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My future just doesn't fit anymore

When leaving is terrifying, but staying's unbearable: please help me figure out what to do. [more inside]
posted by morninganyway on Nov 1, 2013 - 42 answers

Objection on behalf of the kids

A legal question for the family law attorneys of AskMeFi [more inside]
posted by Dansaman on Oct 31, 2013 - 21 answers

Should I let my children visit their father?

My ex and I recently divorced after a 16-year marriage. The divorce was mostly amicable, and we had been planning on living in the same area after the dissolution of the marriage in order to be able to have shared custody of our two children, aged 6 and 7. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 15, 2013 - 31 answers

Resources to help parents to support children during a divorce

What are some good resources for helping a parent to support a young child, while that parent is getting divorced? [more inside]
posted by life moves pretty fast on Oct 8, 2013 - 2 answers

Pushing spouse to next stage in seperation. Please help.

My spouse won't move with me to the next step in our separation and I don't know what to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 29, 2013 - 22 answers

Divorce in Michigan with minor children but without Friend of the Court

My wife and I are getting divorced. We have three minor children. We will be sharing custody and time with the children equally. Neither of us wants child support from the other, we have comparable incomes, and we do not want Friend of the Court involved. The divorce is uncontested and we are trying to use LawHelpInteractive.Org (it was linked by the Circuit Court) to fill out the paperwork. The paperwork it generates seems to include Friend of the Court by default and I can't figure out how to get Friend of the Court out of it. Can I file as is and file the opt out paperwork separately after the case is created?
posted by anonymous on Sep 23, 2013 - 5 answers

How do I thank my lawyer?

My (dramatic) divorce will be finalized in 3 weeks. How do I acknowledge how awesome my lawyer is? [more inside]
posted by spunweb on Sep 23, 2013 - 14 answers

Looking for a simple divorce solution in PDX area

Paperwork makes me droolingly stupid. I have taken a stab at doing the divorce paperwork myself, but it always ends up crumpled up on the floor. The parenting plan business (required by Multnomah county) was the easy part. I am looking for someone who will handle the paperwork and filing and just get it done with. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 16, 2013 - 3 answers

How to live with my wife before the divorce?

My wife wants to leave me. In late March I discovered an affair she was having. We went through several months of what can best be described as "limbo" while she tried to decide what she wanted to do (leave or stay). At the end of July she announced "when I'm able, I'm going to move out." Problem is - the economics of this are basically impossible. So we still live in the same house. How can I make this easier for me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 6, 2013 - 66 answers

Need advice: Is it time for a divorce, or do I ride this out?

Should I seriously be considering a divorce now, or give it more time? And if I do want to initiate a split--how do I do it, since this will totally blindside him? What else should I do to prepare if it comes to that? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 4, 2013 - 27 answers

How to prepare for a divorce that might or might not be coming

My husband is talking about getting a divorce. It is unclear to me whether he is serious or whether he is having a midlife crisis of some sort. Without knowing whether we will or won’t get divorced, what should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 3, 2013 - 35 answers

Referrals for Real Estate Lawyer or similar near Las Vegas?

A good friend owns an underwater house in a suburb of Las Vegas. Payments are current and house is in good shape. The friend reported that a similar home in the development recently sold for several thousand (something like $50-80k) less than his current mortgage. If I can provide referrals to knowledgeable local people so he can get good, sensible information on his options, that would be a huge help. [more inside]
posted by Kpele on Aug 29, 2013 - 0 answers

Should I Sign an Informal Child Custody Agreement?

My ex-spouse and I share custody of our son. He is now in kindergarten five days a week, necessitating some adjustments to his weekly schedule. We have come to a basic agreement, and my spouse wants me to sign this agreement. Even though we are principally on the same page, it feels a bit weird. Should I do it?
posted by toots on Aug 27, 2013 - 34 answers

Should I be the one who got away?

Two women, two very different paths in life. Is there a third option that I can't see? Excessive detail inside. [more inside]
posted by MyFrozenYear on Aug 18, 2013 - 33 answers

Should I send my ex-wife an article on "Sensory Processing Disorder"?

I am recently divorced as of August 7. I believe one of the contributing factors leading to divorce was my ex-wife's tactile defensiveness. [more inside]
posted by speedoavenger on Aug 17, 2013 - 24 answers

How much help should I accept from my husband who left me?

