Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with engagement

Proposing without a ring or with a placeholder ring?

yukonho — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:01:28 -0800

My girlfriend is interested in designing her own engagement ring, so what do I use when I propose to her? A placeholder ring? Nothing? There was a similar question a few years back, but my situation is a bit simpler, I hope. My girlfriend and I have been together for over six years and have already talked about marriage. (It's more a question of "when" than "if" at this point.) Since we're not really into diamonds and she's an artistic type, she'd like to be involved in designing her engagement ring. I'd like to have something when I pop the question, though! Do I go with a simple white gold band, or just propose and head to the jewelry shop the next day?

How should we tell our families we're engaged?

Anonymous — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:22:06 -0800

Help us announce our obviously-premeditated engagement in the best way possible. Boy and I are getting married! I graduate from college in a few weeks. Since I live a block from the graduation ceremony we're celebrating right after the ceremony with food and drinks at my place. My entire family will be there and part of his! (Mom, Dad, Gma and Gpa, all of my mom's 5 other siblings, and all 16 cousins along with Boy's mom, dad, and brother)

How do we announce it? The catch is that we're not really into the whole hetero-normative thing and since I wanted a ring we got him one too! Plus for all practical purposes, if there WAS going to be someone getting down on one knee it would probably be me proposing to him. But we don't want to do that. So, hive mind, how should we announce it? My best plan right now is to awkwardly get on a chair while everyone is cramped into my tiny apartment, thank them for coming, and say something along the lines of "Boy and I are happy to say we're engaged!" and then pull the rings out of pockets and call it a day. This idea sucks!

We don't need anything romantic, and we don't want anything that involves proposing in front of everyone else. Give us your AWESOME "zomg we're engaged!" ideas!

Custom jewelry in Orlando, FL

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:45:53 -0800

I'm looking for advice on getting a custom engagement ring made in Orlando on a budget. So I'm starting with next to no knowledge of jewelry shopping, but I want to work with a jeweler to make a custom engagement ring. I'd like to make a narrow band of white gold, with a particular engraved or molded design which I can roughly sketch, and set with a round-cut sapphire of about 1ct/6mm (I'm happy to go lab-created to save money). I want it to be similar in feel to a particular one she's pointed out online that she really likes, but obviously not the same as it.

Is one to two thousand dollars a reasonable price range for this project? Is 6 weeks a reasonable time span to get this done in? Assume I'll be able to visit the shop conveniently. I'd also appreciate general advice/experiences with custom jewelry shopping on a budget. And most importantly (since I'm feeling adrift), does anyone have a recommendation for an independent jeweler around the Orlando/Central Florida area or advice on finding one?

Send private responses to mefiengagement@gmail.com.

Where do I find a high quality card to congratulate my friends on their engagement?

dubitoergosum — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:27:57 -0800

Please help me find a nice place to buy high quality stationery--either in Boston or online--so that I can congratulate two close friends on their engagement. I'd like to send them a card of higher-than-Hallmark quality. As a young man I'm unfortunately at a bit of a loss for how one goes about finding such things. I was hoping there was some paper maven out there.

They are both well-educated and possess relatively refined taste (e.g. they go see opera, ballet, etc.), so I'd like something that is a bit "impressive," for lack of a better word. (For example, can you buy gold leaf cards?) They're both Renaissance scholars, so something a touch old-fashioned might go over well.

Thanks in advance for any ideas! Also feel free to point out any points of protocol I might be missing, as I'm not that experienced with weddings.

Help me find a wooden engagement ring in the UK

Nufkin — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 03:41:24 -0800

Recommend me a preferably UK-based wooden engagement ring seller. From this question a while back, I have fallen in love with the wooden rings from this seller however, I am worried about ordering them from a seller in another country – different ring size systems – and without knowing anyone who has had any experience of them.

So, firstly I was wondering if anyone knows of anyone UK based that is selling similar work – my Google-fu is only strong enough to bring up very bad sites.

Or, secondly, if someone could recommend someone on personal experience.

