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Help me help them now that she's passed on

My grandmother died this morning. I'm going home to help out the family, but I would like to make a list of things I might not remember before I leave so that we don't forget anything. [more inside]
posted by Unicorn on the cob on Aug 12, 2009 - 23 answers


I have two friends; their parents are (separately) dying. How to help? Neither are in U.S./U.K./CAN.

I would like to help my friends, if I can; two of them are individually dealing with incredibly stressful and sad health-related situations related to their parents. [more inside]
posted by taz on Aug 8, 2009 - 7 answers

What happens when police find dead people?

What happens when police find dead people? [more inside]
posted by bensherman on Aug 3, 2009 - 15 answers

Help me avoid the Darwin Awards shortlist

How can one safely convince a teeming mass of bees to vacate a crack in the exterior wall of a brick building, so that the crack can be filled in? [more inside]
posted by Beardman on Aug 3, 2009 - 28 answers

Offer music at a wake?

I've recently learned that someone I used to know from when we were both much younger, has died. I knew him only in the context of church and we'd pal around on those Sundays, but we hadn't spoken in years. It's been suggested to me, by my parents, who still attend the church (I don't), that I might play some music at the wake, since I'm a violinist. But it seems to me this might be inappropriate for a few reasons. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 22, 2009 - 10 answers

How scary is blood, really?

How scary is blood, really? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2009 - 29 answers

How to balance work/life with a dying parent?

My mother has been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She has decided to stop treatment as chemotherapy is not working and surgery/radiation is not an option. The oncologist estimates she has about one month left. I have the option of taking FMLA and spending all of my time with her during her last days if I want. But I am not sure that would be the healthiest option for me. My mother says just take a day or two a week and try to live as normal a life as possible. But I feel selfish living my life while she is dying. Any one ever have a similar experience?
posted by burlsube on Jul 9, 2009 - 36 answers

How do I prepare for the death of my mother?

how do i prepare for the death of my mother?... for which i am completely, utterly, unprepared.... more inside... [more inside]
posted by unlucky.lisp on Jul 7, 2009 - 24 answers

Disinherit me, please!

What steps do I have to take to ensure I do not inherit anything from my family's estate, even if I'm included in the will? [more inside]
posted by medea42 on Jul 1, 2009 - 17 answers

Did my friend feel any pain when he died?

I just found out yesterday that someone that I cared very deeply for died a few years ago from an overdose of heroin. I have a few questions regarding the nature of his death and etiquette surrounding contacting his family. [more inside]
posted by zerokey on Jun 26, 2009 - 15 answers

If your loved one is murdered, do the police really make you identify the body?

After a murder or sudden death, do the deceased's family members really have to go down to the morgue to "identify the body" or is this just a dramatic construct of movies and television? [more inside]
posted by hamsterdam on Jun 26, 2009 - 25 answers

Going to a funeral viewing--what do I do?

A friend's father just died, and I will be attending the viewing on Sunday. I don't know what to do about the body. [more inside]
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty on Jun 26, 2009 - 24 answers

Necrosis is a scary word

My grandmother's doctor just phone and used the words "Necrotic tissue". I'm now crapping myself. Should I be...? [more inside]
posted by twine42 on Jun 23, 2009 - 7 answers

How do you deal with the unexpected death of a spouse?

Have you lost a spouse at a very young age? How did you cope? [more inside]
posted by mrbill on Jun 21, 2009 - 73 answers

Dial M for Acidophilus

Has there ever been a documented case of death by drowning in yogurt?
posted by boots on Jun 18, 2009 - 3 answers

How can I find out if an online friend has died?

I believe an online friend may have died, but I am not sure. I know relatively few details, but I am wondering if there is some sort of obituary or death record search I could use to confirm my suspicion. [more inside]
posted by liesbyomission on Jun 9, 2009 - 11 answers

Please help me deal with my father's sudden passing.