After being partners for 18 years, including 10 years of marriage, this week my husband left me because he "loves me but isn't in love with me". He is being very kind about it, which I deeply appreciate, but I don't know how much of his help it is healthy for me to accept? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 15, 2013 - 52 answers

Dating someone separated.

I found out that my boyfriend is technically not divorced. This (as you might imagine) has been a major source of stress for me - what it comes down to is that he and his ex are staying married for insurance reasons, but will file by the new year. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 7, 2013 - 70 answers

Finally moving on - BUT how do I prioritize what's next..

So finally, I decided to take the bold step and move on to a bigger and brighter future (Hopefully, anyway!). I decided to divorce, on the grounds that I deserve better. [more inside]
posted by Spice_and_Ice on Aug 4, 2013 - 12 answers

the (housing) logistics of separation

My husband and I have decided to separate. We have 2 daughters (12 and 2) and a house and live in a major city where rent is astronomical. How on earth does this work? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 4, 2013 - 13 answers

How did you commemorate the day your divorce was final? How did u feel?

My divorce will most likely be finalized next week on Tuesday August 6. What did you do to commemorate (or celebrate) the day you found out your divorce was final? I didn't want the divorce so I won't be celebrating, but I would like to do something special to commemorate the day. I have mostly reached a place of acceptance with the situation, but I definitely still have periods of grieving. I want happy or sad stories. Give me all you got! :-)
posted by speedoavenger on Aug 1, 2013 - 29 answers

Looking for help with divorce paperwork in LA.

I haven't seen my wife in almost two years. We decided to separate in late 2011 after 5 years of marriage. It was totally amicable, we got married too young, etc etc. For many reasons, neither of us pursued a legal divorce. Largely it was a matter of cost- She's a PhD student, I'm a Grad student, neither of us had the $325 filing fee. We fell out of touch and it kind of kicked around the back of my head. This year, taxes rolled around and we realized that we needed to pursue the legal divorce. And then we sat on it some more until I finally got one of those DIY Divorce Books. So, great, I got all the forms from the state, filled them out, scraped together the filing fee and then froze. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 30, 2013 - 6 answers

How to prepare for a possible divorce?

A family member has confided in us that divorce is a distinct possibility. She has asked for advice on how to prepare for such eventuality. And I'm turning to the green to help us answer that question. Though as is customary, there is a monkey wrench thrown into the mix. [more inside]
posted by 7life on Jul 25, 2013 - 11 answers

What, if any, contact should my children have with their absent mother?

My ex-wife suddenly vanished over 2 years ago to her native Asian country, leaving behind a son (then 1, now 3) and daughter (then 6, now 8). Contact was intermittent (sometimes once a week and sometimes every three months). I asked her to commit to a regularly scheduled call and she refused to do so. I also found the phone calls to be borderline abusive to my daughter (the daughter would ask, "Mommy when are you coming back," and the mother would reply, "When are you going to come see me?" which caused the daughter to feel responsible for her absence - or the Skype video chats where the daughter would have the camera on but the mother refused to do so). I have since cut off contact with the mother in order to protect my daughter, though wonder if it is the correct decision. [more inside]
posted by b_thinky on Jul 24, 2013 - 45 answers

There can only be one, frame that is..

So, two bad backs need a solution. Has anyone tried two twin long mattresses in a king platform bed frame? One of the details is that the mattresses will be of different heights from each other. Would it simply be better to have two separate twin bed frames and push them together? How have you solved the two bad backs, two mattress type problem? [more inside]
posted by jadepearl on Jul 18, 2013 - 5 answers

Books for kids about divorce

My friend is getting a divorce, and doesn't know how to talk to her two young daughters (3 and 4) about it. Are there any books that have helped others in a similar situation? [more inside]
posted by odayoday on Jul 13, 2013 - 7 answers

What to expect in an Australian Family Law Court?

What can my SIL expect when going to a custody hearing in a South Australian court? Not seeking legal advice as she has a really good lawyer so much as an idea of what will happen procedure wise. [more inside]
posted by wwax on Jul 7, 2013 - 5 answers

Friend just gave birth. Leaving her husband. What does she need to know?

