My wife and I were writing a brief thank-you note to some friends, and she was helping to edit. I then signed it off as 'Arandia & Wife' -- only my wife says that it should be 'Wife & Arandia', since *I* wrote the letter and it is coming from my email address. [more inside]
We have dinner plans with a couple (A & B) they're calling in just under 2 hours. I woke up today with a stinking cold. It's got worse all day. I feel crap and I'm not looking forward to a night in a loud restaurant, shouting cos my ears are blocked, and blowing my nose every minute. But my SO hates cancelling plans, and doesn't want to go out with the other couple without me as he'll feel "like a gooseberry" (even though he's known A for 20 years, and they're very sweet, nice people). I'm begrudgingly going to make myself go. Then it dawned on me - is it actually ruder to turn up with the cold and probably pass it on to them (as we're sharing a taxi there and I'm at the constant sneezing/sniffling stage), or just to cancel? [more inside]
I'm using Tumblr for the first time (link in profile) and posting lots of quotes (as 'text') every day. I don't want to spam people or muck up their dashboard, so please enlighten me about bad or annoying things people do on Tumblr so I can learn from their mistakes.
Is this a normal amount of time to expect to wait when YOU'RE BLEEDING IN THE DAMN BRAIN?! [more inside]
What are the best ways to politely decline people on internet dating sites? [more inside]
In a dating scenairo, when a girl respond to a guy's request for a date with a nonspecific "maybe some other time," does it actually means "No"? [more inside]
I usually over tip--22-25 percent. But I was confused about something that happened tonight. I went to a new bar, kind of a renovated dive, with a friend. We both ordered cocktails, I ordered a charchturie (sp) platter and he ordered a pizza. My food came right away, and both of our drinks came quickly. The bar was empty for our first drinks, but was filling up quickly. We ordered a second drink. The bar was filled with people that the bar tender seemed to know. The second drink came. No sign of pizza, it was more than an hour at this point. We remind the bartender, who is also the server twice. He finally says, five minutes, and five minutes later, the pizza comes. This would have been 90 minutes. No offer to comp the food, no apologies, but the food was really good, the drinks were strong, and I would like to go back...I tipped 4 on a 32 bill, after tax. They also split the bill in a weird manner. My friends kind of shy, so I took his lead, and didn't complain. How much should I have tipped? Should I have complained? Should I go back to complain? What's the protocol here?
I had an interview a week ago with an HR person and was told the company would be in touch soon, they liked my resume, etc. Since then... nothing much. I know who my next interviewer would be. Would there be anything weird about... emailing them and asking for an interview? Or should I wait?
What are your thoughts about the closing "Fondly," -- is it a little weird? [more inside]
My preschooler is getting just old enough to have a proper social life (playdates, birthday parties, etc.). I've got some specific questions about the parental etiquette expectations surrounding these kiddie get-togethers. [more inside]
Suggestions for nice things to do for the couples who are nice to you (especially when you're single and kind of broke)? [more inside]
Is it worth it to fly home for my friend's bachelor party? [more inside]
After many years of monogamy followed by several years of celibacy (continually enforced by the fact that, out of raw fiscal necessity, I will continue to share a house and mortgage with my ex for the indefinite future), a chance encounter has left me with the opportunity to enjoy one (or, fingers crossed, more than one!) casual hookup(s) with a breathtakingly attractive near-stranger. Can you walk me through this process -- safety, guidelines, what to do/not do or say, etc. -- like a complete newbie? [more inside]
I am planning on leaving my job, and indeed my current career path, in the next 3-ish months, but for various practical reasons I want to stay for those next 3-ish months. There's a conference coming up that I would absolutely be going to if I were staying in this career. Do I sign up for the conference? If I do, the conference fee will be wasted when one of my coworkers could use the money for their own professional development (and money is tight in our department) and I'm afraid this would cause bad feelings and people would take it personally. [more inside]
Has someone important to you passed away? What was the most comforting/most respectful thing anyone said to you when that happened? I work with the elderly, who die at an accelerated rate. 98% of the time, I genuinely care about the deceased and would like to give comfort to the surviving family. Since this comes up a lot, I feel as if I'm repeating the same phrases over and over. I need more options. I'm specifically asking for things people said to you that were kind. [more inside]
Let's say the Queen of England is visiting Mexico, how does she eat her taco? When she visits the US South, how does she eat ribs? Does she take off her white gloves and eat Injera in Ethopia? More or less the question is: How does "proper etiquette" work for inherently messy food items, especially those of a foreign culture, when consumed by someone of high culture/royalty?
