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Need someone to help refinance home in the San Francisco area

I'm separated and my wife has the house and has to pay all expenses on the house including loan payments. I went through getting the loan adjusted once, which helped for a while, but now she's behind again. She isn't doing anything herself and hasn't asked for help, but my kids live there too, when they are not with me, But I'm having trouble getting motivated to help out this time. So I'm looking for someone who can deal with the banks to get a refinance. [more inside]
posted by eye of newt on Aug 30, 2014 - 14 answers

Should I file a contempt claim on my ex-husband?

My ex-husband hates me. I mean, REALLY hates me. I left him 4 years ago after years of emotional and verbal abuse, and he still has not once looked me in the eye or spoken directly to me since then. We have a 10-year-old daughter together and the divorce agreement says we should split her medical costs (doctor visits and prescription meds) 50/50. I emailed him to ask him to pay his share ($30) from a recent appointment and he emailed back saying that because he had taken her to get her hair cut, he should not have to pay. He then sent me pictures (!) of some over-the-counter cough drops he'd purchased for our daughter and demanded that I reimburse him for them, saying that if I refused I would "set a dangerous and vitriolic (sic) precedent in our relationship." What should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 21, 2014 - 24 answers

Letting go- failure or quitting? what's the difference?

I am having a hard time letting go of something. I have been told that I have an amazing ability to persevere and I can, unfortunately, keep on trying to make things work- for ever! Needless to say, letting a current bad situation go is proving to be near impossible because I see doing that as outright failure, not to mention a complete waste of 1+ year. My friends say its not failure, and I don't think I understand the difference. So I am hoping that maybe you can explain with personal anecdotes? [more inside]
posted by xm on Aug 17, 2014 - 22 answers

My husband left me this morning. Now what?

My husband and I decided to divorce at 4 o'clock this morning, after I found him in bed with another woman. We've been married for 16 years and have an 11 year old daughter. He is at work, I am at home, and I don't know what to do. [more inside]
posted by Capri on Aug 14, 2014 - 54 answers

How do I deal with ongoing animosity between long-divorced parents?

My parents got divorced twenty years ago. How can I set boundaries with my mother while still having a good relationship with my father? Recent events have made it obvious that there's still a lot of hurt and anger between my mom and dad. [more inside]
posted by baronette on Aug 14, 2014 - 14 answers

Divorce: who keeps the Engagement and Wedding rings?

I am in the very early stages of separating from my husband. He wants me to give my engagement ring back to him when we divorce. I don't agree. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2014 - 41 answers

Good Source for Relationship Statistics

Does this exist? The popular myth is that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but those numbers are slippery. Is there a place with a good breakdown? [more inside]
posted by Athene on Aug 6, 2014 - 9 answers

For Richer, not Poorer: forcing Ex to refi or sell to pay money owed

Basically, he needs to pony up $23k a year ago and it doesn't look like he has any intention of doing so. [more inside]
posted by Mysterious Trousers on Aug 5, 2014 - 7 answers

Do I return the stuff?

I found some things belonging to my ex-husband and I'm really not sure how to proceed. [more inside]
posted by TORunner on Aug 3, 2014 - 25 answers

Should I let ex stay at my home so he can visit the children?

My children haven't seen their father since his move to a distant continent last year, following our acrimonious divorce. He is coming to visit soon and expects to stay with us. I am of two minds whether to welcome him into my home. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 1, 2014 - 47 answers

Your parents divorced? Tell me about it.

I want to leave my husband and need to understand the potential impact to my daughters, aged 10 and 11. Please tell me what your parents' divorce was like, and the different ways in which it affected you. [more inside]
posted by puppet du sock on Jul 31, 2014 - 47 answers

Divorce how to

I want to separate from my spouse. What can I do to minimize stress and maximize my resolve? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 28, 2014 - 17 answers

Sharing custody, but the kid only wants to be with me.

