Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with fidelity

High fidelity DVD ripping

sloe — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:28:33 -0800

High fidelity DVD ripping: collecting short videos from separate DVDs without losing any quality Hello

I have a bunch of short movies on separate DVDs that need to be strung together without losing any quality. This is for a screening so, if it is possible, preserving the image fidelity is important. Also note that these are independent artists so there are no copyright/encryption concerns here. I was thinking of a couple of different ways of tackling this and I was wondering if anyone with experience could let me know which is most likely to succeed and suggest software to accomplish this. Different solutions:

I) Rip the DVDs uncompressed to laptop hard-drive and play from there

My concern here is that the uncompressed DVD video will be gigantic and I don't know if the laptop graphics card can handle the data rate (I don't have the specs handy - it's not mine that will be used - it's about 1 year old and mid-range quality). Will the laptop play them back smoothly? What software would you recommend for lossless rips?

II) Rip the DVDs to a hard-drive, burn a new DVD containing all of them

This will work - but will there be quality loss in the uncompression/recompression? Any tricks for eliminating/reducing the quality loss?

III) Copy the video data directly

I don't know if this can be done, but it'd be great to just grab the raw DVD data, copy to the hard-drive, and burn it to a disk containing all of them - either to play consecutively or with a menu (the entire image as an iso won't be useful as it's not just a copy of a single disk I need to make). If this can be done, what software does it?

Thanks for any help in advance.

What did he do that made you cheat?

surenoproblem — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:46:30 -0800

If you've felt the temptation to cheat, or have cheated, on a guy: what sorts of things was he neglecting to do around that time? Or what things was he doing? I realise that there are a multitude of external factors, and no-one really drives their partner to infidelity, but I'd like some insight into what behaviours make a relationship more susceptible to infidelity.

A female friend is feeling an acute temptation, and the mistakes her partner is making are obvious: he's emotionally distant, he's uncontactable for days at a time. It got me curious: are there broad, general patterns? Are there mistakes that aren't as obvious?

I'm hoping for specific, empirical examples, as opposed to common-sense generalisations.

For example; I'm hoping for things like, "whenever I tried to tell him about concerns I had at work, he was uninterested and had a dissmissive attitude as if I were just sharing office gossip".

And I'm less interested in things like, "just be a good husband and have trust in your wife".

If privacy is an issue, you can send answers to what.didnt.he.do@gmail.com, and I'll post the answers here.

Thanks a lot!

401K Loan Default: When is a disbursement not a disbursement?

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 08:22:01 -0800

I discovered today that I have defaulted on a 401K loan in the amount of $3,896.31 ... help me figure out what the penalties will be & if the confused-sounding rep at Fidelity really knew what she was talking about. I discovered today that I have defaulted on a 401K loan in the amount of $3,896.31 due to a combination of Fidelity being inept (they sent the notice to an incorrectly spelled street address) and my HR dept. giving me bad info (they told me the loan would be suspended while I was out on FMLA, but it was not). Fidelity informs me that
a) my payroll deduction payments will stop and cannot be restarted - to repay now I'll need to pay by coupon/check;
b) my defaulted loan will continue to accrue interest until paid off;
c) even if I pay it off within 60 days of the date of default (June 30th), I'll still have to pay the IRS penalties & the amount will still count as part of my taxable income.

I know you are not my tax professional but I don't have a tax professional, and can't afford at this moment to hire one, so you'll have to do.

1) Is the info I got from Fidelity correct? I'm a bit puzzled that it will both be considered a disbursement and still need to be repaid with interest. That seems like double dipping to me. I have previously (many years ago) had a 401k loan turn into a disbursement (due to end of employment) and it was just a disbursement - there was never a demand I also repay.

2) Can you help me calculate what my penalty payment will be (not counting the additional tax I'd need to pay with amount as part of my taxable income)? Will it be a flat 30%, or is it more complex than that.

3) I am expecting a large insurance settlement within the next few months. This money will not be taxable. If I put some of this not-taxable money into, say, an IRA, what (if anything) will this do to offset the tax hit I'll take for this disbursement.

Again, I know you are not my tax professional. Our finances are very tight (what with FMLA and medical bills and so forth) until the claim settles, but if I can avoid penalties by repaying within 60 days, that will be another stick to use to encourage my attorney to get things wrapped up.

Other things you may need to know: I'm in the USA. I was on unpaid medical leave for 12 weeks but have now returned to work. My employment status has not changed.

Thank you for your help.

