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Personal Responsibility, My Ass

A close-ish friend and colleague of mine has started to show his true colors in the past few weeks with inflammatory statements on various social issues. I am disgusted, but I want to turn our conversations into learning opportunities. He's just now starting to realize that his beliefs are problematic and he's open to educating himself, but I don't even know where to start. [more inside]
posted by chara on Aug 27, 2014 - 16 answers

Help me (emotionally) graduate from middle school.

This question is very difficult for me to ask, but it has been on my mind enough that I need to swallow my pride and throw it out to you fine folks. I have not been a teen for over a decade; I am, overall, a well-adjusted adult. I am at the top of my game professionally, I am happily married, and I have some wonderful friends. I also have perspective on "real issues"... I've survived some fairly significant tragedies and dealt with family drama that has rendered my therapist speechless. So why do I let the petty antics of a few former friends (who are also colleagues) ruin my day? [more inside]
posted by hippychick on Jul 25, 2014 - 25 answers

Ending friendship like a grown-up

I’d like to get some outside opinions on managing the probable end of a friendship with a formerly very close friend, without (any more) melodrama or middle-school emotional antics. I will definitely see her at a mutual friend’s birthday in a couple of months, and I may see her infrequently (e.g. a few times a year) on an ongoing basis. [more inside]
posted by Kpele on Jul 21, 2014 - 28 answers

Handling an irresponsible friend

Things have come to a head with a friend, and I want to figure out if I'm right in wanting to cut and run, or if there is something else I should instead be doing. While the friend has her virtues (she's kind, a social butterfly, fun to hang out with), I've come to the conclusion that she is also very irresponsible, and my experiences dealing with this irresponsibility have become a point of stress and frustration in my life. [more inside]
posted by Sakura3210 on Jul 13, 2014 - 21 answers

How do I go from friends with my male classmate to a relationship?

It has taken me two years to get over my ex-boyfriend, and now, in graduate school, I finally, finally met a guy classmate whom I think could be great boyfriend material. He is kind, sweet, super intelligent, and not to mention pretty good-looking. We've spent a bit of time together on projects and study together occasionally, and over the past few months I've really developed some feelings for this guy. The trouble is, I am quite shy and not very good at flirting, so I've tried to initiate contact by organizing study get-togethers, asking him questions on Facebook, etc. I don't want to seem clingy or weird by initiating all this contact though. As for me, people have said I'm pretty, kind, intelligent, blah blah blah. I'm at a point in my life where I would like to find the right man for me and settle down, and I think this guy could be it. Unlike my previous relationships in which we met online, with this guy, I've developed a friendship and my feelings have grown from what I've gleaned from his character and interactions with his family and friends. I really like him, and I don't want to let this one go. Do you have any advice for how to maybe hint to this guy that I like him?
posted by enantio on Jun 12, 2014 - 30 answers

slow fade isn't working

I have a friend who I consider to be almost family. We used to be extremely close through middle and high school, and probably most of while I was in college. She had a really rough childhood that resulted in PTSD and lasting issues with relationships. Over the past few years our daily lives have become pretty different and I think as she's had less going on she's gotten harder to talk to. I've been trying the slow fade, but she's noticed and I have to figure out how much to explain. [more inside]
posted by sepviva on Jun 2, 2014 - 14 answers

Involuntarily caught in housing benefit con

I recently took over paying the UK council tax in a shared living arrangement. The house is HMO licensed for 5 people, yet large, so there has always been a sixth person living here off the books since way before I moved in. That 'HMO invisible' started a housing benefit application. I'm being asked to lie to the council on email. No way! But this idiot is a good friend. Help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 14, 2014 - 11 answers

Is there any way to help my friend?

Someone who's been a good friend of mine for nearly a decade is going through a long rough patch (a rough field?). Is there anything concrete that I can offer her? [more inside]
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper on May 9, 2014 - 7 answers

Breaking up with a borderline friend

My friend has a long history of BPD. After many years we have moved in different directions and I no longer want to deal with her drama and lies. But I also don't want to make things worse for her. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 4, 2014 - 15 answers

Our friendship never recovered - what can I learn?

