Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with decisions

City mouse or Country mouse?

Sustainable Chiles — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 15:35:53 -0800

Help me find resources that can help me decide if I'll actually be happy moving to a smaller town. I'm a city boy, having grown up in Victoria BC. It's about 300,000 people, not huge, but it's a city. I like it here in many ways, it's a beautiful, interesting city, though it can be a little sleepy (New York it is not). I've lived here for most of my 37 years. I appreciate being able to get around town by bicycle and on foot, all year long. I also like urban food culture, live shows and dancing.

I also like the outdoors, nature, wilderness and I'm increasingly pulled towards thoughts of having a bit of land, growing food, permaculture and natural building. I teach public school, and can therefore find work in most any sizable community, at least within my Province.

I'm currently single and have, for the time being, become somewhat frustrated with the whole 'dating scene'. I have had serious, long term relationships before. I know I'd like to have one again and I definitely want kids one day. I am male.

The last few years I have being mentally toying with the idea of moving to a small town, purchasing a few acres and pursuing elements of my permaculture and natural building dreams. I'm also tempted by thoughts of being able to get out to 'outdoor sports' locations far quicker than I can from the city. This was also a dream pursued by my most significant, recent ex; she has since gone the other direction and moved to a much larger urban center.

In some ways this is a convenient time for me to just pack up and move, having just sold my house, and being single. Yet part of me wonders at how the likelihood of meeting a 'special someone' while living outside a small town. I also wonder if my city boy brain can actually fathom the reality of small town/rural life. It can sound very idyllic, but I recognize that I have no real experience of it, just a bunch of vague ideals.

So my questions boil down to:

- Have you made this move (to a small town) with little previous experience of the life, especially as a single? How was it?
- Do you know of any good books, websites, stories etc..., exploring this conundrum.
- What is your opinion or experience of 'country dating' for displaced urbanites in their late 30s?
- Any other comments or thoughts?

Critical Thinker

jasondigitized — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:11:47 -0800

What are some tools and techniques I can use to become a better critical thinker? I asked my friend the other day what he got out of his tier-1 education and he said it taught him how to 'think through problems'. What exactly did his professors teach him about critical thinking? If I memorize the logical fallacies or make a pro's and con's list will I be a better thinker? Is 'going with your gut' an approved tactic in this pursuit? What things do you do to think through a problem and come up with rock solid plans, decisions, and recommendations?

What motivates seagulls to fly away from the flock?

marcurios — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:12:34 -0800

So, I'm sitting on the beach and a large flock of seagulls more or less simultaneously settle on the sand together, all facing the same direction. Intermittantly, individual birds will take off from the group and fly away. What is the motivation and even better, the decision process, for these rebel birds to depart from the flock at that particular moment?

Help me decide whether to go to business school

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:15:50 -0800

I'm trying to decide whether to go to business school (I was admitted to a top 5 school in the US), or earn an academic masters program on a full fellowship in Europe. I have to decide right away, as school is about to start and I just can't resolve my concerns. I'm not sure how much of a business person I am (although I've done some entrepreneurial things in the past). I just graduated from college (although I'm a bit over the traditional age), and I'm not really sure what I want to do with my life. Business school costs about $100k. The free masters program is much more academic -- and I'm eager to live abroad. How do I approach this decision? I've made pro and con lists, meditated, "listened to my heart" and so many things. My mind changes every five minutes as I think about different aspects of the decision. Help! I'm not sure what I "want to be when I grow up". When I was a kid, I wanted to be a lawyer and a writer -- and if I go to business school, I close the door on being a lawyer. I still want to explore a lot of things, and I'm afraid of being so much in debt when I go off to do that. On the other hand, I want to be economically secure and do have interests in entrepreneurship and other business careers.

Mortified and terrified: I got stopped for shoplifting. What to do?

Anonymous — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 05:18:21 -0800

Stopped and fined for shoplifting for the first time. What to do with the confusing letter I received, the non-responding phone #, and the fine. Last week, I was stopped at a large grocery store chain for shoplifting a bottle of shampoo. Yes, things are that bad for me financially. I had never been stopped before. This is all new to me. The security guy stopped me quietly, took a report, and let me go. He said that I might be charged something by (the store), or I might not get charged, and that the issue would stay between me and the store. Today I got a letter that says that I must pay $275 in the next 7 days or I will be taken to court.

