Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with encouragement

DC to DUX, can't be that hard, right?

parmanparman — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:06:35 -0800

I moved across the country for a dream job at my alma mater, my job's funding was cut and I am now unemployed. I have no benefits and am losing my place at the end of the month. I don't have a lot of money but I have decided to make a go of Eugene, Oregon. I have applied to some temp places, but what else should I be doing as a professional fundraiser and broadcast journalist to find work and get my life together? I am over the despair but I need major help. I'll try to stay active in the thread. This has been a major heartbreak for me. It feels like I have lost a child.

Why is it / When you / Try to pass / The guy in front / Goes twice as fast?

MsMolly — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:32:24 -0800

Burma Shave jingles for marathon runners. I got such a kick out of the Burma Shave-style jingles that MeFites wrote for this question that I'd like to do something similar for a friend who's running the Chicago marathon this weekend. So help me out with your best marathon or running related couplets.

Suggestiong for Toddler Wrangling Book?

taff — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 15:59:13 -0800

Desperate friend has turned to me for book suggestions on her three year old. Ideally available in Australia, but Amazon is always possible. What are your killer books for nailing the second really difficult time in a parent's life.... the 2-3year old? For some context... what she just wrote to me:

"You read so much, what is your recommendation for a field book on a) understanding the psychology of a 3 year old b) dealing with it and c) on Mummy management - talk about pushing boundaries - I didn't realise I had so much pent up anger - it kind of scares me. Need help.
Ta muchly,"

She's a loving and patient mum, and her ratbag 3 year old is actually a lovely kid.... with completely normal 3 year old behaviours. ToddlerTaff is turning 3 in a few weeks so I'm excited to hear any suggestions too.

We both have younger kids and protecting them from their older siblings is hard. And doing the one on one thing is also a challenge.

Looking forward to some good handling manuals for our toddlercrats. Thanks possums.

Somehow, I don't think a Post-It note on the fridge will do...

gursky — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:17:58 -0800

What can I do to thank my parents for their unbelievable support? My parents are awesome. They're both very kind, generous, helpful, loving people. Growing up, my two older brothers and I had a good home environment, and even now that we're adults (I am 22 and my brothers are 28 and 24) my parents are still as helpful and supportive as ever.

Over the past year, I had a really tough time dealing with some mental health issues. I was in and out of the hospital and seriously considered dropping out of university (even though I was in the final year of a 5 year program). In short, the past year has been hellish. Fortunately for me, my parents insisted on helping out however they could. They made it possible for me to see my psychiatrist weekly, frequently offered to do any errands I might need to do, and listened to my endless venting about, well, everything.

Since graduating in June, I have had to move in with them while I get my health in order. Though I am often not at their house (typically I am in other cities visiting friends), they have made it clear that there is no time limit on how long I can stay with them. As well, because I am not working and I am trying to stretch money as far as possible, they have been more than generous with groceries and other necessities. They never complain and offer to lend me money constantly because they would rather I concentrate on getting better than on getting a job before I'm ready. I am very conscious of this, and make sure not to take advantage of them.

I have finally found a doctor that I trust and like, and I think I might finally be on the road to a healthier, happier me. Though it's taking some time, I feel like things are moving in the right direction for the first time in years. In June, I felt as though my life had been derailed; now, I feel as though I am getting back to my old self and I am starting to feel a little better. There is still a lot to do, but at least I'm on track.

So, my question (finally) is this: how do I show gratitude to my parents? Without their support, I could not have taken time off work to find a doctor and get my shit together. If I had started working right after graduation, I don't know that I would be of sound mind today. How do I show them how much their support meant to me?

Note: though I would love to make a grand gesture (i.e. send them on a trip or give them tickets to an event) I am not in a financial position that will allow for it.

Any ideas on gestures or ways I could show my gratitude?

How to influence people positively

furtive — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 11:00:53 -0800

How to stay cool with a fellow coworker and encourage them to do a god job at same time? I'm not a manager, but the senior developer on a small team. One of our guys has been doing a poor job at work, enough that it got the attention of higher ups. It's been an ongoing issue for a long time but he does have other redeeming characteristics.

Where I come in is that this morning he's been told by our boss to pull up his socks, and there's no doubt that my assessment of his work ethic was a factor.

I don't feel bad since both the assessment and call to shape up are legitimate and necessary, but how do I make him realize this isn't a rift or a downward spiral but an opportunity for improvement and for us to remain a close team?

Help me encourage a great future doctor not to lose faith in herself.

dorothy humbird — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 06:59:09 -0800

I'm out of fresh encouraging perspectives, and the stakes are higher than ever. Please help me figure out how to best be a supportive friend in the 11th hour of my pal's struggles with studying for the med school boards. So, my friend is a very intelligent and principled person, and has for most of her education been in honors classes and in other ways recognized for her commitment to learning and knowledge. She also happens to be one of the most caring people I know, and is absolutely one of my best friends. She is the sort of person who is keenly sensitive to the human element of any problem or situation, and for this reason I think she would be an invaluable addition to the field of medicine, which can sometimes be heavily populated by self-absorbed jerks and/or people who are only in it for the money.

