Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with fiancee

Things to do for my fiancee during spring break?

Inkoate — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 08:19:24 -0800

I have a week off school for spring break, help me do fun, silly and romantic things for my fiancee. I have a week off of my second year of law school coming up for spring break, and I want to take amazing care of my fiancee while I have comparatively less to do so she'll still think wonderfully of me when finals come around and I don't see her for a week straight. Can you help me with ideas?

Ladies, what wonderful things have your SOs done while you were away at work that really blew you away?

We've gone away a couple weekends recently, so things that are easy on the wallet are preferred, but not mandatory. We're in Washington, DC.

(Also, I've seen a couple of older threads in this general vein, but I thought I'd ask more precisely with my requirements, but links to places with good ideas are obviously welcome too).

How do I save my relationship?

mdavis1982 — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:19:57 -0800

Relationship-filter: How can I save the relationship that has slowly headed south until yesterday it reached breaking point? More details inside. So, my fiancée and I have been together for over 3 years. We met when she was 14 and I was 19, but we didn't start going out until she was 18.

The relationship started well, but we quickly became one of those couples who always argued, although we always made it up and sorted it out.

I have serious anxiety issues when she wants to go out without me, and thus far, she has pretty much not gone out at night with her friends, although she has made do with seeing them in the day. For some reason, my anxiety doesn't affect me in the day, it's just when she goes out at night.

We have recently started working on a cruise ship so we are living in each other's pockets 24 hours a day, with basically no time to ourselves, except when she goes to the gym, or I go for a walk around the ship.

We have been having many arguments, mainly about stupid little things, but the other day we had a massive row which culminated in her telling me that she feels trapped, that something has snapped inside her, she doesn't know if she wants me any more, that she doesn't know how she feels about me, and that she needs lots of space to see if she wants to try to resolve our issues.

We talked endlessly about this, and initially she said that she was willing to give it another go. Being the stupid dumb-ass that I am, I couldn't just shut up then, so I carried on talking to her about it, asking her to reassure me everything would be okay, and she eventually said that she could not do that. She hasn't been sleeping for the last few nights, is off her food, complains of a headache, and says that she feels completely run down, restless, and rebellious over all this.

She went to the crew bar yesterday on her own for a few hours and came back in a much better mood, gave me a cuddle, said sorry, etc, but today it has been a completely different story. We've not really argued as such today, but stupid old me did bring up the issue again, which culminated in an argument, and then we had to go to work.

When we came back from work I basically stood next to her and said, "Look, I respect that you need your space and I want you to know that that's fine. I'm not going to touch you, cuddle you, kiss you or anything, because I don't know if that's what you want. If you want those things to happen, then you will have to make them happen because I don't know if it's the right thing"

She responded with "You don't have to not touch me or cuddle me. But thanks, I really appreciate you saying that".

Then we went to work again.

We just came back from work, and she said she was going for a drink. Instead of being my usual self, and flipping out about it and trying to not make her go, I just said "Ok... See you later", to which she went, and told me that she loved me.

I've just come to the internet room on-board to post this question, which I guess is this: How do I save my relationship? What do I do to show her that I've realised that what I am doing is wrong, that I will do anything I can to save our relationship, that I want to get over my anxieties and fears, and make her feel like herself again?

Or is this just plain stupid, and it's inevitable that we're going to split up, which would mean that we were still living on a ship in one cabin together, with a double bed for the next 3 months?

Please help me hive mind! I need my baby back!

Now I Know How Simone Warne Must Have Felt.

Anonymous — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 21:30:39 -0800

Is my fiancée cheating on me, or is this simply a case of a wrong number at the wrong time? My fiancée and I have been together now for almost three years and by and large we've had a happy, healthy relationship. Sure we've had our problems. I'm more interested in sex than she is and we don't go out as often anymore as we once used to (leading to her telling me on a few occasions that she feels a little bored) but as I said, by and large we've been very, very happy together, and are looking forward to getting married in a year or two and starting the rest of our lives together.

Last Monday, my girl told me she had been asked to go out on a girl's night out with a female friend from work and some of her friends. I will admit, I wasn't thrilled with the idea. I know what guys are like and while I trust her, I don't trust a city-full of drunken guys seeing my sexy lady and trying to hit on her. But I'm sane enough to know I don't control her, and even more sane enough to know that I couldn't very well ban her from going or anything, so all I could do was suck it up and try and make the best of a night at home by myself. Plus, bottom line, I do trust her and had always told her I would always trust her until she gave me a reason not to.

She had told me she was only planning on staying out till midnight but at 5am this morning she crawled into bed, drunk. She told me that only one guy had tried to hit on her, but she had rebuked him and that all she could think of all night was me. She would have had sex with me there and then, she also said, except she was too tired. Given it was 5am and I had hardly slept most of that night out of worrying, I was too tired for it myself so we slept until 11am and then went about our usual Sunday.

