Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with funny

You are talented in many ways. In bed.

iamkimiam — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 15:15:15 -0800

Give me your best fortunes! I bought some beautiful ceramic fortune cookies to give as holiday gifts this year. I need some good fortunes to put inside them. I'm looking for short phrases that are sweet and funny. Nothing directly sexual or romantic, but bonus if they sound better with 'in bed' at the end.

Simple Magic Tricks anyone?

AzzaMcKazza — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 05:02:59 -0800

I am in need of some new simple magic tricks capable of impressing young children and inebriated adults. So I've worked in childcare for around 8 years now and I've gathered a simple set of magic tricks that I've found win the attention and interest of the very young. I've been using these for awhile now and I've found that at least one of the tricks is capable of winning over even the toughest and most disinterested under-5. The problem is that I've done the shtick so much that I've grown bored of my own routine - regardless of how much I amaze a new audience.

My shtick consists of three classics...

The Old "Oooh look I can take my thumb off" Grandpa trick

The "Check it out I can stick a pencil up my nose, and out of my mouth and in my ear and out my mouth and in my eye " gag - Best used for over fives. Though in my history I've only had one kid try to copy me ( I stopped him in time). Nowadays I just tell the kids that they need to go to Hogwarts to learn how to do it and they must never, ever try the trick until they have.

and

The Amazing "Check it out I have a coin/rock/piece of lego in my hand, I've grabbed it with my other hand and "Wowee" it's disappeared" routine. - Very simple, but amazingly effective. Works on adults too.

So....Does anyone know of any other very simple prop (or not) based magic that is easy to learn and easy to impress? Surely there must be some cheeky Magical Mefites out there?

Bet They Won't Play These Songs on the Radio

dlugoczaj — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:38:52 -0800

Mix CD filter: Suggest stupid/funny songs! I am planning to make a mix CD that will go in my stepson's Christmas stocking. He's an immature but rather dry-witted 16-year-old with an endearingly geeky bent, and I already know he's fond of Tom Lehrer (but has most of Lehrer's stuff that he "gets" on his MP3 player already).

I'm interested in new or classic funny stuff, preferably fairly clean (it'd just be too creepy otherwise). Stuff already in mind:

--Some of Weird Al Yankovic's songs, mostly those like "One More Minute" and "Dare to Be Stupid" that don't really require a knowledge of the songs they're parodying, since he most likely won't know them.
--Some They Might Be Giants (probably "Why Does the Sun Shine," "Why Does the Sun Really Shine," "Particle Man" and/or "We Want a Rock").
--Some Monty Python stuff, a la "I Like Chinese," "Lumberjack Song," "Always Look on the Bright Side," etc.
--Possibly some Brian Dewan, although I don't know his catalog too well.
--Old Dr. Demento stuff, a la "Wet Dream," and "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Ha."
--The Muppets, "Mahna Mahna"

What else should I consider? Stuff that's readily available through Amazon MP3 download is preferable (I can do iTunes but I don't like it as much and it seems to conflict with the Amazon MP3s).

"Stuck in (Red) Shift"

np312 — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:32:04 -0800

Help me brainstorm clever astrophysics bumper stickers! I've seen stickers along the lines of "Save Pluto" and "I brake for black holes." But I'm trying to come up with clever, pithy ideas for bumper stickers, where by reading them you would immediately know the driver was an astrophysics fan.

To be specific, this is a bumper sticker for not just a space fan, or a science fan, but for a fan of astrophysics.

I've looked online and I haven't seen anything of the sort. This isn't for commercial reasons, but for a story I'm working on. The shorter and funnier the slogan, the better.

Thanks!

Need inappropriate office party behaviors

arniec — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 07:29:06 -0800

For Christmas Card art--what are some inappropriate workplace party behaviors that can be portrayed in a single drawing? I'm working on having an artist do our company annual Christmas card, and this year we're doing a Far Side-ish cartoon of an inappropriate office party. For example, there will be someone Xeroxing their behind, and some people making out in the office supplies closet.

What other types of activities can be/should be included here? The funnier the better. But it can't be too involved, a single frame of someone "in the act" needs to convey the whole bit. But our artist is very very good, so if you have ideas, please post them and he might be able to make them work.

