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How can I make up for calling him an aspiring softcore pornographer?

My boyfriend & I are in a fight right now, and I believe we're going to break up tonight. For background: We're both recently separated. He moved 350 miles to live nearby me (I'm ostensibly the one he let get away 10 years ago) and we've been actively dating 7 months. He is a hobby photographer. Before he moved up here, and while he was still married (his ex-wife knows this...), he did a couple photo shoots in a hotel room with 2 models of the shapely, fake-breasted variety. There was no nudity, just suggestive poses and skimpy clothing/lingerie. He posted the photos to a special page dedicated to them on FB, and captioned the photos with mildly suggestive comments like "Come here" and "Time for bed" and other things to that effect. These girls are "ring girls" (for boxing matches) and so have somewhat of a following. The photos drew loads of comments from the audience of males, and they were of the semi-lewd, drooling, 13-yr old boy variety. To be honest, I feel both offended and sexually threatened by this piece of my boyfriend's history. [more inside]
posted by phreckles on Jul 7, 2014 - 43 answers

MeFiting

I'm trying to learn more about the phenomenon of meta-fighting between romantic partners. I don't know if there's a better term for it, but what I mean is when a heated dispute becomes less about the original subject matter, and more about the way in which the current dispute is being conducted. For example, you might criticize me for fighting dirty: using a sharper tone than necessary, being mean, reopening old wounds, trying to change the subject, etc. Are there any psychology or self-help books that deal a lot with the dynamics of fighting/arguing/bickering that might discuss this phenomenon in particular? (Bonus for examples of this in movies or books.)
posted by Beardman on May 23, 2014 - 22 answers

Should I cut off contact with parents who have dysfunctional marriage?

For as long as I can remember, my parents have nasty arguments with each other every few days, including shouting, harsh words, put-downs at each other. When I was a child, they involved me in their marital strife, and I feel damaged from it. I am now in my 30s. I've tried years of therapy for myself to learn how to not be bothered, but I am still very bothered. I want to reduce my contact with them to just occasional phone calls, but I am scared that we'll become estranged and they'll die, and then I'll regret it. Advice from MeFites who have reduced their contact with their parents? [more inside]
posted by cheesecake on Dec 29, 2013 - 24 answers

Handsome, but unwelcome

Help me get rid of an unwanted visitor cat and calm my freaked-out felines in the meantime. [more inside]
posted by uncleozzy on Nov 5, 2013 - 13 answers

Looking for a type of phobia that results in fight rather than flight.

If you have, say a spider phobia, are you the "Run away!!" type of phobic or the "OMG SMASH SMASH SMASH HIT IT WITH A BOOK TURN OVER THE TABLE SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE... is it dead?" type? Is there a term or specific type of phobia for the second option? [more inside]
posted by The otter lady on Aug 14, 2013 - 7 answers

Going Home to Toxic Family--How to deal? Help me help Mom!

I am currently finishing up my exchange in France where I've had awesome experiences and faced life-changing learning curves. Now I'm returning home to my extremely estranged parents who have been fighting all my life--deep, disgusting trenches of arguments that seem never-ending. [more inside]
posted by rhythm_queen on Apr 28, 2013 - 48 answers

Is my partner's shouting unusual?

I have a good husband who treats me well. But he shouts in arguments every once in a while -- once every couple of months, maybe -- and I don't have a good sense of whether I'm overreacting to this. I'm curious: Is there an appropriate way to shout in an argument or is it always inappropriate? And do you or your spouse shout? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 18, 2013 - 44 answers

My anxiety about my anxiety about your drinking

So. Either my boyfriend's drinking or my anxiety about his drinking is going to ruin our (extremely awesome, otherwise very solid) relationship. I can't tell if I'm being crazy or not. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 13, 2013 - 57 answers

What do good relationships look like when they're bad?

I am in a really amazing relationship after a long, bad one. It is mutually supportive, caring, engaging, and honest—loving, in the best, most positive way. We never fight. This confuses me, and I need some reality-checking and standards for how normal good relationships are supposed to work. [more inside]
posted by sockpuppet yo on Jan 22, 2013 - 23 answers

Can't they all just get along?!

[New Cat Filter]: Help us integrate an elderly male cat into our home. It's not going smoothly. At all. [more inside]
posted by instead of three wishes on Dec 30, 2012 - 14 answers

Books about fighting.

Looking for good, critical books and resources on martial arts and fighting. I prefer them to be academic enough to have survived peer review, but will take what I can get. Anything martial arts related would do, I'm interested in understanding martial arts and fighting in a more general sense. [more inside]
posted by Stagger Lee on Dec 8, 2012 - 10 answers

How can we prevent our cat from ambushing the other cat when he uses the litter?

