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And then he pulls out... the domestic violence card...?

Last night, during a fight, my boyfriend accused me of trying to justify domestic violence against him. I feel a bit sick to my stomach, and don't know where to go from here. [more inside]
posted by Ocellar on Jul 9, 2014 - 67 answers

Looking For A Study on Abusers and When They Show Their True Colors

I read a study online somewhere that physically abusive men on average wait three years before escalating to physical violence. Does anyone know the study, and can you give me a link? [more inside]
posted by magstheaxe on Jul 6, 2014 - 1 answer

This Victim Wants To Adopt

Do I need to disclose the fact that I was a victim of domestic violence five years ago in my home study/international adoption application? If I don't, is there any way they could find out about it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 5, 2014 - 22 answers

Need to find information regarding homicides perpetrated in 2013

Please help me find information regarding homicides perpetrated in 2013, either nationally or at the state level. I am compiling information on LGBTQ victims of intimate partner violence related homicides, and I need to find all of these types of homicides that occurred in 2013. Websites listing all homicides are definitely also welcome in addition to intimate partner/domestic violence related homicide websites. These two sites are examples of what I need: North Carolina and Washington.
posted by Four-Eyed Girl on Jun 23, 2014 - 5 answers

Resources for abuse/DV in the Netherlands?

What are some good helplines and other resources for women in abusive relationships in the Netherlands? [more inside]
posted by pahalial on May 21, 2014 - 5 answers

They Like Ike?

What are some examples of rappers comparing their skills to Ike Turner's domestic violence? [more inside]
posted by Parasite Unseen on May 5, 2014 - 7 answers

Poems about violence against women and girls

I'm looking for poems which are (broadly) related to violence against women and girls - and am drawing a blank. Does anyone have any recommendations? [more inside]
posted by the cat's pyjamas on Feb 12, 2014 - 24 answers

How can I try to approach this (battered) woman?

Yesterday I came back for holidays to the small town where I grew up. At my sister's home, she introduced me to a nice young woman (let's call her Mary) who lives next door from my sister. From my weekly phone calls to my sister, I knew that Mary and my sister had become quite close over the last couple of months. Mary seems to be a helpful and considerate person. On meeting personally yesterday, I found her attractive too. I knew she was living with the father of her two young children, so I had ruled out any attempts to get to know her. However, last night during dinner with my family, I learned from my sister and mother that a couple of weeks ago Mary had had her partner arrested on charges of domestic violence. I also learned that there was a history of incidents of spousal violence involving the couple, and that the man had since his release from prison been living in a different flat next to Mary and their children. According to my sister, Mary is planning to terminate the relationship soon. [more inside]
posted by kayrosianian on Dec 21, 2013 - 49 answers

My ex-girlfriend assaulted me. Now what?

My ex-girlfriend assaulted me, damaged my property, and kicked in a door to a public establishment where I was hiding from her. What's going to happen now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 27, 2013 - 20 answers

How do I help a battered friend out?

I have a younger friend, not very close, that was beaten up badly by her boyfriend. He went to jail on existing warrants and just got out. She hasn't answered his phone calls and has been walking past her restaurant with a friend, looking in as he does. She wants to come over until she finds a friend to stay with for tonight, since I live close by. She's young and I think has had bad incidences with the police before and won't talk to them. I want to help her, but she's not that close at all and more of a friend of a friend. I'd like to extradite myself from the situation as much as possible while still doing the right thing. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by geoff. on Nov 14, 2013 - 12 answers

Books on stopping domestic violence....for abusers or potential abusers?

I know there are a lot of great books out there for survivors of domestic violence. Are there any good books out there for survivors who end up abusive themselves, but would not like to be? In particular, I'm thinking adult children of domestic violence, who because they witnessed awful stuff growing up, think that anything not-that-awful is okay. [more inside]
posted by corb on Oct 6, 2013 - 4 answers

How can I make my father's visits less frequent (and less excruciating)?

Background: My father (64) left home when I and my two siblings were teenagers (back in 1999). That came after a very turbulent period in his life which included substance abuse, bipolar disorder, violence (mostly psychological) against my mother, siblings and me, extramarital affairs, reluctance to contribute any money to his children's sustenance, losing his job as a moderately succesful university researcher, compulsive overspending, heavy indebtedness, systematic lying and an unspecified number of episodes of sexual molestation against my sister. After around four years of that chaos, my mother and father finally split up and he left with his mistress to live abroad. A few years later he came back by himself and started trying to reestablish links with his children and former wife. [more inside]
posted by Basque13 on Sep 4, 2013 - 13 answers

Should I warn my abusive ex's new girlfriend?

