Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with drama

It turned cold, that's where it ends

riane — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 08:05:13 -0800

How do I stop a summer relationship from going further without destroying everything? The background:

I'm 20 years old, have always been attracted to and pursued older men, and have two weeks left of a working holiday far away from home. In my time here I met and started dating a 42-year-old man, which is fine and dandy most of the time.

When things are good, they're quite good. We've exchanged I love you's and I do really enjoy spending time with him. But when things are bad, they're bloody terrible and it seems to me that we spend more time fighting than anything.

Just this morning I asked him if he was going to work because he had five minutes to get out of bed and go, and I had to lock the door behind him, thus was wondering if I had to get up or if I could go back to sleep. It turned into him saying "You just can't get me out of here fast enough," getting huffy and leaving with a last remark of "Don't worry, you only have to deal with me for fifteen more days."

The problem:

We had a talk a few weeks ago in which I explained that I don't really do long distance relationships, because I'm bad at it and I can't make guarantees. I've spent four months away from home and feel like I'm not living my real life anymore, but when I get back to home and school and my friends, I think that maybe this relationship will reveal itself to be less important to me than I think.

He's said a few things about the future and being with me that I'm not sure how to handle because I'm leaving soon, and I don't think I want to pursue a relationship beyond what we had. In fact I got to thinking this morning, post-argument, that if this wasn't a summer thing and if I wasn't leaving in two weeks anyway, I would probably take a break from things.

How do I tell him this without sending him off on a rampage? I don't want to be mean or harsh, I just want to explain how I'm feeling.

Help?

Help! I'm being extorted/blackmailed/strong-armed by my sister in law!

adi — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 10:08:35 -0800

My wife and I asked her sister for my wife's wedding dress back. She is refusing to give it to us until we pay her for damage to her car. Full background: We all live in Chicago (Cook County). There are several different issues going on here, so I'll try to tackle the whole store in order.

Several years ago, my wife moved to NYC and let her sister (Jessica, from here on) use some of the furnature that she wasn't taking with her. It was never Jessica's to keep, and my wife made that clear. My wife had a storage space that her father was letting her use, and she sold some of her furnature (the pieces that Jessica didn't want to use). All in all, my wife let Jessica borrow about $900 in furnature.

A year and a half ago, my wife was driving Jessica's car and scratched it against another car (small scratch, no damage to other car). At the time, I said very clearly that get an estimate as soon as possible and get it to me and that I wanted to get this taken care of asap, and that we would reach an agreement that we're all happy with.

My wife and I spent six months abroad after we got married. Jessica said that she would be fine with holding onto the dress until we got back. We had a LOT of options of places to store it (my parents, my wife's parents, friends who said they would, et cetera).

Two weeks ago we called Jessica and said that because we are back in Chicago and about to move into a new apartment, we are going to need our furnature back. Jessica informed us that it was hers now, and that some of it she had bolted down in her daughter's room, and some of it she had given or thrown away when she decided she no longer needed it.

Yesterday night I called Jessica and said that I would like to schedule pickup of the dress. She told us that she wouldn't give the dress to us until we payed her for the car. She had waited a year and a half, and there is some rust now, so the estimate is a lot more than it would have been otherwise. We told her that we're happy to talk to her about the car an reach an agreement that takes everything into consideration, but not while she is holding the wedding dress hostage and using it as leverage.

Jessica is not backing down at all. Unless we capitulate with her demands, she will not give us the dress back. This isn't the first time she has used the tactic with family. We don't feel we can "reward" this behavior by giving in and paying her off to get what is undeniably OUR PROPERTY back from her.

Any advice on this situation is welcome.

Who the heck's my pop?

Anonymous — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 15:09:18 -0800

How can I determine, with access to limited biological data, if my father is not who I thought he was? I was recently shown a photograph of my mother's college boyfriend that gave me a shock: he looks uncannily like me, to the point that people shown the photo assume it is of me. My divorced mother is being cagey about the possibility that this man could be my biological father, and while approaching my potential biological father is something I'd be willing to do, I hesitate to contact him and stir up a beehive in his life if this is just a coincidence. And of course bringing this up with the man who raised me is out of the question.

So my query, to all you genetic scientists and hobbyists out there: with access to my own male DNA and that of my sister (who is almost certainly the child of my mother and the man who raised us), is it possible to determine if we have the same father? If the results of such a test existed to show that my sister and I do not share a father, I'd feel better about approaching my mom's ex-boyfriend.

If so, how would we go about testing for this without spending a fortune? Follow up questions can be sent to the anonymous address humangenome.i85@gmail.com and I will respect your anonymity, too.

Thanks for helping me sort this wackiness out!

