Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with drinking

No, sippy cups are not for scotch

Anonymous — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:57:42 -0800

My kid has a much beloved playdate buddy. Problem is; playdate buddy's mom is a drunk. A clingy, needy, whining, status-symbol addicted, country-club, drunk. I wouldn't mind if she was a fun drunk, or if she only drank after her husband got home, or if she didn't call me and want to come over when she was drunk...but suddenly, I've got this drunken crazy woman in my sphere. I don't much care for her, but our kids adore each other. I don't drink. I used to drink. I used to drink a lot. Then I realized I was probably an alcoholic, and I quit drinking for the most part. (I'll once every couple of months have a glass of wine, or an after dinner port or brandy, but I've trained myself to stop after one. More than one and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop, ya know?)

Anyway, I know all the symptoms of someone who is functionally drunk. The careful enunciation, the deliberate movements, the sort of sloshy head thing, and the overwhelming cloud of breath mint. She hides her drinking, but it's pretty obvious that she carries booze with her, on outings, she'll disappear every 15 minutes or so until she hits that "stage". Anyone who knows a drinker knows what I mean by the "stage".

All of that would be annoying, but tolerable, except for the fact that she wants to drive over to our house after she's called and I can tell she's "staged". Also, when we go places, she wants to always take her car, because she has a very expensive car, and she doesn't want to be seen getting out of my little economy car, when we could be driving in her status-mobile.

Thus far, I've been avoiding the issue by saying "oh, I'm sorry we're doing something" or by bringing my kid over to their house...but tomorrow is a big day. A bunch of neighborhood moms are scheduled to take the kids to see Santa and some other xmas events.

It will be an all day thing, starting very early. How do I tactfully suggest that she ride with me, rather than letting anyone else ride with her?

I despise drunk drivers more than I can express, for reasons I won't elucidate here. But she's kept her alcohol use hidden really well from those people who either aren't or haven't been around alcoholics. So, I can't just come out and say to the other moms "Look, she's a drinker, it's not safe, just take your minivan." I mean, I can, but it's going to cause a huge scene, at xmas, when everyone is already on edge, plus I'm not sure anyone would believe me. She's very good at hiding it, and she intimidates those people who are intimidated by wealth.

But, I'm afraid if I don't say something, then gods forbid, something happens...I can't knowingly put all those other people in danger.

Help me hive mind. How do I keep the drunken trophy wife out of her Lincoln?

Throwaway email: playdatemomdrinks@gmail.com

That drunk guy on TV that was on past my bedtime.

chambers — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:37:31 -0800

Identify this late 70's-early 80's British TV show starring a drunk guy! I saw it in the late 70's - early 80's in the United States, on a PBS station in Pittsburgh. It was on late at night, right before or right after Benny Hill. It was most definitely from the UK, but wether it was BBC or ITV produced I don't know.

Forgive the somewhat odd backstory, but it will help give some context to the vague remembrances of over 25 years ago. I was only a small lad then, and was only about seven or eight. My parents found it somewhat amusing, but discouraged me from watching it, as it was apparently a bit of salty humor. Most of it went over my head, but i remember he was offensive at times, and quite opinionated. Topics mostly were about current events, I think. It would have been seen as a very un-PC show, if that term were around then.

It was just a middle-aged man, in a suit and sitting on a stool, and he always had a drink in his hand. He was some sort of comedian or raconteur, and would get progressively more drunk as the monologue went on. I have no recollection of him having guests on, but I may be wrong.

Any ideas?

Strategies to cut down on social drinking? (long story within)

Anonymous — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 11:30:48 -0800

My social drinking has become troublesome lately. Strategies to cut down, or perhaps quit completely for a while? (long, sorry) I've been more depressed on and off the past half year or so, due to several life-change stressors, death of someone close to me, etc. I've noticed a few times this week that I've been drinking hard and fast when out with friends. I'd like any tips/tricks you have on cutting back while out. I suppose I might warrant a "don't drink at all" response; if so, so be it. but if there are cutting-down strategies to suggest Those are welcome too.

More background on why I'm concerned: I am taking antidepressants, so this isn't really healthy to be drinking so much, given that alone. Also, I've had a period in my twenties where I drank a LOT both when out and when home alone. Dating an alcoholic made me realize how far south I was headed, at which point I made major changes and did much better with not drinking very much. Now I'm in my early 30s, and while I've been good in general, and drinking in moderation, I've had several "why did I drink that much?" evenings in the past few months, and I don't seem to be learning my lesson from the hangovers or weight gain. I'm not always establishing a limit when I go out (i.e. "no more than 3 tonight") but I have gone over what I deem acceptable, say, 4 to 6 a night every 4-5 days. However, this week was especially concerning since I had 6+(who knows?) on a Tuesday, 3 on Thursday, and 6+ (again, who knows?) last night. (And, I am female by the way.)