Additional information if needed:

I would need two, not necessarily matching, rings for a same-sex (male) engagement. We are both UK size R. The ultimate idea is to have these as engagement rings then ‘upgrade’ to a metal ring for the civil partnership as a metaphor for our relationship becoming stronger.

Ball + Chain, engagement rings and you

Anonymous — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:45:44 -0800

Engagement ring woes... to diamond or not to diamond? Any alternatives? I have been with my girlfriend for a while, and I think its time we get married. I know she wants to get married and am not worried about her saying no or any of that... no the problem is the engagement ring. She has said in the past that she thinks diamonds are fairly stupid from a financial / blood diamond aspect. That said I do think that she wants something special to show off, and I am worried about the "oh, so he couldnt afford a diamond for you" crowd. Her parents and grandparents are fairly traditional and I think they wouldnt approve if I broke too much from the norm. Not that there is anything wrong with that...

I looked into non-blood / debeers diamonds but they are still super pricey, and I have no desire to go the "fake" route.

I have looked at a few jewelers and could afford a nice ring, however it would be most of my savings... I think that she would more appreciate a nice long vacation in europe or something over a diamond ring for the same money... but again, I think she needs some kind of symbol to show our engagement.

I have been looking at estate jewelery @ www.topazery.com, I like the older style stuff. Any other advice the metacrowd has?

Is there really lasting love at first sight?

Anonymous — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:17:41 -0800

How did you know getting engaged impulsively was a good idea? I met this wonderful woman a few months ago. I am 24 and she is 21 were both about to finish our BA's this winter. I feel like I have found something unique and special in this girl and could see myself being with her a long time. It has been four months, but that "so happy I'm going to puke because the butterflies won't stop flapping" does not ever stop. Our relationship feels like it is beyond gut level infatuation; we are compatible on so many levels that I doubt that I will ever find this mix in a single person again.

We have both dated and had our hearts broken. I dated a woman for 4 years and we were dead pragmatic about the idea of getting married. We had the logistics down, but the real gut level part of it just was not there.

I know is snark bait, and I am not interested in people telling me how naive I am. I understand marriage is an economic contract with the state and not a love certificate. I am asking partly because we had discussed how we both kind of like the fun of long engagements. In addition, she is in Paris for this quarter and I would like to surprise her by proposing to her in Paris. Neither of us have any interest in eloping.

What I am interested in are stories of people who found each other and quickly decided that they had found someone whom they wanted to share their life. I would like to hear both from MeFites who found this to be the best or worst decision of their life. How did you know this would be a good idea? Was it a good idea? Any anecdotes about quick engagements or marriages are welcome. In particular, I would love to hear stories about couples who ended up staying together for decades.

Boys like shiny things too!

Diagonalize — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 11:00:29 -0800

What are some good engagement ring alternatives/equivalents for a man? The boyfriend and I (the girlfriend) were having a conversation about this the other day, and we concluded that the current engagement traditions are in need of a massive overhaul. In this day and age, proposals should be fair game for anyone who wants to get hitched, so what do you do about the ring?

I know engagement rings aren't mandatory, but sometimes you want something special you can flash at your family and friends to say, "Look! I'm engaged!" DeBeers tells us that guys should purchase expensive diamond rings for their beloveds, but what if she wants to propose? Or what if it's a gay couple? What if she just loves her ring and wants to reciprocate? I feel like a male engagement ring would just be interpreted as a wedding ring by most, so it doesn't seem like a good substitute, and I've seen watches listed as a potential equivalent, but what if he doesn't wear a watch? While I'm sure an iPhone or fancy TV would be much appreciated, it doesn't have quite the same romantic glitter of an engagement ring.

And if you're reading this, honey, relax. It's just a question.

How to propose to a book lover?

Anonymous — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 14:56:23 -0800

Proposing to a book lover. Ideas? I'm planning to propose to my girlfriend. She loves books, she must have close to 1000.

I'd like to do something private or semi-private. Any ideas on how to incorporate books into the proposal?

Social Stigma of Buying Used Ring Solely for Diamond?