And then at 1.30, as we watched a DVD, she got an MMS. She went and grabbed her phone and sat down next to me and we looked at it together. It was an unknown number. She opened the MMS and it was a picture of a toned naked guy, full frontal, with his dick in his hand. And the message along with it read "Northern suburbs. Send me a pic of you and we'll talk."

Naturally my mind started racing. She swears that she didn't do anything wrong but she also admits that this looks very, very suspicious. Although I'm inclined to believe her (she has never given me a reason not to trust her), I think she may have, in her drunken state, accidentally given a guy her number last night which led to this MMS. She started to cry and claims that not even that happened, and again I am inclined to believe that, but I'm not sure.

At any rate, she deleted the MMS straight away, so unless he writes back, we can't really test any of these theories by writing back to him. For her part, she has said that if he does write back, she will write back to him, in front of me, that he has the wrong number.

The only other theory I can come up with is that maybe some dude was chatting online to some chick, and she gave him her number while asking "where do you live?" In response, he sent her this picture of himself with the attached message. This theory does make some sense as 'Northern Suburbs' is usually a reference to the northern suburbs of Sydney. In Brisbane, where we live, we don't call our northern suburbs the Northern Suburbs. We call it the northside. So basically, if she had been cheating on me, and this dude was from Brisbane, he would have more likely written Northside. Send me a pic of you and we'll talk." It's not much of a theory, I'll grant you, but it's a theory nevertheless.

I should also mention that in the limited time I've had to think about this, I have realised that if she hadn't gone out last night and we had still gotten this message, I would never have even suspected for a second that she was cheating on me or otherwise. But in the light of the fact that she did go out for a drunken night on the town with hordes of lecherous guys on the prowl all around her, my mind can't help but put A and B together...

So Metafilter, what's your take on this? Is my fiancée cheating on me? Or do you think she accidentally and innocently gave out her number and doesn't remember it? Is this simply a case of a wrong number at the wrong time? Or is it something else I may not even have considered.

Over to you...

How much red tape should we expect?

nathan_teske — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 07:29:12 -0800

In about 10 days, my fiancée will be entering the US on a K1 visa. Some questions inside.

I've only ever entered the US as a US citizen traveling alone. What are we going to have to fill out for customs and entry requirements? POE is Chicago O'Hare.

My fiancée will be unable to legally work for at least 6-8 weeks and, as such, I will be her sole means of support during this time. Does she meet the threshold for a dependent or do we have to wait until we're actually married before I can claim her for tax purposes?

Partner vs family. Let the battle commence.

aprivateperson — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 08:36:11 -0800

In a nutshell, my fiancee hates my family. Through a series of snubs and impoliteness (by her definition, not mine), my fiancee has come to hate my family. In particular, my sisters. I'm not that close to them, but I don't want them out of my life either by a long stretch. And she doesn't care for most of my friends either, the online ones in particular.

The latest spat has come about because my sister mentioned that there was a job in a different part of the country, which my fiancee took to meaning that she was trying to interfere in the relationship, and take me away from the area that she loves and the house we live in.

The one before that, she refused to spend Christmas with them even though it was "our" turn to spend Christmas with them (she having insisted that we spend Christmas with her family last year). So I spent Christmas with my family, she spent Christmas with hers in tears and it's been various forms of drama ever since.

While I can see her point of view and can understand why she might feel snubbed etc., I feel that the "punishment" she has dished out - she doesn't ever want to see them, invite them to any wedding etc. - is OTT.

The trouble is, I love her. She loves me. I've never felt more at home and comfortable with anyone else when things are going well. And then my sister or a disliked friend will call or email, and then the fireworks fly.

So how do you decide which is more important? I think the two are equally important, but maybe I'm wrong here.

(btw, do you let your partner read your email?)

For fact fans: both in our early/mid-30s, engaged, met two years ago, engaged 14 months ago, I moved in with her (cross-country)7 months ago, not set a date.

To propose or not to propose... that is (sort of) the question.

Teevee's Bella — Sat, 19 Aug 2006 21:45:35 -0800

My grandmother's ring, a long-distance relationship that's about to become a co-habitation, and a boyfriend who just graduated college and doesn't have any money yet.... Help! Hi, everyone. :)

My boyfriend and I have been involved in a long-distance relationship for nearly four years, with me in Boston and him in Seattle. What began as a working relationship (I needed an artist for a project, and he is one), turned into a close friendship and, ultimately, an incredible romantic relationship. (I should mention that he pursued me for a long time before I "gave in" and agreed to try things romantically. There were personal reasons for my hesitation [read: baggage], but I worked through them because I already adored him as a friend and knew that if I let something develop, it could end up being great -- and it is.)

Anyway, most of the time that we've been together, he's been a broke student, and I've been working temp jobs so that I could take off whenever I needed to see him (whether it was me going out West or him coming here) -- and also because I'm planning to go back to school next year to change careers and wanted to test the waters of various work environments.