Thanks.
temp/disposable email: jsmithjsmith002@gmail.com

Am I inappropriately worried about his drinking?

Anonymous — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 11:25:54 -0800

I get annoyed with my husband when he drinks. Is this the beginning of a drinking problem, or just MY problem? He's never been violent, missed work, driven after drinking, or had any trouble with the law.

He likes beer. He doesn't drink every night of the week, but when he does, he tends to binge drink. To me, it appears he can't (or doesn't want to) stop after just a few, even if that is his stated intention. It's normally 6+, and tonight it was 13. After going out for drinks at a bar, he will often stop off at a store for more beer to bring home, even if it's late at night.

The problem is, once he passes a certain point (usually around 5 beers or so) I start to feel distinctly uncomfortable with his behavior. He acts silly. He does mildly embarrassing things. He sometimes slurs. He becomes overly affectionate, and also overly sensitive if someone (normally, me) is not amused by his behavior. For some reason, after he's gone past buzzed and into "getting drunk" territory, I start to dislike him. I feel angry, even a bit repulsed.

We've had a couple of screaming fights when he's been drinking, which is not normal for us. Once or twice I've even told him that I just want him to stop drinking altogether, or learn how to drink in moderation (not to the point of drunkenness), but I worry I'm being too controlling. He has attempted moderation in the past, and he's even "stopped drinking" a few times, but it doesn't last.

I can be very nagging and overly controlling in everyday life (I am aware of this, and I do make an effort not to be), and I suspect part of his drinking is one way of escaping the anxiety he feels about this, and maybe also a way of working up the courage to confront me on it, since he normally won't when he's sober.

When he's drunk, sometimes I feel like he's spoiling for a fight, and I've told him this. He's taken it under consideration and is making a distinct effort to not be so sensitive when he's been drinking. I've also agreed to stop needling/nagging him about how much he drinks. After all, he's an adult and has to make his own choices, and I admit that I have been kind of overbearing about this. I'm hoping that, if I take the pressure off his drinking for a while, he might eventually find his own middle ground because he won't be resenting or rebelling against me.

I took the al-anon quiz recently, and only scored on like 3 of the items, which is very borderline/inconclusive. It doesn't exactly fit our situation, but something is distinctly not right here.

Bottom line: I can't tell if this is the start of a serious drinking problem, or if it's just me being too controlling and nagging.

In either case, I am unsure how to proceed.

you'd look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two

Juliet Banana — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:57:32 -0800

My boyfriend and I really want to win Most Stylish Couple at The Sadie Hawkins Style Ride in one week. Any suggestions? (previously) There is no way on earth we are winning Fastest Couple; normally I wouldn’t even participate in a ride since I’m the speed-racing equivalent of a child riding on the sidewalk or a pedicab, but it’s a short ride (~3 miles), you can skip checkpoints and hop to the bar if you’re not concerned with winning Fastest Couple, the money goes to a good cause, there’s beer at the end, and I really want that pair of Seagull Bags.

I have a teal&orange little boy’s bike from the late sixties or early seventies; it’s a Schwinn Stingray knockoff. My boyfriend has a yellow Schwinn Varsity.

So, how do we dress? I’m a girl with most of my somewhat eccentric wardrobe obsessively cataloged online, if you know where to look for it. My boyfriend’s most distinctive features are a blonde handlebar mustache and a collection of brightly colored skinny jeans. We’re riding at night in Chicago’s November, so all-black clothing is probably not genius, and moderate warmth is a must (it’s not snowing or anything and I generally heat up on my bike, but it’s definitely tights&hoodie weather).

The best idea I’ve had is my boyfriend dressing like an olde timey admiral with a captain’s hat and me dressing like a pirate with a pirate’s hat,with my eyepatched sock monkey riding in my jolly-roger-outfitted bike basket. This really isn’t that costumey for us (I’ve worn both those hats to shows and he wears that captain’s hat everyday to work) but given the timing I worry it’ll look like we just reused our Halloween costumes.

I have access to two bright and colorful wardrobes, a million accessories including a backpack shaped like an owl and a sombrero, and pretty much every store in Chicago proper including craft stores and a bunch of resale shops in Boy’s Town. So, what other themes could we go for to look like a super-stylish matched cycling couple?

Broke and Drunk in Montreal. Help.

