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How do I rid myself of a bitter "fuck you" attitude I'm now feeling towards ANY future employer?

Anonymous — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:41:07 -0800

I am bitter towards companies in general, and that's not a useful attitude to have as (hopefully) a round of January interviews approach. Help me. I was laid off more than a year ago. When I was laid off, I was told -- at some length -- about how the decision was not in any way, shape or form a reflection of how they felt about the job I had done for them. It was strictly based on seniority -- they were cutting many people that day, and of them, they were cutting the two most junior employees in the department in which I worked. I had been there for nearly three years, but I was still the second most junior employee in that department, and thus was shown the door. (Parenthetically, I have an educated guess that the local human resources employees who laid me off that day had next to no slack on who was selected; I am pretty sure the company's central office micromanaged precisely which cuts were made from where with no input from local HR. Some of the people let go elsewhere were bulwarks of that company who, if local HR had any input, would almost definitely have been kept.)

At the job prior to this last one from which I was laid off, I was fired. It was good that I got fired, because it shocked me into realizing a faulty tenet that I had been carrying around until then: that somehow, some inherent sense of justice in the universe meant that I was "owed" a place to go where I could give them my labors and they would give me money in return. I still don't think I did a poor job there, but there were a number of significantly distracting and very large-scale personal issues going on in my life that really prevented me from giving my all, and in retrospect, my firing was understandable, if not kind.

That changed at my next employer. I grew to actually really like that company. I devoted myself to my job, and brought all my skills and talents to it. I went above and beyond; I was constantly given sterling reviews and better-than-the-company's-average annual salary bumps. I was one of those guys that everyone feels fairly warmly towards. I was always willing to offer anyone a helping hand if I could possibly do it. I was never even asked to do it, but I gave them a lot of free overtime, cumulatively, figuring that being asked to stay late 20 minutes or so wasn't bad, especially as the company was equally flexible with the extremely occasional moments I needed a little give.

The tenet I began to form at this employer -- again, subconsciously -- was one I think a lot of people share. If you give an employer your best, and make yourself as invaluable and as good a "buy" for their salary money as possible, then you're a valuable asset and the company will accordingly continue employing you.

Now, it feels as if that can't be relied upon either, and the replacement proposition one might form from my experience is: "An employer will be happy to fire you the moment its bottom line is threatened. It has absolutely no interest in you other than as a cog in its processes; if you're a bad enough worker, you'll break the machine and then they'll fire you. But they don't care if you're a particularly good cog, either. They'll swap you out the moment they want to."

And, to some extent, I know that's true. But it's also a deeply cynical worldview that inclines one to go around each and every day with an attitude of "Fuck you, [employer]!" And not only does that incline you towards being a poor employee, that also is just a poisonous emotion to have in your psyche about the place where you'll spend eight-plus hours of each day. I really don't want that emotional baggage in my head each and every day. Some other stuff has had me a lot happier in general, so I really don't want to be renting brainspace to this emotion for an indefinite lease.

I've not been confronted with the question yet because companies have simply not been hiring for my position for most of the past year, so interviews have been near non-existent. That is already showing signs of significantly changing next month.

How do I do this? How can I go to an employer and interview with them and not feel so deeply hostile towards a company that, as of yet, will have done nothing to deserve it?

Am I being ushered out the door?

parkerama — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:40:30 -0800

Am I (nicely) being shown the door? I'm getting very mixed signals from my boss. For the last few months, I've been trying for a job grade increase--one that my boss supports and agrees that I deserve. (I work in the corporate head office as an administration manager). My position has changed significantly since I started 5 years ago, with a much bigger scope and many more responsibilities. Human Resources asked for an updated job description, then evaluated it and concluded that my job grade would not change. I was very disappointed, but I accepted their decision.

In the meantime, a co-worker who started several grades below me in a junior position, has leapfrogged over me (and over several others in the department) to a management position, in under three years--seemingly solely because she supervises several part time staff (I supervise three full time staff). The complexity, scope and level of responsibility in her position is much lower than mine (and other positions she has also eclipsed), and the staff she supervises are all the same position: entry-level data entry. She is a good worker, but not a superstar by any means. I am getting bitter about what feels unfair, and it's making me miserable and stressed out.

At my review, when I approached the subject of career development opportunities, my boss basically admitted that my position is probably a dead end. Many of the positions in the department are quite specialized (i.e. involving years of specific training)--and there is not a lot of potential for promotions into other department positions. Therefore, the only way to move up in the department is to grow the scope and responsibilities within the same position--which I have deliberately worked very hard to do.

Today, my boss suggested that, considering all of the above, I might want to pursue the option of contract work (with this department). He will be retiring in a few years and has reiterated many times that he does not want me to leave, and that he REALLY doesn't want me to leave before he retires. But, contract work? This is a Big Red Flag in my mind. Is he (or HR) nicely trying to usher me out the door?

I have many golden handcuffs holding me to the company, including a staff mortgage with 28 years left on it. My husband and I need to make at least as much money than we do now, just to maintain a modest lifestyle and not lose our modest home (we live in an expensive city). I feel trapped and angry about what feels like doors slamming in my face every time I try to open one. A grade increase/raise would go a long way to make me feel as though I am valued and respected at the company. Any suggestions about how I might be more successful with this pursuit? Or is this a lost cause?

Supportive email response to an ex-employee?

sharkfu — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:24:06 -0800

What's the best response to a "I'm no longer with the company / Here's my new contact info" email when you're an outsider not working at said company. I just got a "I'm no longer with the company / Here's my new contact info" but I'm not sure what the correct response is.

I did some freelance work for the company in the past, including working directly with the ex-employee. It was a positive working experience and he was kind to me, although I didn't have enough contact to really consider him a friend. I worked completely at home and was never in the office building except for a couple meetings.

The new contact email is a personal email account, so presumably he was let go due to budget cut backs and isn't at a new company yet.

I'm always outside the corporate structure, so I don't know quite what the normal response is. I mean, if I was a co-worker I guess I'd be able to stop by his office and commiserate and be a good friend in that way.

I guess my questions are:

1) For the ex-employee is this email purely informational so any response would be annoying, especially at a time when they're probably reeling from being let go right before Thanksgiving? Or would not replying appear like I was only a "fair weather friend" when he could help me?