How can we prevent our cat from ambushing the other cat when he uses the litter? [more inside]
posted by ridogi on Dec 5, 2012 - 28 answers

How to handle fighting co-workers

I am the owner of a very small business which I purchased (with 2 silent partners) 3 years ago. On most days there is only me and two other employees. The problem I'm having is my two employees have gotten into some type of conflict where they are now not speaking to one another. [more inside]
posted by drug_dealer73 on Nov 16, 2012 - 13 answers

How can I argue more civilly?

How can I argue more civilly? [more inside]
posted by pandorasbox on Oct 18, 2012 - 21 answers

Staging an MMA fight is illegal in NYC; so how can I see one?

It's currently illegal for promoters to put on an MMA (i.e. 'mixed martial arts,' or 'ultimate fighting') bout in NYC. I'm sure these matches go on nonetheless, even if it's just skilled fighters fighting before spectators, gratis. Anyone know where/how I can see a fight? Or what types of places host fights (I imagine boxing gyms?) in other cities?
posted by gracchus on Oct 6, 2012 - 5 answers

Should I Stay in a Relationship that I Helped Ruin?

I deeply hurt my partner emotionally. I was insecure and stupid. She was there for me when I wasn't for her. Now, I've gotten all my confidence back, and she's not present in the relationship. I truly love her and want her. Should we continue? [more inside]
posted by sunogenous on Sep 14, 2012 - 26 answers

Does history repeat itself if the players change?

Moving in with my SO - but worried that I'll end up in the unhappy situation my parents were in. What do you do when you didn't grow up with a positive example of marriage/co-habitation? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 5, 2012 - 13 answers

All this over a ham sandwich?

Please help me figure out what I should have done differently in this argument with my boyfriend. It gets long, sorry. [more inside]
posted by guessthis on Jul 18, 2012 - 74 answers

How severe a scratch is normal when two cats who live together fight?

How severe a scratch is normal when two cats who live together fight? [more inside]
posted by Jon44 on Apr 3, 2012 - 10 answers

Mother cat wants to pick fights with daughter cat! Please helping-stop the kitty-fights!

My two cats are 6 and 5 years old, mother and daughter. They don't get along, especially now that the daughter is spayed. Is there any way to get these two cats to bond? [more inside]
posted by Sticherbeast on Mar 7, 2012 - 10 answers

Am I turning into an emotional abuser?

Am I repeating my abusive relationship? I had an extremely triggering fight with my boyfriend tonight, but he was the one describing me as "violent." [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 23, 2012 - 28 answers

I'd like to spend this year working my way up to getting a refereed beat down. How do I get started?

Working my way up to getting a refereed beat down. How do I get started? [more inside]
posted by jander03 on Feb 14, 2012 - 8 answers

Dealing with differing problem-solving styles.

How do my girlfriend and I deal with differing styles of communication? I'm a wait to talk it out person, and she's a talk it out now person. [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Jan 4, 2012 - 12 answers

Help me decide if keeping this cat is worth it.

How long does one put up with an extremely frustrating cat? [more inside]
posted by trogdole on Nov 30, 2011 - 38 answers

This anger - it's soul killing and I can't take it.

How do you handle your spouse's angry outbursts when you feel they are irrational? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 22, 2011 - 132 answers

How to stop fighting with my boyfriend?

How can my boyfriend and I stop fighting so much? [more inside]
posted by JessicaJane on Aug 1, 2011 - 29 answers

How do I learn to Defend myself?

I want to learn how to fight, whats the best martial art for that given the classes offered at my school? [more inside]
posted by snow_mac on Jul 26, 2011 - 25 answers

What should I have done?

What would you do in this situation? Mind your own business, intervene, call the police, or something else? [more inside]
posted by seesom on May 19, 2011 - 34 answers

Marvel vs Capcom 3 advice

Marvel vs Capcom 3, please give me your bread and butter. [more inside]
posted by GooseOnTheLoose on May 9, 2011 - 3 answers

I'm not looking for Ali/Frasier. I'm looking for Ali vs. Frankenstein. For real.

I'm looking for the craziest fights of all time. [more inside]
posted by rileyray3000 on Jan 20, 2011 - 24 answers

I CAN TAKE ANY ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!! No, wait, I'm just building a cup pyramid.

