Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with doctor

I'm upset with my doctor. Am I overreacting?

feste — Fri, 24 May 2013 10:25:03 -0800

I have a couple of questions about my doctor's decision to change a medication dosage. I've been taking a 10mg dose of Ambien for a few years, which has worked pretty well for me. When I went to pick up my refill today, the prescription was for 5mg. I had read that the FDA had issued new guidelines for women, recommending a dosage of 5mg, so I suspected this might be the reason, but my doctor had not called me, nor had she told the pharmacist the reason (the pharmacist was the person who pointed out the dosage change). When I called my doctor's office to see if it was a mistake, the administrator didn't know, there had been no notation, and just said she would tell my doctor to call. My doctor called and said, yes, that the change had to do with the FDA guidelines, but when I expressed annoyance at not being told, she said, "well, I'm telling you now."

I have two questions. First, am I overreacting at being annoyed? I really want to chuck her and get a new doctor, but maybe this is just a little thing. She's okay in other ways, although I'm not attached to her.

Second, are FDA guidelines the same as rules? She said she was prescribing 5mg of Ambien for all her female patients from now on because "she didn't want to get in trouble." I haven't reported any problems with this medication, and I was under the impression that doctors have some discretion as to dosage.

Is a referral better than a cold call? How do they work?

mock muppet — Sat, 11 May 2013 13:12:11 -0800

My insurance doesn't require referrals to specialists. I've never seen a specialist for a specific problem that wasn't initiated and referred by my doctor. If I want/need to see a specialist for something, does it make sense to see my doctor first and ask for a referral, or find a (random) specialist myself? On the other side, when does a doctor not give referrals? Up until now, I've always been referred to surgeons and radiologist and other "procedural" specialists for specific issues recognized by my nephrologist. Until this week, I hadn't had a separate Primary Care Provider since I was a child. My insurance doesn't require me to have one (though encourages it), and I hadn't had general issues important enough to bother with getting one.

Recently I talked with a social worker about issues I've been having with depression and anxiety. She recommended I find a PCP and bring it to him/her in order to get referred to a psychiatrist and/or therapist. She wasn't able to get a referral for me to any specific GP, but gave me a (vague, eventually useless) list of doctors to try. After a couple of false starts, I eventually managed to get an appointment with a doctor who is now my PCP.

When I saw him at the introductory appointment, he said he didn't refer patients (or wouldn't refer me specifically? I'm not sure) for psychiatric issues, and I'd have to find my own. So I'm back to square one with that.

It makes me wonder, more generally, when you don't strictly need a referral for your insurance, does it always make sense to see your PCP first anyway, for a referral or a recommendation? When and why do doctors sometimes refuse to make referrals? Is it because the issue is too general ("depression and anxiety" vs. "consult for angiogram")?

When is it not appropriate or unexpected to call your PCP's office and ask for a referral to see a specialist, when they'll just tell you to find one yourself and make an appointment?

I don't want to be alarmist, but I also don't want to be stupid.

meese — Sat, 11 May 2013 12:33:40 -0800

Suppose you've noticed a growing red skin blemish on your arm that's irregular, raised, and a little flaky towards the center. At what point do you start to worry it's skin cancer and go see a doctor? So, about a month ago, I noticed this tiny bump on my forearm. I thought it was a pimple, and I picked at it a bit, and it didn't pop. Then it started to get red -- but I figured this was just some reaction to my picking at it. But it kept growing larger. For a while, it looked a lot like a small burn. About two weeks ago, I noticed it had an irregular shape, and just a little bit of flaky skin in the middle. I was worried for a while that it was some sort of fungus or rash, but it doesn't really itch or anything. (It does sting a bit, if I touch it.) Right now, it's a little bit larger than a pencil eraser. It doesn't bleed at all, and it doesn't appear to have any veins in it or anything. (Overall, so far as frightening skin blemishes go, it's been pretty unobtrusive.)

Just this morning, I remembered what I had learned in high school physiology about skin cancer, and it dawned on me that this is a wee bit closer to the description of what to look out for than I'd like. But, this isn't a mole: I never had a mole in this spot of my arm. And, furthermore, it's only been there about a month. That seems like way too short a time frame for skin cancer -- although, I have no idea what I'm talking about.

So, given that I've had this skin blemish only for about a month, and given that I really don't want spend my money and time on going to the doctor just to be told, "Eh, if it's still there after $TIMEFRAME, come back," when should I be thinking about making an appointment with my doctor? Now? A month from now, if the blemish is still there? Six months from now?

