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New Year's Day in San Francisco

I'm spending New Year's in San Francisco so my partner and I can get married (no gay marriage allowed in Montana, so we're headed to the home state of both our families). We plan to be there with our parents and siblings for the event, but are not sure what to do with ourselves on the day of the 1st. [more inside]
posted by ikahime on Nov 27, 2013 - 9 answers

Staying at Land of a Thousand Cleaning Products

My family spends most holidays at the home of a family member with untreated OCD. It’s already a huge challenge, and I’ve discovered it’s slightly worse than I’d thought. Will solve an immediate problem temporarily, but won’t see my therapist until after Thanksgiving. Please just help me to not go nuclear this week. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 27, 2013 - 40 answers

National Lampoon's European Vacation Moocher

What's the age cutoff to expect to be able to tag along with your parents on a vacation? [more inside]
posted by Sara C. on Nov 25, 2013 - 34 answers

Help Me Figure Out the Best Finanacial Strategy

I'm unexpectedly broke. How do I get cash to use now, and a way to pay tuition and living expenses soon -- with the least risk of ending up in this situation again? [more inside]
posted by rue72 on Nov 21, 2013 - 19 answers

What steps can I take to meet a family orientated partner?

I'm an early 30s male, I have spent the last few years living a very self-centered life, hopping around short term casual relationships. I recently had a change of priorities, and want to prioritise starting a family. The gist of the question is about compromise. What kind of traits should be prioritised in a partner? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2013 - 37 answers

Alcoholism and the holidays

How do I navigate this family dysfunction around an alcoholic at Thanksgiving and Christmas? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 13, 2013 - 18 answers

Strategies for quality time with my wife when life gets in the way

How does a youngish (36) married couple spend quality time together when demanding jobs and childcare responsibilities seem to make it nearly impossible? What are your strategies? How do you cope? [more inside]
posted by Creamroller on Nov 13, 2013 - 18 answers

Yeah, you're ill, but you're still being a nightmare...

I posted this question back in May, about my father's strange (and awful) behaviour that seems to be driven by some kind of illness. Things have not improved. Part of me says, "you should be there for him, it's your dad and he's obviously ill"; another part says "he's behaving like a monster, cut him out of your life." How do I determine which part to listen to? [more inside]
posted by smockpuppet on Nov 11, 2013 - 19 answers

How do I deal now?

After getting severely depressed in Japan, I quit my fabulous grad school and left my friends and boyfriend behind to go back to Germany last month. I am getting treatment, but what can I do to make sure I won't get worse again? [more inside]
posted by LoonyLovegood on Nov 8, 2013 - 8 answers

But I don't like you - must I toast to you?

My stepsister is getting married this Saturday, a stepsister who has always presumed closeness to everyone in her stepfamily. I do not like her very much for reasons that are not relevant here. I am a bridesmaid in the wedding. She e-mailed all of the bridesmaids and in the same e-mail about our jewelry, mentioned that they'd be making time for speeches during the rehearsal dinner while the band is on a break (yes! There's a band at the rehearsal dinner, which is a whole other story...). She asked for us to let her know if anyone was interested in giving a toast. Should I? [more inside]
posted by juliagulia on Nov 7, 2013 - 39 answers

Making a book of Favorate Tweets

There used to be a service that took your stared tweets, and make them into a book. I can't find it now and it would be awesome for all the family stories and comments I've saved over the years... [more inside]
posted by rmathew1 on Nov 6, 2013 - 3 answers

Support Groups for adult children with estranged families?

Is there such a thing? I tried searching some, but I dunno, maybe I'm not searching right because I didn't find anything. [more inside]
posted by manderin on Nov 5, 2013 - 6 answers

Setting boundries with parents, what is the best approach at 30?

I am 30 years old, I have been pretty independent (I left NY to move to VA when I was 21 to go to college and have been here since). My parents recently moved 3 miles from my house about two years ago... it is a blessing, but sometimes it is difficult. I feel I carry "guilt" that I need to keep them company or keep my Mom busy since they don't have any friends or family here, so it makes me feel like I owe them a lot of my time since they basically moved here for me. If I dont call her or see her twice a week its like I've "abandoned" them. How do I get my parents to see this without it sounding like I don't "need" them in my life as much? [more inside]
posted by BrandNewMe on Nov 4, 2013 - 15 answers

How to support a relative post-bariatric surgery during the holidays?