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 10:00:20 -0800

Broke and Drunk in Montreal. Help. Things are rough. My lifelong romance with booze has really gone sour. After a few feeble attempts at getting my act together, I’ve decided I really need help.

Problem is, I’m not sure where to turn. Everything I’ve learned about AA sounds really repulsive, and the prospect of talking to a shrink makes me want to barf. I know that being sort of a misanthrope is part and parcel with my alcoholism, but everything I’ve seen or learned of the experience of getting sober makes my stomach churn, both literally and figuratively.

Drinking is basically destroying me. Booze has infiltrated and poisoned every facet of my life: friends, family, finances, and my relationship with my girlfriend. I haven’t been to a doctor in about a decade, but I’m sure at this point my liver is looking like a decomposed squirrel. I used to think of myself as somewhat bright, but I’m seriously starting to feel that drinking heavily since I was about seventeen (I’m now thirty-four, yikes) has turned my brain to mush.

Also: I’m broke. I just moved to Montreal for grad school, and as you can imagine being a mostly-unemployed student and aspiring writer with massive debts—along with the expenses of a daily drinking habit—does not leave much money or leisure time left to check into a posh rehab facility. Actually, it leaves zero. As you can imagine, the combination of being a wasted lush and being monetarily fucked is not so good for an already crushed ego, leaving one longing for the temporary relief provided by drinking.

The positive side of it is that my girlfriend and closest friends are pretty supportive and understanding, but I know they’re losing patience as I continually fail to clean up my act. I’ve made an appointment to meet with a counselor through university, but that’s weeks away and I’m feeling pretty distraught. I’ve never been to therapy or anything like that before, and even calling to make that appointment drove me to tears.

What can I do? Can I get help that actually helps and doesn’t make me even more cynical and depressed? Is there a program that actually works and is accessible to a poor-ass schmoe like me? To be somewhat coarse: is there an AA for cool people? I’d love to hear anyone’s experiences of addiction treatment that actually inspires me to think positively and not wallow in self-pity. And to try and actually enjoy quitting drinking, rather than feeling like I’m being punished. Or is that completely the wrong attitude to take? But please: no lectures or platitudes. Real, concrete advice. Thanks.

Meet Iggy Pop and David Bowie (for beers)?

ClanvidHorse — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 04:13:27 -0800

Give me your recommendations for good bars in Berlin and Hamburg-with a few provisos! We are going to be in Berlin and Hamburg this week and we already have our sightseeing itineraries worked out. We would like to complement this by going to some great bars when we are there. Five people are going.

A few considerations that I hope you can take into account:

-ideally we would like to go to areas that have a concentration of bars/nightlife. A great bar in an isolated area may be great in it's own right, but being in a group, we would like to be in areas where we can bar-hop and move from one place to the next if the current one's not to our taste.

-we would like the bars to be quite lively.

-we like good dive bars, a little bit scuzzy is good.

-we would rather listen to rock music/electro than hard techno.

-we would like to drink nice beer.

-somewhere that sells great food is good.

-hipsterish is both good and bad. If you know a good hipster bar, please tell me, if you know one to avoid, please tell me.

-any other info such as subway stations, best times to visit an area, anything else that you can think of would be most appreciated.

I've been to Berlin before, read a few of the Berlin websites and previous threads but anything you have to add would be great.

Thanks

Is a ticket equal to a "crime"?

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:33:55 -0800

Is an underage drinking ticket a crime, for application purposes? I am afraid I might have answered it wrong and now I have an interview. I got a ticket for underage drinking about 6 or 7 years ago. It was not a misdemeanor, it was a ticket for violation of municipal code. I was not driving. Fast forward to now- I am applying to medical schools this year. On the primary AMCAS application (the first app that gets sent to all schools) it asks if you have been convicted of any misdemeanors or felonies, so of course my answer was NO. Because I haven't.

Anyway, after schools get this application they send you a 'secondary' which asks for more info. Some of them don't go into any more depth regarding this issue. Some schools ask if you have ever been convicted of anything at all, ever (and in these cases I did bring it up and explain.) One in particular has me confused though. I recently got an interview invitation from a school and I went back to reread my secondary application with them and found this question, to which I answered NO:

"Have you ever been convicted of a crime, or pleaded guilty and been placed on probation, court supervision or another preconviction program? A "Yes" answer does not automatically result in your disqualification for admission to X Medical College."

i filled it out months ago so i cant remember my thought process, but I guess when I see the word "crime" i think of shoplifting, or drugs, or something. Or as the other application says, felonies and misdemeanors. I am confused as to whether my municipal ticket is equal to a crime and whether I should have answered this question accordingly. I'm also nervous now because I am afraid if I bring it up after having been invited to interview, they will think I was trying to be sneaky and dis-invite me (yes, schools can un-invite you.) Should I just forge ahead and hope for the best, and be prepared to explain if it comes up? Is this less of a big deal than I think it is?