I share custody (50/50, week on - week off) of my eight-year-old with her dad, and have since he and I split up over three years ago. Lately she's been spending all of her time at his house crying for me. Since she can't point to any tangible problems to fix, I don't know what to do. Snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 21, 2014 - 24 answers

How do I serve papers in Canada?

My friend has an uncomplicated divorce (no assets, no kids, no shared debt, filing taxes singly.) The ex lives in Canada and is a Canadian citizen, my friend who is filing for divorce is in California and a United States citizen. She has free legal help-- they got the papers filled out properly and explained the general process, but didn't explain serving papers. Paying to speak to a lawyer is out of the question. How do we serve papers internationally, to a known address? What if she refuses delivery or can't be found?
posted by blnkfrnk on Jul 21, 2014 - 12 answers

Divorce Lawyer in the Twin Cities

Looking for family law/divorce lawyer recommendations in the Twin Cities to help a couple with young children and assets go through a non-contentious divorce. Email AnonMetafilter14@gmail.com if you prefer. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 18, 2014 - 2 answers

Should I get back together with my ex-wife?

I could really use some input to help me sort through all of this. At 40 years old, she was having a lesbian affair and asked me to move out. I was devastated. But in hindsight, our marriage wasn't a good one. And I suppose it was just a matter of time before something came along to unravel the whole thing. Now she wants me back. I have no clue how I even feel, much less if I even want to try again. Wall of text inside. [more inside]
posted by normal_guy on Jul 17, 2014 - 37 answers

Breaking up/co-parenting with a difficult person

I've decided to end my relationship with my boyfriend/fiance of nearly 6 years. We have a 3 year old. I've realized I would rather be single/co-parenting than have my child see such an unhappy relationship. My boyfriend is regularly verbally/emotionally abusive to me in front of our child, and has a history of being emotionally withdrawn. For the purpose of this question please assume that we are definitely breaking up and that there is no other option for me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 7, 2014 - 33 answers

The "how" and the "who first"

While my concerns about divorcing my spouse are numerous, there are two in particular that I could really use some advice on. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 3, 2014 - 20 answers

Title: How to deal with a Mortgage but no House after Divorce

*What can be written into the Quit Claim to insure and protect the me from eventually being stuck with the whole mortgage. *Or is there some other standard thing besides a quitclaim that will allow me to fulfill the court's order and will give the wife more protection than just relying on "he shall hold Wife harmless from any liability " since the mortgage company can go after the wife directly. Intro: the Husband is a Military Officer who strategized and schemed not only to divorce but to devastate an unsuspecting wife (me). He abused me for 20 years and has lied to the court many times, without being held accountable. He can be counted on taking whatever actions he is able to continue to do the me harm. He will not voluntarily do the humane, decent thing. [more inside]
posted by lostinspace on Jul 1, 2014 - 15 answers

Marriage in trouble, wife refuses relationship counseling. What next?

My wife Jane and I are in our 40s and have been together for eight years. We got along well for the first few years, but things have been steadily going south since then. In theory, we both want to improve our marriage, but we are not making much progress on our own. I could use some advice. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 21, 2014 - 48 answers

Ex abusing via medical billing

My friend is divorced, ex has custody of the 2 children. Ex is a sociopath who has made screwing up my friend's life one of his main hobbies. Their divorce decree has uncovered medical expenses split 50/50. While this may seem like a usual, reasonable thing, especially since the ex is in the military with very good health insurance and doctors at his large army base, he is starting to use it against her. [more inside]
posted by anon4now on Jun 21, 2014 - 18 answers

How do I get my 6 year old son to sleep in his own bed?

My son has been sleeping in my bed since he was a tiny infant. He's nearly six now. So how can I gently and kindly get him to sleep in his own bed, in his own room? A few more pertinent details follow below. [more inside]
posted by pleasant_confusion on Jun 18, 2014 - 20 answers

Telling our son about the split - when?

My husband and I have decided to seperate. [more inside]
posted by jen14221 on Jun 16, 2014 - 28 answers

Do I owe my ex-wife this money?