Thank you for ideas!

(and would a lampshade on a head be a workplace thing, or is that specifically a house party type behavior?)

This Duck Walks Into a Bar...

netbros — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 07:28:59 -0800

What are your recommended stand-up comedy albums or DVDs? I'm not concerned about explicit language or topic... just funny. Back in the 70s and 80s I used to watch a lot of comedy, particularly on HBO specials, but I've kinda fallen out of touch recently, especially regarding contemporary comedians. But yucks are yucks, whether 60 or 6 years ago. What are your favorite recorded stand-up routines, and who is doing the best comedy these days? Thanks for the laughs.

I Haven't Had So Much Fun Since the Pigs Ate My Brother

eccnineten — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 15:28:52 -0800

"I Haven't Had So Much Fun Since the Pigs Ate My Brother." Aside from this post, what year and where was the first time you heard this phrase? A variant of the phrase appears in a past askmifi post. I'm hoping someone has a few more details. Google searches show the phrase here and there, but I'm curious what this particular audience has to say. Thank you.

Fill my brain with mindless stories!

cgg — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 09:42:19 -0800

7 days poolside... I need books! Tell me what to buy! We're off to an all-inclusive in Cabo next month, and my plan is rest and relaxation. I'm going all-out tourist and am planning to spend my days tipsy and by the pool, reading and lounging about. Trouble is, I need books!

When I read, I read for mindless escapism -- I don't want to have to think. Funny is good, but not necessary. Previous authors I've enjoyed and exhausted include everything from Janet Evanovich, Marian Keyes, Iris Johansen, Carl Hiaasen, and even John Grisham, for what it is (or isn't) worth. The geek in me is currently working through Douglas Coupland's books, but I'm finding them hit-and-miss (loved JPod and Microserfs, the rest I'm kinda meh about so far). I also like biographies of funny people/comedians, although I've probably read most of who I'd be interested in.

I'm guess I'm usually drawn to the lighter mystery or drama type books, or even a legal thriller. I *do not* like fantasy or sci-fi; I prefer things that are at least vaguely plausible in my mind. I'm definitely not a girly-girl, so I'm not sure about the whole shopoholic series, but I might give it a go for lack of better options. Like I said -- I don't plan on thinking all that much :)

So, awesome people of the metafilter universe, what else should I add to my reading library? Bonus points if it's readily available in paperback at Chapters (the Canadian equivalent of a Barnes&Noble).

Help me find age appropriate funny Christmas songs!

Thrillhouse — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 17:02:09 -0800

Looking for a couple of funny, tasteful christmas songs that would likely have the backing track available. Last year my son (7 years old) and I recorded "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." It was a riot and totally adorable. The karaoke track was commercially available for $2. It's definitely something I'm going to be happy I did in 20 years.
He wants to do it again this year and I'm having a tough time finding something that is funny, age appropriate, and available.
Anybody have any thoughts. Hippopotamus was PERFECT. It's going to be tough to top that. I don't really want to do the standards like Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. Something a bit more obscure....

Any thoughts??

Thanks!!

Trying to ID an obscure laughter song

crapmatic — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:23:33 -0800

What is the "laughter song" in this Spongebob video at 1:40 - 1:49? This is part of the original episode, not added by the YT user. I have heard this tune frequently over the past 25 years in various network programs for anything considered "funny", usually in bloopers and slapstick, and have never been able to identify it.

Have any good jokes about your rival town or school district?

BirdD0g — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 14:24:33 -0800

Jokefilter: Rival towns and school districts often have some really funny one-liners at one another's expense. Know any good ones? Some examples after the jump. Why wasn't Jesus born in [your town]? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Why do birds fly upside down over [your town]? There's nothing worth sh*tting on.

Did you hear [my town] is getting a new zoo? They're putting a fence up around [your town].

Funny Commercial

CollectiveMind — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 07:27:27 -0800

What is the company that makes the commercial where bikers enter a cafe and approach a table with a dad, his wife and daughter. The dad has just finished telling his girl something, to which, she has rolled her eyes. Then the bikers stop at the dad and the wife and daughter looked panicked. But they show the dad respect and he fist punches them back while recognizing and acknowledging them. The wife practically faints but the daughter suddenly has new-found respect for her seemingly geeky dad. And, is that commercial available for viewing online anywhere?

