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Divorce how to

I want to separate from my spouse. What can I do to minimize stress and maximize my resolve? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 28, 2014 - 17 answers

Sharing custody, but the kid only wants to be with me.

I share custody (50/50, week on - week off) of my eight-year-old with her dad, and have since he and I split up over three years ago. Lately she's been spending all of her time at his house crying for me. Since she can't point to any tangible problems to fix, I don't know what to do. Snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 21, 2014 - 24 answers

Divorce Lawyer in the Twin Cities

Looking for family law/divorce lawyer recommendations in the Twin Cities to help a couple with young children and assets go through a non-contentious divorce. Email AnonMetafilter14@gmail.com if you prefer. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 18, 2014 - 2 answers

Breaking up/co-parenting with a difficult person

I've decided to end my relationship with my boyfriend/fiance of nearly 6 years. We have a 3 year old. I've realized I would rather be single/co-parenting than have my child see such an unhappy relationship. My boyfriend is regularly verbally/emotionally abusive to me in front of our child, and has a history of being emotionally withdrawn. For the purpose of this question please assume that we are definitely breaking up and that there is no other option for me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 7, 2014 - 33 answers

The "how" and the "who first"

While my concerns about divorcing my spouse are numerous, there are two in particular that I could really use some advice on. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 3, 2014 - 20 answers

Marriage in trouble, wife refuses relationship counseling. What next?

My wife Jane and I are in our 40s and have been together for eight years. We got along well for the first few years, but things have been steadily going south since then. In theory, we both want to improve our marriage, but we are not making much progress on our own. I could use some advice. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 21, 2014 - 48 answers

Do I owe my ex-wife this money?

3 years after a divorce, my ex-wife is asking for money she'd contributed to our shared bank account. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 28, 2014 - 50 answers

Best practices for divorce household asset inventory?

We're divorcing and in a common property state. I am quite certain that my ex is going to be unhappy once they realizes that household items will be divided equitably. How can we best do this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 10, 2014 - 18 answers

Mommy is moving out

What are some of the better ways to tell a young child that Mom and Dad are splitting? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 23, 2014 - 28 answers

Should I stay or should I go now?

I’m no longer in love with my fiance and I’m not sure how I should proceed. The complicating factor is our children. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 19, 2014 - 28 answers

Requesting a tax extension in USA when not sure of filing status

How do I request an extension to file my income taxes when I'm not sure if I will be filing as "married filing jointly" or "married filing separately" and if separately, what deductions/exemptions, if any, I may be entitled to. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2014 - 4 answers

How do I work out what to do next, without disrespecting my marriage.

Out of nowhere it seems, I’m considering asking my wife for a divorce and I can’t figure out if its because I met someone else I feel I’d really like to get to know or because I’ve realized that we just aren’t meant to be. Or am I just being a douche for even considering throwing away what I’m confident almost anyone would agree is a marriage to a great woman? Sorry for the long story… My wife is a great person – of course – why would you marry someone you didn’t think this about? The list is huge – she’s smart, funny, empathetic, gets me, is very beautiful and will one day I know make a really wonderful mother. I know most would say all of this about their spouse, but even with rational eyes, the above is true. She has bad points too for sure, but no need to list those off as well. We’ve only been married about 18 months, but together for some time before this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 17, 2014 - 58 answers

How do people find money to move out when separating or divorcing?

A asks B for a divorce. B is not surprised. B agrees, even though B would prefer to stay in an unhappy marriage rather than be branded with a scarlet D*. A wants to move out ASAP. Generally speaking, how do the financial logistics of this work? No special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 11, 2014 - 17 answers

Procedural/ethical question that may sound like a relationship question

This is a financial/procedural/ethical question, not a relationship question. My SO and I recently bought a house together. The loan is in SO's name, because we got a better rate that way. SO is therefore the official owner right now. Our verbal agreement upon commencing the search for a house, and what we both decided was fair, was that my name would be added to the deed after we closed. We also talked about what we'd do if we split up, and we agreed that one would buy the other out, or we'd split the money from the sale of the home (minus our individual contributions to the down payment). We've moved in, and in typical fashion, haven't gotten around to the deed bit. Actual question after the jump. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 29, 2014 - 23 answers

What type of mental health professional do I need?

