Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with etiquette

Anniversary of friend's toddler's death coming up

mrmarley — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 16:42:21 -0800

My friend's two year old daughter passed away suddenly last January. I am planning to send flowers on the anniversary of her passing. But before doing so, I wanted to make sure this is an appropriate gesture to mark the day. If yes- should the flowers be lilies? What kind of lilies? If not lilies, what other flowers are appropriate? If it matters, they live in another state, and I sent a donation to their designated charity on the child's birthday, along with a note. thank you

Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.

lizbunny — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 14:24:55 -0800

Social etiquette guidelines for (professional) women? I would like some books, blogs and general-concensus ideas & recommendations on how to be a well-mannered, gracious lady in a modern, professional setting. I've come across lots of older books on etiquette, mostly geared towards gentlemen or housewives fifty years ago. Many of the ideas are timeless, sure, but etiquette for women (in business, today) seems to be a little trickier to pin down.

Many things could be done in a more graceful manner, but it's not always clear to me. For instance, when a guy opens a door for you to be polite (or even chivalrous), but there is another door right after that (double set of doors), what do you do? Open the next door yourself and walk through first? Open and hold the door for him?

What other situations have you come across like this, and what do you think is the best solution?

For a little background, I'm a Canadian process engineer in a mostly male environment. I work in a newly opened office for a large consulting firm, so we're small but business is picking up fast. This means my work group is getting lots of face time with clients and contractors (both local and international), attention from upper management and interaction with other offices.

This was brought on partially from spending time with some well-bred british friends and coming to realize that, though I'm not an embarassment, there must be some finer points to etiquette of which I am unaware. That and Mad Men...

Thanks!

We've been wished a merry Christmas-how to respond?

brambory — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 09:42:58 -0800

We have an infestation of Christmas carolers. Help! Husband and I are both non-natives to the UK. We just moved into a neighbourhood where the kids, apparently, believe in caroling. I seem to recall that carolers should be given treats, but can't remember being given anything when I was force-marched as a child with the church on caroling missions. H. has no clue, as it's not usual where he comes from.

So, what's the etiquette in the UK for Christmas carolers, especially ones who are under 12 and without an adult?

[For the record, I've given the carolers so far nominal amounts of change. Husband has just stood there, bewildered, finally managed to say, 'That's very nice, but, what are you doing?'--possibly scaring away any future carolers]

What to return of my ex's stuff, and how?

hepta — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 11:30:02 -0800

How should I return my ex's things - and how? So my ex and I broke up. Sad, but that is another post that I have tried (and failed) to make many times. The point is, I have some of his stuff and I don't want it. I have a book, a Nintendo DS, and a childhood stuffed toy that I want to give back to him. I also have a sweater he gave me, a rugby shirt that I ended up with that he has said he is glad that I have "after all this", and some assorted odds and ends (things like mix cds).

We live in different towns - he goes to school in my hometown. I am going home for Christmas for a month, which is when I figure I can return these things. There is, however, a complication. His girlfriend and he have agreed that he isn't allowed to/going to speak to me, and the last time we did speak he expressed annoyance that I wasn't compartmentalizing as well as him/wasn't "getting over it" as well. However, the likelihood of us running into each other at home are not insignificant: we use the same gym, the same library (where I will need to be writing some takehome exams), live mere blocks from each other, etc.

So, plan: I am still friends with his roomate and I plan to text him and ask him to tell my when my ex is not home (I know when his exams are) and then go by and drop the stuff off. My questions are this:

Does this seem like a good idea? Am I missing anything/is there a better idea?
I am afraid that maybe I am doing this because I *want* to see him, does this mean I shouldn't do it?
Should I return the things that he gave me, as well as the things I was borrowing? I feel like those things have transferred ownership, and are now "mine", despite any bad juju they might now have.

I genuinely do not want this stuff and don't think it is anything I can throw out (a childhood stuffed toy? I have no right to keep it and that is the kind of thing that doesn't belong in the trash).

Getting married next may, what's the etiquette for inviting friends of parents.

valadil — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 07:13:26 -0800

All my recently married friends said that most of their wedding drama came from their parents asking to invite friends. My parents have begun campaigning for a few of their friends to be invited. What's the correct response? If we tell them yes, does that mean that my fiancee's parents should also get friend invites? Or does it depend on who kicked in how much money?