Looking for trial scenes...

jrb223 — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 11:49:09 -0800

Looking for plays with courtroom/trial scenes. I'm trying to gather a list of plays that have 10 - 20 minute scenes featuring a courtroom, trial or similar law-related situation. Preferably in a comic vein. Background: I'm going to be directing a group of lawyers in the scene for an upcoming conference. Last year we did the trial scene from the play Sly Fox, and now I'm looking for new options. Any suggestions?

Any recent works on Elizabethan revenge tragedy?

Mr. Bad Example — Tue, 20 May 2008 13:45:37 -0800

ElizabethanDramaFilter. I'm considering doing a PhD (because apparently I'm a masochist who doesn't have quite enough student loan debt yet), and my area of emphasis is Elizabethan/Jacobean revenge tragedies. I'm trying to find a book on the comprehensive history of the form, but the most recent one I've been able to find is Fredson Bowers' Elizabethan Revenge Tragedy, 1587-1642 from around 1940. Does anyone know of something similar that was written in the last fifteen years or so?

Looking for more like Milch...

dobbs — Mon, 12 May 2008 07:54:09 -0800

Novelists or short story writers who write like David Milch (Deadwood / John From Cincinnati)? I really like John From Cincinnati and I love Deadwood. Does anyone write like this in prose form?

I'm looking for the same command of dialogue and/or conflict. Suggestions?

asian drama actress

lain — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:37:09 -0800

Does this girl look familiar? I'm wondering where she is from in THIS picture. I think she looks like she's from some Korean drama series...

Films about Mothers and Daughters

mooza — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 22:03:59 -0800

Mothers and daughters and the films about them - can you name some? I'm trying to come up with a list of films that deal with motherhood, mothers and daughters, conflict and reconciliation and what have you. Specifically I'm after films about older mothers and grown up daughters, not stuff like Stepmom or Freaky Friday. Can you help?

Wanted: one scene from a play

thoughtless — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 07:01:40 -0800

On behalf of a friend: looking for a single scene from a play that would work well as a standalone piece, for a drama class showcase. This question is on behalf of a friend and I don't have access to much info, sorry. And I know pretty much nothing about drama. All I have is:

- as part of an end-of-year showcase, she needs to locate a short piece to perform, to show off newly-acquired skills
- a single scene from a play has been suggested as the way forward
- the single scene should stand alone, and make sense outside the context of the play
- it can't have extravagant set or cast requirements
- a small number (3?) of equally-sized parts would be ideal
- the actors' experience will on the whole be one year of evening drama classes (not sure if this is relevant)

So, any ideas? Thankyou!

How do they make them shows on the teevee?

M.C. Lo-Carb! — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:39:10 -0800

How are serial television dramas, like "Deadwood," written? I'd like to know about the mechanics behind television shows that run for several seasons, and have involving, complicated plots and complex characters. The kinds you kind of have to watch from the beginning to really enjoy or understand what is going on. Other examples I'm thinking of would be "The Sopranos," "Weeds," "The Wire," etc.

Are entire seasons, or even entire series outlined in the very beginning so writers know what each character's arc will be? Does a team of writers write each episode, or is it one writer per episode? In a show like "Deadwood," for instance, how is the stilted, inferring language kept consistent from episode to episode if there are different writers?

Blogs or "HowStuffWorks"-style articles or other references would be great. I've read Jane Espensen's blog.

Hi, I'm a textbook co-dependent, nice to meetcha!

Anonymous — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 15:56:31 -0800

Help me grow a spine, stop being a drama queen, and get control of my life again. I am in therapy, just to get that out of the way first. Unfortunately, I haven't had an appointment due to the holidays in almost a month and won't for a while, and I am hoping just to get some head-on-straight advice from all of you smarties here.

I went through a painful break up in June, 2007, ending a 10 year relationship. I got into that safe but ultimately suffocating relationship because my abandonment issues were too much for me to take on my own. I finally found the strength to end it last year, and have been staring into the void of all of this psychic pain that I never dealt with - neglectful, abusive parents, crippling loneliness and the lack of a family system, blah blah blah.

I am successful in my career; I work in a largely male dominated industry. I started a new job almost a year ago now, and there are virtually no women at the company. I have made new female friends, but I have very little in the way of a support system nearby. This is particularly difficult to me because I am a walking daddy issue with feet - I am very vulnerable to men because of my abandonment issues with my father.

After a work related function, I got severely sexually harassed by one of my subordinates. I had too much to drink and was unable to drive home, he had too much to drink as well, and he put the moves on me in a very disrespectful way, trying over and over again to kiss me despite my repeated "nos". At first I was embarrassed for him, after a while I got scared, and wound up hiding in the bathroom and calling a guy that I've been dating for 3 months to get "rescued".

The guy I've been dating had been great, but we are not exclusive, for myriad reasons, both of us being in a place where we're filling a void for eachother but are unable or unwilling to take it too much farther than we've taken it, but I was having a meltdown and he was who I decided to call.

