Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with distance

Long Distance Divorced Parents Dating Successfully?

Anonymous — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:20:33 -0800

Long distance dating between 2 single parents possible? I'm asking for my sister (who doesn't know I'm asking) because I want her to be happy but don't know if these relationships ever really work. She recently reconnected with an old friend (she says there was definite dating interest 15 years ago but it never went anywhere) a few months ago and since then they've been emailing and texting almost every day. They each have two kids, mid-teens and have both been divorced for about 5 years. She hasn't dated much since the divorce (busy with the kids, little interest). Neither has he, according to what he tells her. He writes that he enjoys speaking with her and she asked him if he thought it would be a good idea if she came to his town and their kids could hang out (my sister is pretty cagey and scared about rejection, obviously). He responded she should come and they could dump the kids and have their own playdate, which she thought was nice. I don't want her getting hurt; she's my sis. So collective wisdom, can this type of relationship between divorced parents about a 3 hour drive away from each other work out well?

How far should I walk my dog?

mola — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:09:54 -0800

How far should I walk my dog? He is a hound mix, 1-year-old, essentially full-grown at about 50 pounds.

Creating a Map Based on Distances Between Cities

Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:03:51 -0800

Mapping question: I have a list of (imaginary) cities. I also know each city's as-the-crow-flies distance from every other city on the list. Based on this data alone, I would like to create a (hypothetical) map that shows all of these cities in their proper locations. I recognize that that the map's "rotation" would be arbitrary based on where & how you start plotting, but it seems that you should be able to plot out the relationships between cities properly. Is there software that can help me do this? To be a little more concrete, imagine that you have a mileage chart similar to this one. (That chart contains driving distances, but let's assume we have as-the-crow-flies distances instead.) If you pick an arbitrary starting point for one city, you can then plot out where every other city belongs, because you know how far each city is supposed to be from all the other cities.

I can envision at least one simple way to do this manually if you have just a handful of cities. But if you have a lot of cities, it becomes harder and harder. So I'd love to know if there is software that can calculate and draw such a map automatically. (Note: Using latitude/longitude is not an option - the scenario only involves knowing as-the-crow-flies distances between imaginary cities.) Thanks!

Long Distance Love Affair

Anonymous — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:10:55 -0800

several years ago I met a man and we had a brief relationship. We've maintained a friendship through other relationships. We have both always been honest about our attraction to each other but live a few hours drive away from each other. Recently my circumstances changed and as it happens we are both available. We both are interested in seeing each other and he said he'd be willing to move as an eventuality if things work out. As it stands with our jobs it works out so that technically we could see one another twice a month if we wanted to. I have a few questions for the hive, what are ways people in a long distance relationship can stay close, Has anyone out there had a successful transition after moving in together, and has anyone not tried and regretted it? We've both been hurt and we have an amazing friendship. He as always been more open to a relationship than I have. I feel I'm a realist he feels like I'm afraid to take a chance. It is true I am uncomfortable with losing control and our relationship is very intense. I have to be honest and say that I have always loved him but I'm afraid one of us will get hurt.

Online romance makeing me feel nervous, advice please?

audio — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 01:10:02 -0800

I'm involved in an internet romance that is takeing a major toll on my direction in life and frankly makeing me feel nervous. I need advice in regards to how to be realistic with this relationship. I am 21 and this boy I am involved with is 22. We met on MySpace through a mutual friend nearly two years ago. Since then we have kept up alot of correspondence by talking on a skype video chat nearly daily.

He lives in California, USA. I live in Alberta, Canada. He is proposeing that I make a trip after I graduate college to see him this fall.

Since I will be fresh out of school, this will require all my remaining funds leaveing me broke. I'd probably only be able to stay maxium two weeks then I'd have to return back to Canada and look for work and save up to return again (if I choose to).

We have been talking about me trying to move there instead of just visiting, since that amount of time probably wont be long enough for us. We're talked about trying to find me a job while I'm there so that I can actually stay. I will be a certified Network Administrator, and though I have a decent resume I predict that it will be somewhat of a hell to find a job and get a work visa.

