How do you explain to your mother-in-law that you don't want some of her family around? Trigger Warning: abuse. [more inside]
We live in the San Francisco Bay area and we are considering moving to the Tampa Bay area. Where in Tampa/St. Pete would we not hate living? [more inside]
You're considering a move to Los Angeles for a job in Irvine. You and your (stay-at-home) wife are both in your early 30s, and have two young (under two years old) children. You were raised in the midwest, and prefer the suburbs. You want to live in an area that has lots of other young families and easy access to eating and shopping and preschools and other things like that. You don't want to spend more than 30 minutes or so commuting. You want to spend about $3,000 per month on rent for a 3+ bedroom single-family-home (or condo, you suppose). What areas of Los Angeles do you focus on?
Please help me pick a name and domain for our website/app. We're a private network for parents to upload, backup and share their kids' pictures. [more inside]
How to have a healthy relationship with my anxious parents. [more inside]
Is there any discussion available of the social/behavior results of having multiple generations of only children in a family? Know of any sources? Have any personal experiences? [more inside]
Hello Mefites, I am in the process of moving away from my abusive family (Previously: here and here). I've had a rough week, with my dad escalating his anger despite no provocation from me, which helped me make a lot of progress on moving out my things (discreetly) but I had a therapy session yesterday and I feel like my therapist has been screwing with my need to protect myself and get out. I was wondering what you think about it and for any tips on finding work in Seattle, because I don't consider moving back home a possibility should I be unable to find a job. Even if you're not from Seattle, any help is appreciated! [more inside]
My wife's father (Caucasian American) spent five years teaching in Chad, Africa in the late 60's and early 70's. A few years ago he told my wife that while he was there he had a relationship with a woman and that after he left the village where he was living he heard that she had a child who "looked like him." My wife and I are thinking about traveling to Chad to see where her father lived and to possibly try and find this woman who would now be in her 40's. We have some limited information from him (names places etc.) Finding information about Chadian culture has been difficult and we want to be sure that there would be no negative consequences for this woman and her family if we went and tried to find her. We want to be as low-key as possible but it looks like most of the westerners who travel to this part of Africa use guides or tourist companies. We speak a little french but not much. Any info would be so much appreciated!
What should I do about my mother? I don't get along with her or like her, nor can I afford to have her live with me. Yet she has nowhere to go. I'm in Canada. What are my options? [more inside]
My mother and mother-in-law have had a falling out due to a misunderstanding on my mother-in-law's part. My mother-in-law lives with me and my mother is due to visit in the summer (she lives abroad). Before I collapse with stress, I need some external perspective on this issue. Help! [more inside]
My family needs to decide between living in Smalltown and BigCity. Have you made this decision and how did you make it? Are you happy in retrospect? [more inside]
My distant sibling, diagnosed with bipolar some time ago (I don't know any solid details, unfortunately), fell out of touch with me for years. Now he's back in touch, but mostly just to drop dramatic texts on me ("I'm at the hospital", or, tonight, "I'm with the police, I'll call you when I'm released") and then not answer my increasingly plaintive texts or phone calls. I haven't been the prime target of this sort of thing before, what seems to be big swings of mental illness with the hospital and sheriffs and police involved, and the person involved giving me a bit of information but then nothing. Can anyone with more experience give me some advice as to ways I might handle it? [more inside]
My mom just found out my dad's been cheating on her. How do I deal with all of this from 3000 miles away? [more inside]
My preschooler is getting just old enough to have a proper social life (playdates, birthday parties, etc.). I've got some specific questions about the parental etiquette expectations surrounding these kiddie get-togethers. [more inside]
I wrote this question about my Aunt. As it turned out, I just wrote back a very polite reply -- "thank you for your good wishes" ...I was polite. I felt good about this. Thank you for all the helpful answers. My Aunt wrote me again -- long story inside. Thank you for taking the time to read it. [more inside]
Can signing an 'Authorization For Cremation' form somehow make me responsible for my deceased father's debt? [more inside]