No sex no fun

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 15:27:15 -0800

What is one to do when the sex has gone out of the marriage? My wife and I are early 30s, married about 5 years together for 7, and it seems that the sex is over. I have tried the usual things, romantic dates, nights out, trips intended to be romantic "away from our daily job grind" types of things, but it's just not there. I compliment her on her looks, her clothes, etc. to make sure she knows I find her sexy, but all it garners is "thank you".

We are fairly healthy communicators I feel and I've brought this up to her a number of times, and it's always the same reply "I'm busy, I'm tired, I don't mean to neglect you" but whenever I initiate sex I am turned down for reasons of "tired" or "sore" or "sick" or "headache" etc. And she never initiates it.

This is a far cry from the sexy, sex-minded woman I dated who used to initiate constantly...I almost feel like I was lured into the marriage by false advertising, that she pretended to be more into sex until marriage, where it has now waned to the point I cannot remember the last time we did have sex.

Other than the sex our relationship is great. She's my closest friend and confidant. But without the sex, I'm starting to not feel valued, etc. It doesn't help that I have some issues in my past which have led to me having a higher than normal libido, and I find my self-worth through sex. So without the sex I'm feeling unloved.

(I do think perhaps the loss of libido may be due to some weight we have both picked up recently, both due to attractiveness issues and due to the fact that overweight people lose energy and libido, however she also seems fairly unwilling to eat more healthy which is something I have tried to pursue as well).

And in case anyone brings it up, I'm positive she's not having an affair. It's not that she's getting it somewhere else, it's that she just seems to no longer need it.

So I guess my question is: is this a divorce-worthy issue if everything else is going good? Is therapy required? Are there alternatives (Besides the obvious solo masturbation that I am doing daily) that can simply make ME not want sex?

She's fairly conservative so I don't feel suggesting an "open marriage" would be something she would be receptive to.

Should I try to date him or is it already too messy?

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 20:47:51 -0800

Should I try to date him or is it already too messy? I've recently learned that a casual friend (Person A) is attracted to me. While I don't feel the same way (I feel neutral about it), I'm not averse to a couple dates to see if my interest is piqued.

However . . . I have a bit of a history with one of his friends (Person B). This is not something anyone knows. This friend is in a relationship and even if he wasn't, I'd be unlikely to pursue something. But I am maddeningly attracted to him and have enabled him in a few instances of infidelity. I'm not trying to explain or condone my decisions, it is what it is.

Person A, from what I know of him, is funny and intelligent and sometimes kind of an ass. Whether he is the kind of an ass I can accept in a relationship (dating or more significant) has yet to be decided. I guess the only way to find out is to date him. I'm not terrifically carnally attracted to him (unlike my feelings for Person B who I'd spend a week in bed with), but that often changes when I get to know someone.

But I'm hesitant. I'm a bit blase about fidelity (I try to remain faithful, but don't beat myself up if I slip as I have a couple times) and to be honest, I'm not sure that I wouldn't slip with Person B. If I started dating Person A, I don't know that Person B would see that as a boundary, frankly. The possibility of our hooking-up would likely be the same as with me being single. Or maybe not because there's a friend involved (bros before hos?)

I guess I'm worried about my track record and Person B's track record and how it could affect Person A if (hypothetically) the dates lead to something significant. Like I said, I'm neutral about Person A, but I'd like to give him a chance since I like him as a person and he's put himself out there, which I think is commendable and scary.

But is there already too much to navigate? I mean, I'm never certain that I have the capacity to be faithful, but I usually don't let that stop me from dating. I go with it, try to be good, deal with consequences if I have to (it's happened far less than I make it sound, but it has happened). But A and B are friends.

My indiscretions with B have been infrequent, but there was a recent makeout, the day before A asked me out. If it hadn't been for that, I would have accepted a date, no questions asked.

Does the potential bad outweigh the potential good of dating person A? Or should I just go for it?

(We're all in our late 20s/early 30s. I'd rather not have lectures about the wrongness of hooking up with someone in a relationship. There's a throwaway notmadamebovary@gmail.com for those who want it).

Thoughtcrime in Marriage: Help Needed

Anonymous — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 09:30:45 -0800

Over the past week I have had the worst nights with my wife I can remember in a long time. I can't remember a time in the past ten years I have felt so angry and misunderstood. I am hoping someone can give me some pointers. Long story inside and probably NSFW. My wife of a little less than a year is bisexual. I have known that for our entire relationship. It doesn't bother my security in our relationship. She explored it two times that I can recall while dating me. Once with a college friend that resulted in oral sex and once she "hooked up" on a single occasion with a girl while out one evening three or four years ago.

