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Check writing/cashing etiquette

My husband and I are disagreeing about check writing and cashing etiquette. [more inside]
posted by disaster77 on Jan 24, 2014 - 58 answers

Band guest list etiquette?

We're going to a gig tonight that is massively sold out … and we're on the guest list. Are guest lists completely at the whim of the venue, or are there general guidelines that apply to most venues? We want to enjoy the show, but don't want to be “that guy” who ruins it for those nearby. [more inside]
posted by scruss on Jan 19, 2014 - 18 answers

Should I send a thank you note via snail mail after a first interview?

I had a first interview for a job today. Before I left, they said they wanted me to come back next week for a second interview (yay!). I sent a thank you email when I got home after the interview. I'm usually in the habit of sending a snail mail note after a first interview (it has secured a second interview in the past) but with a second interview already planned should I send the snail mail note this time around? Or save that for after the second interview? Thanks in advance for your advice.
posted by macadamiaranch on Jan 14, 2014 - 17 answers

Facebook etiquette: to tag or not to tag?

Is tagging OK when you want to make sure that specific people will see (or, at least, be notified about) a specific post? Even if it would mean tagging about 20-30 people... [more inside]
posted by lost_lettuce on Dec 23, 2013 - 13 answers

Facebook etiquette for what is basically, a year-long vacation?

After years of saving and planning, I've been able to realize my dream of traveling the world for a year. I'm 6 months into my trip and I've been posting photos or updates about where I am in the world on facebook about 2 or 3 times a week. While many people have expressed appreciation for the updates or interest in what I'm doing, I've noticed about 7-10 friends who used to interact with me all the time on FB and real life have totally stopped liking/commenting/sending messages although they're still very active on the site. I kind of suspect some of them have blocked me from their timelines. I know not everyone will have an opportunity like this and I try to be sensitive to that. I'm not preachy about "the importance of travel", or posting pics of 5 star hotel rooms and fancy restaurants (I'm doing this as cheaply as possible, mostly hostels in developing countries and couchsurfing.) At the same time I LOVE seeing others' travel pics and, well, want to share some of the exciting, amazing things I'm experiencing with people in my life. But some people seem put off by this, so I'm wondering - am I being a jerk? What's the etiquette here?
posted by horizons on Dec 20, 2013 - 55 answers

When is it appropriate to ask about someone's health?

A friend of mine (let's call her "Sarah") came over for dinner at my flat last week. Some way through the meal (just after the first bottle of wine was finished) she told us that her partner had recently been tested for a very serious medical condition. She then said that she "hadn't intended to talk about it". She will have recently received the results of this test, and I'm wondering whether it's appropriate to ask her what the result of the test was. I care a lot about Sarah and her partner (who is an incredibly warm and wonderful person), but I don't want to intrude. On the other hand, I don't want to be unsupportive. A few details are below the fold. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 19, 2013 - 8 answers

Etiquette for contacting possible post-doc opportunity

I'm about to finish my PhD this coming Spring in the U.S., and although the funding I received was specifically for creating "practitioners" I'd actually like to sharpen my research and publication skills via a post-doc. The thing is, most researchers in my area are in the U.K. How do I introduce myself to them? [more inside]
posted by absquatulate on Dec 19, 2013 - 5 answers

What does getting married have to do with Christmas cards?

My partner and I got married a few months ago, and now we are receiving Christmas cards from people who had not sent us any before. Why? [more inside]
posted by Pwoink on Dec 19, 2013 - 27 answers

Letter etiquette, reply to a job offer: 'thanks, but no thanks'

My SO applied for, was interviewed for, and subsequently was offered an academic post (lectureship). Some stuff just wasn't right from the outset, and all the contact with the department made it clear that it's not the right place to be working. Please help us to say 'no thanks' correctly. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 19, 2013 - 14 answers

Attending the funeral. Do I send flowers also?