Not the happiest circumstances to bring a new child into this world. After years of supporting her husband, financially and emotionally, she's reached her limit. He's dealing with some addiction issues, and has become increasingly hostile with the birth of this baby. Maybe they'll work this out one day, but right now she doesn't feel safe, has filled her car with personal belongings and is staying with family. She left him a lengthy note, but does not want to talk to him in the next few days. This has been a long time coming, and while I don't imagine it will be a surprise—his family has actually encouraged her to do this—he won't react well. What sort of legal precautions should she begin taking? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 29, 2013 - 19 answers

When do you know a marriage therapist isn't right for you?

What are reliable questions that a person in marriage therapy can ask to determine that they are probably not with the right marriage therapist and should try someone else? Put another way, how can a person in marriage therapy know that the match with the therapist is a bad fit, as opposed to the problem being with the patient himself/herself? [more inside]
posted by scunning on Jun 25, 2013 - 14 answers

Car insurance and the marriage discount

My ex-husband is still listed as my spouse on my car insurance policy and I just recently found that it's been giving me a discount on my premium for the last two years that we've been divorced. If I send the insurance company my divorce decree, it will remove him from my policy and increase my premium by $100. I'd like to keep him on the policy and continue to get the discount. What penalties (if any) would occur if I did this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 19, 2013 - 28 answers

divorce mediation advice sought

I have a one day mediation set for next week. I have a great attorney and the chosen mediator seems a great choice. What do you wish you'd known, asked for, given in on? All suggestions are welcome. It's been fairly amicable thus far, but the money is causing strife. I'm in Washington, so 50/50 is typical. I was a stay at home mom for 18 years. Separated two years, went back to work as a temp. Kids are over 18, college is paid for already.
posted by jennstra on Jun 17, 2013 - 22 answers

I need to end it. Please help me find the words.

The short version of how I got here – love my husband but fell in love with someone else. It’s not fair to him but I just don’t know how to say what I need to say. (Much) longer version inside. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Jun 10, 2013 - 53 answers

Experiencing sexual dysfunction and other symptoms, post-divorce

Went through extreme anxiety and upheaval 2 years ago and have experienced sexual dysfunction and prostatitis-like symptoms ever since. How can I approach this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 5, 2013 - 7 answers

"I'm not going to change"

The other day I had already had a bad day when my husband made an insensitive and crappy remark about something. I replied with tears in my eyes and said that he really had no idea about [subject]. Husband ignored that and then 5 minutes later cheerfully asked if I wanted to watch tv. I said no. He was surprised that I was "still mad" and we tried to talk about it, but I shut down because I felt vulnerable and remembered past talkings where I always felt like "too sensitive" and nothing would change anyway. This time, my husband apparently also thought the same because he said "Well, if you're unhappy, maybe you don't want to continue this relationship, because I'm not going to change". [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 30, 2013 - 40 answers

Marriage counselor / mediator in Seattle

We need someone to walk us through a separation in Seattle. There may be some legal and financial things to hash out as well. No idea how to do this. writingcrush at gmail for private messages.
posted by anonymous on May 29, 2013 - 1 answer

How do I cope with the loss of my first love after 8 months of marriage?

I dated my first love for 2-1/2 years and then we got married. She was my first girlfriend and I was her first boyfriend. She asked for a divorce about a month ago. How do I cope? Please see the extended explanation for specific questions. [more inside]
posted by speedoavenger on May 27, 2013 - 22 answers

Child therapist in Boston area?

My husband of sixteen years and I are going through an amicable divorce. Our six-year old son seemed to be dealing with it very well for the past year but now we're about to sell the family home he seems to have broken down, resorting to mild self-harm and not eating, saying he hates himself because he is stupid. The school psychologist has suggested he might benefit from seeing a therapist. Can you recommend someone great, ideally in Somerville or Cambridge? Throwaway email: childtherapistrecs@gmail.com
posted by anonymous on May 24, 2013 - 4 answers

How did you handle lonely nights after your divorce?

My days are full, though sometimes full of heart-ache. At night, once the pets and child are asleep, I am alone. Going out is not an option, and sometimes books, music and movies just aren't going to cut it. Did anyone find something surprising or helpful to them after a breakup that might help me get more comfortable with my alone time?
posted by SarahBellum on May 17, 2013 - 18 answers

Is this where I communicate with him, or give him space?

