http://ask.metafilter.com/tags/defenses Questions tagged with 'defenses' at Ask MetaFilter. Sun, 19 Nov 2006 06:56:35 -0800 Sun, 19 Nov 2006 06:56:35 -0800 en-us http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 60 http://ask.metafilter.com/51248/How%2Dto%2Dovercome%2Ddefenses%2Dand%2Dlose%2Dthe%2Demotional%2Dbaggage How to overcome defenses and lose the emotional baggage? I had a screwy childhood (not quite Running with Scissors, but not that far off either). Consequently, I'm a deeply sensitive person and I think I've got overdeveloped emotional defenses.<br> <br> It's not so much that I act defensive and mean and angry to others; it's more that my expectations for other people, especially men (I'm a woman) are usually low. So when I'm dating someone I might tend to be suspicious about whether they are "interested in only one thing" or what their true motives are. Although I am not confrontational and don't have a temper, this does come out in little ways that affect my relationships. I might meet a really great guy, but I'll still expect him to let me down. Not healthy, obviously.<br> <br> Thing is, these negative expectations are quite persistently entrenched! It is very hard to overcome automatic patterns of thought. <br> <br> So...what has worked for you? Yes, I'm in therapy, but there must be things I can do on my own...books, exercises, etc. First of all, I want to avoid having defensive thoughts, but when that's not possible, what's the best way to explain oneself after you've screwed and patch things over without making things a bigger deal than they already are? tag:ask.metafilter.com,2006:site.51248 Sun, 19 Nov 2006 06:56:35 -0800 baggage defenses emotional psychology relationships Anonymous