Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with depressed

How do I not feel like a failure?

biochemist — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 10:38:15 -0800

I failed high school -and- college. How can I not feel like such a failure/cheer myself up? In High School, I had problems with procrastination and completing work, which I attributed to living in an abusive household. I also had social anxiety, so all of my friends were online. I had zero real-life friends.

I ended up not passing. I took a year off before college and did the therapy/self-help thing, in hopes that I would get good grades and make friends in college.

I got accepted into numerous colleges because of my high GED/SAT scores, and I got over my SA. I felt like my life would finally turn around. I chose a college in a small, scenic area just outside of a big city, in hopes that would satisfy my love of nature as well as my love of big cities.

I get to college and attend all the social events, try to get people to hang out and what-not, but my social skills are still too subpar and I end up with just one friend. To top it off, Small College is -way- too small for me and I end up going stir crazy, yet can't afford to travel to Big City most of the time.

Work-wise, I put all my effort in and still get poor grades. I realize it's because my school goes for "understanding" and not "blind memorization." I start doing well, but then when exams roll around I run out of time on all but one. I feel like crap, the procrastination and etc problems set in again, and I start failing... again.

I go to the doctor to see what's up, because I thought those issues would go away once I was away from home. I'm diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds, but too late. I'm not allowed to come back in the spring, and my final grades will all be failing, or if I can get a medical leave (not likely) I'll have no records at all.

Which means that I am officially two years behind where I should be, which sucks because the only reason I took a year off was to ensure this -wouldn't- happen. The only good thing, I guess, is that I can use the spring to get a technical degree I'd had my eye on for years.

I feel like a failure. An utterly lonely failure. I haven't felt this bad since my four-year relationship broke up some years ago. I hate that I put so much effort into making friends and still failed, and that the work thing was just de ja vu.

There's no way I'd get accepted into another college, so I'm stuck going stir-crazy for another year while I make up my grades or moving back home with all the stresses there and going to the local community college.

How do I not feel so hopeless, lost, depressed, terrible, etc? I feel like I'm nothing. I'm in the exact same position I was in high school - the girl who is alone all the time, with no friends, who gets terrible grades.

I know I should see a therapist, but I've been to numerous therapists over my lifetime and only one has helped, so I'm not too keen on that right now.

Lonliness and depression

loser8008 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:05:33 -0800

Lonely and depressed...need advice So i haven't been on here in writing about stuff in a while, which i guess is a good thing. I have been making progress on focusing on myself and stoped seeking a relationship, as if it were the only key to happiness. I have been doing better, i have established a pretty good amount of friends who i can trust and talk to and have grown a whole lot of confidence in just about everything i do. This happens to my toughest semester in college as an engineer, and i am effortlessly passsing (almost aceing) all my classes.

As much as things are better though i still feel like many times there is just me putting on a mask of a smiley face at times. I just feel like so much is missing. I have yet to establish a good exercise routine as i am very much out of shape and it is something i wish to work on...but things just haven't felt right lately, no matter what lately i have just been depressed waiting for what more is going to happen. It gets to the point where i just don't want to think, one thing i have found to ease the thought process is alcohol, as i am now 21. I don't drink alot or all the time, but lately i have just found that it makes it so much easier to forget everything by just having a beer or 2 at night.

Things haven't been bad, but then i did meet a girl i liked. and i am pretty sure i went about everything in the right way, but i still got turned down as things in her past that she is dealing with and is not ready for a relationship. I have no problem with it, never really expected to get that girl. But as someone has stated before it seems like i am a person "who feels to much". Things go from a great hope where things feel great and i feel optimistic, is there anything that i could of said different or that i could do different to change the future outcome. I went through one time where a girl told me she needs time before she would want to talk about things before, so i stepped back, within a few weeks she ends up with some other guy. I guess i don't have what it takes to change a girls perspective. I don't know how to explain but it just really hurts. it seems like i always end up in somewhat of the same situation. i again just find myself doing what ever i can to not think, to not think so i don't feel.

I don't really know where i am actually going with all this, i just kind of went on a rant. I would just like any input, opinions, to help get things better, advice.