He of course was furious and wanted me to get my subordinate fired. I felt uncomfortable with that, mostly because I was drunk at work and feel that I should have been more in control of the situation, and also because I have big emotional issues right now stemming from my current situation and the abuse in my past (including an abusive relationship), it's difficult for me to tell whether or not I overreacted to the situation or not. I don't want to get anybody fired because I am a little bit crazy and dramatic right now.

Last night, the guy I've been seeing and I had a terrible, drunken shouting match. All of this is pretty abnormal for me, at least it had been for the last 10 years, when I got myself some sanity. The big dramatic breakdown between me and new dude reminded me very much of the dysfunctional drama that I experienced when I was out on my own and a mess, before I hid in an unsatisfying relationship for a decade.

During this big dramatic fight, he gave me an ultimatum - to get my subordinate fired or he was going to never speak to me again. I know, I know, way to make an already fucked up situation even worse.

Ok, well, now that you have the (embarrassing, hence the anonymous-ness) backstory, here are some things I would love to get advice on:

1.) I know that I need to break up with 3 months dude. The fact that we had an argument like that, that he said the things he said, and that he would exploit something that is already very difficult for me, is a giant red flag -- nevermind the fact that we're not even exclusive and even if he wasn't a leetle bit crazy, I don't know that I'd want to be. Still, my feelings for him are pretty strong, and I know that I have to end this - I just genuinely don't know how. I don't know where I'm going to find the strength to not cave if and when he calls to apologize, which I am almost certain he will do.

2.) I really, really do not want to get my coworker fired. However, I am so stressed out about returning to work and having to deal with him. Now, not only is he the guy that harassed me, disrespected me and scared me enough to literally send me into an emotional tailspin (even though I understand my own part in it), the situation has manifested itself to have destroyed one of the few relationships that I was very much enjoying. I know that this relationship was headed for the rocks anyway, and that I can't blame this guy for it, but I will always see it, I do not know how to get past this and work with this man again. I know that it's on me to do so.

3.) I am in therapy and I call my friends and talk about this kind of stuff from time to time, but it is so, incredibly, terribly embarrassing. I have always been the rock for my friends and family; I can't stand being this dramatic and over the top. I don't even want to tell anybody about this because it's so humiliating. That being said, I know that's how I got myself into the terribly abusive relationship I was in in my youth (before I entered into my 10 year, significant relationship, which was a lot of things that weren't great, but was never, ever abusive) -- by isolating myself. I can't stop feeling like I am doomed to be a loony drama queen, despite all of my logical understanding of the situation, my behavior is driven from an emotional place. I feel like telling myself to stop freaking out is like trying to tell myself to stop feeling hungry or tired.

I know that I got out of this place before, but I did it by taking myself out of the game. I threw up walls everywhere, I stopped living for myself, and I gave up on my dreams in order to feel safe and loved. Now that I'm trying to strike out on my own, I feel crazy and dramatic and out of control. If you have been through this, how did you do it, while maintaining your sense of self? I keep telling myself, it's not too late for me, I can keep my job, I can keep my sense of self, I can do what I want to do, and I can do it on my own -- but obviously I'm not doing the best job of it right now. Obviously the drinking has to go. That's really the first and only step I've got on my list right now.

Words of comfort and advice would be very much appreciated. Or even words of "Stop being a drama queen you lunatic."

Unperformable plays?

electric water kettle — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 22:00:48 -0800

What well-known (or lesser-known) plays are written intentionally so as to be unperformable -- only readable as scripts? I'm thinking stage directions along the lines of pulls out a handgun and fires at random into the audience, or that instruct the actors to walk on the ceiling, or specification in the dramatis personae that goats are to be cast in speaking parts. Who's employed this device to the greatest artistic effect?

I screwed up; how to minimize the family drama at Christmas?

Anonymous — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 13:18:34 -0800

I missed my two brothers-in-laws' birthdays, and one of my sisters is mad at me. I'll see everyone at Christmas. Help me make things right and prevent family drama. My sisters have been with their husbands for ~10 years. Most of that time I was poor and single and living far away, so I wasn't expected to get anything for their husbands birthdays, and I'd usually only get my sisters a card for their birthdays. The older sister always remembers my birthday, but the younger one rarely does. I am not hurt at all by the forgetfulness of the younger sister; that's just how she is. I'm really not very close to either of them, but of the two, I'm closer to the older one.

I've been with my boyfriend for a few years, and the older sister has gotten him something for his birthday each year since we became seriously involved. The younger one forgets his birthday as well as mine, but we've all exchanged Christmas gifts. This year, I forgot the older sister's husband's birthday, which is 2 weeks before mine. Apparently the younger sister also forgot his birthday. Everyone was supposed to come to our parents' house for dinner to celebrate my birthday, but older sister refused because we hadn't acknowledged the husband's birthday. They did send a gift. This was ~6 weeks ago. I am so afraid of confrontation that I've since failed to acknowledge 1) his birthday and 2) their gift to me. She indicated in a passive aggressive email to all of us that she is still upset. I don't know if her husband is actually upset or if she is fueling all of this.