2) If I send an email response, what should it be? Anything I can think of sounds depressing ("I'm sorry to hear..."), annoyingly optimistic ("I know you'll land someplace else soon"), or just self serving ("Oh, no! I was looking forward to working with you on another project...")

I know I'm over thinking this and it should be a quick one or two line email but I'm completely stuck.

Really, how screwed am I?

Anonymous — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 08:13:49 -0800

Am I being fired? I was recently converted from a full-time employee at a $5 billion multi-national company to a contractor working at the same company. Now, my contractor boss has called me in for meetings with the contracting company's HR rep for "issues". Oh yeah, I'm pregnant too. In July, my boss with the large multinational corp (who I'll call Big Company) called me into the office to say that I had two options since my position was being eliminated. I could take the severance package and be "laid off" or I could be converted to contractor and move to a lower level job I previously held at Big Company. My salary would increase a small amount to cover the additional cost for medical benefits with the Smaller Contracting Company. They repeatedly tell me it's not a demotion, but they had to make tough choices and thought that this would be a way to keep me in a job. I have had only positive reviews while being employed with Big Company.

When I looked into taking the job with the Smaller Contracting Company, several issues arose. The medical plan was not comparable which was no big surprise. I would earn less vacation, also not a surprise. However, I would have no maternity benefits. In addition, since I would not have been employed with the Smaller Contracting Company for more than a year I would not be eligible for FMLA. I brought this up as a serious issue and was given 6 weeks paid maternity. Finally, I was told that I wouldn't be eligible for COBRA because I was accepting the contractor role.

The contractor job is at Big Company, which is subcontracted by Small Company. I take the lower level contractor role at a slightly higher salary. My new boss, who is also a contractor, doesn't schedule regular one on ones with me or communicate to me in the same frequency or tone as my peers, generally avoids me, does not provide me the information I need to do my job, etc. Basically, we have some serious communication issues for which we are both responsible for.

I think the turning point of uncomfortable to serious was when I provided her feedback regarding one of my peers about 2 weeks ago. I covered for this person while they were on vacation and discovered many issues. In addition, I was asked by 3 coworkers in other departments to speak up about the issues surrounding this employee because many people feel that concerns voiced to my new boss have not been heard. When I raised the issues, my new boss got very defensive.

Monday she asked me to do something that I felt was unethical (I didn't tell her I thought it was unethical, but that's how I felt). I asked her to confirm with our finance folks on process before I proceeded.

Tuesday I worked from home and came in late Wednesday because we had gotten elevated risks on our baby for Trisomy 18. I was a total emotional wreck after receiving the news and thought it best to work from home. This situation has not helped me in "being cool". Between hormones and this news, I've pretty much cried at the drop of a hat.

Thursday she sends me a invite for me, her and her boss. I ask her boss about it and am told Small Contracting Company HR will be attending as well.

Friday we have the meeting and she pulls out a two page list of everything I'm doing wrong. I didn't keep my shit together and cry. I told her I felt cornered that the meeting came out of nowhere and that I wasn't prepared with my list of issues either. They call off the meeting because I'm a total wreck.

Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out my next steps. The fact there was a written list and the Smaller Company HR folks were there really makes me think they are trying to make a case for me to be fired.

Obviously, there's more to the story, but that's the general jist of it.

Here's the questions:
-Am I being fired?
-The nut in me thinks this may be a complex plot to eliminate me from the company in a manner that would have the lowest liability for the Big Company. Am I crazy?
-How should I meet with HR/bosses? I would like to propose we work on our communicating styles together in one meeting, so that at the next meeting we can discuss the "issues" in an understanding and supportive manner. Is this out of line? I hate the idea of preparing a tit for tat list and worry about delivering something like this.
-I have a multiple high risk pregnancy that makes it likely I may have pre-term labor. I am very worried about the stress on the baby and it contributing to this. My boss's boss has voiced a concern that may stress may be negative for my pregnancy. Should I ask to see if HR would be willing to make temporary medical accommodations for the stress induced by new boss? Ideally, I'd like to report to my boss's boss, although I am open to other positions. I think it would reduce stress dramatically.

Background:
The Smaller Contracting Company has over 50 employees, although maybe less than 150. It's hard to tell the total number because they work with a number of companies in the area.

I was employed with Big Company for 4 years. Big Company has serious financial troubles. There have been several rounds of lay-offs in the last year. In the past the lay-offs got rid of poor performers.

I will call a lawyer on Monday, but the meeting is on Monday, so insight is greatly appreciated.

This is in Texas.

How much worse can I feel?

Anonymous — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:58:33 -0800

I'm scared of the shame of being fired or laid-off, and I'd rather resign than be laid-off. Am I misreading all these signs or am I just burned out? I've been having some chest pains at work several days
this week, the result of having built up a lot of fear of being laid off or fired. I haven't done anything wrong at work, but the managing director (a lady in her mid-sixties)
of my small company had been treating me very rudely. Her office is right across from mine and, while she is a constant gossip and complainer, a few weeks ago, I heard her complaining about the amount of time I bill doing various reports (at the request of my supervisors who also have me bill it to a business development account and I routinely underbill the hours I've spent). When I first started doing these reports, she was very happy about them. Now, she's asked me multiple times if my reports are actually useful to anybody in our company. I've made it clear that I have no attachment to doing the reports and am happy to do whatever they want (I only do them when there isn't other work to be done), but that hasn't stopped the managing director from being extremely rude to me whenever we pass each other in the hall. She's barged into my office without knocking when my door was shut and just been extremely short and rude to me.

I've worked at this place for 1 year and 5 months so far, and she was always nice to me before she started believing that the reports were a waste of time. It sounds insane, but I can't think of any other issue she would have with me, as I have gone out of my way to be nice, accommodating, and totally transparent.

I've been thinking about returning to school at the local college anyway to fulfill pre-requisites for a second bachelor's degree anyway, so part of me thinks I should just quit and start the January semester at the college.
I'm so emotionally paralyzed at work these days. I had to shut the door to my office and turn on the radio softly just to drown out her voice. I've waited until I am home to cry all week.