Many schools run background checks on applicants who are accepted, but this school doesn't, so if I don't tell them they would probably never know. Also for what it's worth, I have another interview at a different school that I DID disclose this incident to, so I guess its not a dealbreaker there. Should I stir the pot to try and cover my ass, or did I answer it right? Should I just let it go? I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it should be by calling attention to it unless I feel like I really was misleading. Was I?

Thanks.

Places to drink in Munich that are NOT the typical beer hall?

badish — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:11:36 -0800

Hi, I'm going to be in the Munich area over the holidays and I want to find a place to hang out and drink. I've lived there already and I'm over the typical Bavarian biergarten/hall scene. Ideally, I'm looking for somewhere cozy and student oriented, good music playing (indie, downtempo, alternative hip-hop etc) and good, natural lighting for people watching. 100 super bonus points if their beer of choice is Augustiner!!! Thank you!!!!!

I want to want to stop drinking. And I sort of do. But I don't.

Anonymous — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 19:57:43 -0800

How can I make myself actually *want* to stop drinking, rather than just intellectually *know* that I should, then feel guilty for not even trying? How can I motivate myself to keep attempting to quit? I am a 26yo female who has been drinking for around 10 years. During this time I would estimate that I have been quite drunk around once or twice per week, on average (so maybe 10 drinks). I don't drink daily by any means, but the longest I've ever gone without drinking is probably a month or two - and that's only happened maybe twice. Sometimes I'll just have one or two but I mainly get very drunk. I'm guessing this is considered to be heavy use, although many of my friends probably have similar levels.

Over this time I have gained a reputation as a bit of a party girl / loudmouth which, oddly enough, used to be a source of pride... but increasingly is a source of shame. As my peers mature I am stuck in silly adolescent behaviour and am more aware of how selfish and attention-grabbing I am when drinking.. and sometimes sober I suppose. The line between the drunk me and what I think of as The Real Me is now almost completely blurred. Now, the mornings after, I have very strong 'emotional hangovers' with a cringeing regret about whatever I did last night. I have little idea these days about whether this shame has any basis in reality, but it doesn't really matter, because I feel so guilty in general for continuing to drink. This horrible feeling of being out of control, not myself, is the major reason I would like to stop (I have also habitually done many stupid and dangerous things while drinking, such as driving, random drugs, chain smoking and unsafe sex. My professional network is also quite small in this city and becoming increasingly aware of how drunk I get.)

I have been to AA (and decided, unequivocally, that it's not for me), various therapists, tried naltrexone for a couple of months with varying success, and I've read and tried to research almost everything I can find on addiction. I've sought out non-AA support groups but they are not available in my small city. I'm currently in therapy one hour per week (I've had about 5 sessions so far), which is helpful insofar as I am expressing my feelings about minor family dysfunctions (nothing terrible, just your average childhood really); dropping out of grad school; my relationship/s; my drinking behaviour; my identity; my run-of-the-mill graduate career crises etc. I'm not depressed, I'm in reasonably decent health (I hope) for someone who puts so much poison into her body on a regular basis, and most things in life are, on the balance, objectively pretty good.

Yet I STILL feel this compelling drive to get drunk at least once per week, always followed by a day or more of sickness, apathy and depression. It's getting to the point where I am extremely concerned about the effects on my health and wellbeing, on my reputation, my mental health and of course on the people around me. The thought that this could go on for another 10 years is utterly terrifying.

But it's that old conundrum - am I unhappy because I drink, or do I drink because I'm unhappy? After all this time, I just don't feel any closer to quitting drinking. It's like some part of me just doesn't even consider stopping. I can't seem to make a decision and stick to it (even as I say that, I realise it's just my own self-defeating voice speaking, yet from my experience, it seems so true.)

So my question is NOT a general, what should I do about my drinking, or, is it a problem. I feel like I am pretty familiar with the answers to those questions already.
What I want to know is, how do I make myself WANT to stop, to want to try? How do I differentiate this attempt from numerous others, whereby I actually believe it is possible? How can I best help myself? Is there something specific I could be asking my therapist, my boyfriend or my family to do to help me? What are the ingredients of a successful change to sobriety? (Please no Big Book quotes!)

Thank you all so much for any advice you can give - I am desperate to hear anything new on what, for me, has become a very old and tired theme.

