What is the opinion of the hive mind: if one of my superiors receives a promotion, is it polite to congratulate them or is that the wrong tone? [more inside]
(ugh.) Friend B from this post is getting married next month, and I don't want to go. Or I do want to go, to support her fiance and be with old friends. But I don't want to celebrate her in any way. How do I proceed and keep my dignity? [more inside]
I recently had two very close friends to stay for the weekend. My partner and I put a load of effort into tidying and cleaning the house, buying new towels for our guests, filling the cupboards and fridge with yummy (and expensive!) food, and my partner spent hours cooking. I had a nice, though tiring, weekend (with some awkwardness as we have all changed over the years since we were very, very close) but when the guests had left, my partner pointed out that neither of them had brought a gift (I would never expect something huge, but I don't think I ever don't take a bottle of wine/flowers/chocolates if I go to stay with someone..). We also realised that neither of them had offered to (or taken it upon themselves) to help with the washing up after any of the homemade meals we had - even breakfast! [more inside]
When one half of you is taken how does this affect the plans you can make together? [more inside]
What is proper Craigslist etiquette as a seller in this situation? I listed a couple items. Someone replied. I arranged to meet them at 3:00 today. Then my co-worker said he might want them and he's the one coming over to be a manly presence while I sell this stuff, so I feel obligated to him. Then I got swamped with about twenty other e-mails wanting to set up times to look at the items, and one offering to buy one sight unseen. How to proceed?
English is not my native language and I have a bit of an accent, but I have lived in an English-speaking environment for over 15 years and nobody in my life (work or friends) is ever unable to understand me when I speak. I am currently hosting a friend who I haven't seen for a few years. During her stay, this friend keeps making a big deal out of certain words that I'd pronounce differently from her, and I found it rather immature and frankly infuriating. [more inside]
Do people outside of the US commonly go through the ritual of giving new guests "the tour" of their homes (i.e. a walkthrough, or at least peek at, every single room of the house/apartment, beyond what is necessary--not talking about overnight guests or housesitters, or showing folks the bathroom and where to put the coats)? [more inside]
It is reasonable to assume that, while sitting on an aisle seat on a flight, if I have a body part in the aisle, it is "fair game" for attendants pushing the beverage cart to hit it? [more inside]
So, back in February or so, we were invited to a friend's September wedding in Cape Cod (both us and the friend are in LA). It sounded great; my fiancée and I RSVPed. Now, due to a passel of unforeseen circumstances, we can't really do it. Can you help us get out of it without being giant assholes? [more inside]
I was raised with the expectation that men's hats* MUST come off when entering a building.** This does not appear to be true any longer, or at least isn't true for baseball caps. What's the consensus on leaving a baseball cap on or taking it off? For context, I have explained the exceptions to the rules as I was lead to understand them under the cut, and if it matters I am a 30-year-old white guy living in a city, and I'm looking for the casual-hat rules, not the formal-hat rules. [more inside]
We host a lot of younger people who invite themselves over for dinner and then do not help clean up. I'm not mad or anything, but I am going to start politely asking them to help with dishes. I'd also like to commission a sign that says something along the lines of, "Guests are loved and welcome, and clean dishes are very appreciated." I need ideas. [more inside]
About a week and a half ago, I applied for a job that I would be perfect for. I'm getting antsy. Should I sent a follow-up note? [more inside]
I'm invited to an engagement party. From preliminary research, it appears it's up to me whether or not to give a present... But I need some help figuring this out. Old friend, just meeting her fiance, casual engagement party, will not be invited to wedding. [more inside]
When I'm on the (cell) phone with another person, and I'm not able to hear what they are saying clearly, I get stuck. For persistent low-quality voice calls (i.e. when "can you talk a little louder" isn't the solution and "can you repeat that?" doesn't help), what can I do or say that doesn't make me look like an incompetent, impatient jerk? [more inside]
How long should one wait before indirectly notifying a recent ex via social media that they are in a new relationship? Is this even a thing? [more inside]
I love wearing hats. I have many: fedora, bowler, newsboy, boater, summer straw, cowboy, porkpie . . . . How can I make best use of my suave accessories? [more inside]
We're Americans visiting Berlin. We have some German relatives who live here who we've met before and prior to this visit, when they knew we were coming, they invited us to a party that was already scheduled for during our visit. It's an annual family gathering held at the grandfather's house. Should we bring a gift? If so, what?