3 years after a divorce, my ex-wife is asking for money she'd contributed to our shared bank account. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 28, 2014 - 50 answers

Best practices for divorce household asset inventory?

We're divorcing and in a common property state. I am quite certain that my ex is going to be unhappy once they realizes that household items will be divided equitably. How can we best do this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 10, 2014 - 18 answers

Should I leave my husband?

I married my husband almost a year ago. Prior to that we had been dating 6 months. I am 21. This person is my best friend who saved me from a very dark place in my life. He means a lot to me, and does so much for me. [more inside]
posted by wilywabbit on Apr 24, 2014 - 53 answers

Mommy is moving out

What are some of the better ways to tell a young child that Mom and Dad are splitting? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 23, 2014 - 28 answers

Should I stay or should I go now?

I’m no longer in love with my fiance and I’m not sure how I should proceed. The complicating factor is our children. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 19, 2014 - 28 answers

Parent may have cheated the other out of significant money. What to do?

I think one of my (divorced) parents may have withdrawn legally shared assets and the other parent may be unaware. What is my moral responsibility in this situation, or is it none of my business? Complexities inside. [more inside]
posted by corb on Apr 16, 2014 - 19 answers

Let's see, there's Match, and OKC, right?

A friend was telling me last night that she is ready to start dating again, and thinks that online dating is the way to go, but she has never tried online dating and hasn't the first clue as to how to go about it. [more inside]
posted by vignettist on Apr 11, 2014 - 27 answers

Requesting a tax extension in USA when not sure of filing status

How do I request an extension to file my income taxes when I'm not sure if I will be filing as "married filing jointly" or "married filing separately" and if separately, what deductions/exemptions, if any, I may be entitled to. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2014 - 4 answers

Being a good aunt to kids whose parents are divorcing

How can I be a good aunt to my 13-y-o niece and 14-y-o nephew as their parents split? I want to be someone they can use during this transition. [more inside]
posted by goofyfoot on Apr 1, 2014 - 7 answers

Marital property law in Wisconsin

If anyone here is familiar with marital property laws in Wisconsin, can you tell me if my boyfriend's views are correct? [more inside]
posted by ella wren on Mar 14, 2014 - 10 answers

How do I work out what to do next, without disrespecting my marriage.

Out of nowhere it seems, I’m considering asking my wife for a divorce and I can’t figure out if its because I met someone else I feel I’d really like to get to know or because I’ve realized that we just aren’t meant to be. Or am I just being a douche for even considering throwing away what I’m confident almost anyone would agree is a marriage to a great woman? Sorry for the long story… My wife is a great person – of course – why would you marry someone you didn’t think this about? The list is huge – she’s smart, funny, empathetic, gets me, is very beautiful and will one day I know make a really wonderful mother. I know most would say all of this about their spouse, but even with rational eyes, the above is true. She has bad points too for sure, but no need to list those off as well. We’ve only been married about 18 months, but together for some time before this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 17, 2014 - 58 answers

How do people find money to move out when separating or divorcing?

A asks B for a divorce. B is not surprised. B agrees, even though B would prefer to stay in an unhappy marriage rather than be branded with a scarlet D*. A wants to move out ASAP. Generally speaking, how do the financial logistics of this work? No special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 11, 2014 - 17 answers

Dude, you just have to go

Asking for a friend: How do you get your abusive husband to leave your house after you have filed for divorce? [more inside]
posted by dawkins_7 on Feb 3, 2014 - 26 answers

Can we build on soccermom's great post about platitudes?

