Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with frustration

IUD without a consultation?

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 14:36:03 -0800

Is there a way to get around the initial consultation for an IUD if I've already had one within the last week? I went in for a consultation/pap smear/etc for Mirena IUD yesterday, and was not told until after the consultation that they expected me to pay the full price up front. I asked them if they could make an exception because I was not informed sooner, but the answer was no.

I've since contacted several other OB/GYN's, all of which accept the insurance up front, but also require me to go through the consultation process again which will take over a month. I've tried mentioning that I already had a consultation, but no go. I'm not too happy about that, since it took me a month to get in for the first consult and if they'd told me this when I mentioned Mirena during the scheduling I could have made the appointment elsewhere. Everyone I've spoken to would prefer put it in during my period, which means that even if they have an appointment a week from now I'm still stuck waiting the month. (My original appointment to get it put in is tomorrow... sigh.)

Is there anything I can do at this point, or am I stuck waiting the entire month? I already know my insurance will cover it because I called and asked them ahead of time. I'd be willing to do the consultation process again if I could do the IUD the same or the next day, but that's nearly impossible with scheduling at this time.

My EYES! What have you done to me EYES!

orville sash — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 09:33:57 -0800

I know YANMED (you are not my eye doctor) but why the hell is it harder for me to see after my prescription was updated? I went to the eye doctor about a month ago to get my prescription updated and get new glasses. After about a week and a half, I began to notice that things were actually al ittle blurrier than they had been (it was kind of hard to tell at first, because it's not a stark change, but I ride my bike to and from work, and I found myself feeling like I had a harder time figuring out what was going on when I was riding down busy streets because I couldn't focus as well.)

I made a follow up appointment with my eye doctor and had them recheck my eyes, and they basically came up with the same prescription (the doctor in question said it was a difference of "about a quarter," whatever the hell that means). She then had me put on my new glasses, set the eye chart on the other end of the room, and asked me if I could read it. I could. She told me "If you are able to read that, that's 20/20 vision."

She went on to explain that because I work with computers, it's possible that my eyes are tired from looking at the screen, and I should try resting them every 25 minutes or so. However, I just can't get over the fact that I went and got a new prescription and it is now WORSE than it was previously. I have tried the "resting my eyes" technique she suggested - staring out the window and focusing on the furthest possible thing for about 30 seconds before going back to work - but it hasn't really made a difference.

Can anyone out there explain to me what might have happened in this scenario? More importantly, what should my next step be? I obviously don't want to have diminished eyesight, but I also don't want to have to throw a ton of money at getting my eyes rechecked somewhere else.

Coping with a boss who doesn't care about the business any more.

Oireachtac — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:28:52 -0800

I'm in a sticky situation at work, as, I am sure most of us are these days. Please read my LONG story about my boss and tell me what you would do and what crap you put up with at work. So I've worked in an art gallery for four years now. The gallery has been in business for over thirty years and has an outstanding reputation in my community and is even recognized internationally. I have accumulated more and more responsibilities during my time there and have managed to streamline operations and save the business lots of money.
For instance, I have eliminated the need for outside tech support contracts by becoming the systems administrator. I have eliminated the need for an outside graphic designer by producing all the marketing and media assets in-house. I have eliminated the need for (blah-blah-blah, on and on, etc.).
I wear probably ten different hats working for this outfit, and although I am not necessarily busy all the time I work very effectively so that I can manage all the aspects of my job. We are a skeleton crew... my associate does nothing but sales and manage the careers of the gallery's artists. I do everything else.

Our employer, however, is at retirement age, and exhibits very little interest in the success of the business.
I had a recent epiphany that the gallery exists only as her club-house, so that she has somewhere to go. She is much-loved and is addicted to attention and accolades. For instance, she directs all of our advertising towards politics and intellectual cleverness that will garnish compliments rather than expecting money spent advertising to return any investment in sales. She Facebooks and fantasizes about travel and politics all day long. She directs the business only towards any potential limelight that she may bask in.
She carries close to $40,000 in company credit card debt which she has racked up all on her own. She has neglected to pay the artists for sales for the last six months (more debt). Many of the gallery's accounts are several months past due (more debt). She also practices tax evasion. She and the business have no savings or assets to float through on. Operation is month to month with our fingers crossed for luck.

Nobody is spending any money to buy art these days. The prospect of the gallery actually earning any money anytime soon is a mere fantasy.

With all this in mind, we hear that she may be considering pay cuts and reduced hours for us employees.
Although I understand her point of view as the business owner, I am insulted. I have done everything I can for her and her business and she has dug a hole that gets deeper and deeper by continuing to spend money she doesn't have on frivolities, rather than keep anything for a rainy day.

So, do play hard ball with her and insist that she retain my salary?
Do I try to intervene and tell her to shape up? Do I put up with it and be happy I am, in fact, employed? Do I dive off the sinking ship?