Just a couple random facts:

- I'm pretty much in love with the guy but I have never physically met him in real life.
- We have always got along and my r/l friends are mutal friends with him and know him as a decent person.
- I never wanted to live in California, I'm not much of a city type person.
- He's never offered me a place to stay/move in with him because he just crashes at friends places as hes currently "homeless".
- He's never offered to support me in any way, as he makes an income but it isn't sufficient to support two people.
- He is a musician that is signed to a major record label and making his way in the industry. There is no way he can move from California without giving up his entire career.
- My parents are retired out in Arizona so worse case I have a place to fall back to.
- He's never been able to visit me in Canada because of his kind of work.

My question to Metafilter is,

- How can we make compromises so that both of us are happy with this arrangement?
- Are we moving too fast and if so what is the right way to progress with this relation?
- Are we getting ahead of our self? am I setting myself up for failure?

I really like this guy and I want to see this relationship work out, I'm sure he does too...but we are young and don't really know what the next best thing to do is. Thanks.

Sheerr Pool lane distances

ootsocsid — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 11:55:02 -0800

How long is each segment of Sheerr Pool at the University of Pennsylvania? I've been swimming at Sheerr Pool at Penn for the last few weeks, and I'm a little confused about the distances. The pool is a 50-meter pool with a bulkhead in the middle separating each lane into two shorter lanes of a little less than half that distance. The pool website describes the pool as a "50 meter competitive pool with bulkhead for separate aquatic activity spaces, including a 25 yard instructional pool with ramp and stair entrance."

So one side is probably 25 yards, but what about the other? They can't both be 25 yards, because the bulkhead is only a few feet wide, but it would have to be about 4.7 yards wide to make up the distance between 50 meters and 50 yards. So is one side 25 yards and the other 25 meters? If so, which is which?

(I asked the lifeguard today, but he didn't know).

Do I tell my ex how I feel?

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 18:33:02 -0800

My ex-boyfriend is moving out of the state and things feel unresolved. I don't want to regret not expressing my thoughts, but am worried my unloading on him pre-move is unfair. He broke up with me a year ago (after being together for over three) and while we both dated other people afterwards (me much more seriously than him), there's still a lot of things that were never worked out in terms of what happened. At the time, we were on a short break, in which I moved out. After a couple of weeks, he couldn't do it anymore but wasn't ready to get back together either, so he broke up with me. We've talked and seen one another about half a dozen times and email occasionally. He admits he still loves me.

We are one another's first loves. I'm 30, he's 29. I'm not sure if I just don't know how to deal with being broken up with when I'm still in love with that person, or if I should be making a last ditch effort to see if it could work.

The biggest problem is that he's moving very soon and could potentially start dating a girl he's been talking to that lives where he's going. (He told me about her, though seemed to come up with excuses that made it sound pretty casual). He's also said many times that he'd most likely not be out there more than a year.

I'm at a loss. I don't know if I should keep my mouth shut or spill my guts. I accept that he's leaving, I guess I just want to know if we have a chance sometime in the future.

How to deal when there's been more time away than together

Anonymous — Fri, 29 May 2009 11:36:59 -0800

LongDistanceRelationship-Filter: Met, fell in love, knew she had to leave the whole time, now what to do? (long, complicated explanation to follow) I know this question has been asked a million times on here, but it's always nicer to get a little more personalized advice.

I'm a male in my mid-20's. I met a girl in her early-20's a couple of months ago. We pretty much instantly connected and soon found ourselves spending more and more time together. It went from a couple of dates the first week, to three or four the next week, to almost everyday with each other. About 4 weeks in, she professed that she was falling in love with me, and I knew that I felt the same.

Here's the hard part: I knew when I met her that she was leaving soon. She was just finishing up college and was planning to move back to her home state on the other side of the country. Also, she would be starting a new job a few months after that would be placing her in a different location, which she would only find out in a month or two before beginning work.

After we realized that we wanted to stay together, it was concluded that I'd come visit her sometime in the next two months, and then see if we could survive the long distance thing. When she found out where exactly she'll be placed, I'd see when I could maybe come and join her in her new location. It's going to be mostly a "let's see if this can work" type of situation.

I know that both of us didn't plan on this (falling in love) happening. She was looking for some simple companionship when we met, and I was looking for about the same. We each think that the other is worth the hardships that we know come with long distance relationships, and are willing to try as hard as we can to make it work.