I've also missed the other sister's husband's birthday, ~2 weeks ago. I doubt anyone is upset about this since we don't talk much to begin with, but it wouldn't surprise me if the older sister was upset that I forgot another family birthday. I have the reputation of being somewhat self-centered, which is not the case really - I'm just awkward and forgetful and not naturally a warm, fuzzy person. I live a very different lifestyle than they do and I think she perceives it as arrogance (but I never, ever put down their tastes).

Anyway, I am wondering what to do. Should I give the guys double gifts at Christmas time and tell them that one is for their birthday, and I'm sorry I missed it? Should I talk to the upset sister alone, since she is likely the only one really bothered by this?

How do I deal with a sociopath?

Anonymous — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:34:53 -0800

How do I deal with a sociopath that is connected to my social circle? Someone in my social circle is clearly a sociopath. She has no concern or remorse for anyone except herself. She manipulates needy, weak, and mentally ill people into doing her bidding, performing for her, and so on. She takes special pleasure into turning these people into selfish, mean, and self-destructive individuals because unhappy alienated people are the easiest to manipulate and, to her, the most fun to watch.

She has successfully turned people against one another- and especially myself because I can see through her. How do I save my remaining friends who only see glimpses of her behavior, and therefore can't call her on it? She preys on the fact that the average person will do nothing in the face of unreasonable behavior. She is especially canny in the use of online communication. She is not only quite detailed in her cyberstalking, but she has fun convincing others that this is an acceptable way to deal with problems. It makes enjoying 21st century life very difficult!

Myself and a few others would have no problem cutting her out of our lives, but she remains an acquaintance of others close to us who only regard her behavior as eccentric. She always attends social functions, uninvited, and people complain after she's gone, yet do nothing. There are also people who see through her but they don't see how she has actually changed other friends who have become these shells. Having her connected to me, even tangentially, makes my life a paranoid nightmare! My personal attempts to talk sense into my, once, close friends don't succeed because they are in denial. They think she's fun because she lets them indulge in their childish behavior. As for those she directly influences, they are too proud to admit that they are being manipulated. What can I possibly do? (My friends and I are all in our mid-late 20's-yes, that is too old for this behavior!)

Help me help my dramatic sister.

Anonymous — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 06:58:49 -0800

How to help a person known for high drama... (long) My half-sister was put up for adoption ten years before I was born and had very bad experiences with her adoptive parents. We met in person when she came to say with the family, including the mother we share. She brought her boyfriend and her two kids, and it was fun, but I never really got to know her in depth as they were all clingy with each other. We've also talked on the phone occasionally, for very long yack sessions. She talked about her experiences, but she was understandably guarded, and I still don't feel like I really know her well. We're related, and I love her, but the fact is we've lived separate lives, and I have to treat the situation pragmatically, realizing I don't know very much about the range of her personality.

She, her kids, and her boyfriend live in a crap part of town in the Midwest. Every time we hear from her, some intense drama dominates the conversation: custody battles between they and her boyfriend's ex-wife, who they're saying is a drug-addict, over his kids; extending all the way to epic battles between they and the corrupt state itself. Her boyfriend ends up in jail because of corrupt cops, or there's some person she never met that needs help of some kind. I think, because she spent time lost in the cracks of the system, she looks for things to fix (including her boyfriend), but she can't, and she just gets mired in the whole thing. I think she's sincere, but honestly it's all hearsay for me.

On top of all this, she's ill, and it's intensified by something in the area -- either some environmental factor, or just the stress of the place itself. She tells me she spent some time on the West coast and it helped her immensely; that symptoms of her illness had decreased substantially. When her symptoms are showing, she's unable to work, and barely makes it on disability.

From what I saw, she and her kids had a sweet relationship, but they're teens now and rebelling; living with their dads of late, or staying with friends. As you'd expect, there's more drama: Her boyfriend just got arrested for robbing a fucking bank. I'd say it's totally bizarre and out of character, but the reality is I don't know a whole lot about them to begin with.

So she's alone in her rented house, kids away, boyfriend in jail, and she's looking to us for support. She apparently talked about suicide at some point, which is scary, and she also dropped hints she'd like to come stay with us. I want to help her, but I'm afraid the decisions that got her into this situation won't stop if we just take her in. My hope is that with a better, less moldy climate, and away from the influence of all the low-lifes in her hometown, she'll find a more independent way to live, and stop leaning on strange people and seeking out horrible dramatic crises.