What would YOU do and what similar challenges do you face at your job.?

This anxiety is obnoxious.

Anonymous — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:46:21 -0800

I'm stressed. Frequently. It seems like it's always to do with interactions with friends and lovers, but it's dragging me down. I would love to be able to let go of this anxiety-- the need to analyze every interaction, every word spoken and minor gesture-- and to allow people to distance themselves from me. It seems as though at the first sign (no matter how minuscule) of someone close to me acting strangely I automatically revert to this weepy puddle of all-consuming worry.

Sometimes the refrain in my head is "What did I do wrong?" but recently I've been able to ask myself this question and answer it honestly without dwelling any more. So... why am I still such a stress case about weird "vibes" that I pick up from my friends? I want to allow people to feel however they want and to speak to me only when they want to, but I feel I know them so well that I can tell when they are acting weird.

I'm not sure what to do, but I need to get a handle on it because it's driving me crazy.

How can I let go and allow people to dislike me?

I'm at the end of my rope

Anonymous — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 14:00:55 -0800

Please shed some light on my extramarital issue. 1. I am into some stuff sexually, that a lot of people are not into. This includes my partner, who is squeamish. Nothing illegal, nonconsensual, or dangerous. In fact it's almost mainstream, well it is where I live.

2. I was not openly into this stuff when we got together.

3. I am getting really frustrated with my partner's unwillingness to experiment, although I know it's not my partner's fault that they are not into it...It is depressing to get shot down and frustrating. To ask that they do something with me that is not physically or emotionally taxing and feel like my partner is disgusted...

4. I'm really having trouble being sexually satisfied with my partner and the frustration at not having this is starting to seep into other aspects of our life together. Not because the sexual technique isn't there, or the attraction, I just feel empty inside while we're having sex, and rejected, and it sometimes leads to the sex completely stopping. Ughhh

5. I really don't want to be that person who pushes their partner until the activity is semi-consensual. I don't want my partner to feel blackmailed into this.

6. There is no one on the back burner or anyone that I am trying to have sex with so I'm not trying to use this as a justification for an affair with a particular person...if I went out and looked I'm sure I could find someone though, like I said because of where I live.

QUESTION: Should I go outside of my relationship? If I ask permission to do so, how would I frame it?

How do I deal with the disappointment if the answer is no?

I really don't want to end my relationship over sex...but I don't want to be someone who cheats and it's getting to the point where I want to just say fuck it and go do it safely with no strings attached, and just keep my mouth shut. I want to be an ethical person and do this in a decent way. Or am I deluding myself? Should I suck it up and deal? Is this where I should be an adult and get over myself? Do you think my partner will come around...? I am trying not to push.

I love my partner so much. Any insight, please share. I want to do the right thing.

Kids are not involved.

Thank you.

Computer slowing for no reason!

moiraine — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 09:54:53 -0800

Why did my laptop (Vista) started slowing down dramatically for no reason? This is after I rebooted (many times), and turned off half the startup programs, ran anti-virus programs and AdAware. Today, I was using my laptop (Vista), had a couple of programs running, but nothing insanely memory-hungry -- Excel, Word, Publisher, SigmaPlot, EndNote, Chrome --, when all of a sudden, my computer started slowing VERY noticeably. When I am working within a single program, my computer works fine. When I switch programs, it takes a while before the other program opens. This is very frustrating, because I am a heavy Alt-Tab user, and while five seconds doesn't seem like a long time, it does in Alt-Tab world.

Anyway, I tried all the usual suspects -- rebooted, turning off start-up programs, checking the computer for malware. No luck.

Please help me!

how do I put a stake through the heart of the vampire of perfectionism?

Anonymous — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:00:51 -0800

How do I stop setting ridiculous expectations of myself and then either beating myself up when I don't meet them, or feeling more stressed during the process than is warranted? So I have a nasty perfectionist tendency that's ruining the fun of trying new things - I get frustrated really easily if I mess up or things don't go as easily as they should, feeling like a 5-year old in art class.

I have ADD (currently taking Adderall), but the Inattentive kind, which means that I've always had problems with following directions/processes - it takes me a bit longer, I write a lot of stuff down, forget things... so in professional life I struggle with "attention to detail." But I know I'm making things so much harder and less pleasant for myself by getting so frustrated that I'm not magically perfect. Please help me find ways to accept what I intellectually know - that learning something new or different requires a lot of trial and error, and you're never perfect on the first (or second, or third...) try.

How can I succeed in my diet?

Anonymous — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:46:59 -0800

I've been trying to get under a certain weight for weeks. Whenever I know that if I do well on a certain day, I'll have reached my goal in the morning, I tend to subconsciously self sabotage (by over eating or eating something I know will make me gain weight the next day.) Then I'll end up gaining a few pounds and needing to start all over. I think it's because I told myself it was hard to get under that number, and now it's become this huge goal that I can't seem to attain. How do I get over the self-sabotage so I can continue on the weight loss journey?

