Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with drugabuse

Is there anything out there for people with a checkered past of drugs and jail?

Anonymous — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:52:41 -0800

How do I help my brother help himself? My brother is 40ish and has spent his adult life in and out of jail on various drug related charges. He is currently living with our mom in the Atlanta metro area, after getting out of jail earlier this year. I don't live anywhere near Atlanta. He can't find a job and my mom is at her wit's end on what to do to help him. Personally, I think he is showing all the classic signs of depression. Obviously, he doesn't have medical insurance, nor does he have any reasonable prospects of having insurance in the near future. Are there programs available to help him? I'm thinking he needs to get away and start over. Something like joining the military, but for repetitive drug abusers. Someplace where he'll be watched closely, be told what to do, and be put to work in exchange for room, board, and minimal spending money. He can be a hard worker and good employee - but he has to be told exactly what to do. His trouble begins whenever he starts making decisions.

My mother is too old to have to be dealing with this stuff, and she is simply unwilling to push him out the door to fend for himself. If I could point him towards something that gets him out of her house permanently, and gives him some direction, or just a job, it will be a win - win.

Is there anything out there for people with a checkered past of drugs and jail? Where do people like my brother find jobs? At this point, carnie at a carnival, some company shipping ex-cons to Iraq for contract work, it doesn't matter. He is not in a position to be choosy.

Throwaway email if you need to contact me: helpmybrother@mailinator.com

Telling your kids about the drug users in the family?

Anonymous — Sat, 09 May 2009 09:59:07 -0800

How do you best address family members' drug abuse/criminal history with your children? I have a son who is almost 3, and another on the way. I've been thinking about some of the issues we'll someday have to discuss with our children (such as drug use, sticking to the right path in life, etc.) and wondering how best to bring up some very negative history with some immediate family members.

Some of that history (sorry in advance for the length):

My husband's younger brother, now in his late 20's, has had lifelong problems -- ADD, some very serious unlabeled behavioral issues, possible learning disabilities, etc. In his late teens he started getting into very serious trouble with the law. He became addicted to heroin and used other drugs as well. He was arrested and incarcerated a couple of times, including a several years long sentence for drug-related charges and theft. He was released about 5 years ago and has been on methadone for probably 8 years (including the period of his latest incarceration). He's not got a lot going for him -- still on methadone, lives at home with his parents, and has difficulty adapting to jobs. However, he's also attending a trade school for computers, was recently married (wife lives in his parents' home too) and is a very devoted uncle to our son. To my knowledge, he's not been in any trouble whatsoever since he was released from prison 5 years ago. His problems have become somewhat of a joke in the family (not as malicious as it sounds, just occasional joking references to his imprisonment and the creative ways he found to pass the time, stuff like that).

My husband's father is in his mid-50's, is diagnosed bipolar and takes medication. He has worked in various management fields all his life, served some time in the Navy, has been married to my husband's mom for 30+ years, owns a nice home, and to outside eyes is a typical upper-middle class guy. He also spent quite a few years (including the heavy-drug use period of his son, my husband's brother) abusing drugs himself, and a few years ago, became addicted to crack. Literally. There were all kinds of incidents, including him disappearing for several days, getting beaten up by a drug dealer, trying to steal from one of his other sons, and other nasty things. He was arrested on drug charges also, but received probation before judgment. He was admitted to the psychiatric ward at the hospital in the days leading up to my first son's birth, and actually was released just in time to take the elevator to the L&D floor to visit. His drug abuse continued off-and-on for a few more months, then he evidently completed an outpatient rehab program, some counseling, got a new executive position and apparently has been fine for about two years now. He is also crazy about my son. Unlike the situation with his son, my father-in-law's addiction and related behaviors are never mentioned, though we're all aware of them -- they're the elephant in the room, so to speak.

I guess my main question is how you go about talking to your children about these kinds of family issues (when the time comes, that is -- not anytime soon, obviously!). My son adores both of these people and we see that side of the family about once a week, on average. I know that eventually, he is going to find out about his uncle's problems, and possibly his grandfather's also. I want to be able to be honest with my child about the behaviors and the consequences of those behaviors, but I also don't want to bias my child against his family any more than necessary. We do have a good relationship with my husband's family, and would like to maintain that.

