Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with existentialism

Therapists who can handle philosophical unrest?

Anonymous — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 07:12:44 -0800

Recommendations for therapists who are comfortable with atheist and materialist world views in the DC area? I've been feeling pretty depressed recently, and I think it's about time I seek help. I have a number of problems in my life that I could use help with. Among other issues, it's recently felt like a growing struggle to engage and enter a state of "flow" in my daily activities and hobbies, even though I've felt passionate about intellectual and artistic pursuits in the past; my mother is suffering from a degenerative neurological disease; and, while I have several wonderful friends who help keep me going, I've felt a lack of a strong community and a lack of direction in life since I graduated college and moved to DC a year and a half ago.

But what honestly been bothering me to the point of obsession over the past month or so is the cementing in my mind of the idea that life has no /inherent/ meaning and that human minds are ultimately governed by physical laws. (I don't know why it took me so long to come to this conclusion since I've never been religious; maybe it's just the first time in my life I've had enough time to stop and think about it.) This has led me to troubling thoughts about the lack of meaning and moral responsibility woven into the fabric of the universe, and has also made it feel harder to relate to people who don't share this basic worldview. Now, don't get me wrong, I realize the existential angst I'm experiencing is probably related to the many other more concrete issues in my life, but I would really like to find a therapist who can relate to my basic philosophical perspective since I think it will be important for me to feel open and honest about my views to be able to work through things with them. I tried therapy once before, about nine months ago, but came to a roadblock in my treatment when I discovered my therapist was Christian and she recommended that I try praying, even though she didn't suggest Jesus as the particular god I should address my prayers to.

So, if you know of any therapists who fit this description in or around DC, or have tips about finding such a therapist, I would really appreciate it. Bonus points if they take Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance.

Also, I hope this doesn't broaden the question too much, but if you have if you have ever experienced depression related to existential angst and have advice about how to deal, that would be wonderful too. Thanks so much.

The meaning of life through short stories.

lobbyist — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 09:53:33 -0800

What short stories have further defined your conceptual understanding of "the meaning of life?" I recently read Isaac Asimov's "The Last Question" and was blown away.

As an atheist, I found myself extremely attracted to the story's underlying notion of universal "indifference" -- that our lives occupy a minute space on the linear process that it entropy, and that in the end, the only thing that is certain is that "everything" will cease to exist. (This is my reading of the story; I understand that it may or may not be yours.)

Effectively, I feel that reading Asimov has helped me resolve some broader, personal existential issues -- and that I'm a more "grounded" person because of it.

So, MeFi, I'd like to know what short stories have helped you form your own understanding of the “meaning of life/existence.”

Two side notes: First, by “short stories,” I mean stories that can easily be read in one sitting. Second, I’d prefer to hear about stories that pose questions, rather than those that dictate answers (i.e. no biblical stories that are fundamentally predicated on a belief in God).

Existential angst before bed

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 06:53:50 -0800

Existential concerns hit me as I fall asleep basically every night. How nutters am I? I'm an atheist in my mid-to-late twenties with a fiancee, stable job, house, good friends, great family, and overall pretty happy with life.

I was raised in a Pentecostal Evangelical church and transitioned to full-on atheism over the course of a few years back when I turned 20. Despite this, my family and I get along great, I have a lovely fiancee, and things are generally going well.

Lately, I've found my mind drifting into existential angst mode as I lay in bed waiting to sleep. This rarely comes up during the day, since I don't really have the time to think about it and otherwise keep myself busy. But as I'm lying there, my mind wanders to the standard fare: basically, this is all you get. you could be dead tomorrow. your friends and/or family could be dead tomorrow.

Coming to terms with the inevitability of death is pretty straightforward: everyone dies. I think the issue is the greater sense of smallness, and of a complete awareness of the total lack of comprehension we have in general with regards to the Really Big Things. No one really knows how we came to be. No one really knows where we go when we die, and it's frustrating and can leave you feeling helpless, if you let it. Moreso if you believe that you just cease to exist entirely, as I do.

As a Christian, it was really comfortable to rely on the idea of God and an afterlife. For one thing, even if you fucked up, God had your back. For another, even if you died, boom, heaven. It was a wonderful comfort to have that belief to fall back on as I went to bed. Even better? In heaven, you presumably get to see your dead relatives! Sweet deal, that.

