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792 posts tagged with friendship.
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How can I best help my depressed friends & also take care of myself?

I watch many people who I care a lot about suffer from depression. I would sincerely do anything to help them, and do whatever I can think of: conversations, little notes and random texts, hanging out, offering help with thinking through options if they want it, etc. But, as someone who is lucky to not have 'been there', it's hard to know when I'm crossing a line and what's really needed. In fact, I think most of my efforts translate to "I know you mean well, but..." even though I'm also one of the few people these friends go to when things get bad. On top of worrying and trying to help, I also spend (probably too much) time thinking about what they're going through and what would be most helpful. It's exhausting for me and stressful, but it's personally not an option not to care. I end up internalizing this stuff and it affects my normal activities, even though at the end of the day, I'm not the one suffering. I want to be as good a friend and resource as possible to these people I truly care about and also want to avoid falling victim to anxiety or depression myself because of it. Any tips from either the 'been there' - depressed and knows what's helpful - perspective or the sincerly-caring-friend side of this equation would be much appreciated. Thanks.
posted by anonymous on Nov 12, 2013 - 15 answers

Please give me words for explaining my boundaries.

Can I explain to someone how their negative behaviors are putting me off, but maintain an amicable relationship with them? I get too emotional to find fair words. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 1, 2013 - 30 answers

Should I tell her?

A friend's ex-husband confessed a number of sins to me. Should I tell her? Drama below. [more inside]
posted by Josephine Macaulay on Oct 31, 2013 - 58 answers

It's Complicated (But Not Really)

What would you call this type of relationship? [more inside]
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing on Oct 29, 2013 - 43 answers

Deciding if to turn a "breakup" into a friendship

Someone who I bonded with decided we had no spark, but wants to be friends. I am having trouble dealing with being rejected and my lowered self-esteem from the rejection but I feel like he is such a special person that I want to keep him as a friend. We had an intense online relationship for three months and dated for less than 2 weeks. Reading all these posts on MetaFilter has really helped me deal better with my breakup, but I still feel a inner turmoil about how I should handle my own situation. I don't feel that I trust my judgment so...here I am. Help on the matter is appreciated or just some advice or words would help me get through this. [more inside]
posted by LadyAerin on Oct 26, 2013 - 45 answers

two tickets back to the friend zone, please.

A friend recently confessed that they have Seriously Distracting Feelings for me. Nothing remotely more-than-friendly has ever occurred between us, and they've been married for as long as I can remember. My only option is to pretend like it never happened, but I'm struggling with disappointment and resentment because the introduction of this dynamic frequently changes the foundation of the accompanying friendship and I don't want that to happen. What are some tactics I can employ to make sure that I'm able to move forward respectfully, privately, and (most importantly) at arm's length? Can I take steps to ensure our friendship will mostly go back to how it was before, or is trying to do so an exercise in futility given the circumstances? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 21, 2013 - 16 answers

Why won't you do any washing up?!

How do we ask our housemate to do more around the house without sounding like a douchenozzle? [more inside]
posted by Trexsock on Oct 16, 2013 - 35 answers

How to cheer up a friend long-distance

My best friend just got laid off from her new job and gave birth to premature twins. The twins can't come home for a month and she is understandably really depressed about that. She lives about 3,000 miles away from me so I'm trying to think of some ways to brighten her day and let her know I'm thinking of her. Some of her likes: movies, acting, makeup/beauty stuff, Dave Matthews.
posted by trillian on Oct 10, 2013 - 17 answers

Moving forward after making a mistake, costing you a great opportunity?

I made a mistake that resulted in me missing out on a great opportunity to build a decent support group in my new city, which I have been struggling to adjust to. I feel so much pain and regret at losing what was sure to be a great thing. How can I move forward? Any advice much appreciated. [more inside]
posted by independence under the radar on Oct 9, 2013 - 13 answers

Is it appropriate for me to attend my friend's grandmother's funeral?

