Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with erection

Can my libido recover from two months of Zoloft?

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:54:12 -0800

Choosing my penis over the pills. How long will it take my libido to recover after a few months of Zoloft? First a bit of background: 26-year-old guy here, nonsmoker, fit as a fiddle, with no health issues whatsoever outside of an occasionally crippling mix of anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed seven years ago, but had always refused to go on anti-depressants. Instead, I've kept the mood monsters at bay with vigorous exercise, a decent diet, and regular talk therapy.

Which worked pretty well until this past winter.

I lost my job, then spent nine months unemployed, financially panicked, and generally terrified about the nosedive my life seemed to be taking. So after months of freaking out to my therapist, I finally took her advice, bit the bullet, and filled a prescription for Zoloft. Started out on 25mg for a week, then ramped up to 50mg. I had done enough research to know that the antidepressant was pretty much guaranteed to torpedo my sex drive. But I was desperate.

And the medication worked. I chilled out, managed to get my feet back under me, and even found some part-time work. Best of all, I met a beautiful girl, with whom I’m totally compatible, and we started dating—and making out, and getting naked together.

And that’s the problem. The Zoloft has snuffed out my libido, and my erection—once my most reliable companion—has grown a bit fickle. It isn’t a physical problem. I can still get it up. And I can even stroke myself to orgasm when alone (if I really concentrate and keep physical stimulation constant). But in the throes of some pretty heated foreplay, my mind seems to simply lose interest, and I can’t stay hard.

The thing is, even in my darkest periods before the Zoloft, my sex drive stayed constant. And voracious. Masturbating 4 to 6 times per week, morning wood, healthy erections. A few months ago, I would have jumped at the chance to jump the girl I’m with. Now I can’t make it to the condom phase.

And I can tell that my lack of sexual advances is starting to give my new girl pause.

So I’m getting off the Zoloft. I’m down to 12mg per day (cutting the 25mg pills in half). And I plan to be completely done with it another five days or so. I’d rather be a tad moody and getting laid than emotionally numb and celibate.

How long will it take for my libido to return? Has anyone out there quit an antidepressant to win their sex life back? How long until you felt confident again?

Also, what can I do in the meantime to facilitate stronger urges? I’ve started taking Korean red ginseng. I’m doing mad Keegles. And I’ve committed to not looking at porn for a week straight. Any other supplements I should be looking into? Ginko Biloba? Emergen-C?

And how can I bring this up with my gal?

Help me help his penis (and my sex life)

Anonymous — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 16:40:20 -0800

How can I tactfully tell my boyfriend that I think he has phimosis, which I feel is the main cause of his erection problems? My awesome sexy loving boyfriend takes a long time to get an erection, and consistently loses it after around 10 minutes of sex. It's totally frustrating for both of us. He's not had much previous sexual experience and is understandably embarrassed about the situation. His foreskin is extremely tight and when I tried bringing this up as a potential cause, he didn't seem to think it was an issue. His verdict is that he's nervous, and after one too many failed attempts I totally understand why the next time he's more anxious in case it happens again, creating a vicious cycle. There's definitely a psychological element there, but I still feel the foreskin is partly to blame. After a bit of digging around, I made a pretty confident internet-diagnosis of phimosis (NSFW). Really, that wikipedia picture is an exact replica of his penis. However, I can find very little information linking phimosis and erectile dysfunction. In theory it makes total sense - if the head remains covered by the foreskin, surely things are less sensitive down there? And although he says there's no pain during sex, I can't imagine it's very comfortable. It feels like he's burying his head in the sand for fear that there's something 'wrong' with him - he's quite defensive when I attempt to bring it up, so I'm worried that saying something like 'hey honey, I looked on Wikipedia and I think there's actually something physically wrong with your penis' will knock his confidence even more and add additional anxiety/psychological issues into the mix which will only make things worse.

I've read about the various treatments for phimosis and it sounds simple enough to treat, so that's not really the issue here. So my questions:

Can anyone with phimosis comment on erection problems?
Anyone have any experience or words of wisdom on the best way to approach this tactfully with him?
How can I convince him that this isn't a big deal, there's nothing fundamentally wrong with him, and get him down the doc's for a chat?
Any other advice or comments welcome.

Thanks in advance, throwaway email is willywoes@googlemail.com

Sexual relations problem. A little NSFW but not explicit.