(Note that I have binge eating disorder, so for me overeating automatically means +2 or more pounds.)

Guitarist with hyperhydrosis and oily skin needs help

sid abotu — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:27:22 -0800

I am a borderline professional guitarist who suffers from hyperhydrosis (excessive sweating) and also seems to have developed a very oil-extruding physiology. Is there anything I can do to make it so that I don't have to wash my hands between each and every song? If not, what is the most efficient way to clean up and dry off my hands every five minutes or so? I am 39 years old and I have been playing guitar for 30 years. I play acoustic fingerstyle and I am pretty aggressive/hard in my approach to the instrument (but I don't dance around!). I don't eat an overly fatty or greasy diet and I am overall a pretty healthy person. I live in Ottawa, Canada, and despite what you might have heard this is an incredibly hot and humid location and my problem is particularly acute this time of year. I am open to suggestions of more moderate (and musical!) climates.

During the last decade my physiology has changed or some kind of perfectly awful storm of the extreme sweating I have always had (I think it is getting worse) and oily excretions has combined to make my favourite activity extremely frustrating and frankly it has made the prospect of returning to gigging scary. I wash my hands thoroughly using a standard bar of soap, rinse and dry, pick up my guitar and play a song and by the end of the tune my hands are wet and greasy. Hell, even just typing this question thus far (after having washed my hands for the 20th time today) I can feel the stickiness.

I am not OCD, this is a real impediment. Do any other musicians or folks who have dealt with this kind of situation have any guidance for me re. techniques to cope with this kind of problem? I know that there are dubious (nerve-severing!) surgeries for hyperhydrosis but I am not there yet: I am more interested in coping mechanisms that you might have discovered.

How to compartmentalize and get centered during a rough time.

Anonymous — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:11:26 -0800

How to compartmentalize and get centered during a rough time. I've had a rough year in many small ways. The two previous years I lived abroad in a country I love and where I have a lot of friends, but my visa expired. I moved back to my home country and to a new city, and while nothing's 'bad,' it's been difficult: I live in a terrible apartment that is literally falling apart (today the garbage disposal and doorknob both broke!), and which has been infiltrated by every imaginable pest, with roommates who refuse to deal with any of it and refuse to call our landlord, who yells at us (well, me, since the other two won't call) whenever we have an issue. I'm looking for a new place to live, which is good, but that process has also been stressful.

I work in a job I don't care for, and I don't make much money at all. Like everybody, I guess, I like a few of my coworkers while a few of them get on my last nerve. I'm applying for grad schools in the fall for the following year, and while I'm working on grad school applications I don't see much point in wasting time trying to find another job too, especially in this economy.

I had a falling out with my best friend in January, and around April we sort-of mended it, but we're basically out-of-touch, which makes me incredibly sad -- but at the same time, every effort to get back in touch has come from me and he hasn't met me halfway. I've found myself reevaluating many of my friendships, and not really wanting to be around many people I used to be friends with.

My problem isn't so much that I'm sad, or upset, though I am sometimes. More than that, though, I get so frustrated -- with my friends, my roommates, my coworkers. I lay down at night to sleep and my head is just buzzing with all of the little annoyances of the day, all of the problems that I end up dealing with because people who won't seem to live up to their responsibilities, whether my coworkers or my roommates. The problem is that I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated with everybody that even little things that I know wouldn't have bothered me that much in the past become extremely frustrating and annoying.

I know if I read this post I'd immediately think 'therapy.' I've gone to therapy in the past and found it helpful, and I'm looking into it now - money is an issue, but I'm trying to find something that will work.

But my question right now isn't about therapy, I'm specifically looking for any coping mechanisms or strategies you've found work for you to be able to set these frustrations out of your mind, or to at least compartmentalize, or just find some way to get centered and find some sort of peace. I'm not sleeping well and I just really need to be able to set my mind to rest.

Help me cast off Virgin cable broadband once and for all!

tumples — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:36:20 -0800

Virgin Media cable broadband sucks, what provider can I use after my contract is up? We have been using Virgin's (in)famous 20mb cable broadband since August and are tied into a 12 month contract. The internet is usually fine and when it works, it is very very fast. Unfortunately, Virgin are also prone to periods where the internet is mostly unusable; either it is doesn't work at all or it is just too slow. At the moment I am sat behind a connection with a ping of ~2500-3000ms, where it is usually ~20ms. Tech support doesn't fix the problem more often than not.

At the start of this coming August I will be free from this contract and am on the lookout for an isp that can just provide fast, reliable internet with (very important as living in student houseshare) little to no months caps on usage. We are not connected to a BT line and do not want to pay the ridiculous £140 to connect to them in order to sign up with a new isp.