Is there a doctor in the house?

cheerwine — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 12:22:43 -0800

I'm looking for a good primary care doctor in New Haven, CT who accepts United Healthcare insurance. I'm also okay with driving a short distance outside of New Haven. I need someone who does not have a long waiting period to schedule appointments for new patients. Do you know of anyone, or do you know of a good way to decide which of the thousands of doctors on the internet are any good (healthgrades.com was decidedly unhelpful)?

Do I really need to see the pediatric neurosurgeon?

Mr.Know-it-some — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:31:12 -0800

YANMD, but perhaps you're more free to speak honestly than my doctor. My baby had a simple skull fracture. We have a regular checkup scheduled for a month after the incident, but the pediatric neurosugeon wants to see the baby at around the same time. Would that really offer any additional information? Details: Following head trauma, a CT scan showed that my baby had a simple skull fracture (linear, no depression) but no intercranial injury. The ER told us to have a 3-day followup with the regular pediatrician, and then come back in a month for a follow-up with a pediatric neurosurgeon. From my internet research, the 1-month seems to be to screen for a leptomeningeal cyst.

The 3-day followup was fine, and the primary-care ped said that because we already had a checkup scheduled for about a month after the accident, a separate appointment with neurosurgeon shouldn't be necessary. But when she asked, they wouldn't let her cancel it. She seemed unconvinced of the usefulness of the additional appointment, but said that "Well, if they want to see the baby, you should let them see the baby." We will ask again at the checkup, but I think the primary care doctor isn't in a position to give her honest opinion. Any informed opinions?

Halloween Questions are less boring in April, right?

Juliet Banana — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 10:11:07 -0800

I am going to a "Halloween" party in a couple weeks. I own this nurse dress and this nurse cap. In them I look like a realistic, traditional, matronly nurse. I would like to look like a ______, ______, and/or _______ nurse. How do I weird this costume up? It's in a DIY space / gallery and will likely be attended by artists, promoters, drag queens, hipsters, art school students, tumblr celebrities, queerz, club kids, and other assorted riff raff. Not exactly some sort of James St. James underground orgy of in-over-our-heads hedonism, but not a fancy dress party in someone's living room, either.

I am extremely broke right now, but can afford/borrow/mop basic craft supplies. I have a friend who can do basic alterations for me. The dress is a little big/loose on me.

I'm not interested in a cliche; "Sexy Nurse" or "Zombie Nurse" is out. I need an idea like Civil War Nurse, or School Nurse at Satan's School for Girls, and ideas for how I'd pull that off. My current best idea of "Nurse Ratchet" (a play on the modern slang definition of ratchet and the character Nurse Ratched), bedecked in neon fishnet and mile long fake nails, but I am a little uncomfortable with it due to the weird racial overtones.

I'm a petite Latina who wears glasses (I have black catseye glasses that work for vintage looks plus a million other colorful pairs of oversized Ray Ban knockoffs). I have zero shyness about my body (and this is one one of those safe-for-all-gender-expressions kind of parties, not some gross Spring Break mess where I'm going to get groped by bros) so the "No Sexy Nurse" ban is about avoiding lameness, not preserving modesty. My personal wardrobe is generally either "hyperactive supergirly girl hopped up on candy and Sailor Moon" or "crusty bike punk soaked in black metal occultism and genderqueer androgyny."

How to stay motivated as a 20-something facing years of MORE school?

sunnychef88 — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 13:43:46 -0800

Problem is that I'm losing steam at this point, facing many more years of school ahead of me if I'm accepted into professional school. How I can shake the feelings of uncertaintly as I keep plugging away? I'm surrounded by college-aged students, and constantly getting updates from my peers via social media with whom I graduated who are living out their mid 20s in style, galavanting around NYC, traveling the world doing stuff like Peace Corps, dating people... doing all of these things I feel like I'm missing out on, and will miss out on for the next 5 years should I get into medical school. Won't I be in my early 30s by the time I finish school and get married? Isn't it time to start a family then, with no opportunity to live abroad or go out and have those great experiences you can only have when you're young and in your prime? As a woman, I'm anxious about the decison I'm making, and how being a physician will play out with finding a husband and starting a family.

I'm in my mid 20s, pursuing a second Bachelor's in order to complete required coursework for applying to med school. I have a first Bachelor's degree from a prestigious school that ended up being useless, although the intangibles, connections I made, and personal growth I took away from the experience that that academic were invaluable, and will help me to achieve my goal of being a physician. After shadowing a doctor, I realized I can't see myself doing anything else. Every day there will be novel cases to deal with, new people to talk to, new problems requiring innovative solutions... it's all a recipe for not being bored, and helping people out in a huge way, incorporating science and a love of your fellow man.