We don't want to be jerks but we also don't want to be doormats about this. What's appropriate in this situation?

Form of Wallowing Garbage Scow!

winna — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:49:41 -0800

Yet another swimming exercise and etiquette question. I wanted to start swimming because I was tired of doing an hour a day on the elliptical machine. I have read Total Immersion, read the Masters Swimming site, and all the relevant previous questions.

With that said, I have some questions. The first is I'd like to know what etiquette should I be observing at the pool? I go later at night so I have my own lane, I have my hair in a cap, and I shower before going in. What are things that would be obvious to a swimmer that I wouldn't know? For example, last night was the first time I went. I didn't have a watch, so the only way I knew it was time to leave was when someone who worked there told me the pool was closing. Was that a terrible breach of protocol, or does it not matter that much if I get out when they tell me to?

I have glasses, but I bought goggles. The problem is that I have truly terrible vision, and without my glasses I can't see anything at all. If I don't wear my goggles, can I wear my glasses in the pool, or would that look too goofy until I get an water-resistant watch?

Then there's the odd fact that I was prepared to be exhausted after a few minutes and a single lap, as everyone had told me I would. However I swam laps, only pausing for about twenty seconds at either end, for forty-five minutes without a break. My arms are a little sore this morning, but that's all. I can't swim very well and I'm extremely slow, but I can manage to do a shoddy imitation of a crawl or a backstroke and an awkward breaststroke. I have been going to the gym for years, but I thought the conventional wisdom was that swimming exhausted non-swimmers. Is it possible that I am swimming incorrectly enough that I'm not making enough effort for it to count as exercise?

And finally, I am having enormous trouble figuring out how to swim, and I'm trying to remember how to do it correctly. Other than doing my breaststroke, which I try to manage so as not to disrupt other lanes, am I bothering other swimmers with my ineptitude? Is the pool sort of like the weight room, in that at a certain level of incompetence no one notices or cares? For some reason I'm hypersensitive about looking ridiculous in the water. Is there any reason to think that other swimmers care at all about how badly I swim? I am enormously, hideously fat, so I am already used to a certain level of bizarre side glances when I work out, but something about the near-nudity of swimming makes the thought of people critiquing my swimming and person far worse.

Did IPCC contributors each win the Nobel prize?

PercussivePaul — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 15:37:58 -0800

If someone contributed to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change's work on climate change, for which the organization was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, is this person a Nobel laureate? If not, what are they? I ask because I know a few professors who were IPCC members and/or contributors and they tend to talk about it in their bios. Usually it's "X contributed to the IPCC's work on climate change, for which the IPCC was awarded the Nobel prize". However, just now I came across someone who says "X contributed to the IPCC's work on climate change, for which he [i.e. X] was awarded the Nobel prize".

This latter use seems improper, but I'm not sure. What do you think? When an organization wins a prize, how are the contributors properly credited?

Help me stay on good terms with my customer after my boss screws them!

gakiko — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 05:32:38 -0800

My boss is going to end a contract with one customer, although the customer would want to go on using our services. Boss's decision is because the service in question is not profitable enough anymore. I'm in charge of this contract and like the customer ie. all the people there who I work with. I think the feeling is mutual. These people also have some expertise and contacts I would like to maybe use some day. So how do I come out of this still being (business-) friends with them?

One month to Masters

j-dawg — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:11:31 -0800

What's the best way to indicate a degree I've completed but haven't officially been awarded yet? This seems silly, but came up twice today. I've recently completed the final requirement for a masters degree, but of course, won't officially be considered "graduated" until the end of the semester.

However, I've encountered instances where it seems appropriate to indicate the pending degree in correspondence (but not appropriate to write a whole sentence about it). What's correct? (Fake name and degree in examples.)

Jay Dawg, MNS (to be awarded Dec. '09)

Jay Dawg, MNS (pending award)

Jay Dawg (MNS anticipated Dec. '09)

Something else? Does it matter? It all seems a bit overthought, but there must be a protocol or etiquette to this, right?

Thanks!