There are some things that worry me about this situation. First, it's weird to have this strong love feeling after such a short time. It'll be even stranger when we'll have been apart from each other for longer than we've spent together. I hope neither of us gets too frightened by this fact in the coming months. Second, I've learned that she had just gotten out of a two-year LDR only a month before meeting me. I've told her it concerned me that I was just a rebound relationship for her, but she adamantly says she was completely over that relationship when it ended and that she'd have fallen in love with me no matter when we met. Third, I hope that neither of us felt pressured to act drastically because we knew of the impending separation, that we aren't forcing the LDR or the commitment to each other (or the profession of love) because of a heavy attraction and an upcoming terminal point.

She left today. I, of course, am incredibly saddened by this, but am hopeful that we can keep this going. She's extremely special to me even after only a short time, and we both have very similar lifelong goals and outlooks. I can see myself with her for a long time, which is strange because I've been more or less a commitment-phobe all of my adult life. Point blank, I want to make this work.

What I'm looking for is advice about these concerns, and also on ways I can improve the chances of this lasting. I know most of the things I'm worried about are things that can't be helped (changes in mentalities, her being young and on the cusp of fairly radical life changes, etc.). I know with these things that they'll either work out or won't, but it still isn't comforting me at all. How can I deal with my worries, and how can I help the LDR work so I can eventually get back to this amazing girl? Thank you so much for your advice.

Throwaway email: mefi.questions@gmail.com

Please make me a better letter writer!

SkylitDrawl — Sat, 16 May 2009 20:02:04 -0800

My partner and I have broken up because of a move but have decided to correspond with one another through handwritten letters. Please help me be a better letter writer! For the first time in my life, I am sending handwritten letters through the mail. My partner is graduating from the school we attend together and is moving across the state from me for work. Neither of us really dig the idea of committed long distance relationships, so we have decided to break up. In a year, I may move to join him in the city he will be working in, but I don't really know for sure. I feel like a year is a really long time, and I know that a lot could change in that time. However, in the year between now and then, we intend to correspond with each other via handwritten letters. Neither of us are fans of the phone, IMing seems very ordinary and like what simple friends would do. We both love to receive mail but never get letters and it seems like a very romantic idea, so we've gone for it wholeheartedly.

Despite the break up and the move, I still really care very deeply for this man. I think he cares similarly for me. These letters are the main way that I communicate with him now, so making sure they are of high quality is important to me. I tend to send him a letter per week and letter writing has been very fun for me so far. However, I can't help but think that I could make these letters and packages a little... better? More interesting? His letters come with fantastic doodles in the margins. I can't draw anything beyond stick figures, so similar doodling is out. What sort of fun items can I include in my letters and packages that would make them feel more heartfelt or interesting? What I'm thinking of is along the lines of suggestions of fun, simple items that I could find in the course of my weekly life, or really cheap things that I could buy over the Internet (little things off etsy could work here - vintage postcards, maybe?) that I could include in my letters to make him smile and perhaps keep me in his memory throughout the day. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Also, I have heard that it is possible to create a wax seal out of crayons. I have lots of old crayons in almost every color imaginable and I know he would get a real kick out of a handmade crayon wax seal. Does anyone know how to do this? Help would be much appreciated.

Leaving.

Anonymous — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:56:20 -0800

I'm graduating. I'm leaving my girlfriend and will be far away from her, and we both don't have the option to be close for the next two years. Hence, it's ending. Any advice for feeling better? It varies recently... we decided about a week ago that it makes sense to break up when I leave. She's going abroad (the other side of the planet) next semester, and I have a job a few hours from school. She's a sophomore, and we've been dating for a semester, and it's the best we've ever experienced, happy and healthy and fun. I love her, not in the tragic Romeo&J sense, or in the must-marry sense (I hate those sense), but in the this-is-a-person-I-love sense.

But we're going our ways, and it makes sense to go those ways and remember this as a wonderful time instead of hanging on and this possibly becoming one of those strained relationships that flickers out. I think in a year I might look back and say it's the right decision, but it's damn hard to think right now.

I'd like to tell her that, in two years, if she's in the area and would like, we could get tea or something. Is that a bad idea?

I feel okay recently when I'm with her or with friends, but alone I start to feel apocalyptic. I hate that we're already talking about 'our relationship' in the past tense.

Part of asking this is just in the asking, but please, I'd appreciate any words of wisdom in this situation. I know that the rest of my life won't be tragic and terrible, but leaving the best relationship behind as well as lots of other friendships (and constantly being reassured that since I have a high-paying job, I should be happy) is killing me a little.