I have a plan should I not have work anymore. But, even though severance and unemployment would be helpful in the event I get laid off or fired, I'd rather resign than have them look for a reason to fire me (I don't think there would be any, but they could do it for any reason anyway) or lay me off. I don't think my ego could handle
it, and so many job applications require you to disclose if you've ever been fired or asked to resign.

I imagine all of this sounds very stupid and I'm sorry. I'm sure there are things I'm not articulating properly in trying to describe the situation. I'm either picking up some vibe or I'm crazy and paranoid, but the vibe is so overwhelming that I can't imagine it doesn't mean something. For what it's worth, my salary is pitifully low, probably the lowest at the company.

How do I let people know I got screwed without saying I got screwed?

Anonymous — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 10:11:10 -0800

Short version: I was fired for taking parental leave. I am now looking for new work. What do I tell potential future employers about the reason I left my previous job? I work(ed) in the print industry, in Canada. When my son was born late in 2008, I took 37 weeks of parental leave. My wife was unable to take a leave herself because she is self-employed. This had all been arranged with my employer, who made no indication that there was any issue with my taking a parental leave. It should be noted that in Canada an employer cannot fire an employee for taking a parental leave, nor can they eliminate the person's position or really do anything to penalize a person for taking leave to care for their newborn children.

I returned to work in the summer and was fired within 2 months for very vague, undefined reasons. Though it has not been stated as such, it is pretty clear that the dismissal was a reprisal for having taken leave in the first place. I've consulted with a lawyer and I'm clear on my rights and what action I can take against them (and I WILL be taking action against them). My previous employer provided me with a glowing letter of reference (completely in contradiction of his actions towards me) and has stated that any telephone references would be positive.

That still leaves me with a difficult issue. How do I bring this up to potential employers? I think it would be inappropriate to just say "I was fired for taking parental leave," since that has yet to be proven and even if it was proven it might make me look like a litigious pain. So, is there a way around the truth, that still isn't a lie? Some amorphous, touchy-feely, buzzwordy thing I can say to deflect attention from this hornet's nest of stupidity?

how to use linkedin to find a new job?

wannaknow — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 13:07:53 -0800

Just got fired. How do I use my LinkedIn.com profile to find a new job without my contacts thinking I did something horrible? I just got fired from a job I had for years (wasn't fired for anything unethical). All my contacts on LinkedIn.com are in the same industry, and I'm hoping that I'd be able to find a job through these people. How do I announce that I'm no longer with my previous company and looking for work?

I've already changed my profile to show that I'm no longer with my old company, but I feel like I need to make an announcement of some kind.

If anyone has any tips on how to use LinkedIn to pursue new job prospects when you've been fired (not laid off) without making yourself look bad, I'd love to hear them. Thanks!

[BigLawFilter] Just been no-offered at Nor Cal law firm, on campus interviewing is essentially dead for 3Ls. Experiencing hysterical panic.

Anonymous — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:18:15 -0800

[BigLawFilter] Just been no-offered at Nor Cal law firm, on campus interviewing is essentially dead for 3Ls. What to do? This is going to be long I think but I am on the edge of a panic attack. Coming from a T6 law school and top tier undergrad. GPA is above median but school doesn't rank so I don't know more than that. My no offer is technically a "cold offer" - I have been encouraged by this firm to tell other firms that I actually did receive an offer but have chosen to look elsewhere. This is so that they can attempt to mask what I believe is the real reason behind my rejection, economic difficulties. My discussions with attorneys at the firm now reveal that everyone (at least claims to have) liked my work and liked me. Career Services is skeptical of this cold offer business, as am I.

But I don't want to look like a psycho drunken unable to work freak to later firms who may consider me. I know that this is happening more frequently in this economy, but I am concerned that if I tell other firms that this one no offered me for economic reasons, when they call to check, this firm will give them the same bullshit reasons that have been mentioned to me: "fit" and on two occasions I had to be reminded to enter my time. The attorneys and the recruiting people I have spoken to since have indicated to me off the record that "fit" is not at all a problem. I'm a friendly, reasonably outgoing girl, and was regularly invited to lunches and after work events, even when other summers were not invited. Of course I'm aware that it's possible that someone I didn't speak to took a disliking to me and made that feeling known. Perhaps my yearning to pin this on the economy is me trying to deny this.

I know this market is very hard to break into, and that no one is hiring 3Ls. My Career Services office is not particularly helpful or optimistic. I am going to contact all the firms that were willing to give me an offer or a callback last OCI. Does anyone have any idea how state clerkships work, or how law firms view staff clerk positions or pro se law clerks, etc.? how does the transition from small/midlaw to biglaw work? throwaway: scared3L@gmail.com

No Work, No Worth

Anonymous — Wed, 27 May 2009 10:36:40 -0800

How to redeem my professional reputation and rebuild my own self-worth after termination for unethical behavior? I’m posting this question anonymously because I am ashamed of what I’ve done. Eight months ago I was offered a job at the place where I completed an unpaid field experience. Although I never signed a contract stating my salary, I was given a verbal estimate, which we’ll call x. When I received my paycheck, however, I noticed the amount was about 2x. I rationalized the error to myself and did not say anything to anyone. The error was eventually discovered. When I was asked about it, I feigned ignorance. A week later, I was fired.

Although the reason given for my termination was not the above, I know that it was my own failure to act and subsequent dishonesty that led to my removal. Make no mistake: This WAS MY fault. The way I behaved is so unlike anything I've ever done before, and I honestly feel awful about the entire situation. I know that I have learned my lesson and will never do something like that ever again. But now I am afraid that my reputation has been tarnished so badly that no one will hire me. The circumstances of this latest dismissal have got me really questioning my value as an employee and even as a human being.

Recently I have applied for a couple low-wage jobs at places like Target to try to rebuild my work reputation and be more attractive for potential employers in my field. Although there were openings at the time of my application, I was not selected for an interview. This has left me feeling even more fearful and unsure of myself.

I have been including the job as work experience on my resume. I feel that it shows that I was valued enough to be hired on with the company, even if I only lasted three months. I also hoped to demonstrate the overall learning experience I gained from the opportunity. The job that I was hired for was not the area I trained for as an intern; in subsequent interviews I have explained that the job was a different skill set from that which I studied in my internship and academic program. (As a sidenote, I had already begun seeking other employment at least a month prior to my termination.)

