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Help me find a memorial poem my mom and I both like.

I'm reading a poem for my grandmother's memorial service. I want to find something I like that will also get my mother's OK. [more inside]
posted by superfluousm on Jun 9, 2014 - 7 answers

What happens when an atheist dies? Like, practically-speaking?

Where do atheist funerals/memorial services take place, and who, if anyone, officiates? [more inside]
posted by mskyle on May 15, 2014 - 32 answers

General advice for non-Muslim woman attending a Muslim burial?

Should I, a non-Muslim woman, wear a hijab to a Muslim burial? What else do I need to know to avoid offending anyone there? [more inside]
posted by Tarumba on May 2, 2014 - 13 answers

Dinner for 10-12: for 5 days.

I have family coming in for a funeral this week. Our house is the hub, so I'm going to be feeding a group of 10-12 for 5 days. Any thoughts on comforting foods, that are relatively easy to prepare for that many? I am a good cook, but will have to spend some time at work this week, so I won't have tons of time to devote to this.
posted by sarajane on Apr 13, 2014 - 17 answers

How To Write a Eulogy for Somebody You Don't Know?

My sister has asked me to deliver the eulogy for my nephew at his funeral next week. He was 21 when he died of a drug overdose. I am happy to do it, but the difficulty is that I did not know him. So, I am having a hard time getting started... [more inside]
posted by The Blue Olly on Apr 9, 2014 - 14 answers

How can I express condolences to a Muslim friend who just lost a parent?

My dear friend's mother just passed away (in Iraq). I called her and comforted her a little by phone, but would flowers and/or food be appropriate? What else can I do for her to help? [more inside]
posted by mdiskin on Feb 3, 2014 - 9 answers

Alternative to legacy.com and obituaries?

I am helping to make arrangements after the death of a relative. I find the format and style of the "memorial websites" at legacy.com to be tacky and - more important - deeply unreflective of his sense for design, his rejection of religion and overall un-sentimentality. We can do a newspaper obituaries, but they're also overpriced (starting around $300 for anything of decent size) and over-sentimental and there does need to be some kind of on-line statement of his passing. (Don't get me started on the vulture-hyenas at funeral homes; he asked for a Neptune Society cremation, which was a huge relief.) [more inside]
posted by RandlePatrickMcMurphy on Jan 16, 2014 - 4 answers

Funeral Etiquette:- Where & When to Send Flowers.

My Husbands Grandmother has died and he and his whole family are in transit to the funeral (I am unable to travel due to health reasons) and wanted to send flowers as I couldn't be there but I don't quite understand the etiquette involved with the style of Funeral they are having. [more inside]
posted by wwax on Jan 11, 2014 - 13 answers

Great friend I grew up with passed away. Can't make his funeral.

A great friend of mine passed away. I can't make his funeral in another country tomorrow, and feel really guilty. Should I/what can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 26, 2013 - 15 answers

Attending the funeral. Do I send flowers also?

Usually I think of sending flowers when I won't be able to attend a funeral. I will be attending one this week, for a pretty close relative, and another relative asked me to go in on some flowers. Is it customary to send flowers even if you're attending? This is in the US.
posted by lakeroon on Dec 15, 2013 - 16 answers

Help me miss my Dad

My Dad died this week after a long illness. I don't feel a thing, except maybe tired. How do I get my feelings back? Are there resources for people like me? [more inside]
posted by SecondSock on Nov 30, 2013 - 36 answers

Going to my boyfriend's grandma funeral

Hi, guys. My boyfriend's grandma died today of a brain tumor. I come from a culture where when someone dies you all go and spend time and mourn together with the close family of the dead. It is something similar to viewing in America. Now he calls me tonight and tells me she died and that the funeral is on Monday. Then he says that probably this weekend he will go home to his parents house and spend the weeken with them and that might be best if I don't go because I might not see them at their best and that way he gets to see them alone because he hasn't really spend any time alone with his family ever since we started dating. Like I said, I am Romanian and in our tradition you want exactly the opposite , people to come by and sit by your side. Is that a cultural change in America? Is he right? Is he acting goofy? Just don't know if I should just shut up and mind my own business? This is weird because he was ok before with me spending the entire weeken in the hospice. Tell me how would you react from an American perspective? We have different cultures.
posted by barexamfreak on Nov 21, 2013 - 43 answers

Can you help me understand this sign of mourning I saw in Honduras?