Is there any company out there that is good for me?

Thanks

Am I just a victim of inept bureaucracy? Can I do anything?

miss lynnster — Wed, 20 May 2009 20:45:39 -0800

I have had a perfect storm of bureaucratic screwups take $400 and many hours of my life from me. Can I get my money back? I've been fighting up to now with no success so I don't even know who or what to do anymore. Help! (Companies involved: AAA, DMV, LA Parking Violations Bureau) Okay, so here's the deal. I hate that it's long because I do need people to read it to get my problem. But... it's a bit convoluted, unfortunately.

1) April 2008 -- I realized I hadn't gotten a car insurance bill from AAA in a while (even though I hadn't changed billing addresses in many years) and it should've been due. I drove straight from my father's memorial service to AAA with a checkbook and was told by a nice kid named Troy that everything was fine, I was good, I didn't need to pay that day, but I should wait for a bill.

2) May 2008 -- I paid my registration fees to the DMV. Strangely, I didn't receive any stickers in the mail.

3) June -- Still no stickers. I went to the DMV. They said I had no insurance. I didn't know what was going on. I called Troy. He said there was no problem. I was insured. It was their issue. I should go back to the DMV and get my stickers.

4) I go back to the DMV. Twice. They tell me both times that it's not handled. I try to fix it. The DMV insists it's still not handled.

5) June -- I call the AAA office. Troy is no longer employed there. People in the office won't help me. I call AAA's 800 number to complain. I'm told my account needs updating. My policy is "revised" and I receive a bill immediately afterwards which I pay. I'm told this should clear up the problem with the DMV.

6) July -- The DMV still won't give me stickers. I start to get parking tickets for expired registration even though I know I have paid my fees and have insurance. AAA tells me they are fixit tickets and it should be no problem, that I should be able to get my stickers immediately and clear them all up without paying anything.

7) For months afterwards I have a great deal of back and forth with the DMV and AAA. Hours of my life. Finally it's supposedly cleared up. By this time I have three fixit tickets. I'm told they'll be cleared easily when I have my stickers... so I keep making DMV appointments and calling AAA.

8) November 2008 -- I'm finally assured I should get my stickers. However, when I go to the DMV for the fifth time, they tell me that prior to giving me my sticker I now owe $300 in fees for the tickets due to the time that passed since they were issued. I tell them they were fixit tickets but I can't clear the tickets without the stickers. They tell me they can't give me the stickers if I don't pay $300 and I should call AAA because they'll take care of everything for me.

9) December 2008 -- I call AAA's 800 number to get an update on what's going on since nobody was calling me back. I'm informed for the first time that Troy had screwed up my policy and I actually *was* driving uninsured from March to June. Apparently this is why the people in his office wouldn't help me, because it was covered up. I find out my entire policy was REWRITTEN FROM SCRATCH in June and I didn't even know until December.

9) December until April 2009 -- AAA tells me they'll handle the problem and I shouldn't pay the tickets because it was their mistake, that I should get my stickers soon but I have to talk to the LA Parking Violations Bureau to find out what they need from AAA. LA Parking tells me what they need from AAA. I tell AAA. Then in April 2009 I am informed by e-mail that nobody at AAA can help to clear up the issue. It's suggested that only the DMV can fix it. DMV says I have to talk to the LA Parking Violations Bureau or AAA. LA Parking Violations Bureau says I should talk to the DMV. Everyone is pretty rude.

10) April 2009 -- After over a year of fighting this and having no registration stickers, I narrowly escape getting my car impounded by the police. I have a total breakdown of built-up frustration in a AAA/DMV office when I'm informed in a scripted tone that nobody can help me, that I now owe $400 and that I should've paid the tickets when I got them instead of expecting them to be fixed (even though AAA promised me they'd handle it). Yeah, thanks a lot folks.

*********
Sorry that's so long... but am I just out $400 and a year of my life because people suck? Should I just be a victim? Can't I fight this and get that money back? That's a lot of money to me right now and I didn't do anything wrong in the first place!

Thoughts? Advice? I want this in my past... but I'm also really pissed off beyond belief at how I've been treated and how much time of my life has been unapologetically wasted.

Thanks for listening to my tale of woe.

Does humanitarian work inevitably leave you bitter?

daelin — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 07:03:50 -0800

My friend is going to Kenya and Uganda to do some humanitarian work this summer. She's afraid that when she returns she'll be disgusted by the shallowness of people's problems and concerns back home, to the point of being unable to relate to anyone. Is this likely, and if so, can it be prevented? Should it be prevented? As part of her preparation my friend went to a talk given by someone who worked as a midwife in Darfur. The midwife spoke about how when she arrived back home, things people would complain about (like, say, bad haircuts) made her furious because they were so disconnected from the far more serious problems going on in the rest of the world. She even told one of her best friends, "I don't give a shit about your problems," apparently. All this worries my friend, who's planning on going into health development later in life; she fears becoming bitter and disillusioned and constantly frustrated after a few years in that line of work.