I have a relative with some long-time food and weight issues who just underwent bariatric surgery. Making meals with her, cooking and eating out have always been kind of fraught. We'll be having a family Christmas holiday at her house and I'm worried that the heavy emphasis on food will be stressful. Any tips? [more inside]
posted by amanda on Oct 31, 2013 - 8 answers

My fiancé dislikes my mother..,

My fiancé dislikes my mother. How big an issue will this be? What can I do to mitigate any future issues regarding this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 30, 2013 - 29 answers

Inbetween Days

What tasks should I accomplish during a week off in between jobs to improve the state of my soul? [more inside]
posted by thenewbrunette on Oct 26, 2013 - 13 answers

I'm not on this diet to alienate you, I promise!

I'm on a diet that many (most) people would consider very restrictive if not downright odd. It's for health reasons, though I don't have any visible health or weight issues. I'm going to be spending several days with my boyfriend visiting his family over the holidays, and I'm dreading trying to navigate the weird food issues that will likely arise. If you are on a specific diet, how do you get around not eating various things that people are expected to eat (especially around the holidays)? [more inside]
posted by whistle pig on Oct 24, 2013 - 50 answers

What should my elderly parents do with their only asset, a liquid $250K?

I'm seeking as many opinions as I can get from people with knowledge of financial advising and/or trusts & estates and/or estate planning, about what my parents (in their 80s) ought to do with their $250,000 in liquid assets. I'm NOT looking for the kind of detailed plan we'd get from an advisor whom we hire; I'm looking for short, quite general, common sense answers (such as "These ONE OR TWO types of instruments are good/bad; all others are to be avoided/considered.") I'm also looking for as many answers as I can get. In order to get that assortment of answers, I want to disclose only a very few specific things about the folks: 1. they currently rent an apartment; they do not own a home. 2. they are in their 80s--relatively healthy and can drive, shop, take care of themselves, but I'm not sure how long that'll last. I'd like to see them in a retirement community within a couple years. 3. Their only income (which doesn't amount to much) is social security. 4. They lose about $2,100 in total expenses every month. That's just about equal to what they take in each month. 5. Their one and only significant asset is a liquid $250,000. Okay, at their age, and considering all the above, WHAT IS/ARE THE MOST PRACTICAL THING(s) THEY SHOULD DO WITH THAT LUMP OF LIQUID MONEY? THANK YOU from their worried adult child with a family of my own!
posted by losdavos on Oct 24, 2013 - 14 answers

how to cope with an omnipresent ex-girlfriend?

my SO's ex-girlfriend is pretty much always around. i thought i was cool with it, and philosophically, i want to be cool with it... but it's seriously starting to grate on my nerves. how to deal? [more inside]
posted by humiliated_grape on Oct 22, 2013 - 26 answers

Urgent family illness and academic deadline

I have a complicated relationship with my family. An elderly relative is dying in the next few weeks. I have an extremely important deadline coming up. I need help in coping. [more inside]
posted by 3491again on Oct 16, 2013 - 8 answers

No really, I don't want to do that... ever...

I am a 31 year old woman and newly married. I have a kick ass husband who also came with a kick ass stepson that I love to death and with whom I have a great relationship. I have no desire to have a bio-kid, especially now that I have a step son. I have had many comments from people about how I am going to change my mind about not wanting more kids, a lot of “Uh huh…” comments with ‘knowing’ smug smiles, sort of like when a 6 year old boy says that he will never ever kiss a girl, eww that is gross. Are they likely right, or are they being assholes? How do I deal with this? [more inside]
posted by PuppetMcSockerson on Oct 16, 2013 - 65 answers

Where should I live?

Looking for a home in a gay marriage state. [more inside]
posted by ohsnapdragon on Oct 14, 2013 - 50 answers

miss manners: government shutdown edition

How can I, a government employee, tactfully field ribs about being furloughed? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 10, 2013 - 38 answers

How to gracefully not attend a wedding this weekend?

I said I would go to my cousin's wedding this weekend. I am on my second day home sick with a massive cold and just don't think I'll be up to it... [more inside]
posted by JoannaC on Oct 10, 2013 - 59 answers

Is it my place to be the one telling people about what this guy did?

I came across a news article that revealed that someone I used to be acquainted with was convicted for production and distribution of child pornography. He toured the churches of his denomination with a music group for many years. As a former member of that faith, with friends and family members still active, and someone who was not directly effected by what he did, is it my place to be the one let people people know about this? If so, what is an appropriate way to do that? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 9, 2013 - 18 answers

How to break big career change to the parents?

