Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with fostercare

They're coming to take you away

np312 — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 23:14:07 -0800

In the last 50 years of either British or American history, has there ever been a case in which the government has forcibly relocated a large percentage of the town's children for health, safety, or quality of life purposes? When I say "forcibly relocated," I mean over the parents' wishes.

What I'm looking for are situations where (for example) a town was so small/far-flung, or where K-12 educational facilities were too minimal, or they were just considered so isolated that the state authorities (or whoever) deemed the place an unfit place to raise a child, and intervened on the childrens' behalf.

I'm also interested in situations where the town was deemed unsafe for children to live based on crime, poor drinking water, etc.

I remember there being an Irish island that was forcibly vacated by the government due to being considered too isolated, but I'm really more concerned with any cases that involved the children being relocated, if their parents refused to move.

Has this ever happened in the last 50 years, in either Britain or America? Thank you in advance.

How can we help abused kids?

middleclasstool — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 09:58:16 -0800

How can I help stop child abuse, other than writing a check? This got long, sorry:

My wife and I fall into that category of 30-somethings who were terrified of the prospect of parenting but took the plunge anyway, only to find that the experience has totally transformed and enriched our lives. To our horror, we’ve discovered that one such transformation is that reading and hearing stories of child abuse, particularly those against the very young, is almost unbearable.

Things came to a head last night when my wife read about this local boy. I found her sobbing and nearly inconsolable in a heap on our living room chair. I started crying, too, when she was finally able to tell me why.

It was only the loudest and most recent indication of a growing feeling we've both been having for some time, that we need to get involved somehow with abused children. And here I thought I was just going to roast some coffee beans, listen to Joe Biden, and go to bed.

Writing a check, though something we'll do, is certainly not going to be enough.

I guess I'm looking for two things here: suggestions of ways we can volunteer time, and experiences of those who have been or currently are foster parents, which is another option we’re considering.

The foster idea is one that we’re both attracted to and afraid of — attracted, because we know we can be good parents to kids who need them; afraid, because we don’t know how much harder it will be than regular parenting. In addition, we’re both employed full-time and rely heavily on a combo my wife’s parents and a church “mother’s day out” program to help with day care. Making the commitment is fine for us, but we’re not prepared to commit my wife’s parents as well, as it just doesn’t seem fair to them.

So. I don’t know where to start, really. I’m interested in learning about foster parenting but may realistically have to wait until we’re a single-income family to actually commit. I’m so overwhelmed with questions about it that I don’t really know where to start. Still, I’d like your advice and experiences, especially from those of you who have taken the plunge.

And, of course, non-fostering volunteer opportunities as well, in case fostering isn’t a viable option for us now. What can you do to get involved?

Bonus points for stuff in/around Little Rock, Arkansas.

How to help teenagers in a violent relationship?

Anonymous — Sun, 03 Dec 2006 19:51:27 -0800

Can I help two teenagers in a violent relationship when they don't seem particularly interested in being helped? One of the teenagers lives with me. I'm a relatively new foster parent. One of my kids is a 16 year old lesbian girl. She's been with me about six months. She has a girlfriend, a 17 year old bi girl. They've been together for about a year and a half.

For some time I have been aware that they have physical altercations at times. I talked to "my" kid about violence not being the answer, etc., probably completely ineffective. I have urged her to go to counseling, and she has so far refused.

Lately the situation has escalated. There have been two serious violent incidents in the last two weeks. While both girls participate in the violence, "my" kid is the primary aggressor/abuser.

I have contacted the local LGBT anti-violence hotline. They are sending me a resource book and also gave me two referrals, one to an organization that helps survivors (e.g. "my" kid's girlfriend), and one to a counseling center that will take my kid. I actually knew about both resources, but it did make me feel better to talk to someone.

I asked the hotline person about whether/when I should call the police. The person stated that sometimes calling the police leads to unintended consequences: e.g., a set of authorities get involved, "my" kid could be taken out of my home, etc. On the other hand, the hotline person stated, sometimes a person needs to call the police.

Aside: I am aware that I could call child protective services, but in my experience that system is completely ineffective and incompetent, at least in my county, and will only make things worse. If CPS got involved, I think "my" kid would run away (which is how she has reacted to CPS in the past).

So, clearly this is a problem too big to get "solutions" on the internet, and I am not asking for solutions. But what I am interested in is hearing about similar experiences and what, if anything, worked in similar experiences.

I am particularly trying to figure out when/if calling the police is appropriate.

Also, how/whether I can force "my" kid into counseling, and when/whether such forced counseling could be helpful? I could tell her that she can't live here unless she goes to counseling, or that I'll take away one of her privileges (e.g. her cell phone) if she won't go to counseling.

I could ban the girlfriend from the house, but "my" kid would run away. For what it's worth, both girls have been told repeatedly that they are absolutely not allowed to be physical in my house. I am also trying to get the other girl into counseling as well. But so far it's an uphill slog.

A further question is how long I can deal with being around this dysfunctional relationship. I did not grow up with violence (lucky, I know), so it is upsetting to me (although intellectually I know that domestic violence is prevalent).

Some readers may identify me, which is fine, but for obvious reasons I am posting this anonymously.

Again, I am not looking for solutions, just experiences. I will be calling other resources in my community.

what does it take to be a foster parent in New Jersey?

FunkyHelix — Mon, 03 Oct 2005 07:07:40 -0800

Are any of you foster parents, and more specifically, do any of you foster children from within your family? Could you give me some advice? Assume this is all consensual among the family members. I'm googling information for NJ, and it's mostly just call this office and training, etc. So, that's my next step. But I'd like to hear from people who have done it themselves. What parts of the process were the hardest or the most frustrating? What do you wish you knew ahead of time?

Also, parenting tips for a troubled seven year-old boy? Besides counseling, of course.