Her connection on the West coast is apparently unable to help her, and I don't know whether she has any other out of state options. I hope I'm not making the wrong choice in my reluctance to simply take her in, but my desire here is to find some compromise that can help her, without simply enabling her and inviting all the crazy elements she attracts, because, frankly, we've got plenty of problems of our own.

Am I an evil asshole? How can I help her?

What are some famous stories that don't have a proper ending?

lunchbox — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 17:00:13 -0800

What are some famous stories that don't have a proper ending, like the series finale of the Sopranos? Can anyone think of well-known stories (novels, poems, movies, plays, etc.) in which many loose ends are left untied, even though no sequel is planned? I Googled around, and this term seems to be called "narrative closure" (but I couldn't find many good articles on it as a technique). Is there any consensus among movie/literature critics on when this is technique generally works or doesn't work?

i'm going to jail (for 2 hours).

twistofrhyme — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 16:04:27 -0800

what fun, performance-related activities would you teach in a high-security prison? i have a background teaching & working with under-served youth, mostly in the field of drama / performance. next week, i am leading 2 guest workshops in a high-security british prison. the content can be whatever i want- communication, improv, acting, group dynamics, whatever. it should have some performance component, and it should be fun and playful.

i'm allowed to use audiovisuals (although i'm not sure what i'd use, nor how compatible my DVDs would be) and handouts (although at least 50% of the inmates can't read).

i will have 2 groups of 20 inmates for 2 hours each.
group 1 are "vulnerable inmates" facing threats from the mainstream prison population. apparently they like this kind of guest speaker session a lot and tend to be engaged & participatory.
group 2 are the mainstream population, who tend to also be pretty open to this kind of stuff but are a bit more rowdy and disruptive.

i thought i'd like to do stuff involving improv, acting, self-expression, comedy, or performance.

i want the inmates to have fun, feel that i like & respect them, and feel safe with each other in the workshop. i want them to all feel talented & successful at the end, and maybe get to practice some kind of communication skill that they can apply to their daily life or get some sort of self-esteem boost from (like "hey, i didn't know people thought i was funny!" kind of feelings). and i want them to be able to laugh good-naturedly at each other in a way that won't exacerbate any tensions that may exist within the group. i worry that i'm overthinking things a bit, but that's how i feel. frankly, i'm a little nervous- i'm a young, innocent-looking canadian woman, i speak in a kind of nerdy overenthusiastic cadence which usually makes "tough" people tease me (good-naturedly, and it doesn't hurt my feelings, but i don't want to come off as some nice, clueless suburban girl who thinks she can teach MEANINGFUL LIFE SKILLS or whatever- even if that's kind of what i am), and i'm not particularly street smart, especially compared to prison inmates.

i like the idea of them doing performance stuff, typical improv games like clap-focus, freeze/switch, hotseat, and those games where 2 people tell a story simeltaneously or one-word-at-a-time. simple open scenes, maybe, make-a-story, genre opera, etc. but i don't wanna limit my options to just improv, i feel like there may be other activities that will work well in this context.

in short, my questions are:
1. what kind of performance, expressive, or group dynamics stuff would you teach in this situation?
2. is there any meta-advice you can give me, about what to expect, or how to think about my position in this situation, that will help me relate well to the group?

any advice would be so helpful- thanks in advance!

A sad coming-out story

grrarrgh00 — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 21:22:38 -0800

I'm dealing with the fallout from coming out to my deeply religious immediate family. For years, I had prepared for their tears, their anger, their remonstrances, their appeals to the Bible, and all of those have come. What I hadn't prepared for was how disappointed I would be, and how fundamental and lonely that disappointment would be. Help? All my life, the person I've considered myself closest to was my older sister. I love her dearly, and I've always held her up on a pedestal as a rational, incredibly decent, and most deeply generous person. A little under a decade ago, when I first realized I was gay, and that it wasn't a phase, I knew my sister would be the family member I'd come out to first, because even though I knew she'd have some trouble with it, I also knew she'd understand and assuage my fears in a way no one else would or could. If I could depend on no one else in life, I could depend on my sister.

I've been living on my own for almost a decade, in a different state than any of my family members. I've been out at work and to friends for 6 years. After years of prelude, I formally came out to my sister at the beginning of this year, as best as I knew how. Our first conversation about it made me grimace and chuckle a little bit -- she said everything the textbooks tell you not to say when someone comes out to you -- "Were you abused as a child?" "And you're sure it's not a phase?" But she assured me she loved me, and was, on some level, OK with it, and understood I couldn't be the person I was if I wasn't the person I am.

In the ensuing months, though, our conversations became a touch more difficult. She started telling me in every phone call that she was praying for me, asking me to open my heart to God, pointing out the standard passages in Leviticus and so forth. I was taken aback, because although my sister has always been religious, she's never been a fundamentalist. But I assured her of my own time spent studying the Bible, reconciling my sexuality with my faith, and walked her through the numerous doctrinal interpretations challenging the fundamentalist position on homosexuality. (I attended Christian schools all my life; I've read the Bible basically cover to cover, and I've done a lot of intense Bible study to help inform my own faith.) I was trying to engage her at her level, although I was astounded that she'd brought it there. Leviticus, really? My sister?