I'm working on separating from my spouse and need objective help on figuring out how to do this (financially, emotionally, working on co-parenting agreements). What type of mental health (or perhaps legal) help do I need to do this? (Like when I'm choosing from the insurance company dropdown menu or googling for people.) I need more than a mediator, I think.
posted by anonymous on Dec 27, 2013 - 6 answers

How To Get Out

I've been married for ten years. The last four have a been a long downhill slide. I have to end it. Do I give him notice or just go and deal with the aftermath? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 22, 2013 - 22 answers

How do I get a rough estimate of alimony in my upcoming divorce?

My wife and I are splitting up relatively amicably in the state of California. We'd both like to avoid a legal fight over money and income, but after some requests of hers that seem a little unreasonable, I'd like to get an assessment of how our income would roughly split up if we *did* go the legal route. Still, I'd rather avoid paying hundreds of dollars to a lawyer to figure that out. Is there some cheap way to get an extremely rough assessment of alimony? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2013 - 17 answers

SSRIs and the end of romantic love

Four months after my husband went on Lexapro, I could see it in his face that he didn't love me anymore. At seven months, he asked to separate after four years of marriage. After finding this article online, I'm curious as to whether others have had similar experiences. Have you or your spouse experienced a decline in attachment/romantic love after starting an SSRI? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2013 - 71 answers

How and where do I go about starting the divorce process?

I'm not yet sure I want to go that route, but I want to be informed and prepared just in case. Kids grew up expatriate, spouse recently moved them back without informing me or asking my permission, spouse has no job (supported by spouse's parent). I'm reading online that if there's a divorce and I act early, I'm more likely to get full (or at least fuller) custody. But where do I file? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 1, 2013 - 11 answers

Considering divorce... or depression

Married almost 3 years, together for over 4 years. My husband is a funny, arrogant genius, and when I first met him he was very kind to me. Right after we got married, things changed... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 24, 2013 - 52 answers

Buy her out or sell it?

My wife and I are getting divorced, and I'm trying to figure out what to do with the marital home. We have a lot of equity in the place, but also have a not-insignificant amount of joint debt. Equity is probably between $130-$150k. Around $60k other debt (two cars, small credit card, student loans). Help me consider the pros/cons of buying her out of the house (through a cash-out refi) and selling the place. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 11, 2013 - 15 answers

Should I let my children visit their father?

My ex and I recently divorced after a 16-year marriage. The divorce was mostly amicable, and we had been planning on living in the same area after the dissolution of the marriage in order to be able to have shared custody of our two children, aged 6 and 7. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 15, 2013 - 31 answers

Pushing spouse to next stage in seperation. Please help.

My spouse won't move with me to the next step in our separation and I don't know what to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 29, 2013 - 22 answers

Divorce in Michigan with minor children but without Friend of the Court

My wife and I are getting divorced. We have three minor children. We will be sharing custody and time with the children equally. Neither of us wants child support from the other, we have comparable incomes, and we do not want Friend of the Court involved. The divorce is uncontested and we are trying to use LawHelpInteractive.Org (it was linked by the Circuit Court) to fill out the paperwork. The paperwork it generates seems to include Friend of the Court by default and I can't figure out how to get Friend of the Court out of it. Can I file as is and file the opt out paperwork separately after the case is created?
posted by anonymous on Sep 23, 2013 - 5 answers

Looking for a simple divorce solution in PDX area

Paperwork makes me droolingly stupid. I have taken a stab at doing the divorce paperwork myself, but it always ends up crumpled up on the floor. The parenting plan business (required by Multnomah county) was the easy part. I am looking for someone who will handle the paperwork and filing and just get it done with. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 16, 2013 - 3 answers

How to live with my wife before the divorce?