The letter says that according to the law, they can charge me up to $500, in addition to actual damages incurred (in this case, about $11 for the shampoo, but they took that back). It says "In this case, the actual damages equal (the cost of damage to)". Yes, that's exactly what it says. It further says if I want to settle without a civil matter, I should send $275 within 7 days. It later says, "Payment or non-payment of the amount demanded will have no effect on the criminal prosecution of any alleged theft by local law enforcement officials". That doesn't make sense to me, even after several readings. It gives a number to call, which I did, and I left a message and got no call back.

I want to find out if this amount is negotiable and if I have any other options. I do NOT want this to show up in any court action. I do not want anyone I know to EVER find out about this. I am mortified. Obviously, $275 is a difficult amount for me if I was caught taking an $11 bottle of shampoo, especially having no prior record whatsoever.

So I'm upset that there is a fine, and I take responsibility for my actions, but the (high) amount will make things even more difficult for more financially, and I fear these guys won't respond to my calls at all.

I know YANML, and please, I'm not looking for moral slapdowns (I feel bad enough as it is), but any advice would be appreciated.

You can contact me directly at onfourfeet@yahoo.com if you want. Thanks.

Should I stay or should I go?

semp — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 08:33:32 -0800

Should I stay or should I go? I started college a year ago. Since then, I've found two horrible jobs: one which doesn't pay me unless I fight for it, and the other, until recently, was good but due to one small mix-up has taken a turn for the worse. The second company I have a contract with. Quitting that job would result in me paying back a years worth of rent, which I can hardly afford. I can, however, move within the company, meaning that I don't have to stay at this location.

For a while before both jobs took a turn for the worse, I was contemplating moving out to the west coast (namely Seattle) and finishing college there. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy at my current school, I just think that as a computer science major with a part-time commitment to another company (therefore during the summer I have to stay in the area) I would have more opportunities on the West Coast than I would in the Chicago-Indianapolis area. After weighing the pros and the cons I thought that staying at my current school would be the best for me. I'm not the best student here, but I have myself set up for success. I am in a position where nearly every professor in the department knows and likes me, and I have quite a few contacts at companies that I would risk losing by moving.

Then the problems with my job and the college itself started. Something happened at job #2 that was one of those "it's not your fault, but we need someone to blame" issues. Now I've been hit with a level of resentment that makes it impossible to get anything done or feel any sort of comfort in my work environment. At school I found out that for the second year in a row I am being refused the right to file my FAFSA as an independent despite being one on several levels, including taxes (filing as a dependent I am not eligible for any aide, but the idea of my parents contributing to my education is rather laughable). So now I'm back where I started. I need to finish the last year of my lease, but if I decide to move I'm probably going to take the year off of college and just work. I've talked about this all with my boyfriend (he's been my substitute family since I moved out almost, so his opinion does count) and he thinks it's ludicrous that I would give up my advantages for the unknown, especially since he plans to stay here for grad school (I don't think he'll make it in, so I don't know how seriously to take that concern, but that's a different story).

Pros:
Better working environment
Extensive world-wide travel (my contemporaries on the West Coast do world travel frequently)
A chance to see a new place (never been to Washington, and only Southern California)
Better chances at an internship and real part-time experience
Possibly more networking with companies
Different outlook on academics/new teaching style
Small (~$1,500) tuition decrease for out-of-state, Larger (~$5,000) if I can find a way to get in-state

Cons:
Boyfriend thinks I should stay/is staying
Almost have in-state tuition
Already very well established in my current area
Highly thought of despite not being strong academically
Loan companies will probably expect me to start paying them back (since I've been out of school for 6 months)

There are more factors that play in, but those are on an emotional level. I could add them into this, but I think in the end those have to be my choices and it would be pointless to act as if it were otherwise. What do I do?

Snow white and the seven male roommates

rachaelfaith — Sun, 31 May 2009 17:39:51 -0800

I am a female college student who has decided to live with 7 males around the same age. Help me cope with this radical change and make it through the year without flipping my lid or regretting my decision! I have lived in this 'college house' for the past two years, with mostly females and occasionally one or two guys. Due to strange [and rude] circumstances, my roommates interviewed people to move in and sign a new lease without asking if I wanted to re-sign.