Tonight was the last straw. My year of finally coming out to my family climaxed in what was more-or-less a coming-out conversation with my uber-religious mother. (A wonderful person, who commands much of my love and admiration and respect, but whom I will probably never describe as thoroughly rational.) It was tough, but I've been steeling myself for that for years. My mom is probably still wailing and screaming and asking what she did to deserve this. I don't know how long it will be before we speak again, but again, that I was prepared for.

But the giant blow was the conversation with my sister that followed, which included every distorted Biblical canard a fundie ever threw at a fag. (OK, she left out the Adam-n-Eve-not-Adam-n-Steve quip.) We each remained as civil as we could, but "civility" is a term I'd hate to ever use to describe an interaction with my dear, dear sister.

What I'm left with is my disbelief and disappointment that this was my sister. My decent, rational, generous, cherished sister, clinging to such uncharitable, irrational, bileful dogma in the face of all reason and loyalty and love. Something fundamental has soured in our relationship, even if things get better between us. It feels as though the person whose love and support I have always counted on in life is a different person entirely, and the loneliness and disappointment in that is just wrenching.

Give me some perspective. Point me to an essay, or a speech, or a book, or a song, or something. Lay down your words of wisdom. This was long, but I had to get it off my chest.

Help a film editor find work in the UK or USA

mooza — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 13:12:02 -0800

I want to find work as a film editor in the UK. Would it be better to find a permanent job, or freelance? Would I need an agent? If so, do you have any recommendations? I'm Australian, I've been editing for a few years, and I've cut a few tv dramas and series. Ultimately I want to cut dramas in the UK, in TV, and if I'm lucky, in features. How is it done over there? Would I knock on the door of the BBC, or go to independent production companies, or go to the post production houses?

I'm grateful for any advice on where to start. Any specific places I should go to would be great as well.

IN FACT! If you have any advice on how to do all of the above in the USA as well, that would be a godsend. I thought I would have way less visa trouble with England and would start there but ultimately want to end up in the states. Are there any Aussie expats working the USA in this area of the industry who can share their stories on how they made it, that doesn't involve marrying as American?

Controversial art

arcticwoman — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 12:55:00 -0800

What are some examples of boundary breaking art in the 20th and 21st centuries? Has there been any art that caused riots, made huge headlines, caused masses to reevaluate their lives and societies? For the purposes of this question I would like to define art in the broadest possible way.

Help finding a song from Victorian days

bovious — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 05:52:29 -0800

Is there a real song with this lyric? "Where and how shall I earliest meet her? What are the words that she'll first say to me?" I'm directing a production of Charley's Aunt and one of the characters sings this little bit of a song.

I'd like to be able to have the actor (me!) perform the lyric in the actual tune it was written in, and also incorporate the complete song into another part of the production.

It sounds like a sentimental song from the Victorian age, and of course that's exactly what I'd expect from "Charley's Aunt."

I've looked in several books of English song but no joy yet. Any experts on sentimental Victorian ballads about?

Good high school plays?

HeroZero — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 18:26:35 -0800

What plays did you love performing when you were in your high school drama club? I'm a high school drama teacher in Chicago, feverishly looking for good material and suffering from "reader's block." We put up Moliere's Tartuffe last year, which was a great experience for the kids. This year, though, we'd love to do something more modern. We'd ideally like to do a play with a cast of approximately 12, and a length of somewhere between 1 and 2 hours. No musicals.

And yes, I've looked at this thread: http://ask.metafilter.com/32178/One-Act-Play

Thanks!

Misfortune of a fortunate job?

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 22:16:50 -0800

Help analyze my terrible work situation! I REALLY apologize for such a lengthy question, but it has been developing over some time now and I finally gave in to ask the great collective knowledge here..

I got a job in a department located in a fast-developing portion of my university's campus roughly a year ago. The position I was accepted for is basically a building IT guy-- fix computers, run cable, respond to general tech emergencies-- but I also was responsible for some general graphic design and print work. I work under a supervisor, manager, senior IT manager, event coordinator and a building coordinator.

So initially (up to 4 months) the job was great. I had great equipment to work on, the assignments I was given were right at my skill level, I had a great coworker who was hired at the same time as me, and there was just a nice collaborative vibe in the office. On random occasion when working with my higher ups, I'd be told that I could have a chance at a full time position after graduating, which encouraged me to really put 110% into my job.