I told my friend I'd developed feelings for her. She didn't reciprocate - but we said we'd still be friends. Within three weeks we're at each other's throats and now it's all over. What the heck happened? [more inside]
posted by Henners91 on Apr 2, 2014 - 103 answers

How to be there for someone from far away

How do I write a letter of condolence to my best friend whose dad passed away when it is the only way I have of contacting him? [more inside]
posted by holmesian on Apr 1, 2014 - 9 answers

Developing feelings for a 'friend' - did I do bad?

I started a postgraduate course 3 months ago and there was a girl who stood out a fair bit. There were various issues that stopped me from considering dating her so I went down the friend route. She seemed interested in me at first - we ended up being alone together twice on nights out with others from the class, walking around London and the river, but I, not interested in any kind of intimacy, kept these meetings platonic. It's only recently that I've gotten myself together mentally, gotten to know her better and decided I like what I see - am I too late? What should I do to move from a new friendship back to that stage of 'initial attraction'? [more inside]
posted by Henners91 on Mar 11, 2014 - 14 answers

My friend accidentally fried my Macbook. What is her responsibility?

I'm in grad school. My friend/classmate accidentally knocked over her water bottle on Wednesday and drenched my MacBook Air (which was on the classroom table about three feet away), killing at least the motherboard (per the repair shop where I took it) and possibly other things as well. It will cost at least $520 to repair; I'm out of AppleCare coverage because I got my computer a bit over a year ago. I have two questions. [more inside]
posted by c'mon sea legs on Mar 9, 2014 - 89 answers

Getting out of friend zone

There's this one girl friend that I have. We started out as friends and I thought she was cute and I had a slight interest in her. However since we were in different majors and I studied abroad, I haven't seen her in over a year with no contacts. Today, I just met her after not seeing her for a long time and we had lunch. However, I felt attracted to her and I was wondering whether I should give it a go and ask her out. I still think she sees me as a friend judging by the text conversation before we went out for lunch. What do you guys think I should do? Is it worth it?
posted by soul24rage on Feb 1, 2014 - 22 answers

Best way to approach a girl in a library?

So I'm going to this library practically everyday to study (I can no longer study at home) and there's this girl who sits 5 meters or so from me in another table. We just stare at each other for seconds and then look away. [more inside]
posted by Attozes on Dec 20, 2013 - 28 answers

I know who I’d talk to, if only I could

How do you deal with the death of a good friend? [more inside]
posted by unannihilated on Dec 10, 2013 - 23 answers

How do I bury this? Or shouldn't I?

I haven't had a remotely sane romance for 10 years or so and have taken big chunks of time out from it all (sometimes involuntarily) and spent a lot of time reflecting and in therapy. I rekindled an old friendship with a male friend a while back and we have grown quite close. I always found him quite attractive though when we originally worked together he was married and I was dating, so it was a no go. [more inside]
posted by tanktop on Dec 8, 2013 - 11 answers

Please give me words for explaining my boundaries.

Can I explain to someone how their negative behaviors are putting me off, but maintain an amicable relationship with them? I get too emotional to find fair words. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 1, 2013 - 30 answers

My friend hit on me and another friend innappropriately. What to do?

I (female, straight, single, late 20’s) had a small party a few days ago. At the end of the night, one friend (we’ll call him Joe) was lingering late. I didn’t suspect anything, until he kissed me out of nowhere. Not sure what to do in follow up, especially considering that this isn't the first time he's done this to a female friend. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 1, 2013 - 48 answers

Did My Friend Steal From Me?

My friend helped herself without asking to a lot of guest soaps/shampoos etc. when she stayed at my house. Lots of soapflake I mean "snowflake" details inside. [more inside]
posted by WalkerWestridge on Oct 23, 2013 - 59 answers

Coping with frustration

I get frustrated with my roommate easily (sometimes fairly, sometimes unfairly), and need some coping mechanisms to remain civil. Roommate and I are friends, and generally have fun when we spent friends time together outside of the apartment. But we have some living differences... [more inside]
posted by Chaussette Fantoche on Oct 22, 2013 - 31 answers