Am I depressed, or just screwed-up?

Anonymous — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 06:31:48 -0800

So I’ve finally made up my mind to talk to my GP about the depression that I think I’m suffering from. I have a few days before my appointment and I’d like to get a clearer handle on things before I see him. Can you help me unpack some of this? Some background : Mid 20s, male, English. Although I never sought help at the time I believe that I went through quite a serious depressive episode during the year after finishing university. I was unemployed at the time and remember feeling absolutely worthless, guilty all the time, regularly crying myself to sleep, imagining what people would say about me at my funeral, thinking it would be better for everyone if I were dead, and so on. It was awful beyond words. I felt destroyed. This episode was sort of ‘cured’ by travelling abroad for six months at a family member’s insistence.

Since then I’ve never dropped so low again, but I’ve been consistently underemployed, have no friends at all, still live with my parents, have only ever had one girlfriend (whom I was with for years and years from a stupidly young age), and generally feel like a failure. However, I’ve also taken some evening classes, then part of a Masters degree, and had fun doing them. I’ve also held down an admin job and done a reasonable job at it, though I felt ashamed to be so underemployed (not helped by colleagues and family saying things like ‘but you’re so intelligent, what are you doing here/there?’). So I have some work/social/family issues mixed up in all this too, but is there also a medical element?

I’ve now been unemployed for months (previous job died of natural causes – end of contract), though I’ve been consistently going to some classes, turning papers in on time, and getting excellent grades. I’ve been applying for jobs, but not nearly as many as I should be, and I’ve been procrastinating and ruminating to a ridiculous degree. I’ve been putting off applying for jobs until the deadline passes, and I’ve been spending more time torturing myself inside over my unemployment than trying to fix the situation. For the past few months I’ve been thinking to myself that I should really go and talk to a doctor because I’ve been having shades of the feelings I used to have during the Awful Year. I kept putting it off until the end of the academic year, and since then I’ve put it off for two months longer. More recently the negative thoughts and feelings have become much more potent and frequent, but not constant. Right now I feel at a relative low, but at the end of last week I remember thinking and feeling quite well and at peace. This shift has happened a few times over recent weeks and I’m not sure how much to make of it. Maybe I’m just fooling myself on good days. Another thing I sometimes ask myself is – what if I’m just used to being depressed all the time now – what if I never really got over it before and now I just have times that are relatively better and relatively worse, but never truly well? I’m not sure I believe that. I don’t know. The more I try to figure it out, the foggier it all seems, which is partly why I’m asking for advice.

Anyway, the ’symptoms’ that I’ve been having recently are:
- Reduced activity (going out, reading, doing) and increased web-surfing and time-killing.
- Suicidal thoughts – but not of a kind that seems dangerous – I really don’t think I’d ever do anything like that. More like, if I think about my future, my career, about how I should be filling in that application form I’ve had open for days, I very quickly and fleetingly think ‘I should just kill myself’. It’s been happening much more recently (several times a day) and I think it’s more a bad thought-habit than a desire to actually harm myself. Just to reiterate – I don’t need to phone the suicide hotline or whatever. The only way I’d ever really kill myself is if I’d been bitten by a zombie, but it can’t be right to have suicidal phrases running through my mind every day, can it? I’m sure this didn’t happen so much a year or eighteen months ago.
- Irritability/anger (this is very out of character for me, I get ticked off like anyone else, but at the moment everything seems to be ticking me off, other times though I feel quite full of love and peace, but those are in the minority).
- Some tiredness and lethargy.
- Feeling tearful but not crying. My breath sometimes rattles a bit as if I had been crying (that used to happen during the Awful Year).
- The voice in my head seems slower recently and my intellectual curiosity seems diminished.
- I’ve been speaking less. I’m a quiet person anyway, but much more so recently. This used to happen during the Awful Year.
- Sometimes I feel very hopeless about the future and seem to have an uncharacteristically pessimistic and cynical outlook. Sometimes everything I hear people say seems to be a coded metaphor for my own failings.
- More generally, I seem to try not to get to know people too well because I don’t want them to see me for the failure that I am. It’s hard to really describe this. Avoiding eye-contact used to be part of it I think, but I can bluff through that now.