Not that I'm much of a partier at all. I would rather invent recipes or refashion t-shirts, or get lost in a book than have a night out at a bar or club. I have deep, meaningful friendships with many women, and find them immensely fulfilling. I would really like to date a guy, and I do get hit on quite a bit, but I've never been a fan of the casual hook up culture. Dating seriously doesn't seem to be feasible right now being in this town for only another year or so, with most college-aged guys not looking for what I'm looking for. It would be a huge emotional distraction, too. I get can overthink things easily when it comes to relationships. Perhaps it comes with the sensitive introspective artist territory.

Maybe this feeling wouldn't be so tough to deal with if I weren't pulled in so many directions by my talents and exploratory, inquisitive nature. If I were inept with language and visual-spatial perception, and instead, brilliant with sequential, logical thought.... if I weren't a "people" person... if were a more efficient worker, not having to explore all the nuances of whatever particularly interesting assignment I'm given... I might not feel so restless.

This all sounds totally self-involved and whiny, I know. Woe is me, right?! Man, I sure wish things were harder for me to grasp and I was socially awkward, jeez. It would be so awesome having to work multiple jobs, live on my own, and deal with all this stress! Yes, I have it really good, relatively speaking. We each have our own cross to bear, though.

Hoping that someone else who has faced a similar situation in their 20s can give me some advice on how to deal with these feelings of uncertainty. I work hard and am humble, realizing how good I have it, and how everything could take a turn for the worst tomorrow. However, no amount of rational thought seems to be helping.

Ways to improve a cervical herniated disc quickly?

Thanquol180 — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 06:15:43 -0800

I recently got an MRI and was diagnosed with a cervical herniated disc. Not much pain, but there is numbness and tingling in the left thumb, and very tense shoulders along with some other symptoms. It has been about 2 months since I got it. For people who have had a cervical herniated disc - besides resting and visiting the doctor, do you have any other advice for getting the hernia gone as quickly as possible? The doctor said that it is not a very large hernia, but it is not improving - actually seems like it is getting worse. Typing seems to make it worse as well, but I need to type a lot for my job unfortunately. I am getting traction and electrotherapy in rehab, but nothing else besides that.

INYAND but: For people who have had this condition, how long did it take for you to get back to health? Did you do anything on your own besides rest which seemed to help? I'm currently taking hot baths and doing a lot of stretching (like the double chin). I've also really worked on my posture - sitting and standing up straight, with a monitor at eye level when typing. But nothing seems to make the symptoms better and I'm getting rather frustrated.

Just the tip?

princeoftheair — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 21:28:16 -0800

*It* hurts at the end. I already seen two different doctors (GPs) twice each, but don't feel like I am getting answer I need. I'm looking for suggestions for what I should ask/tell my doctor in a couple days. YANMD, etc. Details follow. The last few months have been incredibly stressful and I've been dealing with bouts of anxiety. I was feeling pretty tired and nauseous, then 2.5 weeks ago after skiing for a day, there was pain at the end of my penis (the tip and about a centimeter down the urethra) on the bus ride home. I went to the doctor and he said it sounded like a bladder infection. After a week of antibiotics, the fatigue and nausea were gone, and the pain had diminished. However, on the second visit, when the doctor looked at my urinalysis and urine culture, he said there was no sign of infection and had no idea why I was hurting, but that it would last for several weeks and I should come back if there was more pain.
I immediately went to a second doctor for another opinion and told him the story. He thought it might be a prostate problem and gave me some meds for that. A couple days later the pain got intense again and I went back to the Dr. 2, but he just told me I was too stressed out and sent me away.
That was a week ago. I have a followup appointment in a couple days. Yesterday the pain came back strongly, though not as strong as before so I would like to think I am getting better gradually. But, I would still like a better answer than, "I don't know, just relax." So, is there anything I can ask my doctor or say that might help speed along my recovery?

Some other details:
Most of the time there's a little pain, but it's negligible, sometimes none at all
There have been three instances where the pain was pretty intense, each about 5-6 days apart and it lasts a few hours
The intense moments are after sitting all day (on the bus, afternoon at work)
Standing and walking helps a bit
There's no discoloration, swelling, sores, etc.
The pain doesn't seem to be triggered by anything in particular (urination doesn't seem to matter) it just appears, usually in the afternoon (almost at the same time)
Yes, I practice safe sex but understand there are always risks

Again, it's getting better (it seems) but slowly. If there's something I can tell Dr. 2 that won't make him think I am a hypochondriac and maybe get me on the right medication, it would be appreciated. Thank you.