Thanks.

Well worth it or just a waste of time?

afabulousbeing — Thu, 07 May 2009 11:36:11 -0800

Will taking the saying "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" too seriously lead a person to self-sabotage, specifically when they know the affair is doomed from the start? Okay, I'm seeing two men. One is showing clear signs of interest, strikes me as completely adorable and is even-keeled personality-wise. I've been dating him for a few weeks, and both his behavior and words suggest that he's interested in a serious relationship. Then there's him. The other guy. He's like no one I've ever met - brilliant, complex, deeply spiritual, artistic, expressive, etc. We've professed mutual intense feelings for each other during the past month over email and during a handful of meetings. There are a few problems however. He just so happens to be moving across the country in a month and is currently too overwhelmed with his work responsibilities to spend much time with me. It's my private opinion that he could feasibly find 20 minutes to a half hour per day, at the very least, to spend with me if he really wanted to, but I recognize that it also makes little sense for us to pursue something that's already set to end.

I don't know that I'm actually in love with him or that I will ever be, but I've also never been sexually involved with someone I was in love with before - the great tragedy of my life, you could say. The thing is, because I was so excited about him and everything that he represented, I already purchased a roundtrip plane ticket (per his request) to the city he'll be moving to. The plan is that I will go stay with him for a week or so, during which time we will presumably spend much time alone together.

This returns me finally to the first guy I mentioned. He's not going anywhere and I suspect that I'm legitimately beginning to like him, but if things progress I'm unsure what to do about my planned rendevous with the other guy who's so inspired me. Furthermore, if I do end up going and then find myself falling in love during my visit, is it okay? Should I allow it to happen? Is there anything good to be said about something so temporary?

Driving times between destinations in Tanzania?

cookie googleman — Tue, 05 May 2009 13:27:11 -0800

Driving times between destinations in Tanzania? I'm trying to figure out how many hours it takes to drive between the following destinations in Tanzania:

Moshi to Arusha
Arusha to Lake Manyara
Arusha to Ngorogoro Crater
Ngorogoro Crater to Lake Manyara
Ngorogoro Crater to Serengeti National Park
Serengeti National Park to Arusha

Any help would be much appreciated.

How to curb the degree of loneliness?

LilSoulBrother85 — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 06:55:00 -0800

What to do when the degree of lonliness is too much? I am in a long distance relationship which is starting to get to me. I'm trying to make friends here but it's very hard to do in the DC metro area. Do you guys have any suggestion in keeping one occupied? I am gay male in a long distance relationship with a boyfriend. He lives in the west coast and I live in the east coast which makes calling each other a pain the behind.

He left November 2008 and I was strong until late January 2009. His absent started to get to me and made the weekends frustratingly lonely.

I've met one person online as friends but it did not work out because of conflicting world views. I met another person recently through CL and he seems like a nice person. However, he has lived here all his life and has more friends and obligations.

Also, I've befriended my roommate (I live with three other people) and his girlfriend, but I tread carefully not to be their third wheel.

Basically, I'm at the point of frustration of the rut I'm in. I don't want to appear desperate, but at the same time I don't want act like I don't need company. My boyfriend is constantly worried about me which I wish he wouldn't because he has a tough work schedule.

Taking a "break".

Anonymous — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 07:22:05 -0800

[relationship filter] How to manage a "break"/"open relationship"? I met my girlfriend during senior year in college (fall of '07) while she was a sophomore. For both of us, it was our first serious relationship--I was a virgin before we met, and she had only been with a few guys before (but never in any sort of established relationship). After I graduated, she spent the summer in my home city (summer '08, in a separate apartment)--it was great, we spent nearly every evening together after working our separate jobs, and spent the weekends showing her around my hometown.

At the end of the summer, we decided we would try out a long-distance arrangement, as I was entering law school in a town about 1000 miles away from my alma mater where she would still be a junior. We managed to see each other about every 5 weeks after august of this past year. It was obviously frustrating at times since we remained exclusive, but we both felt committed enough to want to keep our relationship going. For me, this arrangement was great, as I had little time away from the books and didn't need the distraction of being single and on the prowl.

