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slow fade isn't working

I have a friend who I consider to be almost family. We used to be extremely close through middle and high school, and probably most of while I was in college. She had a really rough childhood that resulted in PTSD and lasting issues with relationships. Over the past few years our daily lives have become pretty different and I think as she's had less going on she's gotten harder to talk to. I've been trying the slow fade, but she's noticed and I have to figure out how much to explain. [more inside]
posted by sepviva on Jun 2, 2014 - 14 answers

My houseguest will be staying for weeks but doesn't have spending money

I agreed to let a friend from out of the country stay with me for almost a month this summer, but now that the visit is getting closer, she has been mentioning that she doesn't have any spending money. Help me make sure this doesn't become my problem! [more inside]
posted by Neely O'Hara on May 30, 2014 - 43 answers

what to expect when your best friend is expecting?

My best friend is a few weeks out from the birth of her first child. Mom, dad, and baby are healthy and well-appointed. Everything is great! But inspired by anecdotes and first-hand experience, I am growing increasingly terrified that our friendship will necessarily falter and/or fade in light of this incalculably life-altering event. Can folks with similar experience give me a heads-up as to what can, should, or could happen next? Any tips or tricks that might help a person figure out how to offer the right combination of support and space to their new parent friends? [more inside]
posted by divined by radio on May 28, 2014 - 36 answers

My friends paid me for a gift and it hurt my feelings. now what?

At a picnic with some friends, I gave everyone ten-ish minute massages (I am a massage therapist). It was a spontaneous gesture and I really enjoyed doing it. As I was leaving, a friend slipped an envelope in my bag. When I got home and opened it, there was a card with money inside, thanking me for their "first session". I feel like this turned a spontaneous act of goodwill and friendship into a business transaction. I'm hurt, saddened, and a little offended. I didn't want money or ask for it, and I don't think that I said or did anything implying otherwise. Now I feel like I'm not their friend, I'm hired help. How do I address this?
posted by windykites on May 24, 2014 - 22 answers

You don't know what you don't know, until you know it

I am 21 years old. Currently I am living at home, working two jobs and trying to figure out what to do for school. I am not close to my family, I was kind of neglected as a kid and feel like I lack a lot of basic life skills and understanding of life. I never realized it before but I am very naive and ignorant. I really want to become more successful socially though, but I'm wondering how exactly to catch up or if I can. [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on May 15, 2014 - 18 answers

Is it worth it to confront your flaky friends about their flakiness?

If they don't care enough to show up, does it mean they don't care if they hurt my feelings? [more inside]
posted by winterportage on Apr 29, 2014 - 29 answers

How to set platonic boundaries in a male/female friendship

I'm female and I've developed a close friendship with a guy over the past six months. As often happens, there is attraction beyond just a friendship. However, special snowflake circumstances dictate that we need to stay platonic--perhaps not forever, but certainly for now. I need help in setting boundaries. [more inside]
posted by Rainflower on Feb 4, 2014 - 29 answers

Give up on long distance friendships?

I moved cross country 4 years ago. It's hard to stay in touch with my friends from back there, and I know people move on and away from friends at times. But I'm thinking I should stop trying to keep a connection with them after an email I sent asking for encouragement was ignored. [more inside]
posted by dollyllama on Jan 29, 2014 - 30 answers

I can't afford to celebrate my friends' weddings like this!

Practical: Any ideas for fun-but-cheap bachelorette weekend accommodations or activities around the central East Coast? Context: I'm the last single friend of our group of friends, and the most broke. I'm comfortable with talking about money, but my friends are WASPier types who'd prefer to never, ever discuss anything to do with finances, and tend to change the subject abruptly when it comes up. This is a problem when I'm expected to pitch in for something that I really can't afford, but that everyone else can. I'm thinking the best solution is to pitch an alternative that I can afford. [more inside]
posted by magdalemon on Jan 28, 2014 - 19 answers

Can/should I be friends with someone I dated or can I end it gracefully?

I've dated a man on and off for two years. I shouldn't have gotten involved with him again after the first breakup, but I did, and we eventually became friends with benefits. This was ok for a while because I was dealing with some serious family issues and didn't have much energy or time for a relationship, and we enjoy each others company. He recently decided he wanted a girlfriend and through online dating has found someone. I'm struggling with whether to walk away, or to try to maintain a friendship. [more inside]
posted by pinkbungalow on Jan 20, 2014 - 17 answers

I don't enjoy hanging out with women.

