Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with ettiquette

Slimpstreaming behind a random?

Tapioca — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:32:55 -0800

Do you think it is rude for Alice (a commuter cyclist) to slipstream behind Bob (another commuter cyclist, who doesn't know Alice)? By 'slipstreaming' I mean riding in the wind-free pocket behind the lead cyclist. Hope I've got the terminology right - think I've also seen it called 'drafting'.

Does it depend on headwind speed? Length of time? Other factors?

(I tried to frame this a neutral hypothetical. This happened on my morning commute today, but I'm deliberately not revealing whether I was Alice or Bob)

Plays Well With Others?

Anonymous — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 17:12:42 -0800

Latin Dancing Ettiquette: I really want to learn Latin Dancing, but for cultural reasons (and prudishness) would be uncomfortable dancing with a woman other than my fiancee. I doubt I would be pleased with her dancing with other men. I spoke to an instructor who told me that couples can attend with no need to rotate partners.

Does anyone have experience with this? Do you end up feeling like the Amish with how conservative your attitudes are? Are there situations where you are made to feel rude if you do not dance with others?

Going to a funeral viewing--what do I do?

peanut_mcgillicuty — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:33:59 -0800

A friend's father just died, and I will be attending the viewing on Sunday. I don't know what to do about the body. This will be only the second viewing I've ever attended, and I froze up at the other one. I'd never seen a dead body before and I didn't know the deceased, and I didn't know what to do--go up to the casket? Just talk quietly with the family and friends gathered? I ended up doing the latter, and I never went up to the casket. It felt macabre to go and stare at a dead man I didn't know.

Most people seemed to be going up to the casket and making the sign of the cross and praying or something. I'm not religious, much less Catholic. I don't know what's appropriate to do in that respect.

Obviously I will be dressed somberly, won't be turning this into a catching up-fest, etc. I know how to act and what to say to the grieving, but I don't know what to do about the actual deceased. I don't want to offend anyone, nor do I want to pretend to go through religious motions or something like that. I've wondered for years whether my behavior at the last viewing was somehow offensive because I didn't actually go up to the casket.

Advice, please.

How do I tell my partner that a recently acquired haircut is...bad?

hal_c_on — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 13:40:05 -0800

So how do I tell my partner that a recently acquired haircut is...bad? So I'm a pretty low-maintenance person. I moved recently (after finding an EXCELLENT hair cuttery), and was forced to find a new barber/stylist. I found one that I could literally walk to, so problem solved, right?

The haircut was pretty bad. I'm the guy who always feels the haircut is great because now there's less hair on top of my head. I've had my hair cut by 80 year old barbers, 19 year old stylists, people in beauty school, friends, family, and even some high-end stylists. I have almost never had a bad haircut, I have always left satisfied. I have a VERY high threshold for bad haircuts.

This haircut was so bad, I actually could see where the stylist was lacking in technical expertise, and I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CUTTING HAIR. How do they forget to cut a clump of hair? Of course, I was home before I noticed, so I chalked it up to "my fault".

Being a very smart consumer, I visited this place a few more times with the same results (different stylist/same business). I really thought "oh, it must have been the stylist", or "oh, i didn't explicitly state that I wanted them to cut hair from all parts of my head". Then on my most recent visit (yeah, I'm telling you...I'm not that bright), I realized why I always had bad hair...they cut my hair in about 7 minutes. They had always been that fast at this establishment, while everywhere else, it had taken AT LEAST 20 minutes.

I went home, and noticed that they forgot to cut a clump of hair from the back. Seriously...how does one forget that; its the back of MY head, not THEIR head. The next time I was due for a haircut, I went outside with a pair of clippers and cut my hair really short. My partner helped me out with the hard areas, and bam...a GOOD haircut. I'm low maintenance like that.

So a few minutes ago, my partner (also, rather low maintenance) left to get a haircut...at the SAME PLACE. I reiterated my story; we laughed...but I don't think the partner was dissuaded. Maybe...but probably not.

What can I say when there's a knock at the door, and I open it up to a bad haircut? It STILL is V-Day weekend, and I don't really want to go "damn...I told you...get me the clippers and sit still".

Reading this over, I realize that we sound pretty insane. Yes.

