Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with experience

In general, what does it feel like to be loved?

LogicalDash — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 04:42:38 -0800

In general, what does it feel like to be loved? I am an autistic man trying to build better mental models for emotional states. I'm using functional models because I can still understand them when I can't relate them to my own experience, which is rather a lot of the time. I may appreciate other kinds of models as well, supposing I can understand those.

My model for love is that it's what motivates people to improve one another's lives. Precisely what that means depends on what you think a good life is--when you love someone, you'll try to make their life more that way. It's better if you and your loved-one agree on what a good life is, and to that effect, healthy loving relationships require negotiation on how to define good life.

In symmetric loving relationships--those where the power is distributed more or less equally, created and maintained by the consent of those involved--loving and being-loved could well be one and the same, but a lot of loving relationships aren't like that. In particular, parent-child relations are hardly ever symmetric like that.

So there's some other emotion, often also called "love," which doesn't particularly motivate anything, which is the result of being loved by someone else. I've heard it described in terms similar to those for safety, security, and contentment. Most of the time, when my parents try to help me improve my life, I feel utterly terrified.

They are not abusive! They are sincere in their desire to help me live in whatever way makes me happy, and are patient in trying to understand what way that is, which is good because I don't understand it so well myself. I have to trust them to guess right about what I need.

They've earned that, I think, but trusting anyone with something so important is so unpleasant for me that I can't conceive of what would make a person want it. I need it, so I can understand why people seek love out, but there is also some kind of emotional appeal to the experience that seems not to exist for me.

So my functional model for the emotion, "being loved," is that it's what motivates people to stay in loving relationships longer than they need to, longer than they feel obliged to, and not because they would feel bad about leaving the relationship--that sounds more like fear to me.

For most other emotions I've encountered, I've been able to find something or other in my own experience that motivated me in a roughly similar way. I've acted out of love for someone else before. But I don't think I have ever acted out of a desire to be loved.

So what's it like?

Apply first and then approach, or approach and then apply?

Atticus Swanson — Mon, 13 May 2013 18:36:46 -0800

Help me time and properly approach a senior member of our staff to become their full time assistant. I'm an intern with an organization in DC. I've been there for about three months part time, and was just given the nod to stay on through the summer full time or until I find a job (They know I'm searching.)

Over the last week, half of my duties have been with a specific individual in a different wing helping her manage the visits of foreign government officials. Today, A job posting went up to work below her as the assistant to her office.

I think it's pretty clear what they were doing sending me over to her for a trial run. I'm afraid that due to finals week, my transition from part time to full time, and the influx of work I've had put on my shoulders I haven't been my best, even if I was getting all of my work done.

I'm not perfectly qualified for the position, but I do fit a lot of the criteria. I want to apply.

That all said, My question - Do I just approach her and say "I saw the job posting, would you be willing to consider me during this time as a potential applicant and I will be submitting my resume soon" or, do I submit my resume and then approach her and say "I submitted my resume for this position, would you be willing to use our time working together now as a consideration?" OR - do I wait until after this event we're setting up, if everything goes well, and then apply?

Fab 40th?

t0astie — Thu, 09 May 2013 17:47:59 -0800

Help me decide what to do for my 40th birthday! I am turning 40 in mid-August and would like (love!) to do something a bit special and experiential rather than receive something material. I’m also in a massive rut and would love to do something new and different that I haven’t thought of. I crave new experiences and ideas and these have been in short supply due to various personal and medical pressures over the last 12 months. I’ve had a few thoughts, but none of them have really made me think YES that’s EXACTLY what I want to do. AskMe, can you offer some inspiration, either around my existing ideas, or something completely fresh I haven’t considered? There are a few difficulties and restrictions. Money is available but it’s not unlimited. I’m currently going through some serious medical stuff which is really sapping my energy, limiting my ability to do anything physically taxing, and is unlikely to be resolved by August (or indeed by next August). The medical issues are also expensive (although as I live in Australia only painfully, not catastrophically so thank goodness). Also, I live in a remote area, so most ‘experiences’ are a ten hour round trip somewhere else. And I’m committed to a lot of ten hour trips already because of the medical stuff. Fuel and accommodation do add to the expense quite considerably. The day’s drive each way also detracts from the time available to do the actual thing. Whatever it might be.

Things I’ve ruled out for reasons of medical treatment, resultant tiredness/mental fog and other associated issues like special diet:
Skydiving.
Epic hike
Food and wine adventure
Overseas or interstate holiday
Class in something fun and visual (photography or printmaking)

Things I’ve ruled out for reasons of feeling a bit too same-y or to tied to the rut I’m in:
Local holiday
Fancy cooking class. I’ve always wanted to do this, but it just feels so… tied to my regular boring life where I’m (to my considerable dissatisfaction) the one responsible for cooking in our house. This sort of feels like something I’d rather do with my partner to encourage him to do more cooking!