As an atheist, the cold hard reality that you no longer have those comforts to believe in leaves me with the OTHER reality that atheism is a damn hard sell. It sucks! Most religions have a pleasant afterlife to look forward to, if all goes well. Atheist? You lie in the ground and cease to exist. That's it! All those people you love that died before you? Your memory of them is all that's left! It's pretty shit, if you think about it. Writing the brochures for atheism is a pretty thankless job, I figure, since I suppose you're stuck pushing the "this is all you get! enjoy it while you can!" angle.

So on to my question:

What do other atheists do to avoid overthinking and pondering things like this: essentially, the general truth that we're here, that's it, and most of what happens is out of our hands?

Am I the only one who lies there and lets the mind boggle as I realize the complex series of things that happen to keep me around? I wouldn't call myself depressed at all. In general, I'm having a great time in life, but it's kind of a bummer, and it's been the theme for a few weeks now that I go to sleep thinking about this stuff, if I'm not distracting myself with other, more cheery thoughts.

I'm not looking to see a therapist nor is this a really huge problem for me. But it comes around basically every night, and I just want validation that I'm not crazy, that other people's minds wander like that, and maybe some ideas on avoiding that train of thought. I get that I should probably just ignore it to the best of my ability, but I'm more curious with how much time the rest of you spend thinking about this stuff, and how you work on processing it.

You're lucky to even know me; you're lucky to be alive.

sock puppet of mystery! — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 22:01:43 -0800

I don’t remember how to be single. Help? So, last night I walked home alone after my late-twenties birthday bash, the only one at the party to do so. I was in a relationship, and now I am not: though it was upsetting and sudden, he had to move across the country, so we ended things. For the first time in four years, I am single (before this, I was in a three-year relationship that I thought would be my last, so, of course, it ended badly).

I don’t really know what to do with myself. It feels weird that I don’t know what to do with myself. But I don’t. The thing is – when I look back at my single years for guidance, I look back at myself when I was 20-23 years old. I was very different then. At the time, I hung out with my friends and had casual dalliances with boys. I felt there was no use in having a relationship with a man, as men were for sexing, not relating. I had tons of free time to do whatever I wanted, wander the city, and generally bask in the glorious frivolity of my early twenties. Now, however, I am about a thousand times busier, working on what you could label my career, in addition to a number of other outside projects. My friends are less up for wandering, as they’re partnered and puttering about the house, and even if I am still a huge fan of sexing (hell, even more so than I ever was before), casual sex isn’t fun in the way it used to be. It has lost its appeal and seems lacking. I want something more. But I also have no intention of rushing into a relationship, just because.

The thing is: I do not know what to do with my time. What do busy people do with their time when they’re single? With the boyfriend, we used to camp out in a coffeeshop so he could read while I would work, and that was a fun little slice of multitasking. Now when I am alone with my latte and my laptop, I feel like I'm moping. A part of me was thinking about how it would be nice to meet someone new, but I don’t know how to make that happen given my introversion, my schedule, and my newfound rejection of hookups, in addition to not wanting to jump into yet another heartbreak. And there’s always just “going about and living your own life,” but things have undergone so many changes recently that I don’t know what that means when applied to me.

I guess the question is: if you are single and busy (the type to work 60-70 hours a week), what the hell do you do with your free time? Are you dating? Avoiding dating? Going to restaurants and galleries alone? Finding new, single friends to go with you? What on earth do you actually do, in concrete terms? Because I feel that I am drifting from coffeeshop to coffeeshop, and it’s kind of an awful feeling…

P.S. Before anyone goes down this road: don't suggest online dating, please. Thanks.

P.P.S. Yeah, I hate to add yet another rambling, emo question to the human relations section, but I feel like I need actual concrete advice here; when I woke up this beautiful, sunny morning, I had several hours free, but couldn't think of what to do with myself, so I just sat down at my desk and worked. Which...sucks.

Pyjamas? Check. Alarm set? Check. The fear? Check.

sock puppet of mystery! — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 07:48:20 -0800

Am I having panic attacks while I am sleeping? Is that possible? Is this something else to get all anxious about? Or is it merely the onset of normal, adulthood worries? Lately, I've been having an issue with what I am going to call Sheer Existential Terror. On a somewhat regular (and, disconcertingly, increasingly frequent) basis, I will wake up in a blind panic over the meaning of my existence and rapidly approaching death.