So really, after almost 1000 words, I don’t know what my question is any more. I suppose what I’m looking for is some clarity – does any of the above sound familiar, does it fit a pattern? If I was going to see the doctor about a pain in my knee, I’d find out all that I could about knee problems before seeing him, I'd see if the pain in my opposite ankle was related, but this is all so foggy. What do you think?

Bonus questions:
- I’ve been trying to learn a musical instrument for the last couple of weeks. I think I’ve been enjoying it. Does that mean I’m not really depressed?
- I still laugh at jokes, hard. Does that mean I’m not really depressed?
- I’ve learned some new three-ball juggling tricks over the last few months. I’m really pleased with myself for learning them. Does that mean I’m not really depressed?
- I get out of the bed in the mornings, get showered, generally drive someone to their workplace, go to the supermarket, things like that. Does that mean I’m not really depressed?
- I never miss appointments, and I got my car repaired last week (which involved multiple visits to more than one mechanic). Does that mean I’m not really depressed?

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this mess. I’m really very grateful. Anything you could offer would be appreciated.

GET UP ALREADY

Anonymous — Mon, 18 May 2009 20:05:17 -0800

How do you snap yourself out of a temporary, but fairly deeply depressed state in order to accomplish tasks at hand? I have been feeling very depressed for the last month. I know myself well enough to be pretty sure it is temporary, but lately I've been really struggling with turning off the computer, going to the gym, eating well and getting things done. I have been unemployed/uninsured for several months now. In two weeks I'm moving back to my home city where I will find a good job, but whose population and cramped space I'm not quite ready to go back to, and leaving a tiny job-less city where I have a quiet life that I'm sad to leave in some ways. And that's the purgatory I am currently stuck in. It's all very bittersweet.

I'm leaving things I love (cheap, spacious, beautiful apt - my sanctuary - and also selling my car). And leaving things that are really painful (unemployment, friends have left/are leaving). And I'm moving on to things that are scary and less than ideal (homeless for a month or two; small, cramped, expensive apt eventually; loss of car) but I know I will be fine in a couple months.

So I know logically things are OK. I have a plan. I just CANNOT follow through with it for the life of me. I am extremely lonely here in this tiny city, made worse by visits home where I have friends, family, job prospects. I come back to this apt I love and hate to leave, worry about money, and just get really depressed, like I've never been.

I have two weeks to pack up my apt, get things into storage and secure a couch to sleep on. I know that I will get it done, no question, but I do NOT want to be paralyzed and upset for the next two weeks and leave it all to the last minute. I'm just so mad at myself for getting to this point and for not taking care of myself the way I need to. I occasionally feel a glimmer of motivation, but it's fleeting. I really don't have anyone here to even help me pack. It's just me, my computer, and my apt waiting to be boxed up.

So I'm looking for specific ways to motivate myself to face all of this insanity and start getting things done. What kinds of things do you do or say to yourself when you are in the moment of feeling paralyzed? How do you force yourself to get up and start on really difficult, emotionally-charged tasks?

It's just so much easier said than done.

How do I stop blaming myself and let go?

HPag — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 13:42:48 -0800

After 27 years of being best friends (we had baby pictures together, and were inseparable), mine decided to drop off the face of the planet and never call me again after I moved to Austin. I really needed my best friend to talk to, and after being there for her through every bad thing in her life, she was nowhere to be found for me. When I finally confronted her, she acted like she had nothing to explain or apologize for. She said I never gave her grace, that I was too hard on her and expected too much. All I expected was a phone call from my best friend asking how I was! Now I am full of self-deprication, hating myself because I feel responsible for losing my friend, like what she said was true.

How do I stop blaming myself when I know she was mainly responsible for our "breakup", and truly let her go?

Emancipated Minor in Ontario, Canada

Danniman — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 18:04:47 -0800

A 16 year old seeking Emancipated Minor status. What is the legal process involved for this in Ontario, Canada? I have a 16 year old friend ( *Jane* ) who wants to be an emancipated minor in Ontario.

