How to understand a libertine nerd who acts shy / busy ?

Anonymous — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 03:34:22 -0800

NerdTalkFilter : What is guy talk about anyway ? What does a (nerd), (in an open relationship), (that is going downhill) (which im not supposed to know about) (guy with values), (mysterious and probably shy) Very Busy Guy (in a PhD program that makes him work 24/7)

/// mean, when he repeatedly says that he is "Entirely Available" to help me, (though he is super super busy), invites me ocasionally on get togethers with friends i don't really know, only talks about common things in person, yet makes romantic hints to me when we talk online ?

What could he mean ? The reason i am confused, is because after sending him mixed messages (he was talking about inviting me over to eat a few months ago, after we had just met, but i was going through hard things of my life (cf previous posts), and, underlining this, politely turned him down because i wasn't feeling like getting close to new people would be wise at the time. He knew it, and we lost touch, mostly due to busy schedules, both being in grad school. 4 months later I went on a few dates with one of his friends, who never told him about it (both are super nerds), and he saw us, which made me rather uncomfortable, therefore i left (we were at a café). Since then, he has mentionned wanting to hang out with me once, which we tried a few times, planning on him dropping by for a drink (casual talk once again), but he didnt contact me afterwhats (it happened 2 times); and every time i'd call him, he'd be very nice and say that he would be honored / glad to be of any help i would need (for class or anything). A rather gentlemany manner, it seems. But then, not showing up or calling back looks a bit rude Or not interested to me.

On the evening of the café episode, i heard from a newly-met mutual friend whom i talked to, that the guy im talking about, had a girlfriend, which i didnt know about, and that she was in another city.. also, that they were in an "open relationship", and that his gf had heard about me (looks strange for a nerd / gentleman, but thats okay..). His gf knowing about "me" kindda freaks me out, especially since i wasnt aware of their relationship, and wasnt supposed to know about it anyway.

Let me add that the guy is known for being quite oblivious or dense, often late and focused on his schoolwork, which could explain his odd behaviour. But, since we are both "taken", or it looks so at least, i don't feel right making another step towards him (though he has shown quite an interest to spend time with me when we first met).. How could i find out about his possible true thoughts, without confronting him ? (i dont want to be the girl walking out on his relationship, and neither do i want to hurt his friend with whom ive been on dates).

All i really want is to know him better, since a lot of things got in the way. Im not even talking about dating.

Before I finish, id like to add that i have told him already that i felt like i was disturbing him when i called (since he wouldnt follow up), but he responded by saying it really wasnt the case, and that he was particularly busy at the time (which is all the time). Thanks a lot if you can explain me all these nerd code messages :)

Lets just be friends.

cmyr — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 19:08:54 -0800

How should a woman make it clear to a man she has just met that she is interested in being friends, even good friends, but not interested romantically? This is a question asked of me by a friend and which I find myself unable to answer satisfactoraly, and so I turn to AskMe.

How should she be friend-friendly without seeming girlfriend-friendly? How can she avoid misleading boys while still being warm? Is it tactful, if she has a boyfriend, to mention him right away? If she does not have a boyfriend, how can she make it clear she's not looking? Obviously the confusion between warmth and interest is pretty common. Is this (mistaken intent) something that sociable outgoing women have to learn to just sort of deal with?

I had expected this to have been asked before (and I think I kind of remember it) but I couldn't find it... apologies if it is in the stack somewhere.

How to flirt

theora55 — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:50:53 -0800

I'm not good at flirting. In fact, when I am interested, I tend to be somewhat distant, for fear of embarassing myself. How do I get better at flirting? in a nice way

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How to understand a libertine nerd who acts shy / busy ?

Lets just be friends.

How to flirt