Possibilities (but everything is expensive and takes a lot of time)
Week alone where I just have some space to… think to myself. Along the lines of Bill Gates “Think Week”. My god this one is attractive. My only worry is that I would ‘waste’ it. Would ideally be somewhere very very quiet, no tv, no phone, no email, no internet, no books. Just me and a pen and paper? But also somewhere where I don’t have to cook for myself.

Also, I’m already going on a week-long meditation retreat with my husband in July. Might this just feel like… more of the same?

Things I like:
Books, movies, alone time. New ideas, new places, travel. Art, design (to look at). Photography (to look at and to do). Board games! Low-key exercise and fitness – lots of walking, yoga, swimming, biking, short (5k) hikes.

Things I don’t like:
Planes and boats (I get horribly motion sick.)
Intense, physically competitive or dangerous stuff like sky-diving or bungee jumping.
Loud live music and concerts (although I do love music, prefer sit-down listen to Bach than stand up and headbang to Motley Crue.)
Crowds of people (I like people, but I’m a bit fragile at the moment and socialising is exhausting)
Gardening, cooking, cleaning and housework.

I really want to do something special, but I’m just stumped. Can you suggest anything fresh I haven’t thought of? Or a fresh take on something I have thought of but am not totally sold on?

Oh, Benjamin.

Anonymous — Mon, 06 May 2013 12:49:50 -0800

"And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson..."Can you help me become a more effective sexual mentor? We are an early thirties woman and twenty-something man forging ahead into a casual sexual relationship under the explicit understanding that the much more sexually experienced woman would help guide a shy guy with limited sexual experience (not a virgin, just a few partners). Absolutely no strings attached, however great conversation has already taken place and one night together thus far, so far so good, we're very comfortable with each other as two human beings.

We've talked about giving feedback (during and afterwards), things we'd both like to explore, STIs/protection, etc. but I've searched far and wide for information helping me be a better teacher, no luck with the web or Dan Savagesque resources. The basic premise of this project being more experience for him with what he likes and what a woman (n=1) likes, increased confidence in his performance and well, a mutually satisfying continued sexual relationship for both of us.

I realize this is very broad, but how can I take on this role more effectively? I'm super excited about it, and would love to learn how to be good at this kind of mentoring.

Birthday ideas, part one billion.

sockpuppet yo — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 08:56:55 -0800

I never thought I'd be someone asking for birthday ideas on MetaFilter, but here I am, asking for birthday ideas on MetaFilter. Please hit me with your best gift and/or Denver-specific experience/venue ideas. Subject is a photographer/techie/welding/motorcycle-riding/music-making/whiskey-drinking manly creative type turning 32. In a week! Problems:

1) He has lots of hobbies and enthusiasms, but they're all incredibly specific and he has way more knowledge about them than me. I wouldn't be likely to give him something photo- or music-related where he hasn't already researched and picked out (and probably purchased for himself) the exact perfect thing already.

2) I just moved to this city and I don't really know what might be fun to do. I'd love to get a group of his friends together for something fun and experience-based. Ideas I've already had:
- A private sushi class at Izakaya-Den (but they don't do Friday nights, and I'd really like to do something ON his birthday, which is next Friday).
- A private tour at Stranahan's (but that seems cheesy and kind of corporate? Anyone done it?)
- A booze and art kind of thing? Like, figure drawing and drinking? Where would I go for this? Hopefully it would be something cool and vibe-y, not cheesy or too craftsy.
- Calling up a bar like Williams & Graham, finding out if it would be possible to design a night of whiskey cocktails for a handful of people. Short notice, though, yikes.

If you're a Denverite, he's generally a Highland Tavern, Black Eye Coffee kind of guy but interested in all kinds of things.

Any other ideas for fun interactive food or creative experiences or classes that might be likely to be going on on a Friday night? Realistically, top budget is $500, which we'd spread out over several people.

3) If I do get him a GIFT gift, it will probably be something I make or maybe something related to his latest THING, which is motorcycles. He just bought his friend's old Honda and got his license. Possible ideas involve badass boots or gloves or...something else motorcycle-riding people need? I don't know. I don't know how to explain the bike style/subculture he's into, I guess it's kind of the adventurer/waxed canvas/flasks/beards thing? This little short movie is his pornography. What would, for example, be the coolest possible boots I could give him for say ~$250?

Ack! Any ideas much appreciated!

How do I get a job in San Francisco with a paper-thin resume?

