Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with discussion

How to tell children about death book suggestions for a single dad

spec80 — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 05:15:12 -0800

A friend's father passed away suddenly and he is having difficulty formulating a way to tell his daughter. What books would you recommend? I have no experience with the death of a parent or being a parent. I don't know how to help other than lending a sympathetic ear.

Friend was pretty close with his dad and is using work to distract himself. He is a single dad and his two daughters live with their mom. He is concerned about how to tell his eldest daughter (ten years old) and help her cope/mourn because she knew and had a close relationship with her grandfather. She is aware of the concept of death and knows people that have died, but Friend says she's never had a relationship with those people. (Her mother lives in an area of NYC where violence is still prevalent.)

I searched previous questions and I am thinking of printing out this thread and maybe getting this book? Googling gives an overwhelming result and I was hoping someone could personally suggest a book. I cannot give a website, only printouts of a website because they don't have an internet/computer at home. Daughter might have access to one at school, but I am presuming.

Ye Olde Interwebs Discussion Board

cachondeo45 — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:29:25 -0800

I need a community board or webblog similar to this one that can accommodate multiple threads and discussions for the non-technologically savvy folks in an organization. Basically, an organization for which I serve on the advisory board currently handles all of its affairs through email. We often have three or four points of discussion open at the same time, and the emails get tangled and disorganized. But after suggesting a board or something to that effect, several people objected saying that they wouldn't check it if it were password protected; they didn't want to have to log in and remember another password. I guess I'm looking for something that's really user-friendly where people can see the posts if they have the URL but don't have to log in unless they want to post something but by the same token, the content of these communications is confidential, so I don't really want it floating around there on the web. Suggestions? And we have a limited budget (non-profit ) - we would need something cheap or free.

Also, if you can point me to any examples already out there that would serve as an example, that would be great too.

How to Initiate "Operation: Disambiguate"

Anonymous — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:11:34 -0800

So, this dude has been sending me extremely mixed and just plain weird signals for awhile. I've decided to get to the bottom of this. Problem: I'm hella awkward. Help me start this conversation, MeFi! For the past two and a half months or so, I’ve had an odd relationship with this one special dude. For various reasons, we see each other a lot (I’m a queer guy in college, for context), and our interactions with each other have been oscillating between blasé casual friendship and hyper-engagement with me for multiple hours. At times, I could swear he was flirting with me, which I had taken as a fairly probable signal for romantic-sexual interest, as I rarely think anyone is flirting with me, even if they in fact are. However, the disconcerting disconnect between the two sets of moods—combined with my own passive nature—led me to be really confused as to whether I should try to pursue anything further. (Obviously, I’m very interested, or else I wouldn’t be making this post!) One night when we’re up late working, though, he mentions that he “may as well” talk to a boy who he later identifies as his boyfriend, who is abroad far, far away. Weird, I think, for him not to mention a boyfriend when we see each other regularly, but my thought is that I must surely have been reading things incorrectly, as, duh, he’s taken and probably not actually interested in me. “Well, that sucks!” I think, and go back to my collegiate life.

The weirdness (or, at least, my perceived weirdness) doesn’t cease, though. At one party, he makes a big deal out of talking about his boyfriend in the past tense for about five minutes, then half-heartedly corrects himself into the present. At another recent party he invited me to, he did this strange thing where he would come up to me, start talking for a bit, retreat to the corner (talking to nobody), and then coming back up and talking to me again before restarting the cycle. This was apparently so noticeable that my friends there all noticed it as well, coming up to me to offer their own statements of confusion while I stood there, boggled with a drink in my hand. More importantly, at a party I invited him to in turn he takes me aside at the end, and pulls out some small cultural artifacts from his trip abroad this last semester, and hands them to me as a gift. (I had referenced them in a really, really passing verbal communication that I can’t even recall the context of now.) “These are my last [artifacts from my abroad trip.] I wanted you to have them,” he says before his friends drag him home. Today, he barely acknowledges my presence. lolwhut?