But, as far as I can tell, she is burned out in the extreme from years of studying and studying, not to mention her family worries and expectations (she is a 1st gen daughter of immigrants from a country with pretty conservative expectations for offspring, and despite somewhat Westernized viewpoints on the part of her parents, there are still major friction issues). She has struggled this entire year, her second in med school, with getting herself to buckle down and study, and has been discouraged time and again even when she did with grades that fell below the median of her class - but she's scraped by. And now, with classes over so the students can completely focus on studying 10+ hours a day to pass the board exams, she is really and truly putting in the effort, only to keep getting dismal results on her practice tests for the boards.

She's discouraged. I'm discouraged for her. She's been seeing a counselor, but sometimes sabotages herself even there by not revealing the extent of her struggles, or not doing the tasks that the counselor suggests for her. It takes so much effort for her to just focus on studying these massive tomes of knowledge that she somehow has to ingest and immolate into her very core that when she doesn't make progress, she loses almost all faith in herself. She has mentioned to me that her brother, who also attended med school and is now in residency, did poorly in the books section too, but excelled once he was in a more hands-on environment doing rotations. So, I've been encouraging her to look ahead to that -- but the problem that she and I both obviously can't ignore is that she has to PASS the boards to get there.

I'm out of supportive words and phrases. Everything I can think to say, I've already said: just hang in there; quit beating yourself up; I BELIEVE IN YOU - YOU CAN DO THIS, BUT YOU NEED TO BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT; it's okay to take more time (she is now pushing back the beginning of her 3rd year to give herself more time to study because her practice test results haven't been enough to pass), you are smart! you are intelligent! you of all people should be a doctor because you actually care about human beings!

I've said it all already, and I can't imagine that repeating this to her is any help at this stage.

I need insight into this experience; who out there in MetaFilter has had similar struggles in professional schools - med school, law school, anything else similarly demanding? I am meeting to have coffee with her this evening, and I just want to give her the most encouraging pep talk I can feasibly manage without personal experience of what she is going through. It would crush me to see her defeated by this, and if there is anything I can say or remind her of to help her avoid that, I want it in my bag of resources. Help me help her.

* Partial credit: "the guy in B7"

BaxterG4 — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 18:26:17 -0800

Does loud, distinctly heard cheering (not general crowd roar) "work"? Is it at least benign? I understand that a loud energetic (adoring) crowd gets you more pumped up and assume that's subjectively and objectively established. But does a single person yelling a particularly loud phrase help? Or does it maybe hurt?

Yelling during golf is verboten, but athletes in nearly every other sport praise concentration and focus just like golfers.

Most of my prided work is done with an Undo button nearby. And no cheering. But have you ever been performing and had your name yelled (or even just a general "go!" that was directed toward you) and felt a surge? Or distraction?

Lo! An encouraging pebble!

Rabulah — Fri, 09 May 2008 12:46:52 -0800

Where, online, can I buy one of these rocks? Ideally, I'd like to be able to chose from a selection.

How do I tell my wife she's fat?

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 11:42:10 -0800

How do I tell my wife she's fat? We've been married for ten years and I still think my wife is pretty dang hot. I do not look at her and feel anything but desire. As far as my sex drive is concerned, she looks just fine.

But I'm concerned about her health. She's gained 10-15 pounds per year since we've been married and this last year, it was 25 (she had a baby during the year, which of course contributed, but 25 pounds is 25 pounds). She's just over 200 lbs right now.

I think for health reasons she should worry more about her weight. Because I don't want to encourage any body-issues, I never, ever, ever make negative comments about her weight. There's enough lousy psychological programming in the world that I really don't want to contribute. But she's now technically obese, and her risk of all sorts of medical problems is much, much higher.

I've tried to set an example. I now wear a pedometer all the time and we have a little competition to see who will improve the most, but that hasn't motivated her to move around more. We bought a treadmill, which she doesn't use.

I feel like it's time that I said something. Something kind, loving, and hopefully, non-hurtful. I would prefer to have it be something casual and non-confrontational, but I'm at a loss. Short of an intervention, what can I do?

How can I start being a source of inspiration rather than envy?

Ookseer — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 05:20:17 -0800

How can I start being a source of inspiration rather than envy? Over the years, with increasing frequency, people have told me that they envy me. When I was younger I used to thrive on this, that I was living a life that others envied. But now, as I focus more on living the life that makes me most happy and fulfilled, I'd rather be in inspiration to people, so they can also be happier.

I've always been willing to talk with people who want to know how I made my life this way, offered encouragement, support, and occasionally mentoring, but with very little success. It often ends with people saying something along the lines of "Well you're luckier than I am" (Which I completely disagree and think is an excuse for not trying) or complaining that I can't relate to them.

The last criticism might be valid. I'm what could be called a "self made" person. I have had a lot of business success have used that to give myself a large amount of freedom and pursue what interest me. Recently I've been traveling the world, exploring my interests, expanding my knowledge. This has really gotten people's envy up. However I try not to be condescending. I don't consider myself especially skilled, I funked out of college. And while I haven't had a "real" job for about 15 years, I have had a "normal" life a pretty messy history of hard knocks, and stupid decisions before that.

At any rate, I tend to drive people away eventually. It seems like if people were really that interested in a lifestyle like mine, I should be drawing them. But I'm not even totally sure what I'm doing to drive people away. Though it's possible that my "lavish" lifestyle makes people uneasy, and my constant encouragement that people work to improve their lives could be considered nagging.

How do you encourage comments?

Tlogmer — Sat, 02 Oct 2004 21:40:23 -0800

To encourage people to comment on your blog: The comments in a popup, or on the entry page itself? (And more generally, what design features encourage commenting?)