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Breaking up... with dozens of people at once

I think I may need to detach from my main friend group, but I have no idea how to start over. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2014 - 15 answers

If everything is temporary anyway, how do I keep caring?

I'm in my mid-thirties - professionally successful, non-sociopath, etc.. When I look behind me, though, my past is littered with the corpses of dead friendships. Two part question: 1. Is this normal? 2. If so, how do I maintain my optimism about current and future friendships? Details inside. [more inside]
posted by missrachael on Mar 11, 2014 - 21 answers

I need to NOT like this person. Immediately.

I've started a real nice friendship with someone in a serious relationship. I can't help it but I feel like I'm starting to develop strong feelings. I need to stop and prevent these thoughts from going any further. [more inside]
posted by MeaninglessMisfortune on Mar 7, 2014 - 28 answers

How can I not mess this up?

How do you have a platonic relationship with someone who has expressed non-platonic interest in you? Is this possible? [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Mar 3, 2014 - 22 answers

How to take online dating slowly?

I'm a bisexual woman in my 20s, and I started online dating in January. I moved to a new country so I am totally content with meeting new people and learning more about the city through them. I also really enjoy just talking to new people in general without any expectations, but I wonder if can do something better so I can actually have something romantic? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 2, 2014 - 6 answers

cut off flaky friend?

How to deal with a friend who you really like, who is really unreliable? [more inside]
posted by bearette on Feb 27, 2014 - 26 answers

Dealing with loss of friendshp

How do you deal with a complicated loss of friendship that has no possible resolution? [more inside]
posted by lullu73 on Feb 13, 2014 - 23 answers

Platonically lovely movies?

We're having friends over on Friday to partake in non-romantic love and closeness. There will be a pillow pit in the TV room. What are movies we can put on that fit the mood of the evening? [more inside]
posted by itesser on Feb 9, 2014 - 40 answers

How do you make new friends online these days?

I used to have several friends that I spoke to online regularly, but for one reason or another, these have largely faded away. How and where can I make new ones? [more inside]
posted by Jezri on Feb 8, 2014 - 6 answers

Trying to not burn that bridge

I'm pushing away a (formerly close) friend and don't know how to stop. Please help. [more inside]
posted by SecondSock on Feb 4, 2014 - 14 answers

Friendship woes

How to tell if this a friendship is over - snowflakey wall of text inside [more inside]
posted by Trexsock on Feb 4, 2014 - 16 answers

How to set platonic boundaries in a male/female friendship

I'm female and I've developed a close friendship with a guy over the past six months. As often happens, there is attraction beyond just a friendship. However, special snowflake circumstances dictate that we need to stay platonic--perhaps not forever, but certainly for now. I need help in setting boundaries. [more inside]
posted by Rainflower on Feb 4, 2014 - 29 answers

Risks of long-term borrowing a car from a friend?

I have a sudden need for a car for the next several months. An awesome friend has offered to lend me his. What could go wrong? [more inside]
posted by catesbie on Feb 1, 2014 - 22 answers

Give up on long distance friendships?

I moved cross country 4 years ago. It's hard to stay in touch with my friends from back there, and I know people move on and away from friends at times. But I'm thinking I should stop trying to keep a connection with them after an email I sent asking for encouragement was ignored. [more inside]
posted by dollyllama on Jan 29, 2014 - 30 answers

Dating with PTSD - And Tell Me Cutting Off This "Friend" Was Right

I've got PTSD and am socially isolated in graduate school. I met a hot guy, and had to friend-dump him because he's in a long distance relationship. Tell me I did this right! [more inside]
posted by cheberet on Jan 28, 2014 - 21 answers

I can't afford to celebrate my friends' weddings like this!

