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The office next to mine is empty, and my ex wants to fill it.

My ex boyfriend, the subject of a previous askme, is applying to work in my current work group. I would rather quit than work with him, but that would be crippling to my career as well as seriously unfair considering the damage he did to me. How do I talk to my boss or HR without sounding just sounding like a crazy ex girlfriend? [more inside]
posted by cakebatter on Mar 21, 2014 - 41 answers

How to cope with fears for ex's mental health and his suicidality?

Last week I asked this question. I am still no-contact with him on the advice of literally everyone I know, but I am obsessed with worry that he will kill himself (or already has) and guilt for leaving him in this state. [more inside]
posted by Rainflower on Jul 18, 2013 - 51 answers

Shaking off surprise news about an old flame

Seven years ago, when I was in college, I fell in love for the first time, and fell hard. We both made lots of mistakes because of youth and inexperience, but at the time I really wished that we could have tried again. He broke off the relationship suddenly, partially because he said he didn't think he'd ever get married or have a family. For a few years I thought of him as "the one that got away." Years later, I am in a good, happy long term relationship, that is healthy and that I enjoy. Via my alumni magazine, I recently found out that he got married about a year after we were last together, and that he's got children. I should be happy for him, but instead I feel like I've been punched in the gut. This doesn't make sense. What can I do to move my thoughts onward, and to stop thinking about what could have been when what I have is good?
posted by anonymous on May 19, 2013 - 17 answers

The mom of my ex wants to get in touch... what now?

Out of the blue, the mom of my ex-boyfriend (whom I thought I was just starting to get over with) wants to reconnect, but without his knowledge (we haven't been keeping in touch since Christmas). She wants to have "a little chat" -- when I pressed for details, she said only to keep in touch whenever I find myself in town. As well-intentioned as she may be, I feel this is quite manipulative of her due to the context of our breakup and I'm not sure how to respond, if I should, and if I should go ahead and meet up with her (I'm half-scared of being ambushed and reprimanded -- because she wants his sister to tag along on this chat, too -- plus I feel I'll be complicit in the mother's going behind my ex's back, whatever the outcome). [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 19, 2013 - 81 answers

How do I deal with my ex-boyfriend's unhinged and insecure current girlfriend?

My ex and I are still involved musically, and his current girlfriend is convinced that I hate her. She recently sent me an extremely creepy email. My ex is passive to the extreme and won't take responsibility. What can I do to keep the peace and minimize my involvement, while still enjoying my band? [more inside]
posted by lilypad on Dec 5, 2012 - 55 answers

To send condolences or not?

My ex-boyfriend's dad just passed away. What, if anything, should I do? [more inside]
posted by csox on Nov 16, 2012 - 24 answers

Help me stand my ground against my ex.

I may have to see my abusive ex soon. Help me cope. [more inside]
posted by These Birds of a Feather on Jun 22, 2012 - 66 answers

Let well enough alone?

Should I call my abuser on his behavior, even though it's been over twenty years since we've last spoken? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 13, 2012 - 75 answers

My brain isn't very nice to me.

Why do I still care about how my ex treated me when I don't have any feelings for him? How do I stop caring that he's getting married to his pregnant girlfriend? [more inside]
posted by biochemist on Feb 1, 2012 - 31 answers

Violent Ex

Asking for a friend: her unhinged, stalker ex-boyfriend's behaviour has escalated into violence. We are all very concerned. Any help would be appreciated, particularly if you know any details about dealing with this kind of situation in London. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 27, 2011 - 21 answers

Should I file a restraining order against my ex?

Considering a restraining order against an ex, but I have a lot of questions about the logistics and just generally whether it's going to make the situation better or worse. For example, I don't think he knows where I live- so how would it even work? Many more questions inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 26, 2011 - 23 answers

I know you don't approve. I won't talk to you about it.

Reconciliation after a break-up: dealing with fallout from friends. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 20, 2011 - 17 answers

Ex-fiance, mutual interests, awkward interactions

How do I deal with seeing and interacting with my ex at this event? And, actually, how do I deal with the breakup in general? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 9, 2011 - 32 answers

Schroedinger's ex: I'm over him. I'm not over him.

I'm having a difficult time trying to mentally process an ex's recent wedding because I'm hung up on the sex/religion aspect of it all. I need advice on how to stop thinking about him. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 21, 2011 - 33 answers

Guilty, guilty, guilty.

It's me again. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. How do I minimize the guilt I feel for hurting him, and the hurt over him being back on the dating site already? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 3, 2011 - 63 answers

Pictures of a deceased ex

A little over two years ago, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. A couple of weeks later, he passed away unexpectedly. The whole situation, the break-up and his death, was incredibly difficult for me. For almost the past two years, I have been in a relationship with someone else; this relationship has gotten really serious over the past year and a half or so. We were friends when my ex-boyfriend and I split, so he has been with me through this whole situation and knows how hard it has been for me. Generally, over the past couple of years, he has been very supportive and understanding of what I am going through. Since my ex passed away, I have had pictures of him and me together in my apartment and as my facebook profile picture. [more inside]
posted by CuriousJoe on Feb 24, 2011 - 73 answers

How do I forgive myself?