For my own part, I am obviously not too keen on getting that sort of response if I try to lean on my friend for support after she's gone and come back. But the truth is, it seems that I would deserve it, because the things that trouble my life are pretty petty and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and I really don't do anything philanthropic at all (well, I give to charity, but I consider that a minimum expectation rather than something significant). Is it best to just accept that that's the sort of outlook - one that seems quite justified - that my friend may grow into, and that consequently she may drift away from me? Do selfish people like me only deserve friends who are similarly selfish?

I'm sorry if this is rather a mishmash of questions; I am asking partly on her behalf, but also on mine. Any advice - anecdotes, correction of my premises, whatever you think would help - would be deeply appreciated. Thanks in advance, MeFi.

I don't know anything about reasonable expectations.

zennoshinjou — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 03:40:09 -0800

Help me understand weight loss when starting a workout program (or why I'm not losing) So last summer I changed my diet and did some minimal workout and shed 35 pounds and then got stuck and for various reasons drifted away from actively trying to lose more. I gained back ~5 pounds. One month ago I started up at the gym and I go religiously 3-4 times a week. I have been doing mostly strength training with some cardio mixed in. My diet seems to be fine but its possible I'm not eating enough calories. In 4 weeks I have lost as much as 5 pounds but 2 pounds comes and goes. I know the reasonable expectation is 1-2 pounds a week (so 4-8 a month) but its slightly disheartening to be 4 weeks in and weighing 2.5 pounds less than I did before. I guess what confuses me most is that all of my clothes fit better and my body seems to look better (partner agrees) but the weight doesn't reflect that. I am just being too critical in to short a time or should I try to amp up my calories? My goal here is weight loss right now, not becoming super muscular.

I started at 270 and got to 235 last summer. When I started a month ago I was 241.5 and today I am 239 but have been as low as 236.5 in the past month. I'm 5'8". I can provide diet details if its relevant.

Thanks for your input.

Help my kill my sex drive and save my relationship.

anonymous account — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:17:35 -0800

I am a 30 year old male who wants more sex than my partner, which causes all kinds of frustration and resentment on both sides. What can I do to lower my libido? I want to have sex way more often than my partner does. This leads to immense frustration on my part, and irritation/sadness on hers. I know this is the biggest relationship cliche out there, but this time, I'm the one who is going to change. I honestly don't think that there's any possible way to get her more interested in fucking me.

When we do have sex it is usually pretty amazing for both of us (she certainly isn't motivated enough to fake her orgasms, so that part is legit), it's just that it doesn't happen as often as I'd like it to (I'd consider once a week or 6 times a month to be a very good stretch). I'll ask her for a handjob or blowjob and you'd think I just asked if I could shit in her mouth (literal disgusted reaction).

I am very open with her in describing my sexual desires. I am not asking for anything crazy at all, I just don't want her to have to guess at what I want. Usually this leads to her calling me a "jerk" and falling asleep.

It's getting to the point where I'm completely over it. I don't want to cheat on her, and I'm happy with all other aspects of the relationship. We own a house together, we will likely be married in the next few years, have plans for the future, etc.

We have been together for about 8 years. The sex thing has been an issue for us for about the last 5-6 years (basically ever since she started her career). She knows how I feel (a couple months ago after a bit of a dry spell, I had a crying breakdown and told her that I felt trapped in the relationship due to her lack of sexual interest) but seems unwilling/unable to change.

I want to do something (other than masturbate 3 or 4 times a day) that will greatly lower or even eliminate my sex drive. I want to avoid masturbation as well as that turns into a huge time waster for me, and sometimes starts to escalate into areas that I'm not really comfortable with anyway.

We will eventually want to have kids, so whatever I try shouldn't be permanent.

Help me and my bruised hands.

Anonymous — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 19:17:59 -0800

How do you control a ridiculous temper? 26 yr old female here, on Paxil and Clonazepam, for what it's worth. I have always had a short fuse but in the last few years it seems to have gotten much shorter. I don't know how to deal with frustration. I get pissed off at people who drive like crap, people who are slow in lines at the store, and when something is continuing to thwart me so to speak.

Yesterday my partner and I bought a Christmas tree that was way too tall. We spent hours with a hacksaw trying to get this thing cut down to a manageable size. We fought and fought and fought it. I am known to scream in frustration occasionally. Or throw things (not at anyone or anything, just throw it down to the ground). I was frustrated to no end after hours of sawing that damned tree and I stood up and whacked my head on a shelf on the wall.