The guy I've been dating is pulling away, and I need some help wading through the conflicting 'wisdom'. [more inside]
posted by Salamander on May 14, 2013 - 29 answers

Have you had to divorce your best friend?

My husband of 8 years and I have come to an impasse: he wants a free-love, open relationship because he stifled his sexuality as a religious person before we were married, and I want...well, not that. How do I move forward when it means breaking the most important bond I have? [more inside]
posted by SarahBellum on May 7, 2013 - 28 answers

I need a good plan for covering living expenses while alimony decreases

Looking for some general advice on my financial situation. I'm contemplating hiring a financial planner, but they're $500 for two hours worth of work. I don't think my stuff is that complicated. I'm coming out of a nasty divorce, and count myself fortunate that I don't have debt to my eyeballs. Nevertheless, I want to make the best of what I have. So I'm looking for advice on where to throw money, where to take money, etc. [more inside]
posted by punocchio on Apr 25, 2013 - 9 answers

PA divorce with no lawyer = Confusion

I'm in the process of filing an uncontested, no-fault divorce from my husband. We just want to get the necessary paperwork over with as soon as possible and sign on the dotted line. Details inside, kept short and succinct for your viewing ease! [more inside]
posted by assasinatdbeauty on Apr 17, 2013 - 5 answers

Tips to keep emotionally in shape during conjugal crises

What are the things that you did during a conjugal crises that helped you? [more inside]
posted by TheGoodBlood on Apr 9, 2013 - 4 answers

How to know if I want to stay in my marriage?

My wife and I are having a lot of problems in our marriage, have been for quite some time. Infidelity on both sides. Unresolved childhood trauma. Lack of trust and honesty from both parties. We have a wonderful life and two amazing children and are best friends, have been since high school. We're both starting therapy (separately) and then maybe marriage counseling. And I suppose this is one of those things that I can expect or hope to work out in therapy? But right now, how do I know if I should stay in my marriage? What signs did you have that your marriage was over or was salvageable?
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2013 - 13 answers

Tell me how you survived the end of a long relationship.

Last summer I left an emotionally abusive long-term relationship, and I’m still really struggling with loneliness and heartbreak. Hope me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 7, 2013 - 13 answers

Parents. Cheating. Way out of my depth.

My mom just found out my dad's been cheating on her. How do I deal with all of this from 3000 miles away? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2013 - 27 answers

Federal Civilian Pension after divorce. (US)

Asking for a friend. YANHL. A couple has divorced, wife has a local civil service pension and husband a federal civilian pension. The judge ruled they would split each pension 50/50, instead of letting them keep their own. She has sent her court order to his pension board and has received acknowledgement. She has been unable to get any answers from the pension board about what happens now. He has left federal service but has not retired. Does she have to wait until he retires to start receiving her monthly checks from the federal system? Can she start getting them when he reaches retirement age even if he's not retired? Who can she contact that will answer her questions? Would CC'ing her Senators/Rep on her emails help or hurt? Thanks.
posted by 1066 on Apr 4, 2013 - 6 answers

Tax Q: Gettin' divorced, can't claim deductions.

Here's the rub: In February on 2012, I decided to end my marriage. Because I was dead broke, we simply moved apart, split the bank account in two and went our separate ways with the understanding that we'd make a move to formally divorce in the next year. We did not get a legal separation. That divorce is now pending. My soon-to-be-ex-wife filed her taxes 'Married, Filing Separately'. This causing me all kind of tax havoc, including a bill I have no way of paying. More inside... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2013 - 28 answers

I would tell my BFF to DTMFA

Why am I having so much trouble leaving an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship? Or, tell me about your experience with leaving and how long it took you. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2013 - 19 answers

How to deal with a soon-to-be ex-spouse

My wife and I are getting divorced. At times she erupts at me with either overt or barely disguised hostility. How do I deal with the emotions caused by this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 27, 2013 - 34 answers

Any recommendations for a Cantonese speaking divorce lawyer in SF?

I am hoping that someone has a recommendation (or even a "stay away from") for a Cantonese-speaking divorce lawyer in the San Francisco area. [more inside]
posted by roquetuen on Mar 25, 2013 - 0 answers

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