Usually I think of sending flowers when I won't be able to attend a funeral. I will be attending one this week, for a pretty close relative, and another relative asked me to go in on some flowers. Is it customary to send flowers even if you're attending? This is in the US.
posted by lakeroon on Dec 15, 2013 - 16 answers

Question for lawyers and law types, but not asking for legal advice

Suppose two adverse parties meet in a formal legal setting (for instance, suppose plaintiff is being deposed and defendant shows up to observe). Should the parties shake hands? Would it be rude if one of the parties doesn't want to shake hands? I certainly appreciate that the lawyers or other representatives of the parties should shake hands, but what (if any) are the customary duties of civility with respect to hand-shaking between adverse parties themselves? Is it necessary, or is a grim-but-civil "How do you do?" statement between parties enough? (Or is this simply a huge plate of beans that I'm overthinking?) I guess my own view is that there is significant tension between the basic duties of civility between any two members of society and the hostile behavior or insult that has created a lawsuit.
posted by Mr. Justice on Dec 14, 2013 - 13 answers

Is it irresponsible for me to keep my cell phone on 'silent' at night?

Here's the thing: I don't have a land-line. Over Thanksgiving, my mother got upset at the thought that she couldn't reach me late at night if there were some kind of emergency - the dreaded "3 am phone call." I understand her worry, but I'm feeling very resistant to the idea of keeping the phone on at night. In part, this because I know that most of the calls I'll get will just be annoying and unwanted (I have a fairly severe telemarketing issue) but I think there is also a kind of psychological resistance. I'm a slave to my phone already for all these hours of the day, and it feels good to know it won't be bothering me while I'm sleeping. I'm reluctant to give that up. Can you help me sort through these issues? [more inside]
posted by pretentious illiterate on Dec 2, 2013 - 78 answers

Google Glass Etiquette

Given that many people are divided about Google Glass, with some people especially resistant to even the idea of someone wearing them, how, when and what would be appropriate for someone wearing them? I'd especially like to hear feedback from people who are averse to the concept. [more inside]
posted by mulligan on Nov 27, 2013 - 43 answers

SelfishFilter: Is there a polite way to say "gifts ok"?

Some friends are throwing us a wedding reception and have requested "no gifts" on the invitation. Can I somehow ask them to change that or is that just the done thing now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 24, 2013 - 60 answers

Couple Dilema

How to respond to a self invite for a vacation? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 10, 2013 - 16 answers

But I don't like you - must I toast to you?

My stepsister is getting married this Saturday, a stepsister who has always presumed closeness to everyone in her stepfamily. I do not like her very much for reasons that are not relevant here. I am a bridesmaid in the wedding. She e-mailed all of the bridesmaids and in the same e-mail about our jewelry, mentioned that they'd be making time for speeches during the rehearsal dinner while the band is on a break (yes! There's a band at the rehearsal dinner, which is a whole other story...). She asked for us to let her know if anyone was interested in giving a toast. Should I? [more inside]
posted by juliagulia on Nov 7, 2013 - 39 answers

Go Home, Little Girl

What is the parental etiquette for when someone's kid comes to your door trying play with your kid, you tell them no, we're having dinner, and kid essentially won't take no for an answer and tries to continue to get into your house? What is the best way to redirect said kiddo from this behavior again if I can't say anything to her parents? [more inside]
posted by tafetta, darling! on Nov 5, 2013 - 23 answers

I'm having coffee with a potential employer... What should I know?

I'm scheduled to meet over coffee with a potential employer. What's considered good etiquette in this situation? How should I be prepared? [more inside]
posted by ScarletLark on Oct 17, 2013 - 11 answers

How can I postpone a job interview?

My mental health took a crash and I need to postpone a job interview I have scheduled this week. How can I do it / how should I word it? [more inside]
posted by htid on Oct 14, 2013 - 13 answers

playing the field, doggy edition

My husband and I are in the process of adopting a dog. Based on online profiles and email conversations with foster families, we've got it narrowed down to two pups that have been fostered through two local rescue groups. Now we are scheduling in-person meetings with the dogs and "home visits" where they send a volunteer to make sure our house is ok for a dog. Should we be telling each group that we are deciding between two dogs, which we're meeting on Thursday and Friday? [more inside]
posted by vytae on Oct 9, 2013 - 10 answers

'We like you fine, but we're not buying dinner for you.'

We met with a potential wedding reception venue today to get a quote, and the owner suggested that we can invite some people just to the party after the ceremony and dinner. From a cost cutting perspective that sounds awesome. But is it just too squicky, etiquette-wise? [more inside]
posted by nerdfish on Oct 9, 2013 - 42 answers

Follow-up after a wedding gift was sent - is six weeks too soon?