Jane is clinically depressed and as of this writing, waiting for her therapy to start. She is living with uncaring parents and an emotionally abusive mother.

She is trying to get away from her parents but being a minor prevents her from doing so. What is the law in Ontario regarding minor emancipation? Would she require her parents' permission to be emancipated? Would she be reported as a runaway if she leaves home without telling anyone?... Google didn't turn up any helpful results.

What to do when depression disrupts your relationships?

mintchip — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 13:57:08 -0800

What to do when depression disrupts your relationships? I have chronic mild-to-moderate depression. I am in treatment but it never fully resolves. I go through phases of being quite irritable and/or antisocial. Naturally, this has a tendency to disrupt all but the most solid friendships.

I have one group of friends in which I always feel like an outsider. They will invite me to some things but I often feel that I get left out of important events, and that I'm not invited as often as others in the group are. When, as it usually happens, I find out later that I was left out of a big get together, or a party to celebrate x y or z, my depressed mood further deteriorates. Then again, because I'm down I'm not often extending invitations, so maybe that's why I don't get as many as others in the group do. However, when I'm having a good week, and try to rekindle things, sometimes I feel a touch rebuffed--maybe due to having been out of touch for a while.

I've tried to tell a few friends in this circle that I've been down, "don't take it personally if I'm not super social," etc. However, the fact that this hasn't led to many inquiries into how I'm doing, nor invitations to spend time together, leads me to wonder if in fact that they don't care about me all that much...which leads me to be even less inclined to spend time with them when I am in fact invited, since as described above I feel like I'm treated as a bit of an outsider and I'm not all that sure that any of them care about me as more than just a tertiary member of their large and extended circle. As you can see, this makes becoming isolated a self sustaining cycle.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm pushing these people away or if it's more like my mood has caused me to drift away (and they assume that I don't like THEM) or if they simply don't like or care about me all that much--or some combination of the three. However, I'm not sure I feel close enough to discuss the topic any more than I already have. At this point I'm not sure how to address it since we're not all that close and this seems a topic that you'd discuss with good friends.

Any thoughts on how to address the above situation and how to avoid withdrawing in the first place when one gets down?

oneeighthundredauntbunny

auntbunny — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 06:23:28 -0800

At my usually super-quiet night job, I've been approached by two suicidal-talking strangers in the past week and a half. It seems likely to happen again and I'd like to find some kind of basic training for what to say and do. I'm in NC. mefimail if you'd like. thanks.

How to get over my obsession with food?

DeltaForce — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 14:18:30 -0800

OrthorexiaFilter: Help me overcome my obsession with food Warning: What follows is quite long and involved! I invite any general commentary, anecdotes, personal experience, and advice :)

For some background information: 18 years old, female, healthy weight of 115 at 5'4. Currently taking a "gap year" before I start college next fall...though I am starting to question whether or not that is something I am able/willing to do right now.

So it's happened yet again. Crash, burn, wallow. Resolve to start my new diet tomorrow. Rinse. Repeat. Let's just say I'm tired, depressed, frustrated, and scared. While for the past 13 months my life has been consumed by food and what has proven to be an incredibly difficult (yet educational) journey in pursuit of "healthy eating," it was not until I recently read this article on orthorexia that I began to wonder if I have a problem. I can't even begin to recount the number of books (upwards of about 60 or 70) that I have read on health, everything from raw food to paleo to macrobiotic, low carb to low fat, body alkalinity, and food combining, as well as the number of hours I have spent perusing health forums and websites (up to 8 hours or more a day). Yes, I have learned more about the human body, biology, and nutrition than I ever did in school, and I'm thankful for that. But all of these conflicting opinions have only made me increasingly frustrated and terrified of eating the "wrong" thing. I have struggled with (relatively) minor health problems my whole life, but it seems that in trying to solve these problems, I have only created new ones. I'm obsessed with food and health and it's taking over my life!