Who are these funny glam rockers?

maryh — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 01:15:48 -0800

I give up! I know I saw a link to this silly glam rock band here or on the blue, but I can't find now and it's driving me NUTS! The band was/is British, dates from the mid to late '90's, and starred in a series of over-the-top sequential videos for their thumping, anthemic T-Rexish/Queenish songs. They were very popular in the UK, at least for a few years.

And if anyone can recommend musical goofiness along those lines from other sources, it will be greatly appreciated. (This guy, for example.)

Picture Books For A Super-Smart Kid

yankeefog — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 07:34:58 -0800

What are the cleverest, wittiest picture books you know? I'm looking for something you might recommend to a very smart kid who is still young enough to prefer picture books to chapter books. Another way of putting is, I'm looking for the picture book equivalent of McSweeney's. (I should mention that I know that McSweeney's actually does publishe some kids' books -- those are already on my list!)

How to win HS election swing vote with school news advertisement?

seandq — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:57:50 -0800

Help me come up with a funny campaign ad targeted to high schoolers to clinch the Student Body President election. I have a large chunk of support from friends, teachers, and administrators around the school, but the swing vote in the election is won or lost with an advertisement aired over the school news on CCTV.

Some ideas:

I was known for a YouTube video I recorded and have since deleted in freshman year with a lipdub to the Final Countdown. People have told me to incorporate said song into the campaign ad. It went microviral around the school, but it doesn't have as broad of an appeal I like.

Next idea that's really ringing a bell for me would be for me or others to voiceover softball questions regarding my candidacy and clip in celebrities answering these questions with a "Yes, that's right." or "Of course", etc. It'd be funny, but the availability of "celebrities saying yes to something" on Google or YouTube was little to none.

I found out from experience that appearing on the news and giving a serious address is a no-no. People judge your character and ability to do the job from your overall persona and not just one speech on the news, so this is the time to be silly. However, I can't do a Benny Hill-esque video with pratfalls and then just pop up in the end and be like "VOTE FOR ME!"; there needs to be an underlying message relating to the campaign although it could be humorous. An example of this was "Current President loves sports" which linked to a cut-in of an image of Michael Vick during his dogfighting scandal.

I wanted to ask the hive mind because you are all-mighty, all-knowing, and you have been here in one way or another before. I appreciate all MF has given me from an entertainment and a knowledge standpoint and I'd appreciate if you all would be able to help me out.

(Before anyone says anything, yes, I have one or two comments. I've been a member for ~ a week, didn't plan on asking AskMF until about 10 minutes ago, and plan on being an active member in the future.)

Where has this video gone?

c:\awesome — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 16:33:26 -0800

I'm looking for a specific video clip online. It's of some old man sitting in a lounge chair with a cup of something in his hand. The chair collapses and the liquid squirts into his face. It's hilarious! I think I originally saw it on AFV, but could be wrong.

Who fell from the floor up to the balcony and broke the front side of their back?

mbatch — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:06:17 -0800

Can anyone remember a silly "poem" that has the line: "and then they fell from the floor up to the balcony and broke the front side of their back" When I was young, my grandfather had a number of nonsense rhymes and silly tongue-twisters. For example:

One bright day in the middle of the night
two dead boys got up to fight

back to back they faced eachother
drew their swords and shot one another

two deaf policemen heard the noise
and came and killed those two dead boys.

The poem I am asking about is, obviously, in a similar vein.

Twitter humor

ilike — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 03:48:28 -0800

I am looking for the best in twitter comedy, twitters I can follow that are funny and will make me laugh. I appreciate satire but have a hard time enjoying most "fake celebrity" twitters.

Kenzaburo Oh yeah!!!

OrangeDrink — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 02:46:50 -0800

A guy tries to join an online literary dating site and finds all the usernames he comes up with are taken. All his usernames are puns on authors such as "Earnest Cummingway" "William F*ckmore" and so on. All this jocular beauty is an internet video. Anyone seen this, know where it is? My literary hilarity must be appeased!

