Seven years ago, when I was in college, I fell in love for the first time, and fell hard. We both made lots of mistakes because of youth and inexperience, but at the time I really wished that we could have tried again. He broke off the relationship suddenly, partially because he said he didn't think he'd ever get married or have a family. For a few years I thought of him as "the one that got away." Years later, I am in a good, happy long term relationship, that is healthy and that I enjoy. Via my alumni magazine, I recently found out that he got married about a year after we were last together, and that he's got children. I should be happy for him, but instead I feel like I've been punched in the gut. This doesn't make sense. What can I do to move my thoughts onward, and to stop thinking about what could have been when what I have is good?
posted by anonymous
on May 19, 2013 -
17 answers
Out of the blue, the mom of my ex-boyfriend (whom I thought I was just starting to get over with) wants to reconnect, but without his knowledge (we haven't been keeping in touch since Christmas). She wants to have "a little chat" -- when I pressed for details, she said only to keep in touch whenever I find myself in town. As well-intentioned as she may be, I feel this is quite manipulative of her due to the context of our breakup and I'm not sure how to respond, if I should, and if I should go ahead and meet up with her (I'm half-scared of being ambushed and reprimanded -- because she wants his sister to tag along on this chat, too -- plus I feel I'll be complicit in the mother's going behind my ex's back, whatever the outcome).
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Feb 19, 2013 -
81 answers
My ex and I are still involved musically, and his current girlfriend is convinced that I hate her. She recently sent me an
extremely creepy email. My ex is passive to the extreme and won't take responsibility. What can I do to keep the peace and minimize my involvement, while still enjoying my band?
[more inside]
posted by lilypad
on Dec 5, 2012 -
55 answers
My ex-boyfriend's dad just passed away. What, if anything, should I do?
[more inside]
posted by csox
on Nov 16, 2012 -
24 answers
Should I call my abuser on his behavior, even though it's been over twenty years since we've last spoken?
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Apr 13, 2012 -
75 answers
Why do I still care about how my ex treated me when I don't have any feelings for him? How do I stop caring that he's getting married to his pregnant girlfriend?
[more inside]
posted by biochemist
on Feb 1, 2012 -
31 answers
Asking for a friend: her unhinged, stalker ex-boyfriend's behaviour has escalated into violence. We are all very concerned. Any help would be appreciated, particularly if you know any details about dealing with this kind of situation in London.
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Nov 27, 2011 -
21 answers
Considering a restraining order against an ex, but I have a lot of questions about the logistics and just generally whether it's going to make the situation better or worse. For example, I don't think he knows where I live- so how would it even work? Many more questions inside.
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Nov 26, 2011 -
23 answers
How do I deal with seeing and interacting with my ex at this event? And, actually, how do I deal with the breakup in general?
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Nov 9, 2011 -
32 answers
I'm having a difficult time trying to mentally process an ex's recent wedding because I'm hung up on the sex/religion aspect of it all. I need advice on how to stop thinking about him.
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Aug 21, 2011 -
33 answers
It's
me again. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. How do I minimize the guilt I feel for hurting him, and the hurt over him being back on the dating site already?
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Jun 3, 2011 -
63 answers
A little over two years ago, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. A couple of weeks later, he passed away unexpectedly. The whole situation, the break-up and his death, was incredibly difficult for me. For almost the past two years, I have been in a relationship with someone else; this relationship has gotten really serious over the past year and a half or so. We were friends when my ex-boyfriend and I split, so he has been with me through this whole situation and knows how hard it has been for me. Generally, over the past couple of years, he has been very supportive and understanding of what I am going through. Since my ex passed away, I have had pictures of him and me together in my apartment and as my facebook profile picture.
[more inside]
posted by CuriousJoe
on Feb 24, 2011 -
73 answers
How do I forgive myself for making a mistake which ended a relationship that was practically over in the first place? How do I not feel sad that he's now with someone else? I feel like i wasn't worth it for him to try, but she is.