I AM a woman. I don't generally like hanging out with women. Suggestions? [more inside]
posted by skbw on Dec 31, 2013 - 75 answers

I would prefer not to spend time with my friend when she is very stoned

Is there any good way to tell a dear friend I don’t really want to chat on the phone or spend long periods of time with her when she’s very, very stoned? [more inside]
posted by JayAlfred on Nov 28, 2013 - 14 answers

Not disciplining 7-y.o. boy for publicly battering younger girl - WTF?

While at a small family gathering in our friends' home, my coworker's 7-year-old son suddenly grabbed a 4-year-old girl, raised her up into the air over his head, and body-slammed her onto the living room floor -- in full and complete view of 8 parents, including both of his own. His parents never did or said anything to him about it that night, and we're all horrified. How do we get to a place of acceptance when folks make vastly different parenting choices than our own, and our kids see it? Details ... [more inside]
posted by hush on Nov 15, 2013 - 55 answers

It's Complicated (But Not Really)

What would you call this type of relationship? [more inside]
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing on Oct 29, 2013 - 43 answers

Deciding if to turn a "breakup" into a friendship

Someone who I bonded with decided we had no spark, but wants to be friends. I am having trouble dealing with being rejected and my lowered self-esteem from the rejection but I feel like he is such a special person that I want to keep him as a friend. We had an intense online relationship for three months and dated for less than 2 weeks. Reading all these posts on MetaFilter has really helped me deal better with my breakup, but I still feel a inner turmoil about how I should handle my own situation. I don't feel that I trust my judgment so...here I am. Help on the matter is appreciated or just some advice or words would help me get through this. [more inside]
posted by LadyAerin on Oct 26, 2013 - 45 answers

Moving forward after making a mistake, costing you a great opportunity?

I made a mistake that resulted in me missing out on a great opportunity to build a decent support group in my new city, which I have been struggling to adjust to. I feel so much pain and regret at losing what was sure to be a great thing. How can I move forward? Any advice much appreciated. [more inside]
posted by independence under the radar on Oct 9, 2013 - 13 answers

Explaining disossociation

Disossociating is a frequent problem I experience and I sometimes need to ask friends to help ground me. How can I explain what happens to people with no experience with mental health? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Aug 25, 2013 - 15 answers

Drama with a potential roommate - time to cut and run?

I've been planning to move to another city, and become roommates with a friend, but things got a bit weird this week and I don't know whether to fight the urge to run away fast or instead listen to it and head for higher ground. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Aug 16, 2013 - 39 answers

How do I tell a long-term friend that I want less of her in my life?

I have a long-term friend (25+ years.) For the most part, our friendship was a good one, but in the past 7 to 8 years, it's become a source of stress for me. I've tried talking with her about this, but she appears to be in denial and dismisses what I say, so nothing gets resolved, and the vicious cycle repeats. Because of our history, and my relationships with her children, parents, and brother, I don't want to cut her off completely, but I want less of her in my life. I've got to deal with this, but I don't know how. [more inside]
posted by matrushka on Jul 29, 2013 - 10 answers

am i obligated to invite a (horrible) mutual friend to a party?

about a year ago, I had a falling out with a mutual friend, complete with group g-chat strategy sessions, late-night mediations and about a dozen really, really long emails. the reason for it doesn't matter that much, but This Lady showed no good faith in my intentions and less than no respect for me as a somewhat intelligent and considerate person. since my two closest friends are good friends with are, am i obligated to invite This Lady to any mass party or event things? [more inside]
posted by blandcamp on Jun 18, 2013 - 33 answers

Please explain this style of emotional disclosure/intimacy to me.

I have been getting closer to a friend of mine recently. He has a very particular way of sharing his feelings or more meaningful thoughts that I find a bit off putting and perhaps a little wary? Can you explain to me this one-sided monologue style of sharing when I am used to more of a back and forth? [more inside]
posted by abirdinthehand on Jun 2, 2013 - 38 answers

Huge misunderstanding with casual friend now an incredible mess.

Huge misunderstanding with casual friend now an incredible mess. I don't know how to handle this so am turning to you for advice. I am honestly trying to keep it brief and still include relevant details. [more inside]
posted by young sister beacon on May 27, 2013 - 52 answers

NOT the Maid of Honor disappointment--swallow or confess

This seems petty, but I am sincerely and exorbitantly bummed out (with some jealousy and hurt feelings to boot) that MY best friend didn't choose me to be her maid of honor. I'm clearly the next-in-line bridesmaid, but I haven't as of yet achieved many positive feelings about the honor I've received, but would like to, and as quickly as possible. [more inside]
posted by lovingkindness on May 13, 2013 - 54 answers

Help solve a friendship dispute.