On an intellectual level, I have come to the conclusion that I need to take the middle path. Simply stated, lots and lots of veggies, enough complex carbohydrates, and some meat (I won't/don't do dairy). Eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full. So why am I finding it so hard to stop binging on things not even the ill-informed would consider healthy? It's come to the point where I know what I need to eat, where I'm done debating whether or not things like meat or grains are healthy, and where I need to just get with the program.

What may also be relevant to all of this is that from about the ages of 12-16, I experienced intense distress regarding the cleanliness of my room and my schoolwork. For instance, I particularly remember that if I didn't have time in the morning to make my bed, I would come home, feel desperately out of control, cry, and begin cleaning my room all over again. Then I would proceed to start my homework, which included writing and rewriting my notes from the school day until they were perfect (I didn't like pencil smudges). Back then, it's as if I felt the best way to have a sense of control in my life was to control my room and my things. Interestingly, it seems that by the time I was 17, I had outgrown these urges and now my room is as messy as any other kid my age!

Like with my room and schoolwork, it seems that I now use food as a means of attaining control. When I was younger, I never wanted to eat. I had more important and more fun things to do! But when I was around 14, my eating habits began to change and I found myself consuming enormous quantities of food, even for a grown man several times my size! I've always had a fast metabolism, so I didn't gain weight or anything, but all of the refined carbohydrates and sugar took a toll on my immune system and I found myself getting recurring bouts of sinusitis and respiratory infections. At the same time however, I found that by eating so much, I was able to get attention from my friends and others. And so food became a part of my identity as I unabashedly devoured my share and cleaned the plates of my friends'. I will say right here that attention had much more to do with it than actual hunger, which, when I later went through a devastating breakup that left me in emotional wreckage for more than a year, led me to think it was "cute" to say that Ben and Jerry were my new boyfriends.

But right now, nothing feels better than when I've been "good," counted carbs, avoided combining fat and protein, and abstained from dairy, gluten, grains, soy, processed foods, etc. Nothing feels safer. After all, when one feels afraid of not only being hurt by others, but also by one's own body, living becomes a pretty scary thing. Add in a propensity towards perfectionism, an all-or-nothing mentality, and a need for attention, and well, there you have me and my life.

So where does this leave me? And what do I do about it? Right now, for example, after eating something I shouldn't have, I feel the urge to cut out foods, make yet another food list, and yet another eating schedule so I can feel safe and confident again. Am I simply supposed to recognize these thoughts as a symptom as my neurosis?

How do I find a middle ground if, to be "sober," I need to do something extreme, like cutting out a whole slew of trigger foods (foods that cause me to spiral into binge eating). The word "trigger" implies that when pulled, something deadly is unleashed, something of which I have no control. And so, the only solution is to control the trigger. My question is, why is there a gun in the first place? By saying I have a problem, am I unwittingly creating a problem? Perhaps my bellybutton is the source of my problems. Perhaps it's simply a matter of too much time (currently not in school, not working, see friends like twice a week...though I am working on getting a part-time job because I'm going out of my mind at home!!!!!!!!) and too much self-analysis. After all, if there's one thing self-help books have taught me (and I've checked them all out from the library...almost), it's that reading about my problems aren't solving anything. What ends up happening with me is that, for instance, I'll be reading a book about eating mindfully while scarfing down my lunch. Um, hello? What's wrong with me? If anything it seems that self-help books only give me license to keep telling myself that I have problems. Now, that doesn't mean that I am saying nothing's wrong. I'm not saying that (yeah, I know about the river in Egypt), but what I am questioning is the effectiveness and/or healthfulness, at the deepest and most fundamental level, of some of the methods I have been using.

Perhaps to understand that I am already whole and complete, despite what I eat/look like, despite whether others accept me, that there really are no such things as "good" and "bad" foods, that eating one or the other of said category does not characterize me as either, and that in the grand scheme of things, all of this is really not that important, is all I need to set me free from food, from obsessions, from fear, from guilt, from this self-imposed cage I call "control!!!"