Is it safe to drink from stainless steel?

pasici — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 09:54:08 -0800

Trying to be safer and heeding the advice of many, I threw out all my plastic water bottles and bought new stainless steel ones including this stainless steel cup. On the cup (but not on the bottles), there was the California Proposition 65 warning that "This product contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm." Why? I thought the whole point of switching to stainless steel was that it was not a carcinogen. Is the manufacturer just being overly cautious? Is there some difference between the cup and the bottles? Is this something for my (worry-prone) wife to worry about?

Unhealthily jealous of the attention my girlfriend gets from guys

plechazunga — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 09:51:34 -0800

Guys are always hitting on my girlfriend and making it clear that she is out of my league, how do I stop being jealous MeFi? (possibly useful background - those who have read my previous questions will know that I have just come out of a very long term relationship)

So I am now seeing a fantastic girl who - without meaning to sound massively insecure - is someone who I have known for just over a year and have always considered to be WAY out of my league. She is beautiful and more like the cheerleader type you always secretly had a crush on in school while I am a rather more scruffy ex skateboarder and I am completely aware that she fell for my personality before my looks. Her longest relationship so far has been two years while mine is eleven.

My biggest problem is that whenever we go out, prior to her introducing me as her boyfriend, guys are always hitting on her. She has done so much to reassure me that she isn't interested but I am having a hard time getting over it. Additionally there are a couple of her exes in her large circle of friends, which makes me slightly uneasy.

Eg one time this guy comes over (friend of a friend of a friend of hers, jock type who is more like the person people would imagine her with) and starts talking directly to her, within a few seconds he is putting his arm around her. She says "by the way this is my boyfriend", he looks at me disbelievingly (a very typical reaction from people who hear the news), and I turn it into a joke ("yeah, she's still recovering from the eye surgery" - true story) and secretly want to punch the guy's face off. Conversation goes stale after this and he moves over to another girl. Another night, her very drunk ex turns up, again not realising that she is with me, grabs her ass and leans in for a kiss. She walked away from him.

On top of this (sorry it's so long) she gets drunk. Like really drunk. I am worried that one day she won't have the strength to resist if I am not there, but at the same time I don't want to tell her not to get drunk as it is issues of control like this that lead me to break up with my ex.

Like i said, she has gone to great lengths to reassure me that I am the only one she wants and that she doesn't perceive a difference in our levels of attractiveness but I can't stop worrying.

I guess there are four problems: 1 my jealousy. 2 her drinking. 3 the way other guys see her. 4 my feelings that I am punching above my weight and that genuinely one day she will get over her eye surgery and leave me. Am I being a crazy jealous freak?

Teach me to drink in Ireland!

nitsuj — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 18:59:55 -0800

I'm heading off to Ireland next week, and plan on spending lots of time in pubs. What do I need to know about drinking in and around Ireland to totally not come off as a dolt?

drunk dating?

somersault — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:09:24 -0800

I am a recently recovering alcoholic. I am casually dating someone who does not know I am a recovering alcoholic. Should I tell him? How should I tell him? Should I end things all together? I am a very recently recovering alcoholic, as in I’m still in outpatient treatment. I’ve also recently started dating this great guy who I’ve known for almost a year now. I would classify our dating relationship as somewhat casual. We talk on the phone every night and see each other once or twice a week.

He knew me when I was drinking but he never saw the points when I hit rock bottom while drunk. I think he might be suspicious I have a drinking problem (as anyone who has seen me come into contact with booze normally is), but has never brought it up.

I am financially stable, employed, intelligent, educated. I am many things. I am also an alcoholic.

He has a normal, healthy attitude about drinking.

He doesn’t know I’ve quit drinking entirely. I’ve told him I’ve decided to take a break from alcohol when we’ve been out.

He has done and said a lot of things that suggest he’d like to become more serious. I’m not going to list them but I’m fairly certain he would like to pursue things further.

We’ve slept together. We’ve had great sober sex. But we once had sex during a relapse of mine. I was black out drunk. In order to explain why I do not think he was sleazy is because of two points. Number one being that we had sober sex several times before that. He was also not present when I consumed alcohol (I was with other people). Number two is that when I’m blacked out, I’m fully functional. There have been many times I’ve walked around, carried conversations, purchased items, etc., without people realizing the point of my intoxication.

I like him a lot. I hate what I’m doing. I want to tell him that I’m an alcoholic but I’m afraid. Obviously I have to tell him, right? Or do you think I should just cease all contact without explanation (spare us the pain, humiliation, and awkwardness that a confession would bring)? If I tell him, how detailed should I be? Obviously I’m not going to give him my first step, but would a succinct “by the way..” be enough?