WTF WTF WTF. I’m stumped—my friends are stumped—it’s very possible that God himself is stumped. I’m still feeling like I’m getting mixed—and just kinda strange—signals. Most importantly, all this nonsense I've been putting myself through with regards to trying to analyze each individual unit of information, change of mood, gesture, et cetera has been driving me nuts, and I’ve decided it’s time to finally break out of my typical passivity and have a conversation with him directly addressing some of the questions I have. I wish I had just come out in one of these previous situations and just recognized the elephant in the room, but the best I can do at this stage is address it as soon as possible, probably as soon as we get back from the Thanksgiving holiday. It’ll suck if the answer isn’t what I want, but at least I’ll have an answer that I can process and move the hell on from, rather than keeping my psyche in this constant, vigilant holding pattern. I’m pessimistic, but want a consolidated reality rather than a gazillion possible realities.

The Question, Restated: However, this is so out of my comfort realm that I have near-literally no clue of how to go about this. How do you begin this sort of conversation? An e-mail message… what do I say, how do I preface it? All I can think of is, "Hi, we need to talk," and that just sounds awful and confrontational.

And, say, I get him down talking (in-person's the only way to go for the actual discussion, I realize)… what are some acceptable ways to go about this? Especially if this somehow all ends up being from my end and not from his, I don’t want to make things totally awkward and awful for him. In my mind, I’m thinking something like: “Hi, [dude,] so for awhile now I feel as though I've been receiving some messages that you may be attracted to me, but at other times I have not. I don't mean to accuse you of doing one or the other, but I just wanted to know how you actually feel, so I can figure out what's going on.” Does this sound OK? Could I say anything better? Is that laying it on too heavy, or sounding too accusatory? My main interest, after all, is just figuring things out in a way that can be best for everyone's emotions involved—I don't want to deal in any nonsense about him "leading me on" if that's the case, I just want to disambiguate the situation and move on from there. Does anyone have any experiences with this sort of thing that they could share?

It's a big step for me, personally, to even think about having this kind of awkward conversation with someone, and I'd really appreciate the advice on how to go about doing it, because I'm determined to do it. Thanks so much, MeFi!

Help me find an intelligent soccer forum

deern the headlice — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:17:15 -0800

What comes the closest to being "the Metafilter of football/soccer"? You might remember I asked awhile back about about keeping up with games - thanks again for the answers. I've got a good list of news sources, but nowadays I mainly want to find decent interactive discussions...

I've got plenty of the obvious news sources to check for EPL and La Liga games (Guardian, ESPN, Football365, etc), but I'm curious about forums. All the ones I've found seem to be populated with high school kids or just really bad writers. I would love some funny, smart, substantial, balanced dicussions without silly meltdowns.

Thanks in advance!

Looking for fellow marketeers

OctopusRex — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 08:46:27 -0800

Intelligent marketing discussions online? I'm looking for a place where intelligent marketeers with a strong academic outlook hang out, where I can discuss topics like "Best practices in B2B-marketing for niche players in the service industry?"

Reviews of employers?

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 09:27:51 -0800

What are best forums/websites where people post about their work experiences and about the pros and cons of various employers? I'm doing short term contract work in the Dallas area (financial and tax compliance stuff), going from job to job every three or four months, being placed by different recruiters. Working in some real dysfunctional places comes with the territory, but I do like to know what I’m walking into.

So I was looking around for forums and discussion groups where people essentially review their employers. I’ve come across several, but I figured somebody here has already found the good ones. And I do realize that most of these sites would attract disgruntled and negative types, but I can read between the lines.

Thanks for your help!

Finding meaning in Fourier transforms

Aanidaani — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 20:48:31 -0800

I'd like to develop a better understanding of the physical and mathematical meanings of the Fourier transform. Can anyone suggest a text that describes some of its applications and elaborates on the importance of the transform to science and mathematics? I frequently encounter it in my crystallography work and so I've only ever thought of it as the mathematical link between real and reciprocal space. I'm not really a mathematician, but I know that the transform is used in a number of other applications--I'd like to learn more about these and also improve my grasp of the mathematics involved in transformations of variables.

Are there any books (not too technical) that discuss this? I'm thinking of books like The Golden Ratio, but geared toward the scientific community. Thanks!

Discussion movies for highschoolers

jpdoane — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 11:37:42 -0800

Help me find some movies to discuss with high schoolers I work with the high school group at our church, and would like to have a few movie discussion evenings. What movies would you recommend? Topics I'd like to cover are things such as poverty, race, and consumerism. A lot of these kids are typical suburban religious types and I want to broaden their exposure to social issues and help them see past themselves.