Luckily, the 7 guys they showed the house to said if I wanted to stay and keep my room, they would turn one of their bedrooms into a double.

The majority of them seem like nice guys, though a few have confessed that one or two of their group are hard partiers and troublemakers. Two days in, and only 3 of them having moved in, I'm already balking a bit.

They are noisy, rambunctious and seem like they want to hold parties every other night. How do I set ground rules without coming off like a bitch? Will I likely adjust to the noise level?

I should note that I am generally less girly than my female friends and I have always wanted to live with more guys than girls, so I'm willing to give and take a bit.

Guys, any tips on how to work with this? Girls, have you ever been in this situation? Thanks, all!

What can I do to feel more positive and confident while riding out uncertaintiy in "transitional" phases of my life?

Chrysalis — Mon, 25 May 2009 18:30:31 -0800

What can I do to feel more positive and confident while riding out uncertaintiy in "transitional" phases of my life? I'm in my mid 20s, and after a pretty traumatic breakup, have just moved back to my home town. I haven't lived here for 3 years, and while it's great to be back amongst my old friends and have a chance for a fresh start, it's also quite unsettling that I haven't got a long-established routine or a clear future plan now. I'm trying to use this as a time to reconsider what I want for my life (now that my plans with my partner won't be happening) and get in touch with who I really am etc... but I can't help feeling uneasy about the fact that nothing's really happening right now... I'm about to start studying, I've applied for a job, I'm keeping busy with training for my sport, but right at this moment there's nothing major that I'm passionately working on and towards, that I can pin all my hopes on (I realise this is unhealthy and almost definitely the cause of a lot of my unhappiness).

I've felt similarly before, and always just either stayed in an unhappy situation to avoid this happening and tried to "make it work", or jumped into a poor but distracting situation to avoid having to go through this. These situations have been both geographical, career or relationship situations, but my response so far has always been the same.

This time I want to stick it out and not just run away from it. I feel like this is my chance to become more authentically "me" and comfortable with that, and make better choices from that position, and hopefully end up being comfortable and reasonably happy day to day without it being pinned on some future awesomeness, but I keep being tempted to either run away (distract myself with things I don't really want or literally move overseas again) or hide in my room forever cos it's just too hard.

What can I do to face this time in a positive, constructive manner?

I need to start my life without worrying so much about the consequences of my decisions

mind2body — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 01:20:50 -0800

I'm afraid of making big decisions in my life because I worry too much on what other people will think of me and I feel it will close to many other doors ...(long) I am a 21 year old female who will be finishing community college this summer. I purposely put off applying to any universities for this upcoming fall because school is NOT helping me figure out my life right now. So that I will not be wasting money on a degree that I don't love, I want to take the time off to find the real me. I have less than a year to discover who I am to become until I apply to college for next fall. I have to make decisions on what I should do. I am so afraid that anything I decide to do will jeopardize any future plans.

I'm broke and I have no money to travel. I have personally traveled around the world many times with my family so I think traveling would not help me decide on what to do with my life. It would seem to be more like running away from life rather than making something happen. I am desperately wanting to do something, anything in the real world. The future seems bleak because of the economy and the status of the job market.

I have thought of joining the americorps...but I have already volunteered extensively and I don't think this experience would help me because I have done it so many times before. It does not give me as much satisfaction as it did before.

I enjoy the cultural aspects of life, the things that makes us human. Social psychology, cultural anthropology, history and so forth.... Its what I am passionate about. International relations? I am not quite as interested in the political aspects of other countries. I don't want to teach but I want to help people. Counseling seems interesting to me but I would feel stuck in an office.

Most of my career dreams involve traveling and meeting people. I thrive on adventure. Yet, I am kind of shy around new people and I am terrified on being on my own as a female in such a male dominated world. I love my family and friends so it is hard to take the initiative to do anything with travel. Though I don't want to have a job where I am gone all the time at least not when I am 50 years old. I want to be home and available for my future husband and kids.

How do I get over this fear and actually start something in my life without worrying so much about what other people think? What should I do with my time, if anything?

Whit's the game, back hame?

Happy Dave — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 03:49:39 -0800

Calling Scottish MeFites and fellow Scottish diaspora - what's the job market like in Scotland at the moment, and am I mad to be considering moving back? Like many Scots, I moved down to England for a job after university. I've been down in London for nearly five years now, and I'm thinking about moving back to Scotland in the next two years, possibly sooner.

