I'm 30 this year, and I've known something's up with my gender identity since... well, since ever. Over the past year or so, I've come to realise through a lot of reading, thinking, talking that I'm male-to-female transgender. My feelings of dysphoria aren't going away, and they're getting worse, but I'm not making any practical progress towards transition because Life Stuff keeps happening and giving me an excuse to put off scary stuff. I need to do something about this, but I'm struggling to find practical resources for transitioning women around my age. [more inside]
Looking for emotional guidance while my spouse goes through gender reassignment. [more inside]
I was reading this comment by KathrynT about men's perceptions of women in groups being equal in number when the no. of women is 17%, women having to comprise over 80% of group members to get equal speaking time with men. I'd really like to know where this came from, about gender and language more widely, gender and misperceptions generally. I'm looking for book recommendations but am also interested in anything else you think is a good resource - blogs, articles etc. [more inside]
I hope this doesn't sound like a "do my homework for me" Ask, but I'd like some help with researching gender bias in STEM. As I mentioned in this thread, I've been asked to write an article regarding gender bias in STEM for an internal newsletter at my company. [more inside]
I have been contemplating a breast reduction for some time and have now reached the point where I am certain I want to take actual steps toward doing so. [more inside]
So my best friend (who also is an ex) informed me that she believes I am genderqueer and gay because I am "broken" by childhood abuse and so is everyone who is not straight. That's an offensive statement, right? And if so, how do I even respond? [more inside]
At what age do you think that opposite-gender kids should no longer share a room? We have a daughter and a son. They currently share a room - she is almost 4.5 years old, and he is almost 2 years old. This situation is totally fine now and for the foreseeable future, but at some point, this will become awkward for them. When do you think that happens for most kids? [more inside]
What are some novels in which the genders of some or all of the central characters is not revealed to the reader? [more inside]
Is there any real, concrete reason for genetically testing female athletes like Castor Semenya? It seems to me to be an exercise in gender policing and humiliation rather than anything else. [more inside]
How can somebody on the receiving end of the unfortunate manifestations of Asian fetish ("yellow fever") suck it up and get on with her day/life as best as possible? [more inside]
I aspire to be a woman who knows how to take care of a car. Where do I begin? [more inside]
I am a professional. I am a lady. Every day, in meetings, the same thing happens: the contribution I'm so excited to make to a meeting gets INTERRUPTED by a man or a woman. I am not verbose. I am succinct. I do not speak more than anyone else in the group. Yet I cannot freaking finish a thought without someone interrupting me. It is making me insane. [more inside]
I am interested in learning to what extent individuals who identify as transexual also identify as queer or homosexual. Have there been any good studies of this? I googled but could not find much - please link me to any studies/findings about the issue.
I’m teaching a thematic unit entitled “Human Rights and International Women’s Lives” in a first-year college English course. To complete the reading list, I’m in search of a well-written article or essay on gender equality in a place where women’s rights are comparatively advanced—probably the Scandinavian countries. Anything on social policy, actual women’s lives, or the intersection of the two would be great. Recommendations? [more inside]
How and when did referring to a woman as a "number" become a euphemism?
I have made the decision that I want to change careers to become a counsellor (talking therapist) and I'd additionally like to specialise my therapy (but not exclusively) in gender and sexual identity issues. What study paths should I follow to turn this ambition into a specific plan? I never went to university after leaving school - so I would like to go back into academic education and get a degree while working towards this career rather than just doing a vocational course. Difficulty level: UK. [more inside]
This question isn't about my life situation - I'm just genuinely curious. Why does it seem as if there are almost no never-married straight men past the age of about 35 - but a good number of never-married straight women? Am I misperceiving things? I have of course heard of exceptions to this, but startlingly few. I would just like to clear up my perception and, if I'm onto something, better understand why this phenomenon exists.
Could someone please explain the symbols on the "All Are Welcome Here Poster" on this website? I know some of the symbols, but not all.
I supervise a youngish person who is sort of like an intern at my job. They told me on the first day that they prefer to use a variation of their name and the pronouns "they, them, and theirs." Great! But how do I get my older coworkers to sign on for this? [more inside]
I'd like to read about the intersection of bodies, disability, race, gender, and class. All writing (and other?) genres welcome. [more inside]
I'm questioning my (female) gender identity. I am looking for online resources, maybe a forum or online community that is specifically ftm or has specific ftm threads/conversations. I've combed reddit but the format of reddit feels less like a conversation and I don't feel comfortable posting there. Links I have found to specific resources are surprisingly mostly out of date or MtF specific. [more inside]
Anti-feminists seem to often use the word "female" in the noun form, in places where people would ordinarily just use "women." (I don't want to spend a lot of time hunting up evidence of this, but here are some examples. There's also this and this.) I'm curious to know how/why this became a thing -- for example, I've wondered if it has something to do with military or police usage, because those are the only places I've previously noticed women being referred to as females. Does anybody know?
