Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with fiance

Move this Aussie from down under to up yonder.

metalheart — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 13:26:04 -0800

Immigration Law! Help me get my bagged Aussie into the U.S. and A. Disclaimer: Know you're probably not a lawyer, and if you are, you aren't giving official advice. It's cool. :)

Okay, background: I am a 21-year-old American chick who moved down under in 2006 to live and study. Met a nice guy at paintball (yes, lawl) in mid-2007, fell for him, living together since late 2007. Engaged now. Wanting to move to the States--Las Vegas, NV area--in late 2009, when my study ends and visa in Australia expires. Australia is too expensive, in terms of cost of living and taxation and traveling internationally, for me to stay here; oh, and immigration is a friggin' bitch--much tighter for me to get in here, than for my fiance to get into the States, it seems.

The issue for us is that my fiance is self-employed (web developer), and so a work sponsorship is out of the question. We are looking at fiance and marriage visas now...but my God, there are so many to choose from! There are K1's (fiance) and K3's (marriage), and we have been told that the CR1 (think that's right) is also a marriage visa, but that it's faster than the K3. Everything is more complicated, since I am sponsoring his entrance into the country, but I am actually out of the country now, myself.

Essentially, we need a few things:

1) An immigration lawyer. Anyone know of one? We are happy to correspond via phone and email with someone who knows his or her stuff. (And yes, many things we could do ourselves--and we plan to still do that with any/all paperwork--but we have some questions about getting over his mother at some point, as well.)

2) To know which visa to get. We have begun filing papers for the K1 fiance visa, which would get him into the country, and then we'd marry within 90 days of his landing. We plan to send this off in December/January, so we'll hopefully get the visa in time and not have it expire by the time we can leave in September 2009.

3) Advice! I have posted on a few US immigration sites, and I've gotten good advice there, but we are always looking for more. If any of you have been in this situation, please share personal stories; we'll appreciate them!

Thanks so much ahead of time!

Root beer floats + bicycles = best wedding gift ever?

bedhead — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:09:10 -0800

Help me pick out the best wedding gift ever for my almost-husband. We're getting married in a few weeks, and I want to get him a really awesome gift. He is a photographer, an avid cyclist, a watch/timepiece geek, and loves root beer and chocolate. He doesn't drink, so fancy booze is out. Past gifts that have gone over quite well have been a gift basket of gourmet root beer and snacks, items made from recycled bicycle chains, photography-related items, watches, and Edward Gorey art and books (he's a fan).

So, what I'm looking for, you sexy, smart, and talented Mefites, is an awesome wedding gift, from the bride to the groom, for a really wonderful guy who has pretty much everything he needs and wants as far as his preferences go. I mean, I can just feed him a root beer and some ice cream and he's happy; I need some help finding a creative gift that appeals to one or more of the categories of things that he loves.

We are located in NYC, and local items are a bonus, but online ordering is also fine. Suggestions for making things are also welcome as long as they are small projects that can be easily hidden and don't take much time to complete - we live together, and as you can imagine with an NYC apartment, space and privacy are at a premium, so I can't build him a 6 foot tall sculpture to represent our love. He is, however, at work during the day and I work from home, so something that takes a few hours to make is feasible.

kiss and told. Now what?

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 02:55:30 -0800

2 months before the wedding. Fiance kissed another man while drunk. Told me about it. Now what? She had confessed to having a crush on a co-worker a few months ago, but after talking about it with me seemed to be over it. However, tonight was her office's xmas party which I did not attend. She came home really hammered and told me that she kissed this co-worker at the party. Apparently, she pulled him into a bathroom to ask him why he was ignoring her, one thing led to another and they kissed a few times. They then talked about a sexual tension between them, but she said she loved me and he said he loved his fiance and that was the end of it (as far as I know). They were both drunk at the time.

I am very pissed off about this and but I feel very conflicted about it at the same time. I mean on the scale of cheating, kissing someone is below fucking them, but it was still a betrayal of my trust. One minute I feel like I could forgive her and the next minute I think that there's no way I'll be able to trust her again BUT she was at least honest enough to tell me right away and was very contrite about it BUT she initiated the whole thing. ARGH!

This is the first time something like this has happened and we've been together about 9 years now. I feel like I need some outside advice on how serious a betrayal this is - as the wedding date has gotten closer she's gone from being happy about it to somewhat "blah", so this might be just jitters(?), I don't know, but now I am just disappointed and disgusted, mostly because it was with some guy she had already said she was over - and I trusted her about that and look where it got me.

In your opinions, how serious is this? If I called off the wedding or broke up with her would I be over-reacting?

How to track joint finances?

gottabefunky — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 21:11:45 -0800

How can I and the soon-to-be-Mrs. start tracking our joint finances simultaneously on separate computers? She uses a laptop, I have a desktop and a laptop. I know we can just use Quicken on the desktop, but that would take some serious habit-reshaping, and we have enough of that coming up as it is.