The ideal movie would touch on one or more of these sort of issues without being political, heavy handed or preachy about it (I'd like to have an open ended discussion without the movie telling us exactly what to think). Documentarys are great as long as they have a good story and aren't too dry. Also it's a church group so anything too racy might be iffy.

Movies I've already thought about
Crash
God grew tired of us
Objectified

Condensed Matter Forum?

Aanidaani — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 10:20:27 -0800

I'm looking for a forum that hosts discussion in the field of condensed matter physics and/or materials science. I'd like a site where scientists can go to ask and answer questions, similar to Ask.Metafilter, but a general forum would be good as well. Does anyone know of such a site?

science.metafilter.com?

clearly — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:35:21 -0800

Where do you go to discuss science online? I would like to find the best scientific discussions, websites, blogs, news, etc... online.

As a grad student, I would like to start becoming more involved in the scientific community outside of my school and immersing myself in new research taking place, scientific reviews, and take part in the discussion to better understand my field.

What better resource than the internet, right?

Bonus points if they emphasize biotechnology, genomics, or molecular biology.

Finding a new reflecting pool

gypseefire — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 15:45:25 -0800

Once upon a time I found myself in an amazing chat room where people actually discussed spirituality, politics, dreams, ologies etc...and did so in a respectful manner. This room was very engaging, challenging and inspiring and I am searching for a new discussion group or chat room that is similar in its dynamic. Any suggestions?

Making HUGE MISTAKES, and being okay

ADoubtfulTrout — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:28:51 -0800

What are stories like this about making huge mistakes, and then recovering from it? Inspired by this story about Citicorp Center, I've been looking for other stories about people who made mistakes which would have huge, disastrous consequences, and how they handled both the ethical situation of what to do when they discovered it and how they acted to prevent disaster. I'd like to put together a short set of them addressing the same issues with a few conversation-starting questions for a luncheon discussion group, but I'm having trouble finding for good examples. Bonus points for suggestions related to software.

What should I ask Mormons?

howgenerica — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:43:15 -0800

I'm meeting with Mormon missionaries tomorrow for a religious discussion, and they want me to come prepared with questions about Mormon history/ belief/ doctrine, etc. I'm looking for a list of questions that will give me interesting answers and lead to longer discussions about the nature of Mormonism. I'm very interested in their religion, I just don't know enough to know what to ask, and I have three hours with them so I need a good amount of discussion questions. Thanks!

ELIZA and the efficacy of "professional" therapists versus the rest of us

XMLicious — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 14:48:35 -0800

Meta-Meta-RelationshipFilter: Have there been any scientific trials to study the efficacy of talk therapy that involved a placebo as control? I'm thinking, is there any definitive proof that a professional talk therapist is substantially more effective than just talking about shit with a friend who doesn't charge a fee (which, granted, RelationshipFilter isn't necessarily like), or even substantially more effective than simply sitting someone down, telling them "we're going to have conversations that will explore and fix your psychological problems" but then having a discussion about any old thing that will run the clock out?

My own experience with years of visiting a variety of talk therapists would appear to indicate that at least with the average therapist I've seen the answer would be "No, there is no substantial difference" but I'm curious to see what if anything science has said. I'm definitely not saying that RelationshipFilter is any replacement for hours of ongoing, focused personal discussion, I'm just curious as to whether "professionalism" in this area, even of practitioners who are licensed or certified, has any demonstrated and quantifiable value.

Active writing forums?

Ugh — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 13:57:59 -0800

Anyone know any active writing forums they would recommend? The last time I had time to devote to writing, I was a member of Writers Write but it appears they have since closed down their forums. I enjoy the forums at NaNoWriMo but they're not as active this time of year as I would like. Google results are overwhelming. Any suggestions for active discussion boards? I'm mainly interested in fiction (novel-length), but also in memoirs.

Bonus question, there was a forum I was part of at some point which had the author of Look Me in the Eye as an active participant. At the time, his memoir had been picked up, but not yet released. Anyone know which forum this might have been?

Help me get a bunch of smart folks talking.

activitystory — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:46:23 -0800

Help me get a bunch of smart folks talking. I have an event planned, billed as a casual conversation, in which members of various university departments will come together to explore a mutually important research-related topic. I have a list of agreed upon subtopics (open questions, actually), I have distributed some brief background readings, and I feel like there will be plenty of enthusiasm for discussion-- but I don't really know how to get things started. The only real goal of this discussion is to get people talking and perhaps lead to more collaborative conversations in the future.