Is it too early - or is it a jerky move - to ask friends if they got a wedding gift I sent six weeks ago? [more inside]
posted by handful of rain on Oct 1, 2013 - 35 answers

How do I use digital technology to let people know about a funeral?

My grandfather is likely to die within the next few months. I am trying to figure out how, when it comes to that point, to inform people of the time of the funeral and the shiva, because I do not want to have to think about this when he dies. I do not want to phone or text anyone except two or three of my close friends. How do I inform other people? [more inside]
posted by jeather on Sep 30, 2013 - 16 answers

Am I breaking some unwritten cell phone rule?

When people call my cell phone and don't leave a voicemail, I tend not to call them back. Should I? Is there a pervasive cultural expectation of which I am unaware that one is obligated to return missed calls? [more inside]
posted by coppermoss on Sep 30, 2013 - 93 answers

Is it appropriate for me to attend my friend's grandmother's funeral?

After a slow, sad decline over the past decade, one of my best friend's much beloved grandmother has passed away. While I never met her ouma in person my friend has often shared stories of her life, the things she had taught her and more recently the sorrow of her drawn out illness and her fears for the future as it became clear she didn't have very long left in this world. My question is: is it appropriate for me to attend the funeral service this coming week? [more inside]
posted by Philby on Sep 28, 2013 - 37 answers

That went well, right?

Had a great first date with a woman who seems pretty busy. She cancelled our second date, asked for a rain check, and I haven't heard from her since. What's the etiquette here? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 21 answers

Help me send my embarrassingly late birth announcements & thank yous

Okay, so mini me was born over 7 months ago and I spent a fair bit of money printing lovely birth announcements with matching thank you cards. Then, of course, I neglected to ever send them and now have no idea what the polite/appropriate thing to do is. [more inside]
posted by annekate on Sep 24, 2013 - 17 answers

Gift receiving etiquette

I'm a stickler for thank you notes. I send them promptly (within a few days to a week). A big reason I like to send them promptly is so that the giver knows I received the gift and that it didn't get lost in transit. I do wonder, though, if I should also call or text the giver immediately (and sometimes I do). My question: is it ever rude NOT to acknowledge receipt of a mailed gift immediately - by phone, text, or email - when a mailed thank you note is imminent?
posted by juliagulia on Sep 24, 2013 - 7 answers

Thank you in advance

"Thank you in advance." This is a phrase that annoys me. Should it? [more inside]
posted by mister_kaupungister on Sep 24, 2013 - 53 answers

how can I avoid answering standard, polite questions?

I hate responding to small-talk interrogations. I'm a private person, and I just don't feel ok with giving relative strangers answers to personal-feeling questions, even though the questions themselves may be fairly innocuous. I also get confused and flustered when people ask me a lot of questions, and I will make mistakes, even though they are about me. How can I avoid answering these kinds of questions? [more inside]
posted by windykites on Sep 20, 2013 - 26 answers

How to split a restaurant bill.

When should a restaurant bill be split evenly between all parties? [more inside]
posted by futureisunwritten on Sep 14, 2013 - 46 answers

How should I cope when sharing a car with a dangerous driver?

I've recently had occasion to take a multi-hour drive with someone who who very consistently drove in a matter that felt very dangerous to me. There was a lot of tailgating, sudden lane changing, and more than a few last-second turns. I sat quietly in the back seat. [more inside]
posted by Sokka shot first on Sep 5, 2013 - 24 answers

another long good-bye

Little Llama's grandfather takes care of her for a few hours after school some days, before me or Mr. Llama get home from work. What are some sensitive, deft ways to get your beloved family member childcare provider to go home at the end of the day? [more inside]
posted by A Terrible Llama on Sep 3, 2013 - 17 answers

You Say It's Your Birthday!

A quick question about Korean culture and receiving gifts. [more inside]
posted by CoinOp on Aug 27, 2013 - 5 answers

I'm dating-challenged and dropped the ball. How I do pick it back up?

Over last weekend I spent a whole bunch of time with a lovely woman--dinners, picnics, walks, wine under the stars etc. These weren't explicitly dates, but it all seemed pretty romantic. At the end of the evening on Saturday and Sunday we had these awkward pauses when my insecurities and my desire to--give a goodnight kiss? Express my attraction? Or something--were warring. I don't know what she was thinking but it was awkward on both sides. Now I won't see her for a month. Do I email her and explicitly say that I'm interested? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 26, 2013 - 25 answers

Etiquette for correspondence with a professor under whom I may work?

