Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with flatulence

How to mask smelly farts?

Anonymous — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:15:21 -0800

How to mask smelly farts? Is there something my partner can put in his underwear or near his butt to make him less smelly? Like a charcoal pad to sit on, or even better, something to insert into his underwear?

He tries to put a pillow over his butt to block the smell so he can sit next to me on the couch. It doesn't work perfectly and the pillow ends up smelling like it might actually hurt your lungs. That is the level of smell we're talking about here. He is so embarrassed if he thinks I notice anything. I can't imagine how he feels if he is at the office or on the train.

He is going to get tested for some medical conditions but it might take a while for the results. In the meantime it would be excellent if he could cuddle with me without feeling ashamed. It breaks my heart that he is so self-conscious about it. Please help.

Not pumpernickel that is for sure

Anonymous — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 13:07:17 -0800

I enjoy whole wheat and multigrain bread. What I don't enjoy is flatulence. What ingredients should I check for on the bread labels to avoid that result?

Was that you or the dog?

desjardins — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 08:53:29 -0800

Why don't cats fart? Or do they? Googling has been inconclusive.

Help me fart less.

Anonymous — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:59:01 -0800

Help me fart less. OK, so I fart a lot. A whole lot. I also poop at least five times a day. This curse started sometime in high school and has been tormenting me for around 7-8 years now. My eating habits seem to have little effect on it. I've tried eliminating various foods but the farts remain. Going from a sedentary lifestyle to excercising regularly hasn't improved things. I'm completely certain that my stress levels have nothing to do with it. The problem has lasted through periods where I don't have a care in the world. My questions are as follows:

1) Which foods should I try eliminating from my diet (or adding to it)? I've tried changing my eating habits with no success before but maybe you can give me an idea to try something I haven't thought about.
2) How can I release all the gas as soon as possible if I feel a storm brewing? I'd like to get all my farting done in the bathroom before an important meeting so I can focus on my clients instead of clenching my asshole.

Feel free to share if you have any other advice. Thanks!

Spill the beans

juva — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 01:43:38 -0800

Do you cook beans in the water they soaked in or do you use fresh water? I want to make Cuban beans from scratch (no cans). Some recipes say you should cook the beans in the water they soaked in, while others call for rinsing the soaked beans and using fresh water.

I want my beans to have plenty of not-too-runny "bean gravy". Which method is better to achieve this consistency? How does the use of one method over the other affect the final dish? I've heard that beans cooked in fresh water are easier on the digestive system but won't the gravy be too runny?

Bonus points for good Cuban bean recipes.

I love it, but it makes me smell

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 07:50:35 -0800

I was going to post this as myself, but I bottled out. I can be contacted on cabbagebreath68 @ googlemail.com. What can I do to limit the amount of gas produced by eating foods such as beans, cauliflower, radishes, etc? Backstory: I can't get hold of Beano where I am. I chew, chew, and then chew some more. I cook with a pinch of bicarbonate of soda. But I still suffer from flatulence after eating such foods. I don't suffer from it at all, normally. It's only when I eat "high gas" foods that I get it. I really enjoy them, though, so I don't want to cut back on them. I want to be able to eat them, and just not fart so much afterwards.

Actual question: What I'm looking for are things that I can do/take at home to help with the problem. Things like drinking camomile tea after meals. Eating papaya. Different cooking techniques (I mainly steam). Or massaging the digestive tract. Things like that. I'd rather steer away from OTC remedies such as antacids and such.

I'm dating the barking spider.

Anonymous — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 13:01:20 -0800

I just started dating a great guy but he farts every time I go out with him and it's freaking me out. I've been dating this new guy for a month (I'm a girl) and we're totally nuts about each other. My problem - he's farted every time I've been out with him. Restaurants, movie theatres, concerts, soccer games, everywhere. They're not little amusing farts, but loud, long, malodourous farts. He and I both pretend like nothing's happened, which is hard for me because everyone around us is acting otherwise. Now when I go out with him I'm consumed with anxiety, wondering when he's going to let one loose. My attraction to him is waning. The last few times I went out with him I was overcome with revulsion and it made me sad because I like him so much. I've been hoping his positive qualities, of which there are many, might eventually outweigh my revulsion but it isn't happening.

Am I being shallow? Is this not a big deal? Do I say something? I've had flatulent boyfriends in the past and I was fine with it but they weren't obvious about it until after we'd been dating for a while.

This is an absolutely serious question. I'm not a troll, I'm just this girl and I'm bummed out.

It really, really stinks in here.

papakwanz — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 18:30:56 -0800

Stop my dog from farting! OK, this is a bit gross...

I have a 7 yr old male pit (fixed), about 95 lbs. He's become very lazy in his old age, so he's a bit flabby. We keep him to a reasonable diet -- 2 cups of dry dog food, Nutro Senior diet, a day -- and rarely give him human food or anything else that might mess with his digestion. He lives a pretty sedentary lifestyle; he mostly enjoys laying on the bed in our bedroom. Lately, however, he's become extremely gassy. Walking into the room is like entering a stink chamber of death. As far as we can tell, he's not eating anything weird outside that might give him the killer farts. Any advice? Does he need more exercise? A change in diet -- if so, to what?