Then I just lost my shit. I slugged the wall (5x according to my wife) in sheer rage. Afterwards I cried my eyes out because it overwhelmed me and I was scared and shaking. As if this ridiculous display isn't bad enough, my partner's last relationship was with an extremely abusive woman. Needless to say when I turned into a spaz and slammed the wall I scared the shit out of her.

She told me she was scared of me at that moment and couldn't handle that feeling again, which I totally understand. She's been through way too much to have to deal with tantrums from me. How do I learn to control these feelings? It builds up inside me and seems to boil over. The smallest frustrations seem to lead to outbursts. Please help. I don't want to be like this and I don't want to drive my partner away.

I'm going to be 800 lbs if I can't stop this :(

isoman2kx — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 08:30:52 -0800

I have no idea how to stop my late night eating. I've battled it for years. For the last few months, it's caused me to gain back ALL of my weight that I busted my ass to lose in 2006. I went from 200 to 175 and was quite proud of myself. I wanted to lose about 5-7 lbs even back then but I was fairly content. I'm so so frustrated with myself. Half of the time I seem to sleep eat and then I wake up in the morning thinking hey maybe i didn't eat the house this time and then I taste my breath and it smells like f'in food. My problem isn't quite as simple as just "eating in the middle of the night when I wakeup". It's mixed with years of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Then again though, I suppose that's what a lot of "late night eaters" have. Otherwise you wouldn't be eating at 2 and 3 am right?

That's my theory at any rate. I'm trying to deal with the anxiety, depression, etc the best I can. I take anti-depressants, I have sleeping pills to help me sleep. I do talk therapy roughly once a week or every two weeks depending on my psychologists schedule. I have a very very impressive armada of self-help books, you name it and I've probably got it. I very often lose interest in doing a lot of things and low self-esteem blows balls. I have a dog too. I thought she would be the source of fixing all my problems, but it turns out that's not the case. I mean, I'm doing everything you're supposed to be doing when you're trying to tackle this , so why in the **** isn't it helping my life? I want this solved now. I'm tired of taking this shit day by day, TIRED OF IT. I've been doing day by day for 3 f'in years now. I'm 22, I shouldn't have these problems. I could understand if I was 45 and my wife just left me and my kids hated me, but that's not the case!

Back to my eating for a second in my diatribe. I'm so sick of losing the battle of eating in the wee hours of the morning. I would honestly consider stomach stapling or some other drastic measure but I'm 22 and I live at home and ever since my dad passed away 8 months ago, we have to watch our money. Not that something as ridiculous as those options would ever be approved with my dad still here anyway, lol.

I don't know what to do. I'm very much an emotional eater and every time I make plans to battle it even during the day, it doesn't work. I always give into the hunger because I feel like that's all that can comfort me sometimes.

Just to list the self-help/self-improvement books I have

Feeling Good (David Burns) <---- read 1/4th
Stumbling Upon Happiness (Stephen Gilbert) <--- read 30 pages
Happiness (Tal Ben-Shahar) <---- read 50 pages
Undoing Depression (Richard O'Connor , reading now, on a grand total of 150 pages now)
Dealing With Depression Naturally (Syd Baumel) <--- not read
Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness (William Styron) <--- not read
100 Ways To Motivate Yourself: Change Your Life Forever (Steve Chandler) <--- partially read
Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem (Marilyn Sorensen) <--- not read
Life Was Never Meant to Be a Struggle (Stuart Wilde) <--- read completely, but it was 50 pages, lol.
Friends and Lovers: How to Meet the People You Want to Meet (Steve Bhaerman) <--- unread
The Art of Mingling: Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room (Jeanne Martinet) <-- partially read, the book seems f'in useless though
52 Things You Can Do to Raise Your Self-Esteem (Jerry Minchinton) <--- completely read
Maximum Self-Esteem: The Handbook for Reclaiming Your Sense of Self-Worth (Jerry Minchinton) <--- read about 60 pages
How to Click With Everyone Every Time (David Rich)
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (Richard Carlson) <--- read entirely
The Complete Book of Questions: 1001 Conversation Starters for Any Occasion (Garry Poole) <--- read most of it.
How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends: Revised And Updated (Don Gabor) <--- read about half
Attitude is Everything (Jeff Keller)
Conversationally Speaking : Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness (Alan Garner) <--- read half maybe
The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook (Edmund Bourne)

For what it's worth, I hate doing exercises in depression books. Just seems f'in useless.

What do I do me-fites? What... do... I .... do?

-Travis

(R) not ®

spec80 — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 07:03:18 -0800

Whenever I type (R) in MS excel, it automatically makes the registered trademark sign ®. How do I turn this off? This is driving me nuts. I not having luck with MS help or google. The IT guys didn't know how to fix this either. My document is currently filled with (R )'s instead. aaaeeuuurrrgh.