How can I accept and deal with my estranged family? My father was an incredibly abusive person to his family. My mother couldn't really handle it (she was 17 or 18 at the time) and ended up giving me to my aunt (father's side). For years I had very little contact with my mother's family. I now have three half-siblings, whom I didn't grow up with and have very little in common with. In fact, at age 32, I live in a world that's completely different from theirs. [more inside]
Hello I am in need of a credit card that allows me to set a hard limit on authorized users. In addition I need for the card to allow a different limit for the primary and secondary card. [more inside]
My sister (late 30s) has recently given birth to a baby who is probably affected by Down syndrome. There will most likely not be a father in the picture. She also has an 8 y.o. daughter from a different, also absent father. They live at my mother’s house in a small town. My sister has a story of emotional instability and I often fear for my niece and nephew. My sister was molested by my father when she was in her late teens. She is extremely dependent on (and at the same time hostile to) my mother. My mother (divorced), in turn, is struggling to help her and the little children, while having to deal with lack of money and her own (physical) health issues. I (male) am the middle child, 8 years younger than my sister. I´ve lived in a big city for the last 6 years. I´m economically independent (yet also struggling) and starting a career in academia. I feel that if I don´t go back to my home town and help my family, things will deteriorate further. On the other hand, my chances of professional growth would be reduced by moving back there. Do you think a sacrifice of this sort is the right thing to do? [more inside]
My older brother (in his 50s) posted something on FB regarding the Steubenville rape case, which was: [more inside]
So, I'm trying to get some opinions here: My fiance and I have been engaged for 4 months and are in our mid-20s. We are both in school (undergrad for him, grad for me), but due to my income, we wanted to wait one more year, so that it would be financially better for us (e.g., paying tuition, etc). We are both interested in having children, however, something has come up for me health-wise (ulcerative colitis) that would make it less safe (because of medications) to have a baby later on, compared with now. Here are my questions for you: 1) Would you have a baby before marriage? What would be the reasons? 2) Has anyone actively planned this before? How did it work out? I know some would say suck it up and push up the wedding, but it would save us a good 20K or so.
We want to get married, but need to do it much quicker than expected for visa/insurance reasons. How to handle it (snowflakes within)? [more inside]
Can a new employer wait 7 months to start health insurance? [more inside]
I'm going into the health field and curious about cultural/ethnic health practices that are off the beaten path. For example, can anyone tell me the "what", "how", and "why" of cupping and coining? What other cultural/religious/traditional practices can you share? [more inside]
I'm a 22-year-old college grad living home with my dysfunctional family after being away at school for four years. I want to go to dental school but need to take pre-requisite science courses first. These courses should take me 1-2 years to complete. I work about 35 hours per week, but I have no savings and ~40K in student loan debt. My dad is an alcoholic and my mom is frighteningly codependent on him. The environment in my house is miserable and stale. That being said, financially it makes the most sense for me to live home for a couple more years. Should my focus be on moving out ASAP or learning to adapt to the dysfunction while I get my shit done? [more inside]
Tell me about your daily schedules, parenting logistics, etc., with a newborn plus a toddler or older child. [more inside]
My 80 year old mother- in- law of 30 years talks non-stop about things I am not interested in----- but the people-pleaser in me keeps listening to her politely and I end up feeling exhausted. [more inside]
My father passed away when I was a kid. I want to contact some of his friends to learn more about him, which is awkward enough, but more so when some of his close friends are public figures. Looking for advice on how to go about this. [more inside]
My baby brother moved to London yesterday and I'm sadder than sad. We're really close and he lived a couple of minutes from me so we hung out a lot. I'm going to miss him so much and it'll take me a while to accept that he's a flight away, and I can't just randomly drop in on him, hear his little hello, and settle down for a few hours of putting the world to rights. My usual way of dealing with sadness is not very productive - namely substances of varying degrees of legality, and chocolate. Help me make a list of positive things I can do to lift me out of the little pool of tears I'm in. He's left me one of his guitars - which was mine about 20 years ago - and I'm determined to learn it this time. Any other suggestions? Thanks.
