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Help me either leave my urban tribe, or accept my place in it

This past year I got involved in a local community of people. I have mixed feelings and am looking for your relevant experiences with close-knit urban tribes. [more inside]
posted by htid on Mar 6, 2013 - 23 answers

Do you experience a hierarchy of affection for your friends?

If you suspect your friend likes you more than you like them, should you still be friends with them? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 3, 2013 - 12 answers

Diplomatic speak for "No, I don't want to be friends with you"?

Glenda thinks because we met up a few times outside work, we can now be besties. Problem is, this time spent together made me realize Glenda is not someone I want to be friends with. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 28, 2013 - 28 answers

Lose a good friend or try to fix it?

Is a man who pretends to be friends with a woman when he is actually interested in more than friendship doing something shady? Should said woman (myself) drop him as a friend or give him a chance to adjust? He’s a good friend and generally a positive, interesting and charming friend to have (smart, insightful, witty, capable of deep conversation, trustworthy with secrets, understanding…). I’m simply not interested in dating him (for many reasons, the most glaring of which is that he’s sexist in subtle ways that I couldn’t tolerate in a partner), but I value and love his friendship and conversation. I do not want to date him, ever. I don’t know if I should salvage our friendship or let it go, for his sake and mine...I've included the details below but I think this summary captures what I am trying to intellectually and emotionally figure out. [more inside]
posted by grassbottles on Feb 28, 2013 - 54 answers

Ending a friendship over friend's unethical behavior?

I have realized recently that I have a few friends that behave in ways, in other areas of their life, that I think is unethical. How do you draw the line, when someone's behavior is not directly affecting you, on what is acceptable for your standards of friendship? [more inside]
posted by abirdinthehand on Feb 23, 2013 - 33 answers

Is this friendship worth saving?

I have a problem. I have a friend. They're mutually inclusive. Let's call him Greg. [more inside]
posted by piratesriding on Feb 21, 2013 - 32 answers

Human male social etiquette question.

I've asked a couple questions about building a richer social life on AskMeta, and a few times I've gotten the suggestion that I should be spending more one-on-one time with friends and acquaintances. My observations suggest that women socialize this way more often than men do. Tell me I'm wrong, then share tips. [more inside]
posted by Nomyte on Feb 21, 2013 - 16 answers

Help Me Reduce Friendship "Churn"

I have a system to develop new friends while simultaneously measuring whether they're worthwhile, allowing me to toss users and losers into the discard piles. However, I worry that the intensity of this filtering process may inadvertently be eliminating some perfectly decent people. Snowflake details below. [more inside]
posted by wolfdreams01 on Feb 15, 2013 - 47 answers

Or should I just keep quiet?

Help me navigate a clash of political ideals without losing my friends. [more inside]
posted by Ziggy500 on Feb 14, 2013 - 19 answers

How can I rebuild my college social life?

College freshman here. Friend from high school has, for lack of a better word, ruined my college social life. Looking for outside opinions on the situation in general. I'd truly appreciate any insight, advice, anecdotes, etc. Thank you! [more inside]
posted by metacognition on Feb 10, 2013 - 20 answers

What to do when someone leaves a big, messy, painful hole in your life

She was somewhere between best friend and lover to me...but this person is like someone I've never met before. I loved her more than anyone I've ever loved in my life and she's done this ugly 180 on me. I need to know how to get past it. My heart is seriously shot. What should I do? How am I suppose to feel? I just feel so disoriented....what do I do? [more inside]
posted by Cybria on Feb 8, 2013 - 15 answers

Friendships after relationships

I'm trying to figure out the best way to understand and handle the relationship between myself and a good friend who is also my ex. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by jlibera on Feb 4, 2013 - 20 answers

Accidental polyamory: is this how it's supposed to work?

Should I be worried about the direction my casual relationship with a married guy is heading in? If so, how do I tactfully deal with it? [more inside]
posted by houndsoflove on Feb 4, 2013 - 36 answers

Friendship and hospitality norms with Russian/Jewish/Israeli couple?

My North American husband and I are at the beginning of a friendship with a couple who have kids at the same daycare as we do. We live in Canada. They moved to Canada 1.5 years ago and were born in the Ukraine/Soviet Union, moved to Israel at early ages where they lived for about 18 years and subsequently moved here. I am having trouble understanding how to build this friendship, partly, I think, because of cultural differences. [more inside]
posted by kitcat on Feb 2, 2013 - 16 answers

What movie did I see?

I saw a movie an indie movie a few years ago and I can only recall certain details. I'd like to know what the title is. [more inside]
posted by davebush on Feb 1, 2013 - 3 answers

Please help this introvert make new friends!

