Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with elope

Should I elope?

Anonymous — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 09:34:03 -0800

Should I elope to avoid potential drama? My fiance and I are both in our mid thirties. His mother is his only living parent, and she is a lovely, lovely person. The rest of his family is small, less than ten people. My family, while not enormous, is larger. Both of my parents are living, but I do not have close relationships with either of them. My mother is mentally ill, and my father is just a difficult person. I see them fairly frequently, at least monthly, so it's not the kind of situation where we don't talk at all. We just don't talk about anything personal, if that makes any sense.

My fiance and I have talked about eloping by ourselves, just going somewhere and getting married, and that seems like the practical choice for convenience, our finances, and lack of immediate drama. But... I keep thinking that I would like the parts of my family that are not crazy to be there when I get married. I'm not talking about a big wedding, just a small ceremony followed by dinner.

My relationship with my fiance is a contentious issue with my parents; I am white, and he is black. The rest of my family does not have this problem. There are members of his family that are not particularly thrilled by his choice of spouses, but I feel fairly certain that they will keep that to themselves. I cannot trust my mother in this regard. I believe that my father will be a little more circumspect, but I can't actually guarantee either of them will come if I invite them. I'm afraid my mother is going to say something absolutely horrible and make people uncomfortable.

Has anyone been in this situation before? What did you end up doing, and would you have handled it differently?

Help us elope in Paris this summer!

Anonymous — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:46:43 -0800

Help us elope in Paris! My fiancee and I are planning a summer elopement in Paris (late July or early August), and need help finding an officiant for the ceremony (if religious, Catholic preferred; but secular is fine too). We plan on being legally married in NYC prior to the trip, so this would be more ceremonial, and a great way to kickoff our honeymoon in Paris.

In addition, we'd love your tips on outdoor locations for the ceremony, tips on English-speaking photographers and anything else we may not be thinking of yet.

We're planning on renting an apartment for the week (we're thinking about going through ParisPerfect based on a recommendation, but we're open to other suggestions).

Any tips would be most appreciated!

Vow Renewal?

arcticwoman — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 16:41:12 -0800

Are vow renewals sweet and romantic, or trashy attention grabs? Also: should we do it, and how? Almost six years ago, the week gay marriage was legalized in BC, my wife and I eloped. We were young (21 and 22), our families were not supportive of our gay relationship, we were very much in love, and we were also afraid that the right to get married would be a temporary one that we had to take advantage of IMMEDIATELY before it was revoked. We had a lovely ceremony in the city park with a marriage commissioner and half a dozen friends present, and all family members absent. In fact, we planned it for a Thursday, late morning, so that none of our family members could make it. We followed up with lunch at a local sandwich place. It was everything both of us wanted.

Fast forward, we are a little older and still very much in love, but the big difference is that both of our families are very loving and supportive. What's more, neither of my wife's siblings, and none of my (very numerous) siblings is or is intending to ever get married. Also, we're at the age now when all of our friends are getting married and, to be completely honest, I'm a little jealous of the big family parties and the recognition of our relationship.

So, I've been thinking about proposing a vow renewal ceremony. I would like to have a big ceremony in front of / with our beloved friends and family, and then I'd like to have a big party where everyone celebrates love and maybe even gets drunk. I just have this idea that vow renewal ceremonies are trashy, selfish, and silly. I am already married, so there is no legal necessity for any sort of ceremony, so, essentially, the only reason to do this is to get attention, right? I mean, I don't really think so - I think that I would want to have a vow renewal ceremony to be able to share this important thing with my family, but do others see it as just attention-whoring? Will people think it's a desperate bid to get gifts?

Also, I've been looking up vow renewal etiquette and everything says: don't have attendants, don't register for gifts, don't have bachelor/ette parties (which I don't really want, and, anyways, is a bit of a silly concept when applied to most gay relationships), keep it small and simple, don't make a big deal out of it. My problem is that part of my desire to have a vow renewal is because I didn't get any of those things the first time. I want some of my siblings to stand as my attendants, I don't think I want to be given away, but I would want my parents to be involved somehow. Why have a small, private ceremony if the point is to make up for a small, private ceremony? So, if I do decide that a vow renewal isn't trashy, would having a big 'do make it trashy?