When I tell myself that "I can control my life and my health and be safe if only I can control what I put in my mouth," am I talking about true control, or is that only a false sense, broken at the first taste of any forbidden fruit? What is true control anyway? Is it saying "no" to the cookie, or is it doing either one of two things; eating the cookie and feeling satisfied or choosing not to eat the cookie because, hell, I'm not even hungry anyway?! Why do I have to eat the whole box, why is it all-or-nothing, black and white? Why has the urge to do so gotten so incredibly intense since I started restricting my diet? And where has all of this food-obsession come from? No one in my family is like this! All of them have a very normal, healthy relationship with food. Why, for instance, is eating only when I am hungry such a foreign concept for me?

Okay I've gone on enough. I need help. Thank you in advance for having the patience to read all of this.

Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you.

the agents of KAOS — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 00:22:08 -0800

[How] Should I tell my parents, now I'm a healthy adult, about my longstanding depression? I have probably been depressed since I was a preteen. I mostly hid it, passed everything off as 'teenage moods', got sent to a counsellor after a half-hearted suicide attempt and got better at acting ok. I'm now 23, and I've been on medication for about a year, since being diagnosed by my GP with major depression, and I think I am doing well now. For the first time in years, I haven't been cutting or thinking about suicide, I feel happy. But I've never told anyone I know that I have been depressed, or am being treated for it. I have been out of home and independant (in another state) for about six years, and I'm pretty sure my parents have no idea - they were worried about me as a teen, but I think I seemed to grow out of it. (To clarify: they were good parents, I was just better at hiding everything).

I feel like they probably would want to know. I have arranged to have an operation while visiting them soon (so I can stay with them and be looked after while recuperating), and my mother was filling in admissions forms for me, and asked if I'm on any medication. I lied and said no. I think I should be able to tell them, but I hate the idea of making them feel like they did something wrong while I was a kid, or that they need to worry about me, especially as I am about to move away internationally for a new job.

Does anyone have experience with this from either side? How can I approach it? Would they really want to know? How about other people I know, friends and siblings and potential significant others? How likely is it that they've basically figured it out anyway, from noticing the decorative scars down my inner arms?

How to survive this horrible job one day at a time?

Anonymous — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:35:17 -0800

My job is making me miserable. I need some short-term coping strategies. Things are crazy over here and it seems, to me, that I get blamed for everything that goes wrong. I'm trying to handle it as best I can, but I don't feel as though I'm succeeding, either at continuing to do my job or at managing how ridiculously angry I feel. I'm looking into other opportunities, but in the meantime- how do I survive this? I'm talking about the day-to-day; I hate feeling like I'm wasting day after day being mad. Help me better manage my mind.

How to help my girlfriend overcome her past?

HBomb — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:27:01 -0800

Background info: I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2years and we both love each other very much. However, every once in awhile she will get depressed because of her troubled past. She is my first girlfriend, while she's had a few bad partners who I would punch in the face if I ever saw them. Just to name a few, she was physically abused by one, had a "friends with benefits" she is extremely disgusted/ashamed about. Every once in awhile her past will come back and cause her a lot of suffering. I've been very patient, respectful, loving and understanding to her throughout our entire relationship. However, I feel helpless to help her overcome her past. I've suggested counseling but she thinks it won't really help. Has anyone gone through something similar? I want to help her but I don't know how? Do I just continue doing what I am doing? Thank you in advance

I am 21 and bored with life

thegmann — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:45:52 -0800

I am 21, male, and I'm pretty bored with life, I feel stressed about doing nothing. I am having trouble figuring out what it is I really want to do with all of the time I have right now, and I've definitely been stagnating. Give me some advice! I've run a small computer business since I was about 14, and now I've gotten completely bored with it, but I have so much of it automated and outsourced at this point I really do very little (probably 4-6 hours a week) and all of my bills get paid, and I have enough to let me be comfortable for the month (hang with friends, go out, etc.). I recently got my motorcycle license because riding a motorcycle sounds like a ton of fun to me and I've been looking at motorcycles but I can't afford to pay cash for one. I don't want to take on the debt of a loan for something I could possibly destroy within weeks of owning it.