2legit2quit — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 10:50:17 -0800

Used Engagement Ring: I am ready to ask the most wonderful person I have ever met to marry me. However, before I can do that I need a ring. Buying a used ring seems to carry a negative reputation among some people and I can understand some of their arguments. My question is whether buying a used ring for the diamond itself and having a new setting made carries that same negative reputation. And, if I do buy a ring for the stone, will my jeweler have a hard time using it once it has already been in another setting? My girlfriend has her heart set on a nice one carat diamond ring and I intend to give her one. However, I have my heart set on asking her to marry me in a special way that will also cost a significant amount of money (I would like to surprise her with a trip to Paris and propose there). I only have a limited amount of money and am trying to find ways to have everything we both want as part of the engagement. This includes making sure that our flights and hotels are as cheap as possible and also trying to fly during off-peak seasons. Another way that I see to save a little is to buy a used diamond and have my jeweler place it in a new setting. The prices for diamonds seem to be more than half as inexpensive for buying used and I have even seen a number of really ugly setting with very nice diamonds go for even less on E-bay and Craigslist. Will I be asking for heartache if I go down this path?

And, do you have any further recommendations on how to acquire a loose diamond inexpensively?

If it helps, I am located in Georgia (the state not the country).

Where to propose in Orlando, Fl

dervish — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:06:05 -0800

Can anyone suggest a restaurant in the Orlando, Fl area that would make a good place to take a woman before proposing? I have never expected to propose to anyone, so am largely ignorant on some of the particulars. Is it tacky to propose to a woman in a restaurant? If not, can anyone suggest any good ones in Florida (preferably around Orlando) that are on the higher end of the scale (without getting too ridiculous--probably without having to spend more than $200 for the entire meal).

Also, is it tacky to propose on her birthday? I'm probably not going to, but am just wondering.

Help me design a Community Engagement Plan

Anonymous — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 09:57:13 -0800

I need to come up with a community engagement plan for a community based event, and I need to do it by Monday. My problem? I have never designed a community engagement plan before, and I don't even know how to begin designing one. I'm really quite desperate for help here so could you please help me? My boss, who is a semi-high profile public figure (hence the anonymity), has charged me with designing a community engagement plan for a high profile community based event that's coming up soon. My problem is I've never designed a community engagement plan before and I don't even have the foggiest idea about how to make an effective one.

Naturally one of the first things I did was to Google 'Community Engagement Plan'. That turned up some useful results and I created a model that used some advertising to engage with the public.

Then I found out my budget is basically nil. So advertising is completely out of the question.

On the flip side, this community engagement plan would be centered around the aforementioned high profile community based event, so I could ride its coat tails to some extent.

My brief, then, is to create a plan which will allow my boss to engage with her stakeholders (community based groups and individuals close to Government) and let them know that they have a role to play in Government. But as I said, I can't really advertise to let them know that this is an opportunity open to them. In fact, I envisage that it would be a case of my boss going to them (we have a car, at least!) and engaging them. But how, I have no idea. And what she would do when she meets them, I have no idea either.

My boss wants me to present my ideas to her on Monday and I've come up with nothing so I'm really desperate for any ideas The Hive Mind might come up with.

All ideas considered, so come one, come all, and tell me how to engage with the public without a real budget!

Popping the news!

pised — Wed, 20 May 2009 23:30:11 -0800

Help me and my new fiancé tell our friends and family the news in creative and fun ways! The boy and I just got engaged over the weekend (yay!) and we have the fun task of telling all of our peeps the news. Some of them already know, but we've told most of them over the phone or email as we're currently away on vacation. We're seeing a bunch of people this week and we're looking for creative and/or hilarious ways to surprise them with the news. We're looking for maximum freak-out possibilities here -- crying, screaming, the works!

There is a ring to use as a prop here. He's told most of his family, but there's still my grandmothers and my aunt, my best friends, his best friends, and a bunch of our mutual friends. Most of these will be in person but a couple will be over the phone.

Thanks for helping us have some fun telling our good news!

Better than a CD?

Anonymous — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:11:07 -0800

Saving for an engagement ring... Are there better options than a multi-year Certificate of Deposit? I'm looking for something safe, secure and higher yielding than a savings account. A 3 or 4 year CD seems like the best option, as it matches my time frame, but is there anything else out there that I might not be aware of that I should consider? General advice and tips welcome as well.