She has never been with another man in the eight plus years we have been dating although she did kiss a man in a bar in Los Angeles and made out with another man and woman at a Hollywood party during the same trip. As far as I know that was it.
She also has a curiosity about fetishism, BDSM and associated kinks.
I have been very upfront with her about the role of sex and fidelity in our relationship. I told her I would never limit her experiences as long as they didn't interfere with our emotional life and that she should have experiences because I don't really believe in monogamy although I am monogamous to her. I guess you could call it a door-half-open-open-relationship.

For the record, I have never cheated on her. I have had no sexual or emotional contact with another woman in the entire time I have known her.

Recently, she met a woman as a pansexual event in March. They hit it off and I had a chance to meet her because my wife called me to meet her at the event. They hung out a few weeks after the event. That resulted in my wife “staying over” at this woman’s apartment. Nothing sexual happened.

A week ago I went with my wife, her new friend and the new friend’s ex-boyfriend to a local fundraiser. I had my first real discussions with the woman and did like her. She seems to be at a similar level of experience to my wife and they seem to be natural friends. We ended our time at the fundraiser with my wife and this woman kissing near the exits. The decision was made to all go back to our house.

We arrived back at my house and all ended up in the bedroom thanks to some adult beverages and did some fully clothed adult things where I had peripheral fully clothed contact with this other woman in a sort of bondage scene. My wife had a similar scene with the ex-boyfriend. There was zero under clothes contact except between my wife and the other woman. Things got a little hot and heavy, me and the ex-boyfriend left and my wife and this woman had sex. After, the woman left with her ex and headed home.

My wife and I talked about the event and seemed cool with it. It wasn’t until the next day things started to fall apart. In the course of conversation I gleaned that the possibility of me being in involved in a scenario with my wife and this other woman may occur. I asked her to confirm that, she said yes. I then asked what my roll would be. I was told what conditions I would have to work under and my wife stated emphatically no sex with the other woman. She asked me if I was fine with that. I turned the question back at her a bit and asked her if she was really ok with that or if I should know anything else.

There went the hydrogen bomb.

She lost it and inferred that I want to have sex with this other woman. I made the mistake of telling her I would if that is what she wanted me to do but that I was also fine with the conditions she placed on any contact with her and another woman.

She got a look like I punched her because apparently, even with the sexual freedom I give her, the idea of me even considering sex with another woman, even in fantasies where my wife is involved is cheating. Apparently I have broken some irreversible emotional trust in merely stating I am human and sometimes think about other people and would like to know the rules if I get involved in a scenario with her and her new girlfriend. I keep going back to repeating the same mantra over and over to try and calm her.

1. I would never betray our trust.
2. I would follow any conditions she gives me in regards to a group situation.
3. It would change nothing in my mind about our relationship.

I am sorry to ramble for so long to get to the point but, what do I do now? I have given her all the freedom in the world without condition but I feel like even my thoughts are damning me. Is this just an over-developed sense of insecurity on her part? Is it a selfishness that is deeper or is it something that should serve as a warning to the possible longevity of our marriage considering she stated she should leave me for this? Did I do something wrong?

I am at a loss.

How to stay true?

Anonymous — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 12:38:19 -0800

From "just friends" to "more than friends"; and tips for staying true in a monogamous relationship? I recently (as of a month ago) started dating my best friend. He had been very much in love with me for a long time, and I was always adamant that I would *never* see him that way.

Somehow, praise Jebus, something clicked and changed inside my head and I saw that I absolutely could see him that way. I have very narrow criteria for a life partner (things like must be vegan, choice of religion, etc. ) and he has always fit all of these things perfectly. Add to that he's been my best friend for years and we spend so much time together having fun, and he's adorable, and I don't know what took me so long.

Its weird adjusting to boyfriend/girlfriend after so long of "just friends", but its going well overall. Even though he's objectively very handsome, my feelings of physical attraction to him are slowly but steadily building, which is fine by me, and he's being very patient. It's certainly a change from the instant chemistry of other relationships I've had, but it feels permanent.

If I mess this up, I cannot fathom how I could ever again find a guy so perfectly matched to me and also as in love with me and devoted to me as he is.

Still there is a small part of me that at times feels very restless and trapped. Its a very small part of my lizard brain that I'm determined to ignore, and the impulses I would act on if i gave in, I know would lead down a miserable road.