I want to get a PhD in clinical psychology and be a therapist (or maybe an MSW or other similar degree). I'm very well informed about this decision and have already learned a great deal about the field through personal study. Here's the catch: I don't know how to explain it to my parents. I scored very well on the LSAT, and my lawyer dad loves the idea of my being a lawyer. Plus, I've become interested in psychology through my personal therapy, which they know nothing about. Any advice on how to break it to them that I want a different career that seems to come out of left field? How do I explain WHY I want to be a therapist? I'm 27, they think I'm settled on becoming a lawyer, and they are entirely unaware that I have any interest in psychology. Help?!
posted by anonymous on Oct 6, 2013 - 15 answers

Cutting off abusive parents AFTER they have tried to make amends?

My parents were abusive for over a decade of my life, profoundly and in many ways permanently impacting my physical health and emotional and social well-being. Since that time, they have apologized, but I am still incredibly angry and hurt by the choices they made. Could cutting off contact help me move on? Mefites who have been in similar situations, please share your experiences and suggestions for healing. More details below. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 46 answers

Help me handle a tricky family situation.

My sister-in-law is doesn't hang out with my kids and my mother-in-law thinks it's my fault. How do I defuse the situation? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 29, 2013 - 31 answers

Wow, it's beautiful, please can I take it back?

For a sentimental family occasion, my inlaws got me a very sweet present of some expensive jewelry-- after being told very clearly that I don't like expensive jewelry and don't really wear it. How terrible would it be (politically, ethically, relationally) if I were to return the item in question to the store? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 24, 2013 - 60 answers

Need a Seattle family photographer

Looking for a Seattle photographer than can shoot some quirky outdoor family photos for us. [more inside]
posted by dw on Sep 23, 2013 - 6 answers

How to not let a mean family member (and people in general) get to me?

I have an extended family member that likes to poke fun at me - I consider the fun to be mean spirited, he doesn't. He doesn't let up, and it makes me dread family gatherings, because I know that I will get peppered with rude comments (about what I'm wearing, my sexuality, etc.). I have a hard time knowing what to say in response, and I find this to be the case when dealing with many people that I would consider to be "assholes". How to cope and not let myself get scared away from events by people like him? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 21, 2013 - 62 answers

Please stop making me take sides

How can I navigate the breakup of my close friend with my sister, which is still causing problems years later? I’m caught in the middle trying to be friends with both and it’s very frustrating! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 20, 2013 - 44 answers

How can I help my brother?

A few years ago I posted here to ask for help after having my identity stolen by my mother. It turns out that this has now happened to my younger brother as well, but he isn't being smart about it. How can I help him? [more inside]
posted by delicate_dahlias on Sep 17, 2013 - 12 answers

Looking for a simple divorce solution in PDX area

Paperwork makes me droolingly stupid. I have taken a stab at doing the divorce paperwork myself, but it always ends up crumpled up on the floor. The parenting plan business (required by Multnomah county) was the easy part. I am looking for someone who will handle the paperwork and filing and just get it done with. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 16, 2013 - 3 answers

We have the budget. Now let's analyze.

Last year, my SO posted this question about making a budget for our family. Your answers were very helpful. August 31 was the last day of our first budget year, and we did pretty well. But we wondered what are good ratios or metrics to gauge just how well we did and where we need to improve. [more inside]
posted by 5845(f)(1)(D) on Sep 6, 2013 - 4 answers

Selling my car without getting any money.. How to protect myself?

For reasons that were mutually beneficial at face value, I sold my car to my SO's parent. However, therein lies the problem.. any way to get myself in a better situation than the one I've inadvertently gotten myself into without realizing the full ramifications of my decision? [more inside]
posted by lunastellasol on Sep 5, 2013 - 23 answers

How can I make my mother see she needs to see a psychologist?

Hi all, I don't live at home anymore, as I studied abroad, but frequently come home during holidays. During such return visit, and the ocassional visit by my family, I always get a good taste of my mother's uglier side. I dont want to diagnose her myself, but can say that her bipolar and control freakish behaviour is affecting the whole family (my father and brother) for as long as I can remember. I would dare to even describe it as abusive; minor problems like a dirty plate forgotten on a kitchen counter can escalate into agressive full blown shout out, and in general there were moments where I really had to remind myself that, whoa, this is my mother. [more inside]
posted by ahtlast93 on Aug 31, 2013 - 13 answers

Treating for Lice

Daycare texted that son has nits. He was itching his head so much she took him to the doc office, and he most definitely tested positive. Best and fastest treatment possible, especially for a kid incredibly sensory defensive about his head? [more inside]
posted by zizzle on Aug 29, 2013 - 34 answers

What to do if the “butt out, do nothing" is not the right answer?