I was talking with one of my friends and they brought up that they saw my wearing of miniskirts as inappropriate. I've never considered this, having considered my ability to dress how I want as a part of my liberation from conservative past and binary gendering of clothing. I wear mostly women's clothing simply because they feel comfortable and I have a phenomenal set of dance legs which I enjoy showing off in a myriad of fashions. Am I missing something? Thanks!
I am a transgender individual who has been unable to come up with a name for myself. I have tried numerous names over multiple years and feel completely adrift when it comes to a named identity. What names fit my (pickypicky) criteria? [more inside]
Help me find this video or gif that I can't seem to locate with google. Sometime in the past year I've seen either a video or an animated gif where someone made a hack that put a male character skin on a female video game character. [more inside]
Are there versions of this book teaching kids to run a play/gallery/poetry slam/etc that are (a) non-gendered (b) geared towards adults? [more inside]
Looking for something in between gowns and suits. [more inside]
In what sports (especially endurance sports) do women perform better than men? And biomechanically speaking, why? [more inside]
I am a young Canadian woman and I have been asked to organize an academic workshop for a group of Saudi Arabian men that are on a month-long summer school exchange at my university (in Canada). Given the gender segregation in Saudi Arabia, I am wondering if there are any specific things I should be concerned about, prepare for, or otherwise watch out for.
Seeking literary fiction with a transient, often solitary, female hero, please! [more inside]
I've noticed that female performers tend to keep the surname they were born with, if they don't come up with a whole new artist name entirely. They hardly ever take their husband's name. Please help me find a decent list of exceptions. I am looking for answers in two categories: 1. Women who started as performers, then changed their last names when they got married. 2. Women who got married and took their husbands' last names, then embarked on successful performance careers. Bonus points for women from the above cases whose husbands aren't famous themselves. Important: I am not interested in cases where the actress creates a hyphenation of her maiden name and her husband's name, like Farrah Fawcett-Majors, Jada Pinkett Smith, or Pamela Anderson Lee. Unfortunately those are the only ones I can think of!
I'm looking for examples of pop songs based on male/female vocal harmony, where the man is singing at a higher pitch than the woman. It sounds so fascinating to me. Every once in a while I'll hear an example on the radio, but I'm completely at a loss to recall them. Can you think of any? Bonus for songs where the man isn't employing falsetto to achieve this.
Which other productions have taken on the model of The Vagina Monologues - first-person stories about gender, sexuality, and womanhood? (I'm interested in those that share the model but have custom material, not necessarily the script of VMon as performed by specific demographics.) [more inside]
We're having our first child and I am terrified that it will be a girl. [more inside]
Biologists and Staticians... what's going on here? There hasn't been a female born in my husband's family in two generations. Help solve the brothers' debate about what's causing this, and what the odds of our pregnancy being male or female is. [more inside]
Can anybody recommend a therapist in Birmingham Uk or in the vicinity that specialises in gender/sexuality issues? [more inside]
I’m looking some age-appropriate media that will show my bright, sensitive 3 year old son (who seems to be more interested in all things femme every day) that his interests are okay. He has lots of female family members and friends who demonstrate to him that there are a million different ways of being a woman or a girl. But neither his dad nor I is feminine in the slightest, and most of the men in his life are uniformly masculine. I’d love it if he could see positive representations of boys and men in books and TV who have a wider variety of gender expressions. [more inside]
Are there adventure stories where a boy feels chafed by his gender roles and must disguise himself as a girl to be able to go on an adventure? like Alanna. I enjoy gender bending fiction but don't remember any books like this.