What is and is not acceptable to include in job interview follow-up emails? Difficulty level: I'm literally in the middle of a project with them right now. [more inside]
We’re in the very earliest stages of wedding planning, trying to come up with a guest list so that we have approximate numbers in mind when we look into venues, etc. How can - or should - we balance a seriously lopsided family tree with our desire to have our friends there (and not go bankrupt/remain engaged forever)? Details inside. [more inside]
A friend is having a 2-day wedding to a man whom only one of the 4 of our invited group has met, in a location that's an expensive pain in the butt to get to, and will make us all late for work Monday. None of us really want to go. Are we horrible people? [more inside]
I'd like to give an inexpensive token of thanks to each of around 40 people. They are physicians and nurses who are helping on a project. It needs to be something I can get quickly, travel with easily, and ideally no more than $4 US. My ideas so far are Amazon gift cards or Starbucks gift cards. What token gift would you like to receive if you were one of them?
One of my favorite colleagues has a cat, and it is dying. She is just waiting on tests to come back from the vet so they can decide if palliative care is an option or not. I'd like to do something nice to let her know that I'm thinking of her, but need ideas that won't memorialize me as "That girl who did that crazy thing in a misguided attempt to nice." Also looking for a sanity check - if this is a bad idea, please say so (and why). [more inside]
Indians of me-fi: is it commonly accepted etiquette that splitting a restaurant bill with Indian parents is an insult? [more inside]
So, I've jumped into online dating. It's going oddly better than expected, such that I now have a couple etiquette questions: 1) how do I politely turn down a request for a second date? He seems like a kind person and I'd like to avoid hurting his feelings inasmuch as possible, but I wasn't quite feeling that spark of attraction. Is there some equivalent of Miko's breakup talk for this that will help here, something clear but gentle? Also... [more inside]
Am I supposed to tip on the full, normal cost of meals and drinks during happy hour? [more inside]
I googled my new supervisor at my volunteer gig and found out that this person is trans and doesn't identify with a binary gender. I don't know how I should refer to my supervisor now. Some questions about how to proceed. [more inside]
What's the protocol for blocking/unfriending a coworker if you still want to be friends with almost all your other coworkers on Facebook? [more inside]
I've recently been teamed on a project with a co-worker who dresses and acts professionally, but tends to wear low-cut blouses. The problem is not what she is wearing but that she is frequently, nervously making adjustments to her neckline. So often that it's now making me nervous. Question inside. [more inside]
Someone I work with is Turkish and in Turkey for the summer. He asked me to let him know if I would like something from Turkey. I do! But do I take him up on it? [more inside]
This is sort of an etiquette question. A scholarship that I'm receiving is requesting the school's bank account information. I have been trying to reach my financial aid advisor for the past 4 days. I emailed her 4 days ago and did not get a reply. Thus, I called her office several times yesterday and today and no one answered. I left her a voicemail message asking her to call me back and she still hasn't called. Today, I showed up at her office and I was told that she was out for lunch. I couldn't wait so I left a note at her desk to call me back. She never did. Should I continue to pester this lady until she responds? It's very frustrating that I haven't been able to get a hold of her but at the same time I don't want to be a bother or seem impatient if she's indeed really busy. Please advise. Thank you!