I know Alcoholics Anonymous strongly suggests not dating anyone while in recovery, but part of me thinks that this could be healthy if we maintain a casual dating relationship. I know I can’t continue to do this to him. It isn’t fair. Should I tell him and then end things before things get messy? What should I do in this already mess of a situation in order to treat him kindly, fairly?

I’d like some objective advice about what I should do. Thank you.

As a side note, I am posting this anonymously for a friend who posts on MetaFilter. I don't have any professional or personal ties to this username whereas she does.

To drink or to stop drinking so much

Anonymous — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 18:54:17 -0800

How bad is it to take Xanax with a glass or two of wine? I never used to drink. I hated the taste of wine and liquor. But now I've found a kind of wine I really like, and I've gone through three bottles of wine this week alone. Also, I like taking my Xanax (.25 mg) with it.

I don't drink until I throw up or am blitzed out of my mind. I haven't been able to learn to relax my whole life aand am prone to anxiety. This drinking wine and taking Xanax with it has really, really helped me when nothing else has.

Should I stop mixing the Xanax with alcohol? Should I not drink more than 1 glass of wine a night? If it matters, in figuring out how much I can drink without damaging myself, I'm 5'3 and about 107lbs.

spritual awakening turns to self-indulgence? or just "normal"

Anonymous — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 07:17:51 -0800

I turn 40 soon, married. A few years ago I had what I believe to be a major spiritual awakening, but it really hasn't "stuck", to the core anyway. I have since found the pendulum swing far the other way to where I'm a surprised to find i'm now inclined to: drink to excess, flirt with women (some pretty young), smoke marijuana/ tobacco, listen to stuff like Kid Rock and relishing the vulgarity/attitude, watch porn - (this is mostly all "private" behavior) is this all indicative a midlife crisis situation? or "spiritual backlash"? or do i need to come to terms that i've taken a road down towards creepville?

Blanket Fort Party

Juliet Banana — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 10:13:21 -0800

In approximately two weeks, I will be holding a Blanket Fort Goodbye Party on almost the entire top floor of an apartment building. Given the excellent ideas I got from this previous party thread, I thought I'd ask what you crazy kids: what would you want to see at a blanket fort party? "Blanket fort" means the same thing as "couch fort;" there's a local band named Couch Forts I'm trying to not get us confused with. We're looking to enclose as much of an area as possible with blankets, high enough for tallies to be able to stand up straight in. We're also having three DJs play in a backroom, a straightforward "here's a song, now here's another song" DJ to get things started and then two wildly popular and talented local superstars to play the height of the party.

We have the top floor of the our apartment building to work with. It was apparently a hotel back in the 1920s so imagine that we have the size of 3 large hotel rooms, connected by hallways. Two of the apartments are completely empty. I am completely unconcerned about moderate damage to walls or leaving it particularly spotless. I'm not very concerned about keeping the blankets flawless, either. The ceilings are too high to reach, and we're going to have to try to build a ceiling out of blankets.

Our apartment building has a long history (apparently going back to the 1980s) of being an underground music venue that has raves and hardcore punk and noise and experimental electronic shows in the basement. This is the first major party that's going to be held in the upper floors. A lot of people can be expected to show up; not quite as many as a hardcore show (typically 80-100 people throughout the night) but more than our previous house parties (we usually get around 20-something people to show up).

How do we hang up this many blankets and sheets? My current shopping list includes a hammer, nails, lots of rope to string between nails and keep the "ceiling" suspended, clothespins to attach fabric to rope, safety pins to attach fabric to fabric, thumbtacks to attach fabric to walls.

Where do we get them? Thrift store sheets still run $2-$3. I was wondering if it'd be cheaper to buy yards and yards of fabric from a fabric store. We're also going to borrow as many extra sheets and tapestries and etc as we can.

What different areas should we have? One apartment is devoted to the DJs and dancing; how should we set up the stage? There will probably be a projector playing on a white sheet. I'm also thinking of devoting a small bedroom to being brightly lit with a nice sheet in the background to take people's Polaroids (it's our goodbye party, I'm going to miss everyone) and having the living room as some sort of lounge area. What should we have in the lounge area? Candles to toast smores over (fire hazard? people are definitely going to be smoking, anyway), lots of pillows, what else?

Any amazing examples of huge blanket forts on the internet?

What would you want to see at a party like this?

Yes, you can come, if you live within driving distance of Columbus Ohio and I didn't weird you out at the 10th meetup.