Australians of Metafilter, I want to hear from you! I've long heard that turning your glass upside down in a bar in Australia is the same as saying you think you could take anyone in the place. For some reason, this idea fascinates me. Is it true? Do people actually do this? What happens when they do? Where did it come from? [more inside]
posted by Captain Cardanthian! on Dec 20, 2010 - 49 answers

Freefall fighting

Say you were going to create a martial art for fighting in zero gravity. What would it look like? [more inside]
posted by mumblingmynah on Dec 7, 2010 - 20 answers

Is it normal to never fight with your boyfriend (or girlfriend)?

Is it normal to never fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Should I get mad at him for certain things? [more inside]
posted by sunnychef88 on Nov 20, 2010 - 38 answers

Function show: asskicking!

What are some good examples of unusual items being used as surprisingly effective weapons? [more inside]
posted by The otter lady on Nov 14, 2010 - 45 answers

Fantasy nerd fight

Does anyone remember this incredibly nerdy magazine article about various characters from fantasy novels fighting one another? [more inside]
posted by namewithoutwords on Nov 8, 2010 - 5 answers

Why have these cats started fighting?

Why are these lovely and docile cats suddenly so hostile and agressive? [more inside]
posted by bingoes on Sep 28, 2010 - 16 answers

My best friend and wife are fighting. Should I try and mediate or stay out of it?

My best friend and wife are fighting. Should I try and mediate or stay out of it? [more inside]
posted by washateria on Nov 19, 2009 - 34 answers

Any Arabic-speaking, food-loving Puerto Rican Bando fans in DC?

Any advice for a friend moving to Washington, DC, who is an ex-Air Force Puerto Rican (kickboxing) fighter studying Arabic at Georgetown? [more inside]
posted by metajc on Aug 2, 2009 - 5 answers

What iPhone apps are best to track my fitness prgress as I get back into shape?

What iPhone apps can I use to track and manage my fitness progress? [more inside]
posted by chinese_fashion on Jul 27, 2009 - 12 answers

Cat Grudge Match

After 3 months of trying to merge our cats into one household, should we just let our cats fight it out? Nothing else seems to have worked to peaceably introduce my cat into my husband's two cat home. Or should we wait until we move into our new home? [more inside]
posted by murrey on Jul 13, 2009 - 18 answers

Can I Polish Up My Martial Arts When I Can't Afford a Dojo?

Is it possible to practice and brush up on martial arts? I can't afford a dojo and only have my wife to practice on (!!). I know...rather sad. But she is willing to learn so I teach her. Can I polish up my previous learning? I have 3 years in karate 2 years in small-circle jujitsu (wrist lock flowing techniques, and not the Brazilian stuff...which would be great, though)...and a smattering of Aikido. I am not looking to be Bruce Lee or the best cage fighter. I am wanting to perfect what I do know. Is it silly to watch youtube videos and books that I have (excellent reference by Marc Tedeschi etc) to refresh myself as well as practice teaching my wife? What are your thoughts on training in a vacuum if you will? If you have any training ideas or opinions I am open for your knowledge or criticism. I don't want to waste my time.
posted by snap_dragon on Jun 6, 2009 - 7 answers

Recommend me some kickass fight scenes please!

Recommend me some contemporary movies that have lengthy, intense, kickass fight scenes please! [more inside]
posted by ORthey on Feb 26, 2009 - 63 answers

thems fightin' words

How do you & your SO stop big arguments before they start / if they've started, how do you calm down & make them stop? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 29, 2009 - 29 answers

Martial Arts for Outsiders

I'd like to watch some classy martial arts bouts. Recommendations? [more inside]
posted by stonepharisee on Dec 19, 2008 - 18 answers

and its the little one that beats up on the big one

my poor cat filter... we have 2 cats, brothers rescued together as kittens. Fuzzy-man is insecure and jealous and really dislikes seeing his brother get attention. Also, he seems to attack his brother (handsome-man) to punish him for recieving affection! [more inside]
posted by muscat on Nov 25, 2008 - 7 answers

Treaty of testicular disarmament? When? Was it universal?

Does anyone know about a past or present culture or subculture where it is acceptable to start or end a fair fight with a cockpunch? [more inside]
posted by Free word order! on Nov 7, 2008 - 11 answers

Cat-astrophe

Cat conflict. As in fighting and spraying. Is there a way to broker a peace accord? [more inside]
posted by O9scar on Oct 3, 2008 - 3 answers

I want us to get along

I want to have a normal sibling relationship with my youngest sister. How can I begin to do this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 29, 2008 - 30 answers

Should I just pick up the phone and call?

Should I suck it up and extend an olive branch or wait for her to contact me? [Long, long post. Apologies] [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 13, 2008 - 12 answers

Giving her the finger as I give her the ring

Now that I've decided to propose to my girlfriend, I suddenly seem to be picking fights with her. What's going on? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 25, 2008 - 17 answers

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