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 08:23:31 -0800

I'll try to make this brief. I recently turned 23, and due to a combination of drugs and depression since getting out of high school I have essentially no work experience. This makes responding to job postings very frustrating and humiliating as my resume feels like a complete joke. The only work I've done is give piano lessons to a few students from 2010 to the middle of last year, and I worked as one of those sign waving people over the summer but got fired after a few weeks, so I feel like putting such a short stint on my resume is more of a liability than an asset. I don't have many references either, unless I ask some people to completely lie for me. But I hate lying, not because I'm some especially moral and virtuous person; I'm just lazy and it's hard to keep track of lies, and I find being honest to be more easy, but I can't help but feel sometimes that being honest is for suckers. It sucks because yeah, I made some unwise decisions and kinda dicked around for a while but now I'm really trying to become a productive member of society and it seems no one is willing to take a chance on someone like me. But I digress...

I guess I'll list some of my skills/assets:

I can play piano pretty well, and I gave lessons for a while but as I mentioned previously, based on the lack of responses to the applications I send out being self-employed doesn't mean a whole lot to HR people.

I completed just about two years of community college (focusing on music), no degree though.

I am fluent in HTML, CSS, JavaScript and PHP (like just about every other person in San Francisco, where I live).

So many job postings I see require a year, two years minimum experience, so in a nutshell my question for the hive mind is, besides just outright lying about having a degree, previous jobs, etc, how can I get a job (or 'how can I get income' is what I suppose I'm really asking) without any workplace experience? I haven't done any volunteering either, and no exhortations to see a therapist, please. I don't have a car so I can't easily travel very far outside the city either.

Resume Advice - My 3rd most recent job was for a notorious criminal

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 09:12:45 -0800

I'm updating my resume and having a bit of a tough time deciding what to do about a questionable business/boss who was one of my most recent jobs. An ex-boss stole a lot of money, and used it to prop up the business I was working for (among other things). They were caught, tried, and convicted. Recently the business closed, which generated more ill will in the community, as there were a number of clients who had funds on account.

In other words, it's poisonous (at least locally) on my resume. And it's been a number of years since I worked there, but it is the 3rd most recent chronologically. Problem is, I worked there for 8 years. Was a manager. I did a little bit of everything for them, and have a lot of experience from them that would be directly applicable to many of the sorts of jobs I'd be applying for. I can answer any questions that come up as part of any potential interviews, but am afraid that this will bump me out of consideration for many employers just because of proximity to impropriety.

I can fall back on previous jobs, and leave the large gap. Then I'd have to explain the gap. They're more of career 1.0 though, the bad one was filler and now I'm trying to start career 2.0. So should I list it, or not?

More Like This Please

Miko — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 18:01:57 -0800

Last week I finally saw Sleep No More and cannot stop thinking about it. I want more immersive theatre and exploration. What other experiences are like it? I'm very interested in event production and the arts in general, and was just really in awe of the strong, highly detailed atmospherics and the otherworldliness of the experience. I spent a lot of time simply exploring the sets and taking in the music and lighting, enjoying the opportunity to be completely immersed in a fictional environment. I've read about the company that developed it and will track their future activities, but I wondered: what other kinds of experience might I find similar to it?

Note: Though I'm aware that fantasy environments not dissimilar to SNM's are easy enough to find in the world of sex play, that's not the aspect of the performance I'm interested in, so would no follow up on any sex club/event recommendations. Also not all that interested in ghost tours/haunted houses.

It could be that SNM is just that unique, but it would be great to learn about anything with a similar vibe.

Got a job cleaning hotel rooms. Said I had references and experience. I don't. Help.

Anonymous — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 12:20:55 -0800

Got a job cleaning hotel rooms. Said I had references and experience. I have neither. Help. I've never lied to get a job before, but finances have deteriorated such that I need cash, now. I'm expected to show up Tuesday, knowing how to clean hotel rooms and with references in hand. Help me not lose this job before I start it.

If you've been a housekeeper, what kind of things are common knowledge? Am I expected to bring my own supplies? How long is cleaning a room supposed to take/what needs to be done?

I don't want my friends or my day job to know things are this desperate, so what do I do about references? I expect they just want to know I'll show up on time and won't steal shit, and I obviously won't. Now what?

Work experience now or later?

Autumn — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 18:51:53 -0800

Future healthcare-administration graduate: Should I try to get administrative experience while I'm in school or stick with patient-care jobs for now? I recently posted a question asking about career options. I decided to go the Healthcare Admin route. I looked up some job postings and most require a degree AND experience.

I'll have the degree part down in a few years. I recently took an STNA course to help with my job search, but now I'm wondering if it's better to look for an administrative job - not necessarily in healthcare, just any administrative job - so that by the time I graduate I'll have the experience part down.