What’s the best way to sensitively encourage someone with (potential) mental and financial difficulties to get help? Complex family situation – snowflake inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 28, 2013 - 7 answers

how can an introvert infiltrate a tight-knit group of super-socializers?

my SO of about a year has a very large family that is heavily into socializing, and i'm an introvert. can we peacefully coexist? [more inside]
posted by humiliated_grape on Aug 28, 2013 - 20 answers

Mom, I'm breaking up with you.

I grew up in an abusive household, and severed ties with my abusive father after moving out. Over the years, I cut off more of the family because they didn't understand why I couldn't forgive and make up with my father. (They also had their own drama). But I've staying in touch with my mother, though at arm's length. I'm now seeing she wasn't the "good guy" in all this, or maybe a lifetime of being in a terrible relationship made her unbearable. I've made the decision I don't want her in my life, but I'm not sure what the best way to make it happen. [more inside]
posted by [insert clever name here] on Aug 26, 2013 - 20 answers

Do you know any California vacation rental spots in modest locations?

My large family (it's going to be between 10 and 14 people - not sure yet) wants to gather for a few days at Christmastime. Money is an issue for some of us and so we can't do more than three nights. Understandably, most of the available rentals that would accommodate a group our size are in high demand areas, and they want a longer holiday stay than we can afford (and in many cases more money per night.) The thing is, we can be totally flexible with location. Anywhere in California between, say, Santa Rosa and San Luis Obispo would be fine, as long as it isn't snowy in December (ruling out the Tahoe area.) [more inside]
posted by fingersandtoes on Aug 24, 2013 - 11 answers

Family drama plus holidays = awesome.

I come from a generally easygoing family which lately has developed a schism between a family member and his immediate family, and because of this a holiday invitation has created drama. [more inside]
posted by ricochet biscuit on Aug 21, 2013 - 13 answers

Baby Maybe?

Considering starting a family but what happens when baby comes? Do I stay home and he works? Does he stay home and I work? Snowflake details inside, basically help me evaluate my options. [more inside]
posted by quietta on Aug 18, 2013 - 29 answers

How do I reduce my feelings of guilt and anxiety?

These feelings are with food and my mother mainly. My eating disorder started in 2010 when I was living with my alcoholic mum and her abusive boyfriend for a few months to try to get her to leave and start a new life elsewhere. Since then it has gotten out of hand, I lost around 20 pounds and gained almost 40 in a year. [more inside]
posted by lovisa91 on Aug 18, 2013 - 16 answers

Stop calling me, dad

How do I discourage my needy dad's constant texts and phone calls? And / or how do I stop feeling pressured by them? Difficulty: Without having a heart to heart conversation about it. [more inside]
posted by Omnomnom on Aug 12, 2013 - 46 answers

Han I explain social anxiety to my parents?

My significant other has social anxiety. I think my parents take it personally. How can I explain this is not about them? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 11, 2013 - 20 answers

Resources to help my SO deal with emotionally abusive parents

I'm a Northern American living in a southern European country and married with a child to a local. My husband is a wonderful partner and father, and the textbook definition of someone who will give you the shirt off his back if you need it. Said Southern European country is very much family orientated. For all intents and purposes I think that's generally a fine thing. My in-laws are a horrible source of counterpoint ancedata and their latest outburst has been the proverbial straw across my back. I need resources and information to help me support my SO as well as help him take the final few steps to admitting to himself that they are abusing his sense of familial responsibility and overall caring nature. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2013 - 13 answers

How do I teach my kid to smile for pictures?

My child is 7 and when he was younger, had no trouble smiling (or looking serious) for pictures. But now he gives a horrible grimace...thing. He's been at camp all summer and they take pictures of the kids and post them on Flickr. Paging through it is painful. Cute kid, cute kid...oh hey, my kid with a frightening stretched-face chimp-grimace and slitted eyes. Every fucking picture. It looks like a sneer. [more inside]
posted by emjaybee on Aug 3, 2013 - 34 answers

Find my family

Mom just passed away and we've lost touch with her brother's family (my cousins). I know their home town and their names but not much else. How do you find lost family?
posted by jabo on Jul 30, 2013 - 13 answers

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