After a slow, sad decline over the past decade, one of my best friend's much beloved grandmother has passed away. While I never met her ouma in person my friend has often shared stories of her life, the things she had taught her and more recently the sorrow of her drawn out illness and her fears for the future as it became clear she didn't have very long left in this world. My question is: is it appropriate for me to attend the funeral service this coming week? [more inside]
posted by Philby on Sep 28, 2013 - 37 answers

Guess vs Ask, grieving edition

Dealing with grief, unsure how to ask friends for support, if at all. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 15, 2013 - 13 answers

How to get out of this?

For the last 6 months, I have been involved in and online "thing". I think it's time to cut this off. Most effective way? [more inside]
posted by sabina_r on Sep 3, 2013 - 14 answers

I'm just not that into you!

How do I discourage someone who is pursuing me for friendship? [more inside]
posted by saturn~jupiter on Aug 28, 2013 - 32 answers

Please don't ask me

How do I kindly decline my struggling-writer friends' numerous requests that I submit their screenplays to my agent, without causing any bad feelings or strife? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 27, 2013 - 45 answers

Is it okay to stop maintaining contact with a longtime 'friend'?

I have a 'friend' with whom I am not interested in maintaining a friendship any longer. She seems to feel otherwise and is being a bit persistent. I keep ignoring her emails and phone calls, but still, every few months or so, there she is. I really don't want to have to tell her that I don't want to be her friend anymore. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 26, 2013 - 37 answers

Explaining disossociation

Disossociating is a frequent problem I experience and I sometimes need to ask friends to help ground me. How can I explain what happens to people with no experience with mental health? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Aug 25, 2013 - 15 answers

Suppose you're never going to have any friends for the rest of your life

I have no friends. I have no reason to believe I'll ever have any friends. Is it even possible to have a worthwhile life? [more inside]
posted by dekathelon on Aug 23, 2013 - 164 answers

Am I overreacting or is my friend a narcissist?

Am I overreacting or is my friend a narcissist? [more inside]
posted by stedman15 on Aug 17, 2013 - 21 answers

Drama with a potential roommate - time to cut and run?

I've been planning to move to another city, and become roommates with a friend, but things got a bit weird this week and I don't know whether to fight the urge to run away fast or instead listen to it and head for higher ground. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Aug 16, 2013 - 39 answers

My friend is befriending a rapist. What do I do about it?

How do I advise my (male) friend whose social circle is intersecting with a rapist? Seeking resources as well as advice. [Trigger warning] [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2013 - 45 answers

How best to deal with polite, yet really rude and selfish people?

This woman I've been friends with is like a sheep in wolf's clothing. Extremely polite, kind, caring on the outside, which totally draws you in to being friends with her. But in reality she's demanding, bossy, everything has to be on her terms, and really childish. I'm in a totally one-sided friendship with a friend and neighbor and I am having a really hard time doing the fade-away because she is so (seemingly) well-liked and established in our circle of friends and such a presence in our neighborhood. How, in your relationships, or circle of friends do you bring to someone attention that you are tired of always being the one doing the driving, inviting, hosting, etc. and that they need to step up and do their part? This person comes across as so sweet, kind and socially savvy that saying anything like this to her could seem to be really damaging, akward and embarassing for this person. She is non-confrontational, has been a total avoider in past relationships, and always comes across as holier than thou and as someone who always takes the higher road, etc. I'm so sick of having to cater to her demands and would really like to say something while maintaining a semblance of dignity, and politeness. Can you help with some suggestions? [more inside]
posted by dmbfan93 on Jul 30, 2013 - 35 answers

Anger/lack of remourse in relationship

I'm not sure how to handle a situation with my best friend and an outburst her boyfriend caused this weekend which caused a huge rift between all of us. She has been dating for about 7 months and I have met him a handful of times, and truely was a huge fan of him until this weekend. I want to talk to her about it, but want to see if my take on the situation is appropriate and how to approach it. [more inside]
posted by love2much on Jul 29, 2013 - 37 answers

How do I tell a long-term friend that I want less of her in my life?