Here are my options as I see them:
1) Remain in the patient-care part of healthcare until I graduate. I'm happiest with this option in the short-term but I'm also worried that I'll graduate and not have the necessary experience to move into an administrative position.
2) Work as an STNA and volunteer with administrative duties. I'm worried this won't hold enough weight because I won't be able to volunteer much and work at the same time; I'm guessing a few hours a week at most.
3) Look for admin/admin assistant/clerical jobs so that by the time I graduate I'll have the experience and the degree. I'm kind of meh on this option because I don't want to leave the STNA field, but I also know once I graduate I want to have the qualifications to do something else. I also worry that since the administrative work likely won't be healthcare-specific this won't really count.

If you hire in the healthcare admin area or you have experience in it, what would you suggest? Most of the healthcare administration positions I was looking at required 2-5 years of experience and I'm worried that once I graduate I'll still have to start over with an entry-level admin position that I'm qualified for now. My foot is in the door in the healthcare area but is it better to focus on administrative duties for now?

Thank you in advance for any insight.

OMG how come you don't complete tasks in exactly the same manner I would?

Anonymous — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 07:37:31 -0800

I am an inexperienced manager with one experienced employee and one inexperienced employee working under me. We are in a technical field; I do some of the technical work, but it is very time-consuming, so they are meant to be extra 'hands' and free me to do planning and analysis of the team's work. What are reasonable expectations to have of them and how can I ensure they meet these reasonable expectations? I have always had an assistant or two to help me, but this is the first job where I have multiple FTEs and a huge project that requires multiple FTEs instead of my doing most of the work, and the assistant filling in gaps parttime. I didn't expect the dynamic of the two of them working together (in my absence) to affect things so much, but I think part of this difficulty is their own individual snowflakiness (see below).

One of my teammembers actually has more hands-on experience in the technical skills we are doing than I do, but somehow she is slower than me at getting these tasks done and gets disorganized sometimes. I try to communicate that this is not ok, but I either feel like I am wounding her (because she gets very flustered) or I feel like she doesn't know how to avoid the disorganzation (because she doesn't improve). She generally finishes things well, but often much slower than I would have expected. Also, she has trouble incorporating the computer into her work, and it has to happen.

The other teammember is a temp and is much younger and less experienced than both of us, but is a quick learner. Her lack of experience means that she doesn't always understand the bigger picture, and that would be fine because I am happy to guide her every task. However, her 'quickness' means that she sometimes skips ahead/alters how things are done and/or demands explanations, when what I really want is just that my directions be followed. I don't have kids but her tone with me in demanding explanations reminds me greatly of my nieces and nephews arguing with their parents...saying reasonable things but being defiant.

I do spend a lot of time explaining things to these guys; I find our project really interesting and it would be great if my team could contribute more to the bigger picture. Sometimes, they do actually have good ideas. However, we are getting so stuck on day-to-day tasks that I regret talking about anything else, because it seems to distract and confuse my more experienced employee and it seems to falsely empower the less experienced one. Then, sometimes, it seems like they talk about things amongst themselves and cause this effect to an even greater degree.

They both seem like very nice people and I enjoy their company otherwise, but I am basically climbing the walls waiting for the slow one to finish whatever and pulling my hair out when I find things done not-quite-right by the other (yes, these small details do actually matter). With many tasks, we have gotten to a place where we're getting things done effectively, but most of these successes have been long and cost me a lot of frustration. And even where things are going ok, they're going slower than if I were to do the tasks that they do. Everytime we need to do something new, I am more and more tempted to just do it myself, but I should be working on my own planning and analytical work. I also find myself comparing them to their peers on other teams and thinking how much better the project would be going if only I had a better team (I had no part in picking my team, btw, and only limited abilities to change it). I suspect some of my angst must be irrational and caused my relentless ambition and satisfaction in meeting goals. I recognize that giving me the team that I have is my company's responsibility and so maybe, results will not be what they could have been, but they are what they are. FWIW, my higherups have expressed nothing but satisfaction wtih our progress; I am a basket case though. How do I make sure that it's not me being a bad instructor/manager that's holding my team back? How do I know when they're not doing well enough versus when I'm expecting too much?

Reapplying to a job you're still underqualified for?

glache — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 23:15:12 -0800

I applied for a job requiring 18 months' experience and was rejected (at that point, I had 9 months' experience). I fitted all other criteria. The same job has popped up again, and I now have 15 months' experience. I still fit all other criteria (the requirements for both positions are exactly the same) Should I reapply?

Research experience for grad school

Rocket Surgeon — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 16:25:39 -0800

As an undergrad looking to apply to grad school, I have been looking into getting some research experience in my field (Psychology) for all the obvious reasons. I possibly have a lead and now a question. Sent an email to a major university, where a major researcher in my field resides, inquiring about an internship/volunteer position that . Fortunately, I recieved a reply that included "send me a copy of your unofficial transcripts, your CV and a brief statement (a paragraph or two) on why you are interested in our lab in particular."