Is there any sort of distributed-Quicken thing out there where we can track our finances separately, but end up with one file at the end of the year (which we can both modify along the way)? Maybe online? Network our computers?

To propose or not to propose... that is (sort of) the question.

Teevee's Bella — Sat, 19 Aug 2006 21:45:35 -0800

My grandmother's ring, a long-distance relationship that's about to become a co-habitation, and a boyfriend who just graduated college and doesn't have any money yet.... Help! Hi, everyone. :)

My boyfriend and I have been involved in a long-distance relationship for nearly four years, with me in Boston and him in Seattle. What began as a working relationship (I needed an artist for a project, and he is one), turned into a close friendship and, ultimately, an incredible romantic relationship. (I should mention that he pursued me for a long time before I "gave in" and agreed to try things romantically. There were personal reasons for my hesitation [read: baggage], but I worked through them because I already adored him as a friend and knew that if I let something develop, it could end up being great -- and it is.)

Anyway, most of the time that we've been together, he's been a broke student, and I've been working temp jobs so that I could take off whenever I needed to see him (whether it was me going out West or him coming here) -- and also because I'm planning to go back to school next year to change careers and wanted to test the waters of various work environments.

During that time, we've gone back and forth in the debate about who would be the one to eventually make the cross-country move -- him to Boston, or me to Seattle. We've known for a long time that marriage is in our future, but with him being in school and the whole relocation issue being up in the air, there was never a formal proposal. I always say that we're "unofficially engaged," because we're absolutely planning marriage, but the traditional question hasn't been popped and no ring has been proffered. However, and in spite of the distance, we've each become totally integrated in the other's life (for example, he's gotten very close with my family, as I have with his).

Well, he recently finished school and is looking to begin his career. Because of this, we recently made plans to begin the process of starting a life together. I've decided it would be best if I moved out to the Seattle area to be with him, and the plan is for me to head out in February to find work and so that we can look for a place. In the meantime, I'm also planning to fly out for a week in October to celebrate his birthday with him.

Now, here's why I'm writing: My boyfriend knows that I very much want to be engaged before uprooting my life and moving 3,000 miles. The problem is, he's not making a lot of money yet, and everything we each make in the next six to eight months has to go toward moving and a "nest egg." I don't want him to spend a lot of money on a ring, and would be happy with an inexpensive one -- but he says he would rather buy something more substantial. The problem is that he can't afford "substantial" right now, and I'm not moving cross-country without the extra security of an official engagement. (Four years is long enough; the distance is killing us both.)

Well, my grandparents arrived from New York today for a visit, and my grandmother began handing me jewelry that she wanted me to have. The last item was her own engagement ring: a gorgeous solitaire, set in platinum, with two smaller diamonds on either side! She explained that she would rather see me enjoy the ring, than have it passed to me after her death. (For the record, she and my grandpa have been married 58 years, and she now wears a fake engagement ring because she wanted to keep the real one safe for me.)

Of course I was completely touched and cried. She said that I could do one of several things with the ring: Let it represent my engagement to my boyfriend, but allow him to reset the diamonds or add to the existing setting so that he will feel as though he's contributed; or wear it until he can afford to replace it with one of his own. (She also said I could turn it down, but I'm not insane!)

So, my question is: How do I broach this subject with my boyfriend? I'm planning to bring it up in person when I see him in October. The thing is, I don't want to offend him, but using this ring would save us a lot of money, we could get engaged before I move, and it's special because it's the ring my grandpa gave my grandma back in the 40s.

So, I figure that, in October, I'll get him a birthday/engagement gift, like an I.D. bracelet or something, and then book a night in a hotel, bring some candles, etc. Then I'll show him the ring and tell him the story behind it and move from there to... well, something.

I don't want to actually be the one to officially propose -- but it seems like a trend in my family that all the women and their respective spouses just sort of decide to get engaged. My mom and my father, my grandma and grandpa... in either case, there was no actual proposal because both couples had been together so long that it was just the natural and obvious next step. Same here: we've been together a long time and already KNOW we're getting married. The actual proposal, while nice, is just for show at this point. At least, I think.

So... does this sound OK? Any ideas of what to say that night? Or should I tell him beforehand, over the phone, about the ring? So far, the friends whom I've told (including a guy) think this is a great idea and that there's nothing wrong with using this ring. And ALL understand -- even the guy -- why it's so important for me to finally make this engagement official before moving all the way to Seattle.

Anyway, please hit me with suggestions, advice, etc. Has anyone been in this situation before?

Non-Diamond Engagement Ring

cleetus — Wed, 14 Jul 2004 13:20:29 -0800

I am fairly well resolved to do what must be done to turn my girlfriend into my fiance. One thing is delaying this: I'd like to get an engagement ring without enriching the diamond monopoly (she and I are both on the same page about this). What's to know about substitute/faux/synthetic gemstones? Are they worth it? What would make a good ring given this unorthodox constraint? Any and all suggestions much appreciated!