If anyone has any firsthand experience with discussing family members who are less-than-stellar role models for your children, I'd really appreciate it. Any other advice is welcome too. Thanks in advance.

I don't want Dad to be a drunk!

Anonymous — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:48:55 -0800

How do I deal with a parent who seems to be developing a problem with drugs/alcohol BEFORE we end up on "Intervention"? Long story inside. My dad has struggled with anxiety/depression for as long as I can remember (he apparently attempted suicide sometime before I was born), but recently he's going into a complete tail spin like I've never seen before. I think he's developing a serious problem with drugs and alcohol (he is prescribed klonopin for anxiety but I think he's abusing it) and I want to help him. My sister is also in recovery and agrees with me, but we're not totally sure what to do. We have noticed him being drunk and high over the course of the last week, so it seems to have all developed very quickly.

Aside from his existing problems with depression, the source of his current despair is pretty easy to pinpoint. My sister is currently involved in a messy custody battle with her (abusive, violent, general bastard) ex-husband. About two weeks after the last court date, my father was arrested. Apparently, the ex was accusing him of assaulting the ex-husband with an axe (yeah, seriously) and now my dad has been charged with assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill. For the record, this never happened and is ridiculously untrue. Now my father isn't allowed near my sister's son, and has moved into a hotel about 20 minutes from our family home (where my sister, her son, and my mom live). He used to work out of state as a nurse, but since being charged, he can't leave the state and lost his job. My mom also works out of state until the end of December (at the same job he used to have) so she is only home 3-4 days a week and she stays at the house so my sister doesn't have to be alone with her son (my sister is still afraid of her husband and doesn't like to be alone much). So Dad basically sits in his hotel room, drinking and using, puttering around. He's told my sister and I both seperately that he feels suicidal, and wants to die and feels hopeless. I don't know if he's said the same to my mom. He's also confessed to my sister that he's been gambling a little online "to relax" and that he hid it from Mom so she wouldn't be upset. The one time I've visited him at the hotel, the place was a wreck and I think he'd pooped in the bathtub since it reeked of feces. This is a sad, pathetic state for a daughter to see her father in...and I don't know how to react.

Obviously, being charged with something so serious based on some dickweed's lie is going to make anyone feel despair, and the longer it drags on, the more hopeless my dad feels. I truly, truly empathize with him, but this is not the way to handle it. I'm so angry with him, and resent him for neglecting his responsibilities. I also struggle with depression (in treatment for it and on antidepressants) and I have been suicidal (as recently as 2 weeks ago) but I don't get to get high and drink and ignore the world. I get yelled at when I do that. In a weird way, I'm almost jealous.

The living situation is, in my opinion, a HUGE part of the problem. My father and I are similar in that, when we're alone, we dwell on negative things and work ourselves up into a frenzy until we're going crazy. Being alone in a hotel room all the time isn't his fault, and not helping. I suggested to my sister that we find a three-bedroom place together elsewhere in the city so Mom and Dad can live at the family home, and then we'll take care of my sister's fears of being by herself and my parents can go back to a slightly more normal married life. I haven't brought it up to my family, but I also want to live back at home because I'm intensely lonely and depressed in my current city, two hours away. So the move would be beneficial for me too.

I know I need to put the anger and resentment aside, but once I do that...now what? I feel helpless, like a drain on my family's dwindling resources (my sister's divorce has cost us close to $80k so far), and like I want my parents to be here for me in my struggles and not the other way around. I'm worried he's suicidal, I'm worried he's abusing his prescription, I'm worried he'll lose his job permanently (he's in the medical field and I'm pretty sure abusing prescription drugs is no bueno for that). Can/should I have him committed as a danger to himself? Ignore it? Tell him all the stuff I put here and hope he wakes up and stops?