Are you expected to give a gift whether or not you attend a wedding?

otherwordlyglow — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 11:01:09 -0800

What percentage of people invited to a wedding would you expect to give a gift? We had a wedding in October. We sent out 82 invites and invited a total of 125 people (some invitations went to families/couples). We had about 90 people attend and received 39 gifts. I've always understood that you sent a gift whether you attended or not but is that not the case? I'm not ungrateful for the gifts we received, the experience, or for the fact that so many people attended. I'm NOT angling for additional gifts and know that we could still receive gifts from those invited. Additionally, I don't expect that every single person would give a gift - families generally give a gift together, etc. However, I am curious if this ratio of invitations to gifts is about the average.

Please help us make our Oscars/Housewarming Party a success!

iamkimiam — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 11:45:48 -0800

Need help planning a themed Oscars/Housewarming Party! Here are a couple areas we're having trouble with:

The theme: Currently thinking about doing a "Make Yourselves at Home & Roll Your Own Theme!" party, where people can dress up in whatever theme they want, based on whatever they feel like. I would like to incorporate prizes (but what kind?), both relating to theme and to the Oscars. Does anybody have a better idea? What details can we incorporate to make this kickass?

Mixed company: We have a lot of friends, all ages, all ilks. I'm not that good with interacting with people in groups. How can I help ease the awkwardness I have and make sure everybody is having a good time?

Housewarming Ettiquette: My boyfriend and I have never had or been to a housewarming party. Do we fill out a gift registry for this (ex. Target)? Do we even expect gifts? How long to people generally stay? What are housewarming parties all about? What are we expected to provide?

Neighbors: Do we invite them? I'd feel awful not doing so, especially since I'll likely warn them about a long day/night of noise. If they come, do I introduce them to everyone, or just let them come in and fend for themselves and leave when alienated? This is a social minefield that makes me want to call the whole thing off.

Other stuff...our place is small, parking is limited, we have 2 hypoallergenic indoor pets, no shoes allowed on carpet, cats are toilet trained and so toilet seats must stay up...how do we tell people all this without seeming neurotic as all getout?

Hey Miss Thang... or should I call you Sir Thang? Sir Miss Thang?

NikitaNikita — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 08:18:43 -0800

Should you address a knighted person as "Sir," as opposed to his/her professional title? Given this recent thread, I figure this is best place to ask:

Let's say* I'm sending an initial email to someone who is knighted, yet I'd normally address the person as "Dr Soandso", especially because we are emailing about our doctoral work-related things, so to speak -- should I be beginning my email "Sir Soandso" instead? or do you use both Sir and Dr?

Also, do people really address a knighted person as "Sir FirstName", like I've seen in some news articles? Because, if Sir and Dr are synonymous titles, it sounds more cutesy than professional to my ear. ("Hi Dr Bob!" for example)

I'm American, and like twoleftfeet in the aforementioned thread, I don't really know much about this knight business. In fact, I've never thought of seriously calling someone "Sir" until now, so it sounds funny to me. Oh, and the Sir-in-question right now is a British male, PhD if that makes any difference too.

Thanks!

*because I am

Bookmark ettiquette?

Anonymous — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 16:48:19 -0800

It seemed like a trivial thing to me, leaving in another bookmark while reading someone else's book, but it's come up before. Was he rude to take it out, or am I being over-sensitive? Yesterday, a friend asked to borrow a book. He picked a book I had been rereading a while back, that still had my bookmark (a business card of nostalgic importance) inside. Without asking, he tossed away the bookmark, and refused to put it back after repeated requests. Instead he questioned me on why I wanted it in the book, accusing me of being secretive when I didn't go into every detail.

I thought he behaved rudely, so I asked for an apology. Instead, he said that I was being "crazy OCD" and was wrong to be annoyed when he threw away the card.

What is going on??

where clinks = (n-1)/2

Brian James — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:58:23 -0800

EttiquetteFilter: Is there any graceful way of dealing with a glass-clinking toast with greater than 6 people? You're out with a big group of people. Someone proposes a toast, and begins clinking their class to the people next to them. Then, it's a chain reaction, and everyone must clink with every other person, regardless of how ridiculous this gets with large numbers of people. If you simply raise your glass in respect (as I have tried to do), you get scowled at.