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 10:03:05 -0800

Sexual relations problem. A little NSFW but not explicit. I'm a man in my mid-thirties, and single (been this way for a few years). I met a great girl who I connected with strongly on an intellectual and emotional level. We became intimate in a sweet way -- holding hands, kissing, hugging, tickling. Unfortunately, when we moved to the bedroom, the sex didn't work. Put simply, I became excited, but I couldn't keep it up for penetration. At no time did I get fully hard. However, we both enjoyed being naked with each other, and enjoyed the usual other stuff.

Has anybody else had this happen? To be honest, I just couldn't get turned on. I can get fully hard on my own, if you know what I mean. On paper it looked like a dead cert because I do find her attractive. Is it best to walk away from this kind of situation? Or can it be overcome? If so, how?

Is there an anti-Viagra?

Anonymous — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 12:55:29 -0800

Drugs for trazodone-induced night-time priapisms? Or other drugs for sleep for which I probably won't develop a tolerance? (Somewhat NSFW.) I have been taking trazodone for a few months to help me sleep, and it works great, really given me a new lease on life. Unfortunately, it's also giving me erections while I sleep, which probably last for hours. I take 7.5 mg of trazodone when I go to bed, then another 7.5 when I wake up about five hours later, and that lets me sleep for another two hours or so. So any one erection in isolation probably isn't damaging, but over the last few weeks, I've been noticing an ache in my penis which is worst shortly after I wake up, just after the erection subsides, so I think that chronically, they are causing a problem. And the ache is getting worse. It's caused me noticeable discomfort for most of today.

I could go off the trazodone, but actually if I was forced to choose, I think I would rather sleep this well than maintain a functioning penis. So I'm looking for either a drug which will mitigate the erection (preferably just while sleeping) or another sleeping drug. But benzos and Lunesta don't do me any good at all.

One-night stand question

Anonymous — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 22:05:32 -0800

Question from a guy about one-night stands and sex in potential, yet unestablished relationships (probably NSFW). I'm in my late 20s and don't usually have trouble getting erections, but I need a lot of foreplay, manual or oral. There has to be some lubrication too. This is not so difficult to bring up in the context of an established relationship, but it's a little awkward to tell someone who you're sleeping with for the first time, especially if the relationship is unsure or there are few prospects for a relationship.

Is this really unusual? Based on some of the reactions I've gotten, it seems like it is. I feel like some women expect my penis to be totally hard and ready to fuck as soon as my pants come off.

Anyway, since that's not the way it works for me, how do I broach the subject? It seems a little weird to specify what I need verbally. Is it? Women, if you brought a guy a home with you for the first time and he said he needed more foreplay, how would you react?

What's worse, even as I manage to get past the awkwardness and say it, I've only been with a couple of women who were skilled enough to pull this off immediately. The rest needed some, um, training. What's strange is that the ones who admit the highest number of sexual partners have in my experience been the least skilled at oral or manual stimulation. Some try to do it without any lubricant which really does not work for me. So either I have to specify what I need in great detail, which doesn't always work, and feels pretty weird, or I have to do it myself, basically masturbating next to my new sex partner, which also makes me feel pretty uncomfortable. Is she feeling uncomfortable too, or am I just worrying too much?

What is the best thing to say to a woman when you can't get it up? I usually just say that I'm nervous. Last time this happened with a friend of mine, she asked me what was wrong, and that she thought I was upset. I told her that this always happened the first time, which is true but I'm not sure how convincing or attractive it was. She hasn't expressed much interest in getting physical with me since then, for which there are definitely a bunch of reasons, but wondering whether it also has something to do with my anatomy makes me feel pretty crappy.

Would it be better for me to wait longer for sex? If so, how do I do this? I have had some pretty bad reactions in the past when turning women down for sex, from angry outbursts to throwing things to telling all their friends that I am gay to ruined relationship dynamics to simply breaking things off, which makes me pretty reluctant to ever say no to sex. I know that this history is definitely an element in my anxiety around new partners, and subsequent performance issues. The worst part is that I usually want to have sex, even immediately, but I feel like I'm not in control, and I'm afraid that if I decided I wanted to postpone sex bad things would happen to me again. So if I wanted to slow things down or stop at second or third base, how do I do this without engendering bad feelings and bad reactions? And how do I keep to it when I have a strong urge to go further and the other person seems like she does too?