I've always been very motivated but I tend to love having a creative outlet. In high school I was in every play I could get into and I would take extracurricular classes that sounded interesting. I didn't apply for any schools after high school as I was working, but now I am planning on starting at my local CC come fall because I miss the social environment school gave me. In my current work I don't meet anyone new and my daily life is for the most part spent inside or out with my old high school buddies doing nothing very productive.

I have a huge urge to travel but again money comes to mind. I don't want to get a salaried job- I've only worked one in my entire life and while it was an interesting place to be in it didn't challenge me at all.

I feel like I'm just rambling now, I know I'm lucky to be in the position I'm in, I'm in Southern California with all of the time in the world, given my position, what would you do?

Crazy Cat Lady

misha — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 11:44:54 -0800

Help me out, Hive Mind, with some excellent arguments in favor of pets in general and cats in particular, so I don't have to divorce my husband. I want a cat. I grew up with and adored a very special pet cat when I was a girl. I have taken care of pets and of course I'm aware of the responsibilities that come with being a pet holder. My children are growing older, my blood pressure is growing higher, and I want a companion to help me fill my empty nest once more. My husband, who has only had one experience with a (demon-spawn) cat, is really anti-cat as a result.

Things are now coming to a head, as my youngest son also wants a pet, and had our neighbors sign a petition he made up himself, thus spurring me to action. It is looking like I must choose either my spouse or the cat, and I am leaning dangerously close to picking the cat. Help me convince my husband that cats are not the enemy, please!

His specific worries are that a cat will smell up the house with a litter box, pee on our carpet and tear up our leather couch.

We do have a large screened-in porch and backyard, and our leather couch is ten years + old, but we ARE considering new carpeting for the entire house.

P.S. yes, I would adopt, neuter and fully vaccinate a shelter-rescued cat.

Guidenice on being tired/depressed and steps to take.

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 11:07:37 -0800

MedFilter: Looking for guidance on general chronic lethargic feeling (both physically and emotionally). (wordy) I hate medfilter, long posts, and people who don't do their research first, and as such, I apologize for breaking two of these rules, but I have read every post related to depression. I have insurance. This is a long time lingering problem (6+ years) that I would seriously like to fix, and I have tried the normal channels and failed.

This is more of a 'who do I talk to, and what do I say' type of question, as I have seen both a psychiatrist and a doctor multiple times over the years to no avail.

I am chronically tired physically. I wake up exhausted, I feel tired to the point of exhausted at work, and in social situations. I don't have an overly stressful work situation, nor do I feel like I am over-anxious about social outings (specifically, though I am frequently over anxious about things, to the point of casual OCD, like checking creditcard bills online multiple times a day, knowing they wont be updated, etc). I have also for quite some time felt extremely depressed (to the point of regular suicidal thoughts), which I have attempted to address through both talk therapy, as well as medication (various SSRI's) which I am currently on (only medication).

I feel almost abandoned by 5-6 therapists who have more or less said you are fine mostly through my own omission, or not reading into things enough, or pushing hard enough even when asked to. But at the same point, I am there because I don't know what to address, or what the issue is.

The physical exhaustion/lack of energy seems to have its easiest explanation in a depressed mood, but could it be something else? I am overweight, and had a typical college kid whos moved out and lives on takeout and pizza/beer diet, but have slowly been organizing my life. I took the list of "things that make you less depressed" to heart as much as possible, and have worked up to running 5k's (from not being able to run at all!), bike ~50 miles, and lost 30+lbs. I watch what I eat, and have slowly and sanely been losing weight. I sleep normal hours (7-8 hrs a night, standard bedtime/wake up time). I have tried a variety of diets (ie, less carbs, less refined sugars, no caffeine, none of which were 100%, but used as guidelines for a few weeks to see if they had any effect. Recently I've cut out all meats (vegetarian) and been doing that for 2-3 months with no ill effects. I have lived healthily for the last 2+ years (balanced diets, lots of water, getting out quite a bit).

I feel as though I shouldn't feel exhausted ALL the time, and be more motivated with this energy to do things (complete a few final classes, clean my apartment, be social), but all I feel like doing is sleeping most of the time, or feel like a zombie when im out and about, not really thinking more just observing.