What is some authentic posh British music?

dammitjim — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 09:04:40 -0800

What music would best be played to accompany a Pimm's Cup? I'll be serving Pimm's Cups at a work function in a few days, and one of the traditions of our little cocktail hours is to play music related to the drink being served. I understand that Pimm's Cups are associated with events like Wimbledon, polo matches, and steeplechases. So, moderately posh British events. What music is appropriate to these scenes?

Mad Men Indeed

punkfloyd — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 08:41:56 -0800

I have been watching the AMC series Mad Men (set in NYC office setting around 1960) and it made me wonder. Just how accurately does it portray the professional workplace of the period? (Ubiquitous smoking, drinking, degrading comments to women and overt flirting, etc.). In particular, was it ever considered normal to keep a stocked bar in every office/conference room? I realize things are exaggerated for TV and to contrast with today’s norms... but generally speaking was it really this bad back then? I guess I am looking for responses from those who are familiar with the TV show and worked in an office in this timeframe.

Mixological Mixtape?

doublesix — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:36:31 -0800

I'm giving a friend a copy of Everyday Drinking (an excellent book, belongs in everyone's library) for his birthday and would like to include a mixtape ... Give to me your finest songs about boozes, parties and/or hangovers! I found this thread helpful, but am looking for songs with a happier vibe. Pretty well any era, any genre.

Cheers!

How to talk to my drunk driving boyfriend

Anonymous — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 10:48:14 -0800

I just found out that my boyfriend drove drunk last night... What do I say to him? Background: We are both 25 and have been dating for a year and a half. We are doing the long-distance thing for 3 months (just started a couple weeks ago) and he has been home for a week visiting his family in L.A. I'm pretty sure both his mom and younger brother have problems with alcohol, and his dad used to be an alcoholic. My boyfriend rarely drinks with me, but has said a couple things about how much fun he has when he does drink. In general though, he is very responsible and when he does drink, he has never done anything abnormally irresponsible.

However, last night, my boyfriend ended up going out clubbing with his mom (a little weird, but whatever). I realized he was drunk after getting misspelled text messages and reports on his drinking. About an hour after the last incoherent message, I texted him to see how things were going. He said he was almost home and that he was driving because his mom wasn't sober enough to drive. I was upset, but didn't want to text him anymore because as bad as drinking and driving is, text drunk driving is even worse. I talked to him later, which confirmed that he was still drunk, but he didn't seem repentant at all... he said he got home safe, so it didn't really matter!

Obviously I plan on talking to my boyfriend more about this, but I am worried that he doesn't seem concerned about his drunk driving. I'm really upset about this, and although I'm not a fan of ultimatums, this could be a deal breaker for me. I can forgive if I know this is a one time thing, but I feel like if he doesn't see anything wrong with it now, he won't later either. I'm sure I'm not the first one to have someone close to me drive drunk, so I was wondering how other people have dealt with this.

Any suggestions for talking to him and explaining my dismay in a constructive way? I'm worried about him and his safety, as well as the possible repercussions of drunk driving.

I'm Lisa Simpson, and I'm dating Barney Gumble's best friend.

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:54:36 -0800

My boyfriend's best friend from childhood is an exact clone of Barney Gumble (from the Simpsons) in regards to drinking, but fortunately lives out of state. My boyfriend stopped drinking heavily last year, and says he's happier for it. Now "Barney" is coming to spend a week with us, and plans to move to our town/neighborhood in the fall. How do I deal with this situation, and my anxieties that my lovely boyfriend will revert to his old ways? Background: I've been dating my boyfriend for two years, we moved in together a couple months ago. When we first started going out, his tendency to get wasted every weekend (and some weeknights) made me not take the relationship, or him, very seriously. But when his two drinking buddies moved away last year, he stopped drinking all the time, saving it only for special occasions, and generally just seemed to mature a lot. Our relationship got better and better and we eventually decided to move in together.

Now I've met Barney on numerous occasions, and every time I've met him he's been drunk. When he comes to visit he and the boyfriend always pick up several cases of beer and always drink until they puke, but I let it slide because it's a reunion of sorts, and the visit never lasts more than a few days. My boyfriend himself admits that Barney probably is an alcoholic. To paint a clearer picture:Barney, when I first met him, was urinating on my fence. Then when my boyfriend wasn't looking, he put his hand up my skirt. So I don't have the best impression of this guy, and he's never done much to improve upon it. The scariest part is that I've caught my boyfriend DRIVING drunk when he was with Barney, which is a huge, huge issue for me. My boyfriend is lovely and trustworthy while sober, but makes terrible decisions while drunk-- another reason why I am so happy he hardly ever drinks these days.