I have emailed a professor about volunteering in her lab and, propitiously for me, she said that she'd be happy to give me this opportunity and will be in contact with me in September. Where do I go from here? [more inside]
posted by metacognition on Aug 26, 2013 - 5 answers

Professional etiquette: I don't want to step on toes

I've been invited to sub-contract on a proposal by a friend/colleague who works for a larger firm that's putting in the bid. While my role would only be related to one specific piece of the overall project, I'm reading the draft of the whole proposal, and I think the document needs significant polishing. Can I tell my friend/colleague? How to approach it? Snowflakes -> [more inside]
posted by dry white toast on Aug 25, 2013 - 5 answers

NSFW question about strip clubs

I am not a regular strip club attendee, so when I went to one today I had an unusual experience that I don't know if it was normal, and if it is how others handle it. It's NSFW and embarrassing, so details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2013 - 13 answers

Now we get to the nitty-gritty etiquette questions.

What is the proper way to carry a furled umbrella? [more inside]
posted by backseatpilot on Aug 12, 2013 - 24 answers

What do I say?

So my fiance and I broke up recently. While a lot of the people in our community know, I continue to encounter situations in which I'm asked, "How's your fiance?" or "What's new with you?" I want them to know so they stop asking me. But if I say, "Actually, we broke up" their face falls and we enter a very awkward conversation full of forced empathy neither of us want to be in. What can I say in a sentence or two to avoid this fate? [more inside]
posted by ictow on Aug 9, 2013 - 21 answers

a smelly situation

Our friend gave us a loathsome housewarming gift, and we are in an etiquette bind! [more inside]
posted by Aubergine on Aug 7, 2013 - 47 answers

Hey, mature people: Are you noticing how I'm cutting my food?

So from what I understand you're supposed to do it zig-zag style, especially in a nice restaurant - fork-stab with your left hand, cut with your right hand, then switch fork to your right hand and eat. I don't do that. [more inside]
posted by windbox on Aug 6, 2013 - 43 answers

Thanks, but...

How do we politely decline children's clothes? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 5, 2013 - 23 answers

How would you want to be turned down for a job?

I'm in the process of interviewing mid-senior level candidates and would like to let them know when they are not making it to the next level in the process. If you were a job hunter in this situation what would you want to hear while being turned down for further consideration? I'm looking for an email script! [more inside]
posted by rainydayfilms on Jul 26, 2013 - 30 answers

Barbershop Etiquette

I'm afraid I don't understand the ways of the barbershop. Perhaps you can help? [more inside]
posted by jaksemas on Jul 19, 2013 - 9 answers

All your friends posted on your timeline...except one.

Facebook Filter: Possibly beanplating the etiquette of birthday wishes on social media. Details within. [more inside]
posted by xenization on Jul 15, 2013 - 25 answers

Long distance break-up

I have looked at other long-distance breakup questions, but mine has additional complications. We are semi-long distance, they have a car and I do not. In order to get to their place I take a train, they pick me up at the station, then it's a twenty minute drive from the station town through a rural area to his town. Cabs are extremely scarce and generally unwilling to travel between towns. How should I do this? [more inside]
posted by Hey nonny nonny mouse on Jul 10, 2013 - 26 answers

What's a good sort-of-host-gift for a first-time house visit?

At the behest of a third-party acquaintance, I'll be visiting the house of someone I don't know, to see a Cool Thing that's relevant to my interests. What (if anything) is an appropriate gift to bring along in these circumstances? [more inside]
posted by yersinia on Jul 10, 2013 - 18 answers

How to politely tell people to read their f*cking emails?

I frequently get asked for information or asked to answer questions that I have already provided/answered in a previous email. This is time-consuming. How best to deal with this? [more inside]
posted by ladybird on Jul 4, 2013 - 46 answers

Etiquette in referring to Nurse Practitioners

I am a pre-med student, and have been shadowing lots of doctors lately. When I finish shadowing, I usually write a thank you note to the doctor, and to the staff in the office where I've been shadowing (basically thanking them for being welcoming while I'm in their work space). How should I address the notes I'm writing for this most recent shadowing, where a Nurse Practitioner is also in the office? [more inside]
posted by ocherdraco on Jul 3, 2013 - 8 answers

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