In fact, the only time I ever remember being utterly free of these impulses, I was in a really bad relationship with a man who was a a total asshole who made a point of letting me know how I would never measure up to his ex girlfriend and he was not in love with me. I was so insanely infatuated with him and so caught up in the thrill of the chase/drama, that I didn't have a spare moment to let my mind wander to other guys.

So the question is, now that I'm in a relationship that's perfectly healthy and wonderful and what I want to be in for the rest of my life, how can I reduce my random pangs for what I know I really don't want?

I'm looking for mental exercises, behavior modifying techniques, or just personal anecdotes from people in monogamous relationships on how you make yourself more fully committed.

Three disclaimers:
1)I'm can't afford therapy, and there really isn't much in the way of free services I have access to.
2)I think polyamory is way rad for some people, more power to them, but it's not for me.
3)I've never cheated on anyone in the past, nor do I ever plan to. I just want help on avoiding impulses to stray or at least lessening them.

How do I check the 'health' of my brokerage?

random1destiny — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:58:36 -0800

How can I find out the health of my investment brokerage (like Fidelity.com, E-Trade, etc)? Can brokerages even crash and lose my money like in a bank failure? Much public focus has been placed on having a bank fail and people not getting their money. I know that in the case of banks, the money is covered up to 100,000 of FDIC coverage and there are sites to look up the health of your bank like http://www.bauerfinancial.com which give banks star ratings based on their current financial stability.

However, what if you have your money in stocks/mutual funds in a place like Fidelity.com or E-Trade? Can these places fail and not be able to pay you back? Are there places that rate how safe/healthy these institutions are?

Please help me decide between Fidelity and Vanguard.

salvia — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 16:37:09 -0800

Questions about opening a Roth IRA -- particularly, does it matter where I open it? If so, Fidelity vs. Vanguard? I want to open my first Roth IRA. I've read past questions and some online resources, but I still have some questions.

- First, does it even matter where I open it? If I figure out I screwed up, how hard is it to switch from one of these to the other?

- I will (very soon) have a 403b with Vanguard through my employer. Does that tilt things in favor of Vanguard for an IRA? Would I be able to "pool" these funds? It sounds nice to make one phone call rather than two. But is there some reason that tilts things in favor of Fidelity? Would it be better to have them both as options? Then I could hold, say, some of both group's target retirement funds.

- To make a good decision, do I need to figure out where I would invest the money first? They have different expense ratios even for their S&P 500 index funds (VFINX is .15% vs. FSMKX is .10%). I realize this isn't much of a difference, but if they differ on the simplest index fund, they're going to differ by more in other things, right? (I'd be deciding between S&P 500 index funds, some index fund with non-US companies, or a target-date retirement fund.)

- If you do think I should decide where to put the money first by actually looking at fees, how do I find that out? There are these scare stories (eg) about hidden fees. Are they still hidden if I look at Morningstar's front load %, back load %, and expense ratio? Or is there a better place to find all this out?

- All over the web people are saying that Fidelity's customer service is better and more informed. This has me leaning toward Fidelity. Do you think this still holds true?

- Lastly, what does this comment from jak68 mean, "Also -- in case you didnt know -- there is a small difference between buying funds via a trading account at a brokerage house (as with fidelity, schwab, ameritrade etc), VS. buying the fund directly from the fund family's website (vanguard, etc)?" Should this influence me in some way?

Thanks for your help. I'm interested in learning more over the long term, but I also have the feeling that I'm making this too complicated and should find a way to make this simple.

Internet jam session?

Infernarl — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 03:17:01 -0800

Low latency, medium fidelity, jam sessions on the internet. NINJAM is too buggy :( I want to "jam" live with people on the other side of the world over the internet. What is the simplest, best, solution for sending audio of an acceptable fidelity for recording across the internet? I want a piece of software that does one thing and one thing well. PC, Mac, and Linux compatibility would be a big plus but I am mostly concerned about OS X. NINJAM is great for fidelity and K.i.S.S. but I've had many sessions ruined by its buggyness, or being kicked from the server and it hasn't been update since 2005. what is the state of the art?

Lust in my heart

bluejayk — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 11:33:00 -0800

Is thinking/fantasizing/looking at someone who is not your partner cheating? What if your partner thinks it is but you do not? What do you expect from your partner in addition to simple fidelity? So, my girlfriend asked me some questions I wish she hadn't asked. And I answered them, and now she's mad. The short of it: she feels like looking at porn, fantasizing about other women, or even entertaining sexual thoughts about women I see or meet is the same as cheating.