Caribbean elopement

Punctual — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 06:06:06 -0800

Where, in the Caribbean, should we run off and get married? So, my man is about to become Mister Punctual. Woot! To avoid the wedding-industrial complex, and because I am lazy and don't care about flowers/bridesmaid dresses/caterers/extreme levels of stress, we are going somewhere, just the two of us, for a week to tie the knot.

I wanted Bali. He doesn't want to be on a plane that long (wuss). We have decided on somewhere in the Caribbean. I would like for it to be somewhere interesting with more to do than lie on the beach. We've been to Belize, Puerto Rico, St. Croix, Mexico (Mayan Riviera/Cozumel). So I was thinking Costa Rica. Monkeys! Jungles! Cool birds!

So, Hive, any recommendations for a beach-front all-inclusive in Costa Rica? Or should we go to the Dominican Republic or some other cool place I haven't thought of? From what I've seen, you can pretty much get married anywhere so that part isn't as important as a unique and cool destination. I don't want the Sandals-everyone's-been-there experience, if that makes sense. We are not divers, if that matters. We are runners and love kayaking, hiking, swimming, and eating. We do not fish or otherwise kill things. We'll be going in January.

I would love to hear your Caribbean travel experiences and recommendations. If there is any non-Caribbean destination you'd like to plug, that would be great to hear about as well. Thanks!

Old skool Vegas marriage

cestmoi15 — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 10:16:15 -0800

Las Vegas elopement filter: The bf and I would like to elope in Vegas. We're looking for the tackiest Vegas we can find; think fat Elvis, pink champagne, etc. What do you recommend? Money isn't too much of an issue, but no need to overspend.

Any guidance on chapels, hotels, packages, etc. would be great. The words tasteful, classy, elegant, etc. will not be appreciated! TIA!

Three ceremonies in three countries or just elope and send everyone a MOV file?

Mutant — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 19:53:56 -0800

InternationalMarriageFilter: So The Dark Princess has consented to marry a Mutant. We think three ceremonies in three countries are needed. Looking for tips / opinions / advise on the whole sheebang lest we say the hell with it all and elope. I'm American and live in London. The Dark Princess is Dutch and lives in Amsterdam. We work for the same bank and met during one of my biweekly trips to Holland. Things developed quickly and we're getting hitched. A few questions:

Her family lives in Holland. Mine in the US. To simplify matters we're thinking a single ceremony for the "official" act would take place in a small French town. Her and I thought this would most effectively be accomplished alone, or perhaps accompanied by one or two friends each.

Later there would be civil ceremonies with receptions for each family in a different domicile (i.e., US and The Netherlands).

A few questions:

I'm sure we're not the first to struggle with this issue. Is this, the obvious approach, optimal?
We're not clear on the EU wide legality of a ceremony held in France. We know it must be so, but does this truth hold if a non EU national (myself, the aforementioned American) is included?
What are the legalities of holding multiple ceremonies, if they are in fact civil or "ceremonial"? Intuitively we suspect no problems, but across national boundaries is this true?
Logistics? Back to back, get them over with fast! and get on with our lives - recommended or not? Seems like delaying one or more would cause family members undue concern. Again, how have others handled this?
Loot? We don't need nor want any. How to convince folks of this? The international aspect makes reutrning - or even accepting - unwanted gifts expensive and time consuming

In general, any tips or advise that you might be able to pass along would be welcome. I believe we may be a unnecessarily intimidated by this but even so, I want to make sure we don't overlook something blindingly obvious in retrospect.

Many thanks!

Eloping in New England

Anonymous — Tue, 15 May 2007 14:12:25 -0800

We just decided to elope next month. I am thinking of someplace in Vermont or Maine. Any suggestions? Maybe a B & B or beautiful cabins someplace very scenic? Maybe one of the Maine islands? A farm B&B near a lake in Vermont? Any suggestions are welcomed. Looking for someplace special I can drag poor husband to for anniversaries and such. I like off the beaten path for sure but am very open to suggestions. I think I can just call a JP? If anyone has wisdom on the subject I am all ears. Thanks...