Wedding Gift: Creative Guestbook Ideas

My best friend is getting married in June and I'm a bridesmaid. I've offered to put together a guestbook for the couple as part of the big day. I've heard of so many creative ideas - books with photos, framed signed photos, puzzles, etc., but some of them seem impractical. I want this to be something they can potentially display in their home as a reminder of the ceremony. I need ideas, links, personal anecdotes (what made your guestbook special?), to help me put together the best guest book for a lovely couple! It can be DIY or for purchase.
posted by brynna on Oct 14, 2013 - 19 answers

How to cheer up a friend long-distance

My best friend just got laid off from her new job and gave birth to premature twins. The twins can't come home for a month and she is understandably really depressed about that. She lives about 3,000 miles away from me so I'm trying to think of some ways to brighten her day and let her know I'm thinking of her. Some of her likes: movies, acting, makeup/beauty stuff, Dave Matthews.
posted by trillian on Oct 10, 2013 - 17 answers

New friend always invites me on group outings. Help!

I have a friend who includes me in events, which is nice... except, I don't really like her buddies. At all. I've met multiple groups of her friends and not really clicked with them. But when I suggest hanging out one on one, she's usually too busy. Not having been in this situation before, what do I do? Again, invites to hang out one on one are usually consolidated into some group event, where I find out lots of other people are invited. What is the most polite solution?
posted by kettleoffish on Sep 24, 2013 - 15 answers

Is this guy being overly enthusiastic?

A guy sends a FB friend request after after meeting you for the first time at a meetup group, AND promises to FB msg to ask if you're coming to a second event of that meetup group. Being pushy or what? [more inside]
posted by glache on Sep 16, 2013 - 24 answers

Facebook friend request from a stranger?

What might be going on here? [more inside]
posted by ragtimepiano on Sep 16, 2013 - 32 answers

Should I warn a friend about a potentially unscrupulous family member?

An old friend contacted me asking if I would be interested in financial advice from his sibling, who has recently started in the profession. I suspect that this sibling is a commission-based advisor earning money from a high-MER mutual fund provider through kickbacks. Should I confirm that and warn the friend, or let it be? [more inside]
posted by ripley_ on Sep 6, 2013 - 10 answers

I feel like I've woken up with no friends - what can I do to get by?

I'm a 22 year old male. In the past month I've moved to a new area, lost my best friend and gone through a breakup. My friendship had been so broad and close that I neglected my other social connections. I'm also new in my job and haven't made any real connections there. Ultimately it feels like, in the span of a few weeks, I've lost all of my social outlets. I feel desperately lonely and unsure about what the hell I can do. I'd appreciate any advice on how to get through life day-by-day as I piece myself together. [more inside]
posted by Henners91 on Sep 3, 2013 - 19 answers

Am I overreacting or is my friend a narcissist?

Am I overreacting or is my friend a narcissist? [more inside]
posted by stedman15 on Aug 17, 2013 - 21 answers

It didn't succeed...try, try again?

So one relationship didn't work out. Is it horribly rude to resume communicating with someone else who may know or be a friend with the other person? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 12, 2013 - 9 answers

Should we rent a room to our friend?

My husband and I just bought a house. We have more space than we currently need, and a friend is starting grad school in the area. We are considering renting a room to her. Have you done something like this? How did it work out for you? What made it work? What problems did you encounter? [more inside]
posted by Adridne on Aug 3, 2013 - 24 answers

Wedding gift/token ideas for best friend getting hitched across the pond

My best friend is flying over to the US next week to have a very small wedding ceremony with her beloved and some family, before they both come back to England to live. It was all pretty late notice and none of her friends from over here will be attending. She's said she doesn't want a big fuss made and they will probably have a party over here next year to celebrate, but I'd still love to give her a little something to take along so that she knows I'm thinking of her. Ideas please! [more inside]
posted by thegirlmaxtous on Jul 25, 2013 - 9 answers

How long should I wait before pushing my friend to pass on my résumé?

A friend offered to pass my résumé along for a job I want. How do I follow up with my friend without being rude? [more inside]
posted by pineappleheart on Jul 22, 2013 - 12 answers

Should I give up my cat to a roommate?

When my partner and I wound up living apart for grad school, our girl cat went with him to his new shared house. In the past 2 years, his roommate has become very attached to the cat. However, my partner is moving to my place to share an apartment with me and our male cat - these cats have managed together in the past, but some specific challenges (within)... What would be best for everyone, but mostly the girl cat, in this situation? Warning - long! [more inside]
posted by NorthernAutumn on Jul 22, 2013 - 18 answers

Friends WITHOUT benefits?