This post has things that aren't helpful. What can you say to someone that is bullied or abused that does help the situation or bolster someone's self-confidence?
posted by BlueHorse on Feb 2, 2014 - 21 answers

Platitudes that just make you wanna punch back

I am looking for more phrases and platitudes that people give as advice to someone being bullied or having to deal with a nasty ex. Not actually looking for good advice, just gathering the cliche's to use in an art project. [more inside]
posted by lostinspace on Jan 31, 2014 - 64 answers

Procedural/ethical question that may sound like a relationship question

This is a financial/procedural/ethical question, not a relationship question. My SO and I recently bought a house together. The loan is in SO's name, because we got a better rate that way. SO is therefore the official owner right now. Our verbal agreement upon commencing the search for a house, and what we both decided was fair, was that my name would be added to the deed after we closed. We also talked about what we'd do if we split up, and we agreed that one would buy the other out, or we'd split the money from the sale of the home (minus our individual contributions to the down payment). We've moved in, and in typical fashion, haven't gotten around to the deed bit. Actual question after the jump. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 29, 2014 - 23 answers

Spousal Support & Taxes

My mother receives spousal support from a divorce, but it was as a separate contract between her and her ex-husband, not included in the divorce order. She's been having sobbing fits, unsure if she owes the government taxes this year. [more inside]
posted by iarerach on Jan 22, 2014 - 14 answers

What type of mental health professional do I need?

I'm working on separating from my spouse and need objective help on figuring out how to do this (financially, emotionally, working on co-parenting agreements). What type of mental health (or perhaps legal) help do I need to do this? (Like when I'm choosing from the insurance company dropdown menu or googling for people.) I need more than a mediator, I think.
posted by anonymous on Dec 27, 2013 - 6 answers

How To Get Out

I've been married for ten years. The last four have a been a long downhill slide. I have to end it. Do I give him notice or just go and deal with the aftermath? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 22, 2013 - 22 answers

How do I get a rough estimate of alimony in my upcoming divorce?

My wife and I are splitting up relatively amicably in the state of California. We'd both like to avoid a legal fight over money and income, but after some requests of hers that seem a little unreasonable, I'd like to get an assessment of how our income would roughly split up if we *did* go the legal route. Still, I'd rather avoid paying hundreds of dollars to a lawyer to figure that out. Is there some cheap way to get an extremely rough assessment of alimony? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2013 - 17 answers

SSRIs and the end of romantic love

Four months after my husband went on Lexapro, I could see it in his face that he didn't love me anymore. At seven months, he asked to separate after four years of marriage. After finding this article online, I'm curious as to whether others have had similar experiences. Have you or your spouse experienced a decline in attachment/romantic love after starting an SSRI? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2013 - 71 answers

How and where do I go about starting the divorce process?

I'm not yet sure I want to go that route, but I want to be informed and prepared just in case. Kids grew up expatriate, spouse recently moved them back without informing me or asking my permission, spouse has no job (supported by spouse's parent). I'm reading online that if there's a divorce and I act early, I'm more likely to get full (or at least fuller) custody. But where do I file? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 1, 2013 - 11 answers

Can father be legally required or encouraged to improve housing?

Asking for a friend. She is wondering if anything can be done to get her ex-husband to move into larger accommodations and stop sharing a bed with her protesting children. [more inside]
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats on Nov 24, 2013 - 38 answers

Considering divorce... or depression

Married almost 3 years, together for over 4 years. My husband is a funny, arrogant genius, and when I first met him he was very kind to me. Right after we got married, things changed... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 24, 2013 - 52 answers

Buy her out or sell it?

My wife and I are getting divorced, and I'm trying to figure out what to do with the marital home. We have a lot of equity in the place, but also have a not-insignificant amount of joint debt. Equity is probably between $130-$150k. Around $60k other debt (two cars, small credit card, student loans). Help me consider the pros/cons of buying her out of the house (through a cash-out refi) and selling the place. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 11, 2013 - 15 answers

What kind of divorce support is available in Massachusetts

Asking for a friend. She has decided to divorce her husband after 21 years of marriage. Her lawyer has said that, although he makes six figures annually, because he is retirement age and has many debts, she is not entitled to very much. Apparently she can't get any alimony nor money from the retirement account, and she doesn't have rights to the house. They are in Massachusetts. [more inside]
posted by stinker on Nov 10, 2013 - 7 answers

Yes, they both need lawyers, but

This is for a friend: Bankruptcy first or Divorce first? [more inside]
posted by ctmf on Nov 9, 2013 - 12 answers

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