So I'm working my butt off to please everyone in the office, doing random things like designing vibrant brochures to advertise our building, picking up the trash after large events, helping move furniture and boxes around, and I start to get a knack for graphic design. At some point one of my flyer designs catches the eye of people in other buildings who frequent the one I’m in. As a result, the event coordinator starts getting more requests to hold events in the building, and naturally I am asked to produce graphic media for nearly every event that is booked. So I did—and I was unstoppable because years of NOT doing this sort of work had built up a pile of creative ideas in my brain that would flood out into Adobe Illustrator. Did I mention I was still doing every other task the other higher ups assigned to me? How about cleaning up a room after an autoclave explodes?

Around this time I am at home one evening when I receive a call from my manager who had consulted with the building coordinator about offering me a full time position. I kindly declined because my first priority is school (I wouldn’t even be in this situation if it wasn’t). So life went on, and things kept going at a fast pace, until one day there’s a big announcement that most of the full time employees in the office are moving to another building as part of a multi-phase plan to create a central management point for the entire area of the campus where I work. Oddly enough, I’m told that I am also going to move and be given my own cubicle and filing cabinets and all things great about office jobs—keep in mind that I’m just a student employee who had been sharing a desk with a coworker.

Since I’ll be moving and the building still needs tech support, a new guy is hired who I will refer to as BG. The thing about BG is that he’s really eccentric, introverted, and he sorta smells like body odor, but I don’t worry because I’ll be moving to a new office in a week or two (or three or four). Well, the day before the official move was supposed to happen, the building coordinator announces that plans have changed and nobody is moving anywhere, but we’re still going to manage the surrounding area as well as the current building using all the current staff but the same office space (remember I was sharing a desk?). And this is where the trouble starts…

Since me and my coworker from the beginning are pretty cozy with each other, I figure that BG will be let go since he was hired on the assumption that he’d have an actual place to work when most people left. Nope. Turns out my boss has some policy where she considers student employees to be on a contract so the only time they’re let go is at the end of a term. At this point in time I’m bummed about not getting my own work area, but the office vibe is still good and I want to be welcoming to the new guy. I offer to share my machine with him since our shifts bump up against each other… possibly the worst idea I could have ever had. BG turns out to be incredibly messy and disorganized, and he apparently thinks its okay to leave pirated games, movies, and music on my work machine. I bring it to the attention of my supervisor who ends up not doing anything, so I tell the senior IT manager who doesn’t do anything, and then I tell the building coordinator who doesn’t do anything but tells my supervisor to do something, but he doesn’t do anything. I finally take it upon myself to pull BG into a private conference to tell him to not leave a mess and to not put “that” stuff on my machine.

Because we are the tech support guys, we occasionally get spare machines that aren’t new but still are fully functional, and BG gets one so that he can finally have his own computer to use. The machine isn’t working, so BG attempts to get it working, but fails and decides to leave it alone and just use the other guy’s machine. About a week later, the senior IT manager comes in asking if he can have my computer for a project he’s working on and offers to buy me a brand spanking new computer. I gladly oblige and get to configuring it the way I like, and my supervisor ends up ordering another one just like it for us to use. The computers come in after a few days and I’m giddy because I feel like I really earned mine and I could use the extra GHz/RAM for when I do graphic design. I begin to unpack mine when BG jumps out of his chair and begins unpacking the other box while mentioning “alright it’ll be great to not have to use this piece of crap anymore (referring to the spare machine that came in)”. I have an issue with this, but I’ll skip to the next chapter of the story and let you figure out what my problem is.

In my best efforts to remain professional in my behavior at work, I just deal with the fact that BG is probably staying around. I try talking to him to get some goodwill going, but he only gives quick responses to questions and never initiates conversation (he still hasn’t to this day). I continue on as the graphic design guy, doing whatever I need to so I can keep up the 110% effort, and things are going well. Somewhere around this time the senior IT manager and the building coordinator decided they’d do something for me and nominate me for an award, but they didn’t consult with me at ALL and failed to tell me that the nomination committee would be checking my GPA. I wasn’t exactly thrilled when I got a letter in the mail saying I failed to receive an award that I wasn’t aware of, and that my current GPA didn’t meet the requirements for said award that I was unaware of. Ever relapse into clinical depression? Not fun.

So forward on a month or two later and I get an offer to be sent off to a training seminar along with the event coordinator and my supervisor (not all at the same time). I get hyped up about going and book my flight and hotel and wait until the day to arrive. Well a few weeks before I’m supposed to go, I’m pulled aside by the senior IT manager who is relaying a message from the building coordinator that maybe I need to not go to training yet (I had gradually started burning out on graphic design and the BG situation wasn’t helping either, so I was still civil and sociable, but I was in a “bad week” mood). I had no choice but to cancel my trip and hotel and try to get myself back on track, although I’m not sure I was ever off?