I've been in the job market since 2004, first working in the training/comms side of IT consulting, and now for the last two years as a writer and business analyst in recruitment advertising. Lately I've been thinking both about general life direction, and about missing Scotland (I blame the Scotland's History thing that's been playing on the Beeb, cursed iPlayer).

I've got a general plan over the next five or six years to save up and go back to uni to get a post-grad in Outdoor Education, and then to work in that field (not as random as it first appears, I did a lot of that with the TA before going down the comms path), so there's a few things I'm trying to work out:

1) Does it make sense to stay in a (reasonably secure I think) London job, save like heck and go up to Scotland once I've saved, while building outdoor experience as best I can in the South of England

or...

2) Should I (Can I?) take a similar paying, similar type of job in Scotland, or perhaps a paycut, but have the benefit of being close to friends and family, close to mountains and the sea and possibly getting more living space for the same or less money?

Any Mefites who have done this, are doing this or are currently living in Scotland? What's the job market like? The job searches I'm doing aren't telling me much (except that I'd be sorted if I was a tax consultant or wanted to work for a bank).

I'm from Edinburgh originally, and would likely want to live in or around there, but would consider other areas if there were drastic differences in jobs markets or cost of living.

Navigating uncertainty

concourse — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 05:51:07 -0800

How do you know if you're doing the right thing? What sort of workaday, mental rules-of-thumb do you use to ensure your thoughts or actions are best suited to deal with an uncertain (moral or otherwise) situation?

Maybe you already use a range of 'mental heuristics', such as these.

Or perhaps you abide by one simple principle, like Abraham Lincoln's: "When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion."

In general, what on-the-fly thinking works best for you (i.e., no pen and paper around to sketch and figure things out with)?

I'm 26 and am very confused about whether or not I should extend my study abroad trip

starpoint — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:43:53 -0800

My mother thinks I should stay home. I'm having an internal conflict about what I want to do. Whenever I tell myself I want to return to Copenhagen, I immediately doubt it and think I should return home. If I say I want to go home, I feel like I will regret not returning to Copenhagen forever. I'm 26 and a graduate student. I have lived in the same town my entire life, going through all of my schooling there (preschool through college) and also I am enrolled in grad school there (at the same university where I did my undergrad). I was living at home while going to school.

My grad program is 2 years long and this is the first half of my second year. I decided to study abroad in Copenhagen for the Fall semester to try something different. I've had a good time here overall, yet I feel like a semester is too short and there were a lot of things I wanted to do but didn't have enough time to do (such as traveling around Denmark and Europe, experiencing more of the Danish culture). It's just taken me 3 months to get used to it and now I only have a month left before it's time to go home.

Therefore I am considering the idea of returning to Copenhagen after the holidays (I'm going home for at least a month for Christmas and New Year's). Both my school in Denmark AND my school at home say it's possible.

I am living off of federal loan money and I will have considerable debt after graduation next December. But I am not taking out any more loans than I would have had I not gone abroad. I feel that I will be in debt no matter what so I may as well make it count for something.

My mother is not happy about me wanting to return to Copenhagen after the holidays. She did say that it's my life and I have to do what I want, plus she told me I didn't have to justify my reasons for wanting to go back. So I thought she was cool with it, even if she was sad.

But then last night she sent me an email asking me to reconsider; that her heart is broken far more than I can imagine. She said that she wishes she could tell me how much I am needed at home, and that she has a strong feeling that I should stay home, that it may be intuition and that she wants our family together again. She said she had a lot of fun things planned for us to do while I was at home in the Spring. Also she said I would save money.

I feel horrible and I have no idea what to do now. I don't know if I should just stay home or if I should go back abroad or what. I feel that a lot of her arguments are emotional (except for the one about saving money) and that it's just hard because I've never lived away from home. Plus she isn't married so I think she has put a lot of her focus on my brother and me. I don't know if it's just empty nest syndrome or if I am being selfish by wanting to experience another country for 5 more months. I will be home for good in June, until I graduate and decide the next step to take in life.

I haven't responded to her email yet and I don't know what to say. I'm doubting whether or not I want to return to Copenhagen. What if her intuition is right?? If I go back abroad and something horrible happens to me?