My wife and I have a 3 year old, which for the sake of anonymity we will call John. He is the joy of my life, but biologically speaking, not mine. I am wondering if we should tell him, if so, how, and at what age we should tell him? Any Mefites who have experience either adopting or being adopted who have helpful input on this, it would be greatly appreciated. [more inside]
Looking for resources for supporting a partner (and my own mental health) in an ongoing, possibly abusive relationship with a family member. [more inside]
My family is going on vacation to New York in june for 9 days. We want to find a nice apartment in airbnb, but we have no clue on what would be an appropiate neighbourhood. My parents are over 60, don't speak the language, and want to do all the tourist-y things, so location is very important. My brothers and I are laid back and want to enjoy city life so we are looking for a neighbourhood with interesting things to do. [more inside]
Mom is a hoarder; house is making her sick. Adult children worried about her and grossed out. What can we do or say to her that might help? Snowflakes inside... Tl;dr: What, if anything, can be done or said to reign this situation in? [more inside]
How to anonymously send my Grandmother money? I love my Grandmother to pieces. She's one of my favorite people. She's the most charismatic woman I've ever known.. she just has a way with people. I watch her engage others in awe; she can disarm an utterly rigid stranger in a few seconds by simply bestowing her beautiful aura upon them. Pathetically, people have taken advantage of her throughout her entire life. I won't go into details because it's irrelevant, but her story is a sad one. Anyway I'm an adult now and I'm making a good living. I want to help her out without her knowing it's me, and for the rest of her life. She would never accept financial assistance from me so I have to be stealthy. [more inside]
Background: When my father learned I was gay, he disowned me. Think radical old-world "you are dead to me." This was many years ago -- well over a decade. He was very serious and cut off all contact with me. Made it clear I was out of the will and all of that -- very dramatic. I did try to initiate contact a few times many years ago, but was rebuffed. This is not what my question is about though -- I am at peace with this. I know I am a worthwhile and lovable person and I have many people in my life who care about me/love me. I had therapy when all this happened and I really feel I dealt with the emotions then. I know I am lovable and valuable person. Also, my relatives on my late Mother's side -- who are also quite old-world -- surprised me with their acceptance... [more inside]
My husband just got laid off from his position today. It's with a large company and he had excellent reviews but their revenue stream has not been up to par. They told him his position has been eliminated. However, he is welcome to reapply if and when blah, blah, blah... My concern is what is the right way to help him. He has never been laid off before and for the most part never thought this could happen. He is very optimistic by nature. He does seem a little shell shocked. My job is not going to be able to support our family. What are the first things we should do? I am also concerned about his mental well being and being a supportive partner while he looks for a new job. To make matters worse (or whatever) we have one in college, one applying to colleges, one getting ready to apply, and one freshman in high school.
It appears my Dad is in the process of dying - I'm mostly okay with that, but really struggling with the rest of my family. Could use some words of wisdom. [more inside]
Please talk to me about your experiences with interfaith wedding ceremonies (specifically, Catholic/non-Catholic.) [more inside]
My father would like to add my name to his bank account in case of his medical emergency or death. I'd prefer to just take power of attorney as he has a lot of debt. Thoughts?
I know every family is different, however I'd like to know what people consider to be a healthy idynamic between a grown (41 years) adult living at home and their parents and what would be considered unhealthy. [more inside]
What do I need to do to feel connected to people who don't have any "obligation" to be in the world with me? [more inside]
My marriage is in bad shape and I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband for his lack of initiative, follow-through, and logistical/emotional support within our household, especially during times of crisis. But right now I feel like I'm dealing with the mother of all crises, and on a practical level it would be folly to leave for at least a year, nor will I be in a position to focus on giving him one last honest shot at fixing things for months. What tools/attitudes/approaches can I adopt or employ to keep from making things worse and even more unsalveagable over the next few months? [more inside]
I need to set some boundaries with my spouse about my sister's new passion, which is something he finds offensive. [more inside]
I have a good scan of the group photo from my grandparents wedding. I know who several of the people are in the photo, and I know that all my grandmother's eight brothers are in the group, but I do not know which brother is which. My Dad has made his best guesses, but he's not sure about many of them. I have recently made contact with several second cousins in the family while doing my genealogical research, so I thought I could get each of them to give me their best guesses in some sort of online survey, and compile the answers to get a sort of family crowd-sourced opinion. But how best to do this? [more inside]
What can I do, as a mid-twenties female, to ensure my reproductive organs will be as healthy as possible by the time I want kids? There is also history of problems in my family. [more inside]
My friend is a very nice person and married to her husband three years ago. They got along well with each other. And then they had a baby two years ago. So this family looks like a happy family at first glance. But problem came gradually, when her husband beat her several times without reasons. They quarreled even with very tiny and trivial controversies, followed with beats. Then she tries not to quarrel with him or confront him, but the same happens. There were two times that she called police and he was forced to leave the family for a period of time. Now the same thing happen. As a friend, what kind of comforts and suggestions should I give my friend for her best interests?
I am of one race/ethnicity; my partner is of another. No kids. How will adopting a child from a third background impact him/her? [more inside]
I'm planning to scan a large number of old family photographs, with an eye to eventually creating family photobooks. I need a wide variety of my family members to be able to access these photos in order to comment on them, and tell me who is in them, when they are from, etc. [more inside]
My weekend is overbooked to the tune of family vs. work. Help me figure out how to tell my very difficult boss about this the right way. [more inside]
My sister (married, one child) and I (married, no kids) want to plan a joint family vacation. We do not want our parents (divorced, both remarried) to come. Our mom is extremely sensitive/dramatic, and we are hoping to avoid a major meltdown from her. Help? [more inside]