I work in an office that shares an office with a group of guys. The guy who is in charge of that office is sort of a dick, or at least I've always gotten that vibe. There is one bathroom and I am the only woman in the office. I used the bathroom once in the morning. [more inside]
I agreed to be a bridesmaid for a friend who wants her bridesmaids to be a lot more present (physically) than I am going to be able to in the lead-up to the wedding. What do I do now? [more inside]
What thank-you gift for a couple of nice librarians? [more inside]
I know next to nothing about weddings, so I'm looking for advice to successfully support one of my best friends who is having a disagreement with her soon-to-be fiance about who gets to pick the ring out. [more inside]
Should I, a non-Muslim woman, wear a hijab to a Muslim burial? What else do I need to know to avoid offending anyone there? [more inside]
Yesterday I took a (metred) taxi in Bali. Upon arriving at my destination, I attempted to pay the driver. He said "no sir, no sir" and made me get out of the taxi, at which point I paid him by passing the money to him through the open passenger-side window. Is this some kind of local taxi etiquette? Is there a reason for it?
My partner and I are hosting a housewarming party and we've invited more people that I think we can accommodate. What's the best way to make sure the party goes smoothly and what are some things we can do to help things along? [more inside]
I "met" an internet friend over the weekend who it turns out is someone I actually dated in high school. I am really embarrassed and hate that I've been an accidental jerk, and I'm not sure what to do now. You know, other than feel like kind of an idiot. [more inside]
Am I out of bounds here or is it an accepted email etiquette norm now that acknowledging an email is optional? [more inside]
I screwed up at work - which was compounded by a string of just plain bad luck. It got really ugly. Maybe could even lose my job. I'm thinking of having a heart-to-heart call with my leadership to apologize for the bits that were my responsibility...Not to grovel and save my ass, but to communicate that I know I impacted them and the team. Bad idea? Does an apology ever help in a workplace, or does it just help affix blame and make everyone uncomfortable?
Job in question is an on-call healthcare position that's interesting, but I know I'll be relocating soon. Details inside. [more inside]
How do I keep my job if a manager hates me? [more inside]
A former distant colleague of mine is a trans woman. I'm pretty clear on the importance of not misgendering people, but I'm running into one or two slightly awkward practical issues in making sure I don't screw that up. [more inside]
Difficulty level: Dutch/Canadian/Australian. Mr Fish and I are getting married in July. A lot of Mr Fish's Canadian family are coming, and this is my first time meeting a lot of them. We absolutely do not expect gifts but we're already getting questions about registries. Do international registries exist? [more inside]
I need to back out of a project that (thankfully) hasn't started yet--how do I write an email that doesn't sound flaky or weasel-y, and ideally lets me keep my client? [more inside]
I am getting married in the middle of July 2014, and have a link to our gift registries on our wedding website. We sent out "Save the Date" cards in January that had the URL for our website printed on it. So it is now the end of February, and we are already starting to receive giant parcels of food processors and other household items which we have put on our registry. Should we wait until after our wedding to start using these items, or should we treat these items in the same way one would treat a wrapped Christmas gift, and wait until the actual event for which these gifts were purchased for has transpired? What's the normal etiquette for a thing like this?
Cross-country skiing on trails also used by snowmobiles: Apart from common courtesy and common sense, is there any etiquette that I should be aware of? [more inside]
This weekend, I'm going to have a home infusion nurse in my house for approximately 4 hours a day while I'm hooked up to an IV. This process is going to repeat every 4-5 weeks indefinitely, to treat an autoimmune condition. What do I do with her? [more inside]
I work in a co-working space with folks who all have their mobile ringers turned on with the shrill "rotary phone" ringtone turned all the way up. Please help me write an email to solve this. [more inside]
I live in a big city and am a part of a group of 10 or so women whose babies are all turning 1 in and around the same month. At best, I would say the majority of these women are acquaintances, people who it's been nice to spend time with on weekdays while on maternity leave, but who I may not see after that. The birthday party invites are starting to come out and we are being invited to many of the family parties. Problem is, for my babies birthday we intend to have a small gathering of family and a handful of very close friends and maybe a couple of the women from the group who I've become close with. Would it be appropriate to write the group and indicate that we are having a small party for family only and tell the two women I'm inviting not to mention their invites? Should I suggest to the group that we do the birthday equivalent of a Secret Santa to save us from buying 9 presents for the other babies? I should add that I am currently unemployed and a bit concerned about the expense of gifts for all of the babies. Thoughts and any suggestions to navigate this?