Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with feminism

Can you recommend any feminist princess dolls I can buy for my 6-year-old goddaughter?

mythomane — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 03:22:23 -0800

Can you recommend any feminist princess dolls I can buy for my 6-year-old goddaughter? I don't mind getting her princesses, but they have to be awesome princesses who really are heroes in their own right! Mulan is the best of the Disney princesses, IMO, but I don't really want to give Disney my money. So far all I've thought of are Wonder Woman and She-Ra (not that I can find affordable She-Ra dolls nowadays anyway), but I worry that they won't seem 'princessy' enough for my goddaughter to really appreciate and love them. Lots of pink and fancy clothing is fine, but I want to show her princesses who save the prince (or don't need one, or ditch him for another princess, or whatever) and kick ass on their own. Any suggestions?

Name this short story!

Bizurke — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 16:30:41 -0800

Name this short story about an immigrant student working as a babysitter for an American professor. I hope you folks can identify this short story from my hazy recollections of a Postcolonial Feminism course.

It begins when a young women immigrates to the US from a Caribbean nation. She goes to a University (maybe Michigan) and starts working as a maid/babysitter for a professor. The story ends when the professor makes a sexual advance on her and she seems to welcome it.

Like I said, these recollections are hazy and I'm not sure which ones are actually correct.

Thanks!

Boys like shiny things too!

Diagonalize — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 11:00:29 -0800

What are some good engagement ring alternatives/equivalents for a man? The boyfriend and I (the girlfriend) were having a conversation about this the other day, and we concluded that the current engagement traditions are in need of a massive overhaul. In this day and age, proposals should be fair game for anyone who wants to get hitched, so what do you do about the ring?

I know engagement rings aren't mandatory, but sometimes you want something special you can flash at your family and friends to say, "Look! I'm engaged!" DeBeers tells us that guys should purchase expensive diamond rings for their beloveds, but what if she wants to propose? Or what if it's a gay couple? What if she just loves her ring and wants to reciprocate? I feel like a male engagement ring would just be interpreted as a wedding ring by most, so it doesn't seem like a good substitute, and I've seen watches listed as a potential equivalent, but what if he doesn't wear a watch? While I'm sure an iPhone or fancy TV would be much appreciated, it doesn't have quite the same romantic glitter of an engagement ring.

And if you're reading this, honey, relax. It's just a question.

I just can't agree with you, lady, but I don't know why

saysthis — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 21:47:56 -0800

"Women are different than men. In a relationship, a man needs to be the one who takes care of a woman when she's angry, who tells her to calm down. A man needs to be more understanding than a woman, and a woman needs to be allowed to have her moods." Really? I'd like to call bullshit, but I don't quite know how. (Long explanation inside) This notion is fundamentally offensive to me because it seems to absolve one half of a relationship of their responsibility to control their temper. It isn't "fair".

Help me construct a rhetorically and logically sound feminist refutation of this statement that assumes the following two premises:
1) "Fairness" is a secondary value in a relationship.
2) Men and women are, indeed, different, and exceptional rules apply to both sexes.

I'm coming out of China, and two of the most common, fundamental assumptions about relationships are precisely what I've listed above. Fairness is not assumed to be an important value in a relationship, and women and men are both assumed to be given special leeway in certain aspects of relationships (ex.: women are allowed & expected to earn substantially less, men are expected/sometimes allowed to seek extramarital partners). I've never, not once, been able to argue around these two notions. Gender exceptionalism and comfort over fairness seem to be two of the most basic assumptions about relationships in this country, and attempts to refute them are turned down as "Western thinking".

I can accept these two premises as a foundation for a successful relationship on the following premise: both partners are extremely considerate of the other's feelings. I understand that relationships aren't always "fair". Sometimes people have a bad day and need a hug, sometimes people have a disease and require sacrifice. And I fully accept that men and women, while equal, are in some ways different, often for reasons that seem mysterious to me. Why in god's name do you buy so many clothes? Well, you do, and it's valid, k? Looking good is important to you, I accept that. Broadly speaking, there are differences, and they're part of what make humanity beautiful. I don't understand the primarily male pastimes of coin collecting or cigar smoking either, but hey, it variety is the spice of life, yeah?