Etiquette? What's an etiquette?

logic vs love — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 13:34:07 -0800

My baby shower was two months ago and I still haven't sent the thank you cards. My baby is now a month old. Can I send out the thank you cards and the birth announcements together, or is that horribly tacky? I feel terrible about sending the thank you cards so late, but I've never written a thank you card before (Yes, I'm awful.) so I procrastinated out of intimidation. Now that I'm finally feeling normal enough to actually get around to it, it's time to also send out the birth announcements. Can I send out cards that both thank and announce? Or put two cards in the same envelope? Or should I mail them separately, even if they're sent out on the same day?

Bonus Question: Do I apologize for mailing them so late when writing the thank you note?

Leather in vegetarian restaurants

Hoopo — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:04:19 -0800

Is it rude to wear leather to a vegetarian restaurant? So about a month ago, I decided to go to an Indian vegetarian restaurant in the neighborhood. When I was about to sit down, I took off my jacket to put it on the back of the chair and realized: it's made of dead animal. No one said anything or gave me any funny looks, but I wonder in a more general sense if this is considered a "faux-pas."

My Glasses Are Not Held Together With Tape, Honest.

VioletU — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:35:05 -0800

I've just returned to college as a mature student and I'm doing really, really well (marks in the low to high 90s, for the most part). I'm proud of myself but I have no idea how to interact with my classmates who aren't doing as well without sounding like a complete jerk. I don't have experience with this! I could use some advice or etiquette. There have been some... incidents. Some details that might help:

This is the first time I've ever done really well in school, despite being a so-called "gifted" child - I've always been the sort who either had to do well naturally or I just didn't bother to try. I was kicked out of university when I was in my early 20s and I later dropped out of other college courses. My good marks this time around aren't due to some form of magic; it's a combination of hard work, effort, obsessive attention to detail and a sheer determination to do my best in a program that's really meaningful to me.

The college program I'm in is highly competitive (they accepted 40-ish students out of more than 700 applicants in our small city). The students are an even mix of adults (our oldest student is in her late 50s, I believe) and recent high-school graduates, and all have a combination of intelligence, experience, and did well on the interviews, references and essays required for admission. I get along well with most of my classmates and would consider a few of them to be actual friends.

The problem is that I keep having awkward conversations that, thanks to my previous academic slacking, I have no idea how to handle.

For example:

Her: I heard you got 98% on the exam.
Me: Yes.
Her: I failed. I mean, really, WHO would know the answer to X and Y?!
Me: ...

I have no idea what to say. Every possible response seems either condescending ("Maybe you should study harder/differently next time?") or like I'm gloating ("REALLY?! You didn't know?!") or just plain awkward ("Oh, well, um.. hey, I like your shoes!"). So I basically stand there silently and inwardly freak out about that silence.

It gets worse.

If I try to give a response along the lines of, "Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry." there are a few people who will say, "YOU don't have to worry about it! YOU are doing really well!" .. which is true, but.. again, I'm working my ass off. SAYING that, however, makes me sound like a jerk because they're probably working their asses off too. My response, then, is to basically stammer something and try to escape.

Wait, there's more!

I have a good relationship, I feel, with the core professors in my program. They seem to recognize that I'm working hard and that I try to contribute meaningfully in class (we're partially graded on classroom participation). It's not uncommon for a prof to say something like, "Good answer, VioletU!" or "The rest of you should consider what she's saying, too.." which makes my little heart glow, of course, but I can see why my classmates might not always be thrilled.

Me: Wow, that class was pretty rough today, huh?
Him: Yeah, well, Prof X thinks you're just plain amazing so you don't have to worry about THAT.
Me: ...

I need the profs to like me as much as possible - they're responsible for my grades, for pete's sake, not to mention my field placements, references, etc. But I'm not sucking up; I legitimately find the classes interesting and want to participate.

I don't want to spend the next 1.5 years being the student everyone hates, however.

I can't hide my achievements, as marks are fairly open to everyone and it's a small class. As the term goes on, I'm hearing more "Smartypants!" and "Brain!" comments and I'm worried it'll become more negative. Any thoughts as to how I can keep achieving without making my classmates hate me? How to respond to the sorts of comments above?

How to leave a small team for another job.

dorothy humbird — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:37:27 -0800

What's the best way to inform your employer that you're looking / have found new employment? Asking this for the bee eff:

"I've currently been employed at my current company for over a year. It's never been my plan to work here more than two or three years, as I miss living in the city and having easy access to the people I left behind there. However, this is my first "real" job. All my prior employment has been either grunt work, or student research positions that were, by their nature, of fixed length, so I don't have a lot of experience with leaving jobs for new opportunities.