Funny MP3s?

twoleftfeet — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 04:16:24 -0800

Can you recommend any funny podcasts? The topic of podcasts has come up before and I've found many inspiring/thought-provoking/informative/entertaining MP3s, but for variety's sake, what are some funny ones? The answer could be an ongoing podcast or a one-shot MP3; an act from a standup comedian, a particularly funny hour from an ancient radio show, a silly piece of music... I really need MP3s of funny stuff.

Where can I buy a t-shirt that says "Look Upon My Shirt, Ye Mighty, and Despair?"

brownbat — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 11:07:28 -0800

Where can I buy a t-shirt that says "Look Upon My Shirt, Ye Mighty, and Despair?" I have a friend who loves only two things in this world, Ozymandias and funny T-Shirts. I have seen someone wearing this shirt, but wasn't fast enough to steal it from them. Any ideas on which of the dozen or so funny t-shirt portals actually sells it?

Help me remember a funny image site that is Eastern European in origin

TheManChild2000 — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 19:42:37 -0800

Lost my bookmark (and any helpful memories) to a site that compiled random images, funny or obscene or grotesque or titillating, that IIRC was Eastern European based. It's similar to My Confined Space, although much more technologically simple... just a page full of images, some information on the email that submitted it, and then a NEXT or PREVIOUS type of navigation.

What are some funny "related searches"?

lpctstr; — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 13:16:48 -0800

I'm trying to come up with humorous examples of search engines making query suggestions. For example, Google might suggest "how to cook a baby" when you search for "baby". I've seen some posted around the internet before, but can't seem to find them now. Does anyone have such links/examples? They don't have to be currently working examples.

What kind of humor do I like?

dcrocha — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:04:15 -0800

What kind of humor do I like? I have no difficulties finding books, art or music that I love. I know where to look, what to seek, therefore I can always have new stuff to read, appreciate and listen.

However, things are not so easy when it comes to humor and comedy. I spend a lot of my spare time trying to find funny videos or shows or stand-ups but I find it much harder to see something I like. Tormented by this waste of time, during which I could be having fun, I have decided to ask the hive mind what I like, so I can find a pattern which will help me make my search easier.

Here are some things I like (reasons and examples in parenthesis):

- Seinfeld (clever / I can relate to)
- Family Guy (just plain funny / like the pop culture references)
- Dave Chappelle (his stand-ups, rick james impression, black white supremacist)
- Coen Brothers (fantastic dialogs, surreal situations, raising arizona, big lebowski, fargo)
- Monty Python (surreal situations, clever jokes)
- Airplane!, Naked Gun, Top Secret (plain funny, slapstick, some surreal situations)
- The Onion website (absurd things dealt with like they are the most normal things in the world)
- Dr. Strangelove (movie)
- Some like it hot (movie)
- Spanish Mike (youtube video)
- Terry Tate, office linebacker (reebok campain of the early 2000s - see youtube)
- Spinal Tap (i love comedies ridiculing heavy metal and glam rock)
- Louis C.K. (stand-up, self-derogatory humor)
- Saturday Night Live (some sketches, usually impressions of known people)

Things I don't like:

- Scrubs (reasonably funny, but I hate the "moral fiber lessons" at the end)
- Austin Powers (silly)
- Simpsons (boring - clever but where are the laughs)
- Fart jokes
- Woody Allen (boring - i think i'm gonna get killed by this one)
- Adam Sandler (a single character in all movies, and still unfunny / silly)
- Jim Carrey (way too silly and face-twisting-based)
- South Park (too many fart jokes, moral fiber lessons at the end)

Well, this is not a comprehensive list, but I think it can help the hive mind answer one of the two questions: If you find a pattern here, can you tell me what it is? If you don't, can you recommend something that will fit in the "things I like" list so I don't have to look for hours on the Internet?

I accidentally the whole conversation?

hobbes — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 23:59:36 -0800

Does anyone know of a working mirror with all the "I accidentally the whole fleshlight" conversations? The Flickr photos in the Joe Rogan board aren't showing up and I've only been able to random bits various Photobucket accounts. And I've also checked the Encyclopedia Dramatica entry.

Someone's got to have accidentally the whole chatlog. :P