But the above statement, that men are, blanket, required to be more considerate than women, seems to me a recipe for chaos and bitterness. But this is often refuted (again, this is almost universal, in media and in personal conversation) with the claim that asking for fairness is a kind of unworkable imposition. They have a few terms that they usually respond with: 疼爱，溺爱=painful love, smothering love. This seems to be the cultural ideal, and I find it hard to accept that love must be inherently painful for the man.

So my question, essentially, is, allowing for the notions that comfort and consideration take preference over fairness, and that the genders are different, how can I argue that harmful tempers and harsh words are conducive to a relationship filled with bitterness, rather than loving care? And I'd like to couch this in feminist terms, so that I myself don't go the way of taking a position that denies women equal rights or consideration. The last thing I want to do is say something like, "Well, if you think that, then you better not take a job or leave the house without my permission. You better stay home and cook my laundry."

How did Kyle Payne get caught?

TigerCrane — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 11:24:23 -0800

How did Kyle Payne get caught?

Third-wave feminist book

esnyder — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 08:58:06 -0800

My book club is looking for a book by a third-wave feminist author to read. The book club is composed of around a dozen women who attended seven-sisters colleges; ages range from 23 to 80. We are looking for a feminist book to read, and are thing something third-wave may initiate some interesting discussion.

I found the following books from the Wikipedia entry on Third-wave feminism. If you have read them - would you recommend them for our book club? Do you have any other recommendations? This is a monthly-club, so a shorter book is better.

ManifestA. 2000. by Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards
To Be Real. 1996. by Rebecca Walker
Listen Up: Voices from the Next Feminist Generation. 1995. Barbara Findlen.
BITCHfest. 2006. Margaret Cho, Lisa Jervis, and Andi Zeisler

I have looked at these to previous posts on feminist literature:
breaking out of the boyzone and Feminism 101

Recommendations for a good feminist therapist in New York City area?

staveitoff — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 11:00:54 -0800

Recommendations for a good feminist therapist in New York City area? I know they exist and I want one. Any recommendations or ideas on where to look are greatly appreciated.

A feminist gift for my mom?

salvia — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 23:34:06 -0800

GiftFilter: Light-hearted feminist stuff for my mom? A good gift for a 55 year old woman asserting her "bad" side and moving toward self-empowerment? My mom spent her life feeling pressure to be "good" and make everyone else's needs her priority. Maybe in response, she's always liked things that show people, especially women, rebelling and being "bad." She likes things like the Pirates of the Caribbean; the book Wicked; all those "teen witch"-type movies; the Anne Taintor cards, stuff like that.

Anyway, she and my dad are getting divorced, and she's redefining her life. So more than ever, I'd like to support this spirit of independence and female empowerment. Any ideas about what might appeal to her? Something with confident and empowered women as a realty, ideally (rather than passive-aggressive snark, or rebellion fantasies where female empowerment requires supernatural intervention). My default idea is a subscription to Bitch Magazine, but that's probably the wrong demographic. Any ideas?

Info on asian prostitution

TigerCrane — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 18:23:29 -0800

Help me find scholarship on Asian Massage Parlors I'm looking for information on Asian-style prostitution (Massage Parlors and apartment-brothels) in the U.S.

There's a great deal written on other forms of sex work, and a lot on human trafficking (OMG! Sex Slavery!OMG!) But very little on the day-to-day business.

I'm lookng for information on how the business works, who owns and runs the businesses , first person accounts of women who have worked in them, the social organization of the business, the people who become mamasans...this sort of thing.

Books, webpages, journal articles, first person experiences would all be welcome.

Help me decide what to research.

acidic — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:46:10 -0800

I'm in need of ideas for a year-long research topic in economics, preferably relating to feminism, technology, or both. I'm about to embark on a sort of informal thesis, which will occupy about 1/6th of my academic time for the next year, relating to economics. Since it's a bit of a capstone project, I'd like it to involve my other main interests, feminism and the internet. Unfortunately, I haven't had the opportunity to take many classes which involve either of those interests as my program is quite standardized, but I'm eager to learn and throw myself into a passion project.

Certainly labor economics is a possibility, e.g. the wage gap, but I thought I would open the question up to the hive mind to see if there are any unanswered questions, creative viewpoints, or any other ideas which might be interesting.