Physician titles in medical hierarchies around the world?

raspberry jam and clothes iron — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 07:35:20 -0800

In the USA, doctors in academic centers are interns (first year trainee), residents (subsequent year trainee), attendings (completed training), fellows (attendings who are further subspecializing and revert to trainee status). Also, leaders of primary teams and consulting services are both called attendings. What's the terminology in other countries? I'm most curious about English speaking countries (registrars? consultants? LMO?) but would also enjoy hearing about others also!

Who to believe- my doc or my pharmacist or random people in my life?

silverstatue — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 09:40:18 -0800

Should I keep pouring different meds into my poor body to fight this beast of a chest cold? YANMD and YANMPharmacist. That being said, I need advice. I have been crazy sick for the past 2.5 weeks. It started off as just a sniffly cold. Then in the 2nd week, it escalated into a really bad cough and congestion. I went to my doctor and he gave me three prescriptions - for Robutussin with Codeine, for Advair (an inhaler) and for Prednisone. He said to try the first two for a few days and then if I wasn’t feeling better, to go to the Prednisone.

I went to the pharmacist and tried to fill the first two. The pharmacist was shocked that my doctor had prescribed the inhaler, given the fact that I don’t have asthma or allergies, and was extremely reluctant to fill it. We only filled the Robitussin. I took the robotussin for 4 days. It did nothing and I got worse. Finally that Saturday (2 week mark from getting sick), I filled the prednisone prescription. It’s a 10 day cycle and today is day 5. I've been really bad the past 4 days but today I have for the first time started to feel slightly better.

This is where things got stupid. I mentioned to some friends last night that I'm on prednisone and they freaked out saying it lowers my immune system and I'm just putting myself at risk for something worse and I should be on antibiotics, etc.

I called my doctor this morning and he said that I was supposed to be taking the Advair and prednisone together and should get the advair right away and start taking it too. I am terrified to put yet another drug into my body. The congestion DOES seem to be breaking up a bit as of this morning, but I'm still sneezing and coughing my brains out.

My question is: Do I A. stop taking all meds, since I feel like my poor body is going to explode from all this crap. B. Keep on with the prednisone and hope that things will clear up, even though everyone tells me that it’s a steroid and super bad for me. C. go to pharmacist and try to get him to fill the Advair and go on that too even though he was 100% against it. or D. Go back to my doctor tonight and have him re-evaluate me.

I know the go-to advice is to see a doctor, but.. my doctor seems to be in conflict with everyone else I talk to.

Getting over my dread of calling the doctor

Anonymous — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 06:35:10 -0800

I am filled with dread when I think about calling to make a doctor's appointment. I need to get over it so I can get help for depression. Help? I am enormously fortunate to have insurance and a doctor, but I am scared of calling to go see him. I have only ever been a handful of times, and it was only when things became physically intolerable. He and his staff have always been super nice and helpful, but making those appointments filled me with incredible dread. Even when I am indisputably sick and clearly not getting better on my own, I will punch the numbers in my phone and then erase them for hours. There is no rhyme or reason to my fear, but it's there and it's real. So that's the back story.

For the past ten or so years I have felt depressed on and off. I am suicidal a couple of times a year. I'm not suicidal now, but I think I'm getting depressed again. A few years ago I started keeping a diary to keep track of when I felt my most depressed, to see if it coincided with anything (time of year, menstrual cycle) and it has no pattern that I can see. I used to cut myself, which is embarrassing to admit, but it felt good because it gave me a clear, calm thing to focus on without any outside thoughts troubling me. I haven't done it for years, but nothing else gave me comfort and relief like that. Sometimes I am not depressed at all, and the whole thing seems like a bad dream that I'm waking up from.

When I'm depressed is when I can least stomach the idea of picking up the phone and making an appointment and sharing my problem with the super nice lady in the office. At least for my other appointments I was clearly sick and had physical symptoms, and even then I found it extremely hard to call. Here is what I tell myself to try to convince myself to do it: I need help. They've heard and seen it all. The conversation will be an unremarkable part of their day. Millions of other people talk on the phone with no problems. Millions of other people are depressed. Despite the sensible self-talk, I have managed to avoid taking this step for years. Less constructively, I also tell myself that if I somehow screwed up my courage and just made the damn appointment already, I would be so embarrassed that I'd downplay everything and slink away after wasting everyone's time. Or there won't be an opening for six months, so why bother? Or he'll want me to see a therapist and then I can go through the phone thing again, with the added terror of talking to strangers and going to a new place. When I am not depressed, I think I actually could man up and make an appointment and get help like an adult, but I always just put it off because hey, I feel great, what was I so upset about?