Practical: Any ideas for fun-but-cheap bachelorette weekend accommodations or activities around the central East Coast? Context: I'm the last single friend of our group of friends, and the most broke. I'm comfortable with talking about money, but my friends are WASPier types who'd prefer to never, ever discuss anything to do with finances, and tend to change the subject abruptly when it comes up. This is a problem when I'm expected to pitch in for something that I really can't afford, but that everyone else can. I'm thinking the best solution is to pitch an alternative that I can afford. [more inside]
posted by magdalemon on Jan 28, 2014 - 19 answers

Different Life Tracks

How to deal with friends moving in different directions in life/feeling left behind? [more inside]
posted by sprezzy on Jan 26, 2014 - 12 answers

Mending a friendship and now I can't stand up at his wedding... advice?

Over the past two years an old friend and I have been working to mend years of mutual resentment stemming from poor choices we both made in the past. I don't feel like the details of those choices are particularly relevant to the problem at hand, but we've both had to reach out and admit to wrongdoing. This isn't a one-way issue, we both did horrible things to each other. [more inside]
posted by ISeemToBeAVerb on Jan 22, 2014 - 18 answers

dealing with death of a good friend...

One of my closest friends committed suicide. I am having a really hard time understanding my feelings about it. [more inside]
posted by kanata on Jan 21, 2014 - 22 answers

Too Close For My Comfort

Ethics and friendship filter. Help me find the courage to tell my friend that this introvert is not going to stay in a single hotel room with two double beds and three non related people. It's already been advanced booked and I'm expected to pay my share. [more inside]
posted by Xurando on Jan 21, 2014 - 27 answers

Can/should I be friends with someone I dated or can I end it gracefully?

I've dated a man on and off for two years. I shouldn't have gotten involved with him again after the first breakup, but I did, and we eventually became friends with benefits. This was ok for a while because I was dealing with some serious family issues and didn't have much energy or time for a relationship, and we enjoy each others company. He recently decided he wanted a girlfriend and through online dating has found someone. I'm struggling with whether to walk away, or to try to maintain a friendship. [more inside]
posted by pinkbungalow on Jan 20, 2014 - 17 answers

Help me get over being dumped by a close friend.

A good friend of mine has gone several months not speaking to me with no explanation, I finally reached out asking what was wrong and she replied with a passive-aggressive email ending our friendship. [more inside]
posted by shotinthedark on Jan 11, 2014 - 29 answers

Learning how to set limits and follow through on them

I need help in learning how to firmly say no and in changing patterns that have been years in the making. I’m an empathetic and intuitive person and I’m very generous. It’s second nature to me to offer to help out or to support my friends. I come from a very ‘what’s mine is yours’ approach. I’ve given people places to stay, financial support, intensive emotional support and career assistance. I like being this way; it’s true to me and I’m not resenting or adding it up…but I feel I am training some people to exploit me or to assume they are always entitled to my help. I’m happy with these parts of myself, but recently I’ve started feeling that my kindness and sensitivity to others needs and boundaries is encouraging some people to treat me as if I have no boundaries or needs myself. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 4, 2014 - 35 answers

I don't enjoy hanging out with women.

I AM a woman. I don't generally like hanging out with women. Suggestions? [more inside]
posted by skbw on Dec 31, 2013 - 75 answers

How to support friend, untangle my issues, and set proper boundaries?

One of my best friends disclosed to me over the summer regarding a long-held secret that involves his sexuality in relation to physical identity, gender-expression, and self-esteem vis-a-vis body-dysphoria issues. I am trying to be supportive, but am afraid I've failed and become more of an enabler in the process. I feel like I'm being pressured to be his therapist & could use some advice re: how to proceed. Snowflakes apply; more inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 9, 2013 - 16 answers

My closest friend is mentally unwell and in love with me. Help.

I share a house with my oldest and closest friend, and I have found out that he is in love with me and feels intense heartache and jealousy when I date. He is deeply depressed and emotionally dependent on me. We are both late 20s guys and I am straight. I don't know how to deal with this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 1, 2013 - 17 answers

I would prefer not to spend time with my friend when she is very stoned

Is there any good way to tell a dear friend I don’t really want to chat on the phone or spend long periods of time with her when she’s very, very stoned? [more inside]
posted by JayAlfred on Nov 28, 2013 - 14 answers

Everyone IS hanging out without me!