I have been an introvert for as long as I can remember. I do have a few good friends that I enjoy talking to, but usually they were the ones who befriended me, instead of the other way around. Now, because of changes of circumstances in my life, I would like to bring more new people into my life, more actively this time. Dear hive mind, please give me some tips on how I can do it. [more inside]
posted by clair-obscur on Jan 28, 2013 - 8 answers

How can I be supportive to a friend under these weird circumstances?

I'm a woman, my friend is a guy, both 30-something. We work together, and recently started having music jam sessions that have gone really well. He's been contacting me a lot, and we've opened up to each other about stuff. It's all been platonic. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 25, 2013 - 13 answers

It's like having an obnoxious in-law, but not.

My friend and his wife are visiting later this year. I enjoy my friend's company very much, but being around his wife for more than a day or two drives me nuts. Help me find some way to mitigate this without damaging our friendship in the process. [more inside]
posted by Broseph on Jan 14, 2013 - 19 answers

How to salvage a friendship and is it worth it?

How do you salvage a friendship when you feel need to talk to someone but feel like there's no point as when you've asked to talk to that person about the pain they've caused you they've said they need space. Then when you try to express yourself via email (yes I know it should never be done) they respond with a vitrolic email. Or is it worth trying to salvage the firendship? [more inside]
posted by Ranting Prophet of DOOM! on Jan 11, 2013 - 21 answers

How can I help my friend get help for suspected mental illness?

I'm sure that my friend (who lives cross-country) is dealing with un-diagnosed untreated mental illness. I'm 99% sure it's bipolar disorder, based on lots of information and evidence. I don't want this thread to be about diagnosing, but rather about how to help (I think we can agree that the steps I should take to help would be largely the same regardless of what he's grappling with, right?). [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 10, 2013 - 7 answers

Ugh...friend, more than a friend, not a friend? So confused!

My best friend and I keep having drama in our friendship because of feelings. I had feelings for him, but he says he just wanted to stay friends. I told him I needed space to get rid of my feelings so we can stay friends. But he won't let me. He keeps bringing me back into his life. Even when he said he was starting a relationship with someone else. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by impactsmoothie on Jan 9, 2013 - 55 answers

Should we invite this jerk to our wedding?

Our maid of honor slept with a friend and he treated her badly. He is now in a serious relationship with another old friend. Can we invite her and not him without hurting the friendship? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 7, 2013 - 56 answers

It's okay, you can tell me I'm too needy.

Communication expectations in a friendship - what is reasonable to ask of a best friend? [more inside]
posted by sunshine37 on Jan 4, 2013 - 18 answers

Weird female friend territory. Help!

I'm a married female. My female friend has admitted to having feelings for me and continually makes subtle comments. What to do? [more inside]
posted by shiggins on Jan 3, 2013 - 44 answers

please help me be a nice guy and still get the girl

Can the hive mind confirm that men need a dark side to seduce women ? I’m a nice guy and I’ve not been lucky in love. Have I not been lucky in love because I’m a nice guy ? [more inside]
posted by Baud on Jan 2, 2013 - 66 answers

Don't go, but don't stay.

I'm obsessed with my friend? (snowflake details inside). [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 30, 2012 - 13 answers

...Why am I so antisocial?

Is it wrong for me to not want any friends, or will it destroy me in the long run? [more inside]
posted by orchidgenes on Dec 27, 2012 - 21 answers

Blogging for IRL friends?

Have you deliberately used your personal blog(s) to make IRL friends completely outside your social circle? [more inside]
posted by zeek321 on Dec 18, 2012 - 9 answers

oversharers wanted

Where can i seek out people who are into oversharing and instant intimacy? [more inside]
posted by TestamentToGrace on Dec 14, 2012 - 37 answers

Bye-bye ex-friend, please.

How to end a friendship as painlessly as possible? (online snowflake-y version) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 12, 2012 - 13 answers

Frienddate? But I just want to kiss your face. :(

I have a second date coming up this weekend. I think. The guy seems to like me in some way, but there is an odd vibe with the friend vs. date signals and I have no idea how to proceed. Any advice? [more inside]
posted by houndsoflove on Dec 11, 2012 - 20 answers

Friendship is Magic

How do I tell my instructor that I would like to see him socially after the class is over without sounding like a stalker? You would think being direct would be the simple answer, but I am feeling socially awkward about the whole thing and need some advice. [more inside]
posted by evilcupcakes on Dec 7, 2012 - 20 answers

How Do We Meet New People?

Wife and I just moved near Centennial, CO and are wanting to meet new people our age. The thing is, she is 29 and I am 38, no children...People I work with are families or older who want to do kid stuff with other couples. We both like movies, games, books, are easy to please and are easy to get along with...don't have a lot of money for high end stuff but would be nice to just get to know some folks. Any thoughts?
posted by anonymous on Dec 7, 2012 - 9 answers

History of pre-internet remote friendships?