So, this was a lot of awful personal details, but mainly I am looking for advice in just getting through the phone call to make an appointment. Give me a phone script. A story about how you got over your fear of the phone. Anything to help me take this step.

How do I get my doctor to pay up?

rednikki — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 12:48:10 -0800

Short version: Outpatient facility acknowledges they owe me money but has not paid up. Their eternal answer is "The check will go out Thursday. We know it was supposed to go out last Thursday but it will go out this Thursday. Promise!" It's been over a month now, and I've called several times a week. How do I get my money back? More details inside if you want them. Two months ago I went to an outpatient facility for a medical procedure. I had checked with my insurance beforehand and they told me the procedure was 100% covered. I arrived at the facility at 7am all prepped for the procedure, and they told me it was not 100% covered and I would have to pay them just under $500 before they would admit me for the procedure. This was not the sort of thing one can put off, so I paid.

I called my insurance provider two weeks later and learned that the procedure was 100% covered and that they had paid everything. I then called the outpatient facility asking for a refund.

The outpatient facility denied all knowledge of the payments my insurance company had sent until I read them the check numbers, at which point they suddenly "found" them. For about a month now, they've told me the check will go out on Thursday. When the check does not appear by Monday, I call and they tell me there was a mix-up but it will go out this Thursday.

What are my options to get them to pay up? Do I take them to small claims court or just camp out in their lobby on Thursday until they give me a check?

WORMS IN COKE: So gross I can barely look at the photo.

instead of three wishes — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 08:20:20 -0800

My Mom drank a can of coke. She discovered after drinking there was a mass of live worms in the can. She probably ingested some of these alive. I AM VERY CONCERNED. Photo below. Here is the photo she sent me. I have a low ick tolerance for this kind of thing, admittedly, but these look horrific to me and I am freaking out.

She has been to a doctor. He sort of shrugged and gave the equivalent of "Pray" as an answer. I am not okay with that answer. He had no idea what they were. Can anyone identify these, let me know how worried I should be, and what steps she should take?

What's the salary of a rural doctor in the National Health Service Corp?

Anonymous — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 09:24:11 -0800

Sorry for the anonymous post. I am a pediatrician finishing my residency in July. I am interested in doing the National Health Service Corp in a rural area. I have looked at dozens of job posts on the NHSC website, but none of them list their salary. Instead they only mention that it is "competitive." It is frustrating because I don't know what the industry range for "competitive" salaries is. What is a "competitive" salary for a young pediatrician working in a rural area? $60k? $100k? $150k? Thank you so much for your help!

Help me get help

hrj — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 07:25:31 -0800

How do I start getting treatment for my mental health problems, specifically, in Austin, TX? Hi -- this question has been asked in some variations in the past, but I'm a special snowflake.

I've struggled with ADHD and anxiety and probably depression for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with ADD is a kid, but was the outlier who was a high performer in school (but I had to devote so much time to get everything done with all of my distractions and hyperfocus).

After a conversation with my husband a few months ago, where he effectively told me he didn't want to be married to me anymore, I realized that I am not in control of these problems as much as I thought. I spent most of the second half of 2012 unemployed and depressed, which my husband took as lazy, and compounded the problems in our marriage. We are trying to work on things, but it isn't going so well, and I'm trying to preempt the fall out if the marriage ends, which would not be my choice (but that's probably a whole other question here)

After reading a lot on the green, and in other places, I want to try medication to see if that will help me as these are long term chronic issues for me. How do I get started?

I just went to the GYN for the first time since moving to Austin, and tried to bring up my anxiety and depression, and was told to start working out. I do not have a primary care physcian.

Do I just call up a psychiatrist? I found one who can take me on as a new patient and manage meds -- but he doesn't take insurance. Is this normal? I don't mind paying, but I don't know if that should be a red flag.

Do I just ask for medication? Do I start with a therapist, and get referred?

I appreciate any help anyone can offer, and any specific recommendations in Austin especially.

Going to the doctor like a Real Adult

hoyland — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 07:52:42 -0800

I've never really had a regular doctor as an adult and I'm thinking I should change that. Should I? How do I go about it? As far as I know, I'm generally healthy. My achilles tendon (I think) has been sore/hurting off and on for the last week or so and it's getting to the point where I think maybe I should see a doctor on the off chance I should be concerned about it. My only other complaint is that I'm generally anxious and I've started to become ridiculously anxious about flying. Am I right in thinking adults have 'wellness visits' (as check-ups seem to have been renamed) in the absence of substantial health complaints?