I've declined romantic overtures from X in the past. Subsequently, X made repeated friendly overtures toward me. My reciprocation of friendly overtures made X angry. I'm not sure if I need a reality check, or if X does. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2013 - 34 answers

How do you gently get someone to seriously consider therapy?

A dear old friend is losing friends through drinking, drug use, treating partners badly and borrowing money never to pay it back. She's had anger and anxiety issues for years as well as eating disorders that come and go in severity. She won't consider therapy and things are getting worse. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 4, 2013 - 13 answers

Where them like-minded people at?

I need a major friend refresh/revamp. What are actionable steps I can take to find like-minded people, and in particular people that will both give/take in the fun department? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2013 - 13 answers

My roommate is driving me nuts and I'm wondering what my options are

Basically I paid $400 (really cheap rent) for a small room sublet in Bensonhurst and one of my friends with benefits (who I knew for about a month), heard about my situation incidentally and kept on asking me to split rent with him in the Bronx. It's not a particularly bad area and it was financially feasible (he lives alone and his dad pays half his rent just as a nice gesture, so we'd split the remaining amount - $250 a month on me and the rest on him - about the same). So primarily for financial reasons, as I could save money on rent, I started moving my things and called my landlord to tell him I'm leaving this month within a couple weeks. [more inside]
posted by antgly on May 9, 2013 - 16 answers

Obsessed With a Friend

I've been married for 9 years and have been faithful in every way. I recently became close with a member of the opposite sex who I truly value as a friend. But I find myself thinking about this person way too much, and I am not sure how to deal with it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 7, 2013 - 15 answers

The thing that I hate about you is everything.

How do you dial it back when you've gotten to the point where you seem to be permanently, irrationally annoyed with someone? Imagine that this is a person who you can't avoid completely - a coworker, roommate, in-law, something like that. [more inside]
posted by mskyle on May 1, 2013 - 31 answers

So very jealous.

How do I deal with this jealousy? [more inside]
posted by Trexsock on Apr 26, 2013 - 13 answers

"Validate meeee"

How to be a better friend to a very insecure person. [more inside]
posted by sockandawe on Mar 26, 2013 - 18 answers

A friend is need is a friend in need.

Should I try to repair this friendship or let it fizzle and move on? I met my friend T about 9 years ago in college and we were close friends for about the last 6 years. Ahe was always more outgoing compared to me (I am a bit of a loner). Long details inside, thanks for taking the time to read... [more inside]
posted by WeekendJen on Mar 22, 2013 - 19 answers

I'll just start sleeping with my shotgun then...

Boyfriend wants to help lifelong thief friend without becoming a victim. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2013 - 34 answers

Mutual friend suffers in aftermath of breakup

Perhaps I’m too blinded by my own sadness to recognize a needed intervention and a friend who is also hurting. Any advice on how to stop wallowing and suck it up for the sake of the friendship? [more inside]
posted by cleanslate on Mar 13, 2013 - 13 answers

How do I deal with a toxic "friend"?

I'm trying to figure out what to do about an acquaintance now, who used to be a good friend, but is now just manipulative, lying, and spiteful. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 9, 2013 - 23 answers

Who asks who out after a raincheck?

If you mutually agree to raincheck who should ask who to do something next time? [more inside]
posted by earthquakeglue on Mar 1, 2013 - 20 answers

What is this particular behavior called?

What is this particular behavior called? [more inside]
posted by side effect on Feb 18, 2013 - 29 answers

How do (or should I) find out how a classmate died?

Someone I went to high school with died a year or so ago. I never learned what the cause of death was, and I'm curious. I drive by an adopt a highway sign dedicated to their memory often, and it confuses and bums me out. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 11, 2013 - 28 answers

My oldest friend is an alcoholic.

She's important to me. She used to be so smart and so much fun to be around. I feel like I can't just walk away, and in any event, I don't want to. Help me figure out what to do. Avalanche of details to follow. [more inside]
posted by sevensnowflakes on Jan 22, 2013 - 22 answers

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