So what should I include in my CV? Also, I've had a couple of false starts over the years, should I include all my transcripts?

Other possibly pertinent info - I do not attend this school, but rather another college through a satellite school. Please feel free to ask if any other info might be needed.

What is your experience of escorting, first or second-hand?

Anonymous — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 20:04:24 -0800

A close friend thinks she might try working as an escort, and I'm worried that my reaction to this is based on limited and biased information. Do you have first or second-hand experience of this? I don't want this question to be about how I should advise her (she has asked for my take on it, just to prevent the "butt out" comments!), because I'm trying to balance my own take on it before I discuss it with her.

The context is that she is from a middle-class background but is giving up a high-stress job to try and start her own company in her chosen field. In the meantime, she needs to keep afloat, and is considering working as an escort for a while.

All I have to base my own views on are two very distant perspectives - on the one hand, the glamorous Belle De Jour-style image we get from the TV, on the other hand, the women I met at the homeless shelter I used to work at, who came to homelessness through drugs and to drugs through prostitution.

I've asked this anonymously because I have mefite friends and don't want my friend to be identified by them. However I set up a sock account to collect replies (couldn't ask the question with it due to the time-delay) here: http://www.metafilter.com/user/162057 for people who might want not want to reply in the public thread. Sincere thanks to anyone willing to share whatever their experiences may be.

I'm job hunting again and it isn't going well.

Autumn — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 14:45:38 -0800

What can a high school graduate with no college experience do to pad her resume? I quit my jobs around a month ago because of personal issues going on in my life. I've been searching for a new job for around a month now, and the only bite I've had has been from for a sales position that didn't work out.

Most of the jobs I've applied for only required me to send in my resume. I've sent out many copies and can count the number of responses I've gotten on one hand.

What are some attractive qualifications, certificates, diplomas, volunteer work, etc I can do to increase my chances of finding a job? I don't care what field it's in right now as I'm getting desperate. My only stipulation is that I would prefer it not to be in an area with minimal human contact, because I would go crazy if I had to work by myself most of the time.

My current resume has most of my experience centered in customer service and animal care. The local animal care places aren't interested; one told me he didn't feel he could provide me with the hours/pay I was used to and even though I told him I didn't mind he seemed skeptical. There was one company in that field that were incredibly interested until they found out I'd have to relocate 3 hours away. I told them I didn't mind doing that (I really didn't!) but they stopped responding, their tone before that seemed to be that it really wasn't the type of job worth moving for. So, I think that my previous experience is keeping me out of that field right now.

The customer service jobs I've applied to just don't seem to be interested at all. Not sure why. I'm not discriminatory in where I apply either; McDonalds, Taco Bell, Burger King, wherever.

That's enough rambling... hopefully it's all relevant. I'm an early twenties female. My highest education level is high school, no internships, extracurricular activities, clubs, awards, anything. My resume basically consists of work experience and volunteer work at an animal shelter. Please help?

Can I spend £1k doing something useful in exotic supply chains?

citands — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 11:02:40 -0800

Volunteering abroad; three week Supply-Chain-project filter I've been given a great opportunity to write a pitch for a no-strings £1,000 grant to use in 'self improvement'. This is something being offered by my employer, and there's no guarantee I'll get it, but I'd like to give it a damn good go.

My long-term career goal is to work for Medecins Sans Frontiere or similar organisation, setting up emergency supply chains following 'big events'. I've worked in Logistics, Supply Chain and Production for seven years (good start!) and have experience of managing people and projects. I'd like to get some wider experience towards my ultimate goal.

I am also desperate for a holiday.

I'd like to join these two things and pitch for the grant to work in somewhere like South East Asia for a couple of weeks, following it up with a holiday (at my own expense).

I am struggling to find any specialised companies to volunteer with.
If anyone has any specific recommendations that fit my requirements, that would make me so happy.

I would
- like my expertise to be really useful - so, a mini project?
- be able to spin this to my company as a 'career development' scenario
- like it to actually be career development
- like it to be safe for a single white female
- have up to four weeks to do this thing in

I would not
- want to be a burden on an already difficult situation (and am nervous about the language barrier)
- expect to be paid
- be phased about going anywhere alone
- have any linguistic skills to offer, so need to go somewhere where I can make myself understood in English
- want to teach English
- mind staying in the UK/Europe

TL:DR
Have you volunteered abroad using specialist skills for a short amount of time?

How did you find these opportunities?

Am I wasting my time without a second language?

Thanks in advance, AskMe!