We spent last week together in her hometown, and decided at the end to take "a break". She's going abroad to europe, while I'll be in my second semester of law school. At this point, neither of us is prepared to get married, but we've also sort of hit a brick wall as far as commitment. Everything about our relationship works great--we've never had a fight in our 13 months together, we have great chemistry, same values, enjoy each other's families--we very easily could be a happily married couple one day. The only problem is our geographic separation for the next few years (unless i transfer law schools for next fall) and the fact that she's still in college, while I'm buckling down in law school.

I want her to have a full experience abroad without feeling tied down. She knows that I've had some minor issues with the (small) discrepancy in our previous sexual partners--my 0 to her 2 or 3. We mutually agreed on taking this break--we both came into the conversation with simmilar ideas--but both are uncomfortable with its implications despite the fact that we both feel its what's best for now. Given our relative inexperience in relationships, our age and our respective places in life, neither of us feels ready for marriage. We both agree that we need this space as an opportunity to figure out what it is we want moving forward.

Are we making the right decision here in giving each other some space given our circumstances? We both are very much still in love with each other, but feel unable to move forward. We both intend on keeping in close communication while she's abroad, but will operate under a "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding whatever we're doing outside of our relationship. We can see each other at the end of may at the earliest if we intend to keep things going, but will not likely be able to spend the summer together (I'll likely be working again in my home city, she's understandably reluctant to return for a second summer in my city wanting to be back in her own). After that, I can try transferring in the fall to my undergrad alma mater's law school, but this is in no way a for sure option.

can we make this work?

Long distance marriage troubles

midwestguy — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 12:31:21 -0800

My long distance marriage is starting to crumble. I don't know what to do. Any comments would be of assistance. Long story inside Ok, let me try to boil this down to the essentials. I'm 42. I got divorced, and then remarried to a woman I had met online. She lives half the country away from me (i'm in the midwest, she is on the west coast). Prior to the marriage, the plan was that she would live with me from spring to fall, and when it got cold out, she would stay with family out west. She has never lived in the cold, and doesn't want to start now. The length of time she has stayed with me has varied, and this past summer she stayed with me for two months (that is the longest in 6 years worth of dating and marriage). I can't move west becasue I have two children in middle school/elementary, and I don't feel like I could be a father to them from that distance. My wife works part time, while in California. I work full time.

She has said on many occasions that she doesn't think I take care of her enough, and that she feels like she rates below my kids, since I live near them, and not near her. She has one son of her own that lives in the same state as I am in, but she is not close to him (he lives with her ex). I'd love to take care of her, but since she won't come live with me, it is difficult to do from a distance. I call her several times a day, and we talk for several hours each night. I stay up late to talk to her in the evening.

I fly out to see her every month to 6 weeks when she is not staying with me (about 9 times a year). A typical stay is 3-5 days. This is pretty much the limit of how much time I can take off and is all (and then some) that my budget can afford.

Last night, things kind of hit the fan. She is in a stressful situation with the health of some family members. When I talked to her last night, she was clearly spoiling for a fight, and was working at pushing my buttons (example: she said she feels alone, and I told her I did too, and that I missed her very much. she answered that I seemed to be just fine).

As things progressed, I told her that I felt she was starting to be insulting (she says things like "while she was here, the only thing she liked at all in two months was seeing me", and that she hates having my kids around as much as they are).

I said I was sorry she had so much hate for here, and for my kids, etc. Her reply was that she didn't hate my kids, she hated me with my kids. I was very offended and told her to Fuck off and hung up the phone. Not a very mature response to be sure, but this has come up many times before. She thinks a dad should not be active in his kids' life, and that seeing them at Xmas and in the summer would be enough (and that I should live out west and visit them that way).

She followed up with an email saying "how dare I be so cold when she is stressed out over her family members health, and a real man would be taking care of his wife".

To sum up a long long sordid tale, the smart, funny, beautiful woman I married and whom I love very much is full of anger because I won't move away from my kids. she won't move away from warm weather (and likes to be near her folks). The stress over time is shaking us apart. Please, me-fites, I could really use some advice.

Bad timing. Chance of getting back together with my first love?