After that last bit I know a lot of you are going to tell me I need therapy. Fine. Please don't forget to answer the rest of the questions, okay? And if you do want to recommend therapy please tell me how I can find a therapist who will take my concerns seriously. For some reason I feel like I am just going to be told to stop having sex with new people and not really address the underlying issues. Book recommendations are fine too.

You can contact me at anonymous34134@gmail.com if you don't want to post here. Thanks, you guys are the best.

Preventing erections during massage

ascetic — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 07:20:22 -0800

Some questions about getting an erection during a massage I am a 20 yr old male who is interested in seeing a masseuse to relieve some tension and pain I have all over my body as a result of an intense judo/jiu-jitsu regime I have started.

I am concerned about getting an erection during the massage. Maybe it's just me, my age, or both, but I get erections very easily. Sometimes I get them while leaning against the bathroom sink to get a close inspection of my teeth in the mirror.

How do masseuses react to erections? How can I prevent one, and what do I do if I do indeed get an erection?

Problems with sex

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 18:53:30 -0800

I'm worried about my new-ish sex life with my boyfriend. Please help me figure out if everything is alright, and if it isn't what I can do. I'll preface this question by first stating that this is all very new! We've had intercourse about 20 times, so pretty much we are just starting out.

I was a virgin (age 25) before we had sex for the first time about a month ago and he has had about six partners (age 30) in his entire life.

When we first started doing sex-type stuff (handjobs) he couldn't orgasm, but after some working through stuff he was able to come. When we first attempted to have intercourse a month ago we had some serious problems with my hymen.I took a good three weeks before we could have intercourse without serious pain for me.

Things were great for like a week, and now just recently, the last time we tried, he had problems maintaining his erection and we just gave up.

It seems like sex is an uphill battle. I feel really discouraged and don't know what to do. How can I be supportive when feel so angry and discouraged myself?

The closest sex therapist is a three hour drive away and charges $150 per hour, so we can't afford that now.

Is it normal to have these many problems? I'm really worried that he will continue to have problems maintaining his erection and that it will devolve into some sort of negative feedback loop that destroys our relationship.

Blue Pill Blues

Anonymous — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:09:51 -0800

Does anyone know any inexpensive methods to obtain Viagra (or an equivalent)? This question sounds like the beginning of a spam email, but I assure you it's not. I was diagnosed with depression in November and prescribed Effexor which has the extremely unfortunate side effect of causing erectile dysfunction. This new year has been great, I've met a girl that I'm really into and I'm feeling much better than I did beforehand. However, the relationship, 3 days in, is moving fast, and last night it got to the point of me fumbling open the condom wrapper only to find myself flaccid as a dead fish in a bucket. I'm not sure if it was entirely the drugs, or partially nerves/anxiety or what have you. I went to the campus clinic today and was prescribed 4 100mg Viagra tablets. They're not covered under my University health insurance program and ended up costing $75! At that rate, I'll be broke by the end of the month. I've researched a bit and found that Cialis might be an alternative, for it can last up to 36 hours (instead of Viagra's 4) and therefore would be more bang for my buck. But it's the same price, and that's still an outrageous price to pay to live a "normal" functioning sex life. It's ironic that these antidepressants I pay an arm and a leg for cause a side effect that I have to go out of my way to pay more for, and since the insurance company considers sex-enhancement drugs to be 'cosmetic', they are not covered.

I'm skeptical of the online spam emails, but if anyone here knows of discount pharmacy's, online or whatever, that are actually reputable (I'm in Canada, btw), then I'd give that a shot. Any other methods other than the drugs would be much appreciated as well, such as dietary suggestions or herbal supplements. Thanks, I appreciate your answers!

Here there be orgasms. (NSFW, clearly.)

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 19:22:33 -0800

NSFW Sex Question Inside: I can't orgasm without holding my breath. I'm a low-20s male who masturbates frequently, has had sex often enough with a decent enough number of ladies, and I'm finding myself having a lot of trouble plowing through and getting to orgasm quickly.

I think I put a lot of emphasis on "holding out" and "lasting longer" which is fantastic until doing so causes you to wear out (I'm not in great shape, but I'm not ridiculously overweight or anything) and lose your erection for a couple of minutes.