A Rose by Any Other etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

vivid postcard — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 14:21:15 -0800

In your subjective experience, would you say that you have been treated differently after going by a different name? How so? Tell me Let's just say that my name is Jeanne Odette Harvey. I've always, since birth, introduced myself as, and responded to, Jeanne. No nicknames, since my name doesn't lend itself to any, no pseudonyms, no cutesy aliases - just Jeanne. I've always been very curious to see what would happen if I were to start going by Odette. Would people treat me differently? Would my subjective experience of my relationships, new and old, change? Would there be some undeniable, concrete shift in how others treated me? I thought about introducing myself as Odette to the new people I meet, but never got around to it, because I thought it might become confusing (with half my acquaintances knowing me as Jeanne Harvey, and half as Odette Harvey). But it's still an issue that, for whatever idiosyncratic reason, intrigues me.

Have you ever gone by one name much of your adult life, then switched to another (in a situation analogous to the one above)? If so, could you answer the following questions:

1. Would you say that, in your experience, people treated you differently based upon which name you used? How so? What did that difference look like?

2. If you do feel that you were treated differently, what do you think explains it? I already have some friends and relatives who switched over to shorter names, or adopted names, to avoid the hassle of dealing with the omg your name is so unique and foreign and hard to spell! set, but I am interested in hearing all explanations, for all situations.

3. Did you experience some difference, but feel that it something grounded in your subjective experience, or in how you interacted with the world under you new name? How so?

4. Do you think I should just go ahead with my little experiment, giving poor, unused Odette a chance to shine in the sun? Or will going by two names with two different sets of people be too convoluted and, frankly, weird?

Thanks; this questions seems a bit random, and possibly a tad frivolous, but is one that I've thought about off-and-on for a while (though never acted on). I'm totally cool with hearing whether you've experienced different reactions after a change to a last name (such as after marriage), but, truthfully, I am more interested in hearing about first name changes and the differences experienced. Or not. It's all good, though.

Help me prepare for a job hunt with little work experience.

tokaidanshi — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 20:57:42 -0800

Lots of life experience/education, not so much work experience. Help me get ready to get a job. Hi all. I'm a 30 year old man currently finished with my 1st year of a 2 year Master's program in International Relations. I don't have a great resume prior to entering grad school. How can I minimize this and what should I be doing in my second year of school to put myself in the best position to get a good job when I finish my degree next summer?

Background: I moved overseas (Japan) when I was 24, and the original plan was to teach for a year or two and then come back to the states for grad school, but I ended up staying significantly longer. This was partially because I was enjoying life as an expat English teacher, and partially because after my second year of teaching English, the 2008 financial crisis hit and it seemed like a bad time to quit my job and go back to the states. Long story short, I taught English in a variety of different settings and didn't get into a grad program until I was 29 and about to turn 30. About 6 months before coming back to grad school, I did manage to land a "real" job, working at a web development company where I helped coordinate user experience research projects with companies from abroad looking to do research in Japan. It was good experience, and I actually wish that I hadn't quit at times, but I had been accepted to a good grad program, and the job started out fairly slow so by the time it picked up and I realized that it would be a good job to stay at, I'd already finalized my plans to go back to school. I've now just finished the 1st year of a degree in international relations, focusing primarily on economics and international business. I left the web development company on good terms and I'll actually be going back to intern this summer, learning more about the business side of their user experience research division. However, I'm interested in export development, market entry strategies and market analysis, and this internship isn't necessarily directly related to those fields. Ideally I'd either like to work for a consulting firm that does this kind of work, or for the Commerce department, maybe working for somewhere like the Foreign Commercial Service.

I go to a good grad program, and people in my program do get these types of jobs coming out, but some of them have more extensive relevant work experience, or they're a bit younger and went straight through school. What I'm hoping is that, at worst, potential employers will view me on the same level as the people in my program who went straight through school and have little relevant work experience. I am a bit worried though, that they might look at my resume and wonder what the hell I was doing teaching English for so long.

Is this going to be a problem? I already have some ideas that I hope will help polish up my resume during this next year. There are businesses in my area that are looking to expand into Asian markets, so I'm going to try and do some market analysis/export strategy work for them over the course of next year. Any other ideas, ways that I can improve my resume, or things that I need to be thinking about as I prepare to find a job next summer? Thanks!

Unemployed, looking for an adventure

Kamelot123 — Fri, 18 May 2012 12:05:23 -0800

I'm 26 year old guy recently returned from teaching in Japan, out of a job, and looking for a new adventure. Hey all! This is my first question on AskMe. (TL;dr version down below)

Some backstory:

I am a 26 year old American guy who recently finished a 2-year stint teaching English in Japan. I have had an interest in Japan for as long as I can remember, and majored in the language in college (with an English minor).

