How do you screen for reliability and filter out self-centered/selfish nature in dating in real life and online dating? And, how do you find out whether a person (for dating or friendship) is a 'giver' or a 'taker'?
By reliability and being a giver, I don't mean something as trivial as calling when they say they will. I mean more like being there for you when you are going through one or more major challenging life events, putting the relationship and "us" before individual interests especially when the going gets rough for you and not for them individually.
Does this kind of reliability even exist among partners and can one really, truly, deeply trust another human being or do you feel you always have to watch your back even with a partner of months or years or decades?
posted by xm
on May 7, 2013 -
20 answers
I just got asked by email to meet for drinks by this guy in my Meetup group. He's a nice person, and I'd like to be friends. I have a boyfriend, and I don't think he knows this. How do I politely deflect?
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posted by iadacanavon
on Dec 16, 2012 -
23 answers
My date canceled on me because he's best friends with a guy who is in love with me...even though I have absolutely no feelings for said friend and I've told him so. How do I handle this?
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posted by mlk915
on Dec 13, 2012 -
64 answers
I think my best friends are dating behind my back which hurts my feelings. To further complicate matters, I like one of the best friends in a romantic way and I don't know how to deal with the whole situation. Help!!!
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posted by cyml
on Nov 25, 2012 -
25 answers
After posting
this question, I asked out a guy that I was interested in. It's going pretty great, except that my friends won't leave me the hell alone about it, and I want to think about something else!
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posted by windykites
on Nov 25, 2012 -
8 answers
Overwhelmed with parenthood/work/life...how am I supposed to manage everything? Am I being selfish?
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posted by andariel
on Sep 8, 2012 -
30 answers
We dated for quite a while, but it didn't work out and we've ended up as good friends. But now I'm entering a serious relationship for the first time since it ended, and the shift in my attention seems to be rattling her. How can I handle this gracefully?
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posted by anonymous
on Jun 12, 2012 -
39 answers
I'm a great, funny guy. I'm decent looking. I end up friends with everyone I want to date because I don't want to be "that guy" and make them feel uncomfortable by making some stupid, awkward "move". Thoughts?
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posted by peripatetic007
on Mar 13, 2012 -
63 answers
In the last
Roderick on the Line, John says that he always gets a houseguest a glass of water, before they ask - because 9 times out of 10, someone always loves a glass of water. I love this idea. What are some low-key courtesies you extend or have had extended to you by friends, romantic partners, suitors, etc. that show someone you're thinking about their needs and general comfort?
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posted by Apropos of Something
on Nov 28, 2011 -
55 answers
Do I tell my partner his friend said something snarky? The brief: I have a fantastic bf who is everything I could ask for in a man. He's got a large circle which includes several female friends. One of them, he mentioned before I met her, is known for being funny, but generally inappropriate and uncouth (he gives pretty fair descriptions like this of everyone I've met, not singling her out). Met her a few times, and most recently she was very, very drunk. Can you guess where this is going?
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posted by OompaLoompa
on Nov 2, 2011 -
47 answers
This guy is confusing me. He acts like he likes me but we sometimes don't see each other for a few weeks.
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posted by ohtimorousme
on Jun 18, 2011 -
24 answers
Is disliking a SO's friends a dealbreaker in a serious relationship? (snowflake details inside)
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 6, 2011 -
27 answers
It seems I don't have a lot of sustained interest in meeting new people or hanging out with people in general
other than people I'm attracted to romantically/want to date.
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posted by clever anonymous username
on Dec 19, 2010 -
11 answers
After 15 years of disappointing dating, how do I hold on to my optimism and avoid apathy in my relations with others?
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posted by everydayanewday
on Nov 15, 2010 -
17 answers
How to become friends (not a romantic interest) with someone you just went on a date with through OkCupid?
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 28, 2010 -
30 answers
what is the secret to make people like you and call you back to hang out or to go on a second date?
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 1, 2010 -
24 answers
I'm an American guy in my mid-late twenties living in Melbourne, Australia for (at least) the next eight months. My social life was quite exciting when I first moved here during late summer, but lately it feels a bit stagnant at times. I'm looking for ideas of activities to get involved with, to make use of my free time and help me connect with new people (friends of both sexes, plus THE LADIES).
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posted by adamk
on Jul 25, 2010 -
8 answers
Should I date someone I'm not attracted to if the other option is never dating?
I'm a girl. I went on a date with a boy I met on the internet, and it was pathetic. We talked about my mother, his mother, and lesbian movies I've seen. (Was that a bad subject for a first date? I'm inexperienced.) He was using open body language and I was using closed. I didn't realise this at the time. He was totally uninitiative and way too nice and I found that unappealing.
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posted by anonymous
on Jun 6, 2010 -
32 answers
I seem to find myself in the same situation all the time - I'm friendly with a girl, and there seems to be a pretty clear sense of mutual attraction. But for whatever reason, I'm not really interested in dating them. Sometimes it's a shared interests thing - maybe there's one thing we have in common but share pretty much nothing else. Or maybe they're just really immature about some things. Or maybe they're someone I work tangentially with that it would be sorta inappropriate for me to date. Anyway, for me it seems like the attracted-to scale and the want-to-date scale are kind of independent. It's great when they line up, but often they don't. So how do I go about telling them that I'm attracted to them but don't really want to date? Or is that just totally unwanted?
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 18, 2010 -
10 answers
From (v.early stage) dating to friends and all the way back - express ride to disaster or potential success? Am mostly curious to find out if anyone had similar experiences and can enlighten me
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posted by coffee_monster
on Aug 2, 2009 -
3 answers
I was rejected pretty kindly, we are being friends, and we're hanging out an awful, awful lot. Please help me get some perspective.
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posted by anonymous
on Jun 6, 2009 -
10 answers
I met this girl, and we were sorta-dating for a couple of weeks, before eventually she decided she wasn't up for dating anyone at the moment and we had the "just friends" talk. I'm fine with that, but would like AMF's advice on best practices for making her have second thoughts. This is less of a bad idea than it might seem, I promise.
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posted by Jacen Solo
on May 26, 2009 -
52 answers
I'm in love with my friend. I'm going to tell him, but not for a few months. A) What do I do in the meantime? B) Any dos/don'ts for when I tell him? C) How do I both hope for the best and keep my expectations in check so I don't get hurt if he's not interested? D) Any way I can feel him out for signs of interest?
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 1, 2009 -
42 answers
Since the beginning of the year, I've begun binge drinking in social situations to loosen up. What can I do that will help me get over my anxieties and not have to depend on a bottle to make me talkative and fun?
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 12, 2009 -
21 answers
SocialSkillsFilter: How can I become better at reading people, and telling whether or not someone is interested in pursuing a friendship farther?
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 2, 2008 -
12 answers