University faculty, librarians (I am one of these), and doctoral students will be involved; likely fewer than 15. I'm very interested in everyone feeling engaged and welcomed to speak, but with no pressure to demonstrate extensive preparation or expertise. Like I said, casual. I'm new to the institution and relatively junior here, but as far as I can tell, it is a very collegial place. I'm used to more structured events, so I think my nervousness is due more to not knowing what to expect than anything else.

So, I ask you: What are your favorite strategies or resources for leading an informal discussion that stimulates response but does not require anyone to be "a presenter" or "an audience member"? How do I get the ball rolling? What should I worry about or try to avoid?

Sorry, I know this is vague, but if anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear about it.

How to not care what people think of me.

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:22:50 -0800

How do I not care what strangers think of me, especially on the internet? In particular, on internet forums (not metafilter). I try to stay within a certain bounds and keep my opinions on the subject at hand. I try to never make it personal.

But sometimes when someone is especially vicious back, attacks, it really affects me. And I hate this because I know it shouldn't; I know they're probably only trying to get a rise out of me. But I sit there trying to type and my hands actually tremble.

I've tried just leaving the conversation, but I find I'm still thinking about hours later at the book store, or at work, or while sleeping. How can I stop this behavior? I feel so dumb asking this question, but but I hate this about myself.

For what it's worth, in face to face / real life situations, I'm actually fine in this regards. Only on the internet do I have this problem.

Poetry Web Sites

Secret Life of Gravy — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 07:51:35 -0800

Internet resources for understanding poetry. My husband and I have Poetry Club every Saturday night. We choose a poem, give a short biographical intro, read the poem, and follow-up with as much insight and discussion as possible. It is the last part that is the most difficult, of course. We are surprised that there seem to be so few sources on the net that analyze and discuss poetry, modern and classic. Normally I just google the name of the poem which leads to a lot of wasted time because most often it is just a listing of the poem with no follow-up. Do you have any resources to share?

I did read this previous (2005) AskMe post.

Discussions: discuss.

umbú — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 11:11:39 -0800

Calling all professors and teachers: What is crucial to keep in mind in order to foster a successful class discussion? I teach undergrads and graduate students--mostly undergrads. Now that the semester is almost over, I'm in the process of assessing what has worked and what hasn't in my courses. I've come to the conclusion that I need to hone my skills in facilitating class discussion.

I've read the tips in pedagogy books like Tools for Teachers, and they are helpful, but there is an improvisatory element to what goes on in the unscripted moments in class that, I've found, books like this don't fully address.

Can you think of any specific classroom moments that taught you something valuable about how to best lead discussions? How to make them less perfunctory to more inspiring?

Some of the areas I've been thinking specifically about include: formulating thought-provoking questions on the fly; getting students to talk to each other, not just to me or for me; keeping students focused, but relaxed.

Place to discuss scholarly publications online?

ivarley — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 20:36:34 -0800

Is there a good place to discuss scholarly publications online? Peer reviewed journals and conference publications are the lifeblood of academic research. Google Scholar (scholar.google.com) provides a decent search of this domain, but what I'd love to find is a universal message board where scholarly articles can be pinned and discussed at length, ideally with a rating & filtering system a la slashdot.

Is there such a thing? If not, can Google build it? :)

Where's a good logic puzzle discussion forum?

sappidus — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 17:16:52 -0800

I recently ran across a wonderful logic puzzle, but no solution was provided. I eventually worked out a complete solution myself, but it was rather ugly, and I would like to see if people smarter than me can come up with something more elegant. Are there any good Internet puzzle discussion forums floating around? I note that I already posted the puzzle to The Grey Labyrinth, a wonderful site, but I was looking for other such places.

And I wouldn't want to rob Ask MeFi of the puzzle itself, so I'll put it here. It's a minor modification of a problem from Julian Havil's lovely book, "Impossible?"

("Natural numbers" here means positive integers.)