A good example, which I'm already exploring, is a the research exploring the effect of online pornography on the incidence of rape. My perspective is somewhat snarky, a little bit "Freakonomics," and I just really don't want to spend a year, like, rating index funds!

Feminist commentary on female sexual preferences

Cucurbit — Wed, 21 May 2008 13:14:25 -0800

I'm interested in reading feminist commentary on female sexual preferences, especially on the near-universal (?) preference of women for taller and older men. What does the range of opinions within feminism look like, and what books or articles or essays ought I search for? Suggestions for materials that respond to feminist perspectives on this topic are also welcome.

I find it hard to maintain friendships with women

Anonymous — Sat, 03 May 2008 10:34:30 -0800

I find it hard to maintain friendships with women. What's up with me? I'm a 23 year old woman and throughout college and high school, I've had only one or two female friends, but have had lots of male friends. For some reason, I just don't get along with women. I get uncomfortable around the women in my life who could potentially be my friends and all our interactions become very formal and I become lost for words because I can't seem to relax. I don't like a lot of the things that most of the women I've encountered enjoy--I do know a small handful of women my age who like the same geeky, traditionally "boys-club" sorts of activities as I, but for some reason, we just never connect. It's like there is a communication mismatch and I just can't understand the social signals sent by women, versus those sent by men. I have no problem maintaining long-lasting, fun and fulfilling friendships with men.

I consider myself a feminist, so this inability to connect with women is disconcerting for me. I don't think I'm accidentally sabotaging potential friendships with women based on gender stereotypes or other sexist ideas, because after all, we are all people in the end, not a sum of our genitals. I have a few casual female friends and I'd love to eventually have that BFF friendship with them like I did back when I was on the playground. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot by not having many women in my life. Can anyone share an experience with this or help to pinpoint why I might be having this problem?

Find me this book about portrayals of women in the media

peacheater — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 09:15:35 -0800

Could anyone tell me the name of this feminist book I read about 10 years ago? My mother had a book about portrayals of women in the media. It was a small-sized paperback book, extensively illustrated with examples. The basic format of the book was to show a couple of examples of pictures from the media, explain what was sexist about them and maybe show another picture with a man taking the role of the woman in the picture. I remember a lot of interesting things from the book such as about how even ads for adult women played upon the Flashdance Fantasy -- of suddenly waking up and finding out that one is a princess or marrying one's boss and becoming rich. There was something about how very rarely do you see women in ads looking directly into the camera -- more often they're looking away somewhere into the distance. It was the perfect book for me to learn about these things as a 12 year old because of its almost picture book format. I enjoyed it immensely and must have read it several times. From what I remember of the pictures the book must have been published in the 70s or 80s. If anyone has any ideas about this book is called I'd really appreciate them.

Feminism 101

thatwhichfalls — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 03:23:39 -0800

Book recommendations for introductions to feminist thinking. Having read through the recent metatalk threads about mefi being a boyzone I found myself coming across ideas that were new not only new to me but also explained a lot of things I hadn't even thought required explanation before.

For example, the concept of "the male gaze" (as mentioned in the grey and blue a fair amount lately) gave me, as I thought about it, that rare sense of going from a new idea to genuinely changing the way I looked at the world.

I like it when that happens, and as a middled aged guy I suspect I've missed out on a lot of similar stuff that could equally change the way I think.

Where should I start?

breaking out of the boyzone

sambosambo — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:31:16 -0800

What resources do you suggest for someone who wants to learn more about feminism? There has been a lot of discussion about feminism on various parts of this site, which has inspired me to do some searching and reading.

While what I've found so far has been fascinating, it has more importantly been convicting.

I've always thought of myself as a gentleman to the women that I know and work with, a kind, generous boyfriend, and all-around good guy. And be that as it may, I'm beginning to uncover some disappointing beliefs and attitudes about women that I didn't realize I held--to the point where I am seeing ways in which I have been (and am) manipulative and controlling in my relationships with women.

What resources can you recommend for a mid-20s man living in the San Francisco Bay Area who wants to challenge his misconceptions and raise his consciousness regarding issues that women face such as sexism and equality? Books, magazines, blogs, shows, movies, documentaries, and events are all welcome.