During that time, we've gone back and forth in the debate about who would be the one to eventually make the cross-country move -- him to Boston, or me to Seattle. We've known for a long time that marriage is in our future, but with him being in school and the whole relocation issue being up in the air, there was never a formal proposal. I always say that we're "unofficially engaged," because we're absolutely planning marriage, but the traditional question hasn't been popped and no ring has been proffered. However, and in spite of the distance, we've each become totally integrated in the other's life (for example, he's gotten very close with my family, as I have with his).

Well, he recently finished school and is looking to begin his career. Because of this, we recently made plans to begin the process of starting a life together. I've decided it would be best if I moved out to the Seattle area to be with him, and the plan is for me to head out in February to find work and so that we can look for a place. In the meantime, I'm also planning to fly out for a week in October to celebrate his birthday with him.

Now, here's why I'm writing: My boyfriend knows that I very much want to be engaged before uprooting my life and moving 3,000 miles. The problem is, he's not making a lot of money yet, and everything we each make in the next six to eight months has to go toward moving and a "nest egg." I don't want him to spend a lot of money on a ring, and would be happy with an inexpensive one -- but he says he would rather buy something more substantial. The problem is that he can't afford "substantial" right now, and I'm not moving cross-country without the extra security of an official engagement. (Four years is long enough; the distance is killing us both.)

Well, my grandparents arrived from New York today for a visit, and my grandmother began handing me jewelry that she wanted me to have. The last item was her own engagement ring: a gorgeous solitaire, set in platinum, with two smaller diamonds on either side! She explained that she would rather see me enjoy the ring, than have it passed to me after her death. (For the record, she and my grandpa have been married 58 years, and she now wears a fake engagement ring because she wanted to keep the real one safe for me.)

Of course I was completely touched and cried. She said that I could do one of several things with the ring: Let it represent my engagement to my boyfriend, but allow him to reset the diamonds or add to the existing setting so that he will feel as though he's contributed; or wear it until he can afford to replace it with one of his own. (She also said I could turn it down, but I'm not insane!)

So, my question is: How do I broach this subject with my boyfriend? I'm planning to bring it up in person when I see him in October. The thing is, I don't want to offend him, but using this ring would save us a lot of money, we could get engaged before I move, and it's special because it's the ring my grandpa gave my grandma back in the 40s.

So, I figure that, in October, I'll get him a birthday/engagement gift, like an I.D. bracelet or something, and then book a night in a hotel, bring some candles, etc. Then I'll show him the ring and tell him the story behind it and move from there to... well, something.

I don't want to actually be the one to officially propose -- but it seems like a trend in my family that all the women and their respective spouses just sort of decide to get engaged. My mom and my father, my grandma and grandpa... in either case, there was no actual proposal because both couples had been together so long that it was just the natural and obvious next step. Same here: we've been together a long time and already KNOW we're getting married. The actual proposal, while nice, is just for show at this point. At least, I think.

So... does this sound OK? Any ideas of what to say that night? Or should I tell him beforehand, over the phone, about the ring? So far, the friends whom I've told (including a guy) think this is a great idea and that there's nothing wrong with using this ring. And ALL understand -- even the guy -- why it's so important for me to finally make this engagement official before moving all the way to Seattle.

Anyway, please hit me with suggestions, advice, etc. Has anyone been in this situation before?

Where to get a quality LCD TV (15-20") for a good price?

seinfeld — Wed, 07 Dec 2005 07:36:52 -0800

My fiancee still lives at home with her TV-crazy parents. As a gift before our wedding, to thank them for letting me stay at their house literally hundreds of nights, I want to get them a nice 15-20" LCD TV for their kitchen to replcae their crummy 13" CRT. Any suggestions on where to get a quality (not junk like Sylvania and Apex) TV for about 300-400$? Money is a little tight with the wedding and we just bought a condo, but I'd like to get them something nice that shows my appreciation.

Thanks for the help.

Non-Diamond Engagement Ring

cleetus — Wed, 14 Jul 2004 13:20:29 -0800

I am fairly well resolved to do what must be done to turn my girlfriend into my fiance. One thing is delaying this: I'd like to get an engagement ring without enriching the diamond monopoly (she and I are both on the same page about this). What's to know about substitute/faux/synthetic gemstones? Are they worth it? What would make a good ring given this unorthodox constraint? Any and all suggestions much appreciated!

Should we do pre-marriage counseling?

graventy — Mon, 08 Mar 2004 20:13:34 -0800

My fiancee and I aren't sure if we should do pre-marriage counseling or not. We agree on most issues (ie. money, children, religion) but aren't sure if the counseling will bring up issues we haven't thought about. Is pre-marital counseling just for religous folk or is it something everyone should do? What type of questions arise in the counseling sessions?