Mating call of the barking spider is getting deeper

zaebiz — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 02:37:01 -0800

Umm how do I put this? When I was younger, the trouser trumpet used to sound and feel crisp and fast but now that Im older its become more like a tuba - sort of full and airy and slow. What's happening back there? Should I be worried? (FYI it's only ever handled the usual one-way traffic.)

MedicalFilter: Long term systemic infection?

Kickstart70 — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 13:48:41 -0800

How likely was it that I had a long term systemic infection? What can I do to make sure it doesn't return? Some of this post will likely strike some people as TMI, just to warn you ahead of time.

...

Since the age of 8 or so, I've been pretty much continually constipated and extremely flatulent. It's been a very constant thing throughout my life, causing me to not feel like exercising, being careful about social engagements, high school was not much fun, etc. I'd take a poop every 4 to 7 days. Bringing this up with doctors, repeatedly, did nothing. They'd give me stool softeners, etc. on occasion but nothing lasted or worked exceptionally well. Usually they'd tell me that some people are like that. As well, in my early 20s I developed pretty bad lactose intolerance, whereas previously I'd enjoyed much dairy, if that's at all related.

Almost two months ago, I had surgery (partial thyroidectomy, left side, as talked about in other AskMe questions), and then a bad Staph infection that put me in the hospital for a while. Of course, this resulted in some strong dose antibiotics (kaflex (sp?), clindamycin), and that appears to have really altered my problems.

Dairy seems less of a problem, and I'm having daily (sometimes twice!) bowel movements. They are...hrm...easier to cleanup afterwards, as well. I'm less flatulent, generally feel better, and now am trying to diet to lose some of the weight I've carried around for so long (Weight Watchers, self-administered).

So...repeating the top questions: How likely was it that I had a long term systemic infection? What can I do to make sure it doesn't return?

And...is there a record of this occuring previously with others? I'd love to be an example of a solution for others with this problem. As far as I can tell on the internet, giving people antibiotics for such complaints falls onto the realm of accused quackery.

Farty McBumbum

ambrosia — Sun, 16 Oct 2005 13:12:29 -0800

No, really, it was the dog! Dog-lovers of Metafilter, tell me: do you know any tricks to stop your dog from farting? Our dog doesn't fart a lot, maybe once or twice a week that we notice. But when he does it, it's like a slow moving, slow-to-disperse cloud of toxic gas that is unbelievably stinky. It's most painful in the middle of the night, as he sleeps next to my side of the bed.

He doesn't get fed table scraps, only kibble with a spoonful of wet mixed in. He does get the regular assortment of dog treats: greenies, rawhide chews, dog biscuits, etc. Occasionally, when we are in serious training mode, he'll get little bits of cheese, as that concentrates his attention wonderfully. But there's no connection between the cheese and the farting, so I don't think that's it.

We've tried an acidophilus product which did help, but the good effects wore off a few days after the bottle did, and it seems kind of pricey to be giving to him on a perpetual basis, given that the problem is relatively intermittent. I'd love to hear what, if anything, has worked for others.

Audible flatulence etiquette?

Anonymous — Wed, 11 May 2005 06:16:54 -0800

What is the courtesy, etiquette, and/or best way to handle audible flatulence? Assume for the sake of this question that you're discernable as the source, either due to sonar or to simply being in a one-on-one situation.

Is it best just to pretend it didn't happen (my current tactic), or is an apology in order? (I think not, unless the smell is atrocious, simply due to the awkwardness such an apology would engender in the opposite person. How does one accept an apology for flatulence?)

Is it best not to bring it up verbally, but to widen by at least a small amount of space between yourself and the individual, so as to minimize olfactory offense? (Done when the offense is bad.)

Not the most pleasant of topics, but it occurred to me this might be a situation in which polling the masses with an anonymous Ask MeFi question might be of use to all those embarrassed to bring it up. It's not exactly a facile topic of conversation, despite the fact that most of us do it.

By the way, I should append to this question that I'm really quite serious in asking this, and not meaning it in any sort of trollish fashion. It's societally unacceptable, in most situations, to talk about flatulence, so as a result there's not much discussion as to how to minimize embarrassment surrounding it.

Stop the flatulence!

The Michael The — Mon, 07 Mar 2005 10:12:46 -0800

How can I stop being so flatulent? I've always been pretty gassy, and it's pretty annoying. I think that it has been exacerbated by a higher intake of tofu products over the last year or two; I've read that your body will acclimate itself to the bean intake, but mine doesn't seem to have. I also have a pretty high carb intake (screw Atkins). What can I do to alleviate my "problem," even somewhat, without significantly altering my diet?

Farting in Bed

vito90 — Wed, 17 Dec 2003 19:38:50 -0800

I just started dating this really awesome girl, and we spend the night together often, and I want to know how long I have to wait before I can fart in bed.