Philosophy please!

ssg — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 23:17:05 -0800

Please help me find writings about the relationship between men's and women's reproductive rights. This recent post reminded me that I'd been meaning to do some reading on the relationship between the reproductive rights of women, specifically the right for a woman to control her body and thus to choose to abort or not abort a fetus, and the rights of men and women to choose whether to reproduce and their responsibilities to their offspring. I accept the primacy of the rights of women to control their own bodies, but I don't feel that the argument that I follow to reach that conclusion is very strong and edge cases (such as the one in the FPP) tend to weaken my argument, so I'd like to do some reading.

Can you suggest books, articles, etc. that deal with this subject? I'm particularly interested in feminist or ethical perspectives; I'm not interested in religious perspectives.

Book mystery involving surrealist art and attempted murderers of Andy Warhol

ibeji — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 11:21:02 -0800

I remember everything about this book except the title and author---cover, quotes, illustrations, approximate size & shape. You love a challenge, and you love being right. All ideas welcome. I found it on a relative's shelf when I was in high school: she had bought it for a women's studies course at the University of Michigan in the mid to late eighties.

Cover: a drawing of a (white) woman, light brown hair, face seen either in profile or turned to show only the edge of her brow and cheek, arms down and slightly back, huge butterfly wings in hues of blue and purple sprouting from her shoulders and filling 1/2 to 3/4 of the drawing, framed in the same black that colored the spine and back cover of the book. White title above the drawing and on spine, white descriptive information on back.

Size: square or close to it, probably 9x9 or 9x7, shorter side being the vertical.

Quotes: all quotes were set in the upper corners of pages (left in lefthand pages, right in righthand pages) with the main text of the book coming below, leaving a small rectangle of white space on each page that contained a quote.

Valerie Solanas' S.C.U.M. Manifesto was quoted at least twice, possibly three times, and I'm almost positive they misspelled her name as Valerie Solanis. One of the quotes was from her infamous "Men are walking abortions, aborted at the gene stage" routine. I don't believe the rest of the book necessarily gave full support to the argument, but it did present her in a positive light or at least seemed to admire her enthusiasm.

Illustrations: the book included at least two each from artists Remedios Varo and Leonor Fini. I can specifically remember Fini's The Ends of the Earth being used. I'm 90% sure Varo's To Be Reborn was used. All inside illustrations were grayscale.

That's all I've got. Anyone?

Good feminist blogs?

footnote — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 06:58:55 -0800

Where are the feminist blogs that aren't superficial and/or tending towards ranty? I want more thoughtful analysis and intelligent discussion than you tend to find on feministing et al.

Is there anything else I can get you, Master?

Anonymous — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 05:44:06 -0800

A recent conversation with my boyfriend brought up some weird, unexpected, slightly misogyenistic feelings on his part and I don't really know how to respond. We've been together about three years, but this will be the first year we're planning on spending the holidays with each others' families. We were talking about this last night, and eventually it came up that on Thanksgiving, in his family, the women all serve the men their plates before getting their own, and he expects me to do the same. I laughed when he told me that, before I realized he was being serious, because... what? Can't you get your own damn plate? Holiday meals with my family and every family I've been with have been much more of a "Hey! Food's on the table! Everyone dig in!" type of affair. I'm getting all rankled over the fact that I'm supposed to serve him as my womanly duty... that somehow that fact that I have a vagina means his needs supercede mine.

...but then again, am I just making a big deal out of nothing? If he had said 'hey, babe, can you fix me a plate?' I would have happily done it without a second thought. He comes from a very traditional Latin family, and his mother and sisters all prepare plates for their husbands at every meal, so I think this a deep-seated cultural thing that maybe I should just accept. For better or worse, my boyfriend is really concerned with other people's perceptions of him, and I don't want to cause him to lose face in front of his family like that... but then again, I sort of do. I have this mental image of a bunch of fat old men sitting around on their asses while the womenfolk are running around, preparing and cleaning and serving and everything, and it just makes me feel a little sick to my stomach. My mom would smack me upside the head if she knew I was with someone who expected me to serve their plate. Even in my uberconservative "the man is the head of the house" christian family, that shit just would not fly with anyone.