Like it says in the title: everyone is hanging out without me. How do I get back into my group, or should I not even try? [more inside]
posted by like_a_friend on Nov 21, 2013 - 31 answers

Not disciplining 7-y.o. boy for publicly battering younger girl - WTF?

While at a small family gathering in our friends' home, my coworker's 7-year-old son suddenly grabbed a 4-year-old girl, raised her up into the air over his head, and body-slammed her onto the living room floor -- in full and complete view of 8 parents, including both of his own. His parents never did or said anything to him about it that night, and we're all horrified. How do we get to a place of acceptance when folks make vastly different parenting choices than our own, and our kids see it? Details ... [more inside]
posted by hush on Nov 15, 2013 - 55 answers

How can I best help my depressed friends & also take care of myself?

I watch many people who I care a lot about suffer from depression. I would sincerely do anything to help them, and do whatever I can think of: conversations, little notes and random texts, hanging out, offering help with thinking through options if they want it, etc. But, as someone who is lucky to not have 'been there', it's hard to know when I'm crossing a line and what's really needed. In fact, I think most of my efforts translate to "I know you mean well, but..." even though I'm also one of the few people these friends go to when things get bad. On top of worrying and trying to help, I also spend (probably too much) time thinking about what they're going through and what would be most helpful. It's exhausting for me and stressful, but it's personally not an option not to care. I end up internalizing this stuff and it affects my normal activities, even though at the end of the day, I'm not the one suffering. I want to be as good a friend and resource as possible to these people I truly care about and also want to avoid falling victim to anxiety or depression myself because of it. Any tips from either the 'been there' - depressed and knows what's helpful - perspective or the sincerly-caring-friend side of this equation would be much appreciated. Thanks.
posted by anonymous on Nov 12, 2013 - 15 answers

Please give me words for explaining my boundaries.

Can I explain to someone how their negative behaviors are putting me off, but maintain an amicable relationship with them? I get too emotional to find fair words. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 1, 2013 - 30 answers

Should I tell her?

A friend's ex-husband confessed a number of sins to me. Should I tell her? Drama below. [more inside]
posted by Josephine Macaulay on Oct 31, 2013 - 58 answers

It's Complicated (But Not Really)

What would you call this type of relationship? [more inside]
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing on Oct 29, 2013 - 43 answers

Deciding if to turn a "breakup" into a friendship

Someone who I bonded with decided we had no spark, but wants to be friends. I am having trouble dealing with being rejected and my lowered self-esteem from the rejection but I feel like he is such a special person that I want to keep him as a friend. We had an intense online relationship for three months and dated for less than 2 weeks. Reading all these posts on MetaFilter has really helped me deal better with my breakup, but I still feel a inner turmoil about how I should handle my own situation. I don't feel that I trust my judgment so...here I am. Help on the matter is appreciated or just some advice or words would help me get through this. [more inside]
posted by LadyAerin on Oct 26, 2013 - 45 answers

two tickets back to the friend zone, please.

A friend recently confessed that they have Seriously Distracting Feelings for me. Nothing remotely more-than-friendly has ever occurred between us, and they've been married for as long as I can remember. My only option is to pretend like it never happened, but I'm struggling with disappointment and resentment because the introduction of this dynamic frequently changes the foundation of the accompanying friendship and I don't want that to happen. What are some tactics I can employ to make sure that I'm able to move forward respectfully, privately, and (most importantly) at arm's length? Can I take steps to ensure our friendship will mostly go back to how it was before, or is trying to do so an exercise in futility given the circumstances? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 21, 2013 - 16 answers

Why won't you do any washing up?!

How do we ask our housemate to do more around the house without sounding like a douchenozzle? [more inside]
posted by Trexsock on Oct 16, 2013 - 35 answers

How to cheer up a friend long-distance

My best friend just got laid off from her new job and gave birth to premature twins. The twins can't come home for a month and she is understandably really depressed about that. She lives about 3,000 miles away from me so I'm trying to think of some ways to brighten her day and let her know I'm thinking of her. Some of her likes: movies, acting, makeup/beauty stuff, Dave Matthews.
posted by trillian on Oct 10, 2013 - 17 answers

Moving forward after making a mistake, costing you a great opportunity?

