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How to know if I want to stay in my marriage?

My wife and I are having a lot of problems in our marriage, have been for quite some time. Infidelity on both sides. Unresolved childhood trauma. Lack of trust and honesty from both parties. We have a wonderful life and two amazing children and are best friends, have been since high school. We're both starting therapy (separately) and then maybe marriage counseling. And I suppose this is one of those things that I can expect or hope to work out in therapy? But right now, how do I know if I should stay in my marriage? What signs did you have that your marriage was over or was salvageable?
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2013 - 13 answers

 

Tell me how you survived the end of a long relationship.

Last summer I left an emotionally abusive long-term relationship, and I’m still really struggling with loneliness and heartbreak. Hope me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 7, 2013 - 13 answers

Parents. Cheating. Way out of my depth.

My mom just found out my dad's been cheating on her. How do I deal with all of this from 3000 miles away? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2013 - 27 answers

Tax Q: Gettin' divorced, can't claim deductions.

Here's the rub: In February on 2012, I decided to end my marriage. Because I was dead broke, we simply moved apart, split the bank account in two and went our separate ways with the understanding that we'd make a move to formally divorce in the next year. We did not get a legal separation. That divorce is now pending. My soon-to-be-ex-wife filed her taxes 'Married, Filing Separately'. This causing me all kind of tax havoc, including a bill I have no way of paying. More inside... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2013 - 28 answers

I would tell my BFF to DTMFA

Why am I having so much trouble leaving an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship? Or, tell me about your experience with leaving and how long it took you. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2013 - 19 answers

How to deal with a soon-to-be ex-spouse

My wife and I are getting divorced. At times she erupts at me with either overt or barely disguised hostility. How do I deal with the emotions caused by this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 27, 2013 - 34 answers

On the brink of divorce, don't know what the hell to do about our cat

I think my marriage may be irreparably broken. The idea of splitting up is agonizing, but if things don't turn around soon, I can't stay. But. I don't know what to do about our cat, and it's tearing me apart. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 20, 2013 - 39 answers

Do I leave, and if so what do I say?

Not an original story. I love my husband but I love someone else too. What do I do? Looooong explanation to follow, apologies. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 19, 2013 - 55 answers

How to arrange family vacation with adult siblings but without parents?

My sister (married, one child) and I (married, no kids) want to plan a joint family vacation. We do not want our parents (divorced, both remarried) to come. Our mom is extremely sensitive/dramatic, and we are hoping to avoid a major meltdown from her. Help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 26, 2013 - 16 answers

Divorce and immigration attorney in Philadelphia area

I need recommendations for an attorney in the Philadelphia area, who can handle divorce and custody cases where one party (myself) is a non-US citizen, who is here on a marriage-based Green Card. The Card itself is about 2 years old.
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2013 - 4 answers

Is it still your business even though I left?

I split up with my wife a couple of months ago, and have been doing really well since then. Recently I've been feeling a little bit like she's been stalking me on social media, and today I've woken up to messages asking me why I'm in contact with someone from my past. How do I handle this? (I've tried to anonymise this as best I can) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2013 - 45 answers

Withholding in W4 - alimony/spousal support?

What withholding should I put in my W4 if I'm paying alimony/spousal support? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 22, 2013 - 6 answers

Need advice on my personal life affecting my career.

I am currently undergoing a career crisis and I need some wisdom, blunt feedback, and strategies for going forward. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 21, 2013 - 17 answers

My boyfriends borderline ex-wife is making me borderline crazy!

How should I address the fact that my boyfriend's unstable ex-wife continues to inappropriately contact him and his family? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 27, 2012 - 22 answers

Can my wife sue me for infidelity (and what does that even mean?)

Can my wife sue me for infidelity (and what does that even mean?) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 23, 2012 - 11 answers

Buy a house without a spouse?

Buying a house while married but physically separated -- what are the possible issues? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 14, 2012 - 5 answers

Is there such a thing as an unbaptism?

My ex-wife had our child baptized without my knowledge or permission. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 5, 2012 - 48 answers

Plaintiff or defendant in divorce, does it matter?