Well, I hope I’m not alone in saying it doesn’t make me want to be a superstar employee when I keep receiving offers for really great opportunities, only to have them snatched back a few weeks later for no concrete reasons. Currently, I’ve just been working on some low-key work doing SQL and website development, and some occasional graphic design on the side. I feel fed up with my higher ups who I originally thought were great people, but now work feels like drama. I guess the popular thing as of late has been to treat me like an imbecile and ignore me whenever possible. (I honestly have NO idea why they’re doing this to me)

I suppose the good thing is that I picked up a lot of experience that I have been using to apply to other jobs at the university. Unfortunately, some of these jobs pay at a lower rate and offer less hours (the nice thing about my current work is that the pay is pretty well for part time and I can work up to part time max hours).

So my big question is, should I stay at my current job where I’m making decent pay and have top-of-the-line equipment to work on but have to deal with a stinky, eccentric coworker, unfaithful bosses, and more drama than daytime network television, or take on a new job where I could get a pay cut and less hours, but have a chance to start over in my work ethic when it comes to working at a university and hopefully know where to draw the line so I can stay as neutral as possible until I graduate school (not to mention it would be nice to get away from the people I work with now and [this is just horrible], but I think it would be really fun if they ended up trying to talk me into staying).

Also, any sort of analysis and criticism against me is appreciated. If I’m just acting like a jackass, then I need to know.

I'm trying to react to this appropriately...

infinityjinx — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 09:56:01 -0800

A friend bitched me out about a minor fight I had with my boyfriend. Was she out of line, and how do I reconcile the bad feelings I still have about it? Here is the backstory: 2 weekends ago my live-in boyfriend and I had a tiff, so we decided to give each other some space and do our own thing that night. He went to his long-time friends' (a couple) house, people whom I have become close to as well since we started dating 6+ months ago. I suspected that he would tell them we had a fight, and while I prefer our private life stay private, I completely understand that he needed to let off a little steam. He came back the next day, we made up, and everything was gravy between us.

Fast forward to this past weekend. We all went on a camping trip together. Not 5 minutes after my boyfriend and I arrived and met up with the other couple, she (drunk, and in front of several people) yelled at me for hurting my boyfriend. It was a pretty severe scolding and she was very much talking down to me. She explicitly told me that *I* owed *her* an explanation as to why he was upset with me, as well as an apology to her for hurting him! While on the one hand I admire her for being such a dedicated friend to my s.o., overall I think she was completely out of line in her delivery, and that if she absolutely needed to have a word with me about it, she could have been a lot more discrete. However, I really don't think it was any of her business in the first place and that she shouldn't have brought it up at all, and that the only thing it did was now cause a rift between her and I.

My boyfriend and her boyfriend both thought she was out of line as well, and my bf assured her that he wasn't upset anymore over what happened and that we had made up with no problems and she really doesn't need to be concerned. I trust that my bf didn't badmouth me excessively, and I do believe that she was just blowing things out of proportion and butting in where she shouldn't have. I know that when my friends complain to me about their s.o's I take it with a grain of salt and I've never felt like it was my business to confront anyone.

The rest of the camping trip was just 'off' for me after that..dare I say it was kind of ruined. =/ I feel awkward around her now even though before I thought we were developing a close friendship.

So I guess my questions are: do you think she was out of line, or do friends get involved like that in other friends' relationships? If she were anyone else, I would probably just forget about her entirely but my boyfriend would much prefer if we could all get along. How can I squash this so we can all become chums again, especially if I'm not sure I even want to? Am I overreacting? Should I contact her and try to smooth things out, or just let it go and pretend it never happened? Any advice appreciated.

It's not me, it's you??

Anonymous — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 22:25:24 -0800

Friendshipfilter: How do I end it? I have this non-romantic friend that I considered to be pretty close. We have been friends for years. The last couple of years have been tough for our friendship. We're no longer living in the same area and communicate via email and phone.

The last year and a half, I find myself frequently apologizing (profusely) or explaining myself to her. Why? Usually because she misunderstood something I said/did. It seems like she's making mountains out of molehills but maybe I'm doing something that is easily misunderstood?? Here is an example: We were having a conversation on the phone (I only have a cell phone) and had a bad connection. The call got dropped and while I called her back immediately, she refused to answer that call and any other calls from me for weeks. During this time, she composed a long email to me tell me how awful I am for hanging up on her and cc'ed it to a couple of mutual friends.

I understand that maybe there is something going on for her to react so strongly and frequently, but I'm getting nothing by probing her for answers. I've just been trying to be here for her for the last year and a half. But she's consistently become more volatile and somewhat emotionally unstable. And I don't know what to do. I know this seems so selfish, but I don't think I want to be friends anymore. I don't feel strong enough emotionally to be her friend.

How do I tell her? I'm afraid of her. I'd ideally like to do this in person. Is that a bad idea? Seems better than an email.

Am I wrong? I'm a bad friend, aren't I? I just want us all to be happier. Seems like not talking makes it so. Thanks for your help.