2 friends attempt to get together once or twice a week and when they do its a really great, fun time. Both are quirky and odd and feel personal connections and common interests are a rare thing. But.... A is always late, often gets distracted with other plans when executing the original plan, abruptly changes plans or altogether forgets them. B likes to stick to plans and follow through reliably. B is often frustrated at A for what appears/presents as inconsideration, flakiness or straight up lying. A is often frustrated at B's inability to be flexible or understanding or appreciating of the 'thought' behind the plans whether or not they actually materialize. Friend A has untreated adhd (and doesn't want to discuss it) and and Friend B thinks this may be a contributing factor. Friend A and Friend B both secretly think the other is in the wrong while they try to compromise in order to continue the friendship of 4 years, but the many disagreements are wearing on them. Should A and B just not hang out anymore?
posted by tenaciousmoon on May 7, 2013 - 31 answers

Help me tell my BFF to shut up, in the nicest of ways.

My best friend is dating a new guy and is currently in the "floating in the clouds" stage. He's all that she talks about, texts me about, emails me about, mentions, quotes, you name it. I'm happy for her, but I am quickly reaching "who cares" stage. She does this with everyone she dates, but this guy might become permanent, so I'm not brushing it off as "just wait until this passes". How can I politely tell her that we need to have conversations about OTHER THINGS? She can be very sensitive, and I don't want her to feel that I am not interested in the relationship or not happy for her. More details inside. [more inside]
posted by ElectricGoat on Apr 28, 2013 - 26 answers

I promise I don't bite . . .

What causes social rejection absent a glaring personality flaw? [more inside]
posted by chainsofreedom on Apr 27, 2013 - 16 answers

do they have contempt for me, or am I being silly?

Last week a friend of mine insulted me behind my back, which then got back to me in a convoluted way. I am having trouble getting over this, and I want to know if I am overreacting. [more inside]
posted by thereemix on Apr 23, 2013 - 92 answers

Friend to employer? New relationship guidelines...

So Mr. lasamana got a job (yay!). He had an offer from a company that was not local and an offer that was local but with a fair amount of travel. We made our decision in part by Mefi. Now the question - he’s now working for the local company that includes 2 separate friends of ours. They are his bosses. He seems cool with it but I’m having an issue. We (3 couples) are friendly through our kids. 2 of ours and separately 1 each of theirs (different ages). Occasionally we got together as moms and socialized. This happens maybe 2x/year. Our conversation runs the gamut and included personal stuff. Not to mention we run into each other in the store, etc. I feel very leery all of a sudden about these relationships. Not to mention I sense a sudden cooling off by one of the wives. Is it better to let these friendships fade or maintain as if nothing changed? I should one of these couples has been very good to one of kids even including him on overnight trips and stuff. Now I’m concerned even about the propriety of that in relation to other employees. Do I have a valid concern? Want to add I really like both couples and have had great fun with the wives.
posted by lasamana on Apr 22, 2013 - 6 answers

If you feel out of place with people your age, does this ever go away?

Can you relate to most people who are your age? If not, have you always felt this way? [more inside]
posted by metacognition on Apr 14, 2013 - 30 answers

Social Math: 1+1=/=1

Suggestions for nice things to do for the couples who are nice to you (especially when you're single and kind of broke)? [more inside]
posted by xenization on Apr 3, 2013 - 18 answers

I think I may have to have a serious talk with my frie

Frienship-filter: L. and I have been friends for more than 15 years. The first couple of years, we spent a lot of time together. We were both in a relationship, so it was one of those couples relationship which also became very much about the two of us. After cca 2 years, I moved away to be with the other half of the couple, and stayed away for about 10 years. We have now been in the same place for 5 years (move-away relationship went bust), and I am having trouble with our friendship. [more inside]
posted by laceysocks on Mar 26, 2013 - 17 answers

When to warn others about a toxic coworker?

Our new coworker has been hanging out a lot with another coworker who is known as a liar, drama generator and just generally selfish and hurtful person. Because he is initially quite charming, she has no idea of his "other side." Do I tell her what everyone else knows or is that just talking trash and I should let her draw her own conclusions? [more inside]
posted by abirdinthehand on Mar 22, 2013 - 28 answers

How to quit a band?