So, my wife and I are getting a divorce. Does it matter which one of us is the plaintiff and which is the defendant? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 6, 2012 - 13 answers

I am so stuck. The time has come to end my marriage and I can't get the words out.

I feel like I am experiencing sleep paralysis--I know I want to wake up but I just can't move. I've had no shortage of difficult life challenges over the years. Leaving a drug-addled, abusive family behind, holding dying loved ones, quitting cigarettes, I've ended LTRs in the past (and had them ended by partners too). I am not an over-thinker or an indecisive person and this feels so weird. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 2, 2012 - 5 answers

family drama

My semi-troubled sibling finally pulled the "I want to live with dad!" card. What should my mom do? How can I support her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 1, 2012 - 16 answers

My sister is separating and likely divorcing her husband after 15 months of marriage, and my family strongly disagrees with her decision. Do we tell her this?

My sister is separating and likely divorcing her husband after 15 months of marriage, and my family strongly disagrees with her decision. Do we tell her this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 21, 2012 - 65 answers

family support during divorce?

My family has taken a side in my amicable divorce. And it's not "my" side. How do I get support from them when I am isolated and depressed and really need them? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 12, 2012 - 26 answers

Between a rock and a hard place

I have recently separated from my wife of 6 years and have moved out of the family home into temporary accommodation. It has been about a month since I left and I am in a very confused place at the moment. My wife has put forward an ultimatum that is tearing me apart and I would appreciate some perspective from the hive mind. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 25, 2012 - 79 answers

Where to meet, not to eat.

You need to meet with your soon-to-be ex-husband to go over some financial issues. You've both agreed to do it without your lawyers just to get some stuff resolved without the complication of their "input". Where? Your house feels uncomfortable as a site. No way are you going to his new place. A restaurant? No. We don't want to have dinner together, just talk quietly and calmly and maybe go over some documents. The library? Feels weird. Suggestions?
posted by anonymous on Sep 19, 2012 - 41 answers

Should I cool it with my long distance friend until he leaves his girlfriend?

Divorce from abusive ex almost final, unexpectedly slept with a friend. We have loads in common but he's not (yet?) available. Cool it, or enjoy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 17, 2012 - 31 answers

How should my sister bring her son home, across state lines, during a messy divorce proceeding?

Asking for a friend: How should my sister bring her son home, across state lines, during a messy divorce proceeding? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 2, 2012 - 7 answers

When my husband files for divorce, what is my next step?

YANAL, but I need some direction. I think my husband is going to ask for a divorce, and I am clueless as to the next steps. He significantly outearns me... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2012 - 29 answers

Things are bad.

Our marriage is crumbling, and it's taking me with it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 13, 2012 - 29 answers

My mother feels defeated by her child support battles

My mother hasn't received child support payments from my father for over a year; I think she's become incredibly depressed about her treatment by the legal system, and has come to believe that no matter what she does, she'll have to bear the full financial burden of raising my sister. Help me inspire her with a rational reason why she should keep trying. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 11, 2012 - 13 answers

Time to go, how to go?

I think it's time for my wife and I to separate, but I have no idea exactly how to go about it. Help me out, hive mind. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 5, 2012 - 18 answers

How can I help my friend help herself and her kids?

My friend, Ann, is a married woman with two young children. Her husband has severe, chronic depression but refuses to get help. She has had an affair. She is not sure how to leave him, as she has no career or money of her own. More than that, I just don't think she's able to comprehend ever leaving him. How do I help her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 23, 2012 - 19 answers

impact of separation on Austrian visa status

I have a sister about to go through a separation and likely divorce while in a foreign country. Would appreciate any comments/advice on the impact of the separation on the visa of the dependent husband, and how to prevent the husband taking the child out of country. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 20, 2012 - 5 answers

Splitting escrow upon divorce and house buy-out.

I bought my house from my wife. We got our escrow refund check in the mail. I think it's rightly mine. She disagrees. Details inside... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 16, 2012 - 11 answers

Will learning to orgasm through masturbation help me through my divorce?

Will learning to orgasm through masturbation help me through my divorce? Female, been married 10 years, left because of verbal abuse, disturbed by reawakening of my sexuality now I'm "old" (nearly 40) and unloved. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2012 - 12 answers

Some semblance of normality?