My question is Five-fold:

1) Will I ever be able to get a job again? Or have I soiled my reputation and ruined my chances irreparably?

2) Is it a good idea to include this brief (3-month) interlude on my resume? If so, should I continue to explain the premature end the way I have already done, or is there a better way to explain the situation without jeopardizing my chances for future employment?

3) How can I prove myself to my former colleagues? Will I ever gain the respect of this company and possibly be eligible for hire again in a different role? How much time would have to pass before I could be considered for a position with this employer again?

4) This company is affiliated with a greater network of companies with a similar business concept. Will my termination from this company prevent me from being eligible for other companies in the same network?

5) How do I deal with my own guilt about my actions which quite rightfully had these repercussions? How do I face my friends, family, and colleagues who are confused about my sudden departure? How do I get from feeling like “I Suck” to “I am okay and could be a worthwhile member of another team again”?

**Bonus Question**
6) I have just discovered that I am pregnant. I conceived two days after my dismissal. I want to be employable, and am afraid of having a lengthy gap on my resume. Should I look for work now or wait until after my baby is born?

Is there any recourse if you are fired for conduct due to disability?

Danila — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 00:41:47 -0800

Fired for misconduct (threats of violence) related to disability. Is there any recourse? My brother was fired about an hour ago. He has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has been with the company for six years. Last week, he came into work while manic and told his supervisor that he "felt like hitting someone". He did not make a specific threat against anyone but was describing how he felt. His supervisor recommended that he go home. He then checked into a hospital and was released yesterday, doing much better. He has never had a manic incident at work before. He has been very good at his job and won numerous awards. His medications have been changed to better control the mania.

An hour ago he went to work and was fired for "threats of violence".

He has kept the company in the loop about his disorder, providing medical documentation when needed and always being honest with his supervisor because they encouraged this. That is the only reason he told them how he was feeling, and now he has been fired for it. It is a very large company and he is a full-time employee. He is also in the union.

Does he have any recourse at all? We assume he needs to speak with an employment lawyer, but is there any hope? He will be meeting with the head union rep on Monday, is there anything he can do before then? He sees his doctor tomorrow, is there anything he needs from the doctor? Please help if you can. Thank you.

Fired and time is running out.

Anonymous — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 13:23:08 -0800

I was fired from my last job, looking for a new one. How do I spin this? I was fired last year from my job. My technical skills were up to par, but my attendance wasn't. After missing one too many days of work, they fired me after 10 months of employment. I was having medical issues that my supervisor was aware of. I had recently gotten a fairly positive performance review in which there was no indication that I was working with two strikes and two outs. Getting fired from the position was a surprise to me.

I've been collecting unemployment for some months and trying to find a new job in the same field. The job market is tight, there have been layoffs in my area, and so far I'm getting no interviews. I have had a few telephone screens. Unemployment is about to run out.

I don't know how to spin my being fired from my last job. I have used a professional referencing service, and determined that the HR dept. of my last position will not disclose why I left (that I was fired) or whether I am eligible for rehire (I assume not). They suggested that I file for unemployment in my exit interview, indicating that I wasn't being fired for gross personal misconduct.

So now my resume contains an abrupt stop taking place nearly a year ago. I have been truthful in phone screens, saying that I was fired because I was having medical issues, but so far that doesn't seem to be working. I have mentioned that I volunteer and am taking distance learning courses at night during my job search so they know I haven't been sitting on my butt since I was fired.

I recently contacted a former co-worker to act as a positive reference from this position. I did work both for her and with her, and she was one of several who told me that they didn't agree with my treatment when I was fired.

My questions for you, the wise of the green, especially HR professionals, concern how I should spin my situation in future screens and, hopefully, interviews.

Do I really need to tell them that I was fired? This seems to send everyone running right the other way, regardless of the very good reason I had for my absenteeism and subsequent firing.

Can I ask my reference from the company what she will say if asked why I am no longer at the company?

Is there a better way that I can spin my long downtime between jobs than saying that I was volunteering and taking courses? Does that reflect a productive use of time, in your opinion?

Is being fired significantly affecting my chances of getting hired in this economy?

Is getting fired a huge liability in finding a new job?

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 14:21:53 -0800

"Were you ever fired" is now a common question on job applications. Of course I've been fired -- who hasn't? But the fact that they put this question in the same little box where they ask "have you ever been convicted of a felony" is vexing. It makes me think this is a weeder question and that if I answer truthfully my application will go in the trash.

What's more, today's job apps ask for a "detailed explanation" of why you were fired. On the felony question, they say answering will not necessarily disqualify you from employment, but they don't mention this for the "fired" question.

It's hard enough to find a job without being damned for getting fired, laid off, or otherwise let go. It never used to be like this. In fact, I was under the impression that if a potential employer called your previous employer, your previous employer was not allowed to say why you no longer work there or do anything other than verify you worked there.

I've been checking the "No" box. I don't think it's any of their business or relevant to the jobs I'm applying for. I was let go because the company and I were a bad fit. I worked very hard, tried to cope with the personality differences, and was let go with severance pay and without hard feelings.

However, I don't expect a potential employer to believe that. It's so cutthroat out there and companies seem to be looking for reasons NOT to hire people.

So, for anyone in HR or related fields: Is this indeed a weeder question? What happens when a person gives an explanation of why they were fired? Do employers have any way of checking up on a person to see if they're lying about getting fired?

The company that fired me was sold and my two ex-bosses no longer work there, so if a potential employer bothers calling them, they won't be able to talk to them.

However, I claimed state unemployment benefits and the reason was "involuntary termination." Are records of this confidential? If not, do employers bother to pull them, and can they see the reason you left your job?

I don't put down that I was collecting unemployment on my job apps, but is this something they routinely check now?

I'm an educated professional, but I'm applying for any job I can do. This means that in addition to hitting every ad I can find in my field, I'm filling out apps at coffee shops, bookstores, and telemarketing companies. The professional-level jobs usually just ask for resumes, but the service jobs have apps and it seems nine out of ten of these ask the question about getting fired.