When I was living in Honduras, I noticed that when a person died, the family would hang up a large piece of black fabric outside of their house or in their window. This banner would be cut into a shape that reminded me of a bow tie. This might be a long shot, but does anyone know what the history is behind this tradition? [more inside]
posted by Paper rabies on Nov 16, 2013 - 7 answers

Unexpected Death

My Dad just called and my Mom unexpectedly died in her sleep at 62. We need help in knowing what to do. [more inside]
posted by RoadScholar on Nov 13, 2013 - 21 answers

First time Eulogist. Helpful hints?

A very very dear friend died unexpectedly recently and I have been asked by the family to be among the non-family members who will speak at his memorial service. I've only ever spoken at my mother's memorial service, and I cheated by reading her favorite psalm. I know some things to do and some not to do, but I think I need more thoughts from the hivemind. [more inside]
posted by janey47 on Nov 4, 2013 - 17 answers

Any tips for planning a funeral?

I suppose just about everybody goes through this process at one time or another, but I (30 year-old man) and my sister (34 year-old woman) are helping my dad plan mom's funeral (after 40 years of marriage and a drawn-out battle with cancer). None of us (dad included) have really had to plan these things, and conflicted advice from different friends and loved ones isn't helping. How do we do this? (and how can this be announced online to friends and acquaintances?) [more inside]
posted by phaedrus441 on Nov 2, 2013 - 18 answers

Urgent family illness and academic deadline

I have a complicated relationship with my family. An elderly relative is dying in the next few weeks. I have an extremely important deadline coming up. I need help in coping. [more inside]
posted by 3491again on Oct 16, 2013 - 8 answers

How do I use digital technology to let people know about a funeral?

My grandfather is likely to die within the next few months. I am trying to figure out how, when it comes to that point, to inform people of the time of the funeral and the shiva, because I do not want to have to think about this when he dies. I do not want to phone or text anyone except two or three of my close friends. How do I inform other people? [more inside]
posted by jeather on Sep 30, 2013 - 16 answers

Is it appropriate for me to attend my friend's grandmother's funeral?

After a slow, sad decline over the past decade, one of my best friend's much beloved grandmother has passed away. While I never met her ouma in person my friend has often shared stories of her life, the things she had taught her and more recently the sorrow of her drawn out illness and her fears for the future as it became clear she didn't have very long left in this world. My question is: is it appropriate for me to attend the funeral service this coming week? [more inside]
posted by Philby on Sep 28, 2013 - 37 answers

Should I go to my ex-coworker's memorial tonight?

Should I go to my ex-coworker's memorial tonight? He committed suicide a few weeks ago. I kind of don't want to go because I'm more pissed off than I am sad. [more inside]
posted by 2or3whiskeysodas on Sep 25, 2013 - 89 answers

Portuguese cemetery wall vaults?

I was recently in a small village cemetery in Portugal. In the cemetery there was a wall with coffins interred on shelves, with a modern lockable double glazed door over each vault so that you could look in at the contents. [more inside]
posted by mani on Sep 16, 2013 - 9 answers

Smooth vs Chunky

Things you do not want to hear 15 minutes before your dad's memorial service: "Uh ma'am? These cremains are kind of... chunky." [more inside]
posted by DarlingBri on Sep 1, 2013 - 24 answers

How do I get where I'm going when I'm through going places?