I made a mistake that resulted in me missing out on a great opportunity to build a decent support group in my new city, which I have been struggling to adjust to. I feel so much pain and regret at losing what was sure to be a great thing. How can I move forward? Any advice much appreciated. [more inside]
posted by independence under the radar on Oct 9, 2013 - 13 answers

Is it appropriate for me to attend my friend's grandmother's funeral?

After a slow, sad decline over the past decade, one of my best friend's much beloved grandmother has passed away. While I never met her ouma in person my friend has often shared stories of her life, the things she had taught her and more recently the sorrow of her drawn out illness and her fears for the future as it became clear she didn't have very long left in this world. My question is: is it appropriate for me to attend the funeral service this coming week? [more inside]
posted by Philby on Sep 28, 2013 - 37 answers

Guess vs Ask, grieving edition

Dealing with grief, unsure how to ask friends for support, if at all. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 15, 2013 - 13 answers

How to get out of this?

For the last 6 months, I have been involved in and online "thing". I think it's time to cut this off. Most effective way? [more inside]
posted by sabina_r on Sep 3, 2013 - 14 answers

I'm just not that into you!

How do I discourage someone who is pursuing me for friendship? [more inside]
posted by saturn~jupiter on Aug 28, 2013 - 32 answers

Please don't ask me

How do I kindly decline my struggling-writer friends' numerous requests that I submit their screenplays to my agent, without causing any bad feelings or strife? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 27, 2013 - 45 answers

Is it okay to stop maintaining contact with a longtime 'friend'?

I have a 'friend' with whom I am not interested in maintaining a friendship any longer. She seems to feel otherwise and is being a bit persistent. I keep ignoring her emails and phone calls, but still, every few months or so, there she is. I really don't want to have to tell her that I don't want to be her friend anymore. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 26, 2013 - 37 answers

Explaining disossociation

Disossociating is a frequent problem I experience and I sometimes need to ask friends to help ground me. How can I explain what happens to people with no experience with mental health? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Aug 25, 2013 - 15 answers

Suppose you're never going to have any friends for the rest of your life

I have no friends. I have no reason to believe I'll ever have any friends. Is it even possible to have a worthwhile life? [more inside]
posted by dekathelon on Aug 23, 2013 - 164 answers

Am I overreacting or is my friend a narcissist?

Am I overreacting or is my friend a narcissist? [more inside]
posted by stedman15 on Aug 17, 2013 - 21 answers

Drama with a potential roommate - time to cut and run?

I've been planning to move to another city, and become roommates with a friend, but things got a bit weird this week and I don't know whether to fight the urge to run away fast or instead listen to it and head for higher ground. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Aug 16, 2013 - 39 answers

My friend is befriending a rapist. What do I do about it?

How do I advise my (male) friend whose social circle is intersecting with a rapist? Seeking resources as well as advice. [Trigger warning] [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2013 - 45 answers

How best to deal with polite, yet really rude and selfish people?

This woman I've been friends with is like a sheep in wolf's clothing. Extremely polite, kind, caring on the outside, which totally draws you in to being friends with her. But in reality she's demanding, bossy, everything has to be on her terms, and really childish. I'm in a totally one-sided friendship with a friend and neighbor and I am having a really hard time doing the fade-away because she is so (seemingly) well-liked and established in our circle of friends and such a presence in our neighborhood. How, in your relationships, or circle of friends do you bring to someone attention that you are tired of always being the one doing the driving, inviting, hosting, etc. and that they need to step up and do their part? This person comes across as so sweet, kind and socially savvy that saying anything like this to her could seem to be really damaging, akward and embarassing for this person. She is non-confrontational, has been a total avoider in past relationships, and always comes across as holier than thou and as someone who always takes the higher road, etc. I'm so sick of having to cater to her demands and would really like to say something while maintaining a semblance of dignity, and politeness. Can you help with some suggestions? [more inside]
posted by dmbfan93 on Jul 30, 2013 - 35 answers

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