As I was reading this question today, I was reminded of my horribly abusive ex-boyfriend, and googled him as I will do every once in a while. (I left him 11 years ago, so it's maybe once or twice a year these days.) Usually I never find anything, but today I found his unblocked Facebook profile, where I quickly found out that he has a live-in girlfriend - and they have a young child together. I've been sick thinking about this, since he did many things while we were together that make me believe he's not a safe person to be around a child. [more inside]
posted by Neely O'Hara on Aug 7, 2013 - 46 answers

Written Testimonial in Restraining Order Case - What does it Need?

I have been asked to provide a testimonial of character to be used in a restraining order case. What sort of things are looked for in these? And are they even taken seriously, or should I consider personally appearing instead or appearing through skype? [more inside]
posted by corb on Aug 1, 2013 - 8 answers

Need support for emotional aftermath of leaving an abusive relationship

About a month ago, I left a partner who had rapidly escalated into severe verbal abuse with me. We were together for a couple years but only lived together for three months. He has mental health issues and is treatment-resistant and talks about suicide, and I am worried about him. We are no contact at present, but he's on my mind almost 24-7. I'm wavering that I did the right thing by leaving, even though I felt endangered. I need to be bombarded with support from all sides to counteract his brainwashing and help me know I did the right thing and I really will be happier one day. I know Metafilter is especially good at this so I am turning to you for help. [more inside]
posted by Rainflower on Jul 10, 2013 - 35 answers

Are trespassing charges worth the hassle?

Help us decide if girlfriend and I should press trespassing charges against girlfriend's father, and how to do it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 13, 2013 - 9 answers

domestic violence resources in Bangkok

asking for a friend: do you have contact information for domestic violence shelters/hotlines/resources in Bangkok Thailand. Preferably in Thai, but can also be in English. [more inside]
posted by cupcake1337 on Apr 25, 2013 - 3 answers

Looking for a person to talk about domestic violence

I am looking for someone who has expertise or personal experience with domestic violence. This person should be comfortable with public speaking. Possibly a survivor of domestic abuse either as a victim or a child witness. There are many organizations who deal with education/resources for victims or potential victims. I am looking for someone who includes potential abusERS in their ideal audience and talks about how to recognize controlling behavior in oneself, how to avoid becoming an abuser for people who grew up witnessing abuse, etc. Geographic location does not matter. I was hoping to get a list of resources, experts, organizations.
posted by bq on Feb 19, 2013 - 9 answers

Trying to evade violent stalker, seeking feedback and advice

A woman I'm seeing has an ex who was abusive, and is now back in her life and an active violent threat. Help us respond appropriately. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 3, 2013 - 20 answers

When does cruelty become pathology?

What qualifies as domestic abuse (or who qualifies as a domestic abuser) and what is just shitty relationship behaviour? Trying to come to terms with a long episode of nastiness in my past and failing. [more inside]
posted by everydayanewday on Jun 23, 2012 - 39 answers

Books/Resources re: family violence

One of my parents comes from a difficult family situation. I have always assumed there was significant abuse and violence in the family; my parent has always denied that this was the case. Another family member has now confirmed my suspicions, and I'm looking for resources to learn more about the impact on my generation of adult children and our children of this sort of legacy of violence - where my generation was not directly victimized but grew up with parents who were. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 18, 2012 - 9 answers

Should I avoid dating someone who has this in them to do?

Should I avoid dating someone who, as part of a "game," punched a woman until she bruised severely? [more inside]
posted by Sock of Silliness on Jun 5, 2012 - 84 answers

Help me help her.

Nutshell: I need a reputable, authoritative source of data about how many times the average victim of abuse/domestic violence/intimate partner violence returns to the relationship. [more inside]
posted by prefpara on Apr 27, 2012 - 6 answers

What else can we do?

Active domestic violence and emotional abuse in the unit above me... Help us brainstorm, are there other things we can do as neighbors with long ears? [more inside]
posted by Leucistic Cuttlefish on Apr 25, 2012 - 16 answers

What to do after domestic violence?