My wife wants to leave me. In late March I discovered an affair she was having. We went through several months of what can best be described as "limbo" while she tried to decide what she wanted to do (leave or stay). At the end of July she announced "when I'm able, I'm going to move out." Problem is - the economics of this are basically impossible. So we still live in the same house. How can I make this easier for me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 6, 2013 - 66 answers

Need advice: Is it time for a divorce, or do I ride this out?

Should I seriously be considering a divorce now, or give it more time? And if I do want to initiate a split--how do I do it, since this will totally blindside him? What else should I do to prepare if it comes to that? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 4, 2013 - 27 answers

How to prepare for a divorce that might or might not be coming

My husband is talking about getting a divorce. It is unclear to me whether he is serious or whether he is having a midlife crisis of some sort. Without knowing whether we will or won’t get divorced, what should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 3, 2013 - 35 answers

How much help should I accept from my husband who left me?

After being partners for 18 years, including 10 years of marriage, this week my husband left me because he "loves me but isn't in love with me". He is being very kind about it, which I deeply appreciate, but I don't know how much of his help it is healthy for me to accept? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 15, 2013 - 52 answers

Dating someone separated.

I found out that my boyfriend is technically not divorced. This (as you might imagine) has been a major source of stress for me - what it comes down to is that he and his ex are staying married for insurance reasons, but will file by the new year. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 7, 2013 - 70 answers

the (housing) logistics of separation

My husband and I have decided to separate. We have 2 daughters (12 and 2) and a house and live in a major city where rent is astronomical. How on earth does this work? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 4, 2013 - 13 answers

Looking for help with divorce paperwork in LA.

I haven't seen my wife in almost two years. We decided to separate in late 2011 after 5 years of marriage. It was totally amicable, we got married too young, etc etc. For many reasons, neither of us pursued a legal divorce. Largely it was a matter of cost- She's a PhD student, I'm a Grad student, neither of us had the $325 filing fee. We fell out of touch and it kind of kicked around the back of my head. This year, taxes rolled around and we realized that we needed to pursue the legal divorce. And then we sat on it some more until I finally got one of those DIY Divorce Books. So, great, I got all the forms from the state, filled them out, scraped together the filing fee and then froze. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 30, 2013 - 6 answers

Friend just gave birth. Leaving her husband. What does she need to know?

Not the happiest circumstances to bring a new child into this world. After years of supporting her husband, financially and emotionally, she's reached her limit. He's dealing with some addiction issues, and has become increasingly hostile with the birth of this baby. Maybe they'll work this out one day, but right now she doesn't feel safe, has filled her car with personal belongings and is staying with family. She left him a lengthy note, but does not want to talk to him in the next few days. This has been a long time coming, and while I don't imagine it will be a surprise—his family has actually encouraged her to do this—he won't react well. What sort of legal precautions should she begin taking? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 29, 2013 - 19 answers

Car insurance and the marriage discount

My ex-husband is still listed as my spouse on my car insurance policy and I just recently found that it's been giving me a discount on my premium for the last two years that we've been divorced. If I send the insurance company my divorce decree, it will remove him from my policy and increase my premium by $100. I'd like to keep him on the policy and continue to get the discount. What penalties (if any) would occur if I did this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 19, 2013 - 28 answers

Experiencing sexual dysfunction and other symptoms, post-divorce

Went through extreme anxiety and upheaval 2 years ago and have experienced sexual dysfunction and prostatitis-like symptoms ever since. How can I approach this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 5, 2013 - 7 answers

"I'm not going to change"

The other day I had already had a bad day when my husband made an insensitive and crappy remark about something. I replied with tears in my eyes and said that he really had no idea about [subject]. Husband ignored that and then 5 minutes later cheerfully asked if I wanted to watch tv. I said no. He was surprised that I was "still mad" and we tried to talk about it, but I shut down because I felt vulnerable and remembered past talkings where I always felt like "too sensitive" and nothing would change anyway. This time, my husband apparently also thought the same because he said "Well, if you're unhappy, maybe you don't want to continue this relationship, because I'm not going to change". [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 30, 2013 - 40 answers

Marriage counselor / mediator in Seattle

We need someone to walk us through a separation in Seattle. There may be some legal and financial things to hash out as well. No idea how to do this. writingcrush at gmail for private messages.
posted by anonymous on May 29, 2013 - 1 answer

Child therapist in Boston area?