Seems you just can't get a break these days!

Got fired on Friday… is this an option?

Anonymous — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 12:37:40 -0800

I got fired on Friday after 2.5 years with the company. I’d like to apply for unemployment in my state (Minnesota) but I’m worried my employer will contest it. Can I trade knowledge that I alone have for a guarantee that they won’t? Some facts: I was fired for passing along news of impending layoffs to a coworker who wouldn’t be finding out for another 4 hours. I send him a text message from my personal cell phone, which he happened to read aloud in front of his boss. I found out earlier than most people since my job role has had me reporting to HR for the last 3 months.

A few things in my defense: I only passed news along after a company VP told others in front of me – I felt like I wasn’t the first one to share information outside the room. While it was mentioned during the earlier announcement that things should be kept within the room, it was in the context of not saying anything to people who would be let go, and of passing along all press inquiries to a designated contact. While I have been reporting to HR for several months, it was in an ad-hoc fashion and specific HR rules regarding confidentiality were never laid out for me.

Here’s my question: There are lots of passwords, procedures, etc. that I alone have knowledge of. If my former employer asks me for this information, can I negotiate to share it only if they put it in writing that they will not contest my unemployment?

If I haven’t been clear enough, ask questions at MNUnemployed@gmail.com

How do I respond to the question(s) Are you currently employed? Why did you leave your last job?

ezekieldas — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 10:16:04 -0800

Are you currently employed? Why did you leave your last job? I am always working, busy with something but it may not be 9-5 with a corporate seal. When asked "are you working now?" by a potential employer do I deliver the script about consulting and assisting with projects, do I just say "yes" (and risk the violation of improper definition), or do I just say "no." If I have the ear of the nerds in my skill I can be more specific and say "...on a (part-time / consulting) project involving compilers" and turn it into a conversation.

Over time I've gathered the impression that one is at a severe disadvantage if they are looking without a current job. To avoid my resume getting filed under LEPERS - DO NOT CALL I leave the 2004-present on my resume until the year I left is over. If they ask directly I clarify. Unethical? Dangerous?

Why did you leave your last job? Because I was fired? I wanted to spend more time working on my vrschikasana? More time with family seems to work but for those of us single this is amongst our many disadvantages --it isn't entirely true or it violates the mainstream definition.

High School math teacher "let go" - what should she do?

filthy light thief — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 12:36:00 -0800

My wife was "let go" from her position as a high school math teacher in California, due to budget cutbacks. What should she do? There have been talks at her school for a while that they would have to cut a few positions, but I thought she was safe because she had full classes. Apparently not - she was told there were 3 people in her position in the math department, and each were assessed on their abilities and assets. She was chosen. She asked the principal what qualities she was lacking, and he was vague (he has a history of being big on feel-good talk and light on actual details). My wife will complete this semester, and then her 6 classes (algebra and geometry) will be spread amongst other teachers.

There is a possibility she could get another job in the same district, but she currently drives an hour each way to get to this job. She carpools the majority of the time, so she only drives once or twice a week, which made the job realistic. If she gets a job in the same district, it'll still be a pretty long drive, and now it'll probably be alone.

I wanted to question the school's choice to let her go, instead of another teacher in another subject. The school is big on sports and low on academics. The major sports teams have a handful of coaches each, all who teach a few classes on the sides to round out their hours. In my (non-local, non-sports fan) eyes, it seems like the new coach should be cut, because they'll lose only 3 classes, and have other coaches to cover his sports work.

My questions: should she find the real reason(s) she was chosen over others? And if she finds the reasons to be thin, should she request that this decision be re-evaluated? Or should she move on, and look for another school that could be closer to home?

What to say at interviews re: being fired wrongfully

Anonymous — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 06:40:30 -0800

Four days ago I filed a complaint with the department of labor against my current employer due to unpaid overtime. Today, I was fired. Should I disclose this to future potential employers? When I am attempting to get a new job, should I announce to my potential employers that the reason I was (wrongfully) terminated was that I filed a complaint against my employer with the department of labor? Does this make me look like a disloyal or untrustworthy employee? If so, what should my response be when asked why I left my last job?

Should I tell someone they will be fired?

reenum — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 06:55:03 -0800

My secretary will get fired at the end of the day. Should I tell her in advance? I was talking to my supervisor yesterday, and found out that my secretary will get fired at the end of the day.

Over the past few months, her and I have gotten friendly. We're not pals, but we can generally carry on an enjoyable conversation. I feel terrible that she is going to get blindsided by this firing at the end of the day.

Should I leave the situation alone, or should I take my secretary aside and let her know she needs to start packing? Do any of you foresee me revealing the firing as being adverse to me here at the office?

What's a good rapid reaction strategy to implement before leaving the office for the last time?

tenaciousd — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 21:05:11 -0800

"We're going to have to let you go." What do you do before leaving your boss's office? Two of my coworkers were let go last week, and the company said that there will be "significant shifting of responsibilities in the near future." I live in Illinois, where the unemployment rate in August reached 7.3%, compared to 5.4% nationally. Although I'm not in finance, the events of last week certainly made me think even more about job stability.

I don't think my job is in jeopardy, but if it were, and I went into my boss's office tomorrow and found out that I was being laid-off, what would you say? I was thinking it would be helpful to have a wallet-sized card to pull out right after they deliver the news. I would imagine that the element of surprise works in favor of the employer, and the laid-off worker looks back days or weeks later thinking, "I should have done this" or "I should've asked for that." I'm not talking about telling off your now-former employer, although that could be reasonable.

But are there certain terms and conditions you should demand before leaving? Local and state laws might influence what you say, and if you were a union member there would be another set of considerations. But I'm talking about across the board considerations. What's a good rapid reaction strategy to implement before leaving the office for the last time?