Someone secretly picks two natural numbers (c and d, not necessarily distinct) and approaches two perfect logicians, A and B. A is told the sum of the two numbers, i.e. the number (c+d). B is told the sum of the squares of the numbers, i.e. the number (c^2+d^2). Both know the nature of the information conveyed but don't know the number given to the other person. The subsequent conversation (referring to the two natural numbers c and d) between them runs as follows:

B: I do not know the numbers.
A: I do not know the numbers.
B: I do not know the numbers.
A: I do not know the numbers.
B: I do not know the numbers.
A: I do not know the numbers.
B: I do not know the numbers, so...
A and B simultaneously: ...we'll never know them.

Why does it take so long for A and B to conclude this?

(The original problem, available here, is superior in that the answer seems to drop out of the sky from nowhere, but I like how my formulation begins in ignorance, ends in ignorance, has a whole lot of ignorance in between, and yet conceals a surprising amount of reasoning.)

[ethicsfilter] two of my friends are getting it on. one of them has herpes. should I tell the other?

krautland — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 20:34:54 -0800

[ethicsfilter] two of my friends are getting it on. one of them has herpes. should I tell the other? two of my friends, one very close and the other a little more than an acquaintance, are interested in each other. just to distinguish them I am going to call them 'acquaintance' and 'friend.' I happen to know the acquaintance has herpes.*

the friend keeps talking about the acquaintance and how flirtations are progressing. we are having more or less daily conversations about this and the friend is naturally excited. I am frequently asked for opinions, details and tips concerning acquaintance, if not outright help. I have reason to believe this is getting somewhere fast but don't wish to speculate about how serious they are.

I am conflicted about violating the privacy of acquaintance in order to be a friend to friend. were I friend, I'd hope my friend was watching out for me. were I acquaintance, I'd probably feel pretty violated were someone else to share such information without my consent.**

the acquaintance does not know I am aware of the romance or the extraordinary circumstances that concern me and my conversations with the friend lead me to believe that this issue has not been discussed. I do not think I am in a position to approach the acquaintance about this at all and suggesting otherwise is most likely not going to help me much.

the only two options I do see are either to tell the friend or keep quiet.***

which is the ethical option for me to take?

*I am not speculating but have no further details.
**this of course is assuming I'd know someone had talked but I'm sure you get my point.
***there may be a third option. suggest away as long as it does not force me to address the acquaintance about this.

I am good at arguing

dcrocha — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:38:23 -0800

I seem to be really good at debating. How can I use this "talent"? I have a passion for debating. Whatever the topic is (excluding biology and related sciences, of which i'm 100% ignorant), I think I can "feel" when other people are afraid, have weak arguments, or are shocked by some obscure stats I pull from the top of my head. Being an analytic person, I seem to be able to use all this to my advantage and counter-attack with well-constructed arguments or a good sophisms, enough to win the discussion.

Question is: given that I am not a lawyer or a politician, but a computer scientist, how can I put this "talent" to good use?

I'm looking for a quiet and discreet place where awesome people gather.

Anonymous — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:24:33 -0800

Where can I anonymously complain on the internets? Not just complain. I would like to become part of a web community where I can actually talk frankly about my work, life, conundra and so on and give support to others doing the same, but I'd like to be more frank and open than I can be in such a public place as MetaFilter. I don't want people, if they identify me, to feel like shopping me to the newspapers or my online enemies.

This question might sound a bit counter-intuitive to be posting anonymously on Ask Metafilter, but I'm looking for somewhere with broader guidelines and less visibility than here.

I'm doing a bunch of high profile shit at the moment and I am totally fraught with mental illness and feel way over my head, plus I have a bunch of practical problems. I want to discuss them in a place with intelligent and absolutely discreet people.

If I get into too much detail on a public forum I fear that who I am will be uncovered, and my frank opinions will fuck my shit up.

I am willing to consider any medium - IRC, websites, freenets, whatever - but I want to hear about where to go to get the privacy and frankness I wish.

Note; I am looking for reasonable people - I define this widely, but I am not looking for a den of sociopaths. More a hidden shangri-la of awesome. I know this is a big ask. ;)

Identifying forums on specific subjects

zaebiz — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:48:31 -0800

What is your formula for finding the most active online forums for discussions about very specific subjects? Benchmark subjects to test your formula out are - solar electricity, icecream lovers, driving a taxi, the Weimar Republic, analysing dreams. The forums needn't be dedicated to the particular subject but they should be the sort of forum for which information about the subject is abundant.