FWIW, some background info: Mom and Dad are married, both in their early 50s. My sister is 24 (her son is 2 1/2) and I'm 22 female. We are both students, taking next semester off to work and make some money for the family. I also have an older brother who lives in the same city but he and his wife just had a baby (the same day as my father's arrest) and are slightly preoccupied.

Also, I am not involved in the legal situation at all. He and my sister are both lawyered up and that will all HOPEFULLY work out for the best, the way it should. I'm sorry about the length; some of it is cathartic and some I just feel like I need to fully explain the horrible messiness of it to get good advice. :)

What happens next when you call child protective services?

Anonymous — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 18:45:00 -0800

What happens when you call child protective services? We've just discovered that a single mother close to us is addicted to - and dealing - oxycontin. So we're going to call CPS. But we'd like to know what to expect, in terms of timelines and "what happens next," as the father of one of the children has been known to be violent at times. Thanks in advance.

So what is he on?

Evan Gaffney — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:05:35 -0800

Hello MeFites, I'm trying to determine what drug(s) a member of my family is using. A tiny bit of background information

We are sure that he has been abusing prescription painkillers for quite sometime but we have been at a loss as to what precisely he has been using. We would love to have this information so that we may confront him with certainty and not allow him to use any ridiculous excuses.

Recently we have discovered some of his paraphernalia I was hoping that this will help determine what he is using, hopefully with your help

Together in a box was:

a single syringe

a prescription bottle filled with clean cotton

a prescription bottle filled with small bits (approx 1/4 inch in diameter) of grey/green colored cotton that smelled of what I can only describe as tylenol/aspirin

a baggie filled with strips of crumpled up wax paper

I really don't know what to make of it and I don't know how to begin researching it. Also worth noting is that he was caught cutting up a pill into a powder.

And, finally, yes, we have attempted to drug test him but unfortunately he has been, well, less than cooperative.

Thank you so much for any help and information you can provide

I have a drinking problem. Now what?

Anonymous — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:48:44 -0800

My girlfriend says that she's going to leave me at the end of the week if I don't attempt to seek help for my drinking problem. Now what? To put it in perspective, I don't know if she'll actually leave me, but she's obviously doing a good job at expressing the fact that she's at her wits end.

I guess I do have a drinking problem, yeah. However, I'm totally in the stage where I'd rather just ignore it and carry on with my life. Is that what's best for me? Probably not, and I know that.

I'm successful in my career, and alcohol isn't interfering with that. My finances are a little bit messed up, but they're getting better and booze isn't the direct cause.

I'm a 28 year old male. I started binge drinking when I was in college. Now that I've been out of college, I still continue to binge (with my friends) about once/week. Sometimes a little bit less. I go out to the bar, and I'm not having a good time until I've had about 4 beers. From there, I'm incapable of stopping. I drink and drink and drink until the sun comes up or we run out of booze. As the years go by, it's getting worse and worse.

My girlfriend is worried about me (understandably so) because of risks that I take when I'm drunk. I get rides from strangers, I end up in strange places with people that I don't know. A few months ago, no one could find me for a few hours because I'd passed out in a neighbor's yard on my walk home. The latest incident, this past Saturday night, I ended up ditching friends to hang out with a stranger. My phone was off so no one could find me, but my girlfriend got in touch with my friends who told her that I'd left the party more than an hour ago. Essentially, I was missing. This is not uncommon.

So, yeah, I have a problem. I know it. I don't really want to stop drinking. Scratch that. I can't bear the thought of having to quit drinking. I keep thinking that if I can just learn to ride the buzz after a few drinks then I'll be fine. So far, that hasn't been possible. As soon as I start drinking I have no off switch.

Another thing to keep in mind is that I just get it into my head that I'm going to binge, and then I do so. At work and family functions, I'm always totally ok to go out and just have a drink or two. It's when I'm with my friends, where binging is acceptable, that I lose control.

These aren't just drinking buddies. They are my dearest friends from way back, and not hanging out with them anymore isn't an option. And it's not just their fault. If there's a band playing in town on a Saturday night, and friends don't want to come with me, I'll go out and binge by myself and end up hanging out with strangers. They're not as bad as me, by the way. They tell me that I drink too much too.