I got a lot out of the experience - I learned how to speak Japanese fluently, discovered a lot about myself, and made some good friends. I also have about $10,000 saved up with all of my student loans paid off.

During my time in Japan, I did some traveling and realized how much exploring and learning more about different languages/cultures appeals to me.

So, I am back at home now (in Ohio), and realize that the wanderlust hasn't left me just yet. I just can't see myself settling down in a regular job at this point in time, even though doing so seems like the logical thing. I want to experience more the world has to offer.

The friends whose lives I admire and aspire to most are those that have taken an off-the-beaten path approach to life, not those with nice houses and high-paying jobs. (One's volunteering in Africa, one's teaching in Korea, one's hiking from Mexico to Canada on the Pacific Crest Trail, one's randomly picking blueberries on a farm, etc).

So I'd love some input from you guys:

I'd like to go on an adventure - see more of the world, and have an experience that I will be able to look back on and tell my grandkids about. Do one of those things you only read about in books.

Also, it feels corny and cliche, but I feel as if I am not my own person yet, and am still trying to "find myself." I had social anxiety and was a bit of a shut-in when I was younger, often preferring to read and play games at home over socializing. I really came out of my shell while I was in college/over in Japan. The more amazing experiences I have and new skills I learn, the more confident I seem to become as an individual. I would like to have another of these journeys.

Preferably this adventure would be in another country, but I'd be open to something interesting in America as well. I'm open to doing something outdoors. Also, preferably something longer-term (at least a few months) is desired. Learning another language or skill along the way would be a plus.

It doesn't have to be a job, but it would be better to have an income - or at least not eat too much into my savings. Then again, I realize that I might not have a chance to do something with absolutely no commitments (job, relationship, otherwise) again, so I am keeping that in mind.

Some ideas I've had so far:

Joining the Peace Corps - with my teaching experience, I think I've got a decent shot of getting in. Plus, I would be getting a stipend and won't have to spend too much money. BUT, applications have already passed for this year, and I don't have the requisite volunteer experience. South America, Africa and Asia all interest me, so I would be fine with pretty much anywhere they could send me.

Sailing - I was reading in another AskMe thread about someone sailing the Pacific. I have always had an interest in the ocean, and sounds like an amazing experience.

Studying abroad - Sounds like a good idea to have time to explore another country, but it would cost some serious moolah.

Backpacking - Possible! But would use up a lot of money. Would love to from people on here regarding their experiences.

As you can see, I am very much up in the air. Any suggestions are open to consideration. The more exotic the suggestion the better.

TL;dr: Suggest to me some once-in-a-lifetime adventures for a guy with no current commitments.

Looking forward to hearing any ideas you guys might have!

PS: I will be back in Japan teaching English part-time from June to the beginning of August, so I have time to plan for whatever I do next.

From grad student to ... marketing-type-guy?

MouseOfHouseofAnony — Tue, 15 May 2012 12:04:21 -0800

[Asking for a colleague filter] Marketing people, how do I jump from academia into your world? "I'm about graduate with a PhD from a well-respected school, but have known for a long time that academia is not for me. I want to try working in marketing / advertising / content management, but know next to nothing about these fields. My background is in the social sciences (quantitative research), but not in a related area. (If I spin it really, really hard, it could come off as having slight relevance.) I have had the several part time administrative office jobs in the past, and some light experience working with databases (but not from a coding perspective).

In terms of the meager marketing-related experience I have: I worked part time for an event firm and (among other tasks) ghostwrote(?) some industry articles meant to both inform readers and promote the business. [Also what is the right term for that? I wrote most of the articles, the boss edited it some, added some content.] I also ran a blog for a few years that reviewed things (no longer active). This entailed dealing with PR teams, participating in a cross-promotional network, and holding an annual fundraiser/contest via the blog.

I think I might be good in the marketing arena because I enjoy trying to create persuasive content, and am pretty social-media savvy. I am a good writer/communicator, and in my grad work, have enjoyed the challenge of putting together presentation materials (e.g., posters, PowerPoints, etc.) that are clear and visually interesting.

1. With my strengths, but with no actual experience/training, should I even bother applying for marketing/content management jobs?

2. If you were to hire me for such a position, what would persuade you to overlook the lack of experience?

3. What can I do (short of another degree or interning for free – no money/time) to increase my chances of getting into the field?

4. Any other advice for this increasingly panic-y post-academic soul? (Resumes, networking, salary expectations, etc?)

Thank you."

Help getting wee bit of CALM, VERNON experience.

aesop — Wed, 09 May 2012 06:12:24 -0800

For a job application- How can I get a little bit of hands on experience of using an archives management system like CALM or VERNON? I live in Bristol, England. I'm applying for a job and experience of using one of these is an essential component.