On the other hand, I am 26 years old and I'm the only one of my friends who still lives at home and has never ventured off. So it's not like I am being completely out of line by wanting to stay a little longer...right? I have a good relationship with my mother and I don't want this to drive a wedge between us. I don't want to hurt her. But I have to make decisions about what is right for me...I just don't know what the right decision to make is. How can I help her cope with this?

Thanks for any suggestions and I know this question was long.

Help me make better decisions in the morning

dcrocha — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 10:14:23 -0800

How do I make better decisions in the morning? I hate waking up early in the morning, and because of this I end up screwing up a lot of things when getting out of bed. Some examples of stupid decisions taken just so I could sleep a bit longer: missing classes and exams, medical appointments, not going to the gym, missing (many) flights, not answering important phone calls, and the list is very long.

I seem not to have good judgment when deciding whether or not to get out of bed. How can I improve that?

Laptop, Desktop, or Both?

allfortheBoss — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:03:08 -0800

Should I get a desktop or a laptop or both? My Dell latitude D500 Laptop was stolen about a month ago. I had upgraded that thing as much as it would take (2G of RAM, 100G Hard Drive, etc.) It worked for what I needed it for, but I new I was going to be needing a new computer soon. Now that it was stolen, I really need one.
I do graphic design, publishing layout, some video editing, web design, etc. using Adobe Master Collection CS3 which I own for Windows (it was running on XP before). I run my own business so accounting and spreadsheet software is important to me. I don't like slow things, I don't like waiting for the computer to catch up with me. I like using multiple monitors.
I have been going back and forth between buying a desktop computer with a whole lot of power to set up in my home office to do everything I need and a portable laptop to have with me on the go (conventions, etc.) I do use a blackberry so a lot of what I would need a laptop for is already taken care of with that, it is mainly the convience of being able to fix something or mash something up on the go when I am on a convention or something like that.

What are your thoughts? Laptop, Desktop or Both?

Thanks

Convince me not to get a Thinkpad!

Phire — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:19:38 -0800

What are some reasons NOT to get a Lenovo Thinkpad R61? I'm pretty enarmoured with this laptop and I want to be sure it's a good decision. I've more or less decided to buy a Lenovo Thinkpad R 14.1" -

Core 2 DUO T8100
80 GB 5400 RPM
1 GB PC2-5300 (2 Dimm)
WGAX+ TFT
Intel GMA X2100 GM965
6 cell battery
3 year warranty
14.1", DVD RW, webcam, etc
Vista, unfortunately.

(I have spare parts to upgrade the RAM and the HD)

Primary use for this computer will be 2D graphics editing, occasional video/audio editing, the usual browsing/wordprocessing etc. with a bit more usage volume multi-tasking than the average user. Total cost comes to around $1400 CDN after tax and shipping.

The actual question: I've been burned pretty badly before in the past with a refurb Gateway and their nonexistent customer service. Doing research into Lenovo's customer service generates as many "Lenovo is a world-class first rate company" from most likely paid reviews as "Lenovo SUCKS and I HATE THE WORLD."

Apart from the shipping system issue they ran into around the holiday season of last year (has that been resolved yet?) what is your opinion on Lenovo's quality, service and reputation? Anecdotes welcome.

I cho-choose you

about_time — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 04:56:05 -0800

I am a member of an academic committee that handles award nominations. Our job is to chose which of many internal applicants may apply for an external award. Often such awards accept just 1 or 2 applicants from a single organization. What is the most transparent and fair process for making such decisions? Alternatively, what are problems you've faced on similar committees? In terms of transparency, I am looking for a process that allows us to say ahead of time "here are the rules by which we will make all decisions" and then afterwards "here are the decisions we made in this particular case and why". The people who are submitting applications are my peers, that is, I can't simply say "I'm the boss, that's why". I'm also concerned with bruised egos from saying, "X is better than you."

I don't need suggestions for a full process from me-fi, just some rules or vague suggestions for what you think is important. For example, "If it is the last year that someone is eligible for an award, they receive a preference" as some awards are early career awards.

Thanks for you help.