Example 1: This last Friday, I went to bed mildly fretting about a guy I've gone on two dates with, and who canceled the third because he had a work emergency and couldn't make it to dinner. I was wondering whether he was actually trying to do a polite brush-off, but then told myself that there was nothing I could do about it and that this is a pretty low-stakes/early relationship anyway, so I might as well just relax and wait to see what happens. So I stopped worrying about it, rolled over, thought about whatever, and then fell asleep, until - I woke up absolutely terrified, in a pure panic, with my inner monologue turned up to volume 10, screaming, "You have NEVER been loved, are NEVER going to be loved, and are going to always wake up alone, until the day that you die alone...which will be soon, since you are going to die soon. Maybe NOW!"

Example 2: I was in bed, thinking about whether school is the best option for me, until I decided that the best I could do is roll over, get a good night's sleep, wake up and work on what I have to do, and debate things later. So I stopped worrying about it, rolled over, thought about whatever, and then fell asleep, until - I woke up, in a pure panic, with the monologue screaming, "You are wasting the last precious moments of your life on a program that is sucking your soul and wasting your time! Why aren't you actually out there, living life, doing something actually valuable before you die?! Which will be soon. Maybe NOW!"

The reasons for waking up in a panic vary somewhat, and having included my lack of travel, the current state of the economy, and whether I am managing my finances efficiently, among other things. However, each incident is marked by some commonalities: I always wake up in a panic (this isn't something that happens when I am trying to sleep, nor when in a deep sleep, but am already at least half-asleep, within half an hour of going to bed), I am filled with a sense of absolute panic (feeling like to I want to run away screaming into the night, clutch my pillow and start crying like a lost child, or call my mother), and the concern is always framed in terms of death (both my inevitable mortality and the possibility that I am actually dying right now!).

Questions:
1. Could this be a panic attack? Generalized stress? Something else? Or is this normal and something that happens to others?
2. ...it's not possible that I really am dying of some undiagnosed condition, is it? I've also started having recurring dreams in which I die, and every time I wake up, I wonder whether this is a sign of something physical. Could it be?
3. What can I do to make this stop?

Some disclaimer statements: I actually just finished a yearlong round of therapy, and had been hoping to take a break and see how things go on my own. I was not being treated for any sort of anxiety disorder, as I do not have one. And, yes, I am currently in a stressful life situation, but things have actually been getting much better over the last few months, so I don't know how much can be blamed on external stressors. Also - I am not particularly panicky or anxious during the day, but it's starting to get to the point where I don't look forward to sleep, because I am starting to fear that I'll be hit by another of these uncool little incidents of doom.

Thanks. I feel a bit ridiculous for asking, but this is starting to become worrisome. And annoying.

Please help me understand Binx's journey in The Moviegoer

kalimac — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 00:11:02 -0800

Please help me understand what exactly happened in The Moviegoer. As recommended in this thread, I finally picked up and just finished Walker Percy's The Moviegoer. Please understand that I loved it, and clearly it's really sticking with me, I'm just not sure I entirely got what happened to Binx.

Did he escape from the malaise by the end? I get the feeling not -- he's back to nearly his old life (just married to Kate now), and when his aunt questions him, he has no answers for her. Is Lonny the only one to escape the malaise, first through the movies and then by death?

I understand the nature of Binx's search, but did his trip to Chicago actually do anything, other than maybe begin to bring Kate more alive?

(Extenuating circumstances: I am very good at missing the obvious, I suspect I'm relatively young (28, though with an awful lot of living crammed in) to really grok a book like this, I read it in a very disjointed way.)

In conclusion, help? Am I missing anything, and if so, what?

Courting Ellen West

crush-onastick — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:45:28 -0800

“The Case of Ellen West” was published by the Swiss psychiatrist, Ludwig Binswanger, in 1944–1945 and (as far as I can tell) appeared in English translation in 1958. Anyone know where I can get a copy? Usual search suspects are turning up only the Carl Rogers article, "Ellen West and Loneliness", in the Review of Existential Psychology and Psychiatry (which I've requested via interlibrary loan) and some other scholarly pubs on Rogers (behind the usual pay walls).