I'm a grad student, so I have access to the university student health clinic, but I was not really impressed with them when I went about three years back. I have 'real' health insurance and am not obliged to go to the student health center (where I have to pay exactly the same co-pay as elsewhere). I got a recommendation of a GP from a friend. Let's assume I wish to make an appointment with this person. What do I say when I phone? "Is Dr So-and-so accepting new patients?" And then what? What do I say when they ask me why I want/need an appointment? When I go for the appointment, what information do I bring?

Integrative/Holistic Medicine in Minneapolis

LittlePumpkin — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 12:56:08 -0800

Do you love your doctor? I'm looking for a new general practitioner. In the past I have had best experience with doctors who use integrative or holistic to describe their approach -- though I recognize that those terms mean different things to different people. Bottom line is that I want someone who isn't going to throw pills at me right off the bat. Thanks!

Guess what normal is: household income edition

stuck on an island — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 08:03:56 -0800

Were you in a single-income doctor's family in the US during the 1990s? Help me reconstruct what lifestyle and education my siblings and I might have enjoyed if my mother hadn't been a pathologically miserly narcissist. Many, many details inside. I've known for some years that my estranged mother is a severe narcissist under deep cover, but it wasn't until I read this post on the blue, and specifically this comment by a Mefite with a high-earning single mother about their lifestyle growing up, that I realized that anything other than strict financial necessity might have been at work in the environment of grudging, Spartan, sanctimonious frugality in which my siblings and I were raised.

The backstory:

While my older brother and sister and I were growing up, and particularly after my parents divorced in 1988 or so, my mother was extremely frugal -- pouring generic soap and shampoo into brand-name bottles and eking them out with water to make them go further; wearing two pairs of one-legged pantyhose rather than throwing away a pair with a run; driving the cheapest and most fuel-efficient cars on the market; vacationing only in campsites and youth hostels; obsessively monitoring the household's energy consumption; subscribing to endless personal finance magazines and newsletters like The Tightwad Gazette. As a family, we had almost none of the trappings of affluence: no fancy house, no fancy car, no satellite dish, no swimming pool, no boat, no summer home, no private lessons, no heaps of toys, no swanky clothes, no big-screen or cable TV, no stereo system. The only signs my mother wasn't, say, a Mennonite on a paralegal's salary was that we had a live-in housekeeper/nanny who functioned as her stay-at-home wife, and that she occasionally went on Caribbean cruises with me and/or the housekeeper for company.

None of these economies would have felt like deprivation if they had been undertaken for our sake or in an emotionally generous atmosphere, but my mother was also very good at claiming the moral high ground as sole breadwinner and making us children feel like selfish, greedy, materialistic, lazy, sponging, expensive and bothersome drains on her hard-earned finances. Even basics like new clothes or warm winter coats had to be groveled for as special favors -- throughout my teens and twenties I dressed almost exclusively in thrift-store clothing and shoes, and cut my own hair with sewing shears -- and we were shamed out of asking for things I realize in retrospect were fairly innocent and normal expectations in middle-class American kids: Barbie's Dream House, cars to drive in our teens, financial contributions to our weddings.

The most upsetting aspect of my mother's stinginess was that it extended to a staunch unwillingness to spend money on our education. I was "the family genius" with effortless straight As, blisteringly high test scores and a passion for learning; my brother had emotional and behavioral difficulties if not a learning disability; my sister was an average student. All three of us floundered, bored out of our minds or struggling without help, through mediocre public schools, and were then brainwashed and guilted into choosing colleges solely on the basis of their cheapness. I would have given a limb to go to an Ivy League, but my mother steered me firmly away from aspirations like these, depicting them as total pipe dreams, and I wound up applying to only one school, a SUNY. (When I found out in my late 20s about things like need-blind admissions programs, I cried and cried.) We were also expected to work throughout college in order to lighten the financial burden on her.

I grew up believing money was tight and feeling cripplingly guilty for always needing more of it. It wasn't until my mother took early retirement and started buying featherbeds and Persian rugs and taking her friends on cruises regularly that I began to realize what all those years of scrimping and saving might really have been for.

After reading the MeFi FPP, I did a little research on how much US anesthesiologists make. They make a lot. Then I looked at the salaries offered in job ads for specialists at the hospital where my mother worked. The anesthesiologist ads were salary on application, but an otolaryngologist position was advertised with a baseline salary of $440,000.

That's the point at which I started to feel sick. How could a fully employed anesthesiologist, even one with three kids to raise and $100k in ex-husband debts to pay off, really have been as hard-pressed to make ends meet as my mother made out? What could she really have afforded if she'd had our best interests at heart? How badly did we get scammed? What might my life and opportunities have been like if she hadn't been a narcissist?