My (estranged) father just died. I don't know if he left a will. What are my next steps? [more inside]
posted by haplesschild on Jun 8, 2009 - 18 answers

Seeking stories of men and women who -- either by way of adventure or by circumstance -- succumbed to the elements after a protracted attempt at survival...

I've read and loved the histories of Sir Robert Falcon Scott, James Kim, George Mallory, S. A. Andrée, et cetera, and now I would like to be pointed towards more stories of men and women who -- either by way of adventure or by circumstance -- succumbed to the elements after a protracted attempt at survival... preferably leaving a rich and well-written-about story. [more inside]
posted by cadastral on Jun 5, 2009 - 14 answers

Explaining death and funerals to toddlers

Should my 18-month old niece attend my grandmother's funeral? [more inside]
posted by Lleyam on Jun 4, 2009 - 28 answers

How can I find my dead cat?

How can I find my dead cat? [more inside]
posted by the_arbiter on Jun 3, 2009 - 22 answers

Which hospice?

We've come into a situation where we will need hospice care soon. What hospice do you recommend in the Tulsa, OK area?
posted by drleary on May 25, 2009 - 3 answers

Comforting words for close friends.

Searching for short poetry (or prose?) appropriate to send 2 close friends who have had sudden family deaths shake their foundations. [more inside]
posted by malibustacey9999 on May 20, 2009 - 19 answers

That weird mega man dying video on youtube

I remember a year ago this strange, japanese video on youtube that featured mega man dying. It was all him dying of the stupidest things, all the ways you can die and some stuff added from the "otaku" scene or whatever. [more inside]
posted by PowerCat on May 20, 2009 - 5 answers

Meet you at the cemetry gates

How can I best prepare for death or, I guess, the process of dying? [more inside]
posted by milarepa on May 15, 2009 - 39 answers

Can you help me find an explanation for the black spots on my mother-in-law's eyes as she neared death?

What might have caused black spots to form and grow on my mother-in-law's eyes as she was dying from pancreatic cancer and the inevitable infections that go along with cancer and its treatment? I'm hoping someone with a similar experience or someone in the medical field might be able to tell us something that the doctors here couldn't. [more inside]
posted by ElDiabloConQueso on May 14, 2009 - 4 answers

Should I shade my friend's death?

A seemingly clean-cut friend died last week, evidently from alcoholism-related causes. Should I tell everyone what happened? [more inside]
posted by rhizome on May 12, 2009 - 25 answers

What do I need to know about coffin building before I start?

What do I need to know to become a coffin builder? Are there regulations I have to follow? How should I sell them? How much should they cost? [more inside]
posted by davey_darling on May 7, 2009 - 20 answers

Does someone with a dying relative better understand what someone who has lost a relative is going through?

Does someone with a dying relative better understand what someone who has lost a relative is going through? Explanation inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2009 - 12 answers

Crudelius est quam mori semper timere mortem

Say one wanted to have their skeleton preserved and mounted and left to your next of kin after death how would you do it? -rather gruesome details inside - [more inside]
posted by strixus on Apr 30, 2009 - 19 answers

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then up, using sharpened shishkabob spears.

Help me weaponize food. [more inside]
posted by Shepherd on Apr 30, 2009 - 66 answers

births, deaths and time

Are global birth and death rates roughly consistent over the course of a day/month/year? (Are there are any clear patterns of daily or seasonal spikes?) [more inside]
posted by kalapierson on Apr 30, 2009 - 5 answers

Ready to jump off a klif.sys....

I'm getting a Blue Screen of Death on startup (Windows XP Pro) which says that the "problem" (whatever it may be) is being caused by a file called klif.sys. Googling around indicates it's a Kaspersky file, and I do indeed have their anti-virus software installed on my system. But I haven't found any solutions, and I can't get past this BSOD. Is there any hope for me? (More details inside.) [more inside]
posted by DavidNYC on Apr 22, 2009 - 17 answers

Dying relative - what to say?

My uncle has one week to live. I'm visiting him tomorrow. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do?
posted by jennyhead on Apr 21, 2009 - 19 answers

Estate tax accountant, Estate lawyer or both...or WHAT!? Help!