An optimistic novel for an indoctrinated nihilist?

zaebiz — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 14:46:18 -0800

What is a classic, perhaps philosophical, novel about individual freedom to choose? So that no matter how desperate the situation you find yourself in, you always have choices about what to do, how to feel and how to think about your situation. The book is for a Russian lady who grew up mostly in the Soviet era but finds herself in Western civilisation somewhat isolated. When things get very difficult, she tends to react in a nihilistic fashion, rather than a hopeful optimistic fashion. I was thinking some thing in the Jean-Paul Satre mold, but then my knowledge of novels is very limited so very open to suggestions. Ideally it would be so widely available that its pretty likely I could find it written in Russian.

Individual free choice but collective predictability?

zaebiz — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 13:54:03 -0800

Can someone explain why despite the fact that every one of these incidents occurs at a unique time and place, each involves a complex history of events and personal decisions leading to its very unlikely outcome, that the death toll on the roads year-on-year is so predictable? See here and here. Why doesn't it jump around from 100 one year, to 8000 another year for example? What is it about human nature in particular that makes the rate of error leading to death so predictably in the same narrow range? This is not a question about law enforcement, personal practices or the nature of death. It's more a question of individual free will, statistics and aggregate regularity. Does anyone even understand the existential puzzle I am trying to unravel here or is it really just unmysterious?

PhilosophyFilter: The burden of choice- When did choice come into play?

ISeemToBeAVerb — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:22:27 -0800

I was thinking today about the idea of choice. The existentialists talked about choice all the time- How every human has the "burden of choice". In other words, we all have the "burden" of free will, the choice to do something or to not do something. I know my philosophy knowledge is rudimentary at best, but I guess my question is: when did this idea of choice emerge? Primitive man had no luxury of choice, everything was about survival- So at what point did humans develop the idea of having a choice?

Quote about pointless struggle against insurmountable injustice

mistersix — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 15:01:51 -0800

I am looking for a quote that I heard or read recently, something along the lines of "It is pointless to struggle against overwhelming injustice; it is worse not to struggle against it" or "You ask how it is that I can expend effort fighting against an unchangeable, unjust system? I ask how it is that you can live with not doing so." I'm looking for the exact quote, and the book or essay or what-have-you in which it originally appeared that I can read for some context. I probably came across the quote in the past few months, on a website or radio show. The quote, if I recall correctly, was from some philosopher, politician, or social activist; not a violent person, and not a fictional character. It may be a quote from Camus or Sartre. My impression is that the speaker meant that probably-futile action/protest against a systemic wrong you can't right is preferable to accepting that you can do nothing about it. Thanks in advance...
If you don't know the source of the quote, but know a well-written book or essay that explores the idea of it, such pointers would also be welcome.

The truth is that everyone is bored, and devotes himself to cultivating habits

Totally Zanzibarin' Ya — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 08:19:15 -0800

I need suggestions for a snappy comeback involving existentialism. I need a snappy/funny/witty comeback for when someone asks "How's that existentialism working out for you?".

Is this all there is?

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 12:41:25 -0800

I am a woman, 49 years old. I am not depressed - my general emotional tone is usually positive and from day to day I move along with energy and interest - but I am having trouble feeling that there's anything to look forward to. I am 49 and menopausal but otherwise physically healthy. I do not take drugs, and drink sparingly. I am not attractive to men and never have been, but I am not interested in women.

I have no university degree. I earn my living but I just scrape by. I rent my living space and do not drive a car. Due to some carelessness with finances in recent years I lost every penny of savings to the tax people recently and am facing further tax debt but have no resources so will be under a large debt load for the foreseeable future. This will be tricky because I don't exactly earn much surplus.

I have no family and no husband or boyfriend. My parents are dead and my only sibling lives on another continent. I have a few friends but I tend to get drawn into working on projects with people, and once a friendship goes down that route, they're your clients and not primarily your friends any more. And once people are your clients, you have to be a little detached wth them, put on a good face and never let them see any weaknesses.

I feel I'm too old to requalify for another trade and have never had much ambition anyway. So long as the bills get paid and I can eat I don't ask for much more, but I am getting older and am already feeling the exclusion that happens when your work is centred around the computer but you look more like a potential employer's mother than his siblings.