I have a long-term friend (25+ years.) For the most part, our friendship was a good one, but in the past 7 to 8 years, it's become a source of stress for me. I've tried talking with her about this, but she appears to be in denial and dismisses what I say, so nothing gets resolved, and the vicious cycle repeats. Because of our history, and my relationships with her children, parents, and brother, I don't want to cut her off completely, but I want less of her in my life. I've got to deal with this, but I don't know how. [more inside]
posted by matrushka on Jul 29, 2013 - 10 answers

So, now, is it rude to decline?

my friend invited me alone to her wedding. I asked her about it. I'm invited with no guest. now, do I have to go? [more inside]
posted by euphoria066 on Jul 25, 2013 - 126 answers

Fantasy online romance

Few months back, I started talking to someone online that I have never met. Things developed from there and now all our conversations revolve around our feelings for each other. I am happy to keep this as a fantasy. Am I still going to get hurt here? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 25, 2013 - 10 answers

Hiding chronic illness from people

I have been living with chronic illness for around 10 years now. I am only able to work part time, but I look completely healthy on the outside. Nobody apart from my family knows about it. I hide it for many reasons but unfortunately this makes it unable to get really close to anyone. What to do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 17, 2013 - 20 answers

At what point do I step back from being the supportive friend?

I need help deciding how to set boundaries with a friend - if I should even BE setting these sorts of boundaries. More within. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 16, 2013 - 20 answers

Friends WITHOUT benefits?

I've declined romantic overtures from X in the past. Subsequently, X made repeated friendly overtures toward me. My reciprocation of friendly overtures made X angry. I'm not sure if I need a reality check, or if X does. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2013 - 34 answers

How do I tell a friend I don't want to be her maid of honor anymore?

My friend and her fiance have been engaged for five years and they've finally set a wedding date for next year. Over the past several years, my friend has changed into someone I barely recognize. I’ve had to distance myself from her toxic behavior and no longer count her as a close friend. She still thinks of us as best friends and hasn’t asked anyone else to be in her bridal party. She has no other close friends to ask but I just can’t do it anymore. What’s the kindest possible way to tell her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 3, 2013 - 26 answers

Should we be afraid of our friends' new house?

Our friends are about to move into a house that was built in or around in '60. They've had contractors rip out a lot of carpet and tile to replace it with hardwood, and the husband friend casually told my husband that there might be asbestos in the tile but he'd have to get it tested to know for sure. [more inside]
posted by kitcat on Jun 24, 2013 - 20 answers

Facebook blues

I'm contemplating friending someone on Facebook who previously defriended me, but I'm worried I'm going to come off as a creeper. How to proceed? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 18, 2013 - 27 answers

am i obligated to invite a (horrible) mutual friend to a party?

about a year ago, I had a falling out with a mutual friend, complete with group g-chat strategy sessions, late-night mediations and about a dozen really, really long emails. the reason for it doesn't matter that much, but This Lady showed no good faith in my intentions and less than no respect for me as a somewhat intelligent and considerate person. since my two closest friends are good friends with are, am i obligated to invite This Lady to any mass party or event things? [more inside]
posted by blandcamp on Jun 18, 2013 - 33 answers

Is there an App for that?

I meet new people all the time, and have lots of old friends from different phases of my life. I realize I can't keep up with everyone I've ever met, but I'd like a better system for helping to manage new friendships. Is there an app like that? [more inside]
posted by amoeba on Jun 17, 2013 - 8 answers

Girlfriend met a guy on dating site. This isn't settling well with me.

My girlfriend, who is lonely, used a dating site to make a "friend" which I'm having difficulty coping with. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 14, 2013 - 81 answers

My ex-friend won't accept that I don't want to contact her. What now?

My ex-friend won't accept that I don't want to contact her. It's been 2 years since I've spoken to her, but she keeps texting me, emailing me, even sending presents on birthdays and holidays. What now? [more inside]
posted by Viola on Jun 14, 2013 - 39 answers

A breakup means you break things off...