My gender identity has been something I've had a lot of thought and confusion about for some time. Now that I'm racing headlong towards 30, I feel like it's got to be time to do something about it rather than just pushing it down again, like I've been doing all my life. I was born male, and I have an overwhelming urge to be feminine, to be a girl. Not a snowflake, but a snowdrift inside. [more inside]
I am interested in what hormonal differences exist between men and women and what effect this has on behavior. I don't have the biology background to be able to handle a textbook. This is a contentious area, so I'm only interested in claims or resources that are well referenced - not unsupported pop-sci or ideological claims. My level of detail would be an extended blog post or article, rather than a book
I am interested in gender stereotypes that used to be reversed or are the other way around in another culture. For example, pink used to be considered a vigorous masculine color and blue was a softer color associated with girls. Similarly, high heel used to be worn by men (as riding boots), but were introduced into women's fashion at a time when women were dressing to emulate men
I've personally found that the vast majority of blogs or discussion groups on gender issues (both feminist and MRA) are either too extreme or too ideological. For example, while I am generally opposed to affirmative action (but might consider it allowable in extreme circumstances), I'd love to debate someone who generally supports it, but who is willing to consider the possibility that they may be wrong. Or it would be nice to read an article about the wage gap where the writer isn't trying to either maximise or minimise it, but actually discover what the gap is and what causes there are What are some good moderate and non-ideological resources? Try to keep in mind, that what a non-feminist, non-MRA like me considers moderate is obviously going to be different from what a feminist or MRA considers to be moderate
I've been wondering about this for years. I have no concept of what it means to be female, apart from the body parts (which, as I've learned, don't, by themselves, mean a lot). All I can think of is a lot of cultural stuff, which doesn't seem to be universal all over the world, so surely that's just what we've learned? I get the impression that there is such a thing as a female or male identity, as inborn gender. If you have one, what does it feel like? How do you know what gender you are? [more inside]
I need recommendations for gendered representations of nature (e.g.: Gaia, Tellus, Terra, Mother Earth/Nature, etc.) in literature, media, art, children's books, or anything else. [more inside]
I had a group playdate yesterday--2 female 5yos (one being my daughter) and 2 male 5yos. All good friends. My daughter's friend (the girl) was building a house with the legos, while the other three were assembling lego figures. After a while I realized that the two boys would ONLY assemble male figures. Any figure with a flower shirt, or with longer-than-boy-cut hair, they wouldn't even touch it. They were especially on the lookout for any figures that could hold weapons. This made me thing about the well-known fact that most boys won't play with girls toys or have female heros (e.g. wonder woman / princess merida) while girls are happy to admire batman, superman, and play with guns or other toys that could be considered as being for boys. The other day, I offered my 3yo son a choice of t-shirts, including a gray shirt with 3 disney princesses on it, which he previously loved to wear. This time, he told me that if he wore that shirt, kids would laugh at him. I have no idea where he got that from. I guess some kid laughed at him at the playground while I wasn't looking, or maybe at preschool. What can I do? I hate the idea that my son and my daughter's male friends think that girls, and girl things, are not worth their respect or affinity. Any idea for how to change their attitude on this without being obnoxious or didactic?
How do you teach your young children not to internalize the sexism in our culture? [more inside]
I can't find an article (or an informal study) about the gender differences between a group of grad students. The male students were consistently doing better because they went to the professor and asked for more responsibilities (like teaching a class), while the female students thought the professors would come to the female students when the professors thought the female students were ready. [more inside]
How would I know if I was something other than cisgender? [more inside]
I'm about to ask a—perhaps sexist—question about the possible differences in how men and women—broadly speaking—identify with songs in marketing. But first, some set-up. As a branding exercise, I've been working on tackling a fictitious start-up consisting of two fashion retailer brands. One's a men's brand, and one's a women's brand, both part of the same fictitious umbrella corporation. When fleshing out the details of any brand, I like to immerse myself in the environment of that brand as much as possible, approaching it almost like a method actor approaches a role. Part of this process for me is usually creating a playlist of music I identify as feeling right for that brand. Songs I can imagine playing in the store itself. I noticed my thought process behind selecting tracks for the menswear and womenswear brands were entirely different, and I'm wondering if there's any underlying truth or data to support my intuitions. [more inside]
The book I'm looking for is one I remember reading in my childhood. It had a boy as a protagonist. It was similar to The Wizard of Oz in that the boy was travelling with friends through a magical realm to free it from some kind of oppressive rule. And when the boy arrived to the happy ending (which I think took place in the royal palace) it was revealed that actually he's not a boy - he's a girl. A princess, to be exact. And a rightful ruler of the realm. Which came as quite a shock to him/her. I must have been less than 10 years old when I read it, which places the book in the 1970s. Did I imagine it or does it really exist? (it is possible that I mixed it up with The Wizard of Oz, although I think I've read it later).