Genuinely Fair

netbros — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 03:44:28 -0800

Now that the primary season is over and major party nominees have been determined for the upcoming U.S. presidential and congressional elections, please help me find unbiased, non-partisan, impartial news and commentary outlets to follow the campaigns. I would really like to avoid mouthpieces and parrots like Fox News, Kos, Sullivan, Reynolds, et. al. Presumably it is still actually possible to get balanced coverage of candidates, parties, and affiliations. Where are they? Any media are fine; TV, radio, newspaper, magazine, internet. As always, thanks in advance for your assistance.

counseling and advice

diode — Wed, 28 May 2008 07:01:03 -0800

I'm in a bit of a jam economically. I've got to make some decisions on how to proceed. Where can I go for advice and counseling on my best course of action? I don't want to post my travails here on AskMeFi. Suffice it to say that Fat City is over for now and I'm in an economically unsustainable scenario. I've got to make some life changes and wish I had some resources for making better decisions. Are there websites where people are getting support and insight? Perhaps counseling of various kinds?

I have perhaps one person I can talk to about my situation with honesty other than my partner, who is part of the problem.

Where do you go for some real-world advice and perhaps some social support while you make changes?

Online expert system/decision tree software?

hatmandu — Tue, 20 May 2008 09:46:59 -0800

I'm looking for a script (ideally PHP) to run a website which asks various questions and then suggests the 'best fit' answer, in the manner of an expert system. Examples of the sort of thing I have in mind are the Search by Sight facility at Fonts.com or the 20 Questions game at 20Q.net (the latter uses some sort of neural network simulation, I think). Even just a decision tree tool would be good, though I guess that's more rigid. (I've seen this thread but that doesn't seem to answer my question.) Any ideas?

Rocks and hard places

Anonymous — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 10:27:05 -0800

Passed on a challenging job offer for the sake of an easy life, how do I stop kicking myself? Lengthy explanation follows... I've recently been involved in a mad couple of months trying to line up a new job for when my current contract ends in June and was finally faced with a choice between Job A and Job B, both working on digital/web projects:

Job A is permanent and well within my skill-set, on an interesting project at a venerable but progressive organisation with lovely, knowledgeable people who work well as a team, great location within a 20 minute commute and fantastic pay/benefits. Within the remit of the post I'll have a lot of freedom and be able to contribute straight away. The downside is the context - policy and law based stuff, largely text, which makes my heart sink a little. But it will give me more time and headspace for outside interests (including resuming a non-related study course) along with the opportunity to build up a big chunk of savings very quickly.

Job B is a 12 month contract (taking over from someone else's maternity leave), very big responsibility, above my level of experience and slightly outside my skillset, managing people and workflows rather than my own work, and with an hour's commute. BUT! The content is amazing, lots of mixed media, on a big public project for a respected national institute. Basically, lots of 'Wow' and 'doing good in the world' factor. But it will take-up a lot of energy and personal resource and is offering £11k less than Job A with fewer benefits (no pension etc).

So! Had this been a year ago I would have jumped at job B. In fact that's exactly what I did a year ago, moving from the country to the city for a similar gig at a similar organisation. And I've spent the last year struggling to get my head round the job/organisation, hating the commute and worrying about finances. Also, despite the amazing content, the job itself turned out to be a bit of a nightmare due to a deeply political, non-progressive culture within the organisation and it's been a constant struggle to get much of anything done. I have had almost NO life outside work during this time, but I have gained a lot of experience very quickly and it looks great on my CV.

So, getting both new offers on the same day, I accepted Job A on the basis that I don't want to be in the position I'm in now in 12 months time - little savings, and the added pressure of needing to find another job just as the one I'm in hits the period of greatest intensity. I also think oversold myself in the interview for job B - I'm not actually sure that i am the person they need and I'd have to spend a lot of time getting up to speed. This last point has been the same for almost every job I've had so far and although I've done good work, learnt and grown loads as a result, I know I'm a bit burnt out (I'm 32, single, no dependents, with about 8 jobs in 10 years behind me).

But now I feel terrible for passing up on job B, like I sold out totally for an easy life, that I missed the chance of another potentially amazing gig just because of a bad experience in my current job, and that I've chickened out of being stretched and challenged and am now a boring person with a dull job and no integrity. I'm also slightly spooked by the 'permanence' of job A, after being used to contracts.

How do i get past this feeling? Can anyone lend any perspective? Tell me what made you get off the job-hopping wheel? What made it worth the compromise?