I reckon I've got most of the skills that would be gained from experiencing these systems anyway: I've got lots of experience using library (not archive) management systems and have set up projects using various content management systems for the web. I'm aware of the use and purpose of diferent metadata schema, and the use/purpose of assorted Authority lists/structures for controlling vocabulary, and the distinctions between those. Created audiovisual/photo collections cobbling together Flickr/Microsoft Expression studio/ horrifying misuse of IPTC. (This last included lots of problem solving pointing towards the things that an archives CMS does more easily.) But... truthfully, I haven't had the chance to use these systems, though I'd probably have kissed them if they'd been available to me at various points. I need to be able to say that I have at least had a wee bit of experience to get past the form-checking process.

Other applicants might well have more experience in this part, but my additional experiences in other areas of the job are a good fit- makes me think it'd be a shame to lose out just because I don't technically have the experience of a particular system.

Alternatively, ways to get past the application checking process to do my stuff in interview and reassure them that a: I get it; b: I have experience of similar stuff; c: (considering me as a candidate for the post) there's loads of added value in other areas.

Do not go gentle into that good night

Anonymous — Tue, 08 May 2012 09:59:00 -0800

What do I need to experience before I die? I have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I am physically healthy at the moment other than mild fatigue, but I may enter a swift decline at any point. I probably have two to five more years, hopefully most of which will be filled with relative health.

There is so much that I haven't experienced. I just turned 30. I've accepted that I'll never have a family or fall in love again. These were the two things I wanted the most. And with those off the table, I'm overwhelmed by everything I haven't done and I want to do as much as I can in the time that I have. But I don't know where to start.

I've always thought the idea of a bucket list was silly but now that my time left is so limited and I'm so young, I think I need one.

So where do I start? There is so much out there and I don't even know about most of it. I want to spend as much time experiencing the most beautiful, transformative, awe-inspiring and humbling things I can, and I need ideas. What have you done that you think I should do? This stupid world is so big and so beautiful and I am going to miss so much and I don't want to waste the time I have. There is so much I don't know. Tell me about the things I don't want to miss.

How to properly organize work history?

delasoull — Tue, 01 May 2012 10:43:44 -0800

Need assistance with resume chronological order of work history. So how do I go about this?

John Jay College: Research Assistant - January 2012 - Present
D Consulting: Intern - May 2009-Present
Whole Foods Market: Customer Service - August 2007 - Present
South Bronx Youth Court Project: August 2011-December 2011

I'm not sure if I should put my South Bronx Youth Court Project work history above D Consulting and Whole Foods since I'm no longer part of the project, but it's more recent than the latter.

Once, twice, three times, maybe

Passillododorconquail Buttonquivorybidododorbacon — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:03:18 -0800

I have been married, my marriage didn't work out. Please share the unique and unexpected concerns you encountered in your second or subsequent marriage(s). The ending of my marriage wasn't a bitter or hostile experience for either of us, but the process generated a lot of stress, paperwork and expenses. I am not soured on the idea of marriage in general, but I find myself wondering if I should consider marrying again in the future, or if I should call it one and done.

I could use some of your hindsight, but I don't want this to be an open-ended chatfilter-type question. Instead, I'd like to ask those of you who have been married twice or more: what are important things -- positive or negative -- that you wish you'd known before getting married again? What do you wish you'd known about marrying someone who hasn't been married before, when you have been? What do you wish you'd known or done differently that would have helped you avoid so many remarriages? How did your remarriage complicate matters involving your children as they grew up, and vice-versa?

Obviously each person's situation is unique, and so I am trying to gather information that can help me focus my thoughts, so I can have a more healthy perspective about my own situation and my own future choices. Keep in mind I have children from my first marriage, and a friendly relationship with their mother and extended family.

Just beginning my journey into the wonderful world of accountancy, and I'm lost already.

jhighmore — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 13:23:47 -0800

Hello everyone! Once again I am turning to AskMeFi for advice. The gist of it is: I'm a recent UK-based graduate in a non-finance discipline, and decided to make the move into finance and accounting. So far I have completed the three foundation modules of ACCA International, and am about to start studying for the upcoming F4 exam... and I've started to look for relevant jobs. Of course, the problem is experience (lack of). I've never had a direct finance job, and most positions (including entry-level ones [don't get me wrong; I know it's a long road and I'm barely at the start!]) seem to demand at least 2 years' experience. So, what to do? What I would be really grateful for is some tips or advice on how exactly to proceed. I've taken to the courses well so far, and whilst "enjoyment" may be too strong a word, the subject matter definitely clicks with how I work, but obviously it's all irrelevant without some experience. Should I start begging companies to let me do their books, come what may? Try to do some volunteer work for charities? MeFites - bombard me with knowledge!