Death and DIY-filter! My dad, who is older but is not quite elderly or in dire straits with regards to his health, has always expressed a wish to be buried in as natural a way as possible. Think '1920s home burial with family dug grave' instead of 'put me in a biodegradable box made from reclaimed, waste wood fiber next to fifi the cat in a manicured cemetery' and you'll have the gist of what he's thinking. What are the ins and outs of making this happen? Look inside for specifics regarding our family situation/location/skillset... [more inside]
posted by RolandOfEld on Aug 19, 2013 - 7 answers

Seeking information on how weddings are similar to funerals.

I am interested in learning more about anthropological approaches to family structure, and especially marriages and funerals. I have heard that anthropologists think of marriages and funerals as fundamentally similar because they are about shifts in who is a member of a family. A marriage adds someone, and a funeral takes someone away. Both marriages and funerals often take place in religious settings. Extended families are invited to both. A ritualized meal follows both a wedding and a funeral. These events are announced in newspapers, etc.. Can you tell me what anthropologists have written about these structural similarities of weddings and funerals? Any leads would be most appreciated.
posted by mortaddams on Jul 24, 2013 - 5 answers

Nobody came

What is the significance of a funeral with no calling hours? [more inside]
posted by stuck on an island on Jun 20, 2013 - 23 answers

Need help processing social/familial obligations for funeral

My mother is 75 now, has Parkinson's, and is likely not going to be around in another year or two. I will feel no personal need to go to the funeral, when that time comes, and would like help processing that. The following information may or may not be pertinent and may be a summer blizzard. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 16, 2013 - 48 answers

Funeral etiquette: I'm not sad but I probably should be?

In a few days I will be attending my grandmother's funeral in the south. While I love her very much, we were never particularly close. Based on my past experiences with these situations, I know myself well enough to know that I most likely won't be crying or even really upset at this funeral. Please help me prepare so I don't seem callous or further upset my grieving family. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 12, 2013 - 25 answers

Should I go to my aunt's funeral?

My beloved aunt was ill for a long time; I spent time with her over Christmas and said goodbye expecting not to see her again. She passed away the night before last in my home country in Europe, and her funeral will be in Monday. I am in my final year of grad school in Halifax, Canada. If I leave this afternoon/evening, I can be there by mid afternoon tomorrow, and I can just about afford the airfare (about $1500). I was thinking of staying until, say, Wednesday, to be with my parents and support them as best I can; but they told me yesterday that there would be no point in my coming. I'm torn. [more inside]
posted by jlibera on Apr 19, 2013 - 22 answers

Authorization for cremation?

Can signing an 'Authorization For Cremation' form somehow make me responsible for my deceased father's debt? [more inside]
posted by KevinSkomsvold on Mar 25, 2013 - 15 answers

What I meant to say was "safe travels and have a nice evening." Really.

Does the term "homegoing" have a wide use across Christian denominations? [more inside]
posted by psoas on Mar 20, 2013 - 36 answers

Beautiful funeral home in Toronto?

Suggest a beautiful funeral home, and a separate location for a later memorial service, in Toronto? [more inside]
posted by pseudostrabismus on Jan 7, 2013 - 2 answers

I hate funerals

My grandfather's sister-in-law died and her funeral is this weekend. My family wants me to drive my grandfather down to the funeral. I would rather stick pins under my fingers. But I know I need to do this. Help me suck it up. [more inside]
posted by calcetina on Jan 2, 2013 - 57 answers

A funeral with a crazy family estrangement scenario

How do I deal with my estranged brother at our grandmother's funeral? [more inside]
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse on Dec 23, 2012 - 16 answers

Too sad for a witty title

My grandad passed away today. My family have asked me to find a poem he might like, to read at his funeral. He was an engineer who would only read 'factual' things, such as instructional/educational books and later in life, a lot of biographies. He didn't go in for poetry at all that I know of. Would like to avoid 'Do not stand at my grave and cry'. Any reccommendations? [more inside]
posted by everydayanewday on Dec 13, 2012 - 27 answers

Tombstones: designing and purchasing a (Late 19th Century) period-appropriate cemetery monument.