Big Company or Small Company?

sweetkid — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:56:36 -0800

Big company or small company? I've been working for progressively smaller companies for the last few years. My last company was tiny, and I enjoyed it a lot...until I was laid off with no warning. Now I am considering offers from a large company (worldwide) and a very small one. What are the pros/cons? My heart says small company, due to the good experiences I had in the past and the fact that I like the people, but my brain says bigger company has more resources, opportunities, etc. I need to decide by tomorrow, please help! All other things are equal, salary, benefits, etc. I'm a project manager.

Better is work experience where love is, than a fulltime job and hatred therewith.

Anonymous — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 07:57:23 -0800

How do I tell if I really liked the job or the people? I have been doing work experience with a large company, and now have been offered a job with them. I'm thinking I will take it, because I have really enjoyed my work experience with them - I enjoyed my work, and was happy to turn up to work every day. However, I can't tell how much of my positive feeling about the job comes from the work I did, and how much was the individuals I've been working with. My coworkers have all been awesome people, some of whom I became friends with out of work. That's great, but were I to take the job, it is likely I would be working in a completely separate department with completely different people (still doing the same work). People I've met from other departments have also been very friendly, but I guess I feel that I am unlikely to find the same environment, and I don't know how much the idea of that environment is influencing me. It doesn't help that I have no experience at any other real job to compare with. I would just take it and see how it goes, but the job is in a different city so it seems like a big decision.

Given that you probably don't actually know what I'm thinking, I guess I'd like to know how to understand my own motivations and influences when making the decision.

(Anon because I'm shy and there are almost definitely coworkers on mefi. Follow up at not.that.weird@gmail.com)

I (would like to) use anarchy

cadge — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 18:33:49 -0800

What books or web resources are there for learning about practical anarchism? I'm interested more in faciliating group decisions and consensus rather than in political/theoretical aspects. A while back, I went to a talk given by some street medics with anarchist leanings. Part of what they described involved their methods for coming to decisions as a group - all sitting down and discussing, reaching consensus, etc.

I am really interested in this - not so much the political angles and theory of anarchism but the practical aspects, how it's actually carried out, group decisions rather than decision by hierarchy.

Are there any useful books or web resources out there for learning about practical anarchism? I'm not even sure if I'm using the right search terms - does this kind of thing go by other names?

Did you feel good about chopping off all your hair?

fermion — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 11:56:12 -0800

Have you ever had long hair, then cut it short? How did you feel about it? I think a similar question has appeared here before, but I can't seem to track it down--and I think this one comes at it from a different angle, anyway.

For nearly a decade, I've had long hair, down past the small of my back. I've never dyed or heat-treated it, so it's undamaged and usually shiny. People compliment me on it frequently, and make distressed noises when I talk about cutting it ("oh, you can't, it's so pretty!") It's reasonably low-maintenance, requiring little more than washing, brushing, and a simple trim every few months (I've come to think of long-hair-in-a-ponytail as the Standard Unisex Geek Hair, adopted by most of my geek friends who don't want to have to think about hair products or finding a decent barber.)

However, I've come to feel it's time for a change. I've often thought of cutting it short: for a different look, a lighter head, a larger variety of haircut options, easier day-to-day care, the ability to experiment with different colors, the sheer invigorating effect of change. I've always shied away out of fear that I'll regret destroying my several years' investment. However, according to Daniel Gilbert's Stumbling On Happiness, my own hypotheses on how I'll respond to future situations are likely to be only marginally accurate. Gilbert cites studies showing that asking other people how they felt in a certain situation is a much more reliable way to predict how I myself will feel.

So: tell me about your experiences divesting yourself of all your lovely hair. Did you gradually go shorter and shorter, or did you cut it all off at once? Did you regret it? Did you feel liberated? Did you have mixed feelings? Did you enjoy it initially but come to feel differently later? Did the process of growing it out again drive you mad?

Bun in the oven

Snoogylips — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 22:21:20 -0800

We have been married for exactly one year and one month. My husband just lost his job and I am working part time. We just found out that we are pregnant with our first child. With recently losing his job my husband asked me if i would consider giving the baby up for adoption. Have you ever had an experience like this before? Did you give your child up even in a marriage? How did it effect your life now? Its something he asked me today but its a really hard decision. It takes more than money to raise a child. He says he is not ready. My family would probably tell me to do what we think is best. I'm sure his parents would encourage adoption. do you have any experiences that would help?