I'm curious about the history of friendship - specifically examples - famous or otherwise - where very deep friendships are sustained only by remote means. Mail I think, but I suppose telegraph and telephone also meet this definition. Pre-electric examples slightly preferred, but I'm open to being corrected. Bonus points for examples of relationships where the individuals involved never physically met.
posted by artlung on Dec 4, 2012 - 14 answers

Don't call it a breakup: Friendship Edition

Why do I feel like I'm in a relationship with my friend? Not in the way that's fun, but more the trainwreck variety: "How come I didn't know about...?" "Why aren't you letting me in?" "No one knows you like I do." "How dare you betray me. You're just like all the others." Some of my other friends have also noticed possessiveness on her part, and more than one person has asked me or wondered if we were dating. [more inside]
posted by smock smock smock on Nov 29, 2012 - 31 answers

How to help a friend stuck for decades?

Friend stuck in a deep rut. Increasingly concerned he may never escape. Anything I can do to help? [more inside]
posted by u2604ab on Nov 28, 2012 - 23 answers

Coping with social isolation after the end of a long relationship.

I had a serious relationship of about ten years that ended a bit more than a year ago. My SO was my sole source of human friendship and companionship. Now that I'm on the other side, I'm struggling. How do I cope with the lack of meaningful human interaction and what can I do to move towards something better? [more inside]
posted by prex on Nov 26, 2012 - 23 answers

Middle(wo)man

How does one go about mediating between estranged lovers? [more inside]
posted by lilacp on Nov 15, 2012 - 27 answers

How To Respond to Friend's Betrayal

I had a close friend/coworker recently betray me on a very deep level. I've known him for over 3 years and he did everything he said he wouldn't, just for a girl. I really have no desire to continue the friendship any longer and we have not talked since the betrayal occurred. I want to confront him, mostly to get the anger/pain off my chest, but won't be able to do so in person for another few weeks. Is it best to just wait to do the confrontation in person? Or would it be ok to let out the anger earlier, through a text or email? Or would the best thing be to just turn and walk away, leaving
posted by blueberrybubbles on Nov 14, 2012 - 29 answers

How do I settle this debt?

Parents bought a $1.8k plane ticket for my friend and now she's agreeing to wire back $900 into my account. She had agreed to pay back the full price initially. How do I get the rest of the money back? [more inside]
posted by lyinlion on Nov 7, 2012 - 34 answers

Help me learn how to maintain friendships?

I am a good friend, I meet loads of interesting people, but I am terrible at maintaining friendships. Help me not end up alone, on my couch, eating out of a tuna can every night wondering what happened to all my friends. [more inside]
posted by amoeba on Nov 5, 2012 - 17 answers

time, distance, jobs, a baby, or me: what's the problem?

I feel abandoned by some friends. How should I address this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 3, 2012 - 18 answers

What to do about a friend who doesn't make time for me and other friends

What is this kind of behavior? I have a friend who constantly turns down invitations to do anything because she says her life is so busy. [more inside]
posted by spooky car on Nov 2, 2012 - 40 answers

How to give a male friend advice?

Men of Mefi please explain - how do I give advice to a man? My male friend gives me lots of good advice but never asks for any from me. How do I keep the ledger balanced? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 2, 2012 - 43 answers

Mountain out of a molehill: is this great crush-guy gay?

This Question Makes Me Feel Silly: I like him, think he likes me. . .but I honestly can't tell whether or not he's gay. Need advice on how best to handle clearing this up. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 1, 2012 - 39 answers

I have a new friend, she has a giant Despair Squid.

"Emotional affairs" and being a good partner to someone with severe depression: I need a friend, but this new friendship is moving fast and I'm about 99% sure that my partner will be massively upset if she finds out. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 1, 2012 - 23 answers

Is our friendship over? How can I fix things?

Got into a bad argument with a friend. Is the friendship over? How can it be saved? [more inside]
posted by impactsmoothie on Oct 25, 2012 - 37 answers

How can I keep this friendship, and should I even try?

What to do about a close friend who seems to have become an alcoholic--and cemented his new status of "repeatedly gets so drunk he black-outs" in my mind by telling me details of his sexual fantasies involving myself and his wife (my former best friend)? Bonus features: super long background story! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 24, 2012 - 34 answers

Inter-office conflict

Please help me manage/cope with this grad school inter-office conflict. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 23, 2012 - 12 answers

How to establish emotional boundaries but still help depressed friend?

How to establish emotional boundaries but still help depressed friend? [more inside]
posted by wannabecounselor on Oct 23, 2012 - 12 answers

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