Why isn't this working?

LoneWolfMcQuade — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 06:27:06 -0800

I've tied myself into a knot trying to date someone and need to undo it. A woman and I have been getting together, having dinners and such regularly for about two weeks. I really thought we had a lot of things going for each other. I'm rather shy and slow to initiate physical contact. Now, I can't tell if I just missed the boat (in which case maybe I should try to catch it at the next stop?), or if this just isn't supposed to happen.

Further information that would help in considering this situation: we have a lot of common interests and laugh a lot when we get together. Overall, she's been enthusiastic about hanging out. I look for flirtatious signs when I see her but don't see a lot. I probably fucked up on the first date by saying goodbye and turning around without so much as a hug. Now, I sometimes feel a tension in our conversations - she is a sparkplug type (which I like), and I fear my own directionlessness with this whole thing has even frustrated her a tad. I know that one answer is to just up and kiss her, but somehow I feel conflicted, as if she perhaps wouldn't appreciate it, and that to do so would be ignoring counter-signs worth listening to (periodic awkward pauses, odd disagreements over rather random mundane issues of politics and taste, sort of a staunch refusal on her part to send physical signals or even be up for something like a drink to loosen things up). So, maybe I can hit bottom at this by saying: I know the advice, at some level, is to get in touch with the gut and follow it. But how to step back and get in touch with the gut in a situation where I feel like I've tied it and a bunch of bullshit together into one big, gnarly knot?

Final tidbits before handing this over to the hive:
--She's from out of town and doesn't seem to be immediately loving the new environs...things are in general a little topsy-turvy for her
--I can be pretty cerebral but in general have a fairly healthy social life + other interests (music, biking, etc)
--Our conversations have been very wide-ranging but haven't stepped much at all into what our personal lives are like/have been like (though I am at least nearly 100% certain she is unattached)
--This has happened to me before, more than once. In the past, I've let this kind of thing go on for months until it drives me up the wall and I bring it up in a way that is way too little, too late, and very unproductive.
--I think overall I don't have 'attractiveness' issues and really want to get past this trend I perceive where my most successful relations with women rely on the woman for an uncommon proportion of the relationship-initiation work.

holesome bread (literally)

monocultured — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 07:14:07 -0800

I'm following a recipe for bread I got from mom, but have ended up with too many loafs that look like this. What to do? The original recipe is half graham, half white flour, with lot of fresh yeast. The dough rises quickly, and is only allowed to sit for 2x10 minutes (the second time in the baking pans) and is then popped into an oven for 40 or so minutes at 200°C.

The first couple of times, I made it with rye fluor and the second attempt was successful and full of raisin goodness and such. But I can't get it to work with graham, and can't figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong; As you might be able to tell from the picture, the bottom of it is dense and wet. The only difference that I'm aware of is that our oven is of the hot-circulating-air kind as opposed to moms top-grill-thingy kind.

Help me save face and bring honour back to my family recipe!

Help me salvage the best relationship I've had.

Anonymous — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:39:34 -0800

How do I fix this vicious, vicious cycle? My boyfriend and I have been together for almost ten months. Started out great, fell in love, etc. Obviously not all buttercups and daisies now, or I wouldn't be asking this question.

So. Neither of us is in a particularly good spot, mentally. He is clinically depressed and on meds; I have some anxiety and sexual abuse issues I'm working out in therapy. We both enrolled in summer classes this summer; I am finished, he is still swamped. We're both working two jobs, but his work is a lot more full-time than mine.

The aforementioned sexual abuse issues have only recently come to the surface-- I didn't realize how bad the situation (which did NOT occur with my current boyfriend) was until almost a year after the fact. That realization occurred relatively recently. I told my boyfriend, and as of today, he's the only one beside my therapist who knows the whole story. Needless to say, this has me feeling rather emotionally vulnerable with him. When I get like that, which is rarely, I end up craving physical closeness-- the hugs, the holding, the back rubbing, the works. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has totally withdrawn due to the stress and depression. He has also lost his sex drive for the same reasons, which, intellectually, make sense, but since I'm a girl I cannot help but think it's partially my fault. So, we have this cycle. I need him to pet me and tell me everything's going to be okay, and this closeness makes him withdraw even more, which upsets me and makes me crave even more closeness. And so on.

I guess my question is simple. How do I fix this? I have considered removing myself from his presence for a while, but we enjoy spending time together as long as I don't want to touch him. We cook dinner together almost every night, and it's nice, until I want to cuddle on the couch and he wants to retreat to his room to do Important Things.

Am I a terrible person for wanting to be slightly more important to him than I seem to be? I don't expect him to throw away his education for me. I would kill him if he did so. What's the solution to this seemingly solution-less problem?

Seeking wisdom from the Buffyverse.