I'm very busy with work during the week, and taking a few hours off to go to a therapist is extraordinarily inconvenient. I might be able to find someone in the evening, but I dunno. This whole thing is a serious blow to my ego. I pride myself of being able to "work hard and play hard." That sounds lame, I know, but I guess what I'm saying is that I hope that moderation is somehow an option.

Where do I start? What do I do? Has anyone had success with learning how to drink in moderation? I don't feel AT ALL ready to just walk into an AA meeting ... that sounds like hell.

What are some old-school rap or hip-hop songs that go against the gang/sex/drugs culture?

daninnj — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 21:03:55 -0800

What are some old-school rap or hip-hop songs that go against the gang/sex/drugs culture? I'm looking for not-as-well-known-today 80s or 90s (although today is okay, I prefer older music) hip hop or rap music that goes against the norms of rap music today: sex, drugs, violence, gangs, etc...

Some examples are:
Rappin' 4 Tay - I'll Be Around: cautions against the gang lifestyle
Nice & Smooth - Sometimes I Rhyme Slow: tells of cocaine abuse
Nonchalant - 5 o' Clock: cautions against drug abuse and drug deals

There are major hits that fit into this category (TLC - Waterfalls, Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise) but I rather see lesser known hits.

Help me with my 18 year old brother

meta x zen — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 11:09:26 -0800

Mental health/Drug Abuse/Family Relations: My 18 year old brother seems to be slowly slipping into serious drug use and my parents are clueless. My little brother, 18, was diagnosed as bi-polar a year and a half ago. I have been for 8 years now. While at first I was a helpful influence for him, our relationship has grown strained. I got into drugs in a bad way for three years starting at around age 18 and messed myself up a bit. My brother was first institutionalized a year ago and had been found to be smoking a lot of pot. The pot smoking causes nasty mood swings and hallucinations for him. His “self medicating” was in fact worsening his situation. After being hospitalized for a second time because of the bipolar and substance abuse he promised to clean up and appeared to be for a while.

Now here is where I screwed up… One night I hear my brother come in and I go up to say hi. He seemed out of it but I didn’t press the issue. Thirty minutes later I went to the car we share to retrieve something only to discover it reeked of weed. An important note at this point is I’m a miserable drunk and was plenty wasted at the time. I have to admit I lost it. Stormed into his room waking him and my parents up, yelling about how could he do this. The fact that he was probably smoking weed (I’m 60% sure he was) was lost in my inappropriate reaction. I was asked to go to my parents with future concerns and not him.

Four months ago (a few months after the last incident) he came home high on cocaine. I knew it immediately after talking with him for thirty seconds. I asked him right out how much blow he had done. He responded just a little and I informed my parents. Appropriate actions followed.

This Monday night he came home way too energetic. I immediately thought he was high. I had him come down to talk with my other brother and my fiancée to confirm my suspicion. Note once again, I was drunk and wanted to be careful before jumping to conclusions. Eyes twitching, constant hand rubbing, double feet bouncing and incoherent stories about a new business plan seemed to convince all three of us quickly. I asked him to step outside with me and asked him how he was. He figured out pretty quickly I thought he was on drugs and I confirmed that I had my suspicions. He flipped, drama ensued. My parents had him drug tested in the morning. My parents told me today they want me to begin the healing process and apologize to my brother.

Sorry for the long explanation but I thought the storyline was necessary. I have a few questions.

A. I am pretty sure he wasn’t on coke this time but rather Ritalin or Adderall. Would these necessarily come up on a standard piss test?
B. Any thoughts on whether or not I should apologize? I probably should have gone to my parents but he is also an adult and my brother. Do I have no place on calling him out? I don’t feel like I need to and more importantly don’t feel like I should apologize.
C. He is going away to school nearby in two weeks so it is almost a moot point but any advice to what I can do as an older brother to be watching out for him without endangering our relationship?

Recreational abuse of medication.

five fresh fish — Sat, 17 Dec 2005 22:07:49 -0800

What happens if I eat all my Celexa (citalopram) at once? Not that I'm going to do it.