Getting fired on Monday, how should I handle it?

blackout — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 08:21:23 -0800

I've come to understand from co-workers as well as things that have gone on this past week, that I will be getting fired on Monday. How should I handle it? Much more after the jump. So here's a rundown of what's happened.
A few months ago, my boss sat me down and had a conversation with me about not answering my phone (and when I say my phone, I mean my cell phone, that I pay the bill for) when he calls. Sometimes I would go three to five days of not answering the phone when he called. Now I never did it out of spite, it just happened. Now keep in mind that I only get paid for billable time with customers (kinda like a lawyer I guess), I don't get paid when I'm home at 10pm when he calls sometimes nor do I get paid when I'm siting in the office in between customers scheduled times when he calls.
My thinking is that because I don't get paid to answer the phone there should be times when I don't have to answer it or return his call right away, especially those times when I'm not in the office, have the day off, or it's outside of normal business hours. I don't think many people would argue with me on that train of thought.
Well after he sat me down about the issue of me not answering my phone when he calls, I said I would do better at answering my phone. I left the meeting with him seeming much happier as I am his best and most valuable employee (out of three).
Fast forward a few months, and things with the business have slowed down quite a bit, to the point where the last time I worked was this past Tuesday (the 8th) for one hour. The rest of the time I've been [in essence] off, because I have no scheduled appointments with customers. Now with this time off, I've been doing a lot of things to keep myself busy (riding a motorcycle I just bought, exploring the city I moved to in Sept. that I haven't had a chance to because I've been working so much, and hanging out with a girl I meet), which most of the time keeps me from answering my phone [when anyone calls]. I just looked at my phone and he called me a total of 7 times since Tuesday, all of the missed calls [I didn't answer]. He never leaves a voice mail, never sends a text about what the calls about. I've tried to return his calls 4 times in the same time frame, every time I get his voice mail (where I leave a message "Hey *boss name*, it's *my name* just returning your call."), which is somewhat ironic I think.
Now come Friday while speaking to a coworker I'm told that the boss is pissed at me and I need to get in touch with him (this conversation was at 11:30pm which is in my opinion too late to call my boss), so the next day I call him a total of 7 times and send him 1 text message, all of which are never responded to (because at this point, he's already made up his mind to fire me). That evening (Sat. the 12th) I drive down to my office around 7pm, as that's where my motorcycle is stored, because I was gonna go for a ride. I get to the office and my key no longer works. He's changed the locks.
At this point it's clear to me that I'm fired, but the boss has never said anything to me, I've just been putting things together from what another coworker has been saying and he's not saying much, trying to stay out of the middle of it all.
The boss told this coworker to tell me that there is a "mandatory meeting 9am Monday", where I presume he will fire me.
Now to the questions is, how do I handle this? I don't really care about the job, it doesn't bother me to lose it. Honestly I think the whole situation is rather comical. I already have a new job in the works lined up more money, being my own boss, etc.
I've not been paid for the last two weeks (we get paid weekly and he's failed to pay me). I want to make sure I get my pay as well as all my belongings.
How should I react to the boss when he fires me? Should I be mad or should I just make it clear that I don't give a hoot? Should I give him a peace of my mind for having sub par equipment and putting my life at risk? Should I even let him finish if he starts to dig into me, or should I just says "Write my checks while I get my personal belongs."
I've never been fired before and honestly I can't think of a better first firing situation, I'm just looking for the best way I can handle it.

How do you know when you’ve been legitimately fired? No, I'm not as dumb as I sound here...

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:52:17 -0800

How do you know when you’ve been legitimately fired? No, I'm not as dumb as I sound here... Here’s the details. I worked for just over a year at a busy firm. (I’m keeping detailed purposely vague – you can contact me at designcareeradvicefrommefi@gmail.com if you have more questions or comments). I’m in an at-will state and there’s the usual, “we don’t have to give you a reason why we’re firing you” line in my contract.

The place has been stressful, and turnover has been a big issue – people have quit, and people have been fired. I didn’t have much contact with my boss, whom previously had said on all occasions that I was doing a great job. Deadlines increased with all the turnover, and we found ourselves on the same project – apparently a team member brought my boss onto the project when she didn’t like the suggestions I was making.

Both a coworker and I raised concerns about the speed of the project, and were subsequently fired – and I’m not sure if the firing is political or something else. I was giving one reason – “incompetence” – which is a word often used in our company. While I wasn’t happy at the place, I wanted to at least finish the project I had worked on (another one – not the one with the boss) before I had left, and instead I’m left wondering what happened. The coworker mentioned he’s going to speak with a lawyer – should I? I've never dealt with one and yes, I know IANAL etc. etc.

Does a company like this fight an unemployment insurance claim? We don’t have an HR department – just an external consultant who pops buy a few times a year when he’s in the neighborhood. The irony is that my boss didn’t fire me and neither did the HR person. The person who fired me was on the good project that I was finishing up and we had had a meeting in the morning, and he fired me in the afternoon. I feel like I’ve been professionally stabbed in the back and am worried that this firing will follow me since I'm in a small industry. They’ve already replaced me with someone who’s an alumni of the school most of the company has gone to – should I just chalk this up to not being an alumni? People have joked and said that there are 2 org charts there - the official one and the unofficial one. Should I just say, "well, the unofficial one won out"?

What to do? I am already moving on (i.e. networking and ensuring my resume is out there) but wanted to see if anyone had advice for someone in this kind of situation. I’m glad to be gone from this toxic place (I’ve left out the really mind boggling examples) but it’s hard when the rug’s been grabbed from right under you and you don't have a chance to catch your breath.

How can I stop worrying and getting myself in trouble?

albatross5000 — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:12:18 -0800

I'm trying to figure out how to be less paranoid and obsessive and how to not replay past and future negative scenarios in my head constantly – eventually getting myself in trouble. Often, I go over negative things that I've overheard or have suspicions about, and negative recent occurrences (like getting fired recently or conversations that might have left me in a bad light in someone else’s view). I feel paranoid about anything I cannot control and have ever had problems with perhaps. I was recently fired from a job for generally being too confrontational with my boss about things I saw going wrong and things I was feeling paranoid about. The thing is -- the paranoia is somewhat justified, and I have a hard time believing that it's possible not to worry about stuff all the time. And now at my new job I feel that I’m at risk of the same behavior, feeling jaded already about my new work situation and worrying constantly about everything in my life (and about not having a life, and even about worrying too much itself!) – how can I feel more relaxed and just chill out? I think it might help if I explained a bit about the things I worry about and how often it happens.