TL;DR: Were you a doctor, or the child of a doctor, in a single-income household during the 1990s? What was your family's lifestyle and education like?

HSV Blood Test Paranoia

emoemu — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 00:07:37 -0800

No symptoms present, no evidence of exposure. To blood test or not to test? Per my usual protocol, I went to get comprehensive STD testing before exchanging bodily fluids with a new partner. I have never been offered an HSV blood test before, but I saw a new doctor this time who offered it. She said that typically most doctors do not offer the test unless people show symptoms, but I could get it “if I wanted to.” At first it sounded like a good idea, but the more time she gave me to think about it, the less good it sounded. So I delayed my blood test to give it more thought. Here are my concerns:

I have never shown symptoms of HSV-1 or HSV-2 but the doctor says that does not guarantee a negative result (i.e. Many people are asymptomatic carriers, or just haven't shown symptoms yet.) My major fear is: IF I get a positive result*, my anxiety and hypochondria will control my life, whether or not it is necessary to be concerned. I will worry about developing symptoms on a daily basis, and I will be more afraid of sexual contact than I already am.

However, I realize that STD testing is not really about me. It's mostly about protecting those I am intimate with. But if this is not a standard STD test that everyone would get, that complicates things. And if the stats of how many people are actually infected with HSV are accurate, wouldn't I just be freaking myself out about something that a large number of people have but so few know about?

Although I'm used to being the only “germaphobe” around a sea of saliva exchangers, I don't really think it will be good for me to be one of the only idiots who actually knows their status and gets to worry about it amongst a sea of ignorant folks who choose to live in oblivion to the fact that such a high number of people carry these infections. I've also never required my past partners to get this blood test so now if I get it, I'm pretty sure I'll require that my partner get it too (whether or not it is difficult or expensive for them to get...which it seems like it might be.) But why change my protocol just because someone is offering me something I wasn't offered before? Why become even more of a germaphobe/STD-aphobe than I already am, just because my doctor is offering me that opportunity?

Lastly, does anyone know if a positive result (or even getting the test in the first place) will have an affect on my individual health insurance coverage?

*Since 50-80% of the population has oral HSV-1, I am fairly certain I will test positive for that. Seeing the result on paper may still be somewhat upsetting/concerning/anxiety-inducing, though probably manageable. Since a much lower percentage of the population has HSV-2, and I am pretty careful, I am guessing I will get a negative result for that - and if not, it may cause serious stress - as a positive result for any STD test is wont to do.

Doctor in Minneapolis who takes Aetna?

heliostatic — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 14:44:07 -0800

Looking for a doctor (GP) in Minneapolis. I've just moved to Minneapolis and would like to get a primary care physician. I have the predictable sort of medical needs, and am a reasonably healthy ~30 year old, so no particular specialties or areas of expertise are required. I have Aetna insurance, so someone in network would be preferable.

LGBT-friendly doctors in Ithaca, NY?

dorque — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:03:09 -0800

My new doctor and I are a horrible match. Clearly the answer is "find a different doctor", but how do I make that work? (Bonus points: recommend an LGBT-emphasis-on-the-T friendly doctor in or near Ithaca NY. Willing to drive as far as Syracuse or Binghamton if they're sufficiently awesome.) I had my first appointment (for a physical) with my new primary care doctor today and it was a disaster. (When my health insurance changed, I picked a practice at random from the insurance's list and she was the first doctor at that practice who had an appointment available.)

- She shamed me for being fat and assumed it's because I don't exercise, despite the fact that I reported getting >7 hours of vigorous exercise per week on my intake charts;
- Once corrected, she was dismissive of the weight I've successfully lost so far;
- She just about came out and said my (quite competent, tyvm) mental health providers were quacks for having me on "all these medications";
- When I told her I was sleeping 12+ hours a day, but it was such poor quality sleep that I didn't feel rested at all, she didn't seem at all interested in figuring out why and just told me to take melatonin;
- And this is not exactly her fault, but the rapport was so bad that I didn't feel comfortable telling her I'm transgender, as a result of which the chest exam and pap smear were hideously unpleasant. I'm seeking top surgery soon and can't imagine her being willing to do the required pre-op physical.

Writing this all down makes it seem so trivial, but the collective result was that I had to spend 10 minutes crying in the parking lot before I could safely drive home. I don't have the emotional wherewithal to go through this every time I try out a new doctor. How do I make sure any new doctor I pick won't be just as bad? Do I just need to toughen up and get over myself?