In search of interesting place to elope...

cocoagirl — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 18:30:29 -0800

Where to elope? The SO and I would like to elope in January, but we haven't found a place that suits us. A Justice of the Peace/city hall-type wedding would suit us well, but if possible, we'd like that municipal building to be a wonderful, old, beautiful (or new and funky) building in an interesting country/city/area that we could spend some time exploring. Or, it could be an unusual site, like a barn or lighthouse, though those strike us as a little more complex to arrange.

One consideration is that we will have a 1.5 yo traveling with us so fewer time zones from the US east coast would be great, but time away isn't a huge limitation, and we could stay longer to justify the jet lag for the little one. The main requirements are:
- Ease & speed of licensing/paperwork
- An interesting site for the ceremony and area to explore for the rest of the visit
- Family-friendly travel and location

Cost is not a factor. It doesn't have to be in the US. It could be warm; it could be cold. It could be for a long weekend, or for two weeks with a kind of honeymoon built in. It could involve snowshoeing or a suite at the Ritz.

Just so you know how we're thinking: we considered Quebec (based on recommendations from some other threads), but as far as I can tell the lead time is 90 days for filing forms; Amsterdam has a residency requirement; Switzerland looks like it could be easy, but if the whole country's an option, I'm not sure how to start; Iceland might work, but has some paperwork lag due to one of us having been married before. NYC, Boston and Boulder are all on the short list, but we are both leaning toward someplace we haven't been before. Also, we want to avoid wedding industry tackiness, so Vegas, the Poconos, Niagara, etc. are out. Very long flights (e.g., to NZ or HK) are probably not going to make the cut either.

So does anyone know of any cool city halls, courthouses or other municipal-type buildings where the paperwork is easy? Thanks!

What do we need to know to get married in Japan?

bunglin jones — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 01:28:45 -0800

A Tokyo elopement - can it be done? My girlfriend and I, both Australian citizens, are planning on eloping to (in?) Tokyo at the start of May. We know about (and have made arrangements to obtain) the Certificate of No Impediment, but outside of that, we don't really know what else would be involved. We don't want a ceremony, just to go into some sort of City or Municipal Office and get some dude to declare us man and wife. Does anyone know whether we have to book ahead for this sort of service? Or how much it will cost? Or of any Tokyo-based information services that might be able to point us in the right direction?

Getting Married Outside of the US

davebug — Tue, 17 May 2005 10:12:40 -0800

I'm looking to elope later this year. The plan is to go on honeymoon to a place like Belize, starting off (there) with a simple, unattended ceremony. What are the implications of getting married outside of the US, and what sort of things do I need to do prior to the trip down there? Is this a bad idea?

Help me find a place to get married

Divine_Wino — Thu, 07 Apr 2005 07:45:55 -0800

So I think we want to semi-elope, we live in New York. We don't mind traveling somewhere, but are poor and we don't want to go to Vegas. Can anyone think of a Vegas style place (ie don't have to book in advance too much, have a nasty rubber chicken deal, customized matchbooks and the electric slide dj) where you can get married with not too much notice, without a huge entourage, for a non-bank breaking price?

Extra points for low-key but nice, not too far from the east coast. Or what about some sharpening of my google-fu so I could find the same, I kinda don't know where to begin.

Thanks loves...

What should I get for friends eloping in Vegas?

jmevius — Tue, 22 Feb 2005 07:49:16 -0800

Two friends of mine have decided to take the plunge and elope in Las Vegas. I completely support the idea and am trying to think of a gift for them. I was wanting to do something for them while they were there. But, I've never been to Las Vegas, so have no decent ideas. A restaurant reservation? Something to see / do? If so, where/what? Or am I better off getting standard wedding stuff once they get back? For what it's worth, I think they're planning on this Spring.

Eloping

kidhuevos — Fri, 26 Nov 2004 09:57:00 -0800

Should my fiancé and I elope? Our families are agnostic, get along famously and approve of this holiest of unions; however neither of us wants the stressful social/financial trappings that go along with a traditional wedding ceremony. As a consolation to any friends or family who feel slighted, we'll be throwing a reception soon after our private ceremony (we have decided not to hit people up for gifts either). Are we missing out on something by not holding a traditional wedding ceremony?

For the elopers out there: any regrets?