I'd say that no less than 2 dozen times a day I replay my termination at my last job. I was there for several years and things went great at first (huge raises etc), until of course things stopped going great (started having to work with difficult inexperienced people who my boss had no problem with) and started complaining to my boss about what was going wrong (which she did not want to hear). And eventually my complaints all backfired and I was fired for being a pain in the ass, and not sticking my head in the sand (playing it safe like everyone else). Fine, but to get me fired my boss embellished on the facts and made her new boss think that I was this huge virus in the group (very untrue, honestly). Her boss eventually called me in and called me a monster (in so many words) and fired me. It was very unfair and the reasons given were very blown-up. Anyway, I obsess about the fact that this happened and cannot help being hateful and replaying the scenario every single day countless times per day. It's disabling.

The 2nd thing I worry about (less often) is that my girlfriend cheats on me. It's an almost-long-distance relationship and a couple other small things assist in making me wonder that she sometimes gets some on the side. She’s not very experienced but when she finally started dating, she was very promiscuous. And now we’re together monogamously and she is very likely not cheating at all. This actually isn't much of a problem but the worries stack up. But my point is that because I think about it sometimes, I can’t help but say things sometimes… and it’s saying stupid things that might make her want to cheat in the first place!! It’s like … worrying about something too much might actually make it happen. CRAZY! I worried about getting fired and felt paranoid a lot at my old job … paranoid that my complaining would get me fired … which made me worry more, which made me paranoid and complain more, which eventually got me fired!

My third major worry is my new job. I worry about this countless times a day. My "mentor" isn't a mentor at all, but claims that he spends a good portion of his time teaching me, when in reality he actually takes credit for some of the work I do (which he has nothing to do with), and teaches me nothing (and works from home 3 days out of 5 doing very little work for the most part). This worries me because I can see this becoming a major problem for me in the future. At times taking credit for my work in a way, not helping me learn this amazingly complex process by answering my questions via email, etc... I know that at some point I'm going to say something to him that displeases him, and he'll give me a bad rap to my new boss (someone I rarely talk to because of how much higher up the chain she is – VP level at a mid-sized company). This guy bad talks almost everyone in the group to me, and I suspect that he does it to me as well. And I’m finding myself turning in with that same sentiment and complain sometimes already (to some of the team members who have similar problems with whoever). This I fear will backfire too but don’t think of that when I’m flustered to the point of complaining a little. The other part about my job that is difficult, which I worry about quite often, is the fact that I'm here to replace the only programmer on our team; the architect of the entire process. This person knows all the ins and outs of how everything works, well beyond anyone else, and answers half the problems that come into our groups door (no one else can because they only know a piece of how things work) and wrote all the code that binds all the mini-processes together -- stuff that no one else can do. He is very expensive and I'm here to replace him. The problem here is that a) my “mentor” is a hindrance while b) I’m trying to learn everything that the strongest team knows so that I can replace him. He knows that I’m here to replace him and is supposed to walk me through his work. Well, this has been difficult, but I'm great at figuring things out. It’s....possible that I can replace a good portion of what he does, but when it comes time for his last day -- chances are I won't be able to fully replace everything he does. So that's bad but not the end of the world. The end of the world part is about the mentor who is more a monkey on my back than anyone helping me through this huge challenge, teaching me the process, etc… I get flustered with this stuff and can sometimes say the wrong things (being too honest) about what I see is wrong – and it’s bound to backfire.

So, because I cannot always hold my tongue 100%, I know that I'm going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time and get totally screwed over, being in this almost impossible spot at my new job after getting fired at my old job. This worries me and I fear that the worrying itself will help fulfill my negative prophecy or whatever…

This stuff sounds somewhat petty but it occupies my mind whenever I am idle. I worry that worrying too much is going to make me do or say stupid things like it did the last time.

It's also paranoia. I worry about something someone said a few days ago "what if they meant X (something bad about me" or what if what they said means that they're unhappy with me and will give me a bad report to my boss ... etc.

I was on a huge dose of Effexor for approx 5 years, and couldn't chill out enough to be more laid back at my last job and got fired. I took myself off of the medicine after that and have been at my new job for a couple months. I think I feel a little bit better off the meds actually -- so that's good.

Should I try to get some anti anxiety meds? I haven't had a real anxiety attack for years... but I know that a little bit of Klonopin every other day might quell my constant worrying. I have some but don’t think during the day to take it. I’m not freaking out – it’s more like a constant humm of worriedness that I think is going to make me crazy or get me fired again.

Sometimes I'm able to convince that voice that worries and remembers my firing to be quiet and relax, but a few minutes later off it goes again. Sometimes I try a little deep breathing, and that can help temporarily too. And getting a life might help, but how does someone in his mid 30s, in a long distance romantic relationship (1 state away), make new friends? I do some technical volunteering which is not helping me meet peers my age…

I guess my overall question is … if deep breathing sometimes, talking myself down, and huge doses of anti-depressants don’t work, how can I stop constantly worrying and stop getting myself in trouble?!? Too much negativity and paranoia.

How to get fired?

Anonymous — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 14:46:16 -0800

Can I request to be laid off? I work for a large financial firm in New York that has been hit hard by the recent economic downturn. Like all companies in our industry, we are laying people off in an attempt to cut costs. I have been contemplating leaving my job (and the industry) to go back to school in an entirely different field. One thing that has prevented me from doing this is the loss of salary and health benefits that I'd be faced with until I start my grad program, as well as financial concerns about the future. My company is offering laid off workers in a similar position as mine 4 months severance pay plus an extension of health care for 6 months. If I quit I will receive none of this. Is there some way of signaling to my employer that I would "like" to be laid off, besides not performing well (which would probably get me selected in the next round as a "poor performer")? I'm fairly new to the corporate world so I am not sure whether this is inappropriate - it definitely seems weird to "request" being laid off. Have any mefites been faced with a similar situation? How should I go about this - or is this a stupid idea and I should either quit or do my job and shut up?

Fired, company expired, what do I say if I want to get hired?