So whats a depressed, but intelligent twenty something supposed to do? My doc is quick to put things off as normal (HMO syndrome?), and therapists seem useless.

Depressed about career choices

Anonymous — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 07:29:29 -0800

Depressed about career choices. I don't want to post this under my real name. Basically, I am worried that I am making a huge mistake with my life.

I'm pursuing work I hope I'll love in the field of mental health. But I am someone who also strongly feels the need to make a good living. I don't need to be rich, but I feel that with the salary I expect to make I'll feel poor.

It's not that I only care about money, but money represents certain things for me, like being respected and having power and choices. It really hurts my feelings when I see how other people my age have so much more than me, more choices, more freedom to do things that I can't afford. I feel like a "failure." It will help if I like my job, but I don't know if that's enough for me to accept making so little money. I'm tired of always having to count my pennies and be "cheap" in order to live within my means.

Thing is that if I didn't do this I don't know what I'd do. I think I'm smart--I did great in school--but somehow I don't seem to have the personality and skills that pay off in corporate settings. Consequently, I've never really done that well professionally.

I guess I'm not really sure what I'm asking but I could use a boost/vote of confidence/helpful advice because I'm in grad school and it's really tough to feel that maybe it's all a huge mistake. Do you think a grad degree can open other doors for me even if I don't pursue work in the field I'm studying? There are people I know who didn't even finish college who are incredibly successful in their careers. This makes me feel bad because I've just never been able to find where I belong. I am worried that working in this profession I'll feel like I'm "settling" because it doesn't meet what I feel is a minimum salary requirement for me to be happy.

Best depression-related communities online?

tastybrains — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 12:15:11 -0800

In your opinion, what are the best online resources for people with depression? (e.g. communities, forums, web-based magazines etc). My Google-fu sucks and I don't have it in me (too depressed, heh) to sift through page after page of crap, fake spammy sites advertising cheap antidepressants and the more "professional" but cookie-cutter sites like WebMD that all spout the same clinical crap over & over again.

I'm looking for interactive supportive sites for people dealing with somewhat severe depression. Do any exist? What are your favorites?

I guess I'm looking for someplace to go when it's 3 am and I still can't sleep and I need to read something that might make me a bit more optimistic about how I've been feeling for the past few months.

Emotional support for dogs?

monsta coty scott — Mon, 06 Jun 2005 13:49:15 -0800

How can you help a dog deal with the loneliness after the death of a sibling? My parents have two black labs. They are brother and sister from the same litter and have been together since birth (Spring of 1997). Just about every minute of their life has been spent together.

Recently the female dog started growing a tumor. They took her to the vet to have it inspected. While the female was at the vet (a few hours) the male dog howled and whimpered the entire time because he was without her. Once she was returned they both ran laps in the yard and seamed so happy to be reunited.

Unfortunately the tumor is inoperable and is growing at an alarming rate. The vet says that she isn't in pain at this time, but that within the next 4-6 weeks she will have to be put to sleep. Obviously this is going to have a great impact on the male dog if he howled for being without her for an afternoon. Do dogs get depressed the same as humans do? And how can help the male dog deal with the sudden loss of his sister?

My Mother half-heartedly thought about putting both dogs to sleep at the same time to save the male dog the pain, but knows she can't very well put down a completely healthy dog!

How to help a depressed dog?

lola — Sat, 10 Jan 2004 10:34:21 -0800

What can I do to help our dog (13 yrs. old, chow/sharpei mix) who is very depressed? My husband, who she absolutely adores, is on the fourth day of a 3 week business trip. She barely eats, walks around dejectly with her head and tail down, and spends most of her time sleeping in a corner by the front door. [more inside] Hoping it will help, when my husband calls every night, I've let him speak to her over the phone. Rather than comfort her, it seems to add to her confusion. She eats her treats and goes for her daily walks, without her usual enthusiasm. Since she could stand to lose a few pounds, the eating problem is not my main concern, it's her overall mental well-being that is worrying us.