My fiance hit me today. I called the police and he's in jail. What am I supposed to do now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 19, 2012 - 58 answers

It's not only hurting you, it's hurting me too

Help me cope with the fact that two of my friends, victims of domestic violence, don't want help. [more inside]
posted by IndigoRain on Feb 10, 2012 - 7 answers

Renting off the grid? Is is possible?

It's a little complicated, but it's about identity and renting. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 17, 2011 - 28 answers

How did you tell others you were in an abusive relationship?

I realized last night that I need to get out of my emotionally abusive marriage. I'm really scared for a lot of reasons. For those of you who have been in my shoes, how did you "come out" to others about your situation? How did you cope with people who told you you brought it on yourself? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 9, 2011 - 32 answers

Until we develop food-over-IP...

A friend in another state spent the night in a domestic violence shelter. What can/should I do to help? [more inside]
posted by Alterscape on Sep 29, 2011 - 14 answers

Divorcing a person with BPD

I need to end my marriage, but don't know how to tell my husband I want out, since I fear for my property and personal safety. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 1, 2011 - 41 answers

You stay in your state, I'll stay in mine.

Can I obtain a domestic violence restraining order in California against a person who lives in another state? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2011 - 5 answers

How can I help?

My godson's mother just got into an unspecified altercation with her brother about elder-care. It led to her brother (who happens to be a Police Officer in a major metropolitan US city) beating her up pretty severely. What can I do to support her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 13, 2010 - 13 answers

Help me to be of good help!

I'm about to begin volunteering at a shelter for battered women and their children. The shelter also operates a 24/7 crisis line for women who have suffered from abuse and violence, including sexual assault. What should I know before I start? How should I prepare? What was your experience like? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 9, 2010 - 21 answers

Legal or logistical advice for Spanish domestic violence victim?

Short-term asylum for Spanish domestic violence victims fleeing to the UK, or related advice? Much more inside. [more inside]
posted by collectallfour on Jul 20, 2010 - 16 answers

How to set a better example for a controlled 10-year-old girl?

A friend's 10-year-old daughter is being controlled by her boyfriend (yes, the 10-year-old's boyfriend!). Crazy, I know. How can we help? [more inside]
posted by justonegirl on May 6, 2010 - 63 answers

Examples of trauma denial

What are some detailed examples of trauma denial? [more inside]
posted by acoutu on Jan 7, 2010 - 13 answers

How do we support our abused friend and her daughter?

Last night, a close friend of ours was the victim of a domestic dispute. Her live-in boyfriend became convinced of infidelity in the relationship (a relationship that was headed to the dumps anyway), came back to their apartment, violently pulled her off of the couch screamed at her and repeatedly punched her in the stomach. Police were called, no charges filed (Red flags here). Now she and the daughter are staying with us, but are afraid to return home. Where do we go from here? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 15, 2008 - 10 answers

Plug your favorite band!

Looking for indie song suggestions for a community radio public affairs show. [more inside]
posted by levijk on Aug 20, 2008 - 9 answers

Every two minutes...

Looking for music with an an anti-violence, anti-sexual assault message. [more inside]
posted by levijk on Jul 22, 2008 - 28 answers

How can I get rent back from a room I need to leave

Scary roommate situation. I want to leave and I'm trying to figure out if I have any way of getting my money back, which I really need to help me get another room. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 5, 2008 - 32 answers

Dealing with occasionally abusive stepfather?

My stepfather abused my sister a few weeks ago. She walked out of the house, but then reconciled a week later. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 21, 2007 - 43 answers

How best to serve a women's shelter?

I have an interview coming up for a volunteer position on the board of the local women's shelter. I anticipate them asking something along the lines of "what will you do for us as a member of the board," and I'd like to have a good answer. [more inside]
posted by AV on Feb 12, 2007 - 8 answers

How to help teenagers in a violent relationship?

Can I help two teenagers in a violent relationship when they don't seem particularly interested in being helped? One of the teenagers lives with me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 3, 2006 - 15 answers

Where is my 12 YO sister?

Where is my sister ??? Any experience with an abucted sibling? Any experience with false claims of domestic violence with regards to shelters? [more inside]
posted by mireille on Nov 2, 2006 - 39 answers

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