How to let them down easy? [more inside]
posted by winterportage on Mar 20, 2013 - 16 answers

Heartbroken friend being bad friend

Hi, I have a friend who is incredibly heartbroken. His girlfriend and he broke up after a very long relationship, and I don't think it was a clean breakup, but he has not told me what happened exactly (I suspect she was cheating on him). Let us call him George to make this flow more easily. [more inside]
posted by kbennett289 on Mar 19, 2013 - 19 answers

Supplements and friends

What to do in the face of a friend's exhortations to take nutritional supplements? [more inside]
posted by mister_kaupungister on Mar 10, 2013 - 35 answers

Ending a friendship over friend's unethical behavior?

I have realized recently that I have a few friends that behave in ways, in other areas of their life, that I think is unethical. How do you draw the line, when someone's behavior is not directly affecting you, on what is acceptable for your standards of friendship? [more inside]
posted by abirdinthehand on Feb 23, 2013 - 33 answers

How can I rebuild my college social life?

College freshman here. Friend from high school has, for lack of a better word, ruined my college social life. Looking for outside opinions on the situation in general. I'd truly appreciate any insight, advice, anecdotes, etc. Thank you! [more inside]
posted by metacognition on Feb 10, 2013 - 20 answers

What to do when someone leaves a big, messy, painful hole in your life

She was somewhere between best friend and lover to me...but this person is like someone I've never met before. I loved her more than anyone I've ever loved in my life and she's done this ugly 180 on me. I need to know how to get past it. My heart is seriously shot. What should I do? How am I suppose to feel? I just feel so disoriented....what do I do? [more inside]
posted by Cybria on Feb 8, 2013 - 15 answers

What movie did I see?

I saw a movie an indie movie a few years ago and I can only recall certain details. I'd like to know what the title is. [more inside]
posted by davebush on Feb 1, 2013 - 3 answers

It's okay, you can tell me I'm too needy.

Communication expectations in a friendship - what is reasonable to ask of a best friend? [more inside]
posted by sunshine37 on Jan 4, 2013 - 18 answers

Frienddate? But I just want to kiss your face. :(

I have a second date coming up this weekend. I think. The guy seems to like me in some way, but there is an odd vibe with the friend vs. date signals and I have no idea how to proceed. Any advice? [more inside]
posted by houndsoflove on Dec 11, 2012 - 20 answers

History of pre-internet remote friendships?

I'm curious about the history of friendship - specifically examples - famous or otherwise - where very deep friendships are sustained only by remote means. Mail I think, but I suppose telegraph and telephone also meet this definition. Pre-electric examples slightly preferred, but I'm open to being corrected. Bonus points for examples of relationships where the individuals involved never physically met.
posted by artlung on Dec 4, 2012 - 14 answers

How do I settle this debt?

Parents bought a $1.8k plane ticket for my friend and now she's agreeing to wire back $900 into my account. She had agreed to pay back the full price initially. How do I get the rest of the money back? [more inside]
posted by lyinlion on Nov 7, 2012 - 34 answers

What to do about a friend who doesn't make time for me and other friends

What is this kind of behavior? I have a friend who constantly turns down invitations to do anything because she says her life is so busy. [more inside]
posted by spooky car on Nov 2, 2012 - 40 answers

Is our friendship over? How can I fix things?

Got into a bad argument with a friend. Is the friendship over? How can it be saved? [more inside]
posted by impactsmoothie on Oct 25, 2012 - 37 answers

Inter-office conflict

Please help me manage/cope with this grad school inter-office conflict. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 23, 2012 - 12 answers

Looking for some dialogue, maybe from Jane Austen

I'm trying to track down a piece of dialogue from a book, possibly written by Jane Austen, about people who seek out a friendship and then decide they don't like the other person. [more inside]
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug on Aug 31, 2012 - 11 answers

My long-distance best friend is depressed and suicidal. Help me help her!

My extremely-gifted best friend halfway across the world was depressed and then recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Now she's nearly suicidal. I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do... [more inside]
posted by luciphercolors on Aug 31, 2012 - 11 answers

Delicate Situation, a bit complicated

How long should I wait to tell my friend about my feelings? So here goes (sorry in advance for the very long post, please stick with me). First time around that I ask for advice on any website... [more inside]
posted by 560fence_cat on Aug 29, 2012 - 31 answers

How to deal with my friend's friends

I'm not sure how to tell my friend that I would really like to keep hanging out with her--just not in a group setting. Help? [more inside]
posted by tooloudinhere on Jul 9, 2012 - 21 answers

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