Anonymous — Tue, 06 May 2008 09:02:45 -0800

Years ago, I was fired from a job after raising concerns I had over some questionable practices with my manager and a V.P. I did some research recently and learned the company's investors killed the company - for exactly the things I was concerned about. Do I even bother to raise this in an interview if asked about the job? (Naturally, there's more inside.) A bit over five years ago, I worked for a company that was a half-owned subsidiary of a blue chip that everyone's heard of. My job was basically my dream job, and I got it years earlier than I could expect based on experience. (This should have told me something.) My position involved administering lots and lots of documentation and background papers, and I started to notice that not everything added up. I was young and naive, had always been a superstar at work, and really believed my V.P. in particular was a nice person. I raised the questionable issues first with her, then with my manager. About a week later, I was fired.

The unemployment hearing was nasty - but in a state that has very poor rights to unemployment benefits, I won over my former employer, and unlike them I didn't even have a lawyer. The money wasn't much, but it was a moral victory. And I went to college and got my degree, which really needed to happen.

Fast forward to now. The wounds have healed, and I've been able to separate my love of that job from the misery I had at that company. I want to seek new jobs like it, and I have a shot now that I have a degree. I've also learned that the company in question was shut down by the blue-chip that half-owned it for...well, exactly the things I expressed my concerns about. You know, the ones that got me fired.

What do I say in my interview? I know they can't call and check for references...but, darn it, I'm still basically an honest person.

Pimp my job

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 08:24:18 -0800

I need career advice on how to become a graphic designer when I'm already a grown up. Bonus & intertwined question: can you help me see if I am on the path toward being screwed at my current job? Ok, so. When I was a kid I couldn't draw so they told me to go pursue something else, like writing or music or science. I listened to them and got BA (and a masters degree) in English. Now I'm in my thirties and work for a marketing/advertising/graphic design company as a print project manager. I really like aspects of my job, especially related to the more technical side of things, like how to print what, and how paper behaves, and what spot varnish will do for you, and when printing hexachrome would be killer. Also, when I was in grad school for an unrelated degree in creative writing, I got pretty involved in the book arts program--took classes in typography, set metal type and operated a letterpress, etc. I loved it. I even designed and produced some wedding invitations for strangers on the side. But I basically have no formal training in design. I thought that was fine, as I get my creative kicks elsewhere and still get to feel involved in the process at my job--designers ask my opinion about typefaces and inks and stuff. This was great until I had my performance review, where I was not given a raise despite the fact that I earned a substantial one last year and I know the company is doing very well. Basically I was told that I needed to step it up and demonstrate that I was clearly on the path to someday being a Director of Production, that I had come as far as I could at my current level (though there were no concrete responsibilities put forth that I could take on or anything). Being sensitive and paranoid I immediately thought I should be polishing my resume as my status as golden child was officially defunct. But it also made think about what I really wanted. Frankly, the idea of managing people and becoming more removed from the actual production process sorta fills me with disinterest and bile. But I have to move up somehow, because I guess it's the end of the line at my current post. So, I came to the conclusion that what I really want to do is design. I wouldn't even mind being a studio production artist for a few years while building the technical skills I'd need. I'm thinking my strategy will be to propose that I set the goal of managing the studio while taking classes in all the design software. My main questions are therefore:

1. What advice would you give to a person in my situation, who has no degree or experience, to pursue a career in design? Am I too old? Can I do this without having to go back to school, because that's financially out of the question at this point. And if you're at all familiar with the structure at the sort of place I work, how would you leverage the resources I have to further my goal?

2. Should I be worried about keeping my job? In my experience, once a person falls out of favor, they have the unfortunate likelihood of being made scapegoat and basically having a very small chance of success at their job. Am I, from your limited perspective, poised for such a downfall?

This is anonymous because I am convinced people google me way more than they probably do, and I don't want anyone I work with to accidentally find this & know of my top secret ambitions.

Throwaway for talky-talk: weededoutofartsyprofessions@gmail.com

How do I fire someone without demoralizing the rest of my team?

Anonymous — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 19:07:06 -0800

How do I fire someone without demoralizing the rest of my team? Some background: I work in a call center. I was recently promoted as a team leader, and was assigned to take over a six-month-old team whose leader laterally transferred to a different position. I am new to the account and have never had management experience before, and I feel that the team is quite resistant to my leadership. The company we work for is a large multinational corporation with many rules and guidelines. Their former team leader was very lenient about letting them run willy-nilly against them (constant undertime, overbreaks, bringing in food and electronic gadgets even though they're not allowed, leaving messy desks). I've only been with them for 3 weeks, and I'm struggling to tame the... wilderness. I try to do right by the company and my ethics, and apply things I've been trained for. I exercise my own discretion on most things, and I'm not even that strict, but whenever I try to modify aberrant behavior, they kick and scream or rebel passive-aggressively, and think I'm all about the rules, rules, rules - simply because their former leader never implemented them nor shared the rationale behind them. (My explanations fall on deaf ears since being able to get away with murder before I came along must mean the rules are flexible and I'm not.)

The meat of the matter: While monitoring the team's calls, I accidentally pulled up one which was mysteriously dropped, and for all intents and purposes, it is the greatest mortal sin one could ever commit in a call center. By all applicable guidelines in our handbook, this offense leads to termination. Pretty cut and dry, right? Wrong. In our company, we suspend the employee until further notice while upper management and human resources investigates the matter, and depending on the results, the employee will either get reinstated or dismissed.

Here's where it gets tricky: this particular employee is one of the strong social pillars of the team. They value him, he's got clout. Plus he's gradually been able to start meeting the goals, and is rarely ever late or absent. Terminating him is sure to demoralize the team, and will almost certainly paint me as The Evil Villain in their eyes. It's not going to be pretty. Chaos is certain to ensue. But I can't let it slide; the offense is a grave one. There is no middle ground. Yet it would be unethical to share with the rest of the team exactly why we're suspending, and possibly terminating said employee, firstly because while the matter is being investigated it's confidential, and secondly I wouldn't want to subject him to any further humiliation.

So my question is: how do I fire this guy without demoralizing the rest of the team?

Am I being unreasonable? Am I going about handling the team the wrong way? How do I lead them properly?

My own supervisor has been of little help, so I seek your sagely advice, dear fellow MeFites. I'm dying here. This is a delicate matter, and this will not wendell.

(E-mail is le.peter.principle@gmail.com)