Even while masturbating, even, say, to porn (which is frequent enough, and has been for some time), if I'm not holding my breath, I can lose my erection. If I am holding my breath, I run out of that ability at some point and get VERY CLOSE and then have to take a breather (literally) and, well, lose it. It's wildly frustrating to not be able to just push myself over the edge until the third or fourth or fifth run through of this.

This is an issue in any position, with incredibly attractive ladies or alone with porn or alone with imagination. It's absolutely annoying because I'm young and healthy (though a bit out of shape) and feel like I should be able to get an erection, maintain it the entire course of whatever I'm doing, and orgasm.

Instead, I get an erection, maintain it for the first 5-10 minutes of sex, sometimes more, sometimes a bit less, and then need to take a break, mostly because I hold my breath to build up the sensation. If I force myself to breathe normal, I can go a bit longer, but if I don't hold my breath at some point, I don't build up to the fever pitch I need to and I lose it.

So what the fuck have I done to myself? I don't have "performance anxiety" in any traditional sense. I'm confident and I've been complimented plenty and I make sure the lady gets hers one way or another, but I'm getting tired of losing an erection *during* sex because I'm fucking up at managing my breathing. That might be a red herring, but it's certainly what appears to be the case.

Please help here. I don't feel like I should need to be on the blue pill. I get very hard, large erections, wake up with them, have them easily through regular exciting foreplay stuff... but I definitely can lose them during sex after just a few minutes, and I'm not sure what to do.

I've definitely had sex the gain-erection-keep-it-orgasm way a bunch of times, but it's felt like that's not been doable for the past year or two, with no major physiological differences in that time frame. I've done the holding my breath thing for about forever, but I need some insight on what I'm doing to myself.

I'm aware of the erotic asphyxiation kink, but I'm not hanging myself or looking to get into that—holding my breath is just something I did manually because it felt better to build up like that. But now, it feels as if it's the only want to maintain an erection and this is no good for me, since I can only hold my breath for so long. (The length of time dropping dramatically the more... active I am.)

Any insight? I'm trying to masturbate more in single sessions, instead of holding breath, backing off and restarting, which has been a bit of my MO lately. I'm also trying to stop with the holding breath thing in general... Anything else? (And yeah, I've had a few "whoops, that was too fast" moments. But damn, not in a long time. I get into the out of breath/take a break situation a LOT more, which isn't better by any means.)

Thanks!

Where did my morning wood go?

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:41:11 -0800

I never get morning erections anymore. Why? Here are some relevant items in my not-too-distant past. 1) I tried Propecia (for hair loss) about 3 years ago which made erections IMPOSSIBLE. 2) I had a damaging relationship with a woman who really fixated on my natural performance anxiety and made it the core issue of why she suddenly broke up with me 3) I have been drinking and smoking more cannabis of late and 4) I have tried what my friend calls "generic cialis" and while that gives me a little better (but not great) "traction" during the day, it doesn't seem to have an affect on the lack of morning stiffies.

Unintentional erection during high G loads?

c0nsumer — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 10:27:44 -0800

Do (male) pilots ever experience unintended erections while experiencing high G loads on their body? Pilots who regularly undergo high G forces wear g-suits to prevent the brain from being starved for blood, leading to unconsciousness. I would imagine that due to the additional blood forced lower in the body that unintended (and possibly very uncomfortable) erections are possible, but I can't seem to find any information as to whether or not it occurs and/or is a problem.

Wikipedia, Google, and the other usual sources are failing me as I'm trying to find information about this. (They are finding spammy pages and fanfic / slash, but that's not what I'm wanting.)

Can anyone help?

Why can't I get an erection?

names are hard — Sat, 09 Dec 2006 01:07:20 -0800

I'm 21 years old--could I have erectile dysfunction? Or could it be emotional? So, I'm a 21 year old male. I dated the same girl for the past two years, and we had sex consistently without any, uh, trouble on my end. I'd say maybe 3-4 times I couldn't get an erection. Probably two of those I was drunk and blamed it on the alcohol. The last time was the night before I left to go abroad for 4 months (where I am now). We were saying goodbye, but I couldn't get it up for a long time. When we tried again later that night, I could but it was a softy. This, to me, suggests some sort of emotional connection, because I was sad to leave her.

Fast forward to last night. My girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago, and I met a girl here last week who I've been hooking up with. Last night we went back to her apartment and made out/got naked, etc., etc. I got a little hard for a little, but then when we were naked and probably ready to move on, I lost it. Kaput. Erection gone and nowhere in sight. How embarrassing!