Tombstone symbology and purchase: I'm tasked with designing, purchasing, and securing the installation of headstones for two men (a murderer and his victim) who died in the late 19th-century. What online resources exist that speak to the design and purchasing process and/or could help clarify period-appropriate symbology and appearance? [more inside]
posted by jjjjjjjijjjjjjj on Nov 13, 2012 - 5 answers

Arabic translation help

Arabic translation help. In 2008 I had the honor of attending the state funeral of Mahmoud Darwish. I have a poster from the event but have never translated the Arabic. [more inside]
posted by Baby_Balrog on Nov 2, 2012 - 3 answers

"I wouldn't miss it" won't work either...

Introvert needs help with social niceties at a funeral. [more inside]
posted by miaou on Oct 24, 2012 - 16 answers

The woods are lovely, dark and deep

In Ontario, can a person be buried in a natural way, so that the body returns to the earth? [more inside]
posted by pseudostrabismus on Sep 4, 2012 - 8 answers

Please help me find a comforting science based eulogy

I can't remember where I read it - can someone help me find a eulogy from a scientist? [more inside]
posted by msali on Sep 2, 2012 - 5 answers

intervew + funeral

How to handle interview + time off for funeral? [more inside]
posted by House of Leaves of Grass on Aug 6, 2012 - 8 answers

How to handle estranged father's funeral?

My estranged father passed away last Sunday. I've decided to attend the funeral. Please help me conduct myself with something resembling grace. Overly complex snowflakey stuff inside. [more inside]
posted by Ephelump Jockey on Jul 31, 2012 - 23 answers

Please help me get a flight quickly & cheaply!

Please help me get a flight quickly & cheaply! This may have been answered in a previous question - if so, please point me in the right direction, but I need input quickly. [more inside]
posted by kbar1 on Jun 28, 2012 - 17 answers

Hawaiian music for my grandfather's funeral?

My grandfather is 91 and we're helping him plan his funeral. At it, he wants Hawaiian music played. Apparently it's the music he used to hear at dances (in New Zealand) when he met my grandmother in the late 30s/early 1940s. According to the BBC, there was a fad for Hawaiian music in wartime Britain, especially a band called Felix Mendelssohn and his Hawaiian Serenaders, but I can't find much by them. Any ideas? I guess it would be a slow dance kind of song. [more inside]
posted by curious zoe on Jun 6, 2012 - 15 answers

Help me understand what to expect for an upcoming funeral.

Help me understand what to expect for an upcoming funeral. [more inside]
posted by ForeverDcember on Mar 7, 2012 - 15 answers

Name that Latin/Italian/Greek/English poem! About death!

Name that Latin, Greek, or Italian poem... Can you identify this poem from my senile grandfather's sparse details? [more inside]
posted by BusyBusyBusy on Feb 27, 2012 - 7 answers

Dysfunctional family funeral

Non-deist, non- spiritual funeral for dysfunctional family [more inside]
posted by b33j on Feb 23, 2012 - 28 answers

Wake or funeral?

Do you go to the wake or the funeral? [more inside]
posted by Sissinghurst on Feb 13, 2012 - 38 answers

Bringing a baby to a wake?

Is it appropriate to bring my 3-month old to a wake? [more inside]
posted by kosmonaut on Jan 19, 2012 - 26 answers

What are Czech state funerals like?

My girlfriend and I are spending Christmas in Prague, and on Friday there will be a state funeral for Václav Havel. Does everything shut down for a state funeral? Are there certain types of business that don't/won't open? Should we make, or avoid making specific plans for that day? Will we even really notice a difference?
posted by alby on Dec 20, 2011 - 6 answers

What movies talk about recording life events?

Help me identify movies that feature the recording of one's life events. I am looking to develop a strategy for a website or an app like Path, and I would like to include references to movies. [more inside]
posted by jacobw on Dec 2, 2011 - 15 answers

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