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My short, solidly-built FTM friend needs office attire!

palmcorder_yajna — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 21:42:17 -0800

I've just been asked to help a friend shop for a business wardrobe, but it's going to be a bit tricky. My pal, a recent college grad, just quit a miserable job and is about to start looking for clerical temp gigs. For the past few years, nearly 100% of his clothing has come from Army Surplus stores, but BTUs and tank boots will not cut it in an office environment. He meeds to buy some decent threads, and has come to me for help with the shopping. Eek!

I am quite good at buying clothes for myself, but I have no idea where to start with him. Here are the issues, as I see them:

(1) He is transgendered (FTM), but he has had zero surgery and no hormones. Also, he doesn't like to bind his chest because it's unconfortable. This, coupled with the fact that he is fairly short (5'3"-ish) means that people tend to read him as a soft butch instead of as a guy. I would therefore like to find professional-looking clothes and shoes that signal maleness as clearly as possible. Any suggestions for brands, etc? The shopping will probably occur in Seattle, so mad bonus points for recommendations of local menswear stores.

(2) He is short, and rather solid. (I wouldn't say fat.) What features should I look for in pants? Obviously, we'll be avoiding the bejeezus out of pleats, but what else should I be watching out for? (Wider legs or narrower legs? What manner of pocket placement? What kind of fabric? Etc?) I have very, very little experience with buying mens' pants, so even basic, general guidance re: this would be helpful.

(3) His shoe size is 5 1/2. This is problematic. The majority of mens' shoes simply don't run this small. I imagine we'll probably end up using zappos.com, but what should we look for? Does anyone have suggestions re: brands and styles of businesslike, men's shoes that don't look like something a 50-year-old would wear?

Thanks, all!

What the hell am I? Genderqueer, ftm, crazy??

Anonymous — Sun, 12 Mar 2006 17:36:58 -0800

I've been happily (well, to various degrees) living my life as a lesbian (mostly of the soft-butch/butch) variety for many years. I think I might be genderqueer. Now what? I'm in my 30s and I've cultivated a large group of lesbian, dyke and butch/femme friends (and yes, there is a difference). I'm afraid to take the next step. I'm not even sure what the next step would be.

Am I genderqueer, am I in the infancy of an ftm transition? I just don't know.

I have a girlfriend, with whom I plan on discussing this (possibly even tonight), but I'm not even sure where I'm headed. I don't want to lose her, but am 90% sure that I will. Over the last year+ I've become much more promiscuous in general (prior to said girlfriend), but I've also found myself interested in men. Of course it isn't as simple as me thinking I'm straight or bi. When I think about sex with men I'm thinking about it in terms of me with a strap on, etc.

I'm not comfortably talking to my friends about this at this point, because here too, I feel like I'm going to find myself losing people. Traditionally, the lesbians I know and have know have not been particularly welcoming of "other" and I'm fearful that this might carry over.

What are the chances that any MeFites have gone through this or know someone who has? Thoughts? Advice? Thanks!

How to help a transsexual friend

Anonymous — Sat, 04 Feb 2006 22:23:00 -0800

My friend recently came out to me as a transsexual. This doesn't creep me out at all or make me uncomfortable, but maybe a little awkward: how do you try to help and support someone who just realized that she's really a he? While not a long-time friend he is definately one of my closest current associates. We've previously talked about our sexualities and he'd been rather confused about it all but seems to have it sorted out now. He hasn't asked me to help him find information (he's proabbly just as net-capable as I) but I have been brushing up on transsexual.org for my own benefit. There's tips for families and loved ones of transsexuals, but I've yet to find any tips for friends. Any feedback from transsexuals, friends, family, counselors, whatever would be greatly appreciated, doubly so if it pertains specifically to FTMs.
(anonymous to protect the innocent and closeted)