So I feel I am facing encroaching old age in inevitable poverty. Perhaps that's the human condition and I am just feeling self-pity, but I did hope there would be more to life than this. Can a homely middle-aged woman turn this around, or is the best thing to simply give in to the stretch-pants and soap operas of middle age and learn how to cook cheaply for the day I end up on social assistance?

Beach romances that are deep. But not too deep. Where are they?

cowbellemoo — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 12:36:39 -0800

What books are similar in attitude and environment to Bonjour Tristesse (Françoise Sagan)? I've only read a few books twice, and this is one of them, so I'd love to find more like it. It's the only Sagan book I've read, so that might be a good place to start looking if she kept largely to the style of this first novel.

Elements of the novel I was particularly fond of:

— French Riviera/beach leisure/summertime
— Ravishing, young, independent women
— the 'existential romance' of it. self-consciousness and manipulation (benign and not). Distinguishing it from a dopey romance, I hope.

I'm hoping that a few other books (or movies, comics, anything really) have the same features and simple style of Bonjour Tristesse. Thanks for the help!

I need to find a religious studies graduate program!

Gideon — Sat, 12 May 2007 18:25:45 -0800

I'm about a year off from Grad school, and I'm beginning to look around for good places to go. I'm a bit of a dinosaur, however, and am very interested in existential religion and am interested in studying a kind of... ontological foundationalism whereas the focus will be how man establishes and functions through his sense of being/meaning in the world. I need some good suggestions on what schools I may want to look into. I'm not interested in a comparative or specialist program (Judaism, Christianity, etc) - I'm really looking for a Religion and Culture, or something similar to what I outlined above. I'm also not adverse to a religion and psychology (with a emphasis on the religion aspect) or general social sciences and religion.

I'm a fairly good student, and am considering Rice and Brown - but wouldn't want to try much higher than that. I'm alright with international schools, providing English is the primary language.

Thanks!

Islam and Proto-?

Gnostic Novelist — Sat, 10 Mar 2007 08:41:47 -0800

Is there an Islamic equivalent to the existential precursors in Judeo-Christianity.? For example, I am mainly thinking of an Islamic equivalent to Ecclesiastes, which is seen as a precursor to Existentialism. Also, are there any writers from Islamic cultures that have existentialist leanings (i.e. versions of Emile Cioran or Paul Tillich) ?.

The value of loneliness

Anonymous — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:07:23 -0800

Does loneliness have any value? For some reason, I've always had this idea that periods of loneliness are necessary and healthy parts of life. I don't know where I came up with that. If this makes any sense, I kind of see those periods of being lonely like trimming back a plant, at first it looks terrible and dead, but it is necessary for the plant to grow and become fuller. Is there any truth to that?

I guess I wonder this because I'm going through a lonely spell right now. I'm in my early 20's, transitioning to a new phase, in a new city alone, with tons of time to think. I'm in good mental health, and am making an effort to meet people, so I'm not just sitting around feeling sorry for myself. But periods of loneliness, I don't think, turn on and off so quickly. Anyways, this question isn't really about me other than my wondering whether this can be a somewhat healthy thing to go through, or should I just make a full-on effort to be happy all of the time. Any insight pertaining to loneliness and periods of loneliness would be appreciated too.

recommendations for unusual, accessible existentialist text?

ori — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 00:21:05 -0800

What non-standard texts would you recommend for a community reading group on Existentialism? I am hoping to volunteer as a coordinator of a discussion group on Existentialism, part of a program in the humanities for people without higher education. I would like to hear your suggestions for readings, aside from the obvious canon of excerpts from Kierkegaard, Sartre, Pascal, Dostoevsky, Nietzsche, Jaspers &co. The readings should not be too technical, be literature or philosophy, and ideally 50 pages or less. They don't even have to represent "Existentialism" proper (whatever that is!); anything that explores themes of subjectivity is welcome.

Why's 'existential detective' funny?

whatitis — Thu, 09 Jun 2005 12:25:57 -0800

What makes the job title of 'Existential Detective' from 'I Heart Huckabees' so funny? A good friend, who is getting his PhD in Philosophy, found this hilarious. Unfortunately, not being familiar with the field, the joke was completely lost on me. Anyone care to explain?