Mavri — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 11:28:16 -0800

Help me find a line of Buffy dialogue! There's a scene where Willow is complaining about something to Buffy and Buffy tries to offer advice or a solution. Willow gets upset and says she just wants someone to listen or empathize. And Buffy says something along the lines of, "Oh is this a feel my pain talk? I thought it was a help me find a solution talk. My bad." Except, you know, the actual line is much snappier.

This just happened with a friend of mine who got laid off and didn't want to hear about a job posting I saw, just wanted to mope. I managed to find this exact line of dialogue a couple of years ago when I had similarly misjudged the intent of a friend, but I remember it took forever and bugged the hell out of me in the meantime.

My memory of the line is too vague for good googling, and I don't have time now to watch all 7 seasons in a totally OCD search for the answer. (Although my instincts are telling me it was season 2-3.)

This is one of those things that is not important but will drive me insane until I figure it out.

Hurry up and weight?

Sock Muppet Acct! — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:31:08 -0800

Have been working out hardcore and just can't. lose. weight. Frustrated and at the end of my rope. Help me Mefi, as only you can! I've been working my ass off for the last few months...not one pound has dropped. I realize that I've probably added muscle, but I'm so overweight that I would've assumed I'd see a few pounds melt off in addition to the muscle gain. (Am 5'4", 24, female, about 180)

My regimen tends to consist of strength training (free weights, lots of squats and lunges and large muscle exercises) 3-4 times a week for about an hour. I also tend to do cardio 1-2 times a week.

I know I'm slacking on the cardio (I really hate it) and I need to make some serious changes to my diet, namely the boozing. I either need to cut down a lot or completely. The diet is ok but I mostly just eat when I'm hungry (not too much and not too mindless...I think it adds up to the traditional 3 meals + 1 snack.)

I had a check up and requested a thyroid screening as hypothyroidism runs in the family and could be the cause of my woes. My TSH is apparently on the lower end (my online results list it as 0.31 L 0.40-4.50 UIU/ML ....which...quoi?) but isn't that indicative of HYPER thyroid? In which case, wtf?

I worked out so much one month that I completely missed my period (no I'm not preggers), and have cut back to the point that my body, hopefully, is not in starvation/panic! mode.

So I've covered diet, hormones, stress. I have a trainer who is puzzled, and I'm losing hope FAST. I don't know what to do next. Help me Mefites!

Damn, I got a Dell. Now what?

pdb — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 12:11:55 -0800

Would reinstalling XP mean I don't have to deal with Dell? About a month ago, I bought a Dell Inspiron 530 with a quad-core 2.5g processor as a replacement for my six-year old Dell. Since day one, this machine hasn't worked right - the latest, and most persistent, problem is that switching between user profiles (there are two) results in an approximate 10-minute (sometimes as quick as two, often 10-15) inability to do anything - can't ctrl-alt-delete, can't alt-tab between apps, can't do anything but shut down and start over. This happens regardless of which user profile is switched to - both profiles exhibit the same behavior, and it happens every time a switch is made.

My experience with Dell support through all this has been frustrating at the best of times. They're really not being of any help, nor do I expect them to be any time soon, which is a whole 'nother rant that I don't want to get into here (which also means I would appreciate any "should have bought a Mac"- type posts being kept out of this thread. I'm annoyed enough with my purchase as it is.).

Because it's a new computer and has been rife with trouble, I haven't really put anything on it except Firefox and iTunes, so my first instinct in the absence of anything resembling warranty support from Dell is to reinstall XP using the disk they provided with the computer. Is this too extreme? Does anybody know anything else I could try that might help?

Too big for her?

cincinnatus c — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:58:04 -0800

Sex question: what to do about being "too big"? Could have done this anonymously, I suppose, but I'm asking on the spur of the moment and I can't take the delay.

Anyway, my girlfriend says that sometimes when we have sex I'm "too big", and this is seriously messing things up.

For what it's worth, I am not especially "big". It's the proper size, normal size, average or slightly above average. Some other girls I have slept with have said "that's big" but not one has said that it's the biggest... I mean, occasionally I've asked them about the biggest, and heard about serious freaks, but I am solidly in the average range.

But my girlfriend is quite petite, and I'm too big for her sometimes. To the extent that any position from behind is becoming out of the question - "it's like you're fucking my womb". This has happened before, with other people, it being slightly painful in certain shapes, but never to the extent that those shapes were out of the question.

But even the positions that are not out of the question become painful sometimes for my girlfriend, and it's getting in the way...

So my question is what to do about this? Are some bodies just incompatible? I thought about not going in completely, but that would be hard to maintain & besides would involve missing out on all kinds of extra, useful rubbing etc. Could lube help? I know you Americans are crazy about lube, but I've never used it, no one I know has, & always thought it had something to with circumcision in a way. Can it help with length? Can it stop the "fucking my womb" feeling?