Now, a few caveats. I was a little drunk. But, by that point I had really sobered up I think. I was tired and stressed too. Don't know if this effects matters such as this one. And, the kicker, I am still thinking about my ex-girlfriend, because it was a tough break-up, me being abroad and all.

I am definitely attracted to this new girl. She is hot, and I have a good connection with her, so I would not be quick to ascribe my issues to not being attracted to her.

Is this occasional problem something I should see a doctor about? or a therapist? I'm 21, at the prime of my life, and do not want to not be able to get it up anymore.

Thank you.

Being woken by nighttime painful erections.

Anonymous — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 14:03:49 -0800

Over the past few months I've been waking up several times during the night with an extremely turgid painful erection that won't go away unless I stand up and walk around for a bit, or raise my legs or squeeze my thigh muscles. When this happens, I don't feel sexually aroused and my penis doesn't feel responsive in any way - it seems to be purely a blood-pressure thing of some sort. What's going on? It feels like my penis is going to explode in a bloody mess sometimes. Has anyone else had this problem? If it matters, my normal resting blood pressure is quite low - on average 110/60.

What happened to my libido?

Anonymous — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 09:28:27 -0800

I'm a recently out, gay 21 year-old college student. I recently met someone and things are starting to get serious. Last night he came over and I couldn't get aroused. I've never had a problem with that before. What's going on? At 21, I have finally come to terms with my sexuality and have begun to seek out relationships. Recently, I started dating someone and last night was our first attempt at any kind of sex (my first gay experience, as well). He had no problem with anything, but even after extended play, I could not maintain an erection.

Clearly, this was quite disconcerting to me as I am quite attracted to this boy and was very excited and into the experience. I usually have a large amount of sexual energy and have no problem getting it up, so I have no idea why I couldn't maintain an erection this time (when it would have been very handy, for once). At 21, I really doubt it's ED. I also work out regularly and am generally in good health.

Mefites: What could be going on here?

Please send additional questions to mybrothercharles@gmail.com.

Viagra: It's Not Just For Horny College Guys Any More!

Anonymous — Wed, 24 May 2006 13:40:44 -0800

What's it like to rely on Viagra? My partner is having surgery, and afterward will probably be unable to get an erection except with Viagra. I'm having trouble understanding how his arousal might work when the penis doesn't do its thing naturally.

Pardon my ignorance, but is it possible for men to feel aroused and interested in sex as they always have, getting excited by foreplay and such, just minus the erection unless/until you take the drug? Or does lack of erection mean a lack of arousal too, making sex really a planned activity? I guess I'm asking how separate the erection and arousal are. Can we still be spontaneous?

Yeah, we'll discover our own answers in time, but I'm curious now. Also, if you have any useful advice for the female partner, I'm all ears.

A Rising Problem

nona — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 05:28:56 -0800

Why do I get so easily aroused? I've read that it's completely normal because I'm young enough to still have strong hormonal reactions to touch, etc. but it's quite inconvenient "suffering" from an erection when I just hug or get close with my girlfriend, when all I want to do is just hug or cuddle with my girlfriend.

any thoughts?

Performance anxiety erection problem.

Anonymous — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 11:23:09 -0800

ErectionFilter: Anyone had performance-anxiety erection issues that they have successfully solved? I'm 40s, male, married. Over the summer I was drinking way too much and ended up having erection problems (getting and keeping), which then turned into performance anxiety issues. I quit drinking, but also checked things out physically. The problem was psychological. It all magically fixed itself, but for some reason it's raised it's ugly little head again (or rather, it has failed to). I know I'll get over this, and my wife is being very understanding, but if you've had success in getting over such problems I'd love to hear them.

Morning Wood

If I Had An Anus — Tue, 18 Oct 2005 08:52:56 -0800

GuyFilter: How do you handle peeing with morning wood? No, seriously... When you go to the bathroom in the morning and have an erection, what do you guys do?

I generally sit down to piss in the morning. As I walk to the bathroom and then after sitting, I push down against my boner which serves two purposes: 1) helps me go partially limp; and 2) helps me aim.

But after reading this comment on a men's health forum, I'm worried I'm actaully doing damage by using this technique.

So what other options are there, and does pushing down really stretch muscles that shouldn't be stretched?