My husband of sixteen years and I are going through an amicable divorce. Our six-year old son seemed to be dealing with it very well for the past year but now we're about to sell the family home he seems to have broken down, resorting to mild self-harm and not eating, saying he hates himself because he is stupid. The school psychologist has suggested he might benefit from seeing a therapist. Can you recommend someone great, ideally in Somerville or Cambridge? Throwaway email: childtherapistrecs@gmail.com
posted by anonymous on May 24, 2013 - 4 answers

How to know if I want to stay in my marriage?

My wife and I are having a lot of problems in our marriage, have been for quite some time. Infidelity on both sides. Unresolved childhood trauma. Lack of trust and honesty from both parties. We have a wonderful life and two amazing children and are best friends, have been since high school. We're both starting therapy (separately) and then maybe marriage counseling. And I suppose this is one of those things that I can expect or hope to work out in therapy? But right now, how do I know if I should stay in my marriage? What signs did you have that your marriage was over or was salvageable?
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2013 - 13 answers

Tell me how you survived the end of a long relationship.

Last summer I left an emotionally abusive long-term relationship, and I’m still really struggling with loneliness and heartbreak. Hope me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 7, 2013 - 13 answers

Parents. Cheating. Way out of my depth.

My mom just found out my dad's been cheating on her. How do I deal with all of this from 3000 miles away? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2013 - 27 answers

Tax Q: Gettin' divorced, can't claim deductions.

Here's the rub: In February on 2012, I decided to end my marriage. Because I was dead broke, we simply moved apart, split the bank account in two and went our separate ways with the understanding that we'd make a move to formally divorce in the next year. We did not get a legal separation. That divorce is now pending. My soon-to-be-ex-wife filed her taxes 'Married, Filing Separately'. This causing me all kind of tax havoc, including a bill I have no way of paying. More inside... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2013 - 28 answers

I would tell my BFF to DTMFA

Why am I having so much trouble leaving an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship? Or, tell me about your experience with leaving and how long it took you. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2013 - 19 answers

How to deal with a soon-to-be ex-spouse

My wife and I are getting divorced. At times she erupts at me with either overt or barely disguised hostility. How do I deal with the emotions caused by this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 27, 2013 - 34 answers

On the brink of divorce, don't know what the hell to do about our cat

I think my marriage may be irreparably broken. The idea of splitting up is agonizing, but if things don't turn around soon, I can't stay. But. I don't know what to do about our cat, and it's tearing me apart. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 20, 2013 - 39 answers

Do I leave, and if so what do I say?

Not an original story. I love my husband but I love someone else too. What do I do? Looooong explanation to follow, apologies. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 19, 2013 - 55 answers

How to arrange family vacation with adult siblings but without parents?

My sister (married, one child) and I (married, no kids) want to plan a joint family vacation. We do not want our parents (divorced, both remarried) to come. Our mom is extremely sensitive/dramatic, and we are hoping to avoid a major meltdown from her. Help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 26, 2013 - 16 answers

Divorce and immigration attorney in Philadelphia area

I need recommendations for an attorney in the Philadelphia area, who can handle divorce and custody cases where one party (myself) is a non-US citizen, who is here on a marriage-based Green Card. The Card itself is about 2 years old.
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2013 - 4 answers

Is it still your business even though I left?

I split up with my wife a couple of months ago, and have been doing really well since then. Recently I've been feeling a little bit like she's been stalking me on social media, and today I've woken up to messages asking me why I'm in contact with someone from my past. How do I handle this? (I've tried to anonymise this as best I can) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2013 - 45 answers

Withholding in W4 - alimony/spousal support?

What withholding should I put in my W4 if I'm paying alimony/spousal support? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 22, 2013 - 6 answers

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