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:18:01 -0800

Sigh* here goes fellow MeFi(ers). It's time for another backstory, thank you in advance for your patience. You guys are the best. So my girlfriend of a little over 2 years just broke up with me. The first year we were in college together, the second year I graduated and she was still in school. We were long distance for about 200miles. Surprisingly, that long distance worked because we got to see each other almost every other weekend. Now however, I moved to the other side of the country (3000miles apart) for wanting a career change. My move coincided with her becoming a senior in college. We made sure to keep a goal that once she graduated (1year) we would finally be reunited again. Prior to my move we had a discussion and we were very serious about staying together. This is when things got harder than normal because we would only see each other 5-6weeks. In general, she's a very emotional person and her feelings tend to follow a pattern of drifting away the weeks we're apart. (She grew up with family issues of neglect and add to the fact she dated really bad boyfriends in her past) She would randomly lose all feelings for me and not understand why. On top of all this, she's currently a senior in college and has NEVER been so busy in her entire life. The combination of her school work load and school club responsibilities she's been extremely stressed out lately.

The good news was that every time we would see each other she would feel better and things would return to normal. But then we'd separate again and she'd begin to lose feelings for me again. One day (last time we physically saw each other was 5weeks ago) she finally made the decision to break up with me. When I asked why, main reason being she lost feelings for me and she's tired of constantly trying to fight it. We saw each other 2-3 days after the breakup (due to a previously purchased and scheduled plane ticket) at the end of the trip she said her feelings didn't come back. I tried explaining that this would pass like all the other times it has passed. But she didn't want to keep fighting and trying anymore.

So here are my real question(s)! I know I have to let her go. If she doesn't want me anymore there's not much I can do. Has anyone been in a similar situation where you felt like stress and distance ended the relationship? and not so much of actual problems with the relationship itself. Granted, we weren't a perfect couple and we had our own relationship problems. But nothing of the type that would end it. Once she graduates she will most likely move to the city I am living (not because of me, but because she always wanted to). I keep hoping and believing we will get back together because she'll finally be away from all the crazy stress and we can be physically close again. Am i being stupid and postbreakup emotional here? Am i holding onto false hope? She's going to graduate in 6months. No matter what, I know I have to expect the worst. We may never reunite. It just hurts and I feel like the stress of her circumstances brought about a decision she will later regret. So I'm holding onto some hope.

Also, does anyone else have stories of couples reuniting after a break? THANK YOU all for your patience.

Military Range Card

furtive — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 09:46:20 -0800

PseudoMilitaryFilter: Looking for a pdf of a range card, the kind you used to fill out while sitting in your trench, OP or whatever. So far the best I've found is this one (pdf), it's great but I'd like one that takes a full 8 1/2" x 11" sheet of paper, or something like this British one.

Why? My living room window has a view of a half dozen mountains in a national park, a copse of woods, dead ground, a railroad and other interesting features. I've spotted mountain sheep 2,800m away without even needing to resort to binoculars! I figured it would be a fun idea to map out a proper range card for when guests come over.

How can I help my best friend?

Carillon — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 11:03:01 -0800

My best friend just went through a shitty breakup, how can I help her from another country? I am studying abroad for the quarter, and my best friend jsut went through a shitty breakup. I am looking for ways to help her out and make sure she is ok from another country. Is there anything you think I could do from Europe to make this American girl feel better?

Best Distance Learning schools with Computer Science degree programs?

premo — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 02:07:57 -0800

Best Distance Learning Universities with Computer Science degree programs? Any recommendations appreciated! I've been considering going to Troy University for my BA in Computer Science. Are there any other competitors that I should be looking at?

I've been to University of Phoenix and they are awful, high priced and don't care about their students at all. I'm 27 and need a school that I can complete entirely online. My main objective is to find a school that is well received and will be enjoyable, price and difficulty aren't as important to me as the caliber of teachers and or program is.

Thanks so much.

Free tuition? Nah...

Anonymous — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 19:59:38 -0800

How do I best explain to my employer, a prestigious & expensive American Ivy League school, that I won't be taking advantage of the incomparable tuition discount and will instead finish my masters with a small-but-well-regarded British polytechnic? I love my job! I raise money for a living and have done so for about three years. This job is perfect for the kind of stewardship training I need to back up the direct mail and internet giving experience I already have.

One of the reasons I decided to do my MA with a British school is that I can't transfer the credits I already have to a program where I work. A university there offered to let me finish my dissertation with them so long as I come for one week of discussion and then come when it is reviewed to make a defense. This is reasonable, the school has a sterling reputation in the field I was in when I learned fundraising, and I have already done all of the coursework leading up to the dissertation - so the process will be vetted all the way through for irregularities and I will be in constant contact with an adviser.