How do I forgive myself for making a mistake which ended a relationship that was practically over in the first place? How do I not feel sad that he's now with someone else? I feel like i wasn't worth it for him to try, but she is. [more inside]
posted by biochemist on Jan 15, 2011 - 31 answers

Annoying ex, leave my mom out of this

How do I get my ex-boyfriend to stop contacting my mom? [more inside]
posted by and1 on Nov 22, 2010 - 38 answers

Should I tell my boyfriend that we're friends with a long-ago ex?

Should I tell my boyfriend that we're friends with a long-ago ex? My social circle includes a guy that I dated 10 years ago for less than a year. He is now married to someone else, and there's no lingering unresolved business between us. He and his wife are part of my main group of friends, but as they are kind of busy, I don't see an awful lot of them, maybe once a month. Of course my current boyfriend (of 1 year) is always invited and often comes when this group hangs out [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 5, 2010 - 29 answers

This guy has cost me more Askme questions than he deserves.

How do I get over him (and his family)? They live next door, I see him most days, and I just can't seem to let it go. [more inside]
posted by malibustacey9999 on Oct 14, 2010 - 37 answers

Logic vs Emotions re: the ex.

My ex told me he still has feelings for me and wants to see where things go. I'm not too happy with how he treated me in the past and I want to close the door for good, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Deep down, I want to say "okay, let's see where things go" but I -know- that would be a bad decision. I'd like someone to pick apart my reasons so I don't go ahead and make the decision anyway. [more inside]
posted by biochemist on Oct 9, 2010 - 44 answers

Should I contact my ex-boyfriend for help with buying a car?

I’m looking to buy my first (used) car, but feeling kind of overwhelmed by the process. I don’t really have anyone in my life who is car-savvy. Is it a bad idea to ask my ex for advice or help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 24, 2010 - 11 answers

She's mine

Advice needed regarding a "don't ask out my ex-girlfriend" communication from an ex-boyfriend. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2010 - 54 answers

Should I take this trip with my ex?

Traveling with the ex...good idea or bad? I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, and unfortunately we have a trip planned to Europe in 6 weeks. We broke up on relatively good terms, and we're talking about counseling to try to work things out. In the meantime, I'd like the hive mind's opinion about whether it's a terrible idea to go ahead with our planned vacation? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 26, 2010 - 36 answers

I kissed my off-again boyfriend's roommate—what now?

I got drunk and kissed my on-again-off-again boyfriend's roommate. Help me salvage my relationship of nine years as best I can. (Special snowflake.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 5, 2010 - 16 answers

Just leave me alone!

How can I get my ex to stop harassing me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 4, 2010 - 30 answers

Should've-Asked-This-Question-*Before*-I-Got-The-Dog-But-I-Had-My-Head-Up-My-Ass-Filter

I used to live with my dog and (now) ex-boyfriend. I moved out. Dog now lives with him. I live in apartment that doesn't allow dogs. Ex is abusive to dog. She can't stay with me, she can't stay with him, even though he wants to keep her. If I find her a new home, she'll be safe, but I won't get to see her again and my ex might retaliate against me. If I leave her there, I'll get to see her more often, but my ex could flip out and hurt her. I'm not sure how to do what I need to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 15, 2009 - 37 answers

How do we support our abused friend and her daughter?

Last night, a close friend of ours was the victim of a domestic dispute. Her live-in boyfriend became convinced of infidelity in the relationship (a relationship that was headed to the dumps anyway), came back to their apartment, violently pulled her off of the couch screamed at her and repeatedly punched her in the stomach. Police were called, no charges filed (Red flags here). Now she and the daughter are staying with us, but are afraid to return home. Where do we go from here? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 15, 2008 - 10 answers

Should I stay or should I go now?

RelationshipFilter: Do I move out to a new city with my new boyfriend where the old boyfriend lives? Long back story inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 17, 2008 - 11 answers

Dreams about the ex

Why do I continue to have dreams about my ex-boyfriend from 10 years ago? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 20, 2007 - 33 answers

Are we too young?

LongDistanceFilter: Ok, well technically we're broken up but its purely for strategic reasons. But we both believe that we both have serious long term potencial, the only problem is that circumstances are against us. [more inside]
posted by apfel on Sep 24, 2006 - 17 answers

Feelings for the ex?

To what extent is it okay/normal to have feelings for one's ex? What if you're in a new, very serious, relationship? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 18, 2006 - 20 answers

Obsessing over ancient history

I can't understand why I'm still thinking about a very ex-boyfriend. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 25, 2006 - 27 answers

Staying Friends With an Ex

ExFilter: I recently (approximately 5 months ago) initiated a breakup with a guy who now lives in another city. We are still in touch and I hope to stay friends with him. I also recently (approximately 4.99 months ago) started dating another guy; that whole situation is going amazingly well and I am going on vacation with him soon. I have told the ex about the vacation but not about the company and definitely not about the dating. I am sure that he would be upset.
The question: is full disclosure (about the timing and everything) required if I want to consider myself friends with the ex? Even if it might make us not friends anymore? How about partial disclosure, not including the timing, or not including the intensity of the new relationship? I don't like feeling like I'm lying, but I don't think I actually am lying at this point, I'm just omitting information. Obviously partial disclosure would be lying. But is it justified lying? (Is there such a thing?)
posted by anonymous on Dec 8, 2004 - 45 answers

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