I've gotten to like a lot of my coworkers, and we're a fairly small division within a fairly small company. I know it might be stupid, but I'm having difficulty figuring out how to inform them, when the time comes, that I've found new employment, because somehow it seems like a betrayal or abandonment. Weird, I know. Complicating matters is that I work for a software company with a roughly yearly release schedule. I definitely don't want to leave in the middle of a cycle, as that would really throw their planning out of whack.

With that in mind, what is the best way to inform your current employer of a change? Do you let them know while you're looking? I would think you'd only let them know after you've found another position. In that case, how much warning do you give? Two weeks notice doesn't seem like a lot of time to find a replacement, especially on a small team.

Thanks for any input."

Help me make my excuses for not attending a party at the last minute

t0astie — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 02:01:08 -0800

How can I gracefully pull out of attending a party at the last moment? I know there is no really truly good way to do this. But I'm due to attend a party in about five minutes and I just REALLY don't want to go. Three days ago, I was all ''I'll see you there'' to the host, who is someone I've previously been friends with but have come to dislike quite a bit. I thought I would just go to this thing and then have nothing more to do with her. But actually, now it's come time to leave, I'd rather skip straight to ''nothing more to do with her''.

I know, on one level, that if I'm having nothing more to do with her, it doesn't really matter what I say. But I'd still prefer not to be outright offensive and just not turn up. She's not a bad person or deserving of rudeness just because I don't like her.

So AskMe, I ask you, what is the least painful / most graceful way I can advise I'm not coming after all? Preference for short and simple rather than elaborate excuses.

How to ask for gifts tactfully.

picklebird — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 04:53:53 -0800

EtiquetteFilter: Baby shower without the shower? Please help me find a tactful way to ask for gifts to be sent now even though actual shower/party won't take place until after the baby is born. We're having a baby! Yay! Here's the issue. I grew up in California and all of my family and old family friends still live there. We currently live over 3000 miles away and a 6 hour plane flight away. Due to bad timing, work obligations, and then being too late to do air travel, I am not going to make it back there for a baby shower before our baby is born in January. We plan on visiting with the baby in the early spring. A close family friend, my mom, and my sisters (and I) are planning to have a get-together/open house/party then for everyone to meet the baby and for us to see everyone.

The same family friend is nicely trying to dream up a way to see that gifts could be sent to us now (across the country) before the baby is born in order to help us out. She is calling it a "virtual shower" and would like to send an email letting people know about the baby on the way and where we're registered, etc.-- a kind of send gifts now, party will be later. My sisters feel uncomfortable with this and worry that it just looks like a greedy and tactless way to get people to send gifts without the "shower" part of it (in part because the email is not an actual invitation to an event quite yet). I'll be the first to admit that the gifts now would be an enormous help for us, save us a lot of money, and would be far more convenient than people bringing gifts in the spring to an actual party (after we've already had to purchase most essentials). But ultimately the hostesses are the ones who have to send out this invitation and have to feel comfortable with this.

I am surely not the first one to be in this predicament- to live far from family and friends. Anyone have any suggestions for how to tactfully phrase an email like this? Or suggestions for how to manage this situation- to have gifts sent now for a party that has yet to be scheduled in the spring? Or is this just tacky? (I am willing to consider this possibility-- I am a terrible judge of these things as evident by the fact that I don't see a big problem here.) Another option would be just having them spread the word informally about where we're registered and hope for the best.

I'm from here! I swear!

katybird — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 08:20:25 -0800

How okay is it to comment that someone's answer to "Where are you from?" is inaccurate, or even a lie? Inspired by this question, I was wondering about my own identity "where I'm from" etiquette problem I've run into.

I was born in Canada, and have been living in North Carolina for 17 of my 23 years. I love the Triangle, and it's where I plan to make my home permanently. If someone asks me where I'm from, I reply with "NC" or "Chapel Hill" without hesitation. Recently, a conversation with a new friend revealed that my (extended) family still lives in Canada, and he accused me of lying about where I was from (since I'd originally told him I was from "right around here"). He told me the "correct" answer was Toronto, and I could then explain that NC is my home now yadda yadda yadda.