[more inside]
posted by biochemist
on Jan 15, 2011 -
31 answers
Should I tell my boyfriend that we're friends with a long-ago ex? My social circle includes a guy that I dated 10 years ago for less than a year. He is now married to someone else, and there's no lingering unresolved business between us. He and his wife are part of my main group of friends, but as they are kind of busy, I don't see an awful lot of them, maybe once a month. Of course my current boyfriend (of 1 year) is always invited and often comes when this group hangs out
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Nov 5, 2010 -
29 answers
How do I get over him (and his family)? They live next door, I see him most days, and I just can't seem to let it go.
[more inside]
posted by malibustacey9999
on Oct 14, 2010 -
37 answers
My ex told me he still has feelings for me and wants to see where things go. I'm not too happy with how he treated me in the past and I want to close the door for good, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Deep down, I want to say "okay, let's see where things go" but I -know- that would be a bad decision. I'd like someone to pick apart my reasons so I don't go ahead and make the decision anyway.
[more inside]
posted by biochemist
on Oct 9, 2010 -
44 answers
I’m looking to buy my first (used) car, but feeling kind of overwhelmed by the process. I don’t really have anyone in my life who is car-savvy. Is it a bad idea to ask my ex for advice or help?
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Sep 24, 2010 -
11 answers
Advice needed regarding a "don't ask out my ex-girlfriend" communication from an ex-boyfriend.
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Aug 8, 2010 -
54 answers
Traveling with the ex...good idea or bad? I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, and unfortunately we have a trip planned to Europe in 6 weeks. We broke up on relatively good terms, and we're talking about counseling to try to work things out. In the meantime, I'd like the hive mind's opinion about whether it's a terrible idea to go ahead with our planned vacation?
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Jul 26, 2010 -
36 answers
I got drunk and kissed my on-again-off-again boyfriend's roommate. Help me salvage my relationship of nine years as best I can. (Special snowflake.)
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on May 5, 2010 -
16 answers
I used to live with my dog and (now) ex-boyfriend. I moved out. Dog now lives with him. I live in apartment that doesn't allow dogs. Ex is abusive to dog. She can't stay with me, she can't stay with him, even though he wants to keep her. If I find her a new home, she'll be safe, but I won't get to see her again and my ex might retaliate against me. If I leave her there, I'll get to see her more often, but my ex could flip out and hurt her. I'm not sure how to do what I need to do.
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Nov 15, 2009 -
37 answers
Last night, a close friend of ours was the victim of a domestic dispute. Her live-in boyfriend became convinced of infidelity in the relationship (a relationship that was headed to the dumps anyway), came back to their apartment, violently pulled her off of the couch screamed at her and repeatedly punched her in the stomach. Police were called, no charges filed (Red flags here). Now she and the daughter are staying with us, but are afraid to return home. Where do we go from here?
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Sep 15, 2008 -
10 answers
RelationshipFilter: Do I move out to a new city with my new boyfriend where the old boyfriend lives? Long back story inside.
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Aug 17, 2008 -
11 answers
LongDistanceFilter: Ok, well technically we're broken up but its purely for strategic reasons. But we both believe that we both have serious long term potencial, the only problem is that circumstances are against us.
[more inside]
posted by apfel
on Sep 24, 2006 -
17 answers
To what extent is it okay/normal to have feelings for one's ex? What if you're in a new, very serious, relationship?
[more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Sep 18, 2006 -
20 answers
ExFilter: I recently (approximately 5 months ago) initiated a breakup with a guy who now lives in another city. We are still in touch and I hope to stay friends with him. I also recently (approximately 4.99 months ago) started dating another guy; that whole situation is going amazingly well and I am going on vacation with him soon. I have told the ex about the vacation but not about the company and definitely not about the dating. I am sure that he would be upset.
The question: is full disclosure (about the timing and everything) required if I want to consider myself friends with the ex? Even if it might make us not friends anymore? How about partial disclosure, not including the timing, or not including the intensity of the new relationship? I don't like feeling like I'm lying, but I don't think I actually
am lying at this point, I'm just omitting information. Obviously partial disclosure would be lying. But is it justified lying? (Is there such a thing?)
posted by anonymous
on Dec 8, 2004 -
45 answers