Books and Advice on combining finances after marriage

pithy comment — Wed, 13 May 2009 18:26:50 -0800

Looking for book or website recommendations on combining finances after marriage. Or your thoughts and tips here. I am getting married this summer and have begin to discuss combining accounts with my fiancee. We currently have a shared checking account from which we pay combined monthly bills. We want to know how much more we combine after marriage. We are open with each other about our current outside expenses: credit cards, mortgage, student loans, etc. Should we have one account from which all our expenses come? Should we keep separate accounts for personal expenses? How much should we put in those separate accounts versus the combined account? I am hoping some book will help, but I'm sure that your experiences will be invaluable too!

Having a Fashion Emergency!

Muffy — Thu, 07 May 2009 12:10:06 -0800

Going to an engagement party tonight, as a guest. Is it okay if I wear a white dress? Is it a faux pas? The dress is a simple white shift mini dress with cap sleeves and silver flecks. I'm wearing opaque black pantyhose to give it a mod look, but I have been told with a 50/50 response that it's not okay to wear white to an engagement party. What do you think?

Is it wrong/weird to help my boyfriend pay for my engagement ring?

kerri13 — Sun, 03 May 2009 21:08:30 -0800

Would it be wrong to help my boyfriend pay for my engagement ring? We are the type of couple who talks about everything... that's just how we are. We have already picked out the ring that I want, and we've known that we were going to get married for 3 years. We pretty much are engaged, it's just not official yet since we are young (19).

I really think it's time to make it official though. Only problem is, my boyfriend doesn't have a lot of money. Not that he's lazy or anything- he works about 7 days a week. It's just that he isn't blessed with parents who are able to help pay for ANYTHING, so he's stuck paying for all of his college, his apartment, his car, etc. He will be able to work a lot this summer and save up some money, but it would still be hard on him.

I, on the other hand, am blessed with parents who can pay for what's left of my schooling after scholarships, and still live at home. I have plenty of money, and I would not mind at all helping pay for my ring. But, that might hurt his ego and is completely untraditional.

It's not like I'm some selfish brat who wants some big flashy ring, (the one we're looking at is $1,000.. I know that's a lot but it's not crazy is it?). I want a conflict-free diamond and I found EXACTLY what I want at brilliantearth's website. He's just wanting to wait and propose when he has more money, but goodness I feel like we should be engaged already! We won't be married until we graduate, or right before, but I really think it doesn't do us justice not to be engaged. I'm ready to be officially committed, and I know he is too- he's just worried about money.

He could get a cheaper ring, or a promise ring? And then we upgrade later? But if I can afford to help, why not? I'm always reading to spend "what the couple can afford" which makes it sound as if you spend it together. But apparently that's horrible.. so which one is it?

What if I just start paying for dinner/movies all the time, and maybe offer to make a college payment for him every once in a while? That way I'm helping him out, but not directly.

Restaurant engagement in St. Louis?

kraigory — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:06:27 -0800

I am proposing to my girlfriend this summer in St. Louis and I know that it will involve a friend of ours coming out on a stage while we are having dinner and playing our favorite song. If it is an appropriate setting, we will dance to it, and after the song is over, I will propose to her. I need your help finding the right location! So, here are some additional details. My plan is to have a waiter or waitress come to our table and present her with a photo book that I am making her with Blurb. It documents all the years that we have been dating. The last page will be wrapped in wax paper so she cannot see it. When she gets to the last page I will stop her, and tell her to hold on a moment before she looks at the page. At that moment, my friend will come out on stage and play our favorite song. After he is done, I will tell her to look at the page. As she sees the large photo of the ring I brought her, I will drop to one knee and propose.

So, I am trying to find the proper location to pull this off. I thought that I had found the perfect place- a restaurant called Savor that has a small, romantic cabaret theater attached. I was going to ask them if they could just seat us alone in the theater. That would've been perfect, and we could've danced when my friend came out on stage to play the song, because no one would be around. But, I found out that the restaurant is closed.

