Let's be friends, not roomies.

wild like kudzu — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 12:40:14 -0800

So, I want to move out of my apartment. I'm going to try to do things right, and I'm not trying to screw over my roommate (we have about 4 months left on the lease). It's a somewhat delicate situation, unfortunately there is (a lot) more inside... (sorry!) For anyone who has followed my posts regarding roommate drama, you'll know that I've had difficulty communicating with my roommate since we moved in. We fight once every month or once every other month. Usually it's over something incredibly minor, and it usually results in me getting a prolonged silent treatment from the dear roomie, regardless of the issue.

So... I feel like I've grown up a lot. I have tried to let every annoyance and inconvenience go that I possibly can. That's not to say that I forgot about them, but I've really tried hard to just deal with them on my own and not make them into a big deal because I just can't handle the way she talks to me when we discuss anything important. She usually raises her voice, and has been known to slam doors and then avoid me. It's all a big hassle, so I try to just let things go.

Well, that tactic has worked in that there have not been any significant arguments in a while, and on the face of things we seem to be getting along fine...

Except that there is a difference this time around. Usually I just apologize profusely for anything I could have possibly done wrong and try to get back on better terms. I'm still being nice, but this time something inside of me has shifted. I'm no longer worried about what she thinks of me, but I've become increasingly frustrated by the lack of respect she treats me and our apartment and things with.

I'm not writing this post to try to demonize her, just to explain that we're simply not getting along. I'd love to sit down and hash everything out with her, but according to her everything is always "fine". Well, fine it may be, but in the long run our relationship has become really unfair and one-sided. I do all the work, she does all the partying. I buy all the household supplies, she uses them. She leaves her stuff wherever, and I keep the apartment tidy.

I just feel... it's unfair. I feel like my efforts are wasted, that no one appreciates the work I've done, and when I've asked her for help with these things it never ends up happening and usually results in a stupid tiff that drives me batsh*t crazy with anxiety. Basically, I think I give up.

So, that being said, here's the meat of my question:

I have friends who have an open room in their house. I've known both of them for a while, and they've been living with each other for about 3 months. Since before they moved in, they asked me to live with them. I would love to. Their house is an upgrade in just about every way (about $150 cheaper a month, closer to school, they're both students so they keep hours more like mine (I go to bed at 11 and up at 8, my roommate goes to bed at 5 or 6 AM and wakes up around 4pm), there's a washer and dryer, it's prettier... the list goes on) and it seems perfect. I had been planning on waiting till our lease was up in April to move in with them, but as time has passed I've realized I don't think my situation here is going to improve much.

So, that being said, my roommate's best friend just broke up with her boyfriend and moved out of their apartment. She's right now crashing with friends, looking for a place to live.

I thought, "perfect!" because the timing could work out just exactly right. I could move within the month, and her best friend could take my place.

So.... given that my roommate is prone to fits of anger and can be incredibly sensitive when it comes to interpersonal discussion, I'd like to break the news in a peaceful and kind-hearted way.

It would seem that everything would fit together so perfectly, but I'm afraid that my roommate's recent disagreements with her friend may dissuade her from this change.

So I'm thinking that I should just say "Hey, I think I've come up with a solution to your friend's current living situation. My friends have a great room available for me, and the new place would be easier to afford and more convenient for me anyhow. Since I've paid December rent, I'm going to start working towards moving out by January 1st, and find someone to take my room. It seems perfect that your friend would move in, but if that's not to your liking I will put an ad on craigslist and start interviewing people"

I'm worried that, A, she's going to be upset. I don't want to be mean, just to make my life a little more livable. I'm also worried that if she doesn't want to live with her friend it's going to become a huge, drawn-out process of looking for a roommate-- I'm afraid that every potential roomie will be shot down, and I'll end up paying the rent for months.

I really don't want to lose her as a friend, but it doesn't seem that I can really avoid it.

Ugh. Any advice? Thanks for reading!

Warn and risk losing a friendship? Or just feign ignorance?

Anonymous — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:57:42 -0800

I have a delicate matter on my hands regarding a lady friend. I have recently discovered on the Internet a short movie of her, on a porn site, during which she was in a photo shoot. It isn't actual porn, she's just semi-nude.

The question is - how do I act? Do I tell her I have found the video? Warn her that it may come back later to harm her if she will become a public figure at some point? Or just pretend I didn't see it?

What do you suggest?

Does dry-cleaning induce colorfastness?

unknowncommand — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 12:32:22 -0800

Will dry-cleaning cause my comforter cover to be colorfast? I have a new comforter cover that is very bright blue with a thin, white-lined flower design.

It is very hard for me to wash it on delicate, as I do not have my own washer-dryer. I also worry that, even on delicate, the blue will run into the white; it has already gotten a tad moist, and this has occurred.

I am okay with dry-cleaning initially, but this will ick me out (and be a pain) in the long run. If I dry-clean once, will this affect its color fastness at all?

Don't Wanna Wreck Grandma's Closet

Medieval Maven — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 19:28:59 -0800

I need Cleaning Vintage Clothing 101. I have acquired, as part of costuming a show, a number of vintage pieces in varying conditions (mostly excellent to good condition). They all need to be cleaned and pressed. I am unsure how to to proceed, as this doesn't seem like the sort of thing one simply drops at the drycleaners and trips away thinking All Will Be Well. Do I look for a particular sort of drycleaners? One that advertises a particular sort of service? Do I soak the garments in a weak solution of Oxy Clean or similar? Does what sort of fabric it is matter?

For context, I have worked with "vintage" clothes before, but these are from the 40's, and the other things I've dealt with have been from the 60's and 70's primarily, so not as old and usually of manmade fibers. I'm dealing with crepe, satin, linen, vintage millinery (no, really), tulle, lace, rayon, wool, and cotton.

Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with delicate

Let's be friends, not roomies.

Warn and risk losing a friendship? Or just feign ignorance?

Does dry-cleaning induce colorfastness?

Don't Wanna Wreck Grandma's Closet