I'm increasingly certain that my marriage is  dying, and I need some help negotiating the time between now and my first realtionship counselling appointment. (Apologies for the long post) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 24, 2012 - 27 answers

I don't think "none of your business" translates well into Catholic

I'm in the process of applying for an annulment to my marriage in the Catholic church, and am already feeling incredibly violated and offended by what the tribunal wants to know in order to pass judgement. Help me figure out if I want to suck it up and proceed. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 20, 2012 - 27 answers

My Best Friend's Divorce Includes Me

My best friend is getting a divorce. She won't talk to me for unknown reasons. I think we're done being best friends. Help me rationalize and cope. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 7, 2012 - 29 answers

The biggest FU ever

This was me. That problem was resolved by him killing himself in our flat. While i was there. Sleeping. Now I have different problems, mainly what the heck do I tell people? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 29, 2012 - 38 answers

I just asked my husband for a divorce and he is in complete denial about it.

I just asked my husband for a divorce and he is in complete denial about it. It's like I never asked. How do you tell someone you want a divorce when they won't listen to you? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 29, 2012 - 17 answers

How to say - No, you must stay with me

How to respond when elementary aged son asks to stay with Dad when it's Mom's weekend [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 28, 2012 - 23 answers

How can I convince my wife to come to marriage counselling sessions with me?

I'm trying to convince my wife to attend marriage counselling with me, but I'm having a hard time doing so. Her opinion of marriage counselling (based on what she's read online) is that it's a waste of money and that a marriage counsellor would "only tell us what we already know." When I've pointed out that a marriage counsellor is there to help facilitate communication, her response has been "if we need a facilitator to help us communicate we're fucked anyway." Reasons for needing counselling + bonus snowflakery inside. Apologies; it turned into a bit of a mind-dumpy wall of text. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 21, 2012 - 21 answers

How to navigate crazy daddy issues?

How do I deal with an emotionally charged email from my (semi-estranged?) father? Is it time to cut ties? Crazy snowflake wall of text inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 18, 2012 - 15 answers

Need a GREAT Divorce Attorney (NoVA)

I need a recommendation for a GREAT divorce attorney in Northern Virginia. And by great, I mean: a strong advocate for me and my kids, a strong sense of fairness and the ability to go toe to toe with the ugliest attorney my spouse might dig up. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 14, 2012 - 9 answers

What is the Facebook protocol during a painful divorce?

What is the Facebook protocol during a painful divorce? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 7, 2012 - 40 answers

Give her "space" and potentially end the relationship, or try to compromise?

Wife wants "space" -- but we're supposed to move to a foreign country in a week. Give her "space" and potentially end the relationship, or try to compromise? There's more to it than that, so here goes: [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2012 - 29 answers

Relationship with stepparent after a parent's death

Did you maintain a relationship with a stepparent after your biological parent passed away? What was it like? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 29, 2012 - 9 answers

How to be at a social event with people I’ve dreaded seeing for the past ten years?

I am attending the wedding of dear friends at which I will have to see my ex-husband and his new partner—a one-time close friend of ours with whom he cheated while married to me. I am now very happily married to someone else, in a relationship far better in every way than my first marriage. Nevertheless, I absolutely dread seeing my ex-husband and my old friend, and the prospect of seeing them is something I’ve dreaded since I first learned of their, erm, relationship. At the same time, I’d REALLY like to be to defuse the emotional power this has over me, and simply enjoy the wedding and the get-together with many other old friends that comes with it. How to work through this? Any advice from people who have navigated these turbulent emotional waters successfully? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 25, 2012 - 35 answers

What's the easiest way to get a divorce if it's amicable?

My wife & I have decided to divorce. It's totally amicable, we don't have much to split. What's the cheapest, easiest way to do this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 15, 2012 - 14 answers

Picking a side

Interstate custody battle. Should we get involved? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 2, 2012 - 26 answers

The War of the Roses without Danny DeVito

We're getting a divorce. We live in a rent controlled San Francisco apartment. We both refuse to leave and it's hell. Hivemind, please help me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 30, 2012 - 34 answers

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