My boss has been hounding me not to start a degree yet. She thinks classes and work will be a strain. I heartily agree and want to tell her I have found other options. But I worry she will misconstrue it to mean I am looking another job or will soon go back into my previous industry. This isn't the case.

Please help me make that crystal clear to her and this university.

Distant Education Recommendations? (esp ones that offer IT BA Programs)

premo — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:07:18 -0800

Distant Education Recommendations? (esp ones that offer IT BA Programs) I'm looking for any distance education that has teachers, councilors and staff that CARE. A program new or old that is high tech and streaming video feed of lectures would be nice. If you received some distance education that is worth mentioning and you've enjoyed it or even better you've done 2 different schools online. PLEASE LET ME KNOW! Thanks. About ME:
I'm 27 working professional in SF, CA and looking to further my career in IT or Computer Science. My work pays for $5K annually for any educational purposes, I can afford maybe 7-8K annually without looking into loans. Low cost would be nice.

I've been to University of Phoenix and it was horrible. In 1 years time I had 6 different councilors and there's so much turmoil behind the scenes that it negatively affects the whole school. Plus its EXPENSIVE.

Sibling Rivalry

rglass — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 17:47:26 -0800

Have you regretted cutting off your siblings? If you have cut off your siblings or put a significant amount of distance between you and them, have you regretted it? What are the consequences of having a lack of a relationship with siblings through your adult years?

I'm confused why my girlfriend has so suddenly lost all feelings for me?

HBomb — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:31:15 -0800

Girlfriend has suddenly lost all feelings for me and doesn't know why. We've been dating for 2years (I'm 23, she's 21) and she recently called the day before my birthday to tell me that she's suddenly lost all feelings for me. We've been in a long distance for about a year now and we call each other everyday. I respect her and treat her very well.

She's even told me she doesn't know where it's coming from or why and she's equally frustrated as I am about it. (I know she's not cheating on me) She's had similar feelings in the past and they usually go away after a day. But this time it's been going on for 3 days.

I just don't know what to do, it's frustrating to the both of us. Has anyone else had similar situations? How did you get through it? Why does this happen? I know we're in a long distance relationship but com'on, to suddenly lose all feelings in one day for NO reason?

How to cluster when dealing with more than one factor?

Blazecock Pileon — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 02:07:40 -0800

How to cluster when dealing with more than one factor? Let's say I have 100 observations of X, each of length n, with two factors:

1 a_X₁ b_X₁
2 a_X₁ b_X₂
...
n a_X_n b_X_n

1 a_X₁ b_X₁
2 a_X₁ b_X₂
...
n a_X_n b_X_n

(...100 of these guys)

Let's say I have 200 observations of Y, each of length n, with two factors:

1 a_Y₁ b_Y₁
2 a_Y₁ b_Y₂
...
n a_Y_n b_Y_n

1 a_Y₁ b_Y₁
2 a_Y₁ b_Y₂
...
n a_Y_n b_Y_n

(...200 of these guys)

I'd like to calculate the correlation (distance) between X and Y, so that I can cluster them. The two factors may have differing levels of dependence from 1...n.

Is there a general approach for reducing X and Y in such a way that I can cluster them?

Flexible careers?

btkuhn — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 19:25:25 -0800

Do you have a career that allows a great deal of flexibility? What is it? How do you get it? After a year in the real workforce, I've come to realize that I dread having to be at work 5 days a week. I actually don't mind the work, I just hate having to do it at a proscribed time and place every day. Occasionally I read questions on askmefi or other places from people saying basically, I can do my work from anywhere in the world, where should I live? I imagine that many of these are computer and web-related jobs, but I'm sure there are other paths that allow this flexibility.

So my question is, do you work in a field that allows a great deal of flexibility? What do you do, and how did you get there? This is pretty open-ended - it can mean the ability to telecommute 1-2 days a week, working long hours some days in exchange for more days off, or the ability to work completely remotely. For instance, I know a nurse who works 12 hour shifts, but only 3 days a week, and another guy who is in the office every Monday and Tuesday, but can work from home, whenever he wants, the rest of the time. There's no way an arrangement like either of these would work in my job, in investment banking. What career paths should I look into that will allow this flexibility? And, just as importantly, what type of educational program should I look into to get started, assuming I have a standard BS degree?

Thanks!