I know relationships involve a lot a compromise, but I don't know how to handle this one. He is kind and loving and thoughtful in almost all ways, but I'm afraid this might be a slippery slope, resulting in my becoming one of those horrible, bitter, put-upon women I can't stand (he's made noises about how he wants me to cook dinner when we eventually live together, but I've always brushed those off because I love cooking anyway, so whatever... but now it's making me a little nervous).

Is it worth standing my ground and making my bf feel disrespected in front of his family over a plate of turkey?

"Good blogs by female magicians?"

macrowave — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:06:04 -0800

Any female magicians/assistants here? Does anyone know of any web resources/blogs regarding women and professional magic? Long story short, I've been enlisted to write an article about women and stage magic. My interviews with contacts (two magicians, one male and female) have left me with rather slim info. Specifically, I'm looking for research material regarding women's difficulties in being taken seriously in what seems to be an overwhelmingly male profession.

I know this is a bit vague, but any leads would be totally appreciated.

What do you do with a new bisexual (maybe), earlaay in the maaarning...

Anonymous — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:20:21 -0800

I identify as a lesbian. Friends have recently begun discussing the fact that they think that that I'm bisexual. I honestly don't know if they're right. Help me find good essays/books/etc, preferably online, that deal with some of these issues... I just need to read some things to help me get my head straight, and things that preferably deal with a female gay-to-bi emotional transition. The reason I'm asking, instead of googling, is for suggestions of the good ones; I'm anon because of real-life friends being on mefi.

Bonus points if it has a nice bit on societal pressures to be straight, especially from guys (I generally hate the word, but discussions about 'heteronormativity' would be nice).

Being reasonably technical is ok, but anything at the level of Judith Butler's "Gender Trouble" is a way too much.

Personal experiences are welcome, but my friends are not the problem. They might be overstepping, but have good intentions, and trust me, I aired my grievances with their behaviour about this.

How do women know how to be women in America?

bilabial — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 20:47:47 -0800

Is there academic research that claims that viewing of advertising material a ritual of genderization? I'm writing a paper for anthropology class and am stating that it is. I've got enough material to support my saying it is, but I haven't come across anyone else saying it is. A large chunk of my writing focuses on content analysis of 7 ads I found in current American magazines that disembody and infantilize women. So what I'm arguing is that this print medium tells women what they can and can't be.

What gives? Has anyone else seen anything along these lines, or might I actually be breaking some ground here?

My university has access to online journal archives, so if you just tell me who and when, or perhaps an article title, I can find the works, if they're around, because maybe I could study this more thoroughly.

Women comic book authors

corpse — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 06:11:26 -0800

What are some good comic books written by female authors?

Feminist porn lovers.

kingjoeshmoe — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 13:43:31 -0800

Pro-pornography writings by feminists? I'm looking for any books/articles/what-have-you written by feminists that support pornography. For purposes of this question, the feminists must also be female.

The more prominent the feminist, the more she's done for the movement, the better. Ideal, for example, would be a woman who marched and protested for women's suffrage in the early 1900's, has written several books on the topic of equal rights, etc. Less ideal but still great is a woman who has written extensively on feminist issues. An article written by a random woman in cosmo does not qualify. She must have some kind of bona fides as an academic or social leader.

The writing itself should do more than just say porn is good (or at least not bad). It should give reasons, and/or refute common feminist reasons (see, e.g., Catharine MacKinnon) for disapproving porn. The more analytic, the better. Thanks!

Trying to find pregnancy-advocate website.

occhiblu — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 11:33:50 -0800

Looking for a website. I'm trying to track down a website for a classmate. It was a feminist site that dealt with pregnancy -- or possibly parenting/motherhood in general -- and I seem to remember them having a great deal of resources for pregnant women who had been discriminated against. I'm pretty sure it had a Rosie the Riveter - esque graphic on the left, and I think it was a site to accompany a book that the creators had out. I think I saw it linked from Salon or Bitch, Ph.D. originally, but I'm not having any luck in their archives.

And it's not the National Advocates for Pregnant Women.

I actually suspect that I once linked to the site I'm looking for in an AskMe comment, but a search for "occhiblu pregnant" was not only unhelpful but also started wigging me out.