Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with farting

Help me calculate my carbon ass-print.

dr. boludo — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 22:46:46 -0800

How much does my flatulence contribute to climate change? I'm a pretty typical granola liberal -- I commute by bicycle almost all the time, and I eat a lot of legumes. Consequently, I fart a lot. I recently joked that probably the biggest part of my carbon footprint is actually my butt. This, of course, got me thinking: Could it really be? I understand that methane is orders of magnitude more significant than CO2 in contributing to global warming.

Given this data: male, early 30s, 175 lbs, I'd estimate an average of 30 very healthy sized farts per day (I have neither the equipment nor the inclination to obtain a more precise volumetric measurement, sorry)...

What is the estimated environmental impact of my ass as compared to other typical activities? How many commuting miles (city driving, 1998 Toyota Corolla) would I need to replace with bicycling or walking miles to make my digestive tract carbon neutral?

Come on AskMe, I know you like overthinking plates of beans!

Can't even say it!

Anonymous — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 19:57:56 -0800

This is going to sound neurotic as hell! It's about farting. Okay. So... I've always been really funny about farting. I cannot even say the word out loud. Even typing it so often in this post is going to pain me.

Actually, it's not farting per se that I have the problem with. When someone else farts I couldn't care less. I'll laugh if they laugh, I'll ignore it if they ignore it, and I really don't think about it any further.

But if I fart, it's like kill me now.

It's not completely pathological, but it is certainly a topic I'm not comfortable with and I avoid talking about it with people at all costs! Because of this, I am totally naive to other peoples' attitudes to farting (I just assume everybody else is totally cool and I'm the One Person On Earth Who Has A Problem).

So tell me, please. Should I feel guilty about being so shamey about a bodily function or is it totally fine? Do I need to work on this or can I get through life as I've gone through my whole life already: essentially ignoring the subject and feeling a few moments of torture every now and then!?

Am I abnormally uncool? Do I need to learn to be gracious about farting and develop a sense of humour? I have a sense of humour about everything but this, I swear.

Are there people in marriages or LTRs who just don't fart around each other? Is it some sort of prerequisite to a LTR that you have to share farts or something? Ick. I really hope not.

The funny thing is, I found out recently that my father is also weird about farting. I never knew this, because I didn't grow up with him. Can secret shames be passed via genes? LOL.

Oh yeah. I also identify with that PostSecret card that says "I take extreme measures to poop in solitude."

What's my problem!!

Help me fart less.

Anonymous — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:59:01 -0800

Help me fart less. OK, so I fart a lot. A whole lot. I also poop at least five times a day. This curse started sometime in high school and has been tormenting me for around 7-8 years now. My eating habits seem to have little effect on it. I've tried eliminating various foods but the farts remain. Going from a sedentary lifestyle to excercising regularly hasn't improved things. I'm completely certain that my stress levels have nothing to do with it. The problem has lasted through periods where I don't have a care in the world. My questions are as follows:

1) Which foods should I try eliminating from my diet (or adding to it)? I've tried changing my eating habits with no success before but maybe you can give me an idea to try something I haven't thought about.
2) How can I release all the gas as soon as possible if I feel a storm brewing? I'd like to get all my farting done in the bathroom before an important meeting so I can focus on my clients instead of clenching my asshole.

Feel free to share if you have any other advice. Thanks!

Smell ya later!

bitteroldman — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 13:04:21 -0800

DigestiveEnzyme filter (or maybe FartFilter): Beano is the best! But is is just a band-aid solution for something more serious? OK, so here is weird behaviour that is my stomach - I seem to be able to handle one carbohydrate-laden meal per day (for example bagels, oatmeal, toast, etc).

After that, every time I have anything with carbohydrates (bread, rice, veggies, fruit), gas starts to build up inside me and I start farting like a cow!

I am making a semi-educated guess that my body is using up whatever digestive enzymes it has for the first carbohydrate-laden meal, but then has nothing left for the other meals, hence the buildup of bacteria and the subsequent gas that they produce.

Beano has been a Godsend (and it works on all kinds of carbs, not just beans!), so I have finally found some relief, but now I am wondering:

- Can too much Beano be bad for me? (FYI its active component is alpha-galactosidase, derived from the fungus Aspergillus niger)
- Should I should be worried about something more serious, like some chronic enzyme deficiency?

I'm dating the barking spider.

Anonymous — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 13:01:20 -0800

I just started dating a great guy but he farts every time I go out with him and it's freaking me out. I've been dating this new guy for a month (I'm a girl) and we're totally nuts about each other. My problem - he's farted every time I've been out with him. Restaurants, movie theatres, concerts, soccer games, everywhere. They're not little amusing farts, but loud, long, malodourous farts. He and I both pretend like nothing's happened, which is hard for me because everyone around us is acting otherwise. Now when I go out with him I'm consumed with anxiety, wondering when he's going to let one loose. My attraction to him is waning. The last few times I went out with him I was overcome with revulsion and it made me sad because I like him so much. I've been hoping his positive qualities, of which there are many, might eventually outweigh my revulsion but it isn't happening.

Am I being shallow? Is this not a big deal? Do I say something? I've had flatulent boyfriends in the past and I was fine with it but they weren't obvious about it until after we'd been dating for a while.

This is an absolutely serious question. I'm not a troll, I'm just this girl and I'm bummed out.

"Pull my finger." "Why'd you just cut the cheese?"

Rash — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 09:33:59 -0800

What's the connection between finger-pulling and farting? I see it occasionally in crude movies, and real life. A man says "Pull my finger" and then farts when his 'victim' does as told. Why? What's the source?

Farting in Bed

vito90 — Wed, 17 Dec 2003 19:38:50 -0800

I just started dating this really awesome girl, and we spend the night together often, and I want to know how long I have to wait before I can fart in bed.