Which brings me to my problem: next month Barney and his (sweet but ditzy) girlfriend are coming to our apartment to stay with us for a week. Not something I'm thrilled about, but we are the only people in this city that they know, and Barney and his girlfriend are trying to find jobs here. They plan to move to our neighborhood in the fall. Since my boyfriend is Barney's ONLY social connection here, I just know that Barney is going to be at our apartment, passed out on the couch, every other night. I work long hours and really value my quiet time, and go to bed around 10pm on weeknights. Last time Barney visited he was so loud I had to leave my boyfriend's apartment at 2am on a Wednesday and go to my own apartment to sleep (this is back when we lived separately.)

Most of all I'm worried that my boyfriend will go back to drinking all the time, since he loves Barney and it's the only way Barney knows how to have fun. I don't respect my boyfriend when he's out of control drunk, and I had hoped to never again see drinking play the role in his life that it once did. This is something I could very well see ruining our otherwise awesome relationship.

I communicated all this to my boyfriend and he got very upset, saying that he didn't stop drinking because his buddies moved away, but because he had outgrown it. (Yet in the year since then, whenever Barney shows up, he still gets wasted.) So I can't quite convince myself that he is the model of restraint he pretends to be, and that it wasn't just circumstantial that he stopped drinking because he had no one to drink with.

I feel really helpless in this situation, and have even spoken to friends about staying with them for the week that Barney's here, but I don't know what to do when he MOVES here. I don't want to be a controlling bitch, but I don't want to live with the person my boyfriend becomes when he's drinking all time. Do I say something to Barney? To Barney's girlfriend? If I lay down the law, like saying "no getting wasted in the apartment" how do I know they won't drive home drunk? Any advice would be much appreciated.

How do I avoid crashing when I go out drinking?

mealticket — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 09:30:58 -0800

How do I avoid crashing when I go out drinking? So I'm a guy in my mid 20s and naturally, this means I like to go out drinking with my friends on the weekend. Trouble is, by the time it gets to be about 1 am or so, and I've had a decent amount of drinks, I crash. I just get so tired that it's not fun to be out anymore and I have to go home. It seems like none of my friends have this problem and they can stay out until bar close and then hang out beyond. Obviously if you get too wasted, you're going to pass out, but usually, I am just sufficiently drunk, not totally wasted, if that makes sense. So, any (preferably legal) ideas on how I can extend my nights a bit more and have more fun once the p.m. turns to the a.m.? I think I have pretty normal sleeping habits (work m-f 9-5 and go to sleep around midnight usually).

Flush in the face = Give up the bottle?

Busoni — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 09:12:01 -0800

A somewhat recent NY Times article explains the connection between ALDH2 deficiency and throat cancer. Request for perspective on level of risk and appropriate response in extended. The article explains that people who become flush in the face after drinking are likely to be ALDH2-deficient, and are thus at higher risk for throat cancer.

But it is also possible for an ALDH2-deficient person to develop tolerance to the flushing effect, such that no flushing appears.

Questions:

1. If a person suspects that he or she belongs to the population just described (ALDH2-deficient with no signs of flushing), will the patch test (applying an ethanol-soaked patch to the skin for 15 minutes) described in the article be of any use? Could such a test be performed and interpreted by a non-professional at home, and if so, how?

2. Even if the risk of throat cancer is increased through drinking, is that enough cause to seriously curtail one's drinking, or even abstain altogether? What is the prevalence of throat cancer in the general population?

3. Is the risk increased significantly if the person is a former smoker (i.e. having quit)?

4. Are there any measures one might take to lower his risk, besides limiting his or her drinking?

Is this normal for cops?

fifilaru — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 14:45:51 -0800

Shouldn't the cops take this seriously? Loud parties and underage drinking. There is a house with 18-25 year-old men next door (about 5 guys). This is an upscale neighborhood, and the kids are well to do. Damn are they noisy. My husband, the Buddhist, goes over and talks to them in a kind and understanding way. It makes little impact. There are no noise ordinances where we live. A couple of days ago at 2 AM he went over to ask that they turn off the loud music, it almost turned into an altercation.

My husband is very gentle and diplomatic, but these guys do not want anyone telling them what to do. Yesterday we called the cops because of the noise (which literally rocked our house), underage drinking, and drug use. There were OVER ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE of high school age there. The cops said they could not do anything because they did not want to cause a riot and it was just kids having a party.

People in the neighborhood are afraid of making an issue. They do not want to appear intolerant. Any one have suggestions? I am especially concerned cops. In my area they have a reputation for doing too little too late. I live on Maui in Hawaii.