So I need help! I can see two options:

1. A nice, romantic restaurant that has a cute little stage that we could be seated in front of. I already have one restaurant that has agreed to do this, Morgan Le Fays, but I've never been there and I'm not sure how their layout would work with my idea. So, if you know of any restaurants that fit the bill, that would be great! I'm not necessarily looking for the finest dining, but a romantic and intimate atmosphere is very important.

2. If I could find a small, romantic theater that would let me use it for an hour (early on a saturday evening, which could be a problem) or so, then I could have food catered, and my friends could help out as servers. The only problem that I see with this option is that it would probably cost more, be harder to find, and she would know what was happening as soon as we arrived. The upside is that we would be alone the whole time, and could dance when my friend played the song.

So, if you have any suggestions of great restaurants or cute little theaters in St. Louis that would work for my purposes, I would appreciate it very much!

Thanks!

-Kraig

Pre-marital counseling in Chicago?

bibbit — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 12:26:16 -0800

Any suggestions for a pre-marital counselor in Chicago? My fiance and I are doing a church wedding, and we are doing the Catholic pre-Cana requirements, but we actually think our church's requirements are too...minimal. Our church only requires on "engaged enrichment day" and two meetings total with another couple. The church is in my hometown and so it's a fair amount of travel for us to do more with that church. It was suggested we look into Couple Communication, which is more what we're looking for. The problem is that they don't have any Chicago-proper counselors listed (and the nearest ones haven't responded to my requests for more information...).

We'd like to find a counselor/therapist who can talk to us about communication and preparing for being married. We don't want to do a group session, and we don't want to do a weekend retreat. We have no major issues (that we know of....), but just want to have a solid base to work from and think a third person to talk to might be a help.

Do you have specific suggestions of people or organizations we should look into?

How to Propose (gay male edition)

pointystick — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 09:53:56 -0800

Asking for a friend: Which guy should propose to whom? My friend Thurston is in a relationship with a wonderful, smart guy ("the Professor"). Thurston and the Professor have had discussions about being married someday which they'd both like. Aside from the sad fact that our state currently won't let them marry, Thurston is curious about how the proposal would go since he notes that traditionally the guy asks the girl - is there a rule of thumb for same sex couples?
Advice and anecdotes are welcome. Thurston thanks you in advance.
If it matters, both guys are brainy types and neither is a gooshy romantic but they'd like something between an awkward "hey, wanna go to Canada and get married next week?" and over-the-top shmoopy.

Engagement time. Help!

mockjovial — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 09:21:21 -0800

I want to propose to my amazing girlfriend! (Yay!) Please help me figure out how to talk to her parents. Details inside! I have been dating my current girlfriend for over 4 years. It's time to pop the big 'question', and I'm very excited.

Many previous Ask MeFi answers have been extremely helpful to me as I have thought through this decision, as I shopped for the perfect ring, and as I set up the specifics of asking my (hopefully) to be fiancée.

I look to you now for a little more guidance! I'm not quite sure how to proceed in terms of 'talking to her parents' about my intentions.

A bit of detail:

My girlfriend's parents are originally from the Philippines. They are quite conservative and traditional. My girlfriend and her younger brother were born and raised here in the US.
I have a good relationship with her family and extended circle of relatives. That I am of European ancestry and that am not Catholic do not seem to be a problem.

As I move forward with my plans to get engaged, my goal is to be as respectful to her parents as I can. In my opinion, that would include trying to be as 'traditional' as possible in terms of how I approach them about this. From what I can tell, it is customary in the Philippines for a couple to meet with the parents AFTER becoming engaged. However, my girlfriend was raised in the US, and to her, the traditional (desirable) thing to do would be for me to talk with her parents first. I'm trying to reconcile these two conflicting definitions of 'traditional' and determine the best way to move forward.

Any suggestions about how to proceed? Should I go ahead and talk with her parents today, or come back to them after I have proposed on Saturday? Any other advice?

Thank you everyone!