Is that true? I hate going into the long explanation of "yeah, we moved a lot, immigration is crazy, my family lives far away, no I don't speak French, no I'm not a Socialist, yes I do like ham" that tends to follow from saying I'm Canadian. It's not something I hide, but not something I mention in short, polite conversations. Saying North Carolina is pretty much easier.

Settle it, hivemind - is "where are you from?" always "where were you born?" or is there room for identifying yourself with a place of your choosing? Should I sew red maple leafs onto my clothes?

Excuse me, are you from around here?

desjardins — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 06:30:35 -0800

Is there a polite way to ask someone where they're from, if they have a foreign accent or ... I don't know how else to say this, look as if they might be from a different country (than the US)? *winces* If you're someone who gets asked this a lot, does it annoy you? Is it more rude if the person is 2nd generation (or more)?

"student often made rude and inappropriate requests"

hector horace — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 10:46:35 -0800

A question about university reference letter etiquette. I'm about to ask a few of my former university professors for references letters. Is it customary for professors to provide a copy of the reference letter to the requesting student before they submit them to the relevant party, (i.e. the school that the student is applying to)? If not would it be bad form to request to see the letters before they are forwarded?

I'm not worried that the letters will be negative but I'd rather have a look at what is said before it becomes part of my application. I'm sure I'm just being paranoid but I hate the idea of not having control over such an important part of my application.

thanks

Should I be tipping the newspaper delivery person more often?

cadge — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 10:08:20 -0800

Newspaper delivery tipping etiquette? Are additional tips expected outside of the holiday season? I have a Sunday newspaper subscription. Sometimes I find tip envelopes filled out with the delivery person's address (and occasionally a little note on cardstock like "Wishing you a nice holiday") in with my newspaper.

I know to tip at the holiday season, but I also get these tip envelopes at other times during the year (usually on other holidays, I think, like July 4).

Are tips for newspaper delivery expected outside of the winter holiday season?

Oh baby, did I just blow it?

shiu mai baby — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:33:24 -0800

Are baby showers, by default, supposed to be surprises? A few weeks ago a few friends threw a lovely baby shower for me. It was supposed to be a surprise, but several out-of-town family members ruined the surprise for me. I was fairly peeved by their unintentional thoughtlessness until I found out that the organizers didn't actually specify that it was supposed to be a surprise. At the time, I just wrote it off to an oversight on the part of the planners, but now I'm not so sure.

Why? Because just now I was discussing baby showers with a pregnant friend of mine (one of the organizers of my party, btw), explaining that I might or might not be able to make hers, because I was totally going to try but that it's also just a few days after I'm supposed to have this kid, but I'm still going to do my very best to be there for her. She was perfectly gracious about it, but then she was like, "don't let anyone know you said anything to me!!"

Again: the shower invite said nothing about the party being a surprise, so I had no reason to keep mum about it, but somehow I feel like I've just committed a faux pas.

So: should one always assume that baby showers are surprises? Is this some sort of east coast/pennsylvania-area tradition? I consider myself fairly well-versed in all things etiquette, but in my mind if you're throwing a surprise party for a person, whether we're talking showers or birthdays or anniversaries or whatevers, YOU SAY EXPLICITLY ON THE INVITE THAT IT IS A SURPRISE. Am I wrong? Have I just completely stepped in it, or is it a simple case of regional culture clash?

Gossipy Gals

Anonymous — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 06:51:41 -0800

I'm a temp, and I know a couple of people are being gossipy about me behind my back. And they don't know I know. Should I call them on it? In a nutshell: Secretary Sue moved to a different department, and I was called in to cover while they found a new person. As such, I have my own email, but I also have access to Secretary Sue's email in case something comes in about Sue's old job.

Co-worker Carol was buddies with Secretary Sue. And once in a blue moon, when I've checked Sue's email, I've seen catty little comments about my work performance that Carol has sent her. Nothing aggregiously bad -- more things like, "she left a container of milk in the fridge that had yesterday as the expiration date. She's not smart, is she?"

Now -- on the one hand, I'm only going to be here two more weeks, and I know my temp agency thinks I'm doing an amazing job. I haven't been doing AS good here, but it's because it was a much bigger job than anticipated, and the only things that I've been wobbly on have been "oops, I didn't get new milk" or "oops, I didn't change the water in the flowers yesterday" rather than "oops, I forgot to schedule the meeting with the vice president." So I could just say "screw them" and ignore it.