This was me. Short version: was in a 6 year relationship with about a year of long distance, partner dumped me for someone else out of the blue. A month later he broke up with her and has since been really working hard for us to get back together. I can't imagine trusting him enough to get back into a relationship, but I love him and he's my best friend so we're doing this weird friends-who-miss-one-another and love-one-another thing that I know will eventually end badly. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 11, 2013 - 25 answers

meant friendship or something else?

opinion please! [more inside]
posted by MiuMiu on Jun 9, 2013 - 51 answers

Please explain this style of emotional disclosure/intimacy to me.

I have been getting closer to a friend of mine recently. He has a very particular way of sharing his feelings or more meaningful thoughts that I find a bit off putting and perhaps a little wary? Can you explain to me this one-sided monologue style of sharing when I am used to more of a back and forth? [more inside]
posted by abirdinthehand on Jun 2, 2013 - 38 answers

How to handle comments from hostile ex-friends

How do I become more assertive and handle their remarks? [more inside]
posted by lawgirl on May 31, 2013 - 33 answers

Getting you to open up is like squeezing blood from a turnip

In addition to wanting to make new connections who are the oversharing, vulnerability exposing type (see previous askme questions) I would also like to improve (increase) the amount of friendship intimacy with my current set of friends. It's failing miserably, even with those friends I've had for years and I can't help wonder if I'm doing something wrong, or if my views on what's appropriate and desirable are off. [more inside]
posted by TestamentToGrace on May 30, 2013 - 98 answers

Reading recommendations - community and friendship version

I'm starting a reading/discussion group on the topic of communities and friendships. What are some good articles/essays/books/websites for us to read? [more inside]
posted by danceswithanonymity on May 29, 2013 - 11 answers

My best friend can't come to my wedding. Help me be a grown-up.

I am getting married really soon, and I have known for a while that my best friend will not be at the wedding (for a really good reason - not that she needs one of course - but that's not the issue). I thought I was totally okay with it - it's just a party! I know she loves me! - but all of a sudden it hit me really, really hard that she won't be there. I don't know how to make this feel better. This is a terrible snowflakey question, but I am really, really sad, and I need better ways to think about this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 29, 2013 - 42 answers

Huge misunderstanding with casual friend now an incredible mess.

Huge misunderstanding with casual friend now an incredible mess. I don't know how to handle this so am turning to you for advice. I am honestly trying to keep it brief and still include relevant details. [more inside]
posted by young sister beacon on May 27, 2013 - 52 answers

Home Sales Party- How do I end this sales pitch?

My friend will not stop pestering me to invite my friends to her home sales party. How do I navigate this situation without damaging our friendship or leaving one of us feeling bitter? [more inside]
posted by karyotypical on May 22, 2013 - 53 answers

Where them like-minded people at?

I need a major friend refresh/revamp. What are actionable steps I can take to find like-minded people, and in particular people that will both give/take in the fun department? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2013 - 13 answers

I keep bumping into a former friend at parties. What do I say?

I quite conclusively ended the friendship. Now I'm seeing her at social events all over town, and she doesn't seem willing to play my 'you don't exist and I can't see you' game. What do I do next? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2013 - 32 answers

My feelings were hurt. Should I say anything at all?

I told my friend about an experience that caused me anxiety in the past. I felt that her responses were tone-deaf and hurtful. Was it? And should I say anything, even though the moment has passed? If so, what should I say? [more inside]
posted by orangutan on May 13, 2013 - 37 answers

NOT the Maid of Honor disappointment--swallow or confess

This seems petty, but I am sincerely and exorbitantly bummed out (with some jealousy and hurt feelings to boot) that MY best friend didn't choose me to be her maid of honor. I'm clearly the next-in-line bridesmaid, but I haven't as of yet achieved many positive feelings about the honor I've received, but would like to, and as quickly as possible. [more inside]
posted by lovingkindness on May 13, 2013 - 54 answers

Walking on egg shells is exhausting.

My friend has done a lot for me. That doesn't change the fact that she is a miserable person. How do I breakup with a friend when I feel beholden to her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 12, 2013 - 20 answers

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

Luckily I’m not deceiving, but I have managed to get myself into a very unfortunate romantic relationship with an old friend. Help me untangle myself? A blizzard of snowflake details inside… [more inside]
posted by sarahgrace on May 10, 2013 - 26 answers

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