Smuggling a wedding ring into a foreign country might be the most James Bond thing I'll ever do

Anonymous — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 21:11:42 -0800

I'm planning to ask my girlfriend to marry me this summer, when we take a two-week vacation overseas. The trick will be to bring the ring with me in a way that doesn't attract customs', or her, attention. Am I beanplating this? Maybe I could just hide it in my luggage... but I'd be afraid that it would show up in an airport x-ray. I don't like the idea of risking it, since she would flip OUT if I got into an unnecessary altercation with security personnel (it would also ruin the surprise, of course, and probably the entire vacation). Oh, and getting arrested would suck.

I don't know anyone in the countries we'll be visiting, so I can't send it ahead. If you have some advice you'd rather not post here, you can email me at transportthatring@gmail.com.

How to win at ring toss?

Polychrome — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:17:37 -0800

Would it be better to melt these rings down or just sell them? I know questions have been asked before about what to do with unneeded wedding/engagement rings, so this isn't quite that. I have a wonderful wedding ring set that includes a platinum wedding band set with small diamonds and a platinum semi-mount (engagement ring without the center stone, although it does have some small diamonds set into the band and intricate metalwork). Both rings have been appraised at about $4000 together.

I realize fully that in selling the rings that I won't get anywhere close to this amount, but I'm also a little apprehensive about selling them anyway, because I'm not quite sure what the best avenue would be to do this (ebay looks pretty flooded and I'm not a jeweller) and because there is no center stone on the engagement ring. Incidentally, I need a wedding ring. I can't use the ones I have (the reason why is completely irrelevant, but it's strictly sentimental, not because there is anything wrong with the rings). I've heard that you can bring in jewellery to some jewellers and they will create a new piece from them, but so far I've had little luck in finding someone who will build a mounting out of my old platinum and set it with a gemstone rather than a diamond. Before calling every other jeweller in town and wasting their time and mine, I ask for any information or advice you might have: Would it be better to try to to just sell the rings, or to have a jeweller melt down the rings I have and use that metal to create a new ring? Will anyone even do this? It really boils down to whether or not the worth of the platinum as a metal will be worth more towards a new ring than the money I could get simply from selling them. I also realize that me simply purchasing from a jeweller this way will be more costly than if I bought a second-hand ring myself, but I'm hoping someone has some information or advice I haven't considered.

Do I love him? Turns out, it's a complex question.

Anonymous — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 12:30:09 -0800

Relationship Filter: Are we just not good for each other, or am I actually just screwed up from my family and last relationship? I am engaged to an awesome guy. We are very compatible and have wonderful times together; we like a lot of the same things, go and do things together, have mutual friends, etc. It seems pretty well perfect, and we have lived together for over a year now, quite happily. But not everything is happy, at least not for me. The trouble is, I don't know if that is because of something legitimately wrong with our relationship (i.e., I don't want to be with him) or because I am messed up/upset from the past.

I love my SO. I really do. And he loves me. Unfortunately, I do wonder if I am in love with him sometimes. The trouble is that I can't actually tell! (And my past circumstances make the old adage of, "if you're asking yourself whether you love him, then you don't" worthless.)

Since moving in together, I've found myself becoming more and more distant from my SO, sexually and emotionally. We still have a really good time together, which is good since we work from home as well and see each other all the time pretty much, but it's not what I would like it to be. I have discussed this with him a little, but it is very, very difficult, because he is truly head-over-heels about me and 100% happy, so he doesn't seem too good about understanding when I've got a problem with something. (Don't take this to mean he doesn't listen or is mean; it's just he truly doesn't get it.)

I also feel a bit bad when I bring up stuff, because in the two years that we've been together, he's not once brought up anything about me that he wishes was different/wants to work on; it makes me seem like a bit of a nag, which I don't want. Because of this communication problem, I've also noticed I sometimes psychologically view myself as single somewhat and don't like to wear my engagement ring and still think (though don't act, of course) as if I'm single, as in thinking I'd like to date someone if I feel the least bit of a spark with someone else. (This is magnified since I don't feel much in the way of 'sparks' with my SO--read on about that, though, please, because it's complicated.)