Am I a sourpuss for thinking that this tradition can get rather awkward and tedious with large groups of people? Can anyone advise how to handle this situation with grace and respect?

But my inbox is right there!

subbes — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:01:48 -0800

What's the meaning/rationale behind putting paperwork on someone's chair rather than their desk? Some of my co-workers (I do not know which) will leave paperwork on my chair rather than my desk if I'm not in my office. So I come back from a meeting or whatever, sit down, and realise I've sat on an invoice and crumpled it with my big ol' butt, which is arguably my own fault for not checking first.

Is there a meaning or reason behind this placement? I have a large desk that is usually empty of paper, so there is space to put the paperwork there rather than on my chair.

I'm a foreigner in the US and my interpretation is to feel a wee bit demeaned. The chair is where the ass goes, not the work.

I don't know how on earth I would bring this up with my co-workers, especially since I don't know which of them does this. Help me allay my anxious ruminations!

I'm a lot better looking in person. No, seriously!

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 12:41:01 -0800

I don't take good pictures and I think it's putting a crimp in my style online-personal-wise. What can I do to get guys to meet me in person? I'm female. I want to date. I write great personal ads and let my witty & winsome self shine through online communications (and phone). I'm an introvert and date guys outside my race --- online personals seem to be a good choice. Problem: I am not photogenic. I don't look like elephant woman but I don't look like me either -- someone who's pretty/sometimes hot.

Lately, great email communication stops dead once I share my pic. Is it my pic? I'm honest about my description before hand, whether it's an ad I placed or one that caught my eye. I've had friends read my prior correspondence to see if I was lying/dissembling/dreaming. I'm being truthful according to them.

I get anxious at the thought of talking to someone I don't know or flirting with someone who didn't already see me as a potential romantic partner, so approaching guys I meet IRL would be awful, painful, and amusing in a twisted way at best. I understand where the guys are coming from: people lie online. The last few guys I dated (two long-term) said they met with me in spite of my pic or didn't see my pic (and didn't share theirs). Upon meeting me they were rather pleasantly surprised. Some people will still reject me nonetheless -- fine. But I'd like a chance with the guys who'd flirt with me in person but are turned off my pics.

Do I give up on dating online? Use someone else's pics? Refuse to share a pic? Give references? There's a part of me that thinks okay, I'm not attractive -- assuming that part is off its rocker, what do you suggest?

The rules of engagement

pembleton — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 06:08:32 -0800

What is the etiquette for getting engaged? I want to ask me girlfriend to marry me and I'm 100% sure that she'll say yes, the thing I'm worried about is general ettiquette for getting engaged. I don't have many (maybe 1) friends that have been married before so I'm not sure about things like... Am I supposed to ask her parents' permission? Should I tell my parents first? What's the best way to explain it to friends who have been in much longer relationships but aren't engaged (this one seems to already have caused problems)? Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.

How do I ask co-workers to stop emailing me religious junk mail?

raedyn — Wed, 02 Mar 2005 10:44:08 -0800

How do I ask co-workers to stop emailing me religious junk mail? I've accepted most annoying forwarded junk emails as a fact of online life, and I'm able to ignore the religious ones from acquainatances. But I'm quite bothered by the religious chain letters that some co-workers send to me daily. Any forwarded junk is a waste of my time and company resources, but I find the religious stuff highly inappropriate at work.

The ettiquette of complimenting co-workers.

bunglin jones — Wed, 29 Dec 2004 00:17:49 -0800

a question of ettiquette: it's not uncommon for me (bloke, straight, 31) to compliment co-workers - both male and female - on their clothes, hair, shoes etc. If a woman at work is wearing a string-strap tank top which will always leave her bra-straps exposed, is it bad form to say (if it's true): "hey, nice bra."? it's not like it's been ACCIDENTALLY exposed or anything, but... I dunno... what rules apply here?

What does "Evening attire (not black tie)" mean for women?

ambrosia — Tue, 02 Nov 2004 13:44:35 -0800

Ladies of AskMe: When the wedding invitation says "Evening attire (not black tie)" what do you wear?

Does it make a difference if the wedding will take place in the UK?