But on the other hand, I was thinking of just subtly saying to Carol that "you know, by the way, I do still have Sue's email and I do check it sometimes. In case you may find that information useful." And just give her a look, and then say nothing more.

Or: I could send an email to Sue saying that "by the way, I've still kept your email on this computer, because I'm afraid that if I delete your account, I won't have access to some past emails I may need. However -- recent email traffic has convinced me that's unwise, so would you be able to forward me anything I need if I lose access to it?"

So. Should I say something, or let it go?

Let's be friends

Anonymous — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 09:08:57 -0800

Ambiguous date requests. So I am a male, and taken. I have been invited for a drink by an interesting girl that I have met. We have absolutely no common friends or acquaintances so far as I know. It wasn't explicit in the email, but it's pretty clear to me that the drink invitation is in fact a Date Request. I would happily meet her for a coffee/beer- but I don't want to be misleading. If I simply accept, and then casually mention my (currently long distance) girlfriend once we meet, she might feel a bit foolish (but that's only a guess, more importantly it will feel forced and awkward on my part). I cannot think of a casual way for me to mention that I am taken while responding to the drink request. And I feel like just ignoring the request would be very rude (although maybe it is the best thing to do?). Please, give me suggestions!

(And for the record, no, my concern is not that I will 'stray'. I have a wonderful lady. This is more about navigating the world of platonic mixed-gender hetero relationships).

How can I politely decline a wedding invitation

Anonymous — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 14:23:14 -0800

Please help me decline a wedding reception invitation.

I've received an invitation to a wedding reception that I can't attend. I'd like to RSVP, but I'm a little unsure about the correct etiquette.

The invitation is addressed to myself, just a card with the usual stuff about the couple, the time, the place, etc. There's no card to RSVP with.

1] Is it good form to send another card back, or should I write a note? Or maybe both? Should I explain why I can't attend, or just say that I can't?
2] Is it still appropriate to send a gift even though I won't be attending? I was thinking about something along the lines of a gift card to the local shopping centre - is this OK? The couple have been living together for a few years now, so I figure they have toasters and such.
3] Who do I address the RSVP envelope to? Inside the invitation, it says "Mr & Mrs [name of bride's father] request the pleasure.....".

Is there anything else I should/shouldn't do?

Possibly relevant info: I know the couple through work, but we're not really close - I've seen them once in the past year. I'd have liked to have gone, but work commitments prevent me from attending. Anything else you need to know, please email auto309889@hushmail.com.

Stealing (and showing, but not selling) stolen work.

dogmom — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 21:11:50 -0800

I have an internet etiquette question. If I reproduce someone else's drawing/vector/artists interpretation of a copyrighted image and then post my rendition to flikr or whatever, should I get permission from the original interpreter? I'm sorry. I have no idea how to frame this question so it makes sense.

This was my last question. Via Google's image search, I found this drawing of Mr. Stay Puft. I printed the image, traced it to fabric and embroidered it. My embroidery is not as detailed as the drawing, but the general outlines were copied from the drawing.

I'm guessing that most artists who do their own interpretations don't get permission from the company that created the characters. I also know that two wrongs don't make a right. I do not plan on selling my finished project or profit from it in any way. If I post pictures it will probably just be to flikr, and maybe facebook.

Should I try to contact each artist whose work I use for permission to post pictures of my finished work to the internet? Should I make the futile attempt to contact the copyright-owning company? If I should, what if I can't find the artist or get no response? Should I blur out those images?

My obsession with Miss Manners knows no bounds

ThePinkSuperhero — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 21:41:02 -0800

I need help finding something Miss Manners said about budgets and guest lists. I've been searching my copy of the blue bible, but I haven't been able to find it so far. It might still be in there, another book, or a column. Heck, it could be some other etiquette writer (but I doubt it, because I love Miss Manners above all others).

The passage said that when you're putting together a guest list for a party or a wedding (I thought wedding, but I've scoured that section and found nothing, so maybe it was something else), you should think first of the people you want to invite and then build a party from there based on what you can afford to provide for those people, instead of thinking of your party first and your guest list second.

I want to reference it in something I'm writing because the thing I remember was so Miss Manners and so perfect, but I cannot find it and I hope I didn't imagine it. If you can find it, a link or page number would be most appreciated, because I am going crazy.