I don't think asking me to give up porn is unreasonable. I'm not sure what that means about sexual movies/TV shows, but I can understand why she would feel that is a threat to intimacy, and it's not a big part of my life.

What she got really mad about was my admission that I occasionally have sexual thoughts about other women. I don't really know what to say about this. I understand why it would make her feel bad/threatened. She says she doesn't think about anyone else but me, and asked me how I would feel if she thought about other guys. I wouldn't like it, but I would never ask her that question.

I doubt that attraction can be perfect or complete. I am extremely attracted to her and have never given her reason to doubt that. She is an insecure person, though.

"When you see a hot girl walk by, you shouldn't be thinking about what you'd like to do to her." I don't think about cheating on her, I'm not at all worried about my fidelity. But I do notice other women. I justify this kind of thing by saying its my biological drive to seek out other women. Out of devotion to her, I'm happy not to pursue those desires, but I'm not sure if I could eradicate those desires, even if I wanted to.

I really don't know if I could ever be a guy who sees beautiful women without thinking 'Damn, she is hot.'. It's not really a voluntary reaction, and I don't want to repress my thoughts.

So I'm not sure what to say or do. My girlfriend claims she doesn't care if this is how all guys are (I think at least most of them are, but maybe I am wrong). She is religious, but has mostly modern, liberated ideas about sex. She is not suspicious, or clingy. I feel really bad to make her feel bad, but I don't know if I can change. Or maybe I just don't want to change. I want to give her what she wants and deserves.

How common is this way of thinking? Do other women demand this? Do many guys oblige? If the genders were switched, would it be any different?

When should I open my Roth IRA?

electric_counterpoint — Fri, 12 May 2006 10:18:27 -0800

Should I open my Roth IRA now and buy what I can afford, or wait until I can afford the minimum investment in the fund I really like? I know it's important to plan for retirement. I've got an existing stock fund that I've been kicking around since high school with a little more than a thousand dollars in it. I'd like to cash this in and open a Roth IRA.

The fund I really like, though, Fidelity's Freedom 2040, has a steep price. I'm a college student, so a $2500 minimum investment is at least a temporary setback. Should I open my IRA now and put what money I have from the sale of (most of) my current portfolio in it, invested in a money market or something? Or should I hold off on selling everything until I have what I need to invest in the fund?

Bonus points awarded if you can answer these questions:

1) Is there a particular time of the year when it's most beneficial to sell stocks, or when it's best to open an IRA?

2) Can you point me to a good source of advice on when to sell stocks advantageously? I know the longer I've owned them up to, what, 5 years, the lower my gains tax, but what else should I be aware of?

3) Should I, as maybe a third option, try to convert my taxable investment account into an IRA before selling? Is that even possible?

4) Am I right to like the Fidelity Freedom 2040 fund? I'll be 55 at its nominal, glorious culmination, FWIW.

TIAA-CREF vs Fidelity investments?

nserrano — Thu, 13 Oct 2005 12:51:09 -0800

Currently I have at my work the option to choose between funds, TIAA-CREF and Fidelity investments. Since it is a non-profit organization they put in 6.5% of my salary plus anything else I want to contribute (it's a 403b). I have tried to do some research to see which company is better in the long run but can't find any information on TIAA-CREF besides that it used to be exclusively for teachers and federal employees. Does anyone know which investor I should get? I am looking for the greatest gain in the long run.

Fidelity vs Vanguard

rookiewookie — Wed, 20 Apr 2005 14:12:36 -0800

I need to roll over some 401K savings into an IRA account - any major differences and recommendations between Fidelity vs Vanguard?

A Good sounding phone for VOIP?

ParisParamus — Tue, 15 Mar 2005 19:36:54 -0800

VOIP Saga, Episode IV. I've got a VoicePulse VOIP account. It's stable and doesn't sound bad; better than the cheaper BroadVoice(BroadVox?) account I canceled; and better than a cell phone. But is it possible that certain telephone brands/models will actually make it sound better; closer to classic telephony?

iTunes problem

skwm — Tue, 14 Dec 2004 16:37:14 -0800

iTunes problem: I get a lot of intermittent static-y, crackling sounds when I play certain tracks in iTunes. The same track, played at the same volume in Winamp does not give me such problems. This seems to happen with about 1 in 10 files. What causes this and what can I do to fix it?

Is cheating in a relationship acceptable or unacceptable?

KathyK — Fri, 25 Jun 2004 07:51:02 -0800

Is cheating in a relationship acceptable or unacceptable? How did you come to feel that way?