Next month, I will be travelling to Las Vegas. For the very first time in my life. I have a whole bunch of Vegas-newbie questions. I’d like to ask you for your help. [more inside]
My husband mentioned to me some years ago that he'd never had an actual, cake-and-candles, friends from the neighborhood invited, hats and horns birthday party in his entire life. I'd like to give him a small surprise birthday party for his upcoming birthday in late March, but I have questions about how to actually word the invitations. [more inside]
We've decided to get married. Yay! I am the female half of a straight couple, if that matters. In the near future, we want to go to our local (US) courthouse and have a civil ceremony with just a judge and our immediate families present: his parents, my parents, his sibling+partner, my sibling+partner+child. Later this year, we'll throw an informal party and invite our extended circles to that as a larger celebration/reception. Our immediate families are supportive of this plan and just want us to be happy, but I have already gotten some pushback from friends and it gave me pause. So I guess I have questions about the practicality and etiquette of our plan and... whatever else we haven't thought about. Neither of us has been married before. [more inside]
I've asked a couple questions about building a richer social life on AskMeta, and a few times I've gotten the suggestion that I should be spending more one-on-one time with friends and acquaintances. My observations suggest that women socialize this way more often than men do. Tell me I'm wrong, then share tips. [more inside]
A coworker who I don't know all that well has invited me to lunch at her house. There are only going to be the two of us. She is not a drinker to the best of my knowledge so I think my standby bottle of wine is out (is it?) She is in her early - mid 60s and fairly formal and reserved. Failing wine, what else should I bring? Flowers? A plant? Would cookies be okay? She has been having a rough time lately healthwise and is I think rather lonely and down. I asked her what I could bring and she said "Oh nothing! Just yourself!" but let's ignore that.
CatLivingFilter: One of my roommate's two cats has become very attached to me, probably because my roommate (by his own admission) inherited the cat from an ex relationship and never really liked it that much. That's cool--I like cats, and cats like me. What I don't like is that the cat has become so attached that it will yell inconsolably outside my door, scratch at my door, and sometimes even bash into my door in despair of not being in my room. This has become a major sleep disrupting problem for me. What can I reasonably expect my roommate to do to respond to this situation? [more inside]
I have some talent at drawing, but I'm awful at accepting compliments about it, and paranoid about coming off as arrogant (...I could barely type the word 'talent' just then). Help me be less awkward and accept compliments with more dignity! [more inside]
Could the hive mind recommend blogs or other writing about contra dance? I'm especially interested in discussions of technique, etiquette/custom/tradition, and calling. I've previously enjoyed Jeff Kaufman's blog and The Contra Syncretist.
How should I approach asking for a letter of recommendation when the letter writer doesn't write well in English? [more inside]
My fiance and I have different opinions about visiting and whether or not we should call first. I'm not saying either of us are right or wrong, but I'm wondering if it's a regional thing. [more inside]
I don't drink coffee and most of my friends don't either, but I'd like to be able to offer a nice cup to occasional visitors who do drink coffee. What type of small-scale coffee maker would be a good choice: some kind of drip and filter method? French press? Should I buy a small amount of decent quality ground coffee and hope that it keeps well between coffee drinkers? (And what would be a safe, crowd-pleasing choice?) Or should I just forget offering potentially mediocre coffee and offer everyone tea and tisanes?