So I'm looking at things and thinking, Should I get married to him? Do I even love him? I really don't know, and, as said before, things are more complicated by my past. Here's what makes it hard(er) for me to tell:

MY FAMILY:
I come from an abusive family, where my father was emotionally/mentally and sometimes physically abusive to my mother and me. (My father is severely mentally ill/psychotic.) I lived in the middle of absolute storms, all the time, until I was able to get out at 19. Seeing my parents' relationship was a really negative thing, maybe particularly as an only child who ended up cleaning messes far too often. I tend to have a rather cynical view toward relationships, because of this, and I find I don't get as emotional about them as most people, in general. This makes me a bit sad, considering I am an artist and plenty emotional in other parts of my life, but it doesn't seem like something I can change, even when I write sweet love letters and do other things that should encourage that side of me to come out. So there's issue #1: I don't "feel" as much, anyway, so my "am-I-in-love meter" probably isn't too good. I still deal with a lot of the emotions from my family life; it screws up my perspective. (And yes, I've been to see psychologists, but they haven't helped much.)

MY LAST RELATIONSHIP:
The last relationship I was in was very negative. I think I pretty well went for someone that was like my dad, to be honest. I DID, most certainly, have strong-strong feelings in this relationship, but I realized two years into it that something wasn't right with him. (Perhaps all the emotional abuse was a friggin' clue!) Unfortunately, I've not felt this strongly about anyone since, and I wonder if I can. I am not hung up on my ex, himself, in the least. It's more like I'm still affected by the fact that I fell in love with someone like my father, and that, in all actuality, this was the only time I was ever head over heels for someone. It bothers me a lot. It also makes me wonder if, emotionally, I am drawn to the psychotic/chaotic type, even if my head/logic knows I should be with someone like my current SO. And, if that's the case, it might mean my head and heart will always go in opposite directions, which tends to make me think, "Damn, I should just be alone and get some cats."

MY SO:
As said, my SO is great and we have an absolute ton in common. I have some niggling, minor annoyances with him (mainly household chore stuff!), but then, who doesn't, when they live together? The one major downside with him is I feel he's...well...boring sometimes. Really fucking boring. He lives so appropriately, so safely, that it drives me bonkers at times. I'm far, far from risky, myself, but he is a million times worse than I am. He doesn't drink, no drugs, doesn't even really like going to pubs, has a 10-year-plan, saves nearly all his money, doesn't laugh at too much because he's serious, etc. I'm always passive aggressively poking fun at him to try new things (like a new food), but it takes a lot of passive prodding, let me tell you.

Because of his ultra-sensible, no-risk take on life, I worry that this contributes that much more to my uncertainty about my love for him and our upcoming nuptials (no date set yet, though). Between the issues of my family and my ex, my SO's lack of risk-taking and passion is drier to me than it would be normally, I think. He's not romantic, either. He's sweet, but there are few tokens of affection, and I pretty well have to spell things out if I want to go on a dinnerdate or do a couple thing (which sucks). This is a 180-turn from the crazy-passionate love you get with people who are farked in the head. I've told him I would like for him to be more romantic, but the conversation turns into a lesson on love and affection, sadly, where he's basically just asking for me to give him ideas! He isn't very creative. Again, it sucks. (If anyone knows how I can help him 'learn' to be more romantic, please tell me.)

But I do love him. I care for him more, in my head, than anyone I've ever been with. I know, from a completely logical standpoint, he is perfect and stable for me. Emotionally, though...there's just companionship. This is great, but it means I'm not as happy as I could be. I need passion. Everyone needs the occasional "swept off their feet" moments, no matter how little they are.

So, after this long spiel (sorry 'bout that), what do you think I should do? Do we stick it out, get married, and I just try to work things out (discuss more) with my SO? Or do I break up with him and move on, potentially putting myself in another relationship like my last one, because I feel more emotionally in them?

Propose some locations, please.

Anonymous — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:03:26 -0800

Where is a good place to propose in Winnipeg, Manitoba? My girlfriend and I will be visiting the windy city in a month or two, and I'd like to propose to her while we're there. Unfortunately, I don't have much experience with the city, and I obviously can't ask her for advice.

So, can any MeFites recommend scenic places for me? Restaurants, parks, etc. I'm not sure what the weather will be like in early winter, but I'm willing to brave the outdoors.