Is it too late to start over?

MD_yeahright — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 08:54:01 -0800

at 31, is it too late to start over? so i have dabbled with various alternative lifestyles throughout my 31 years...
First, I went to school for film production (total waste of time and $ imo), moved to LA, but the work dried up after never really taking off (and I hated LA).
I then moved north and grew medical marijuana for awhile living off the grid (but only for ~2 years because I'm so paranoid about the law). I loved living in the forest and farming my own food and being in the quiet surroundings with my friends, but I hated the prospect of the law coming down on me at any moment....
since then I have been trying to play poker as my main source of income with very mixed results. During most of my poker stint I have been living somewhat of a vagabond lifestyle out of a van with my gf whom also plays poker. TBH, poker has been very stressful and hasn't worked out for me, and my temper/frustration with it has nearly ruined my relationship with my gf/best friend and has left me feeling totally worthless/suicidal. I put a lot of time and energy into becoming as good as I could be at poker, but my results have been so disappointing and anything but sustainable. I have lost it a few times and have found myself in some regretful situations...

To me it seems that nothing up to this point has really worked out and I feel that I haven't been able to find anything that I genuinely love to do or that will sustain me. I want to start over. I think the only job that I would be able to get with my "resume" right now would be working at burger king or something just as bad, and i think i'd rather die...
I dont know why I have never chosen to pursue a "career." well, actually i do: it has always seemed so trivial and limiting to me. I have never liked commitments or deadlines, and i have always scoffed at the status quo...

so now I have about a 7+ year gap on my resume with no job, no house, etc. which does not help my hope for starting a new path...

I am really considering going to back to school (possibly med school) for the following reasons:

-mental stimulation/acquiring empowering knowledge

-I like and want to help people and know that there are many different avenues one can take in the medical field

-being on a rigid, structured schedule. I feel like I have been living a very lackadaisical lifestyle where I never really have to do anything and there are never any deadlines; although this also worries me because I have become used to being lazy

I know I would be in serious debt for so long after med school (or any school), but right now I really don't care - I just want to start something new and become immersed in something that will yield some sort of purpose and financial security.

any thoughts or advice? I have already researched about med school (tuition, debt, curriculum, etc.), so I'm looking more for how all this sounds to you guys...thanks

Blood pressure machine woes.

MaryDellamorte — Tue, 04 Dec 2012 15:26:41 -0800

Every single time I have my blood pressure checked by a machine, it's high. If it's manually done, it is always within the optimal range (usually around 110/70). Does anyone else have this problem? How trustworthy are those machines? I've had my blood pressure checked by three different doctors (OBGYN, GP, sleep doc) in the last six months who all used the manual method and everything was perfect. Anytime I go to Patient First, they use a machine and my readings are CRAZY high. I went in last night and it was something like 158/100 (WTF). The lady came back in 10 minutes later to check it manually and it was fine. And this seriously happens every single time I go to Patient First. I also tried out one of those automatic machines in a drug store and got a high reading. What is going on here?

Alternative medicine ideas?

7life — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:02:17 -0800

I am looking for alternatives for the standard "doctor sees you for five minutes and prescribes drugs for whatever ails you." I am a little fed up with the current medical care that we have been receiving so far. My wife for example has eczema. She has been to 3 different doctors. The standard seems to be they look at it for 5 minutes, ask minimal questions, and prescribe drugs for it. Now I am a layman and even I know that there are connections between eczema and other factors such as allergy to something, dry air, irritants in everyday products, etc. But none of the doctors even talked about those. None.

What I am looking for:

1. people who actually sit down with you to try to figure out if there is any bigger underlying picture to whatever ailment you have. "Let's see if your eczema improves if we eliminate these laundry products" as opposed to "Here's a cream for that and that's that" as the first line of defense.
2. whole body health. Instead of "here's surgery to fix your knee problem", I want people who would say "Let's look at your everyday posture and walking style first"
3. Communication between specialists. Here's what I see: a primary care will send me to a specialist and the specialist will do what they do...oftentimes without consultation with the primary care. Now if I have a knee problem and I'm sent to a knee specialist whose specialty is knee surgery - chances are I would get a knee surgery even if there is a better way of dealing with it. I heard that in Mayo Clinic, different doctors would get together and discuss best treatment options as opposed to doctors handing off responsibilities to the next one in line.

So - what am I looking for? Is there a name for the branch of medicine that practices the points above? Yes - I understand that good conventional doctors do those already but honestly I do not think that is the standard. Holistic and naturopath seem to offer those but they have been tainted with quackery, as today's answers to the naturopath question in the green have indicated.