My friend is growing a beautiful bushy beard and moustache. After several months it's wonderfully luxuriant. But, it's got to the stage where he can't eat without spillage. As for soup, forget about it - he can hardly have a mouthful before he has to wield a napkin and wipe spoonfuls away. My friend is very elegant and finds this sloppiness excruciating, especially in public. [more inside]
I am an academic, and I need advice on how to word my response to a review for a journal article. [more inside]
When you make a call to a service or business, say, you're calling because you have a problem or require a service -- what do /you/ say? [more inside]
Social-Awkwardness filter: I'm a formerly shy person who's recently been getting out there and making friends. I've been sick for the past week. A few people have asked to come over/hang out despite this. I want to know what the etiquette is when you have a persistent cough that borders on retching. Do the people who try to hang out anyway really not care or are they just being polite? Am I going to alienate people by rejecting their multiple attempts to see me? I don't understand why they wouldn't just end up being disgusted by me constantly coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose and being a sick person. [more inside]
Is there a polite way to tell your significant other that you absolutely hate the gifts you've received from them for holiday? But wait!! I'm not being snooty for the reasons you'd think I would! More inside.. [more inside]
Manicure/pedicure etiquette: What exactly do you do during the process? [more inside]
Is it kinda assholey to ask someone to leave their desk when they're eating lunch? [more inside]
I am not Mrs Myhusband'sfirstinitial Myhusband'slastname. I keep getting Christmas cards that suggest I am. Is there any way of nicely asking people not to do this that isn't rude or churlish? [more inside]
I walk to and from work down residential streets. It's dark, especially in Winter. Evidently I walk faster than most other pedestrians as I'm often passing them, not vice-versa. Is there a way to reassure these other pedestrians that I am not hurrying up behind them to rob/murder/kidnap them? [more inside]
Do I need to write a thank you for the interview note under these unique circumstances? [more inside]
Can I go to a sing-along concert of Handel's Messiah and not sing along? [more inside]
I am British. I have recently acquired American in-laws. They are a traditionally Republican family. I, like many Europeans, consider the current iteration of the Republican Party has passed so far beyond the pale as to no longer be a rational organisation. So I saw a post-election graphic on Facebook I would normally have shared, but...I'm wondering how this new branch of family will perceive that. [more inside]
My ex-boyfriend's dad just passed away. What, if anything, should I do? [more inside]
Business etiquette landmines to avoid when making a sales pitch to Japanese business owners. [more inside]
I am a guy living in a co-ed sharehouse in Japan. I may have committed a faux pas, and would like to know proper sharehouse shower etiquette. Details inside. [more inside]
I've got a thank-you note to write to a friend of my parents'-- already quite late, since the gift was given early last month. Difficulty: since then, the recipient's house was damaged fairly badly by Hurricane Sandy, and she's been struggling with the aftermath. I feel like her current rough situation warrants some sort of extra gesture or comment beyond the usual thank-you boilerplate, but what might that be? [more inside]
You: a professor. I: student/applicant for your program. How do you feel about phone contact? Details inside. [more inside]
We are very, very late with our wedding thank-yous. Over a year. We know we are horrible people, okay? Now what? [more inside]
It's 3pm now. Going to an event, a dinner, that starts at 6pm hopefully, but I have a cold. Might it turn out that I am unwelcome at the event if I go? Thing is, I know exactly who gave me the cold and don't really thank them for it. Is it bad etiquette to go to something like this if you have a cold? They are not friends or anything that I would otherwise be exposed to. [more inside]
Should I pick up other dogs' poop while walking my dogs? I pick up my own dogs' poop but I don't pick up other poops when I am on walks. Am I being clueless when I step over another dog's poop without picking it up? [more inside]
How does the etiquette concept that "The only thing ruder than rudeness is pointing out said rudeness" not imply letting oneself get walked all over? Help me understand this, if you would? [more inside]
Introvert needs help with social niceties at a funeral. [more inside]
I've been asked to speak at a student group at my old college, which is about 100 miles away. They've offered to pay for my gas; should I accept, or would it be more charitable to decline?