Estate tax returns in NC. Is this done by an accountant or an Estate Attorney? [more inside]
posted by littleredwagon on Apr 2, 2009 - 8 answers

In lieu of flowers...

In the past few months, both parents of my Japanese-American (by way of Hawaii) coworker have passed away. What gift/donation might be appropriate and have special significance to her? [more inside]
posted by acorn1515 on Mar 24, 2009 - 7 answers

I feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck.

Coming-of-age Filter: My world is coming crashing down. Is this a sign? Should I just soldier on? How? Trying to be a rock-em sock-em robot and get back on the horse. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by big open mouth on Mar 11, 2009 - 37 answers

Above us, only sky...

Someone close to me recently passed away. For the most part I'm okay, but what stops me in my tracks is the idea that there may not be an afterlife. How do I come to terms with this? [more inside]
posted by Metroid Baby on Mar 3, 2009 - 41 answers

Anybody Here Seen My Old Friend Bruce, Can You Tell Me Where He's Gone?

While searching for an old friend on Facebook, I found out that he had died a year ago, "unexpectedly at home." Usually that means something bad. What's an appropriate response given that amount of time? Should I follow-try to contact his wife, whom I never met?
posted by Xurando on Feb 22, 2009 - 43 answers

How to grieve while maintaining a life

How do I simultaneously save my personal and professional life in this time of grief over my father's two year anniversary? Is this grief even "real" so to speak, or an excuse to explain some other issue(s)? [more inside]
posted by fiasco on Feb 19, 2009 - 13 answers

What to bring to a funeral?

What, if anything, do you bring to a funeral? [more inside]
posted by Laen on Feb 18, 2009 - 13 answers

To sow or not to sow is the question

Marriage Madness: Is it better to be single or to waste away in a bad marriage? (long, but uniquely personal details inside) [more inside]
posted by brandnew on Feb 16, 2009 - 61 answers

Forewarning on Funeral Leave

Should I notify my employer about a possible (but not certain) funeral leave? [more inside]
posted by ocherdraco on Feb 15, 2009 - 12 answers

What do I write in a letter to a terminally ill former high school teacher?

What do I write in a letter to a terminally ill former high school teacher? [more inside]
posted by cosmic osmo on Feb 13, 2009 - 9 answers

What can I say when my boyfriend gets scared about his Dad dying?

What can I say when my boyfriend gets scared about his Dad dying? [more inside]
posted by trampesque on Feb 9, 2009 - 12 answers

Social discomfort, family obligation

Cousin Zach is a sweetheart, but I don't have the time or inclincation to attend everything he invites us to. How to say no tactfully? Guilt is involved. [more inside]
posted by frosty_hut on Jan 27, 2009 - 21 answers

I'm Moving Out

Sort of like a question I asked before, but not quite as whimsical. I've reached the end of the lease with the apartment my wife and I live in. It's up as of February 1st and that's perfect, because we'd like to be out by then. The problem is that they're asking for a 60 day written notice and we just gave them notice today. In the last 7 days, Mrs. Bageena's father died and while we were out of town for the funeral, someone broke into our apartment and robbed us. [more inside]
posted by Bageena on Jan 19, 2009 - 12 answers

Bum me out.

Death Cab For Cutie has a song, I will follow you into the dark, which goes well with the Iron and Wine song Naked as we came. I'd like to find more songs that fit with these two. [more inside]
posted by prefpara on Jan 18, 2009 - 14 answers

Is my husband trying to kill me?

Is my husband trying to kill me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 17, 2009 - 149 answers

What to do for my friend whose boyfriend just died?

My roommate's boyfriend just died. My other roommates and I want to do something for her, but we are drawing a blank. [more inside]
posted by firei on Jan 14, 2009 - 24 answers

Help me feel like my life is less like a movie.

What should I do about a long-term attraction? Also, my mother recently died. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 12, 2009 - 16 answers

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